Nooo!
And that, Mrs. Bleckner, is why
I don't have the formula
on your desk.
So very, very sorry.
Let's try this one more time,
shall we?
Your math homework,
Mr. Miller.
And please refrain from
patronizing me with
"My dog ate it" or
"My grandmother passed away. "
Actually, you see, it's more
of a combination thing.
The truth is,
my grandmother was helping me
with my homework-
bless her soul-
when my dog pounced on
the kitchen table and ate her.
Yup, that's why I don't
have my homework.
My dog ate my grandmother.
You're a story teller,
Thomas.
Do you know what story tellers
do?
They tell stories.
No, they tell-
yes, they tell stories.
Now, why don't you and your
overactive imagination
pay a little visit to
Principal Hampton after school?
I believe you know the way.
I'd like to say something
in my defense.
Thomas, don't speak.
But she-
Shh! Say nothing.
PRINCIPAL OVER INTERCOM:
Attention, students.
This is Principal Hampton
with a big announcement.
Please rise.
A very special guest from
the White House will be joining
us at our fall dance on Friday.
Oh, one more thing.
Thomas Miller, listen to me
carefully.
I'll be watching you,
so no shenanigans.
That is all.
Be seated.
So teachers don't get me.
Big deal. I mean, who cares?
that's why they're teachers
and not rock stars.
See, this is why I suggest
the less talking thing
as a very real option for you.
Hello, Drake.
What's going on, Mildred?
So what's it gonna be today?
Stuff me in a locker,
shake me down for loose change?
Hey, you know what's always fun?
Hanging me from the flag pole
by my underwear.
Why do you give him ideas?
Because he's too dumb to
think of anything on his own.
Did you just call me dumb?
See? No comprehension skills
whatsoever.
You are so finished.
I think it's time to go.
Yeah, let's go.
That's gonna leave a mark.
Who are you?
I'm Cliff Randall,
new substitute teacher.
Not making too good a first
impression, though, am I?
Uh, Thomas Miller.
It kind of depends if you're
one of my teachers or not.
I can kiss butt with the best
of them.
Thanks very much.
Oh, no, no.
Thank you very much.
And have a great day.
He's not only cute for
a teacher, he'd be hot
for a rock star.
What are you doing, Jackie?
You're supposed to be into me.
How's that working out
for me?
That's the nature of
our relationship, Jackie.
We've talked about it before.
So let me understand.
I continue to be the only person
in the whole entire world
who actually listens to you
and your outrageous stories,
And although I may or may not
have actual feelings for you,
I patiently wait by the side
until you decide what's best
for Thomas.
I need to explore all
my options.
I'm your only option.
Look around.
I don't see any line-up here.
Madison Kramer.
Madison Kramer?
It could happen.
Hold on, my phone's ringing.
Hello?
Oh, yeah, hold on.
He's right here.
It's for you.
It's planet earth.
They'd like to know
when you're coming back.
Everyone knows Drake
is taking Madison to the dance,
So please don't embarrass
yourself anymore.
Madison...
please explain you and Drake
to me.
Well, when I first came
to the school, Drake was
the first person I met.
And truth be told,
when he's not being so daft,
there's actually something
quite charming about him.
In any event, Drake was assigned
to be my lab partner.
and Madison was assigned
to be my girl.
Drake, you're being daft
again.
Anyway, Mr. Reese wants us
to dissect an animal and
I was telling the little guy,
I'm not so sure if I want
to be a part of it.
Alls I know is Reese is
one weird bird.
You guys know all that creepy
stuff he keeps in jars.
Yup, Reese is definitely
a top-ten major psycho.
Obviously you guys
don't know.
Know what?
Nevermind.
I've said too much as it is.
Hoffman, let's go.
What don't we know, Miller?
See, Reese actually isn't
even a science teacher.
Here we go.
You all know that my dad
has some major White House ties.
He told me the details, okay?
See, the biology lab is
actually a government-funded
work station where Reese is
an undercover operative
CIA, IBM, ATM type.
Do you want to hear more
or not?
No.
Wait, yes.
Tell me.
Don't-okay, go.
He's currently concocting
a chemical weapon so deadly
that if it comes into contact
with any part of your skin,
it burns until you're nothing
but bones.
Did you say nothing
but bones?
I did.
If you're fortunate enough
to live.
He's full of it.
We all know Miller never told
the truth before.
Why should we start believing
his crud now?
You think I would joke about
this sort of thing?
I- I even know where he keeps
the stuff.
Take us to the lab.
Show us.
Unfortunately, that's kind of
impossible as the lab is locked
and without the right-
keys?
Let's move, Mildred.
Chapman, you joining me?
No.
I mean I would, but...
there's scared people out here
who need a real man
to keep them protected.
Madison, sorry you don't
have a real man.
Please accept Drake Chapman
as the next best thing.
Okay, I'm going in now.
If anything happens to me,
tell the school newspaper
I lived one-sixth
of a full life.
You're so disturbed.
Boo!
Whoa!
I hope he's okay.
What?
You like him or something?
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yeah, Drake.
"I hope he's okay" is really
code for "gosh, he's hot.
I'd love to smother him
with kisses. "
If he's not out in
30 seconds, he's so done.
You have some serious issues,
don't you?
I'm not gonna tell you.
Sweet.
This squid is so fried.
It's on me!
Help, it's burning my flesh!
Get in there, Drake!
He's my neighbor, help him!
