Recess: All Growed Down (2003)

[bunniefuu]

It was the best of times, it

was the whompernest of times.

It was just a regular school

day that started out quiet.

Harmless. Downright tender.

But tenderness

never lasts forever,

and before we knew it, that day

would take us to a place

none of us thought

we'd ever go again.

Lecture's over.

Oh, man. I can't believe

we had to sit for a whole hour

listening to Prickly

talk about foot hygiene.

And that was the grossest, most

disgusting video of all time.

It's OK, guys. We've got a whole

hour of recess to get over it.

I don't know, TJ. All that

foot talk kind of made me woozy.

I think I'd better

go see Nurse Kramer.

- Oh.

- Poor guy.

- He'll be OK.

- Indeed.

Beneath that quivering exterior

beats a heart of steal.

- So what'll it be? Kickball?

- Oh, yeah!

No! We gotta do something

that takes my mind off feet.

This would be an excellent time

to try out my new croquet set.

- Cro-what set?

- It's a British game,

very popular with

the upper classes. Shall we?

So we hit each other

with these hammers?

I think I'm gonna

like this game.

Oh, no. You use these mallets

to sh**t wickets.

We just need to find

a large, empty field to play on.

That might be

a bit of a problem.

Oh, man,

there's no space anywhere.

It seems my dream of playing

the backyard game of kings

is not to be.

Hey, wait. What about

the old, abandoned playground?

Yeah! No-one ever goes there!

A brilliant idea!

My dream is restored!

Ah, here she is -

the old, abandoned playground.

Now this is more like it.

No one's gonna bug us back here.

Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

I forgot how eerie

this place was.

The terrible memories

are flooding back to me.

Don't tell me you're worried

because of

what happened last time.

They promised they

wouldn't come here.

I guess that's true.

Excuse me, but I understand

the key to croquet enjoyment

- is to start a croquet game.

- You got it. What do we do?

Everyone take a hoop, spread

out and put them in the ground.

Yeah. And Gretch? Spinelli?

Take it from me.

All you've gotta worry about is

getting your wickets stomped...

- Argh!

- Argh!

Argh!

- Nothing to worry about, huh?

- He, he.

Big Kids, Big Kids, Big Kids.

Arr, arr. You are prisoner.

You come with us.

Hello there, small people.

Any of you hungry?

When I get out of here

I'm making

Kindergartener pancakes.

Quiet, Big Kid. You no

make pancakes. You in jail.

- But we didn't do anything!

- We're croquet enthusiasts.

This goes against every rule

of Big Kid/Kindergartener

relations.

Since the last incident,

the Old Playground has been

designated Big-Kid territory.

Captain Sticky, you're in charge

here. Tell them to let us go.

Captain Sticky

not in charge no more.

You're not?

I demand to know who is.

- Me am in charge!

- Whoa! Me get out of way!

- Me Chief Stinky.

- Never heard of you.

- Me new around here.

- That explains it.

Maybe where you come from,

Big Kids deserve to be tied up.

- But at this school we're nice.

- Big Kid tell lies.

- Not listen to Big Kid!

- What you talking about?

I don't care

if those guys listen, Stinky.

- They already know me.

- You play with Kindergarteners?

- As a matter of fact, I did.

- You trick Kindergarteners.

No. Listen, Stinky, and you'll

see. It was nothing like that.

It was beautiful, although

it started off pretty crumby.

Sort of like today.

Kirby Puckett is the greatest

outfielder that every lived.

You gotta be kidding me. Any of

these guys is twice as good.

- He's short. He's tubby.

- He's got an average of 318.

What about Babe Ruth?

Reggie Jackson? Willy Mays?

None of them

hold a candle to Kirby Puckett.

You wouldn't know talent

if it... Hey, wait a second.

- Don't change the subject.

- No, Teej. Look!

- Huh? What?

- The Old Playground?

I've heard about this place but

I thought it was just a myth.

It hasn't been used

since the seventies.

We shouldn't be here, man.

It really gives me the creeps.

Yeah. Let's... Argh!

- What the...

- Help! Get me down from here!

Oh, no! Kindergarteners!

But where are they coming from?

Get out of here, man!

Go! Save yourself!

Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

TJ!

- Argh!

- Vince! Are you OK?

TJ captured... Gotta help...

You'll be OK, man. You'll be OK.

We came through this clearing

and that's where we...

- He's gone!

- Poor TJ!

His baseball card.

Why did I leave him?

I should have stayed.

I should have done something.

You did what any kid

would have done.

Yeah. Ran and left your friend

hanging there.

Look, they've probably

taken him back to their pen.

We don't have much time.

Let's go.

The place is deserted.

They could be anywhere.

They've probably migrated

to their winter encampment.

But what have they done with TJ?

- Maybe they let him go.

- Maybe he fought his way out.

I'm afraid there's a possibility

of a far less pleasant scenario.

We've got to find him, you guys.

Wherever we have to go, however

long it takes, we must find him.

We're with you, Vince. Let's go.

I understand they use

every part of the tricycle.

The unthinkable has happened -

I am a prisoner

of the Kindergarteners.

Time passes slowly here.

Why they've taken me... What

they're going to do with me...

Who knows?

Even they can't seem to agree.

The one in the paper hat

seems to be their leader.

They call him Captain Sticky...

for obvious reasons.

- Big Kid.

- No. Me TJ.

- Big Kid!

- OK! Whatever you say.

- You food.

- Me? Food? No, not me!

Don't taste good.

Me taste bad. Yucky poo-poo.

