[birds cawing]
[carnival music playing]
[people chattering indistinctly]
I can't believe I won.
I've never won anything. Ever.
Got a good eye.
No, that doesn't make any sense.
Nobody in my family
has good eyes.
We have good hair, good
teeth, but terrible eyes.
So you were raised by
a pack of myopic wolves.
You know what, though?
This is a sign.
I mean, I won this,
so why can't I win
-this year's Stand Up Showdown?
-If you expect to even qualify
for this year's
Stand Up Showdown,
you're gonna have to deal with
your issues with hecklers.
That was the old me.
Now I'm a winner.
Really? Care to prove it?
-Where? Here?
-Yes.
This is the perfect challenge.
And it is the purest
form of your art.
Don't you think?
You know what I mean?
It's like you and
an audience of one.
One single guaranteed heckler.
-Plus, you love clowns.
-Yeah.
All the world loves a clown.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
-How is everybody doing tonight?
-Whoo!
How many folks out there
in the audience
have ever been
attacked by a shark?
Somebody call security.
The fat lady's making a break.
[Dodo chuckles]
Uh, well, I actually have been
attacked by a shark.
A, uh... A hammerhead shark.
What, are you doing stand-up?
You stink! Loser!
Pfft! [laughs]
Nice hairdon't, chubby.
What do they call that thing?
The lunatic fringe? [laughs]
Oh, let me guess
your weight. Over.
[laughing]
Oh, bring it on, missy.
I should've known you'd
chuck it like a chick.
Ha! Ah, game over.
That's on the list, Dodo.
Francis, put down the ball.
That's on the list.
Okay. You win.
That's twice in a day.
What did I win? I don't
feel like I won anything.
Yeah. What's he won?
What's the list?
-He's got a list.
-Yeah, it's, uh...
It's my list of forbidden jokes.
They're not funny, they're
just kind of familiar.
That's why they need
to be retired,
ahem, from the canon, so...
First it's a list,
now it's a canon.
"Chuck it like a chick"?
What is that,
a variation of
"throws like a girl"?
What does that even mean?
That he throws like 3.5 billion
other people on the planet?
Is that a Dodo original?
Did you write that one?
It's not even funny.
Just you've heard it
a million times,
so you think that it is.
I mean, really,
you can't be doing
other people's material, Dodo.
Not if you expect to be,
you know, authentic.
Oh, Augie, did you hear that?
[chuckling] He used
the "A" word, "authentic."
[laughing]
I got a little list
of my own, pal.
It's a list of postmodern,
pretentious morons
trying to be
sincere and genuine.
Let me guess.
You're trying to live
a life free of irony.
No, that's not me.
I'm not doing that.
Actually, that's exactly
what you're doing.
Almost word for word.
Remember, you said it at--?
Guess what, halfwit.
It doesn't work.
You think the unexamined
life isn't worth living?
Oh, wait till you've
examined it. [chuckles]
You'll know it isn't.
The minute you start to think
you're being real, you're not.
[laughs]
You'll have to forgive me, Dodo.
You know, don't think that
you're exactly qualified
to tell anybody about
being authentic.
-Qualified?
-Yeah.
I get a lot of
thinking done up here.
And I've been having a
couple thoughts about you.
You've got some
simple yet noble job
that allows you to
fritter away the days
coming up with
these grand ideas.
Your friends are a
menagerie of misfit toys
who couldn't get laid
at a homeschool prom.
But you kind of like it that way
because it makes you feel
just a little bit above it all.
And then there's
the pitiful parade
of genuinely
disappointing relationships
that always begin
with the same, "Honey,
can we promise to be completely
honest with each other?"
[Dodo laughing]
-But they never work.
-Let's go.
Now, that's it. Now you're
living in the moment, boys.
You want to feel authentic?
You gotta reach inside
your own precious heart
for that one real
chance to fall--
Yeah! Down goes Dodo. Down
goes Dodo. Kid's still got, huh?
-Buddy, that wasn't you, okay?
-You can't tell.
We were both throwing.
[Charlie] Who is he to tell
me about being authentic?
You know, I'm starting
to rethink clowns.
[Francis] Yeah. You should.
[mellow classical music playing]
[Maizy] Charlie,
Charlie, Charlie.
What did we promise each other?
We promised to be
completely honest.
And to be completely honest,
this isn't working.
It's not me, it's you.
You are passive.
You sit in that shop
and wait for life
to stroll through the door.
Whereas I am aggressive.
I go out and I grab
life by the throat.
And together, we are
passive aggressive,
but not the good kind.
Oh, you know, searching for
your true self is not a goal.
It's an excuse for being
an emotional dilettante.
Fearing intimacy and
avoiding commitment.
You know what's ironic?
You work in a bike shop...
[chuckles]
...and we've never taken
a bike ride together.
You know what people say to me?
They say to me, "Maizy,
you are the Rosetta Stone
of relationships."
Because I can figure anyone out,
but I cannot decipher you.
And I have tried.
I know what you're going to say.
You're going to say,
"Maizy, how does this end?"
And it ends like this.
Here.
And... now,
with me wishing you well.
I hope you find what
you're looking for.
If not with me,
then with someone else.
You need a haircut.
[scoffs]
Meeting adjourned.
[mellow music playing]
[customers chattering
indistinctly]
[Rhys] There she is.
-Hey.
-[Rhys] Hi. Oh... [kisses]
[Chloe chuckles softly]
[sighs]
[sighs deeply]
Chloe.
-So, what's the big news?
-Right, right, right.
-I'd like you to reconsider.
-[Chloe] Rhys...
I already told you no.
That's... That's why I gave it
back to you the first time.
You don't have to make
your mind up straightaway.
Just keep it and decide later.
A lot can change over a summer.
Especially a change of heart.
[scoffs]
We already decided
that this was over.
For good this time.
-You decided.
-Mm-hmm.
Let's give it one more try.
A year together in India.
Then we'll know for sure
if it was meant to be.
Don't we already know that?
Do we? I don't think we do.
[mellow music playing]
[sighs deeply]
[door bell jingles]
[mellow music continues playing]
[sighs]
You know, uh, you can go ahead.
I don't even know what I want.
Me neither. Although I always
end up getting the same thing.
You know what? I'll have
just a regular Joe and...
-whatever she wants.
-Oh.
Uh, I'll have the same thing.
-My lucky day.
-My lucky day.
[Charlie] Thanks.
-[Rodrigo] Joslyn.
-Nope.
-[Joslyn] Rodrigo.
-Nope.
-Joslyn.
-[Joslyn chuckles nervously]
Uh, in your e-mail, you said
that you would be
wearing sandals.
-They're in the wash.
-Okay.
You're Rodrigo?
[Rodrigo] Uh-huh.
Where's your sunglasses?
Table, my lady?
Sure. [chuckles]
[Chloe sighs, chuckles]
Well, thanks for the
coffee, Not Rodrigo.
[Charlie] Yeah. Nice
to meet you, Not Joslyn.
-[Chloe chuckles]
-So...
this is what you call
an athletic build?
-I'm a bowler, honey. All right?
-Hmm.
[Charlie] Maybe they'll
invite us to the wedding?
Oh, you gonna have the
steak or the chicken?
-Okay. That's pretty funny.
-[chuckles]
-Yeah.
-Bye.
Uh, yeah. Bye.
[shutter clicks]
[mellow music playing]
[door bell jingles]
[BB g*n fires]
[Francis] Huh?
-Huh?
-Yeah. Yeah.
[Francis chuckles] Yeah, yeah.
-Any messages?
-Yeah.
-Uh, Maizy, Maizy, Maizy.
-Yeah, Maizy's history.
Oh, and Ms. Van Der Jagt
did call and said
there was some photographer
coming by
who's gonna take pictures
of the store,
so we're supposed
to make it look nice.
Yes, I will clean that.
But first...
tonight is the first
round of qualifiers.
Come on, man, I thought we were
gonna bottle the beer tonight.
-It can't sit much longer.
-No can do, man.
This is my passion.
This is the curse that
I was blessed with, okay?
Plus, Yrral is going to
unveil his new act tonight.
-Who?
-Larry Moscatel.
Yrral, it's "Larry" backwards.
It's his magic name.
-"Yrral the Unreal."
-[door bell jingles]
[Francis] Birdsong's back
as his assistant.
Apparently, that guy she ran
off with from the boat show
-couldn't get up on one ski.
-[father] Don't touch anything.
[upbeat music playing]
[bike bell rings]
Hey, sunshine.
You here to buy your first bike?
Wow, that is awesome.
All right, hold on to those
handlebars so it's safe for you.
Can you put your feet
on the pedals for me?
-Do you like this one?
-[Crosley] Yeah.
You do? Me too.
Hang on one second.
I think she's got her heart
set on this one over here.
It's a classic
for a great price.
-Classic?
-[Charlie] Yeah.
What does that mean?
It means it comes
with an inherited nostalgia trip
that I don't want
to hang on her.
No, I want her to be the
author of her own narrative.
It's a bike.
[bell dings]
With a bell.
I kind of know what
I'm doing. Thanks.
Uh, you know,
we'll take this one.
Give it a once-over. My wife
will be back this afternoon
to pick it up.
It'll be good. All right.
Great.
Okay. Crosley. You ready?
-Watch your toes.
-[door bell dings]
Moscatel's doing magic now?
It's unreal.
He prefers if you call it
"the dark arts."
[Charlie] You know, I thought
he was gonna make his fortune
-by bringing back the ear cuff.
-Oh, uh, that reminds me.
I've settled on my new tattoo.
Man, I told you that bumper
sticker was a gateway drug.
But you had to tell the world
that you brake for beer.
Which led to that vanity plate.
What was that again?
Oh, yeah. IBRK4BR.
