Hounded (2001)

[bunniefuu]

[DOG BARKS]

[MUMBLING]

[GROWLING]

MRS. MARTIN: Jay, breakfast is ready!

Be down in a second, Mom!

-Hey. Morning, Mom.
-MRS. MARTIN: Morning, sweetie.

Hey, I had this tight dream last night
that you made me French toast and bacon.

You're good.

Listen, honey, I got a call
from Aunt Lois this morning.

She is in the hospital.

JAY: What happened?

Broke her ankle.

JAY: [SCOFFS] Again?

The other ankle.
That woman was not meant to ski.

Well, is she gonna be okay?

Mmm, she'll be fine,
but she just can't get around.

I'm gonna have to go down there,

and I'll probably have to stay
about a week.

No problem, Mom.
I can take care of myself.

And don't say I'm too young.

Fine, but, just so you're not lonely,

I've spoken with your brother,
and he's agreed

to come down from Starkwell
to keep you company.

Mom! Come on, give me a break!

Mike's just gonna yell at me
and boss me around all day.

-He hates me.
-No, he doesn't.

He worries about you. It's...
It's just how he shows he cares.

Well, I'd be a whole lot happier
if he cared just a little bit less.

[CHUCKLES] Look, I'm gonna leave you
enough money to get you through next week.

There are frozen dinners in the freezer.

Use the money to buy some healthy food.

-Don't just eat junk food all week, okay?
-Okay.

Just five days out of seven.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Listen, I'm sorry I'm going to miss
the awards ceremony tonight.

It's okay, Mom. I haven't won yet.

And who knows,
you might not be missing anything.

I may stink out loud today.

I doubt that.

But, no matter what happens,

I am very, very proud of you.

And I know your dad
would be twice as proud.

Mom... You don't think
Dad would've been disappointed

if I didn't go to Starkwell, do you?

You just win that scholarship to Peterson.

[MAN SHOUTING ORDERS]

Forward march!

Left! Left! Left, right, left!

Left! Left! Left, right, left!

Left, left, platoon, halt!

Right face! Parade rest!

[MEN GRUNTING]

Now, gentlemen,

you are the sorriest
bunch of invertebrates

it has ever been my displeasure
to be in command of!

Your bunks this morning were ridiculous!

If you want to be Starkwell men,
you have got to do better than that!

-OFFICER: Sergeant Martin?
-Attention!

[ENGINE STARTS IN DISTANCE]

Colonel Douglas wants to see you ASAP.

Platoon dismissed!

CADETS: Starkwell!

-Yes.
-All right, sir.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Cadet Martin, I understand your squad is
close to failing the semester.

[SIGHS] It's not my fault.
The guys are just lazy.

The squad's grades are down
because of them, not me, sir.

At ease, Mike. Listen, son,
you work hard around here.

You know your regulations
forwards and backwards,

but you don't know jack
about being a leader.

Being a leader is more
than just yelling and screaming

and blaming everything on everybody else.

These men are like your brothers.

Listen, when your dad taught here,
he told me something.

He said, "A man will follow orders
if he fears you,

"but he'll save your life
if he loves and respects you."

Now, Captain Pennick told me
about your situation at home.

I suggest you take this time off

and you seriously think about
whether or not

you're suited for
a career in the military.

And believe me, son,
it's not for everyone.

Excuse me. Hand it over!

This is a school, not a video arcade.
Why do you think your grades are down?

I'm keeping this.
You won't get it back till next semester,

if you get it back at all.

Hey, who's the lucky kid
Van Dusen's picking on today?

Nina Morris.
She's in my little brother's class.

-She's really nice.
-They always are.

BOY: Bombs away!

-[GASPS]
-[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

Uh, that was me.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[SCOFFS]

Meanwhile, the privileged few
continue to get away with anything.

It's unfair with a capital "U"!

Oh!

Check these out.

It's my newest one.

[KIDS LAUGHING]

TRACY: That's great, Jay.

Let me see that.

Hey, be careful with those.
My presentation is on the other side.

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

<i]Morning, people.</i]

<i]I'm gonna try</i]
<i]and keep it brief this morning.</i]

<i]We have just two items</i]
<i]of business to attend to.</i]

<i]First, if any of you had</i]
<i]the Spanish rice for lunch yesterday,</i]

<i]please see Nurse Ketcham</i]
<i]if you're feeling... Different.</i]

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

<i]Second, all eighth graders</i]
<i]should report to the auditorium</i]

<i]for fifth period for the Donald Peterson</i]
<i]Memorial Awards competition.</i]

<i]All the finalists for the award</i]
<i]will be called up onto the stage.</i]

<i]I want to thank you for your time.</i]
<i]Have a nice day,</i]

<i]and, oh, let's try</i]
<i]and stuff our brains with things</i]

<i]that we don't already know,</i]
<i]shall we?</i]

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

-This is so cool.
-RONNY: Watch this!

TRACY: Jay, are you okay?

RONNY: That tickle, buddy? [LAUGHING]

Ronny!
Enough with the soccer! Get to class!

BOY: Later, guys.

Hurry up and collect those, Mr. Martin.

TRACY: Uh-oh, Jay...

No problem, Mr. Van Dusen.

Not a very flattering likeness of me.

Oh!

Oh! That's not you, Mr. Van Dusen.

Perhaps we should discuss
your artistic endeavors with your mother.

Give me the rest.

But, Mr. Van Dusen, I need those.
My presentation is on the other side.

At the risk of sounding like I'm saying,
"You should have thought of that before,"

well, you should have
thought of that before!

You'll have to rewrite them
on more appropriate cards.

Bad attitude.

I can't believe this! I'm dead!

There's no time to write out
that whole presentation over again.

People, how are we? Hmm?

-We're busy here, Ronny.
-So, uh...

[SNIFFLES]

So, Martian, I hear you're my main
competition for the scholarship.

That's not his name,
and if you're his competition,

-I wouldn't call it very competitive.
-Can it, jerk.

Anyway... Hey. Hi.

Yeah, I wanted to invite you
to a little victory party

that I'm throwing after I win
the Donald Peterson Award.

I'm throwing a little victory bash
in my pool house.

I'm busy.

I wasn't talking to you.

Hope to see you there, Trace.

[BELL RINGS]

Gentlemen.

[SCOFFS]

Don't worry.
You're gonna mop up the floor with him.

The only downside is that we won't get
to go to the party at his pool house.

Way to be supportive.

I'm serious! That pool house is amazing.

It's like he's got his own place.

He's got his own phone
with his own number.

It's got a pool table, video games.

-I hear it even has a pool.
-TEACHER: Okay, class, let's get to work.

[ELECTRONIC GAME
BEEPING AND ZAPPING]

You wanted to speak to me, Dad?

Are you prepared for this presentation?

