01x04 - Brandi and Teresa Carlile

[bunniefuu]

* MTV

(water trickling)

(gentle music)

* Your cheating heart
will make you weep *

* You'll cry and cry
and try to sleep *

* But sleep won't come
the whole night through *

* Your cheating heart
will tell on you *

Just before she turned
three I believe,

she got meningitis,
meningococcal meningitis.

Her heart stopped twice.

They told us to call the family.

They said, this is it.

There...

It's bad.

She was in a coma
for three weeks.

And then, I'll be damned.

I'll be damned if she
didn't come out of it.

All those doctors, they sat
us down right before we left.

And they said, you know,

we don't know if
this was a miracle,

if it was the medical
intervention, we don't know.

All we can say is
that God must have

really big plans for this girl.

(dynamic music)

(audience cheering and clapping)

(horses whinnying)

(people laughing and chattering)

BRANDI: Welcome.

DAVE: Thanks for having us.

This is surreal.

You're like hanging
out in my living room.

(all laughing)

It's nice too.

We grew up fascinated
with Nashville

and the Grand Ole Opry.

It was like the mothership.

It was where all
our music came from.

I used to watch it every
Sunday when I was a kid.

Loved it.

* Ever since you left me
I've done nothing but wrong *

I think we really
encouraged our kids

to appreciate all
kinds of music.

But in all fairness, I mean,

I only really at home
played country music.

My mom is a singer

because her father was
a really good singer,

country yodeler,
played the spoons.

My mom loved that,
grew up doing that.

Music is mine and her thing.

Her love for country music,
and the Grand Ole Opry,

for Nashville, that
really influenced me.

* All of these lines
across my face *

* Tell you the story

WOMAN: Brandi Carlile
and her bandmates,

identical twins Tim
and Phil Hanseroth...

MAN: Have been building
a name for themselves

for the past decade.

You seem to be every
celebrity's favorite musician.

Really?

* Hold out your hand

I feel like I've always
been on the fringes,

being a mom with two kids.

A lot of girls in my family,
'cause I also have a wife.

* Hold out your hand

* I went to the movies

Our next guest won
three Grammy awards.

She was the most
nominated female artist.

(audience cheering and clapping)

REPORTER: Brandi Carlile may be

the most popular musician
you've never heard of.

I just, I never saw
us standing here,

but it means so much to be
standing here for this song.

(Brandi singing)

(audience clapping)

VIRGINIA: I first
noticed Brandi Carlile

during her performance
at the 2019 Grammy's.

I was curious about this woman
who got a standing ovation

because she sang with
such force and energy

It turns out, in the 90s,

Brandi and David both
lived in the Seattle area

and were involved in very
different music scenes.

She now lives in Maple
Valley, Washington,

a small town an hour
outside of Seattle.

Hi.

This is Miss Virginia
Grohl, everybody.

Hi.
Hi, I'm Brandi.

It's so nice to meet you.

Hi.
Nice to meet you as well.

What an honor.
Oh my.

This is my mom, Theresa.
Hi.

Theresa.
So nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

I've been looking
forward to this.

VIRGINIA: I know, me too, yeah.

When I met Brandi's
family, I became aware that

they've learned to use music

to pull themselves
through difficult times.

DAVE: And you got the farm, man.

I got the farm.
I'm f*cking jealous.

You're gonna get one too.

And then I gotta come over.

I'll help you set it up.

This is so cool,

I can't believe you're in
my weird little studio.

DAVE: The studio is so cool.

Okay so, I wanna start
with, where did you grow up?

I grew up right here.

Right here.
Yeah.

I remember when
we moved out here

I was in about fourth grade.

We drove up to this little
single-wide mobile home

in Ravensdale, that my parents

were gonna rent
for $400 a month.

I, first thing I saw was
like a pile of deer sh*t.

And I was like, I belong here.

I did a lot of fishing, built
forts, try to find trails,

there's mine shafts and old
coal miner's burial grounds

all over the place.