That was really good.
And now a tattoo? Come on.
Hey, look, I'm getting
a Mormon tribal arm sleeve.
Oh, really?
Hey, tell me, uh,
what Maori tribe
did the ancestors of Francis
Albert Stojcevski belong to?
Well, for your information,
a lot of guys down
at Giggolo's got them.
If there has ever been
a reason not to get one,
it's because a lot of guys
down at Giggolo's got 'em.
[phone rings]
Van Der Jagt's Bikes.
[honks]
-Yep.
-[door bell jingles]
[romantic music playing]
[Charlie] Um, 5:00 tonight,
and then, um, 6:00 on weekdays.
[rings]
[Charlie] Yeah.
Parking in the back.
Great. Yep. Cash or check.
Cool. All right. Thanks. Bye.
-[shutter clicks]
-[Charlie] Oh.
In your nice dress.
Are you crazy?
The light was perfect. I didn't
want to miss the moment.
-[Charlie] Oh.
-It'll come out.
Yeah. It's, uh...
It's not gonna come out.
Oh. Are you Mr. Van Der Jagt?
There is no mister. Uh...
Ms. Van Der Jagt, she's the
owner, but I'm the manager.
[Francis] Acting manager.
I'm just saying.
Hey, Francis, you can go
fill some tires maybe?
Uh, I spoke to her. She said
I could come take some photos.
Great. Yeah, totally.
I'm, uh... I'm not Rodrigo,
by the way. I'm Charlie.
-Not Joslyn. Chloe.
-It's great to meet you.
-Ooh, can I?
-Yeah.
Great. Don't want you
to miss another moment.
Oh, puh-lease.
-[Chloe chuckles]
-Tires!
Well, um, I'll
let you have at it.
If you need anything,
I'll just be over there.
-Okay.
-Great.
[shutter clicks]
[shutter clicks]
[jaunty music playing]
[Francis whispers]
Hey, psst, psst.
[shutter clicks]
[shutter clicks]
[clicks tongue] Hey,
how about a portrait?
Yeah. Manager portrait.
Uh, acting manager portrait,
huh? And me.
-[Charlie sighs]
-[shutter clicks]
-Nice. Candid.
-Thank you.
Well, I think
my work here is done.
-Awesome. Thanks, uh--
-Thanks for coming in.
-Great to see you again.
-Yeah. Bye.
-[both] Bye.
-[door bell jingles]
Man. That is a girl you
tuck your shirt in for.
-You know what I mean?
-I don't.
What are those
photos for anyway?
I don't know.
I didn't even ask her.
Were you afraid you were
gonna miss the moment?
Yeah.
Wow. She's not gonna get
the stain out of that dress.
No.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kelvin] How many
of you have ever seen
a live professional
ventriloquist act?
-I know I haven't.
-[audience laughs]
Happy Sullivan? Please.
The only reason Happy
Sullivan takes requests
is because he tries
to sell you insurance.
[Charlie] Francis, give me
your jacket. She's here.
-Who?
-Chloe.
I don't want her to think
I didn't go home and change.
You didn't go home and change.
Yeah, I know. Just
give me your jacket.
-I didn't bring my jacket.
-What are you wearing?
-I borrowed this from Yrral.
-Okay, well, then give it to me.
-Go. Come on.
-[shutter clicks]
[audience laughing]
Hey. Third time's the charm.
Hey, how you doing?
Are you the acting
manager here too?
Oh, no. Here, I'm
acting customer, so yeah.
-So, uh, what brings you here?
-On assignment.
Nice jacket... Larry.
Oh, yeah. Didn't
even notice that.
Oh, hey, you have a...
A little tear here.
You know, I can
fix that for you.
-Oh, you sew?
-Yeah.
I had one of those moms
that made me earn
-all my Girl Scout badges.
-Hmm.
I could just, like,
you know, cross-stitch it
and put in a button hook
on the bias, and...
[laughs] Oh, my God.
-You're a magician?
-No, no.
-[laughing]
-I don't even like--
-[Chloe] I love magic.
-You know, we prefer
-"the dark arts."
-Wait, are you serious?
About what? Preferring "the
dark arts" or being a magician?
-Either. Both.
-Wait, were you being serious?
About what? Loving
magic or sewing?
-Okay, I'm buying drinks.
-[Francis] One more time, huh?
-[audience applauds]
-Hey, everybody,
welcome to open-mic night.
How is everybody doing?
So I forgot to ask
what the photos are for.
The Cream City Crescent.
We're doing a feature on
locally owned businesses,
and I'm the photo editor.
And I'm also
the film and art critic.
And the food critic.
-And I write the horoscopes.
-Jeez.
-It's the slow death of print.
-Huh.
[chuckles] It's
just a summer job
-while I finish up my master's.
-Oh, grad school?
Yep. Still in school.
Lame, I know.
I took some time off.
So, what's your thesis on?
The new vernacular
in photography.
Everyone's phone
is a camera now,
so, what is the new definition
of a photo-worthy event?
Are we becoming more
culturally egalitarian,
or are we just
lowering our standards?
Do you think people
are gonna think
that's more like
a TED Talk than a thesis?
What's the deal with airlines
charging for bags these days?
Remember the good old days
when they just used
to lose them for free?
-[audience groans]
-Not my people.
[chuckles]
So who are your
people? Who are you?
Actually, wait.
No, I'm gonna guess.
Ooh, this is gonna be fun.
Um, English major.
Teaching certificate.
Mm.
-[Chloe] Mm-hmm.
You taught in public
schools for three years,
and then you got so
tired of being a parent
and a referee and not
teaching, so you quit.
And you got this noble job
at a family-owned bike shop
while you write the
great American novel. Ah!
Graphic novel.
Nope. Sorry, novel.
And you're a Taurus.
Wow.
Honestly, that
is amazing, right?
I know. I'm pretty good
at this, right?
-No, not at all, actually.
-Oh. [laughs]
Um, humanities. No teaching
certificate, no referee.
Although I did ump
a softball league one summer.
[sucks teeth] And no novel.
-Really? That's it?
-That is the great dilemma
of the reasonably
happy and free man.
The smaller the struggle,
the smaller the ambition.
But, hey, you know
us Capricorns.
And no girlfriend.
Okay, that was good.
How'd you know that?
Well, you better not
have a girlfriend.
You're sitting at
this table with me
on Saturday night, flirting.
Oh, my. Flirting?
That's what this is?
Well, you wanna grab
a bite or something?
You know, I really wish that
I could, but I am on a deadline.
Oh, okay. Um, do you need
a ride somewhere or anywhere?
Yes, but not tonight.
I need a ride tomorrow.
-Is that gauche?
-No.
-It's flirting, but I like it.
-Well, great.
I have an assignment
tomorrow afternoon,
and I don't have a car.
And my boyfriend
is working all day.
Hey, has anybody out there
ever been attacked by a shark?
[Charlie] I thought you said
you were a humanities major.
Oh, yeah. This. No, this
is Ms. Van Der Jagt's.
-Oh.
-Yep.
Another one of the many perks
of being the acting manager.
-So where to?
-Oh, um...
the Rollaero.
-Rollaero?
-Yeah.
-Kids still roller-skate?
-The hipsters do.
Hipsters are roller-skating now.
Did they lose their kickball?
-It's called recontextualizing.
-Hmm.
They're attaching a new
signified to the signifier.
At least that's
what Rhys thinks.
And Rhys, assuming he's
the boyfriend, right?
That's a great crossword-puzzle
name. So, what's he do?
He's a sociologist.
-So he's a stoner.
-What?
All my buddies from college
who were stoners
got sociology degrees.
They went to school
for seven years,
financial aid dried up,
they took a stats class and
they got sociology degrees.
-Huh.
-Yeah.
He is actually going
to India for a year
to write a book on the
semiotics of Buddhist logic.
-He's kind of brilliant.
-Okay, next time,
you should just open
with the book thing.
So, uh, I'm assuming
he's British?
Yeah. How'd you know that?
"Brilliant."
You got that from him, probably.
I... You know, I don't
mind the British.
I just don't like how they
use the word "brilliant"
-to describe everything.
-Hmm.
Although I really like
how they hold their silverware.
So how long have you two been--?
I like it when
they wear sweatpants
-to non-athletic events.
-The English?
-No. Uh, the hipsters.
-Yeah, the hipsters I don't get.
It's like one big inside
joke that I'm not in on.
I think they spend a lot
of time looking for clothes
that makes them look
like they don't spend time
-looking for clothes.
-Yeah.
And they smell
like dirty pillows.
Eh. All right, here we are.
Isn't this parking
lot brilliant?
[Chloe chuckles]
Hey, come in with me.
It'll be fun.
We can count
nostalgic references.
All right. As long as
I don't have to skate.
-Uh, no promises.
-[Charlie sighs]
[upbeat music playing
over speakers]
[Chloe sniffs]
Dirty pillows. Right?
[Charlie] Yeah. With
undertones of sociology.
I will be in
the spectator area.
-Okay.
-[Charlie] Have fun.
[Chloe] Mm-hmm.
-How you doing?
-None of them can skate.
Yeah. Well, they're not
here to skate, Gordy.
They're here to recontextualize.
You know, attaching
a signified to the...
Eh, they're stoned.
[Gordy] That never stopped me.
After I broke my collarbone
at an Ann-Margret concert,
I was in a Darvon daze
for two months.
But I could still skate.
It's the music. You can't
skate to this stuff.
When I DJ'd, I played music
that you could really move to.
Okay, so you were the DJ?
When you hit 40, they kick
you down to the skate counter.
You know, when I was growing up,
the DJ was always the best
skater in the place.
He always had that one song that
he would just completely crush.
Gordy?