Oh, yeah. I've got the winning speech
right here. [CHUCKLES]

It's not that ridiculous idea you had

why Jackie Chan would make
a cool president, is it?

Oh!

Look, you, your grandfather doesn't think
I'm doing a good job of raising you.

He also doesn't think you have a chance
of winning that scholarship,

and, frankly, on that account,
I tend to agree with him.

We have to prove old Armand wrong.
We have to win that scholarship.

Now, Jay Martin has an incredible
presentation on recycling

that's well thought out
and impeccably worded.

You have about 20 minutes to come up
with a better presentation than his.

I have to meet with
the food services people.

I have to sweep this Spanish rice thing
under the carpet.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[INAUDIBLE]

Recycling, huh?

I don't get it.
Peterson is less expensive than Starkwell.

Why would you have to go to Starkwell
if you don't want to?

Well, my mom can't afford either one,

but my dad taught at Starkwell,
so we can get in for practically nothing.

The competition's not for 15 minutes.

Try and do your presentation for us
from memory.

-[STUTTERS] I don't think I can.
-Just try.

[SIGHS]

All right. Here goes.

Good afternoon.

Today I want to talk to you about garbage.

Each year, Americans produce
enough trash and refuse

to fill a convoy of trucks
that would reach halfway to the moon.

<i]Each year, Americans produce</i]
<i]enough trash and ref...</i]

<i]Refuse.</i]

<i]Refuse to fill a convoy of trucks</i]
<i]that would reach halfway to the moon,</i]

<i]and it is estimated</i]
<i]that within the century</i]

<i]we will run out of landfill</i]
<i]to handle our waste.</i]

Man, how am I supposed to get up there
and give the exact same speech

right after Ronny?

I'd look like an idiot.

Well, why didn't you say something?

I don't have any proof. What's the use?

What's the use?

You'd be going to Peterson Academy
with me next year.

Remember Peterson, the one with
the really great art program?

Or you could just settle for
the all-boy military academy

upstate with your brother.

Hey, tough break
on that scholarship, Martian,

but I guess the best man won.

How does it feel to know
that you won using my presentation?

What? Yeah, right, you big liar!

Don't be a sore loser, Martian.
You'll have fun at the Army Academy.

You'll look cute bald.

Hope to see you at my party next week.

[SCOFFS] Don't hold your breath, cheater.

VAN DUSEN: It's about my wife
Eliza Van Dusen's dog.

-WOMAN ON PHONE: <i]The Pomeranian</i]?
-Yes, her name is Camille.

<i]-Can you hold, please?</i]
-Yes, I'll hold.

Ought to be ashamed
charging that much for a candy bar.

I'll get one.

[GRUNTS] There we go. Yeah, yeah.

Martin, what is it?
Make it snappy, I'm on hold.

It... It's about the presentations.

Um...

-I think there's been...
-WOMAN ON PHONE: <i]Mr. Van Dusen?</i]

Don't ever put me on hold again!
Do you have any idea who I am?

<i]I'm sorry, sir.</i]

I wanted the nails trimmed
on all four paws.

The nails on the front paws
were long enough to play the piano.

I'm bringing Camille back in tomorrow.

-Am I making myself clear?
<i]-Yes, Mr. Van Dusen.</i]

-Thank you!
-[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Walk with me.

Whatever you do,
don't get yourself a show dog, Martin.

For the amount of money I spend
on my wife's mutt every year,

I could probably send five kids
to Peterson Academy.

-Um, sir...
-Sorry about that scholarship, by the way.

Couldn't be there myself
for the presentation.

The Spanish rice problem
spread to the hash browns.

Yeah, um, it's about the scholarship, sir.

It seems that Ronny somehow
wound up with my presentation.

I can certainly understand how you'd be
upset at not winning that scholarship,

but to accuse another student
of cheating, that's, well...

I'm sure you're well aware
of the Columbus Hall stance on cheating.

-They're against it?
-Very much so.

Our school creed,
written by our founder, Armand Columbus,

my father-in-law, by the way,
includes the phrase,

"Steadfast in all that is true."

You know that means, don't you?

-It's anti-cheating.
-That's right.

Isn't it possible the two of you
just came up with similar ideas?

[SCOFFS] It's just that
Ronny's presentation

was word for word exactly like mine.

[SPITS]

Didn't the judges say anything?

Well, no, sir.
See, I didn't give my presentation,

because I didn't have my materials.
You took them, remember?

That's right, and I had them destroyed.

So there.
Ronny couldn't have taken your materials.

Could you maybe just ask Ronny about it?

Fine, I'll ask.

[CELL PHONE DIALING]

-Mrs. Pintuff?
<i]-Yes, sir?</i]

-Call Ronny to my office, please.
<i]-Okay.</i]

<i]-</i]WOMAN OVER P.A.:<i] Ronny Van Dusen...</i]
-I'll try to get to the bottom of this.

In the meantime, let's not go around
spreading any unsubstantiated rumors.

Ronny, in my office.

Excuse me. I'm going to need
a hall pass to get back to class.

Oh, um... Yeah.
I've got a bunch here somewhere.

Um... [CHUCKLES]

At least I should have a bunch here
somewhere, but you never know.

I have been missing
a lot of hall passes lately.

-I'm gonna go borrow one from Mr. Novak.
-All right.

[CHUCKLES] I do that all the time.
I'll be right back.

Thanks.

VAN DUSEN: Did you steal
Jay Martin's presentation?

RONNY: You told me to win the dumb award.

This is a new low, even for you.

Did you honestly think
the Martin kid wasn't gonna notice?

Well, I thought about it, see?

See, but I gave my presentation
before he did,

and I knew he wasn't gonna get up there
and do the exact same presentation.

Pretty smart, huh? [SIGHS]

-Where are his cards?
-Oh, I left them in my locker.

I didn't use them. I copied them over.

I want you to get rid of those cards.

I don't want any evidence
linking a Van Dusen to cheating.

You understand? Pronto!
You must be out of your mind!

-[SIGHS] Can I go now?
-One more thing we need to talk about.

-These!
-They look like detention slips.

Uh-huh.

Oh!

Are they mine?

Your mother's been complaining to your
grandfather that you're out of control.

You mess up one more time, mister,

and there's going to be
dire consequences.

-Dire!
-Okay, I got you.

[SIGHS]

Let's see your pass.

I don't have one.

-Morning detention tomorrow.
-Wait just a second.

Here is his pass.
He must've dropped it back there.

-Come on.
-Thanks, Ronny.

-Why did you do that?
-Please, dorko.

Now, listen, I don't need you ruining
detention for me and my friends, okay?

We have a sweet deal going,

and you'll come in
and you'll be all behavey, see,

and we don't need that.

It's worth the two bucks
I could've gotten for the pass.

Now, take a hike.

[DOOR OPENS]

All right.

Hey, Martian.