I'm not going in there.
It's bones!
Thomas Miller's nothing
but bones!
To think he was your
neighbor.
Look what you've
done to me!
Help, help, help!
Save me!
Ahh!
Uh-oh.
Boys and girls,
this is not a drill.
We must evacuate the building
immediately.
No running, single-file,
and if you see flames,
walk a little faster
But don't run.
All right,
this is not a drill.
I repeat, this is not a drill.
Follow the hand!
Respect the hand!
Buddy up, buddy up!
Principal Hampton?
This is not a scheduled drill.
I suggest we get out
of the building.
Better not be another
student shenanigan.
I am not in the mood.
You make it sound like you
wish it was a real fire
with real flames.
Like I said, Mrs. Miller,
I am not about to tolerate
another prank...
especially from your son.
Let's go.
Ow! Get off my foot!
Don't think I didn't see that!
I saw that!
What to do, what to do,
What to do.
We could forget the whole
thing.
Forget the whole thing?
It was a suggestion.
Uh, you seemed unsure
so I offered something,
admittedly not my best.
Mrs. Miller...
your child's infractions
not only consumes much of
my time and energy, but
are now beginning to endanger
the student body.
Well, with all due respect,
besides today, what has he done?
I mean, maybe one or two small
little incidents.
The Miller file.
Wow. Are you sure that
that's all his?
Looks like they nailed you
on this one, huh?
I plan on admitting to
nothing.
Yeah.
Listen, you're completely
covered in grape goop,
so that might kind of, uh,
tie you to the scene there.
Circumstantial.
Know what, Thomas?
You seem like an okay kid.
I'll tell you what.
You still wanna get away
with it?
I'll trade shirts with you.
No, that's okay.
No, I'm serious,
I will do this for you.
Thanks anyway.
So, I know your mom
works for Hampton,
So she's obviously in there.
That must stink.
What must stink?
Mmm, having your mom
work for the man.
Mmm, it causes a few annoying
complications, that's for sure.
Is your dad in there, too?
Actually, he's touring with
Ryan Sheckler.
So, how was that?
Dude! That was awesome!
All right, cool, man.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
That was sweet.
See, I don't tell a lot
of people.
That your dad is
Ryan Sheckler's personal coach?
Buddy, I would tell the world.
So the boy tells exaggerated
stories, big deal.
Mrs. Miller, when is a story
an exaggeration of the truth
and when is that story
a bald-faced lie?
I don't know.
I do.
Last year your son Thomas told
a group of students that
an anaconda snake had escaped
the reptile pavilion at the zoo
and found a new home
in the school's toilets.
The children were
so frightened they refrained
from using the facilities
for over a week.
That's an exaggeration
of the truth?
No, a lie.
The boy tells lies.
He's a liar.
A liar.
Principal Hampton,
if you want me to hand in my
resignation, if that's what
you're angling for, well then,
I will leave and I will take
Thomas with me, okay?
Fine, you win.
Principal Hampton, I could
fill in in the interim.
Principal Hampton, would you
like some coffee, sir?
No.
Claire...
you stay.
Thomas stays.
But if Thomas wants to attend
Friday's dance and meet
the President's daughter,
let's see if we can find a way
to start to have Thomas
discover the truths in life.
I'll accept that.
It's fair.
Right now he's on probation.
The next occurrence will result
in quick and final termination.
We had an agreement!
We agreed that you would stop
lying and I would stop yelling.
You're yelling.
Yeah, well, uh, how am I
supposed to keep up my end
of the bargain when you don't
keep up yours?
Thomas!
Thomas...
don't, Honey.
This is really hard.
Harder than it needs to be.
It's hard being mom
and dad, huh?
You know, honey, what we're
going through as a family,
this separation,
no one said it would be easy,
but...
honey, we can't use it
as an excuse for our behavior.
Both of us,
Your lying and my yelling.
Think you could stop?
I could try.
You?
I'll do my best.
Deal.
Hug on it.
I love you.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going over to Jackie's.
Oh, no you don't, mister.
You are grounded, and you are
not to leave this house
under any circumstances.
Thomas?
Thomas.
What's up, Hoffman?
I'm so bored.
My dad and brothers are all
wrapped up in some lame game
on TV.
My mom-oh, that's right,
I don't have a mom.
Hey, wanna hang?
I've been sentenced.
I believe the judge's exact
words were...
"you're not to leave this house
under any circumstance. "
See you in a few.
But I can't leave the house!
No worries.
Do you ever
feel alone?
I'd say up until five years
ago, yeah.
What happened five years ago?
I met you, doofus.
Right.
Thomas...
do you ever feel like
life's random
or just predetermined?
Jackie, I have no clue.
Like no matter what effort
we make to be accepted,
we'll still just end up
on the roof, feeling like
a couple of losers?
Yeah, you know, the whole
popularity thing never made
much sense to me.
I mean, what makes a kid popular
in the first place?
Asking the wrong person.
I'll tell you what I think
makes a kid popular.
It's as simple as hanging out
with other popular kids.
Yeah, except at the end of
the day, there still has to be
one kid that's popular
all by himself...
one kid that everyone else
looks up to and wants to call
their friend.
I would do anything to be
that kid.
I know you would.
Half the time, I don't really
understand what I'm feeling
inside, but...
I don't know, just...
being up here with you and...
the dark sky lit up
with the stars and the moon,
it just seems...
kinda nice, maybe a little
romantic or something,
I don't know.