[shutter clicks]
[disco music playing
over speakers]
I'd like to
introduce you to Gordy.
He's emotionally engaged,
enthusiastic
and committed to
what he's doing,
thus revealing
his authentic self.
There isn't an app for that.
Oh, look, your world of
entrenched indifference
is crumbling in front of you.
Remember this moment.
Dude, it's a roller rink
with a disco ball.
Talk is cheap, Mr. Authentic.
Skating, however, is $3 an hour.
-Okay, fine. Come on.
-[chuckles]
[Chloe] Hey, you're
actually good at this.
It's just the music.
Who is this?
Oh, no, it doesn't matter.
It's just that it's music.
Maizy, my most recent
ex, is an artist.
When she was working,
which was all the time,
we were only allowed to
listen to story songs, so...
-Don't all songs tell a story?
-Yeah, but I'm talking about
those old, cryptic,
gothic story songs,
where, like, a ship
sinks or a dog dies
or somebody throws
something mysterious
-off a bridge, you know?
-Ugh, yeah.
Supposedly it inspired her,
but it drove me nuts.
Wait, so, what happened there?
Why are you between women?
Oh, okay, so I'm supposed
to open myself up
and reveal all my dark secrets
to a complete stranger?
-Yeah
-That's not how it works.
Uh, yes, that's exactly
how it works.
My best friend from
grade school, Alice Foss,
she had this really
strung-out mother,
and she would never
talk about it.
Nobody knew what was going on.
And then one summer,
my cousin comes to visit
and she tells her
the whole story,
like juicy details
and everything.
Oh, pills and booze?
-The Bible.
-Oh.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
So Maizy felt that
I never revealed myself
by, ahem, voicing my
thoughts and feelings.
And this makes me an
emotional dilettante, so...
Well, was she right?
I don't know.
I think I'm just searching
for something that's...
like, genuine,
or authentic, truthful.
-Low-carb diet for the soul.
-I know, it sounds lame,
but are people happy or are
they just resigned? I mean...
Okay, that sounds
really pretentious.
No, it's actually impossible
to sound pretentious
on roller skates.
[Charlie] Really?
Well, I'm getting close.
[Chloe chuckles]
Anyway, I just think
what you're looking for
sounds like something
you don't find.
-You create it over time.
-Yeah, I know. That's...
That's part of
the problem. Um...
I have this reluctance
to start something
if I think there's a chance
it might not work out.
It's the agony of defeatism.
Yeah. See, I have
the opposite problem.
I have a huge problem
with the endgame.
Which is why it took me
forever to finish school.
And Rhys.
-Wait, what?
-Hmm?
Ooh! [sighs]
-Uh, I'm sorry. What?
-Huh?
Oh, uh, Rhys is not
my boyfriend anymore.
I don't have a boyfriend.
Wow, uh, just last night,
you said that--
You're a complete stranger.
I wasn't gonna open up to you.
-That's not how it works.
-Okay.
Besides, I wanted to see
if you would give me a ride
if you thought
I had a boyfriend.
Hmm.
Luckily, your existential angst
does not suffocate
your chivalry.
-Mmm.
-Yeah.
We dated on and off forever,
but something was
just always missing.
He is perfect on paper.
It's like when you stay
in a dead-end job
because the benefits
are really good.
You know the saying. "Sexy,
smart, funny. Pick two." Right?
I don't know, maybe we'll
end up together someday.
Yeah. For the dental
and the profit-sharing.
Yeah. If I ever go
back with Maizy,
it'll be my personal
ninth ring of hell.
Probably be a story song
in there somewhere.
Yeah, you know what?
You're right.
-Backdating is for losers.
-Mm-hmm.
Do you want to go back to my
place and flip the mattress?
-[Chloe groans]
-[Charlie] All right.
-There we go.
-Okay. Okay.
-Good, good.
-Ow! [chuckles]
I really thought
that "flipping the mattress"
was a euphemism
-for something else.
-Yeah, I have a trick back.
Actually, it's my sacroiliac,
but, uh,
it's easier to say
"trick back" than explain
-what a sacroiliac is.
-Uh, the joint between
the pelvis and the spine?
-Yeah. That's pretty good.
-Yes!
Anyway, I need a firm
sleeping surface.
-Oh!
-Whoa! You all right?
-Sorry, I'm not much help here.
-No. It's okay. Uh...
Maizy was a good help, actually.
She has the lower body strength
-of a Bulgarian shot putter.
-Oh, it keeps slipping. I--
-It's okay.
-Maybe if I grab
-the mattress tag.
-What?
-What?
-Don't. Please don't say it.
Don't say what? Ah!
-Is it your sacroiliac?
-No.
-Oh.
-Were you gonna tell
-a mattress-tag joke?
-What? No. Why?
-It's on the list.
-The list?
Yeah, it's my list
of forbidden jokes.
Now, I'll show it to you,
but you have to promise
-not to laugh.
-So you have a list of jokes
that you want me to
promise not to laugh at?
Suddenly, flipping the mattress
doesn't seem so weird.
They're forbidden jokes.
In my search for truth,
I decided
to get rid of everything
in my life that wasn't genuine.
-So you started with jokes?
-Yeah.
I mean, laughter is the purest
expression of beauty.
Because in each good joke,
there's this small
grain of truth.
That's why these jokes
had to be retired
from the canon.
Because there's no truth
in any of them.
The canon. Wow.
This is very serious.
I'm making coffee.
You want some?
-Yes, please.
-All right.
"Doctors having bad
penmanship." They do.
They could be calligraphers
if they weren't so busy
saving our lives.
Okay, here it is.
"The grave repercussions
of removing a mattress tag."
Yeah. I mean, "warning,"
you know?
[pans clattering]
That was nothing.
Just making coffee.
[Chloe] "Playing a dandelion
in the school play."
Yeah. I mean, what play
is that, you know?
See, people love
reacting to the familiar,
but they hate having to think
about something original.
They're afraid it
might reveal them.
[Chloe] "Fruitcake." Okay.
-Fruitcake.
-Fruitcake is delicious.
Okay. "Kids preferring to play
with the box over the toy."
Yeah, that's not a thing.
If that was true, then there
wouldn't be toy stores.
-There'd only be box stores.
-"The garbage disposal bit"?
Uh, yeah. You know that thing.
It's like, uh,
"Oh, no. I dropped something
precious down the drain.
Oh, I can't see it. Let me just
turn on the light real quick.
That's not the light."
[imitates grinding]
[laughs]
-I love that one.
-No, you don't.
It's never happened
to anybody ever.
Okay. Yeah, you're right, I...
These aren't really jokes.
They just kind of represent
the idea of jokes.
Yes! And even if
they get laughs,
they're not real laughs.
It's like tickle laughter.
It's like
a conditioned response.
-Mmm.
-It's not based
-in pleasure at all.
-Yeah.
-You know?
-So, what do you do with it?
-Grassroots campaign.
-Mm.
I told Francis I'd drive him
to all of his stand-up gigs
if he promised not to use any
of these jokes in his routine.
-That's really pretty good.
-Thanks.
I mean, it's completely crazy,
but it's pretty good.
You know what?
-[Chloe gasps]
-[sighs] Yeah.
I'm going to give you something
under penalty of law.
I'm willing to suffer
the grave repercussions.
Wow. Um, I feel really
special right now.
Well, I think you might be.
[romantic music playing]
I should go. I should
go work on my thesis.
Yes. No. I should
get back to the shop.
-Yeah. Sorry, um...
-No, um...
Hey. How about a rain
check on that coffee?
[Charlie] Uh, yeah. Sure.
Enjoy this side
of the mattress.
Yeah, I will. That's great.
Well, thank you.
-Okay. Bye.
-My sacroiliac says
-thank you as well.
-[Chloe] Great.
So we're all grateful,
I guess.
[Chloe laughs] You're welcome.
-[Charlie] Bye.
-Bye.
[Charlie sighs deeply]
[Francis] You know,
I think it's pretty good.
-You know, it's a fine movie.
-I think it's better than fine.
I don't think you're
being exactly fair to it.
-[Charlie] It's a fine movie.
-I think it's really good.
The thing I don't like about it
is I don't like the message
that it sends to little girls.
You have Sandy, this
sweet All-American girl...
-From Australia.
-Along comes Rizzo
and the Pink Ladies,
and next thing you know,
one thing they're going--
-Hey, who bought the Venlo?
-Oh, nobody.
Giving it to Chloe
for the summer.
So we just loan bikes out now?
Ms. Van Der Jagt's
gonna love that.
Hey, what's next? Delivery?
[upbeat music playing]
[knocks on glass]
-Look who it is.
-Hey, Nolan.
Best wheel man in town. Look
at you. You're looking good.
Yeah. Are you still
pedaling that used stuff
over at the mom-and-pop?
It's just a mom.
There's no pop.
Oh, yeah. A Venlo?
-Yeah.
-Not too shabby. [laughs]
-Thanks.
-Who's the lucky customer?
Oh.
[whispers] I got it, I got it.
So when are you gonna come
build some real bikes for me?
Real? Do you mean like, uh,
handmade, locally sourced--?
Free range, free trade,
rack to road.
Come by sometime
when you want a real job.
-Okay.
-All right. But for now,
go get to that customer.
[snickers, sighs]
Looking good, man.
Great to see you.
-[sighs]
-[Chloe] Hi.
-Hey.
-[Chloe chuckles]
[laughs] The best
wheel man in town.
-Wow.
-[sighs] Yeah.
How come you didn't tell me
you had untapped potential?
-Sexy, right?
-Yeah.
Right up there with, uh,
"insecure" and "needy."
-Mm, yes.
-[laughs] What's a Venlo?
It's for you. You know, to get
around to your assignments.
No more rides
in the company car?