[GRUNTS] Watch it, road hog!

[RONNY LAUGHING]

Nice wheels, buddy! [LAUGHING]

[FARTS]

[SCOFFS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

MRS. MARTIN: [ON RECORDING]
<i]Hi, you've reached the Martin residence.</i]

<i]Please leave a message after the tone,</i]

<i]and we'll get back to you</i]
<i]as soon as we can.</i]

<i]Thank you.</i]

[BEEP]

MIKE: <i]Hey, little brother, it's me.</i]
<i]If you're home, pick up the phone, please.</i]

Come on, pick it up, pick up.

Jay, I know you're sitting there
listening to this.

<i]All right, look, uh, I'm not gonna be</i]
<i]able to get home tonight, okay?</i]

My Jeep broke down, and the guy won't be
able to get the part until tomorrow.

<i]So, I want you to call up the Zachareys</i]

and ask them if you can stay
at their place tonight, okay?

Uh, my new ETA
will be 1600 hours tomorrow.

And, Jay, no screw-ups!

[DIAL TONE]

If you told Mr. Van Dusen,
then he'll have to investigate it.

There's an honor code at Columbus.
"Steadfast in all that is true."

I told you, Van Dusen already knows,
and he's not gonna do anything about it.

And I'm gonna wind up
at Starkwell next year!

They're gonna shave my head
and make me wear boots.

Do you want to pet Clancy?

I've heard that petting a dog
can relieve stress.

[GROWLING]

I don't think so. Dogs hate me.

-Clancy likes you.
-He told you that, did he?

In a way. Dogs have a whole
lot of ways of communicating.

Fine, fine, fine.
Have Clancy send me an e-mail.

[EXHALES] Look, look, I'm sorry.

It's just I'm so upset.

-My life is so unfair.
-So do something.

Don't just sit around and mope about it.

There has to be a way you can prove
that Ronny stole your presentation.

And if you have some proof,

then you can go to the teachers
who were judges.

[LAUGHING]

[SOFT CHUCKLE] I just thought of a plan.
I gotta go.

[GROWLING]

Oh, oh! [GRUNTS]

-Jay, are you all right?
-Yeah.

-Come on, we're late!
-They're not gonna start without us.

You're the headmaster, and Ronny...

Ronny is the Peterson scholarship winner,
and I couldn't be prouder.

Hello! Hug the kid
in the car if you have to hug him.

I'd like to get there sometime tonight.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[WHINING]

[GROWLING]

[BARKING]

[SNARLING]

[CAMILLE BARKING WILDLY]

Nice doggie.

[SHUSHING]

Nice doggie!

No, no, no!

[MUTTERING]

How about a nice gummy candy?

Come on, Ronny, I know you got
my presentation in here somewhere.

Camille!

[WHISTLING]

Come on!

Camille!

Camille!

Camille!

Camille?

Camille?

Is someone there?

[GASPING]

[SNARLING]

[GRUNTS]

No, no, no! Bad dog! Go home!

[WHINING]

-Go!
-[BARKING]

Go. Shoo!

Go!

No, Camille, go home!

[GROWLING]

Get, get, get!

Go home! Get! Go away!

Come on, man, leave me alone!

[GROANS]

Good! Now, go home!

-[WHINES]
-[HORNS HONKING]

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

[PANTING]

Camille, come on!

Keep that stupid dog on a leash!

[CAMILLE SNARLS]

Okay?

Oh! Come on! Gross! I'm gonna barf!

[SIGHS] You're welcome.

Man, this is just great.

For a dog they spend so much money on,

they sure don't
watch out for her very well.

All right, come on to my place.
We'll call your owners when we get there.

[CAMILLE YIPPING]

We're gonna have to wait until after

the Van Dusens get home
from the ceremony to call them.

So, um, just behave and...
Don't bother me.

Get down.

[SIGHS]

Stay... Stay down.

Would you get down? Dang.

[SCOFFING]

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV]

[g*n FIRE EXCHANGE ON TV]

<i]We put enough lead</i]
<i]in that thing to sink it.</i]

<i]-No wonder it stopped.</i]
<i]-It sure did.</i]

<i]Do you soldiers hear that?</i]

<i]-I'm talking to you, boy!</i]
-[HELICOPTER HOVERING]

<i]Boy, I want you get down right now,</i]
<i]and give me 50!</i]

<i]That's what I said.</i]

-[MACHINE g*n FIRE]
-[EXPLOSIONS ON TV]

[SOLDIERS SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

SOLDIER:<i] Here we go!</i]

[CADETS YELLING]

[GROWLING IN RHYTHM]

[TV TURNS OFF]

-[SCOFFS]
-[SNARLING]

[BARKING]

What? What do you want?

I don't... I don't know
what that means.

Are you hungry?

Fine. We'll see what's in the fridge.

[SIGHS]

What do dogs eat?

Mmm...

Here we go.

-You like pasta?
-[WHINING]

There you go.

[SNIFFING, GROWLING]

Here, you want some meatloaf?

[CAMILLE GROANING]

Uh-oh.

Hey, are you okay?

[WHINING]

Hey, man, maybe you should've stopped
eating after that tofu egg salad.

[BURPS]

Did you kidnap the Van Dusen's dog?
Is that your plan?

I didn't kidnap it.
It just followed me home

when I was at their house
looking for evidence.

Hey, I'm gonna call the Van Dusens to
come get it after the awards ceremony.

Well, how are you going to explain
being at their place?

-Did anybody see you?
-Well, their maid saw me.

But I put on a mask
before she could know who I was.

Jay, you're in trouble.

The maid saw somebody sneaking around,
and their prize show dog is missing.

You're gonna call, and Van Dusen
is gonna know you were there.

You think?

Listen, just bring the dog back
to Van Dusen's house and leave her.

[SCOFFS]

[CAMILLE GROWLING]

Go in there. Go. Go in there.

-Stay.
-[GROWL]

No, no, no!

This is where you live.

[WHIMPERING]

Now, stay in there. Go, okay, go.

Stay in there!

Oh, oh! Man! Go home!

Come on.

You are not coming home
with me. Okay?

Stop following me, man. Go home!

No, no! You are not coming home with me.

[PANTING]

[WHIMPERING]

[THINKING] <i]Man, Peterson is tight.</i]

<i]Forget it. You're going to Starkwell.</i]

Camille! C'mere, Camille!

-Dad?
-Put it anywhere you want.

-Okay.
-Ronny, come on!

Not on the floor!

ELIZA: Camille? Camille.
C'mere, Camille.

[SIGHS]

NEWSCASTER: [ON TV] <i]Welcome to ESPN's</i]
<i]highlights of today's Masters action.</i]

<i]Reporting from the clubhouse...</i]

Ward, I can't find Camille.

-She must be around here somewhere.
-I've looked everywhere.