- Food!

- Oh, you want to give me food!

You eat! You eat!

Uh... no, that's OK.

I'm not hungry.

- Grr!

- Maybe later?

I'm safe for now.

But I can't help wondering -

are they giving me food out of

some sort of twisted kindness,

or are they just

trying to fatten me up?

Gulp!

Chocolate.

- They were here.

- Yeah, but it's dry.

The trail's cold.

They could be anywhere by now.

- We're not giving up.

- No-one said we were.

Actually,

I may have said something.

But we're not. We're gonna find

TJ or we're gonna die trying.

I've lost

all track of time now.

So far the savages

have left me alone,

but I don't know

how much longer I can hold out.

They nabbed me before lunch

and if I don't eat soon,

it won't matter what they do.

I've got one job now -

staying alive.

Hmm! Nougat!

Can it be?

They're letting me go?

Well uh...

thanks for everything.

I guess I'll just be

hitting the old road.

On second thought, maybe

I'll just hang out for a while.

Nice yardsticks.

Finger-paints! Are you kidding?

That's for Kinder...

Grr!

OK. So who has... got yellow?

Eugh.

- I didn't see nothing!

- We know they were here.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

I... I... OK, OK, they were here!

It was terrible.

Me and the others

was hanging out

on the jungle gym

and suddenly

they was all around us.

We was lucky to get out alive.

- Was a fourth grader with them?

- I don't know.

I said was a fourth grader

with them?

I don't know! I didn't see!

I just ran, OK!

I just ran.

Let him go, Vince.

He didn't see anything.

But I'll tell you one thing,

if there was

a fourth grader with them,

I wouldn't hold out much hope.

I don't know what's going on.

A part of me knows that

what's happening is terrible.

And yet I... I...

I'm having fun!

Nap time.

- Nap!

- No, I'm too old for naps.

Nap!

- Hey, this feels pretty nice.

- Nap good.

Yeah, yeah. Nap good.

No!

We've looked everywhere, Vince.

Face it.

We're not gonna find him.

If the Kindergarteners still

have him, we may not want to.

We can't give up.

This is TJ we're talking about.

Guys! Guys! Look what I found!

A half-eaten lollipop,

and it's still wet.

- But that means...

- Right. They can't be far now.

- I knew it! Let's go.

- Wait!

- What is it?

- Can I have the lollipop?

Gr!

There it is. Let's go.

- They're gone!

- We must have just missed them.

We were so close. So close!

- Hey, look! A Winger Dinger!

- Whoa!

Well, at least we've found them.

What are they going to do to us?

Who knows? Probably

the same thing they did to TJ.

Oh, heartless fiends!

- Oh, man, it's TJ!

- What have they done to him?

TJ? Is it really you?

TJ gone. I Big Kid now.

- He's become one of them.

- TJ, listen to me.

You're not one of them.

You're one of us.

No! I am Kindergartener!

I am Kindergartener!

No, you're not a Kindergartener.

You're TJ. And I'm Vince.

- Vi-ince.

- That's right, TJ,

and this is Spinelli, and that's

Mikey and Gretchen and Gus.

- You're one of us.

- No!

You're a fourth grader.

You don't like finger-painting.

You like kickball and

four square and Little League.

- Little League...

- And you love baseball. Look.

Kir-by Puck-ett.

Yes, TJ! Yes!

It'll be OK, man. It'll be OK.

Here. Let me tie them for you.

Shoes. Underpants.

I can't get used to this stuff.

Hey, man, it takes time.

You were out there for hours.

But soon you'll be

back to normal.

Whatever happened out there,

you can put it all behind you.

Yes. Your terrifying ordeal

is over.

No, you guys. You don't

understand. I... I liked it.

- You liked it?

- Imagine it, guys...

Kindergarteners eat and

drink whatever they want,

go wherever they want to go.

There's no rules.

When you paint,

you don't use a brush.

You stick your hands in

the paint and feel the colour.

And you take naps, guys.

Right in the middle of the day.

Do you have any idea

how refreshing that is?

But TJ, it's so primitive!

Primitive? Maybe so.

But I was free, you guys. Free.

There's a part of me

that wishes I could go back.

But TJ, you can't go back.

He's right.

Even they can't go back.

- What?

- Don't you see?

Their way of life

is coming to an end.

But this time next year,

they'll be first graders.

So, Chief Stinky, in a way,

I am a Kindergartener.

I'm one of you. And I can

vouch for my friends here.

They're A-OK.

So how's about you let us go?

No! Big Kid lie!

Big Kids are bad!

Pyjama Boy, watch Big Kids

while Stinky think up boom-boom.

- Boom-boom? What's that?

- Big Kids get punishment.

- Like what?

- Something bad. Big, big bad.

Now that Stinky's not watching,

Hector can let us go.

We'll make it look like

we conked you on the head.

- Big Kids stay right here.

- What's with you?

- I thought you were nice.

- I thought most of you were.

Have you pint-sized

delinquents gone made?

Emma, Zed, Spencer, Jake.

And yes, you too, little Hector.

You've forgotten

who your friends are.

I believe I shall remind you.

- Brain Girl keep quiet!

- I will not!

There was a day not so long ago

when we let you into our lives

when no-one else would have you.

That's right.

Is it all coming back now?

In case it's not,

allow me to elaborate.

It was going to be another

carefree day of Big Kid fun.

But then Miss Grotke appealed

to our amazing Big Kid instincts

for Big Kid generosity.

Pee Wee Pals.

An idea whose time has come.