No, I'll still give
you rides. It's...
If I'm not busy, you know,
tapping my potential.
-Are you tapping tonight?
-No. Definitely not. Yeah.
-Great. Pick me up at 7:00.
-Okay.
[upbeat music playing]
[door bell jingles]
Where is he?
He's not here.
He's out on a delivery.
Well, he left some
things at my place,
and I'm... I'm not
running a storage locker.
Deliveries. Since
when do you deliver?
Oh, here at Van Der Jagt Bikes,
we're always trying to improve
on our customer service.
In fact, can I interest
you in a bike or a helmet
or the front door?
Fine.
-Tell him I rang.
-Okay.
[door bell jingles]
[knocks on door]
Come on in. Door's open.
-Hey.
-Hi. I'm almost ready.
Um, just make yourself at home.
Wow.
-It's a great place.
-[Chloe] Thank you.
It's my friend Cassy's.
She's just letting me
stay here for the summer.
Hey, when do I get
to read your thesis?
When it's finished.
-That's probably a good idea.
-[giggles]
Uh, we have to go.
Can you grab my phone?
Sure. Don't forget your camera.
-Oh, this isn't an assignment.
-Oh, uh, then what is it?
Cassy's having an
art show at her gallery,
and we're in charge of
refreshments and decorations.
Well, all right.
[Mr. Guy] A Wizard of Oz
theme cake?
Classic. There really is
no place like home.
A yellow brick road. And what
color would you like that?
Uh-huh. Ruby-red slippers.
Okay, and what color would you
like the ruby-red slippers?
Can I put you on hold
for one moment, please?
-Hello? May I help you?
-Um, are these samples
-of your work, or could we--?
-They are now.
Uh, they didn't start life
that way, however.
Hmm. Recontextualizing.
-I'm gonna go get some wine.
-Really?
-[Chloe] Good luck.
-Thanks.
May I help you?
Um, so how long do you
hang on to these?
A month. Uh, three
weeks in the summer.
I mean, you never know. Somebody
may order the same cake, so...
Come on. You think
they're gonna need
to crown a new Miss Southside
in the next three weeks?
Have you ever been
to the southside?
-Thirty bucks for all three?
-Ooh, kismet.
Sayonara, Miss Southside.
Let me get you a box.
[mellow music playing]
[indistinct conversation]
Charlie, this is Cassy.
Cassy, Charlie.
-Hey. Nice to meet you.
-Hey.
-Great show. Great gallery.
-Oh, thanks.
I've heard only
good things about you.
-Ah.
-Do you mind
if I steal her away
for a minute?
-No. That's fine.
-Can you get started
-on the cake?
-Yeah.
[Chloe] Are you gonna be okay?
-Let's find out. Yeah.
-[Cassy laughs]
[Cassy] You can learn a lot
about a person
by how they cut cake.
It's not art.
It's just old cake.
[Maizy] Don't mind if I do.
-[gasps, laughs]
-[Charlie sighs]
Wow, I couldn't drag
you to one of these events
when we were still together.
And yet you remembered
I was in the show tonight.
I am touched.
And look at you handing out cake
like a regular Peggy Guggenheim.
Why the sudden change?
I thought you might need this.
I do.
Maizy, this is Chloe.
Chloe, this is the artist
formerly known
as my girlfriend Maizy.
-[Chloe] Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Charmed, I'm sure.
So, Charlie, what's her story?
Maizy. Be nice.
What's my story or
what's my story song?
Oh, you know what? There's
some art in this gallery
-that I wanted you to see.
-We are already at that point
in the relationship, are we?
Sharing secrets? Lovers'
intimacies, as it were?
Any day now, you'll be
flipping mattresses.
So let's hear it, toots.
What have you got?
-You don't have to do this.
-No. It's okay, I got it.
You know, I think that
my favorite story song
has to be "Evil Ways."
"Evil Ways"? Please.
How is that a story song?
Well, on the surface, it's
a classic immigration tale
about a woman of color
assimilating
into a blue-blooded,
white-bread culture
by hanging out
with Jean and Joan,
and who knows who?
But subtextually, I think
it's a gender narrative
about a woman refusing to accept
some macho chauvinist ideas
about her domestic role,
i.e., keeping the house
light and the pots warm.
It really speaks volumes
to me about how we as women
have always been early adapters,
and we know that
our capacity for love
depends on our
capacity to change.
And by labeling her rejection
of his sexist stereotypes
as "evil ways,"
it reveals the narrator's
feelings about being emasculated
and metaphorically castrated
by the newfound independence
of this strong
and liberated Latina.
What a jerk, right? But I
like to think in the end
that he realizes it's
him who needs to change,
and they find a way to meet each
other on some equal footing.
All that in under four minutes
with a k*ller drum intro.
I would say that's
quite a story...
baby.
Hmm.
How's the cake?
[crickets chirping]
-So...
-[fire crackling]
-[sighs]
-...how did you two meet?
The most romantic
place in the world.
-Jury duty.
-[chuckles]
Yep. The defendant
went away free.
And I, on the other hand,
got 13 months with Maizy.
I should have ended it
a long time ago,
but I just knew it was
gonna be this big thing,
and we just kept
going on, you know?
Right. For the kids
and the dogs.
-Yeah.
-[chuckles]
I'm just kidding.
I've totally done that.
[romantic music playing]
-Wow.
-[snickers]
[coyote howls]
[vehicle approaching]
-[horn honking]
-[tires screeching]
[shushes]
[bottles clattering, shatter]
-[gasps softly]
-[tapping]
-[Maizy chuckles]
-What was that?
[wine sloshing]
That is a Maizy.
[Maizy] Yes.
And this isn't gonna be pretty.
[breathing heavily]
Oh! [laughing]
Oh, Maizy.
[nose squeaking against glass]
[sighs]
Maizy, what are you doing here?
Oh, she almost had me,
didn't she, Charlie,
with all of that
immigration tale
-and gendered narrative crap?
-Who?
Little Trixie Belden,
your new cruise director.
Okay, Maizy, you've
been drinking.
We both know that
when you're drinking,
you sound like Carol Channing
chewing tobacco.
-That's not true.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, if you're not careful,
you're gonna end up
like Natalie Wood.
You can't even commit
to a metaphor.
I'm calling you out,
Mr. Genuine. Mr. Sincere.
Mr. True Self.
And I'm calling her out.
-What are you talking about?
-I'm talking about "Lathina."
-Latina?
-No, not Latina.
"Lathina." That's how
she pronounced it.
[scoffs] Like she's some
second-rate news anchor
who studied Spanish for one year
and then spent the
semester in Barcelona.
If I had pronounced
it "Lathina,"
you would have
read me the riot act.
That's what you came here
to talk to me about?
Yes, because we had a covenant.
A covenant to be honest
with each other.
Maizy, please, just go home.
[yells] No! I will
not go quietly
-into the night!
-[dogs barking]
Oh, I don't think we have
to worry about that.
Who are you, Charlie?
You're changing.
Isn't that what you wanted?
Isn't that what you said?
"If not with me, then
with someone else?"
Don't tell me what I wanted.
Don't tell me what I said.
I know what I said.
I know what I wanted.
And since when have you ever
paid attention to any of that?
Are we done here?
[speaks in Spanish]
-[Charlie sighs]
-[laughs]
Or should I say "thi"? "Thi."
Maizy. Maizy!
[Maizy thuds on ground]
[snores]
[groans softly, laughs]
[whispers] "Lathina."
[both chuckle]
Okay. I'm gonna guess that
when this finally did end,
it did not end on a good note.
Does it ever end
on a good note?
-Sometimes.
-Really?
Yeah. I mean, I think it ends
on the exact opposite note
of the quality
of the relationship.
You know, like, if
it was really good
when you were going out,
ends on a bad note.
If it was really bad
when you were going out,
-it ends pretty good.
-Huh.
Well, then our ending
should have been brilliant.
[Chloe chuckles]
Something went awry.
-[Charlie] Yes.
-[Chloe] Oh, oh!
[Charlie] You see,
the downside of having
the lower body strength
of Bulgarian shot putter
is you also have
the dead body weight
of a Bulgarian shot putter.
-[Chloe] Yeah.
-[Maizy muttering]
[Chloe] Oh, you're
very friendly now.
[Charlie] Yeah. Okay.
We're not kissing.
No kissing. No kissing.
Well, that was an eventful
end to the evening.
[both chuckle]
Oh, look, a full moon.
Pull over.
[Charlie] Oh, wow.
-[Chloe] Charlie?
-[Charlie] Mm-hmm?
[Chloe] I think that
we should promise
to always be completely
honest with each other.
[Charlie] Okay.
I had four years of Spanish
and a full year in "Barthelona."
-[laughs] Oh, wow.
-[laughs]
-"Barthelona" with a "th."
-I'm good at it, right?
[romantic music playing]
So how soon until you
try and clean me up
and show me off to your friends
like a new little puppy?
Fourth of July weekend. [laughs]
-Okay.
-Cassy's having a bridal shower
-for our friend Martha.
-That sounds good.
So how long until you tell me
you can't stay over
'cause you have to get up early,
but you're really gonna go
get drunk with your friends?
Uh, I was thinking next
Tuesday. Does that work?
-Yeah.
-All right.
-Sounds good.
-It's a deal.
[Chloe giggles]
[upbeat music playing]
This is the start
Of something...
[audience booing]
[Francis] Hi. How's everybody
doing tonight?
-[booing continues]
-[man] Get out of here!
This is the start
Of something
[Chloe yelps]
Don't let your head
Get in the way
[inaudible dialogue]
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that we can be
Everything we need...
Yeah? Why don't you bring that
a*s up here and give it a try?