Yeah.
If I had Madison Kramer up here,
she'd be making out with me.
You just-you just don't
get it, do you?
What?
What'd I do?
You're up here with me
and you're talking about
another girl.
Another girl, who, by the way,
doesn't have any interest
in you whatsoever.
Ouch.
We have to do something.
About what?
Just close your eyes.
No.
Close your eyes or I'll
throw you off this roof and
I am talking on the driveway,
not the grass.
Now I'm spooked.
For the first time,
so am I.
I should probably go now.
No, it's your roof.
I'll go.
# too many nights
I lie alone #
# wishing that you were
on the phone #
# so I could tell you things
I never shared with anyone #
# I never felt like this
before #
# wishing, and hoping,
wanting more #
# and now my wits are lost #
# and you have conquered
all my thoughts #
# so much for thinking that
I'd never fall in love #
# you're the only one
I'm dreaming of #
# with one look in your eyes #
# nothing I can do #
# I've fallen for you #
# oh, baby #
# I've fallen for you #
# you know, together we'd be
so amazing, you'll see #
# just let me into your heart #
# you and me #
# with one look in your eyes
and one taste of your kiss #
# and suddenly I knew
I'd fallen for you #
# there's nothing I can say,
nothing I can do #
# I've fallen for you #
My seat.
Bickleman's in my seat.
Sorry, Thomas.
No, Bickleman, this is
your seat.
Sorry, Jackie.
Mr. Miller, you have 45
minutes to write the following
1,000 times.
"I will tell no more lies. "
Say it for me.
It seems like a rather
old-fashioned punishment.
I'm an old-fashioned gal.
Now say it for me.
I will tell no more lies.
Excellent.
Now write it.
I will return shortly.
I have a hair appointment.
With the beekeeper?
# to be a macho, macho man #
# to have the kind of body
always in demand #
# jogging in the mornings
go, man, go #
# workouts in the health spa,
muscles glow #
# you can best believe that
he's a macho man #
# ready to get down with
anyone he can #
# hey! Hey!
hey, hey, hey! #
# macho, macho man #
# macho man #
# I've got to be a macho man #
# I've got to be a #
# macho, macho man, yeah #
# I've got to be a macho #
# oh! #
# macho, macho man, yeah #
# I've got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# hey, hey #
# I've got to be a macho #
That's a lot of work
for one man.
Yeah, I suppose.
But...
I'm sure there are people who
wish they had some work to do,
Huh?
Well, I'm sure whoever made
this mess would, uh, come
and apologize if he were here.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Uh, I'm Albert.
Thomas Miller.
Ah, well then I accept.
Accept what?
Your apology.
You know, uh, Thomas Miller,
he left his library card here.
And isn't it funny that
this Thomas Miller
looks exactly like the one
who's standing right here?
Weird, huh?
Busted.
Yeah, busted.
Oh, before I forget,
Mrs. Bleckner, she asked me
to check on you,
see if you, uh, completed
your punishment.
1,000 times.
1,000?
Wow.
Wow, this looks more like 2,000.
Yeah, well, I wanted to show
her how much I've changed.
Thomas, I'm gonna give you
one more chance.
I'm sorry?
Last chance to explain
the stench of toner all over
these papers.
Guilty, sir.
Now, how does it feel
to tell the truth?
Weird.
Hey, you're not gonna tell
On me, are you?
'Cause I'm on a real short
"one more strike and you're out"
leash.
Nah, man, this'll be our
little secret.
You've got some major cools
for an adult.
I hope for your sake your
parents have some major cools,
too.
Well, actually, you might
know my mom.
Principal Hampton's assistant,
Claire Miller.
Yeah, yeah,
She's a nice lady.
And, uh, and what about
your father?
I don't really have to worry
about my dad.
He's actually away a lot.
All right, listen up,
gentlemen. We're playing in
front of a hostile crowd today.
If we're gonna win this thing,
we're gonna have to play
mistake-free football, and I
think we all know what that is,
all right?
And I'm looking at you,
John Vilma, to lead us to
victory, all right?
I'm counting on you, buddy.
We're all counting on you.
We're gonna fo-
hold on, coach.
Can I Blitz?
Not today, no blitzing today.
Thank you, though.
Now listen, here's what we're
gonna do. We're gonna go out
there and we're gonna play
the best game we've ever played,
all right? Now, if they
come back with that pass-
coach?
Why you're not gonna let me
blitz?
We're not gonna Blitz today,
Okay? Today John won't be
blitzing, all right?
We're gonna go with my plan,
All right?
Here's what we're doing.
John is gonna Blitz.
Thanks, coach.
Hey, look at that,
there's a gift for ya.
All right, let's get it in here
right now, let's go, guys.
Who are we?
Jets!
Who are we?
Jets!
Let's go!
Wow.
Your father is the coach
of the New York Jets?
Yeah. Sometimes he even
lets me design some of
the defense packages.
And me, just a janitor.
Well, like I said, it beats
not having a job, huh?
I'll try and remember that.
Oh, Thomas Miller.
Keep it real, huh?
Yeah.
Joe Namath?
Mine, Chapman.
A signed ball from Joe Namath
must be worth a few dollars.
Ever since I've been in this
school, you've taken everything
that belongs to me.
I've taken nothing of yours.
It hardly seems fair.
So?
So give me back my ball.
This one?
Come on, my dad gave that
to me.