For one week,

fourth-grade big trees

have an opportunity to interact

with the kindergarten saplings,

playing, sharing, learning

and caring, during recess.

Here to explain more

is the architect of the

Pee Wee Pals programme,

our own kindergarten teacher,

Mrs Klemperer.

They all just sit there quietly.

Waiting. It's beautiful.

- Mrs Klemperer?

- Huh? Oh, yeah. Um...

I came up with this

Pee Wee Pals thing

to help the little ones

prepare for the numbered grades.

And buy me a little

peace and quiet.

That's all fine,

but what's in it for us?

Good question.

Each of you will take away

a sense of responsibility,

a deeper understanding

of his/herself,

and a better idea

of how we really are all one.

And two tickets to Gonzo World

Water Park and Arcade.

Ooh!

Now, are there any volunteers?

Yes! They're eating it up

like fudge.

- This is Freddie.

- Hiya, Fred. Meet Tubby.

Tubby like Freddy.

Oh man, this is gonna be so

easy. Gonzo World, here we come.

Yeah. I can smell the cotton

candy and the chlorine now.

OK. Only six more left.

Kids, meet your Pee Wee Pals.

Emma.

Jake.

Cyndi.

Zed.

- Hector.

- Bee! Catch bee! Eat bee!

And Spencer.

Run away!

Get 'em!

Seems like they're off

to a copasetic start.

Let's observe from

a safe distance.

You mean like Cleveland?

Oh, man, this is a nightmare.

Remind me why we agreed to this.

- We're the saplings.

- I did it for Gonzo World.

I'm not even sure

it's worth that.

Not worth it? It's Gonzo World!

Have you seen the commercials?

They've got huge water slides

100 feet tall,

rock music piped in the pools,

six types of corn dogs,

and the Eviserator -

Flume of Doom.

You guys stay up here but I'm

getting a ticket to Gonzo World.

TJ's right. No munchkin's

keeping me from tasting

the spray of the world's

most outrageous water park.

I must admit I'm intrigued by

the physics of the Eviserator.

Corn dogs...

This is gonna be cake. We just

gotta keep asking ourselves,

"What's in it for me?"

So, kid, what do you do for fun?

- Spencer eat paper.

- I'm still full from breakfast.

How about marbles?

You ever play marbles?

- Marbles yummy?

- No. But fun? Forget about it.

Now then. This is a textbook.

- Bextook.

- It has few pictures

and a high percentage

of small print.

But it's packed with

the knowledge of human kind.

Isn't that exciting?

This is a ball. Here. Catch.

- Pretty flowers.

- I think I'm gonna spew.

- Smell! Smell!

- Knock it off, will you?

You wander around acting

all ga-ga over weeds

and the world's

gonna eat you alive.

- Yuck.

- Yeah. You gotta get tough.

I got it. Ever arm wrestle?

- Wessle?

- Lesson one. Your equipment.

You've got to like poetry.

"Tiger, tiger, burning bright

in the forest of the night."

OK. How about meditation?

Tai Chi?

Oh, Zed, you really know

how to bring a guy down.

No, no, no, Hector!

Stay off of there!

You'll cut yourself climbing

over the sharp points

and fall off and crack your head

and stagger into traffic

without looking

and then never live

to see first grade!

- Monkey bars!

- Wait, wait, wait!

Monkey bars are a death trap

in primary colours!

- Ooh! Candy!

- Not candy. Toys.

Take this big marble and knock

the smaller marbles out.

Watch and learn.

You watching, kid?

Spencer! No!

What?

Who's responsible for this?

I demand an inquisition.

Nobody leaves the yard.

- Man in crown go boom!

- Let's get out of here.

Shouldn't we intervene

in some of these situations?

The big kids are

having a tough time.

That's all part of

the Pee Wee Pals philosophy.

- What time is it?

- Quarter after. Why?

Time for my medication. Aah.

- I can't find them, sir.

- Keep looking.

That marble stunt

was not good, Spencer.

We could have gotten hurt.

- Me want hat.

- Are you nuts? This hat is me!

It's who I am.

Nobody wears this hat but me.

Now what are

we gonna do for fun?

Too short for that.

Too stumpy for that.

Too fragile for that.

Aha.

Ah, the swings.

Can't top a classic.

You know how to pump, kid?

It's 50 % legs, 50 % arms

and 50 % attitude.

Don't just sit there! Pump!

I doing it! I doing it!

Stabilise! You're breaking up!

Pah! Pah! You little weasel!

I was only ten swings away

from my all-time record!

She eat sand! She eat sand!

I'll get you for this,

Detweiler!

Here's a tip.

Don't cross Swinger Girl.

Years of pumping have given her

wicked upper body strength.

What's the matter with you?

- I did all the running.

- Thirsty.

Kids. I wonder if the others

are having this much fun.

- Repeat after me. The rain...

- The rain...

- in Spain...

- in pain...

falls mainly in the temperate

zone south west of the Pyrenees.

Bloobee, bloobee,

bloo, bloo, bloo.

- Would you like to play a game?

- Game, game, game!

It's a very simple little

board game called... chess.

And he's out of there!

I mean, not too bad, rookie.

Try to get more loft. I like to

visualise sh**ting down a blimp.

sh**t the blimp!

No shame in losing, kid. What do

you say? Best eight out of 15?

I see a lion with shoes on.

Clown shoes.

Hector! Gotcha!

Hector, I told you

not to play over here.

Listen to Gus. He's pretty "with

it" when it comes to safety.