I used to run around with
a BB g*n before I realized

it wasn't nice to
k*ll things. (laughs)

My mom, she always
knew she had a bunch

of rugged little tomboy kids.

So there's three.

Brandi's the oldest.

She's our big sister.

And our brother is 11 months

and 27 days younger than Brandi.

Their birthdays are
three days apart.

So in a lot of ways they were
kind of raised like twins.

I came four or five years later.

I'm the baby baby.

Our parents were kids
when they had kids.

They didn't have the luxury
of coming into adulthood

as gently as some people get to.

It was really just kind of about
scraping, trying to get by.

We were a tight family
'cause we were really poor.

And we always lived in
really confined spaces.

And had a hard time
making ends meet.

And we had to make really hard
situations into adventures.

We moved constantly.

Like four years is the
longest we lived anywhere.

We didn't have things.

And sometimes all there
was to do was music.

I don't recall David ever saying

anything about
wanting to be rich,

I wanna be rich and famous.

I think he loved the music.

Let me have a cigarette please.

MAN: I only have one
left, Dave, sorry.

No you don't, you got
more than one left.

No I don't.
Yeah you do.

MAN: Skeeter, tell him
I only have one left.

He only has one left.
YeahSee. do.

DAVE: The band that I
was in from Virginia,

we were touring in a van,
going from gig to gig,

making enough to put gas in
the tank and buy a salad.

Scream wasn't gonna
make any money.

When they came back from Europe

they sort of did their
cross country thing

in an old van that
broke down all the time.

But I'm sure he
never complained.

He was happy about it.

DAVE: The band fell
apart in Los Angeles

and we were stranded.

Some friends of mine who
were from Seattle said,

have you ever heard of Nirvana?

And I said, of course.

Well they're looking
for a drummer

and they came to see you
play a few weeks ago.

And they said, if we could
get a drummer like that

that's the drummer that we need.

And I knew that if I were
the drummer of this band,

that it would be good.

I just knew it.

But I didn't wanna
leave my friends behind

that I had toured
with for years.

And they were like my brothers.

And I called my mother
and I said, I'm torn.

I don't know what to do.

And she said, you
know, sometimes in life

you have to do
what's best for you.

I was sorry that he
had to leave Scream.

And I think he was sorry too.

But they were out of money

and they didn't have
a place to live.

And they were all desperate.

The fact that he had another
option right away, wow.

DAVE: She Western Unioned $120,

and I flew up to Seattle,
and I never went back.

VIRGINIA: If I see somebody
in the grocery store

with a Foo Fighter shirt
on, I'll say, oh by the way.

Oh, that's so funny.

When I first started
hearing Brandi's music

on the radio, and I'd be in
the grocery store or something

and I'd hear it, it
was so hard for me

to not stop random
people and go, that's.

Do you know who that is?

That's my kid,
that's my daughter.

I taught her
everything she knows.

Yeah.
Right.

VIRGINIA: Let's see the photos.

Well, that's our family.

And so I'm gonna say
this was about 1965.

We grew up really close
to my dad's parents.

They were a musical family.

They were a band called
the Miller Family Band.

My grandmother played
piano and sang.

My grandpa played banjo.

And then my dad
was a lead singer.

It was really natural I think

for all of us to just
be in love with music.

We weren't really
given a choice.

When I was young and in
school, the music teacher

told my parents that
I had perfect pitch.

And they asked me to
do the national anthem

at a school function.

I was a wreck.

I was terrified.

I told my dad, I felt
like I was gonna throw up.

This all closed up.

He said, this crowd,

they want you to do as
well as you wanna do.

They want you to succeed.

They're on your side.

I did it, but I know that I
probably, I didn't nail it.

Good for you.

I told him afterwards, I
never wanna do that again.

I mean, never.

(airplane whirring)

I started going down to Pike
Place when I was like 15, 16.

I saw somebody
out there busking.

I was like, oh, you
can just do this?

Got a permit and
busked down there.

And it was awesome.