-Everywhere, Eliza? That seems improbable.
-Come help me look!

[TV TURNS OFF]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Get out of here!

Adele, it's me! What are you doing?

Adele, what in the world
do you think you're doing?

You nearly spatula-ed me to death!

Oh! [GASPING]

-Mr. Van Dusen!
-Yeah!

I am so sorry.

I tried to stop them,
but there were too many of them.

-Too many of who?
-They were in the pool house. I...

The pool house.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE]

-Ronny?
-Yeah?

Is everything all right in the pool house?

Yeah, it's fine. Just stay out.

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

NEWSCASTER: [ON TV] <i]And now</i]
<i]for that incredible hole in one...</i]

Ward, I'm worried.

Adele said the yard was swarming
with huge masked men.

Seems fine now.
Ronny said the pool house is okay.

Probably just some neighborhood kids.
Did you notice anything missing?

[SCOFFS] Yes. Camille!

What if they took her?

She's a valuable show dog.
They must know how much she's worth.

She's fine.

The regional dog show trials
are only a week away.

She has to be ready to compete.

She's probably just scared and hiding.

She'll turn up. She always turns up.

But, Ward! You know how
Camille gets without her medications.

<i]Without her medications.</i]

[REPEATED ECHOES]

[GROWLING]

Nice doggie. Calm down. It's okay.

[BARKING]

It's okay.

[MUTTERING]

Oh, no!

[CAMILLE GROWLING AND SNARLING]

[GASPS] Oh, no!

[BARKING]

[CLATTERS]

-[GROWLS]
-[SCREAMS]

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

[PANTING]

[CAMILLE CONTINUES BARKING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[GASPS]

How can such a little dog
cause this much damage?

Dad's glove.

[SIGHS]

-[GASPS]
-[CAMILLE SNORING]

[BARKING AND SNARLING]

[CAMILLE CONTINUES BARKING]

[JAY SIGHS]

Man, Mike is gonna flip out.

-What are you gonna do?
-I gotta get rid of the dog first.

I just don't know how to get it
back to the Van Dusens

without them thinking I stole it.

I tried leaving the stupid dog there
again last night, but she wouldn't stay.

What if you called them up
and disguised your voice

so they didn't know it was you,

and told them you were leaving
the dog in a basket in the park,

and they could just come and pick it up?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey. Hey, that's not such a bad idea.

JAY: [DISTORTED VOICE]
Testing. One, two, three.

[TELEPHONE KEYPAD BEEPING]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[SIGHS]

Hello?

JAY: [DISGUISED VOICE]
Good morning, Mr. Van Dusen.

Who is this?

-I have your dog.
-Really?

You've kidnapped our dog?

-No. No, I didn't kidnap...
<i]-You didn't kidnap the dog?</i]

That's funny.
I thought that's what it was called

when someone breaks into a house,
steals a person's dog,

then calls up with a disguised voice
asking for ransom.

Mr. Van Dusen, you don't understand...

No, you don't understand.
I'm glad you took the dog.

You can keep her.
Don't even try to bring her back.

And if I find you anywhere
near my house with that dog,

I'll have you arrested so fast
it'll make your head spin.

Oh, and by the way, how's Camille doing
without her medication?

-[CACKLING]
-[PHONE BEEPS]

-[HEAVY THUD]
-[GUMBALLS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR]

[WHIMPERS]

[GRUNTS] Whoa! Whoa!

[GROANS]

[HEAVY THUMP]

[SNARLING]

[JAY GRUNTING]

Get off me, you stupid dog!

Get off!

[BARKING AND GROWLING]

[SIGHS]

Bye-bye, Camille.

Sadly, I won't be needing
these allergy pills anymore.

I'll never sneeze again,
without that mutt. Huh.

[CHORTLING]

[CAMILLE BARKING
AND SCRATCHING]

[BARKING STOPS]

[CAMILLE SNARLING]

No, no! Go away! Leave me alone!

Gotcha!

[YIPPING]

You might as well stop,
because I'm not letting you out

until I figure out what to do with you.

[SNARLING]

[WHINING]

You don't ever give up, do you?

[SNORTING]

[SCREAMING]

Get off of me!

Get off of me!

[PANTING]

[LAUGHING]

[CAMILLE SNARLING]

Let go of me, you stupid dog!

Get off!

Ha!

[HORN HONKING]

[CAMILLE CONTINUES BARKING]

What are you doing home already?

You said you'd be home at 1600 hours.

You're, like, 500 hours early.

The garage got the part
for the Jeep early.

Is that okay with you?

-Hey, what is up with that?
-Oh, I had a little accident.

-Climbing a tree.
-Yeah, whatever.

Hey, those are my socks!

Man, do we have to start this again?
I do own socks. I don't steal yours.

Yeah, whatever. We'll just have a little
look in your dresser, shall we?

Here. Carry this.

[GRUNTS]

You're gonna have to
toughen up, little brother,

if you're gonna cut it
at Starkwell next year.

Come on, keep up.
Let's go, double time.

Now, I heard about
the Peterson scholarship.

How?

Rule number one, little brother,
always have informants, okay?

Now, I know you worked hard
on that scholarship, but don't sweat it.

You're better off.

Don't go in there! [PANTING]

Why not?

Maybe we could go out to lunch.

You know, maybe a nice Monte Cristo?

Maybe a Reuben, some sauerkraut?

I missed you?

Nice try. Excuse me.

I can explain.

Come here, you.

-You threw a party, didn't you?
-No.

No, you don't understand. I was just...

You little meatstain!
When I get through with you,

there isn't gonna be enough of you
left to spread on toast!

Come here!

Whoa!

[GROWLING]

Oh, you're dead, meatstain.

[SCREAMS]

MIKE: Mom's gonna hear about this!

[CAMILLE BARKING IN DISTANCE]

What was that?

-No, don't. It's noth...
-No, what was that?

Okay.

See? There's nothing in there, okay?
Yeah, see?

-[GRUNTING]
-[CAMILLE SNARLING]

What is this thing?

[GRUNTING]

He's right behind you. Hurry up!

All right, explain! Whose dog is that?

It's the Van Dusens' dog.

Headmaster Van Dusen?

He wanted me to help watch it for a while.

And I asked Mom, and she said it was okay.

Oh, yeah, right. Prove it.

Well, how am I supposed to prove it?

Why else would I have the Van Dusens' dog?

Yeah, well, you know what?

I'm not taking responsibility
for that stupid pooch, okay?

Now, you get out there
and clean up that mess.

I'm not helping.
Get out there and subdue that dog! Go!

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

[JAY SCREAMING]

[RIPPING SOUND]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, for crying out loud!

Step aside, son.

Watch how a real man
handles that stupid mutt.

Hey, dog!

-[MIKE SCREAMING]
-[BARKING AND SNARLING]

Mike...