Dad?
Which dad?
The skateboarding dad?
Or dad the Jets coach?
Or government dad?
Which one, Miller?
Which one of your fabulous dads
gave this to you?
You want this?
You want this so bad?
Well, go get it.
Hey.
Yeah, the cover here
at the school is perfect.
No one suspects a thing.
I'll get her at the dance.
Believe me, they'll pay all
the money in the world to get
her back in one piece.
We'll talk later.
Jackie, are you there?
Jackie, come on,
I need to talk to you!
I was down in the gym basement
and I overheard some guy
talking about getting some girl
and how they'd pay all the
money in the world to get her
back in one piece, and he's
gonna do it at the dance!
Please, Jackie, you gotta
Answer me!
Hoffman, this is serious!
Are you there?
Excuse me,
Pardon me, excuse me.
We need to talk.
Which would be fine,
except for the fact that
we're not talking.
Jackie, this is really,
really important.
Implying my feelings
were not.
Quiet, class.
I have a very important
announcement to share with you
this morning.
Jackie, this is really
important.
Mr. Miller, take your seat.
As you know, our honor students
entered a national essay
competition.
Well, with great pleasure,
I can tell you our very own
Madison Kramer placed first
with her composition titled,
"Saving the World One Minute
At a Time. "
Thank you.
And I really believe
it could be done!
If we just break our lives down
into little sixty-second
intervals-
Thank you, Madison.
Now as a reward, our school
has been selected for a visit
by a very special guest.
I've known about this for days,
but couldn't tell anyone
for security purposes.
Tonight our fall dance will be
graced with an appearance
by the daughter of the President
of the United States of America,
Christina Adams.
That's right-
I'll get her at
the dance. Believe me,
they'll pay all the money
in the world to get her back
in one piece.
Oh, my gosh.
Mr. Miller, go directly
to the-
the Principal's office.
Down the hall, to the left,
past the library.
That's where I'm heading.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Thomas.
Sir, the President's
daughter's in serious danger!
Is this another little prank,
Miller boy?
No, sir.
I overheard him talking
on his phone.
I'll type up my resignation.
No, that won't be necessary,
Mrs. Miller.
Thomas, after all we've gone
through, I trust you're wise
enough to know the serious
consequences you may face
in the wake of such
a heinous lie.
And therefore, I'm inclined to
believe you.
Awesome!
Mrs. Miller?
Sir?
Meet me by the bear, please.
Call this man immediately.
Dr. Nussbaum?
A gifted child psychologist,
specializes in delusional
behavior.
You think my son is
delusional?
A little, yes.
After Dr. Nussbaum gives his
diagnosis, he'll recommend
an appropriate school.
But you can stay.
You're very good.
First of all, Thomas is
right here in the room.
Thomas also has very good
hearing, and the only thing
delusional about Thomas
is him thinking he could
trust you with the truth,
Principal Hampton.
Ironic...
you're a principal,
but yet, you have no principles.
Psst!
Mr. Randall.
Can we talk?
Sure.
What's going on?
It's an old story, and I
really should know what to do
Because it's such an old story.
Lemme guess.
Is this the one where someone
knows something that nobody else
knows, and that someone
isn't sure if they should tell
someone or not?
You're good.
So?
What's the person know?
Well, let's just say it's-
it's a matter of life
and death!
How'd you know?
Well, like you said,
it's such an old story.
Look, someone's in danger.
Real, real danger.
Hold that thought, Thomas.
Hello?
Yeah.
Great.
Well, that's what I'm here for.
Look, I'm gonna have to
call you back.
What were you saying about
someone being in danger?
What? I-I didn't say that.
Why would I say that?
I- I would never say that.
Thomas?
See ya!
You supposed to be in here?
Where's Albert?
Albert?
The other janitor.
The cool one.
Oh, Friday.
Albert has Friday off.
When will he be back?
Monday.
Oh, of course, Monday.
Thank you.
Albert, you are here.
Great.
of course I'm here.
What's going on, little man?
So, would you say what we
have is a solid friendship?
What we-we only met once.
Well, after one meeting,
can you see where this is
gonna go?
Like, BFF?
BFF? Come again?
Best Friends Forever.
All right, that's cool.
Gimme some love, little man.
Yeah, yeah.
So, uh, BFF.
What do we do now?
We talk.
And I believe I can share
anything and everything
with you.
You know what?
I wouldn't have it any other
way.
Me too, so here it is.
Somebody's planning to kidnap
The President's daughter
right here at our dance.
Come on, Thomas.
Do you realize what you're
saying?
Yeah, I do.
All right, well,
tell me what you know.
Well, that's all I know.
Bus is leaving.
Gotta fly!
Hey, wait!
We all know
the magnitude of tonight,
an event unlike anything
that has ever been held
in our school.
Your mission comes down to this.
Keep order, keep your children
safe, and I can't stress this
enough...
Keep the President's daughter
even safer.
No pressure.
Enjoy your night.
Thank you.
Mrs. Miller?
Could you stay behind, please?
Sir?
Mr. Bailey and I have spoken
at length and feel perhaps
it's best if Thomas stayed away
from tonight's festivities.
I'm afraid that's not
an option.
You know what the stakes are,
Miller.
Miller?
Mrs. Miller, there's going
to be a lot of news coverage.
I just want everything to come
off rosy and peachy.
Let's face it,
Principal Hampton.