He taught us to contact

the electric company

to find out about cables

before starting any dig.

Wow!

Safety Man!

Thirsty! Thirsty!

Hold up.

I got a hunch that that one's

booby-trapped. Let me see.

Hey, let me play!

Or I'll make up something

to tell Finster on you!

Man, that's a tasty way

to cool off.

What are you

babbling about, Detweiler?

The drinking fountain. Jinky

Soda's doing product testing.

They rigged it to dispense

black cherry lime cooler.

Outta my way!

Oh, man, that was classic.

Do I have an eye or what, kid?

Kid?

You little rodent! Cut it out!

Get back here with

that punk kid, Detweiler!

That, if I'm not mistaked,

am checkmate.

Excellent use

of the Drake-Shiller offence.

Excellent fake-out, Jake.

That's your nickname!

Jake the Fake. Give me ten.

You have learned well, kid.

That's Cyndi to you, kid.

Wait a darn minute.

I want a rematch.

Cos that was way too fun!

Stay back, Safety Man. Danger!

Now you're getting it.

Beware doesn't mean be afraid.

It means be aware.

That looks like

a fish on a trike.

Yeah. And that one looks like

a double-decker bus

with a rabbit on top.

Winger Dinger?

- Should we call them in?

- No. Just a few more minutes.

Does the book indicate

we should let them play longer?

No, the book indicates

that Lieutenant Chapeau

is about to take Guinevere into

his well-muscled arms and...

- Gert!

- All right, all right.

This is so strange!

Good, but strange.

- My kids are almost behaving!

- We thought it'd be tough

but the little munchkins turned

out to be pretty cool after all.

- Hey, I think I'm one short.

- Where are TJ and his sapling?

- Psst! We're down here!

- TJ! What happened to you?

Oh, nothing. Except this little

monster almost got me k*lled.

I thought this would be easy -

watch a kid, go to Gonzo World.

Instead I get bruised,

splashed, kicked,

hunted, threatened, chased and

nearly beaten up three times.

This kid is... is... just like

me when I was in kindergarten.

- I had a blast!

- A blast! Yay, TJ!

Kid, you'll go far.

You just need the right breaks,

a special group of friends,

and of course,

the proper head gear.

Teej, are you N-U-T-S?

That's your hat!

It's OK. I'm gonna see

the little sapling tomorrow.

They're angels!

They're practically adults!

The peace! The quiet! I might

even be able to get them to nap!

Class, let's go inside.

It's time to put away our toys.

Ah! Ooh! Oh, my aching neck!

Well, guys, it turned out

to be a good recess after all.

Yeah. I got some exercise,

made a new pal,

and I'm going to Gonzo World.

There's no downside.

There he is!

Dang. I was hoping they wouldn't

recognise me. Gotta run.

OK. So now that

I think about it,

maybe we didn't want

anything to do with you at first

and maybe TJ did get into

a lot of trouble,

but we befriended you

nonetheless.

It's only fair to expect the

same friendship from you now.

Sorry, Brain Girl,

but Chief Stinky scary.

Stinky huge, Stinky huge.

- So Big Kids bad.

- Boo, Big Kids!

This is unbelievable. Simply by

being large, loud and pungent,

Chief Stinky has them

completely intimidated.

They'll do anything for him

and nothing for us.

Maybe, Gretchen, but maybe not.

There's still one Kindergartener

I know will help us.

- Who's that?

- My friend Tubby, of course.

Tubby and I formed a friendship

that will overcome any obstacle.

Big Kid stop

talking about Tubby.

Why, look. Here Tubby is now.

Hello, Tubby.

- Tubby never met you.

- But of course you have.

Tubby not remember nothing.

Oh. Then I'd be happy

to remind you.

It was a day all other students

look forward to

with great anticipation.

But not me. For me, it had

always been a day of anguish.

That's enough, Trumpet Boy.

Students, loyal subjects,

it's time for the

25th Annual Kindergarten Derby.

- Kindergarten what?

- Derby, Gus.

Us Big Kids pick

a Kindergartener

to train and run

in the big race.

The Derby runs the little tykes

through the most demanding

course ever designed by a kid.

And the little goof ball

who wins

gets any wish he wants

granted by King Bob.

I love it.

It's pure competition.

- I don't love it.

- Don't start up with that.

The Kindergarten Derby

is the sport of kings.

And as king, I say...

I get first pick!

- You think we'll get lucky?

- It won't be luck.

I've developed a formula

based on body structure.

- What's your name, boy?

- Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert!

He even talks fast! I, King Bob,

- select the Kindergartener...

- No!

Stop. We can't treat these

Kindergarteners like cattle.

- We did it last year.

- Well, it was wrong last year,

and the year before that,

and back when we were small.

We need to end this inhumane

charade once and for all.

Anyway, as I was saying,

I pick Gilbert.

OK, rabble, pick your losers.

- Look at those cheekbones.

- We'll take him.

Hey, Mikey, come on.

Don't walk away.

Sorry. I cannot be

a party to this injustice.

He's bugging about what happened

when he ran in the Derby.

- What did happen?

- We swore never to speak of it.

We double gramma swore.

Ooh!

What are you doing,

little fella?

- Tubby training.

- Poor kid. I know how it is.

They're making you run.

Tubby want run.

Tubby win big Derby.

You want to win so King Bob

will grant you your wish.

Tubby no care about wish. Tubby

run to show he good runner.

Who's your sponsor?

Swinger Girl? The Ashleys?

Tubby no have sponsor.

No-one pick Tubby.