[CAMILLE SNARLING]

[BOTH MUTTERING]

[STRUGGLING SOUNDS]

Jay, do something, man!
Get me off of this table.

Look, it's starting to crack, man!
You gotta help me!

Do something! Distract it or something!

JAY: Come over here.
MIKE: No, no, no!

Get out of here! [SHUSHING]

-The table is cracking!
-Just come over here!

Ow!

-JAY: You okay?
-No.

No!

-Stay close to me.
-I got you.

Yeah.

[VACUUM BATTERY DIES]

-What's happening?
-Cheap batteries.

Fetch!

Into the kitchen! Hurry up!

[GROWLING]

Here she comes.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

MIKE: Go away! Shoo! Shoo!

Go check it out.

Is she all right?

She's still breathing.

I think she just knocked herself out.
She should be okay.

Hey, you really saved my skin back there.

Oh, don't mention it.

You think well on your feet,
and you keep a cool head under pressure.

Those are good qualities in a soldier.

[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Go away!

[KNOCKING]

I said...

-Hello, Ward.
-Mr. Columbus, sir.

Ward, we've been all through this.

Mr. Columbus was my father.

Besides, we're family.
You can just call me sir.

Yes, sir. I guess
you've heard about our tragedy.

-Poor Camille.
-That's why I'm here.

Eliza called me, distraught.

She loves that dog.

As do we all, sir.

I'll cut right to the chase, Ward.

Find that dog. Whatever it takes.

Eliza wants to win that dog show.

Make my daughter happy, or I'll find
a competent headmaster for my school.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[GRUNTS]

Where's the money Mom left?

In the cookie jar.

And when you get finished over here,
get started on the living room.

And I suggest you shake a leg.

We've got some calisthenics
to get to, soldier.

What? No way!

Hey, don't give me any lip. All right?

This is for your own good.

Now, you may be smart,
but you're still a little scrawny.

You won't last a week at Starkwell.

Now, what's Van Dusen's number?

I'm gonna call him and tell him
to pick up his insane dog.

No, no, no! [STAMMERING]
I mean, I'll do it.

You know,
this is all my fault anyway, so...

I should be responsible for it.

That's what I like to hear.

Good, good, little brother.
You're taking responsibility for yourself.

Now, I'm gonna be upstairs napping,
and when Mom calls,

I want to talk to her.

Please ring.
I'll be a nicer person, I promise.

-I won't ever...
-[TELEPHONE RINGING]

-Hello? Hello?
-Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.

Oh, it's you.

Yeah. I'm gonna
leave your dog in the park.

Well, what do you want?
Two thousand dollars?

<i]'Cause that's all she's worth, really.</i]

-No, no. That's not what...
<i]-Not what you had in mind?</i]

<i]Okay, $5,000.</i]

You said the park?
Let's meet at the ice skating rink.



[SIGHS]

Do I even want to know
what you were up to in there?

-I thought you were taking a nap.
-I changed my mind.

Well, I didn't want to disturb you,
so I called up Mr. Van Dusen

and asked him
if I can bring the dog back now.

And he said meet him at the park,
so can I get a lift?

Well, I guess I do owe you
from before, so let's go.

-Did you ask Van Dusen for money?
-What?

-Excuse me?
-For the damages to the house.

I mean, his dog caused it.

I'd say it's at least
a couple hundred bucks' worth.

Oh! [STUTTERING]

Hey, ask him. Okay?

He's loaded. He owes us.

Okay. All right, sure. I'll ask.

[LOW GROWLING]

-Man. She's waking up.
-What?

-Oh, my God!
-[BOTH SCREAMING]

-Pull over!
-I'm pullin'!

Hey, man, jump! Jump!

Oh, my God! Run!

She's getting away!

Great. This is just great.

No, see, now you're gonna have to
tell Van Dusen that you lost his dog.

But she's a small dog.
She can't go too far.

No. You know what? I did not sign up
for a search and rescue, okay?

This is your responsibility now.

I'm going home. [SCOFFS]

And when you get home,
if I just so happen to be asleep,

please don't wake me, all right?

Good luck.

Thanks for nothing!

-Good afternoon.
-Hi.

Do we have business to take care of?

-What kind of business?
-Doggie business.

Hey! Watch it, mister.

[YELLS]

-Find the dog?
-Don't worry about it.

Well, how much money
did Van Dusen fork over?

Um, well, he didn't give me any money,
'cause you know how he is.

-Said it's not his fault.
-[OBJECTS CLINKING]

Jay, come on, little brother!
His dog is a nut case!

You don't ask someone to watch your dog
and then not tell them that.

You know what? I'll get him to pay.

No, no, no! Don't do that! Because...

-'Cause you can't.
-Actually, yes, I can.

Why? Because he owes us.

Now, hand over the phone!

Hey, give me that. Let go!

Hey, come here! Come here.

-Come here.
-Get off me. [GRUNTS]

Yeah, come here. Give it.

Give it, give it. Let go. Let go!

-Man, stop. That's my drawing hand.
-Then let go! Give me it!

See?

Mike!

There's something I've gotta tell you.

How could you let this happen to you?

You should have spoken up
right from the very beginning,

right when you knew that
Ronny was giving your presentation!

You have got to find a spine,
little brother!

You're gonna get crushed at Starkwell.

Man, enough with
the Starkwell stuff, already!

I don't want to go to Starkwell!

I don't want the same things
you want, Mike. I want to study art.

Art is for people who think
that they're better than everyone else.

And I'll tell you
something else, little brother.

If it wasn't for the military,

people wouldn't even be able
to waste their time with art,

because there wouldn't be any freedom.

Dad would've wanted me to do
whatever I wanted to do.

Look, I can't get involved with this.

A thing like this
could ruin my military career.

You figure it out. I'm not helping.

I don't want any part of this.

Why would this time be any different?

You never helped me with anything!

That's because
you've always been such a little baby!

Gosh, you're such a snot!

Oh, here come the tears.
Go ahead, cry, baby.

Man, I hate you!

This is what I get.

This is what I get after being
a brother and a father to you

for the past six years.

That's really nice, Jay.

Man, you were nothing to me!

You just don't remember.
You were too young when it happened.

Man, I used to do a ton of stuff for you.

Man, I remember plenty.

This one night for sure.

Right after he died.

I was seven years old.

I had a nightmare,
and I crawled into your bed.

I was crying, and you woke up
and you pushed me out.

You wouldn't even listen to me.

All you said to me was,
"Stop being such a baby."

But I was seven, Mike. I was a baby.

I don't remember that.

Well, I'll never forget it.

It's when I learned
I should never count on you.

Hey. Just...

Just wait, okay?

Sit down.

[SIGHS]

Forget about the stupid dog, okay?

It followed you home.
It got out on its own.

It probably would've been lost, anyway.