What you're really concerned
about is that you come off
rosy and peachy.
Mrs. Miller, Thomas will not
be attending tonight's dance,
and there is no choice
in the matter.
You going to answer
the phone?
Sir, are you going to answer
that?
Sir?
Mom, you've got to believe
me. The President's daughter's
really gonna be abducted.
It's not a story.
I'm telling the truth.
These stories are a way
for you to get attention
and-and just so you don't have
to feel all alone, right?
But you need to know that
you're not alone.
I'm here, and your daddy's
out there waiting for you
to reach out to him, okay?
Westpark
Middle School and our tiny town
will never be the same again as
First Daughter Christina Adams
will spend 33 minutes with us.
Standing next to me is
Madison Kramer, our honors
student and essayist.
So Madison, what inspired your
award-winning essay?
Well, I really believe that
we can focus on everything but
the here and now.
See, if we just slow our lives
down and live it one minute at
a time-
Thank you, Madison.
We're out of time.
You expecting someone?
I'm not exactly the most
popular person, so that'd be a
big honking no.
And it's not unusual for any
member of the first family to
travel with upwards of ten
undercover security personnel.
She's gonna need every single
one of them.
Thomas, come in here please.
What'd I do now?
You forgot your book bag at
school.
Sorry.
Luckily, someone was nice
enough to bring it for you.
Hey, Thomas.
Buddy.
Mr. Randall, you don't-you
don't have to be here.
Really, you don't.
After our little
conversation, I knew you had
something on your mind.
No wonder you left this behind.
Thank you, sir.
You can turn yourself in now.
Excuse me?
I meant you can turn around
and go now.
Thank you.
Thomas!
I am so sorry for his rudeness.
Would you like something cold to
drink?
Yeah, sure.
You seem a little jumpy,
Thomas.
And you don't seem thirsty,
so why are you still here?
All right, you got me.
I'm not really thirsty.
Truth is, I wanted to be alone
with you.
You're the bad guy, aren't
you?
If wanting to ask you some
questions makes me a bad guy,
then yeah.
Look, forget our talk.
I know nothing.
Up here, empty.
Nothing but storage space.
Have you been to Principal
Hampton's office lately?
Now that's an unfair
question.
I'm always in Principal
Hampton's office.
And have you noticed anything
unusual, anything out of the
ordinary?
...Prepares for Christina's
arrival, one thing is clear-
security will be front and
center.
But in this day and age, what-
here you go, cold drinks.
Thank you.
Thomas?
No thanks.
I'm not the type to pretend I'm
thirsty.
I'm all about the truth, and
I'll find it.
Thomas.
Just remember, things aren't
always as they appear.
Mom, be careful.
Very, very careful.
Fido, come on.
Yo, dog, how do I look?
It was nice talking with you.
Yeah, you too.
I gotta head home and shower.
Somehow, I got roped into
chaperoning tonight.
Whatever you do, don't bark,
'cause everyone knows I don't
bark, and if you bark and she
comes in, she'll know.
All right.
You know, Thomas really isn't
a bad boy.
Yeah, I know.
Just do me a favor and keep him
in his room-for his own sake.
Trust me, you won't be seeing
Thomas anytime soon.
Good.
Hello.
Do things ever go as planned?
Yeah, because we're dealing with
kids, and inevitably, when
you're dealing with kids, things
don't go as planned.
Frank? Frank, are you there?
Frank?
We have a situation.
Tom Miller, he knows something.
What is it, boy?
Sit. Stay.
Don't eat me.
Ahh!
Thomas, honey...
I just wanted to say I'm
sorry for everything that's been
going on lately.
Oh! Ah!
Kip.
What's going on, Claire?
I need your help.
Yeah, I got your message.
Is everything all right with
Thomas?
Well, Thomas is going through
a hard time with us, and he's
not dealing with it very well.
He's exaggerating, and his
school wants him at home, and I
think he's somewhere around
here and we have to find him.
Look, you think he's ready to
talk to me or not?
He's 12! We're his parents!
and whether or not we're
together, we have to do whatever
it takes to get him wherever he
needs to go.
That's home, okay?
Okay, I got it.
Whoa, Miller's dad's a
trash man.
No wonder he makes up stories.
Hoffman.
Jackie!
Listen, someone's gonna try and
hurt the President's daughter.
I think I know who it is-
Randall, the new guy.
You've gotta believe me!
Why should I?
You're my best friend, Jackie.
You always tell your best friend
the truth.
So why Madison Kramer, huh?
Best friend?
Why are you obsessed with this
random girl who you know nothing
about?
I kinda like the way she-
how she talks.
Is that it, Thomas?
Do you like the way I speak?
Jackie!
Do you find me charming,
Thomas?
Do you?
Jackie, stop it!
Look, I have no idea why Madison
Kramer.
The only thing I can think of
is, maybe it is predetermined.
Yeah.
And one more thing-
I just wanna say sorry for every
time I've hurt you, and I wanna
say sorry in advance for every
time I might hurt you.
You plan on hurting me again?
I would never plan on it.
Yeah.
So say this whole President's
daughter thing is true-
what now?
I go to the dance and I save
a life.
And what do you want from me?
Jackie, you're the one person
in the world that I know always
has my back.
The one person who knows
you're telling the truth.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Nice look, Hoffman.
Really?
Yeah.
Thanks.
So how does one go about
saving one's life when no one
really believes you?
I have no idea.