Sometimes when I
was really shitty,

and not doing great,
nobody would ever stop.

But sometimes if
I closed my eyes

and like really got into
it, I would open 'em

and there'd be like 30
people standing there.

And it'd be such a rush.

My name's Brandi Carlile.

(audience cheering)

This is Tim Hanseroth
and this Phil Hanseroth.

And I used to busk right
here when the sun was out,

so here we are doing it today.

"Wherever's Your Heart?"

Yeah right.
Let's do it.

* I think it's time we
found a way back home *

* You lose so many things
you love as you grow *

* Wherever is your
heart I call home *

* Made me feel like I
was always falling *

* Always falling down
without a place to land *

* Somewhere in the distance
heard you calling *

* Oh it hurt so bad to
let go of your hand *

* Wherever is your
heart I call home *

* Wherever is your
heart I call home *

* I know your feet
may take you far *

* But me I know

* Wherever is your
heart I call home *

(audience cheering and clapping)

DAVE: It's funny, I never
made any association

with Seattle and
country music at all.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like in rural
Washington State,

sometimes you have the most
intense country music devotees

because they don't have
the proximity to the South.

But they kinda want to.

And so it's really intense.

There was a moment in the '90s

where there was a Western wear
store on every strip mall.

Karaoke bars exploding.

Little red hens dance night.

And everybody's
country band played.

You guys were playing
like 30 minutes from me

and I missed the whole thing.

(deep music)

DAVE: I remember when
I came up to Seattle,

Nirvana was doing a show
with another drummer.

* Come as you are

I get there to
this Nirvana show,

there's about 1,200 people.

Trailer park kids
with greasy long hair,

wearing clothes that
they bought at Fred Meyer

or the Salvation Army, flannels.

It already felt like there
was some sort of movement.

When I first heard
about Nirvana,

that he was joining
them, he called me

and told me he had to
go to Washington State.

He told me he was
moving in with them.

It's really early
in the morning.

I think it's about 8:30
or something, or 9:00.

And I haven't been asleep yet.

Kurt and I wouldn't go to sleep
until 9:00 in the morning,

as the sun was coming up.

And we'd wake up at
4:00 in the afternoon

as it was going down,

in this tiny little apartment
where I slept on a couch

that's half as long as me.

Once again, he didn't
call home to complain.

So I didn't know how bad it was.

Krist, Kurt and
David were probably

not your house and
garden kind of, renters.

They had no money.

They weren't eating
well that they were

living in squalor would
be the word for it.

That it was pretty bad.

I'm happy that I
got to experience

those few years in Seattle
where the city just exploded.

I lament that I missed
what was happening

in my backyard when
it was happening,

like in the nineties when

all my friends were listening
to the bands that you were in

and all of the bands
that I now worship,

and absorb and
learn so much from.

I could have gone to
some of those shows,

but wasn't interested.

I've experienced it through
retrospect and sadness (laughs)

(suspenseful music)

(birds chirping)

Anyone who's spent more
than one season in Seattle

knows that, there's practically
one season in Seattle.

Those hard, five or six months,

where you don't see sun.

You retreat to places
like basements, or bars.

And in that you develop
these little communities.

(chatter and laughter)

When you first met Brandy,

I mean, I can remember
the day that we met her.

And like a little bit later

like we bumped into
her in the studio,

and we just kinda hang out
for a few minutes and like

knew right away, like, "Oh,
she's our people, you know?"

What was that like the
late nineties or something?

Maybe 20 years ago, yeah.

(rock music)

They were in a, like
a metal rock band

called The Fighting Machinists.

So cute, covered in tattoos,
super handsome blonde hair,

that they were losing quick.

What Brandy is good
at doing is like,

you know. finding
people that can help

facilitate what she'd
like to accomplish.

But like she has like vision.

She sense something more and
could see something more.

I was like, "Come
to my house and,

I don't know like let's jam

or see if we can write
a song or something."

And they're so sweet.

So even though they were
grownups and I wasn't

they were like, "All
right, cool, man.