I don't know, Mike.

It sort of is my fault
that the dog got out.

Please. I'm sure that silly dog
couldn't wait to get away from Van Dusen.

Come on. Someone will find it, adopt it.
It'll be much happier.

I guess.

And I'm gonna call Van Dusen

and get to the bottom of this
stolen presentation thing.

No one steals from the Martins.

If Ronny won with your presentation,
then you deserve that scholarship,

and I'm gonna get it for you.

But Van Dusen is just gonna deny it.

We'll see.

Don't worry about it.

You okay?

MIKE:<i] But Mr. Van Dusen,</i]
<i]the presentations were exactly the same.</i]

<i]-Word for word.</i]
-Uh-huh.

I've been over all this
with your brother, Michael.

<i]-Sir...</i]
-Ronny wrote that presentation himself.

-End of story.
<i]-But...</i]

Are we clear on this, now?

<i]Good night.</i]

[SCOFFS]

Well, what did he say?

Well, he said
Ronny wrote the presentation.

-Told you he would say that.
-Well, he's obviously lying.

How can you tell?

Well, his mouth was moving, for one,

and secondly, Van Dusen's pond scum, okay?

He's always been pond scum.
That's how I know he's lying.

Hey, do you remember that time
when I was at Columbus

and I got cut from the baseball team
to make room for his nephew

who never played baseball
before in his life?

Well, Mike, there's nothing
we can do about it now.

Well, we have to do something.

I mean, we can't just let
Van Dusen get away with this.

You know what? Here's what we'll do.

We'll find this mutt of his, right?

And since Van Dusen seems so eager
to pay a reward for his lost pooch,

we'll just let him.

But in the meantime, we have to stall
for time while we look for the dog.

Wait, Mike. Are you sure
this is the right thing to do?

Hey, this is about family honor, Jay.

You're going to the Peterson Academy.

You worked hard for that scholarship,
all right? You deserve it.

Okay, what did you do
with my brother Mike?

Ha, ha. Very funny.
Hey, but if we do this,

we're gonna do it the Army way, okay?

Strict and covert.
Not a word about this to anyone.

-You understand?
-Right.

All right.

It is gonna be a great party.
It will. It's gonna be great.

But it would be even better
if you could be there.

Jay!

-Hey, Ronny.
-Martian.

-[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
-What's up?

Anyway, listen.
If you guys need hall passes,

I mean, if you do need 'em,
I am running a special this week.

Two for one. [CLICKS TONGUE]

So, you should call me
about the party or...

Or, you know, you should e-mail me,
page me, fax me, write me, whatever.

All right, babe? Bye.

[EXHALES]

I'm glad you made it, Jay. Ronny's been
hanging around me like a mosquito.

He never stops being a pest.

WOMAN ON PA:<i] Jay Martin, please report</i]
<i]to Mr. Van Dusen's office.</i]

<i]Jay Martin, report to</i]
<i]Mr. Van Dusen's office.</i]

-Mr. Martin?
-Yes, sir?

My dog is missing.

I want to talk to you
about getting her back.

[SIGHS]

-I am so sorry, Mr. Van Dusen...
-Yeah, yeah, I know.

Looks like a textbook dognapping job.

Obviously, somebody knows how much
a prize show dog is worth.

I'm putting student council in charge
of posting reward signs.

As president, I want you to organize it.

Five thousand dollars for information
leading to the return of Camille.

Wow, that's a lot of money.

Whoever tries to bring
the little fluffball back

is obviously the dognapper.

When they show up with the dog,
I'll have him arrested, everybody's happy.

I want them up by tonight!
Three hundred signs!

No excuses.

Go, go, go!

Oh, yes, sir.

He talked about them getting arrested.

What'll I do?

He wants to start a w*r? All right,
we can play that game for a little while.

-What about the posters?
<i]-Stall as long as you can, all right?</i]

Meet me at home, 1600 hours.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

-Yes, hello.
-MIKE: [DISTORTED VOICE]<i] Hello, Van Dusen.</i]

Where were you last night?
I waited over an hour.

-Where was I? Where were you?
<i]-I was there.</i]

At the fountain? The marble statue
of the angels in the center of the park?

You said the ice skating rink
near the entrance.

That is insane.

Why would I ever agree to meet you
at an ice rink? Witnesses, man! [GRUNTS]

<i]Use a little common sense, will you?</i]

-Look, I don't have to...
<i]-Never mind. I forgive you.</i]

What?

All right. Now,
here's what we're gonna do, okay?

Just so there's no confusion or mix-ups.

I want you to meet me at, um...

Mrs. Bee's Bakery at exactly 4:00.

Come alone. No cops.

I want you to purchase a large sheet cake,

and have them write on it...

I'm trying to use the phone, man.
Excuse me.

You know, get to steppin'. All right.

Have them write on it...

"The itsy bitsy spider" in blue...
No, red icing.

That is ludicrous.

Of course it's ludicrous!
That's the point, Van Dusen! Man!

<i]You want the dog, don't you?</i]
<i]Tell me you want the dog.</i]

Now, listen up, all right,
'cause there's a little more.

Jay? Why can't we just make one poster
and photocopy it, like, 300 times?

Well, Van Dusen wants
colorful, attractive posters.

If they were all the same,
people would start ignoring them, right?

Mmm-hmm.

[BELL RINGS]

All right, guys. We need 300 posters,
so, let's pick up the pace.

All right, guys.
It's time to assemble a posting team.

-I'll lead, and I'll take...
-Ooh, ooh. Pick me.

Ooh, ooh, ooh...

-Bill and Andy.
-Yes!

Bill and Andy? Are you kidding?

I thought Van Dusen wanted these
posters up by this century.

They haven't even finished
their first poster.

Well, guys, we need about 150 more.
So, let's keep 'em coming.

Here, take that. Come on.

Hey, thanks, Jay.
This is way cooler than coloring.

Yeah, way, way cooler.

[GIGGLING]

Here, give me some of these.

Bill, we're gonna have to split up

if we're gonna get
all these posters up by tonight.

Where do you want 'em posted?

You know what, Andy?

I'm gonna let you guys decide where you
think the most people will check 'em out.

Oh, and good luck, guys.

[BILL LAUGHS]

I just knew he'd pick us. I just knew.

This is perfect, 'cause people stand here
for, like, 10 minutes washing their cars.

Yeah, then they'll have to
read the poster.

MIKE: Here we go. All right. [GRUNTS]

Don't be afraid of it.
It's not gonna bite you.

-All right.
-Are you sure about this?

Yeah, I'm positive.

-All right.
-Done?

Yeah, close it up tight.

[GRUNTS IN SURPRISE]

Oh!

[LAUGHING]

Hey, what about that pole over there?

Perfect. It's by a stop light.

People will have to stop
and read the poster.

So they don't blow away.