No weapons, special gadgets,
secret powers, no ideas-
this could be quite a challenge.
I like challenges.
Next.
Sorry Miller, you're not on
the list.
What list?
There's no list.
This is a school dance, not a
night club.
Miller, it's not gonna
happen.
Understand this, Mr. Miller-
you are to leave the premises
immediately.
Both of you.
Scram.
What's going on, Miller?
Who's your friend?
Hey, maybe he'd like to play
football for us this fall.
Comedy never stops with you,
Chapman.
Hey, what you doing, Safchik?
Tossing my wrapper, what's it
Look like?
Just toss it anywhere.
Miller's dad will get to it.
Right, Miller?
Won't your dad, the trash man,
just pick it up for us?
Who said my dad's a trash
man, jerk?
What'd you call me?
Jerk. That's what I called
you, a jerk.
And what're you gonna do about
it?
What am I gonna do?
That was the question.
What am I gonna do?
I keep asking you because
you'll never tell me.
I- I'll do something!
But I don't have to tell you.
Is that what you're gonna do,
huh, tough guy?
You are so dead!
Ahh!
Just another piece of trash
for his dad to pick up.
What's going on out
there?
Thomas Miller, are you all
right?
I think his arm's broken or
something.
Okay, I'm only gonna take a
look.
Lemme take a look.
Ahh!
I don't think it's broken,
but we're gonna get you to the
nurse's office-get some ice on
it, let her take a closer look.
Come on.
That should help.
Albert, I'm gonna tell you
one more time what's going on
tonight.
Maybe if it comes from you,
people will believe.
All right.
What, Thomas?
What's going on tonight?
The President's daughter is
in serious danger.
You mentioned that earlier
today.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's here in the
nurse's office.
Jackie, we need to get out of
here.
I know.
Wait a minute.
Please don't take this
personally, but we need to get
outta here.
You're not going anywhere,
Thomas.
We can't have you running
around, telling a bunch of
foolish stories.
But that's all they are, right?
Right, stories.
Just a bunch of stories.
You know more.
I know you know more.
Maybe I do know more, Frank.
Okay, now that some of the
truth is starting to come out,
it is extremely important that
you tell me exactly what you
know about our visitor tonight.
All right, here's the truth
as I see it.
I know about your plan to
kidnap the President's daughter,
and I know that one thing's for
sure-I'm gonna stop you.
Whoa!
Go, come on!
Thomas!
You hate it when that
happens, don't you?
Thomas, Jackie!
Come on.
Over there, Jackie.
Come on, we gotta keep moving.
Follow me.
This is gonna make some
fantastic story.
Who would I tell?
I mean, who's gonna actually
believe Thomas Miller?
It all depends on how it
ends.
Yeah.
I wonder how it actually will
end.
Miller!
Ahh!
I'll tell you how it ends,
Miller-it ends bad for you.
Sorry, Miller.
Wrong hand.
Come on.
Let go of us!
Let go of me!
Get in.
Come on, Miller, come back here.
Let go of me!
We tried to tell you, and you
wouldn't listen.
Open that door, Miller.
Get in there.
That oughta hold you for a
little while.
I can't believe I didn't
think you were in on it, Bailey.
I mean, isn't it always the guy
with a fake hand?
You give me too much credit,
Miller.
I'm just following orders.
Blame it on me, Miller boy.
Hampton.
The evil principal.
Of course.
I told your mother to keep
you away tonight, but no-
here you are.
I, however, refuse to let you
pull focus from what tonight is
all about.
And what is tonight all
about?
That remains to be seen,
but one thing's for sure-
it's not about Thomas Miller.
Sir.
Keep the Miller boy and his
little lady friend locked up
and away from me and the
President's daughter.
My pleasure, sir.
You're all mine, Mildred.
Settle-settle-
people!
Settle-people!
Settle.
Students, parents, faculty,
thank you all for your hard work
in putting together tonight's
event.
It sure beats your lackluster
effort in last month's sad, sad
cookie dough drive.
And now, join me in welcoming
America's favorite daughter,
Christina Adams.
Who are you?
Principal Hampton.
I run this school.
It's all right.
I'll need to see some I.D.
Drake, you've gotta help us.
You have no idea what's going
down.
Hampton, Bailey and Randall,
The new teacher, they're all in
on it.
They're about to execute a
kidnapping of Christina.
Oh, okay.
He's telling the truth,
Drake.
Listen to me, Bert and Ernie.
My job is to keep you two from
getting in the way of tonight,
and ain't nothing gonna stop me
from that.
Fine, do what you have to do.
Hopefully, he won't get too far
with her.
Won't get very far with who?
Not important.
Tell me, squid, tell me now.
The whole school knows that
Bickleman is hot for Madison.
Apparently tonight, he makes his
move.
Oh, yeah.
Bickleman?
Tuba-playing Bickleman?
He's a love machine.
Everyone knows in the band
world, chicks dig the tuba guy.
Definitely.
Bickleman!
"Chicks dig the tuba guy"?
Believe me, I don't know how
I come up with half this stuff.
We don't have much time.
There's our out.
Let's move.
You gotta be kidding me.
Got it.
Come on, Jackie.
Let's go.
Hey, the Principal said
you're watching the Miller boy.
Where is he?
I don't have to tell you.
What?
Storage room, gym basement.
Where's Bickleman?
Tuba player.
Who cares?
Sorry I dragged you into this
mess, Jackie.