A life without disappointment

is a life not lived.

- Who you pick, giant man?

- Me? No-one.

I refuse to participate in the

debasement of Kindergarteners.

Race not in basement.

Race upstairs in playground.

Uh... never mind.

You pick Tubby!

Tubby run for you.

Sorry but it wouldn't be right.

Wait! You help Tubby train.

You be Tubby's big brother.

Tubby no have big brother.

I've always wanted a brother.

- But no. It's not right.

- Pretty please, big giant boy.

All right,

you've got yourself a trainer.

When I say go...

- He's not coming back, is he?

- No, sire.

Remember, winning isn't

important. Just finish.

On your mark, get set, go.

I'm exhausted. Let's break

for a Winger Dinger.

No! Tubby want more train.

He's as determined

as he is doomed.

- OK. Let's see your stuff.

- Can't. My stuff in my cubby.

No, I mean... Just go.

Dudes!

The kid's got some wheels!

Don't thank me, although this is

evidence that my formula works.

Ooh! Ladybug!

You and your lousy science.

Five minutes, 48 seconds.

Not bad at all.

Thanks. You think Tubby win?

Uh... Tubby finish.

How does that sound?

Five minutes, 45 seconds.

That's an improvement!

Isn't that wonderful, Tubby?

OK. Let's take five.

Tubby happy when he win big

race. Trophy look delicious.

Try not to think about winning.

Just concentrate on finishing.

No. Tubby really want to win.

Don't we all, Tubby.

Don't we all.

- Why Mikey sad?

- It's nothing.

I was just thinking

about something that happened.

Tell Tubby, big brother, then

Tubby be sad too, like Mikey.

Tubby, I told you,

I don't want to talk about it.

Tell Tubby, please.

Back when I was

a kindergartener, I... I...

I wasn't able

to finish the Derby, OK?

Mikey no finish Derby?

I'm the only kid in the history

of Third Street who didn't.

That kid's so big

he can't even run!

He's not just fat,

he's pigeon-toed fat!

I ran away. I just ran away.

Maybe big kids like us

weren't meant to run.

- Maybe we shouldn't even try.

- No! You wrong, giant boy!

We as good as anybody else. Me

run in race. Me finish for you.

Really? You'd do that for me?

That's what

a little brother's for.

No, Tubby!

Don't eat the wrapper!

OK. Stay loose. And remember,

visualise. Eye of the cheetah.

Hey, Mikey,

you picked a kid after all.

- Actually, he picked me.

- Come on. Race about to start.

Place your bets. Sorry, kid.

I don't take frozen desserts.

Hey, manzilla. Aren't you even

gonna, like, bet on your kid?

Actually, no. For, you see,

to us, winning is unimportant.

We run for the simple thrill

of competing,

the shared sense of unity

at the starting line,

the human potential expressed

in a thing as simple as a race.

Like bok-bok-bok, chicken!

Excuse me, Tubby. Wait here.

Hustler Kid,

I'd like to place a bet.

- Watcha got?

- A Winger Dinger.

Easy, big spender!

Don't break the bank!

Who can blame him for betting

small? His kid won't win.

He's husky. Pigeon-toed husky.

That's it! Here. I bet 37 Winger

Dinger's on my friend Tubby.

The 25th Annual Kindergarten

Derby is about to begin.

- Hustler Kid, close betting.

- Oh!

Hey, what's that kid wearing?

- None of your business.

- I hate those guys.

As always,

may the best little runt win.

- Sound Effects Boy?

- Ahem.

- Run! Run!

- Faster! Faster!

Just finish!

Just finish! Just finish!

- This is terrible!

- Those laces cost a fortune!

- He's pulling away.

- Of course he's pulling away.

It's part of my strategy.

- She's falling behind.

- It's all part of my strategy.

Slow and steady,

slow and steady.

Slow and steady.

They're coming to Clown Slalom!

They're approaching

the Valley of Distraction.

It's done in more than

one promising Kindergartener.

That's why I put

the blinders on him.

You're a genius,

your majesty. A true genius.

Gilbert getting tired.

Gilbert getting tired.

Cyndi beat Gilbert. Cyndi beat

Gilbert. Cyndi beat Gilbert...

Ooh, shiny! I rich! I rich!

The Valley of Distraction

got Cyndi!

Well, there's always next year.

- Isn't that Mikey's kid?

- He's catching up on Gilbert!

You're kidding!

If your kid passes Gilbert

he might win the race!

Winning isn't important.

I just want Tubby to finish.

No, Tubby!

Don't eat the wrapper!

No eat wrapper.

Tubby finish race.

Just finish, Tubby! Just finish!

- You dropped your betting slip.

- Let me see that.

He's got a 37 Winger-Dinger

ticket at 99-1!

It matters not. I only made this

bet to support my young charge.

That many Winger Dingers would

get you through high school!

Run, you little whomper!

Run to win! Win, win, win!

Giant boy say win, Tubby win.

- Whoa!

- Is that fat kid ours?

- No, we only own Gilbert.

- But the big one's catching up!

- Don't worry. Gilbert will win.

- You had better hope so.

- He's gonna do it!

- Run, Tubby, run!

Move it, you little brat,

or you're banished!

Wrong, brat! Wrong, brat!

You did it, Tubby! You didn't

only finish, you won! You won!

Tubby won it for giant kid. We

just as good. We just as good.

We uh... seem to have lost,

your highness.

I can see that! Well, might

as well get this over with.

Kids of the playground, I give

you the winner of the Derby.

Tubby.