[TRUCK BRAKES HISSING]

Okay.

-Here you go.
-Okay.

So, how does it look?

ANDY: It looks great.

[GASPS]

No, wait! Come back! Come back!

-No, he got our posters!
-Hey, give us back our posters!

Oh, no, come back.

[BARKING]

Still no sign.

This is starting to look suspicious.

We better try something else.

Hey, man! Yo, there she is!

[GROWLING]

Yes!

Yeah. We got her. She's on the line.

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

JAY: She's gone! Now what are we
gonna tell Van Dusen?

I think we need a little more time.

I'm gonna have you the dog by Friday, sir.

<i]-</i]ARMAND: <i]Friday.</i]
-Absolutely.

-My promise.
<i]-I'm not kidding around.</i]

-Alrighty, then. Bye-bye.
<i]-I'm tired of your excuses, Ward.</i]

-Yes, sir. Bye-bye.
<i]-The dog show is Friday.</i]

<i]-I want that dog.</i]
-Yes, sir. Good-bye.

<i]Do you know what I'm saying, Ward?</i]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

I'm sorry, sir.
I wasn't hanging the phone up...

MIKE: [DISTORTED VOICE]
<i]What happened, you sneaky weasel?</i]

It's you!

Listen to me. I did everything you asked
me to, and you still didn't show up!

<i]-You called the police, didn't you?</i]
-I did no such thing.

You're just trying
to make a buffoon out of me.

I'm done with your games!

<i]Hey, that place was swarming</i]
<i]with badges, and you know it.</i]

-Now, you hold on a minute...
-No, I don't have a minute, Van Dusen.

So, listen up, all right? 4:30 today.

<i]Go by the, uh, bowling alley.</i]

Get yourself a bright orange bowling ball.

I want you to bowl


<i]Not one pin knocked down,</i]
<i]you understand me, mister?</i]

The last frame, your ball will be
returned to you with a note attached,

telling you where to find the dog.

By the way, does your wife have
a frilly robe and some fluffy slippers?

Yes!

Goose egg.

[LAUGHS] Zero for 10.

Guess it's not my night.

Where's that note? I want my note!

Where's my note? [GRUNTS]
You promised me a note!

I want it! Give it to me now!
I want that note!

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[BARKING]

GIRL: Get away! Get away!

Mommy! Get away.

-Mommy!
-MIKE: Oh, there she is.

See, I told you I knew her voice.

You don't listen to that yapping all night
without getting it burned into your mind.

All right, now.
Just stay behind me, all right?

She might make a run for it.

All right, come on. Watch my back.
All right, come here.

-Come on, stay close. Stay close, come on.
-Mommy!

-Hi.
-Come here, girl. Come here, Camille.

-Come here, dog.
-Come on, Camille.

I got her.

[BARKING]

All right, come on.
Get her, get her, get her!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[CAMILLE WHIMPERING]

-I don't believe it.
-Me neither.

Nice. Well done, little brother.

Come here, you stupid dog. Hello.

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

She acts a lot more normal now.

Yeah. I guess all she needed
was to run around

and burn off some energy, you know?

I mean, she spends
half her life at the groomer

and the other half going to dog shows.

She just needed to chill out
and be a regular dog for a while.

Now, we can really
set up that trade, you know?

I got a good feeling about this, Jay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO]

I've been informed that we're up
and running at your house as well.

Good. I want that miscreant behind bars
as soon as possible.

This way, son.

You... You wanted to...

What?

You wanted to see me, sir?

I want 300 new posters, Martin,
with a police hotline number on 'em.

Get on it right away.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

GIRL: No way. No way!

Excuse me, are you gonna be long?

'Cause I have to make
a really important call.

[SHUSHING] Are you serious?

No way.

No way. Really?

No way.

No way, no way, no way.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

MIKE: [DISTORTED VOICE]
<i]Hello, for the last time, Van Dusen.</i]

-What do you mean?
-Well, either we settle this matter today,

or it does not get settled at all.

GIRL: Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

I'm so sure.

No way. He is not.

She is not.

We are not!

-This is an emergency. I'm really sorry.
-Oh!

Let's just keep it
nice and simple, all right?

Let's meet in a simple location
in a secluded part...

-[PHONE BEEPS]
-Oh, you know what? Hold on.

That's my other line.

He put me on hold.

That's excellent. That buys more time.

We just need two minutes.

Hello?

The police are tapping Van Dusen's phone!

What? I'm on the other line
with him right now.

Hang up! Hang up, now!

-Van Dusen?
-Yes.

-I thought of a place.
-Oh, you know? I gotta go. Bye.

[GRUNTS IN DESPAIR]
He hung up on me.

[PANTING]

MIKE: Jay!

-Hey, Jay!
-Over here.

-Hey, man, any sign?
-No.

The trace must not have gone through.

We can't just turn her in now.

Well, maybe we can let her loose,
and hopefully someone will find her.

What if she gets hit by a car?
I can't live with that.

Look, it's either that or we go to jail.

I mean, do you understand, Jay?

Our lives could be ruined by this.

Man, look.
I'm sorry I got you involved in this.

Look, if we get arrested,
I promise I will take all the blame.

And if I wasn't such a wimp,
none of this would have ever happened.

No, see, we're in this together.
And we'll get out of it together.

Good. 'Cause I think I got a plan
that'll get us out of all of this.

All right. Well, let's hear it.

Okay. First...

So, what do you think
of my disguise?

I told you, man.
It looks like you cut it off the dog.

Really?

It's 'cause I did.

I don't know about this, little brother.
It seems really risky to me.

It's simple. See, Look.
The police are in the main house.

So, I'll just sneak through
the neighbors' backyards

and into the pool house.

But if Ronny's there,
you just distract him for a little bit.

-It'll be fine.
-I guess.

But I don't really know
a whole lot about BMX bikes.

Just wing it.

Okay, when you hear the bird call,

[CAWING]

get out of there.

Hey, did you draw this all from memory?

-Yeah.
-It's really good, Jay.

Thanks.

All right, Camille. Ready to go home?

-[CAMILLE WHIMPERING]
-Oh, I'm gonna miss you, too.

So long, puppy dog.

[BARKING]

[SHUSHING] Quiet! Quiet!

Don't worry, Camille.

We're just gonna take you
for a little walk in the basket, okay?

Good girl. Who's a good dog?

-How'd you get her to do that?
-[CHUCKLES]

I don't know. I was just nice to her.

[SIGHS]

All right. Wish me luck.

You don't need luck, little brother.
It's a good plan.

[WHIMPERING]

[DOG BARKING]

WOMAN: Go on, Suggs. Go outside.
Do your business.

[BARKING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

Get off of me! Get away!

Get away from me! Get away, get away!

WOMAN: Come here, Suggs! Come on, boy!

Good boy, Suggs.