Come on, Miller.
Everyone knows you don't leave
your best friend hanging.
This way.
Right down this way.
I told you I'd get him.
I got him.
Oh, great, and I had to wear
white.
Since when did you start to
care about that sort of thing?
Hey, I'm still a girl.
Right in here.
I got 'em trapped like two
little rats.
The kid's gone.
Oh, man!
They were right here.
How big of an idiot are you?
We must find Thomas Miller.
"We must find Thomas Miller"?
Look who's popular now.
Yeah, try upstairs.
They're probably upstairs.
I bet they're upstairs.
Oops.
Fire, fire!
Fire?
Fire!
Move!
What do we do now?
Jump!
What a rush.
We need to get to Christina
before-
before I do?
Is that the plan, kid?
Why must there always be one?
One who's never smart enough to
stay out of the way.
Why is that, I ask.
I guess if you stay out of
the way, you don't have much of
a story to tell.
Aren't you going to get that?
No, it's not mine.
You could never get away with
this.
This school is crawling with
cops and Secret Service,
and all we have to do is scream.
Scream really loud.
Okay, we're done screaming
now, sir.
That would be wise-
wise because the next sound you
make might be the last sound you
make.
Oh, that's mine.
Grissom.
Get the copter on the roof in
ten minutes.
No, we will get away with this.
And I gotta say, I'm pretty
impressed with me.
Please don't hurt us,
whatever you do!
Get off me.
Spare us!
Sit down!
Get on the ground.
Here's what's gonna happen-
you two are gonna sit here
and you're gonna count to 7,430.
Then when you're done, then you
can move.
It's gonna be fun.
Now start counting.
One,
two, three...
Thomas, is it okay to be scared?
Yeah, Jackie.
It's okay to be scared.
Remember, following the
dance, there'll be a photo
opportunity with myself and the
President's daughter.
Swim, Bickleman,
swim.
On behalf of all the students
here at Westpark Middle School,
I'd like to welcome you and say
thank you for visiting our
little school where, until now,
it seems like nothing exciting
ever happens.
And I'd like to thank you for
writing such a wonderful essay.
Thank you.
And it is so true-
if we just break our lives down
into little bitty 60-second
intervals, then-
Thank you, Madison.
I'd like to say what a
pleasure it is to represent the
White House in sharing your fall
dance.
Westpark Middle School rocks!
Oww! Oww!
Thomas!
Who put you in here?
I don't know what I should
and shouldn't say,
because I really don't know
who's good and who's bad.
Miller!
Miller, you're coming with
me, Miller.
No, I don't think so.
He stays.
See? Exactly.
I don't know who's good and
who's bad.
Frank Marquee, Secret
Service.
Whoa, Secret Service?
You really are a good guy.
Thomas, whenever the
President or one of the first
family make an appearance, we go
undercover.
Usually, nothing happens.
I should've believed you,
Thomas.
I guess I don't have much
credibility, huh.
Yeah, you do have quite a
reputation.
You found 'em.
Yeah.
You're with Secret Service
too?
Uh huh.
Sure beats mopping floors.
Thomas, it's not what you do
that defines you, it's who you
are.
You should remember that.
Al, I woulda called you, but
I can't find my cell phone.
Thought I left it in here.
Well, we gotta find this guy.
Wait, the bad guy-
I think I know how I can find
him.
Come on, follow me.
We don't have much time.
Thomas Miller.
Hello, hello,
I'm in here.
All right, see him anywhere?
No.
Keep an eye out.
If you see him, give me a
signal.
Got it.
And that concludes our 33
minutes with Christina Adams.
Yeah, what a great essay
you wrote.
This dance was awesome.
Gotcha.
Bleckner's got a g*n!
Move, move, move!
We need everybody out of the
gymnasium.
Clear the building.
Mom!
Thomas, be careful!
Move back!
Everybody back,
or I'll have no choice but to do
something that wouldn't be very
nice!
Get off of me!
Get up!
Get back to the school right
now!
Thomas!
You're not gonna get away
with this.
Grissom, the name is Malcolm
J. Grissom.
And yes, I most certainly will
get away with this.
Come on.
Keep moving, keep moving!
Grissom,
Let her go.
You're gonna be better off if
you do.
Not gonna happen.
Help me.
Why, huh?
Why you doing this?
My dream was always to be
Secret Service,
protecting the President
and his family.
I must have applied over 20
times for a job with you guys.
I never made it past the
psychological profiling.
Big surprise.
But if I can't work for you,
I'll work just fine against you.
What are your demands?
'Scuse me?
You must have a list of
demands for Christina's safe
release.
What are they?
Oh, yeah, demands.
No, I've got 'em.
But I don't really have to tell
you.
Let's go.
Ahh!
Christina!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let go of me!
Where do you think you're
going?
Where do you think?
To save Christina.
Look, Thomas, you've done
more than enough, and we thank
you, but let the professionals
take it from here, okay?
Let's go, kid.
Come on.
Ahh! Somebody help!
Yes, somebody
help, help!
See, no one's coming.
Are you all right?
Why don't you start worrying
about Christina instead of me?
We got the kid out.
I'm on my way to the roof.
Where are you going?
I need to get inside.
Christina needs my help.
Lockdown mode, no one in or
out.
Thanks.
Hey!
Ahh!
You'll never get away with this!
Somebody will save me.
You'll see.
You're an optimistic little
girl, aren't you?