[crowd booing]
If you hold on tightly
I know that I can be
Everything you need
This is the start
Of something...
You think I need this? I do not.
-[crowd booing]
-I do not need this.
[Francis] I need this.
I really need this.
I really, really,
really need this.
-What will it be?
-Francis, what do you want?
What every guy wants.
Chicks and money.
-Just the check.
-[Francis] Just the check.
[sucks teeth]
You... Okay.
So let's take chicks and
money out of the equation.
Okay, if you take chicks and
money out of the equation,
there is no equation.
Chicks plus money equals
life. That is the equation.
And right now,
mine doesn't add up.
You have a college degree.
You're gonna be fine.
In sociology. I mean,
what do you do
with a degree in sociology?
-What about you?
-What about me?
Do you really wanna work
at a bike shop forever?
Don't you want to
do something else?
Not really. I mean,
not yet, at least.
But when I do, I have
untapped potential,
-so I'm just gonna tap it.
-[scoffs]
Sal, do you want
to pull up a chair?
Maybe you could hear
everything better.
Okay. We should finish these
up. We're gonna be late.
-How many shirts do you have on?
-Five.
I figure if I strike out with
a chick, I take one off.
She has a few more drinks,
and then I have
another chance with her.
That is some strategy, man.
Yeah. I like to
go down swinging.
Yeah, just try not
to take out a lamp.
Oh, man. Are you
wearing cologne?
Yeah. Five. Each shirt has
its own different scent profile.
Like this one is
Mount Shasta, For Her.
Because there are gonna be
a lot of hers there.
-Welcome. Come on in.
-[Cassy] Hey!
-Hello.
-[Charlie] Hello, hello.
-[Cassy] Hey, Charlie.
-This is Francis.
I'm Cassy. Shoes off, please.
-Take your shoes off.
-Me likey.
Hi, Chloe. You look wonderful.
Oh, thank you, Francis.
That's an interesting
aftershave you have there.
Oh, it's only gonna get
more interesting
once he takes
his shoes off. Um...
Here's a little hostess gift
for you. Don't open it now.
[Chloe] Don't open it now?
Hey, everybody, look
what Charlie got me.
See, nobody cares.
This is cute.
Yeah. Good.
I'm glad you like it.
Yeah. Um, Francis, the bar's
in the kitchen...
-Great.
-...and the food is in...
-Nope, I'm on it.
-...the front. Okay.
Um, anyway, do you want to
come meet some of my friends?
-I do. It'll be fun.
-Great.
[indistinct conversations]
Okay, let's see what
that is. Oh, okay.
[laughing]
As a rule, I don't get
mixed up with daddy's girls.
But I believe rules
are meant to be broken.
Possibly bent.
-Over my knee.
-[chuckles]
Spanked.
[softly] Okay.
One down, four to go.
[Chloe] I can't believe
the summer is half over.
In six weeks, I will be
officially done
with school for good.
Wow, that's great.
-So, what's next?
-I have no idea.
The great dilemma of the
extremely happy and free woman.
-[Charlie] Mmm!
-[chuckles]
-Maybe I'll travel the world.
-Wow.
See exotic places.
You know, I should
tell you. Rhys is here.
-What?
-I know.
It seems weird,
but it's not weird.
It's-- Just don't
worry about it.
What are you two
whispering about?
You guys talk. I'm gonna
go refill the snacks.
Um...
I, um, haven't seen her
this happy in a long time.
-You must be quite the catch.
-[sighs] Yeah, I guess.
I think I would have taken
the year in India. Just saying.
-Hmm?
-I... I'm just joking.
-Uh, I don't follow.
-Oh, you didn't know?
She didn't tell you? Oh, God.
I am such an idiot. Um... Mm.
Rhys asked her to go to
India with him for a year.
She was seriously considering
it, but she told me
she gave the ticket back to him.
So you're good, right?
Did I mention how happy she is?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. For sure.
-Don't worry.
I'll make sure he
stays behind the bar.
-And why is he here?
-They were still together
when this was planned. And he's
the best man for the wedding.
You know, I... [stammers]
Then there were two.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Oh, looks like somebody
could use a drink.
-Yep.
-What will it be?
-One of my signature c*ck?
-Uh, how about a beer?
-Appreciate it.
-Which side are you on?
-Bride or groom?
-Oh. Um...
bride, like twice removed.
Oh, yes. Martha. She's
looking radiant tonight.
Not as luminous as Chloe.
-You know her, Chloe?
-I don't.
I thought I did, but I don't.
Can you ever
really know someone?
Especially a beautiful woman?
[Charlie] No. No, no, you can't.
-It's impossible.
-Exactly.
I've realized that we men
spend all our time and energy
just to be with
a beautiful woman.
If we're lucky enough
to be successful,
we immediately have
to redouble our efforts
in order to keep
said beautiful woman.
-Really?
-It's exhausting.
Yeah. Rhys, I think
you're onto something there.
I would follow that. Just
swear off beautiful women.
-Just completely. Entirely.
-[chuckles]
No, I can't.
What would I do with
all that time and energy?
-[laughs] I don't know.
-Cheers.
Cheers to you, buddy.
Great to talk.
[Francis] As a rule, I tend
not to get involved
-with daddy's girls...
-Oh, that's my plus-one.
-...but I do believe...
-He found a lamp.
...that rules are meant
to be broken.
Or at least bent.
Buddy, we're talking to a lamp.
You know, they got
a name for a guy like me.
-Whoa, whoa, they sure do.
-Stand-up guy.
-That's not it.
-Yep. I'm a comic.
-Buddy, you can't even stand up.
-Yes, I can. Don't...
[Charlie] How'd those shirts
work out for you? Good?
You'll often hear people say,
"That Francis? He's
a real stand-up guy."
No, you won't.
All right. Thanks
for a nice time.
-I'm gonna get him home.
-Mm-hmm, you're a hero.
-Thank you for that.
-Yep. No problem.
-Good luck.
-Thanks. Gonna need it.
[clattering]
[Charlie] Down goes Francis.
Down goes Francis.
-You okay?
-Yeah.
[gentle music playing]
Hey, I get it now.
It's because I told you
my mom made me earn
all my Girl Scout badges.
-Right.
-I was kidding, but I love it.
Come back up.
I feel like dancing.
Okay, I'll be right back.
See you in a minute. Hey,
buddy. Here we go. Double time.
[fireworks popping, crackling]
[Chloe] So I got my
last list of assignments.
-[Charlie] Let's hear 'em.
-There's a chili cook-off.
-[Charlie] Ooh!
-An owner and pet
lookalike contest.
-Oh, and speed dating.
-Speed dating?
-Yeah.
-Who does speed dating anymore?
"Eleanor Rigby, meet
Marty the Butcher.
How many lies can you tell each
other in two minutes, and go."
Like you've never fibbed a
little bit to impress a woman?
Mm, once, but it backfired.
Told her I was a cat sitter
for Joni Mitchell.
-How did that backfire?
-No. It worked.
-Cat ladies, you know?
-Oh.
-What about you?
-Yes.
Uh, there was this kind of cute,
-funny guy in his own way...
-Mm-hmm.
and I, uh... I wanted
to impress him,
so I told him that I could sew
and that I liked magicians.
And that poor sucker
actually fell for it, huh?
Yeah. There's one
born every minute.
-Guess so.
-Mm-hmm.
You're so lucky that you
don't have to do speed dating.
Why? I'd be amazing
at speed dating.
Uh, you would be very terrible.
Not every woman is
as desperate as me.
Yeah, you're right.
Hey, wait a minute.
They would never put up
with, like, your
-"I wanna be the real me" thing.
-Hmm?
Well, because nobody wants
to be the real them.
The only reason most people
get out of bed in the morning
is because they think,
"Today's the day I finally
get to be somebody else."
I'm on to you.
-I get what you're doing.
-[chuckles] Okay.
Yep. It's your
everlasting summer.
And you wanna slum it with some
working guy from the streets.
See if you can change him.
-Here's the thing, though.
-Mm-hmm?
I don't need any fixing.
Hey, um, what street
did you grow up on?
-Sleepy Hollow Circle.
-[laughs] Oh!
You're not even from a street.
You're from a circle.
Yeah. Much scarier
than the streets.
-Yeah. You're so brave.
-Mmm.
[Chloe giggles]
-[Chloe] Gin.
-[Francis sighs]
Oh, Francis, this
came across my desk.
I thought you might
be interested in it.
A young underground
comedy troupe
is doing a blue parody
of The Hollywood Squares.
It's supposed to be very
naughty and extremely funny.
I heard they might be looking
for a new Marty Allen.
-Hello there.
-Hollywood Squares?
Are you serious?
What year is it?
These people weren't even
alive for the reruns,
and they're gonna use it
as a pop-culture reference?
I think they're
recontextualizing.
-Really?
-Yeah.
How does one recontextualize
The Hollywood Squares?
Just add swearing, I guess?
-[Chloe chuckles]
-Okay. My deal.
[gasps] Are you crazy?
I told you not to dress up.
Yeah, but in my experience,
when a woman tells you
not to dress up,
you should dress up.
And you're wearing jeans
and sandals. Great.
-It's a beach wedding.
-[sighs]
You look really handsome.
That scarf is a bit much.
-It's apricot.
-Undo me. I'm gonna change.
-You're gonna change?
-Yeah.
I'm not gonna waste this
on a beach wedding.
Let's go do dinner and dancing.
You're just gonna blow off
Martha's wedding?
This one. She'll have others.
Okay. So you're
sure about this?
Here's what we'll be missing.
The ceremony will begin
with a Sylvia Plath poem
mumbled by her younger sister,
followed by a Jeff Buckley song
butchered by his best friend.
And then they'll read each
other personally written
-and painfully maudlin vows.
-Oof.