[PANTING]

[KNOCKING]

Hi. Who are you?

Hi, I'm Fred Fredrickson.

Yeah, I'm a reporter from <i]BMX</i] magazine.

I was wondering
if you'd be interested in doing

a small review for the magazine?

Wait. Wait, how did you know
I like BMX bikes?

Well, you do subscribe
to the magazine, don't you?

No. No, I don't.
I get my issues up the street.

Okay, well, you know what?

If you're not interested
in getting a free BMX bike

for writing a real kid's review,
that's okay...

No, actually, I'm interested. I...

What do I do to get the bike?

Well, just answer a few questions
for us to see if you qualify, okay?

Let's have 'em.

Okay, um, questions. [CHUCKLES]

Let's see what we got here.

Okay. Um... [CLEARS THROAT]

Okay, uh, BMX stands for what, exactly?

[LAUGHS]

Uh, bicycle motocross. Next.

Okay. Um...

[CHILDREN SHOUTING]

CHILDREN: Let's go, let's go, let's go...

Oh, man.

Um, those things that
the BMX frame rides on.

What are those called?

You mean the tires?

[CHUCKLES] You're good, mister.
You're really good.

Okay, well...

To "pop a wheelie"
means to do what in BMX jargon?

These questions are ridiculous, and...

You know what? That's wrong. I'm sorry.

No, you know what? I know the answer.

[CUTTING OFF EACH OTHER]

I can only accept
your initial answer to the question.

Next question.

Whoa!

What was that?

Oh, sorry. I had a little rumble
in my stomach. I'm a little hungry.

So, tell me, what kind of axle grease
does BMX rider Kai Vierstra prefer?

-What's the guy's name?
-Kai Vierstra.

It's in the throat.

I don't know.

[CAMILLE WHIMPERING]

[CAMILLE WHIMPERING]

[SOBBING]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

-Hello?
-Hello, Mr. Van Dusen.

<i]Sorry I had to hang up</i]
<i]on you the last time.</i]

I, uh... I stubbed my toe.

<i]Anyway, this is your last chance</i]
<i]to get your dog back, so listen up.</i]

I'm listening.

Meet me behind Fineman's Deli in one hour.

It's secluded there.

-Good-bye, Mr. Van Dusen.
<i]-No, wait, can...</i]

[CAMILLE WHIMPERING]

He hung up.

No, he didn't break the connection.
We're still tracing.

We're gonna get him.

Come on.

I'm gonna miss you.

Look... I don't really have time
for a long good-bye,

but... You be good, okay?

Mars is the fourth, fifth,
or sixth planet from the sun?

RONNY: Wait, that has nothing
to do with BMX bikes, at all.

Bye, Camille.

[WHIMPERING]

[CAWING]

Oh, you know what? It's a moot point,
because you didn't pass the test.

Wait, what do you mean, I didn't pass?
I got one wrong.

No, no, no. See, you missed the whole
"pop a wheelie" question, and...

That's still one wrong!

Thank you so much for playing.
I appreciate your time, okay.

But we've got a lovely parting gift
for you today.

Please enjoy these free <i]BMX</i] magazines.

Have a great day, okay? Buh-bye.

I won, really.

-[CAMILLE SLURPING]
-[MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY ON WALKMAN]

It says the call is coming in
from this address.

It can't be. We're all right here.

Except for...

Go, go!

[LAUGHING]

Hello?

Hello, indeed.

[CAMILLE BARKS]

Hey, you found Camille.

We certainly did,
and I, for one, am speechless.

My own son. I would never have guessed.

Oh, is my little baby all right?

VAN DUSEN: Is this what you were
gonna do with the money?

Buy a BMXer
I already said you couldn't have?

First of all, stop calling it a BMXer.

That's not what it is.

And second of all,
what are you talking about?

Don't play innocent with us, young man.

Kidnapping your own mother's dog.
How low can you get?

I'd say the apple doesn't fall
very far from the tree, Ward.

<i]Everybody wants to get</i]
<i]where they're going as fast as they can.</i]

<i]Including those with physical challenges.</i]

<i]Our town can make</i]
<i]greater efforts to create</i]

<i]a more handicapped</i]
<i]accessible environment.</i]

<i]With the addition of moving sidewalks</i]
<i]throughout the entire town,</i]

<i]and automatic doors</i]
<i]outside of every building,</i]

<i]we could begin the process</i]
<i]of reversing discrimination</i]

<i]against the physically challenged</i]
<i]in our world...</i]

<i]And, eventually, in the entire world.</i]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

<i]You just heard</i]
<i]Jay Martin's scholarship-winning</i]

<i]community improvement presentation.</i]

<i]In light of some recent occurrences,</i]
<i]we re-opened the competition.</i]

<i]And so, Mr. Martin will be attending</i]
<i]the Donald Peterson Academy</i]

<i]on a full scholarship.</i]

-Yes! Yeah!
-[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Mmm-mmm.

-Good job, man. Well done.
-Thanks.

Come here, come here.
Good job. Knucklehead!

Before we call the graduates up
to receive their diplomas,

I'll make a short speech
about the promise of the future.

Then, you will introduce
our keynote speaker, Nurse Ketcham.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

You buzzed, sir?

Yes, Ward.

I'd like another orange soda,
with less ice this time.

And another root beer for Mr. Martin.

Sorry to interrupt, Daddy, but I just
had to stop by with the good news.

[BARKING]

ELIZA: Did you see that?

I've never seen Camille
take to someone like that.

Guess I just have a way with dogs.

[CAMILLE SNARLING]

This dog is an excellent
judge of character.

What are you doing here, dear?

Oh, I just had to come by.
I couldn't wait.

I just came from the vet, and he said
that Camille was just fine.

He said that all this time
she was probably just stressed.

That couldn't wait until I got home?

No, this couldn't.

It's the most wonderful news in the world.

Camille is going to have puppies!
[LAUGHING]

Of course, I want to keep most of them.

But, since Camille seems
to like Jay so much,

would you like one of her puppies?

Yeah, thanks.

But the puppies will play havoc
with my allergies.

Oh, I know.

With Ronny off at school,
you can move into the pool house.

It's for your own good.

Thank you, dear.

Hey, Mr. Van Dusen.
Congratulations on the puppies.

-[CAMILLE BARKING]
-It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Forward march!

Left, left, left, right, left!

Platoon, halt!

I'm proud of you, son.

You've whipped this sorry group
into fine shape.

Thank you, sir!

Carry on.

About face!

Cadet Van Dusen!

What is the Starkwell creed, son?

Always try harder! Never give up, sir!

What are the three Rs, son?

Rules, regimen and respect, sir!

What does "pop-a-wheelie"
mean to you? Yeah!

Right, face!

Forward, march!

Left, left, left, right, left.

Left, left, left, right, left.

Left, left, left, right, left.