By the power vested in me,

as set down in the constitution,

yadda, yadda, yadda,

I hereby grant you one wish.

Tubby wish... Tubby wish there

be no more Kindergarten Derby.

No more Kindergarten Derby?

But it's a playground tradition!

The tradition bad.

My big brother Mikey show me.

He act like Tubby is a person.

But all you other Big Kids

treat us like horses.

You make us run and

don't care what we want at all.

The bigger kids did it to us.

Just cos you treated bad,

don't mean you treat

little kids bad.

- That not make it right.

- Gee, I don't know.

All right, fine. The

Kindergarten Derby is no more.

So big brother Mikey.

Did Tubby do good?

No, little friend,

Tubby did great.

Now, Tubby,

I'm sure you remember that.

We formed a friendship

that will last forever.

Tubby? Tubby!

Tubby not know you.

But I thought

we would always be friends.

Don't take it personally.

He is your friend.

It's just dangerous

for him to admit it.

We tried sweet-talking them,

being their buddies. What else?

Chief Sticky is so oppressive

that he overpowers

their desire to help us.

There's gotta be some way

we can get out of this.

Woogablablabah!

Chief Stinky talk now. Me have

decided on Big Kid punishment.

Ooh!

Sorry, guys,

but there is no way out of this.

We're getting a boom-boom.

Feeling fresh

and fit as a fiddle.

- Hi, Gus. Where have you been?

- In the nurse's office.

Prickly's foot-care lecture

made me dizzy.

It made me

feel like throwing up.

Say, have you seen

TJ and the guys?

They went that way

with Mikey's new croquet set.

Thanks, Corn Chip Girl.

According to my trusty watch,

I have 45 minutes left

of good old recess fun.

Hey, guys. Guys?

I guess they're not back here.

But hey...

Mikey's croquet set.

Something bad happened here.

Something very bad.

Argh! Grr! Grr!

- Hey, little fella!

- Big Kid! Big Kid!

Get 'im!

- What are you going to do?

- We take you prisoner.

Big Kid step on

Kindergartener land.

But the Old Playground

is Big Kid land.

Don't waste your breath. They're

ignoring playground treaties.

- Quiet, Red Hat Boy.

- Red Hat Boy? But that's TJ!

You know TJ!

What's going on? I thought

the Kindergarteners liked us.

It's all different now.

They've become little monsters.

- Did they miss their nap?

- Worse. Much worse.

There's been a major upheaval

in their social order.

Walalalalah!

Me Big Chief Stinky.

Me in charge now. You be quiet.

- Chief Stinky?

- He's new in school.

He intimidates the other tots

with his size and smell.

- Give me bug!

- My bug!

Give me bug! When me wake up,

Big Kids get punishment.

Mud pie m*ssacre!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

A mud pie m*ssacre?

I hate mud pie massacres!

- We gotta talk them out of it.

- They ain't listening.

We reminded them about

when we were their Pee Wee Pals.

And the time TJ

hung out with them.

And the time

I helped young Tubby.

Stinky doesn't care about that

and he's in charge now.

- We're gonna get massacred.

- Big kids be quiet!

- Chief Stinky take his nap.

- Hector! Not you, too!

It's me! Your buddy, Safety Man!

You no Safety Man no more.

You bad Big Kid.

- And me Pyjama Boy.

- Your name is Hector!

Please stop, Safety Man!

Not make Chief Stinky mad!

If Stinky mad,

Stinky knock Hector down!

You guys aren't happy. Someone's

gotta stand up to him.

That not true! That wrong!

I've got a story

that might change your mind.

Me sick of stories

about how Big Kids nice to us.

My story's not about that.

It's not even about you.

It's about me

when I was a Kindergartener.

Oh! Kindergartener Safety Man?

That's right. It all happened

four long years ago.

My family had just moved and

I was starting at a new school.

Well, soldier, this will be your

first day at a new kindergarten.

- I hope you're not nervous.

- Me not nervous.

New Kid Gus make lots

and lots of friends. Grr!

- Go get 'em, trooper.

- That's our Gus.

Hey, Big Kids. Me like your

school. Me happy to be here.

- Heads up!

- Got it! Coming back atcha!

- Hey! Good throw!

- He's cute.

For a five-year-old,

he's pretty cool.

Surprisingly cool!

Here we are.

Your new kindergarten room.

- Do you want us to walk you in?

- No, thanks.

- Me got it under control.

- That's the spirit.

- Gr! Ruff, ruff!

- I'll pick you up after class.

Gotcha.

Oo, oo, ee, ee!

Ooga, ooga, ooga!

Me Gus! Me new!

Kindergarten, kindergarten, yay!

- Uh... me got right room?

- Oh, you have the right room.

This is the Kindergarten class.

Welcome to Third Street School.

You're telling me that Finster

was our kindergarten teacher?

- And that she was nice?

- And you were cool?

Your tale seems

a little farfetched -

you didn't even move

to our school till this year.

Are you sure? How many of you

remember kindergarten?

What Big Kid wants to remember

that he was... a Kindergartener?

I permanently erased it

from my brain.

All I remember

is the Kindergarten Derby.

That's what I thought.

I moved here for a while

in kindergarten.

- But Gus...

- Hey! Big Kids stop gabbing!

Tell more story. Hector

wondering what happened next.

Very well. It was my first day

at Third Street School.

Things were a little different

back then,

but not just with Miss Finster

and not just with me,

but with these guys, too.

"And little Geoffrey remembered

to thank Great Aunt Agnes

for the brand new

velvet play suit.