-Um, hey, can you find my phone?
-Mm-hmm.
Oh, and you want to
know the worst part?
[Charlie] It gets worse?
-No cake.
-What?
I know. I have been to six--
No, seven weddings
in the last year,
because this is the year
all of them are dropping.
Four of them in barns,
thank you very much.
And I've had cupcakes
and ice cream cones
and Rice Krispie treats,
but no cake.
Tonight, I think
it's... s'mores.
And the whole blessed
event will be documented
by two dirty, rat-haired
art boys with Bolexes.
[gentle music playing]
These shoes are too
comfortable to look right.
[sighs] But I'm wearing them.
[Chloe humming]
Okay, uh...
what are you hungry for?
I think I feel like Indian.
-Are you okay?
-Yeah. Um...
[clears throat] I, uh...
I just think my top button
was too tight, you know?
-Oh.
-Yeah. I'm good.
How do I look?
-Brilliant.
-Lose the scarf, Warren.
Yeah.
[pops]
[band playing romantic music]
-Uh, you okay, man?
-Uh, I'm not sure.
You two seem pretty happy.
How long you been together?
For 42 years.
How did you know?
You think I'm wise
because I'm old?
Well, I can tell you
how to get rid of that
slice on your golf swing,
how to grill the
perfect T-bone steak
and, if you have 20 minutes,
I can show you how
to deliver a baby.
Actually bring life
into the world.
But if you're looking
for some universal truth
about love in general
and women specifically,
I can't help you, because
I haven't figured it out myself.
I have had a lot of fun trying.
-Mm, I like your perfume.
-Mount Shasta, For Her.
Have you tried
the creme brule?
-Oh, it is divine.
-Mm-hmm.
I have a feeling it might be
the cl*max of my evening.
[Chloe chuckles]
[laughs]
-[air hisses]
-[door bell jingles]
[upbeat music playing]
I've changed my mind. I think
he should apologize to me.
Oh, I know that we're
two very different people.
I have been working on
finding my inner calm,
which will manifest itself
in a peaceful glow
to the outside world.
He, on the other hand,
has clearly decided to
suppress his feel--
[air hisses]
[high-pitched screaming]
[BB g*n firing]
-No!
-[BB g*n firing]
[BB g*n firing]
[laughs]
[continues firing]
[door bell jingles]
[grunts softly]
Man, I don't know.
Uh, tree. Scarecrow.
Your nails are wet.
What do you want from me, man?
-[Charlie] Maizy.
-[g*n racks]
-So nice to see you.
-[BB g*n firing]
I didn't ask to be
the crazy ex-girlfriend.
But if you're going
to cast me in that role,
I'm taking home the Tony.
Okay, take it easy.
-Oh, oh, oh!
-[Charlie] Everything's fine.
-Why don't we just--?
-Drop the g*n, take the cannoli.
-[door bell jingles]
-[Charlie] Jeez.
[Francis] Well, if it
isn't daddy longlegs.
-What's your problem?
-You. You're never around.
And when you are,
you're completely useless
because you got a love hangover.
Look around, man.
The shop's a mess.
I'm up to my chin in work.
And that nutjob?
Well, she keeps
dropping in to see you.
Ms. Van Der Jagt
is not very happy.
Okay, you know what today is?
It's clean-up-the-shop day,
all right?
Oh, and Ms. Van Der Jagt's
not very happy? Great.
Ms. Van Der Jagt,
if you're not happy,
then we should talk,
because guess what?
I'm not happy either.
First of all, I'm dropping
the "acting" from my title.
So now I am simply the manager.
And as the manager,
I'd like to be consulted
the next time someone
comes to take photos
and disrupts all of our lives.
Secondly, I'd like
to be recognized
for my potential,
untapped as it may be.
I have potential,
and I'll tap it.
I'm warning you. I'll tap it.
-What?
-Nothing.
Just looking out for that tap.
[mellow music playing]
[laughing]
Look who it is. The wheel man!
Here. Now. Yes!
-How you doing?
-Dude. Welcome, man.
I'm glad you finally
decided to leave that dump
and come join my team.
Dude, we want to get you
started right away, man.
Dude, you are gonna love this
place. These bros are awesome.
We got nine stations.
Three new builds,
three custom builds,
three repair stations.
An in-house barista.
What else could you want?
So would I be doing sales,
new build or service?
Neither. Because here,
we're not bike mechanics.
We're storytellers.
This is for the
insurance. 401k.
Non-compete. Non-disclosure.
-Welcome to reality, right?
-Yeah.
Oh, and then you gotta meet
the man behind the curtain.
-I thought you owned this place.
-Oh, no.
Well-- Well, not on paper.
Not yet, anyway.
I'm kind of just
like the acting owner.
You know, to take the corporate
edge off for our client base.
Oh, but check this out.
Last week, he told me
I had untapped potential.
Now, to be completely honest,
I have no idea what that means.
But it's gotta be
a good thing, right?
[gentle music playing]
George, please tell me,
like you done before,
about the rabbits, please.
Like you done before.
Will you lay off that stuff?
You're like Ray Milland
on rumspringa.
This Jumbles Gin
jumbles your mind.
And it gives you
the wildest dreams,
which I've been using as
material for my new routine.
So it's not drinking,
it's research.
-Where are we going, anyway?
-Shirley's You Joust.
And you just passed it.
We've been there, like,
a million times.
Well, you know, maybe it's
time somebody told Shirley
that jousting became popular
in the High Middle Ages
between 1000 and 1300 A.D.,
and the architectural style
of that period was Gothic.
I'll give you late
Romanesque, just to be fair.
And the facade of her building
is clearly meant to be Tudor,
and a poor attempt
at that, I might add.
So that's your thing now?
Pointing out
architectural inaccuracies
in themed comedy clubs?
-[tires screech]
-[Francis' head thumps]
[Charlie] Whoops. Sorry,
buddy. You all right?
[crowd booing]
[Yrral] Understood by few
and mastered by even fewer...
That's it!
-[booing continues]
Not the cue, Birdsong.
Serfs are restless tonight.
Birdsong, pretty rough
out there, huh?
I did not sign up for this.
I'm taking this up
with Shirley.
-Where's Shirley?
-Birdsong. This is not the cue.
-This is the cue.
-Not cue. I want my guarantee.
The only guarantee
in this business
is the indescribable
feeling one gets
from entertaining
an appreciative audience.
Appreciative audience, my a*s.
Those Dungeons
and Dragons freaks
were supposed to be
a bunch of peaceful nerds.
They were out for blood.
You guaranteed me 35 bucks
and a pork loin dinner
with three sides.
I believe we said two sides.
Well, that's one way to
make a magician disappear.
All right, let's welcome our
next comic of the evening.
Put them together for Sicnarf.
-Sicnarf? What's a Sicnarf?
-[crowd booing]
[blowing]
Which one of you pots
of meshugenah is Sicnarf?
Look, Sid, I was
guaranteed 35 bucks.
I'm not leaving until I get it.
The only real guarantee
in this business
-is the indescribable feeling--
-Can it, Matranga!
I want my $35 and
my pork loin dinner.
With three sides.
Look, put down the knife, toady,
before you lose the other leg.
-[bell dings]
-Food.
-[Francis] Okay, uh...
-[booing continues]
All right. Hey. This one's
for the guys. Hey, guys.
How many guys out there
have ever dated one of these?
-[crowd quiets]
-Little Miss
Always Has to Be Right.
Little Miss Can't
Get a Word in Edgewise.
Little Miss I'm Going
to Go Home Tonight
-and Practice My Castanets.
-[booing resumes]
Yeah, I hear you. Okay.
I hear you. Yep.
Come on, man.
Lamb shank? Really?
[sighs]
Um, you know what?
That, uh-- That reminds me,
um, a little while ago,
I was looking for something
to eat in the refrigerator,
and, um, I went in there, and
I found this old lamb shank
that had been inside of
the fridge for, like, a month
and had started to look like
somebody's science project.
[people laughing]
-[giggling]
-So I got to thinking to myself,
"Where would I
find instructions
on how to heat up
an old lamb shank
that looks like somebody's
science project?"
When it dawns on me,
that's probably what's
written on your mattress tag.
[raucous laughter]
So under penalty of law,
uh, I tear that thing off.
But I'm trying to read it,
but the print is so small,
I'm really struggling to see it.
And that's when my fake
eyeball falls out,
falls into the kitchen sink
and right down the drain.
So I go to turn on the light,
instead of the light,
I accidentally turn on
the garbage disposal.
-[loud laughter]
-I know!
And It's just like...
[imitates disposal grinding]
[crowd cheering]
-Out.
-What?
We had an agreement.
No, a covenant.
And who the hell is Sicnarf?
It's "Francis" backwards.
It's my comedic persona.
Okay, well, both of you
are taking the bus.
Fine.
[mellow music playing]
I never understood the
cult of Holly Golightly.
Do people not know that she
was a high-priced hooker?
I mean, if your hero has to
be a fallen New York woman,
it should be Fran Kubelik
from The Apartment.
She's a much better role model.
She's the one with
the heart of gold.
And she ends up with that
sexy saint, Jack Lemmon.
Besides, how dumb
do you have to be
to dump Jed Clampett for
that creep from The A-Team?
Are you seriously
not gonna say anything?
I just mixed up three
cultural references.
-I'm sorry. No, um...
-What is with you lately?
It's nice. I think
you should buy it.
Okay, that's not what
I was saying, but...
whatever.
[Chloe] It's such a mess.
-What did I get myself into?
-That's normal.
You've reached that point where
you don't know what it is.
So you're looking for
flaws and imperfections.
And if you don't find any,
you create them in your head.
Yep. You're right. I just
want it to be perfect.
It'll never be perfect.