Excuse me,
oh,
you-
have you seen Thomas anywhere?
Sir, we've got a new problem.
The redhead's making his way up
the roof.
All right, Serrano, Malloy,
you're with me.
Let's go.
Thomas!
Thomas, stop.
It's too dangerous.
Not gonna happen.
Christina needs me.
Turk, we're almost out the
roof.
Land that chopper now.
All right, I'm going up.
What's going on?
Some psycho tried to kidnap
the President's daughter.
Thomas!
You gotta calm down.
These guys know what they're
doing.
But does Thomas know?
What are you talking about?
Look, Kip!
Are you kidding me?
Thomas!
Thomas!
What's he doing?
Thomas, stop.
I can't, sir, I'm on a roll.
I need to do this!
Thomas, enough.
You're gonna get yourself hurt.
Must save Christina!
Ahh!
Oh!
Oops, sorry.
"Oops, sorry. "
Your flight's ready for
boarding.
Here's your new friend,
Mr. g*n.
You be nice to him,
and he'll be nice to you.
Sound fair?
Uh huh.
Let's go.
Who are you?
Thomas Miller.
I'm here to save you.
Great.
That's your kid, Miller.
Come on.
Hold your fire, hold your
fire.
We got kids up there.
stay close.
You don't wanna make your new
best buddy angry, do you?
You know, I have school
tomorrow.
Uh huh. Get in.
You too, Presidential
Princess.
Come on, turk.
Let's move now.
Come on, let's go.
It's gonna be okay.
Come on, turk, let's get this
thing in the air.
Albert!
Everyone wants to be a hero.
Christina's in the
helicopter.
Oh, my gosh!
Mildred?!
Dad!
Dad, up here!
Dad!
Thomas!
Dad, save us!
Hang on!
Go, Thomas, go!
Oh, yeah.
Dad!
Thomas!
Hang on, buddy.
I want you to jump, buddy.
You can do this.
You got it.
What do we do?
We jump.
Thomas!
Thomas!
Come on, buddy.
Come on, buddy, you got it.
I promise you.
Take my hand.
I promise nothing bad will
happen to you.
I believe you.
You can do this, Christina.
Thomas!
I got ya!
On three.
One,
two,
three!
Jump!
Yeah!
You really did come to save
my life.
Apparently.
This flight is grounded.
I owe you a headache.
Thomas Miller has always been
one of my favorites.
I've always enjoyed his
patriotic and amusing
shenanigans, wouldn't you say,
Mr. Bailey?
Love the Miller kid,
love the Miller kid.
Mom!
I love you so much.
I love you too, Mom.
I'm sorry for doubting you,
Thomas.
I'm so sorry.
You were a real hero out
there, Thomas.
Nicely done.
Thank you very much.
Oh, no, thank you very much.
Hey, atta boy, Thomas.
You were on fire.
My little man.
Gimme some love.
I couldn't have done it
without someone's help.
Mr. Randall, Albert, I want you
to meet one really amazing man,
My dad.
Dad!
Hey, how you doing?
Everybody,
This is my dad.
Hey, how are you?
You were right, Albert.
It's not what you do that
Defines you, it's who you are.
You got that right.
Hey, Thomas.
Good job.
Hey.
Awesome performance.
Thanks.
That's 'cause you had my back,
Hoffman.
Always.
So, wanna go get some
ice cream?
Hi, Thomas.
Hi.
I was wondering if you could
walk me home, Thomas.
Umm, actually, I came with
Jackie, and-
he'd love to.
Wait, what?
What are you doing?
Your night's far from over.
You saved a life-
what about the girl?
You still have to get the girl.
But I came with you.
# somebody send me an Angel #
Hi, again.
# send me down someone
I could love #
# you're the one that I need to
love #
# I closed my eyes and you found
me #
# you're the one that I've been
dreaming of #
# I thank heaven up above #
# somebody sent me an Angel #
# never gonna fly away #
# say you'll never fly away #
# say you'll never go #
# I was just waiting #
# praying #
# for a little bit of heaven #
# I thank heaven above #
# somebody sent me an Angel #
Hey.
So where's Madison?
I dropped her off at home.
Great.
She told me that there was
another dance tomorrow, and-
You came to tell me that
You're going to take her?
No. Actually, if it's not too
late, I was wondering if you'd
like to go with me.
I don't get it.
What about the girl?
She's right here.
# Angel #
Maybe I'll even wear a dress.
# somebody sent me an Angel #
And now, it gives me great
pleasure to introduce our very
special guests,
honoring our great hero,
Thomas Miller...
Huckapoo.
# baby, wanna be my baby #
# baby, such a thrill my baby #
# baby, wanna kiss my baby #
# baby, what I wish my baby #
# baby, check it out my baby #
# baby, don't you tell me baby #
# baby, talking 'bout my baby #
# baby, checking out my baby #
# every man wants to be a mach,
macho man #
# to be the kind of hot guy
always in demand #
# running, swimming, lifting #
# go, man, go #
# how does he ever do it #
# I don't know #
# you can best believe that
he's a macho man #
# ready to go dancing #
# any time he can #
# hey, hey, hey #
# let's do it #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# m-a-c-h-o, macho man #
Come on!
# m-a-c-h-o, macho man #
Louder!
# m-a-c-h-o, macho man #
Last time!
# m-a-c-h-o, macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
He's so hot.
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
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Spy School (2008)
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