He sat quietly and ate

all of his kidney pie,

and he cleaned his room

extra thoroughly

in hopes that his next birthday

would be as special as this."

The end.

Ah, wasn't that a fun story?

- Now it's time for a snack.

- Yay! Woowoowoo!

Snack, snack, snack! Juice!

Your last kindergarten failed

to teach classroom etiquette.

That's all right. You'll learn.

Line up with your classmates.

Single file, children.

- Yes, Miss Finster.

- One snack a piece.

Take them outside.

Be sure to use a napkin.

Chew your snacks thoroughly

and dispose of your trash.

Don't worry. You'll fit in just

like all the other children.

Boy, I sure hope not.

Hi, kid. My name's Gus.

What's your name?

Ooh!

OK.

- Morning, girlies...

- Like, uh...

Hm. Very strange.

Feed me!

Very more stranger indeed.

Hi, Red Hat Boy. I'm Gus.

What's your name?

Uh... Theodore Jasper Detweiler.

Theodore Jasper?

I'll call you TJ.

TJ sounds more neater. And it's

two of the letters that I know.

TJ... Hey, I think I like that.

Nifty. Anyway, TJ,

I've got a question for you.

How come nobody in this class

acts like Kindergarteners?

You know...

Gr! Ooh! Me crazy! Yah!

- Please don't!

- It just don't make no sense!

I've been in three

kindergartens already.

I've never seen nothing

like this. Kids are scared.

What are you scared of?

Miss Finster?

Miss Finster likes quiet,

but that's not why we are.

- How come, then?

- Grr!

- It's Mikey! Run for your life!

- Run for my life?

That's crazy! Hi there, Mikey.

My name is Gus.

- I just moved...

- You give Mikey snack!

Ow!

Hee, hee, hee.

Well done, Chief Mikey.

Now back to the palace.

- In you go, your highness.

- Grr!

Hey! Big boy!

You cannot take my snack! Hey!

Gus, you don't want to

tangle with Chief Mikey!

That's right. Behave yourself.

- Who are you?

- I am Wandall.

- Wandall?

- Not Wandall. Wandall.

Randall helps protect us from

Chief Mikey. Chief Mikey's mean.

- He sure is.

- Tell him about what you heard.

One time Chief Mikey sat on

a toddler, just for kicks!

Sat on a toddler!

That's just plan evil!

Yes, it is. Lucky for you,

I'm here to watch out for you.

Chief Mikey make me drive

his tricycle, guard his palace,

but I can keep him

from sitting on you.

Remember, Chief Mikey is

a dangerous, dangerous meanie.

But I can keep you safe. Do what

I say and everything will be OK.

Randall, you're the bestest

friend a kid could have.

I know. Now scat, all of you,

and behave yourselves.

If you don't, Chief Mikey will

pull your hair and kick you.

Keep quiet. I'll convince Chief

Mikey not to rip you to pieces.

Thanks, Randall. Come on, Gus.

Let's find a place to be quiet.

- Hang on there, TJ.

- Mikey will hear us!

- He'll smush us! Come on!

- No!

- What are you saying, Gus?

- Maybe I will get sitted on,

but kindergarten's supposed to

be a place where you get messy

and act like animals.

Growl! Oo, oo, aa, aa, aa!

c*ck-a-doodle-doo!

This is the very last chance

we get to be like that!

There's no way I'm letting some

mean kid take that away from me.

I'm gonna tell Chief Mikey I'm

not putting up with meanness,

even if I do get sitted on.

Who's going with me?

- No.

- I don't know...

TJ? All right,

then I'll do it all on myself.

- Open up the door right now!

- Gr! You better go away!

Grr!

I'm telling you, Mikey,

those kids hate you.

They talk about

how big and fat you are.

It's a good thing you've got me

or they'd get away with it.

You mind passing

one of those juice boxes?

Aah.

Now it all makes sense. And

there's only one thing to do.

I'm going in.

That there is the most bravest

thing I ever seen anyone do.

- Ow! Ow!

- Mikey sat on New Boy's head!

Oh, no, he didn't.

Mikey wouldn't sit on no-one.

- Hey, Mikey, come on out.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow!

You can stop saying "ow".

Mikey's not even hurting you.

What are you talking about? He

sure was! Cos he's big and mean!

You all saw him steal

the New Boy's snack!

And yesterday before last

he took my jump rope!

He once kicked my pile of rocks.

So what do you say about that?

What do I say? I say it was

all a terrible misunderstanding.

Hey! Mikey gave me

a piggyback ride!

Enjoy, my little friend.

Randall told me you all made fun

of me, that you hated me.

That hurt my feelings

and made me very angry.

Hey, where did you get

the fancy voice?

This is my normal voice. Randall

told me to use that mean voice.

You really should

admit the truth, Randall.

- It'll make you feel better.

- Oh, all right. I did it.

I just had to convince Mikey

everyone was afraid of him,

that I was his only friend.

Snacks, lunches, power -

it could have all been mine.

I could have been king! I would

have ruled the playground!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha... Oh.

If my plan had only succeeded.

You've been

a very naughty little boy.

But I forgive you.

You don't gotta be

scared of Mikey no more.

Let's have

some kindergarten fun!

Yippee!

Me swing! Me swing!

Me go upsy-daisy down!

Pinned ya!

Hey, I'm pretty tough.

Yes, you are, Spinelli.

But I think I smashed your doll.

Mama! Feed me! I'm hungry!

Eugh. Feed yourself, girlie.