It's not a science, it's art.
I go through this same
thing with every show.
It's really, really good.
-You did an amazing job.
-Thanks.
-You're welcome.
-[sighs] Okay. Yes.
Let's drink wine now.
-To you.
-And you.
You know, I always thought I'd
be Clemenza instead of Tessio.
Remember when they're
going to the mattresses,
he was teaching Michael
how to cook?
-[Charlie] Yeah.
-Just a little sugar
-in the sauce, and it's--
-[door bell jingles]
Lunchtime.
Oh, I can't today. We're,
uh... We're way behind.
I brought it. I hope you
like egg rolls. Homemade.
Homemade egg rolls.
Is that even legal?
Oh, Francis, I found this cool
new novelty T-shirt store.
You should go check it out.
Hey, you know, I don't
think we're allowed
to have customers
in the break room.
-Customers?
-Break room?
It's like an insurance thing.
Uh, you know, I'm the
manager now, so it's, um...
You know, I'm trying
to be responsible.
Okay. Um...
Well, why don't I just leave
these for you guys, then?
Because I have some
work to do anyway.
Don't forget, this customer
has her thesis review tomorrow.
Yeah.
Are we still celebrating?
Yeah.
[gentle music playing]
Okay. I'll see you later, then.
-Thanks, Chloe. These are great.
-You're welcome.
[door bell jingles]
[door closes]
-[door bell jingles]
-Hey, wait.
What?
I'm warning you, man.
Do not blow this.
This is not like the others.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
She came in here looking
like a million bucks
with homemade egg rolls,
and you acted like a big jerk.
It's that time again, isn't it?
What time?
It's been going on for a while,
and you're not
really sure what it is.
So now you're looking for
little flaws or imperfections
so you can come up
with a ridiculous reason
-to end the whole thing.
-That's not what I do, man.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I keep a list too.
And it is called the...
The Bad Mating Habits of
the North American Weasel,
or Reasons That You've
Ended It. Right?
Nancy: She moved her
forehead when she ate.
Shauna:
Frequent and improper
use of "air quotes."
Nadine: Nadine had
Al Lewis nostrils.
You know what? I'm gonna give
you that one, just to be fair.
And Maureen: Her dress.
What was it about her dress?
What was it? Come on.
It was, like, too... It was
too sparkly or something.
What was it? I can't
read my own writing.
Come on, you were there.
Help me out.
It wasn't her dress,
it was that she...
It was a jazzy get-up.
She kept calling her
clothes a jazzy get-up.
-Okay?
-A jazzy get-up?
Good lord, man, you
were with these girls
for, like, what,
two, three months?
And you've been with crazy Maizy
for, like, over a year.
Why? Because she's certifiable.
And there's no real chance that
you would ever fall for her.
Maybe she's not the crazy one.
You know what? You need fixing.
[woman] So you seem to have an
interesting relationship with,
like, these challenges
that you've had...
You know, you've known
each other...
[voice fades out, woman keeps
speaking indistinctly]
--the relationship between
texture and graphic elements.
Um... so at the beginning...
You can just page
through it there.
-Thank you so much.
-Thank you.
[Chloe humming]
[Francis] Hey,
did you tell Chloe
to bring all of her friends?
Because this is my last chance
to qualify for the
Stand Up Showdown.
I just hope they don't mind
it's at a strip club.
I really need to pack
the place. It's really imp...
You did tell her, didn't you?
Oh, man. Did you blow it?
[scoffs] I warned you.
Okay, let's hear it.
What was her "big" little flaw?
There's no flaw.
She's going to India
with her old boyfriend.
Dude's the real deal.
-He's writing a book.
-So? You've written a list.
Yeah. Thanks.
A book on the semiotics
of Buddhist logic.
-Buddhist logic?
-Yeah.
This guy sounds like
a bigger nutjob than you,
but he doesn't sound
like much of a threat.
[sighs]
I'm only gonna
tell you this once.
You need to get out
of here right now.
March over there,
get down on your knee
and ask this girl to marry you.
Are you kidding me?
Naughty Hollywood Squares,
homemade egg rolls
and novelty T-shirts?
Buddy, a girl like this comes
along once in a lifetime.
-What time is it?
-It's beer-bottling time.
No!
[somber music playing]
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
How'd it go?
So this is it. Thesis.
What is your problem?
I don't... I don't know.
Is there something
you wanna tell me?
-Yeah.
-All right, well, let's hear it.
This isn't...
This is not how I planned it.
You don't even have to say
anything. I already know.
I found it.
-Two first-class tickets?
-The ticket?
Did you see what it was next to?
I kept the ticket as a sign
of something that I finished.
As in, I'm finally
finished with Rhys.
And I kept the mattress tag
as a sign of something
that you finally started,
without knowing how it
was gonna end with me.
Did you really think
I would do that to you?
-You think that's who I am?
-I didn't know.
I saw the ticket and Cassy
said you had given it back,
so I thought maybe you were...
I don't know. Look,
let's just celebrate.
We can still have
fun, all right?
-Let's open this up.
-[scoffs] Yeah, sure.
Great. There we go.
So, what did they say?
Come on. Don't do that.
You need to go, now.
[Charlie sighs]
If you weren't gonna tell me
about going to India,
-what were you gonna tell me?
-Take these.
I don't need them.
What were you gonna tell me?
[scoffs]
Chloe...
[whispers] Go home, Charlie.
Grave repercussions.
-[crowd booing]
-[Francis] Sicnarf.
Let's hear it for Sicnarf.
Put them together.
Put them together.
Knock-knock.
-[man] You stink.
-Who said that?
I said that. What are
you gonna do about it?
What am I gonna do about it?
I'm gonna start by doing that.
[man] That's doing
something about it?
I'm dropping the mic,
but not "it."
-I think you're dropping it.
No, I'm not.
-You're not gonna do anything.
-Yes, I am--
-What are you gonna do?
-What am I gonna do?
Yeah, I did drop it,
but I'm not dropping this.
-You're not dropping me.
-Oh, I'm not?
-You're not gonna drop me.
-Come on, buddy.
-Yeah, I am gonna do something.
-[crowd gasps]
[man] Holy cow. Talk about
a sucker punch. [laughs]
Wow! [laughing]
[music blaring over speakers]
-[Francis] Who are you?
Who are you?
No, really. Francis Albert
Stojcevski, who are you?
Do you know where
you're going to?
Do you like the things
that life is showing you?
[man] Hey, Mahogany.
You about ready?
[glass shatters]
Oh, yeah. You're the one
that dunked Dodo.
Let's hear it. How was it?
-How what was what?
-My routine.
Routine? You said
two words up there.
No, you said one word twice.
I think you better reconsider
this whole thing.
Yeah. Then I'd be just like you.
Somebody who throws
in the towel.
Somebody who folds if
he's not sure he can win.
Okay, here's what I am sure of.
We're in a stripper's
dressing room.
You just told the world's
shortest knock-knock joke,
and you're asking your
reflection for advice.
-What the hell is going on?
-We're not strippers.
We're storytellers. Duh.
What's going on is called life.
And I suck at living it.
I know that, but at least
I'm out there trying
and not stuck in
my own stupid head.
I may be a loser,
but I'm not a quitter.
Okay, so tell me,
how does this end?
I don't know, but at least
I'm willing to find out.
Maybe I want to make
something of my life, okay?
Maybe I don't want
to hang around
and listen to you all the time.
And maybe a lot of the guys down
at Giggolo's do got 'em.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a bus to catch.
[somber music playing]
[BB g*n firing]
-[billiard ba*ls clacking]
-[country music playing softly]
Four riding the nine.
How you doing?
I'll take the strongest
thing you got.
[Maizy] Ace in the side.
-Perfect.
-[whispers] It jumbles the mind.
-[sighs]
-[Maizy] Eight ball. Clean.
Hmm.
I think I like pool.
Pleasure doing business
with you boys.
[Charlie] Can you
please sit down?
I just want to apologize.
You want to apologize?
I can't believe my ears.
This isn't the
Charlie that I know.
I should have
told you how I felt,
how I really felt when we
were together, so I'm sorry.
Wait. Are you apologizing
or are you sorry?
-There's a difference?
-There's a world of difference.
An apology is simply
an admission of wrongdoing.
But to say "I'm sorry," well,
that comes from the heart.
Okay, uh, then I'm sorry.
My, my. [chuckles]
You have changed.
Charlie's in love.
No. That's over. I blew it.
Go ahead. Tell me.
[tattoo g*n buzzing]
[heavy metal music playing]
[high-pitched screaming]
-[car horn blaring]
-Whoa!
Easy!
[somber music playing]
-[bike bell rings]
-Jeez.
You know what?
I hate the English.
Especially the way that
they hold their silverware.
Better than the way
you hold your gin.
Oh!
[laughs]
Down goes Charlie.
Down goes Charlie.
Get on.
Hmm?
Follow me.
Where are we going?
[grunts]
Can you slow down?
There we go.
[mysterious music playing]
[Charlie sighs]
Oh, no.
[Lenny] One of these stars
is sitting in
the secret square.
Which star is it?
Vincent Price, Albert Brooks,
Shelley Berman, Rose Marie,
Charo, Charlie Weaver,
Willie and Lester,
Marty Allen or Paul Lynde?
All in the Hollywood Squares.
And here's the master
of The Hollywood Squares,
-Peter Marshall.
-Thank you, Lenny.
Good evening, and welcome once
again to The Hollywood Squares.
-Hello, stars.
-[all murmur hello]
Our Ms. Circle for the evening
is a lovely, smart
young lady, Chloe.
-Hello, Chloe.
-Hello.
It says here that
you recently finished
your master's in Visual
and Critical Studies.
But the real work that
you've cut out for yourself
is trying to re-contextualize
-this [bleep] here on my right.
-[audience laughs]
I'm not trying
to change him, Peter.
I just want to discover
who he really is.
Good luck with that.
I think you'll need it.
Our Mr. X, who is ironically
from the circles, is Charlie,
an emotional dilettante
whose hobbies
include avoiding intimacy,
shirking commitment
and, most recently,
breaking covenants.
Chloe, I believe you
won the toss backstage.
-Rose Marie.
-[Peter] Hi, Rose.
-In Ancient Greece--
-[bleep] you. Peter.
-[audience laughing]
-I'm not that old.
[Peter laughs] Okay.
In Ancient Greece, irony was
simply a rhetorical device
primarily used to convey an
incongruity in a humorous way.
Charlie's avoidance
of irony, however,
is really just a cowardly
retreat into his psyche.
-True or false?
-How the [bleep] should I know?
[chuckling] That's a lot
of fancy [bleep] words.
Aw, but he does look like
a little chicken [bleep],
so I'll have to say true.
[laughs] I would have
to agree, Peter.
-[audience laughing]
-Yes!
Romantic irony does reflect
an attitude of
critical self-retreat,
but must also express
an exuberant emergence
from oneself.
Circle gets the square. Charlie.
Uh, going with Gordy
for the block.
[Peter] Paul,
Charlie asked Chloe
how long before she
tried to clean him up
and show him off to her
friends like a little puppy.
It sounds like he knows he needs
fixing if he wants to be happy.
Does he need fixing?
[bleeping]
[audience laughing,
applauding, cheering]
You go, girl.
-Bar mitzvah.
-[all laugh]
-True or false?
-I'm gonna say... true.
I'll disagree.
-[laughing] No!
-[audience laughing]
I'm afraid it's true.
[laughing]
Every [bleep] word of it.
Circle gets the square.
Chloe, your turn.
-Marty Allen.
-[Peter] Marty,
you probably know
Charlie the best.
Will he finally tap
that potential,
or will this all just end up
another jazzy get-up?
Boy, that's a real [bleep]
scratcher, Peter. Uh...
My best guess is
he's gonna [bleep] this up
like he does every other
[bleep] thing in his life.
Hold that thought, Marty.
We need to go to a commercial.
-The answer when we get back.
-[audience applauding]
-[heart beat pounding]
-[static on TV]
[suspenseful music playing]
[gasps]
[sighs]
[whispers] Jumbles.
[sighs] Maizy.
What am I doing here?
Relax, I'm not
going to stalk you.
It wasn't that good.
[Charlie sighs]
What am I doing here?
What's the big deal?
You said it was over with her.
But you don't want
it to be, do you?
Oh, Charlie. You are sorry.
[door bell jingles]
She brought it
back this morning.
Kid, kid, kid. I don't
represent the boys of comedy.
The Dustins, the Danas, the Bos.
I represent the men of comedy.
The Jans, the Sandys,
the Shelleys.
How old are you,
anyway? Nineteen.
[chuckles] Never licked a
stamp. Call me in 10 years.
[chuckles]
What the hell
happened to you, kid?
I got a tattoo.
Well, part of one.
A tattoo. What are you,
Popeye now? Looks painful.
-You able to perform?
-Perform what?
The Stand up Showdown.
You're in, kid.
Somebody phoned your
routine at the strip joint.
It went "virile," heh.
I always knew you had it,
kid. You're a fighter.
-See you at the theater.
-Yeah.
Bring Olive Oyl.
[door bell jingles]
[door closes]
-[door bell jingles]
-[woman] All right.
Can I speak to the manager?
Hi. I would like
to return this bike.
Uh, what's wrong with it?
Well, it's broken, that's
what's wrong with it.
And my little girl hurt herself.
-Hey. I remember you.
-[woman chuckles]
You're sunshine. Um...
Where is he?
Where is who?
[music blaring over car stereo]
-[knocks on window]
-Open up.
So this is how it works, huh?
You send your wife and kid
to do your dirty work?
You're the one
that knows so much
about everything, though, right?
If you want a refund,
Mr. Write Your Own Narrative,
then be a man and ask for it.
Okay.
[dramatic theme playing]
[brakes squeal]
[Chloe grunts]
-I got it. Oh!
-Can I get this? I got it.
-Hi.
-Yeah, hi.
Uh, Rhys, this is
my friend Charlie.
Um, Rhys is giving me this futon
because he's going
to India alone.
-[Charlie] Hey, Rhys.
-Charlie. Yes, from the party.
-Twice removed.
-[Charlie] Yeah.
-[Chloe] Uh...
-[Charlie grunts]
-[Rhys] Sorry, love.
-[Chloe] That's okay.
-Looks like you came prepared.
-Oh, yeah. It's a inside joke.
Oh.
-Hang on one second.
-[Rhys] You okay?
-[Charlie] Yeah.
-Need to take a break?
-No, I'm fine.
-[Chloe] If you're not fine,
just tell us. Is it
your sacroiliac?
Only three more flights.
-Good?
-Yeah, just put it down.
-[Charlie groans]
-Tea time.
I'll just run down
the corner then, shall I?
I know what you want. How
about you? What do you want?
Right. Three teas.
Back in a jiff.
[dramatic music playing]
Those really make
you look, uh--
-Super hip?
-Ridiculous.
I want to apologize.
No, I want to say I'm sorry.
It really hurt me
that you thought
I would treat you that way.
You said you might end
up with him one day.
Look, the night
I found the ticket
was the night that we
skipped out on that wedding.
And I thought that you
might skip out on me
and go back to him.
What kind of person
would do that?
An insecure...
desperate and needy person...
with untapped potential?
I thought we were over, okay?
I got drunk...
and I ran into Maizy...
and I backdated.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
And I'm back with tea.
-At least a poor excuse for it.
-Charlie was, um, just leaving.
Thanks for the help, mate.
[Rhys] Friend, eh?
Well, that ended badly.
Not like us.
We always managed
to keep it civil.
End it on a good note.
[bag crinkles]
Cheese Danish?
Brilliant.
[rain pattering,
thunder rumbles]
[somber music playing]
[thunder rumbling]
[disposal whirring]
Hey, kid. You can't go up there.
It's talent only. Hey! Hey!
[audience applauding]
[people cheering]
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the annual Stand Up Showdown,
featuring the comedy
faces of the future.
Presented by Sid Matranga
and generously sponsored
by Jumbles Gin.
[audience cheering, applauding]
-Hey, man.
-Hey.
[Sid] Tonight's competition will
showcase the stars of tomorrow.
-[Sid continues indistinctly]
-Here. Do all of them.
Thanks, but, uh, I don't
really get most of them.
Plus my castanet joke,
it's finally clicking.
That's good.
How you doing?
You feel all right?
-[sighs] Yeah, I think so.
-Good. It's gonna be great.
-Give me your glasses.
-Oh, thanks.
[Sid] --for the most genuine,
authentic, sincere comic
I've ever had the
pleasure to meet.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Francis Albert Stojcevski!
-[audience cheering, applauding]
-Hey, Francis,
you are a real stand-up guy.
-[man in audience] Yes!
-[audience whooping, exclaiming]
Your friend's a real fighter,
kid. Look at him out there.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
How's everybody doing
tonight, huh?
Emotionally engaged.
Enthusiastic. Committed
to what he's doing.
He's completely oblivious
to this world
of entrenched indifference
we live in.
Remember this moment.
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow...
-but someday...
-[audience laughing]
...he's gonna make it.
[Francis] There's so many people
out there in the audience...
He already has.
[Francis] --cause I have.
I was attacked by a shark.
Actually a hammerhead shark.
And the worst thing
about getting attacked
by a hammerhead shark
is they always go
-straight for your thumbs.
-[audience laughing]
[audience applauding, cheering]
Uh, okay, people. People.
Hey, everybody.
Okay, we're gonna get underway.
Uh, I think we all
know how this works.
So you have two minutes
to plead your case.
And then when I give
the signal, just...
Just move on to the next chair.
Okay? Okay, here we go.
[people chattering]
[speed-dating host] Oh, uh,
and remember, just...
-Just be yourselves.
-[thunder rumbling]
On your marks. Get set. Date.
[starting p*stol fires]
[Yrral] Of course,
as my new girlfriend,
you would also be
my new assistant.
Just one of the many perks of
dating Yrral the Unreal.
[chuckles nervously]
So, uh, you're the new
Miss Southside? Cool.
[Maizy] I cannot seem
to figure you out
because you're shy.
[softly] Good luck.
[Maizy] No, no, no, no, no.
-Seriously?
-Cassy, I need to talk to her.
Please?
-Hey.
-Hey.
Look, I know that I screwed up
and we ended on a bad note,
and even though you say
that can be a good thing,
what if we just don't end it?
Here.
I'll wait for you.
I have no idea how
this is gonna turn out.
But for the first time ever...
I really want to
find out. I need to.
Chloe, I love you.
[starter p*stol fires]
[all chattering]
[mouths] What?
[romantic music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
This is the start
Of something
I know the part
I'm here to play
This is the start
Of something
Don't let your head
Get in the way
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that we can be
Everything we need
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that I can be
Everything you need
This is the start
Of something
I feel the sparks
Are hitting me
This is the start
Of something
I feel my pulse
Is pushing me
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that we can be
Everything we need
Baby, can't you see?
If you hold on tightly
I know that I can be
Everything you need
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that we can be
Everything we need
Baby, can't you see
If you hold on tightly
I know that I can be
Everything you need
This is the start
Of something
I know the part
I'm here to play
This is the start
Of something
Don't let your head
Get in the way
[romantic music playing]
[laughing maniacally]
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Love & Irony (2025)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters
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Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
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