I'm fightin'.

All right.

Who else wants a piece of me?

Mud, when mixed with compounds

of different viscosities,

such as this peanut butter

and this jelly,

makes a truly superior goo.

Scandalous!

You see, TJ? That's the way a

kindergarten oughta should be.

Are you crazy? This is bad.

This is very, very bad!

I'm telling!

Miss Finster! Miss Finster!

- Miss Finster, quick!

- What is it, Randall?

- The kids are out of control!

- My stars!

Children! Children!

Stop it this instant!

Remember your manners.

You must be quiet.

You must remain clean.

You must...

- Uh-oh.

- Why... Why...

But how... Who...

It was the new boy,

Miss Finster!

This all happened

because of him.

Oh, the new boy, you say.

Yes, ma'am.

He's been a very bad influence.

I never realised what

a helpful little boy you were.

Griswold, I knew from the moment

I saw you that you were trouble.

I tried being nice to you,

I tried being nice to you all,

but I see that approach

doesn't work.

So Griswold,

you're coming with me.

- Where to, ma'am?

- To the principal's office.

That's right, children.

When you don't sit quietly

and do nothing,

bad things happen.

Randall, keep an eye on these...

these... miscreants.

- With pleasure.

- You watch what happens to Gus

and you'll change your tune.

If I have anything to say,

Kindergarteners at this school

will never act

like savages again.

You heard. I'm in charge here.

Behave and keep it quiet.

Woe is me!

Our new friend Gus is doomed!

Well, Gus didn't give up on us,

so I'm not giving up on him.

I've found out what it's like

to be a real Kindergartener,

and I like it.

If it wasn't for Gus, we'd

all still be scared of Mikey.

We'd be quiet and polite,

and that's just wrong.

New Boy Gus was willing to get

himself in trouble for us.

I think I'd be a crumby boy if I

didn't do just as much for him.

- Who's gonna help me?

- I will.

- I will.

- Count me in.

Include me as well.

- Tender.

- Hey, I'm in charge here!

- You in big, big trouble.

- Like, no, you don't.

Come on, everybody.

We lock him in the palace.

Argh!

- What now, Theodore?

- It's TJ, Vince.

And listen up.

Cos guys, I got a plan.

Just like I figured.

The Big Kids are all in class.

We'll slip in undefected.

- Is this Prickly's office?

- Gretchen?

Allow me to verify.

When Prickly gets here I'll see

we make an example of that boy.

Egad! Oh, one office over.

Bingo. He's all alone in there,

awaiting his fate.

- All right. Phase two. Vince?

- I got it, Teej.

- Mikey? Spinelli?

- Willing and able, TJ.

- Hey, are you OK?

- Whoa, I really am tough.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm bustin' you out.

- Principal, there you are.

- What's going on, Miss Finster?

- This better be important.

- I can't leave!

They're gonna expect me

to be sitting in that chair.

Don't you worry. There will be

someone sitting in that chair.

I'm telling you, sir, my entire

class is acting like savages.

It's all because of that sneaky

little hoodlum, Gus Griswold.

The new boy?

But that's impossible.

You have the most

well-mannered class ever.

One little child

couldn't change them.

Oh, just you wait

till you see him, sir.

Right here, sir. A sneaky,

brilliant junior criminal.

- What the...

- Mama, I made a mess.

Please change me.

Griswold!

You regalise we're all gonna

get in trouble for this.

That's OK, Gus. It's worth it.

I just made the best bunch of

friends a kid could ever have.

- You said it!

- And the rest is history.

I moved away again the next day,

but me and TJ and the guys did

become the best friends ever.

That beautiful story,

Safety Man.

Makes Hector happy.

Hector like to be happy.

But you can't be all that happy,

Hector. Not living like this.

It seems to me if anyone's

prisoners here, it's you guys.

Safety Man make good point.

So I say forget about

helping us Big Kids.

After we get massacred

we can wash up and leave.

But this is their kindergarten.

This is your home.

And those are your friends.

You've got to stand up for them.

- And stand up for yourself.

- You're right, Safety Man.

Tubby! Cyndi! Captain Sticky!

Hector love you!

- Hector make you happy again!

- Who wake up Chief Stinky?

Oh, no!

You, Pyjama Boy!

You wake up Chief Stinky!

Chief Stinky knock you over!

Waah! I scraped knee!

Teacher, teacher! Stinky need

kiss kiss on boom-boom! Waah!

Hey! Stinky not so tough!

- We're not scared no more!

- Yay!

Hector new chief!

Hector say let Big Kids go!

- I'm free!

- Thanks, Hector!

Hector thank Safety Man.

We be happy. We have fun.

We free!

Well, there they are, wild,

crazy and back to normal.

- It's perfectly terrifying.

- That's what I say.

Let's get out of here.

Gus, that was some

quick thinking in there.

- You faked 'em out, man!

- What an imagination!

- Me scared of Mikey?

- And me a frightening ogre?

Like I could have been some

wimpy guy who wasn't the leader!

Now I know you made

that story up! You're so funny!

- Great story.

- Uh... of course, guys.

- I made the whole thing up.

- Well, duh!

There's still a little recess

left. Let's have some fun.

Perhaps we can still salvage

my croquet set.

Miss Finster. There go TJ and

the g*ng. Shall I spy on them?

Yes. And keep an extra close eye

on Griswold, will you?

- Uh... yes, ma'am.

- Some day, Griswold.

Some day you'll slip up

and I'll get even.

Oh, yes. I'll get even.