You know, we'll
come to your house."

We started singing
three-part harmony.

* Really breaks my heart

* To see a dear old friend

* Go down to the worn
out place again *

And it was crazy good,
and it was weird.

I'd been singing three-part
harmony my whole life,

you know, with my
mom and my brother

but nothing really
was ever like this.

* I wrapped your love
around me like a chain *

* But I never was afraid
that it would die *

* You can dance in a hurricane

* But only if you're
standing in the eye *

That doesn't happen, you know?

That we'd just hit it
off like immediately.

Like, "Oh yeah we're
siblings, we're best friends."

It's always felt
like really natural.

She was convinced that
her future was set

when she met the twins.

Like, hang up the phone,

we don't need anything else.

We have everything
we need right here.

I showed him my mom,
my mom was like,

"Oh my God, those guys are like,

they're out of this world,
they're extremely talented."

And I was like, "No, I know mom

I'm gonna get 'em to
like be in my band."

She was like, "Okay."

(laughter)

These are the twins, this
is our twin and Brandy.

Well, really this says it all.

This is exactly who we are.

(soothing music)

My grandfather was
this big kind of,

patriarchal figure
in the family.

He was really
happy all the time.

He was really good natured.

People just liked
being around him.

He really influenced
everyone in this family

to be who they are
and do what they do

in really different ways.

He liked to set people up
to succeed and help people.

My dad died of ALS in

Oh, dear.
1989.

(somber music)

You know, he got sick.

And I realized that

that, that music
was gonna go away.

And I wanted to,

record a song 'cause I knew
I couldn't do it in person.

I wanna sing "Amazing Grace"
to play at his funeral.

But I knew I wanted to play
it for him before he died.

And I'd gone to
the grocery store.

I was talking to the
gentleman in front of me.

And his church had
a recording studio.

He called me that night.

"I've got you all set up.

Come to the church
tomorrow at 11 o'clock."

Oh my.

And so I did it.

And it was terrifying,
these were people

I didn't know any of 'em.

But they were there to help me,

you know, do something
that's really important and,

the following day I
told him what I did.

And he just cried, I
mean he just cried.

No.

And then I played it for him.

Oh wow.

He was really proud.

My mom's dad left such
a void when he died.

And it sent her into a really
deep existential depression.

She made up her mind somewhere
in that deep dark space that

she was gonna come out
of it by doing music.

I went to the theater and

they had open auditions
and I thought,

"I'm gonna see what happens if,

you know, if they
think I'm good enough.

If I can do it."

And I auditioned and heck,

they put me in the
show right away.

Yeah, and it was terrifying.

Absolutely terrifying.

I'm telling you there
was never a night.

There's never a stage (mumbles)

that it wasn't terrifying.

It just never went away.

I was at a rehearsal one night.

I took my kids with me.

And a really cute little girl
went up and started singing.

And Brandy was sitting next
to me and she was just,

mesmerized.

And she, you know, she
asked me, she said,

"Do you think I could do that?"

And they let her in the
show the following week.

And that is all she wrote.

I just watched her, you know,

fall in love with music
right then and there.

Just fell in love with it.

We were part of the
Northwest Grand Ole Opry.

Auburn Avenue Dinner Theater.

There was an announcer, I
think like an Opry band.

And it just felt very big
to like an eight-year-old.

Wow.

Oh, this brings
back such memories.

It smells the same.

It does.

Hey man, how are you?

Hi.

How you been?

So good to see you.

You too.

It's weird being back.

It just feels so

Small.
Small.

It does feel small.
It does like,

I remember like at
the time it just felt

It does feel small.
It does like,

Like a really big deal.

You know, and it, was.

She looked forward to
nothing more than this.

This is where I came out on
stage for the very first time

and sang my very first song,

"Tennessee Flat Top ox."

I was eight years old.

That's when I heard applause
for the first time and there,

I absolutely knew

that I was never gonna
do anything else.

It's like,

kind of surreal.

WOMAN: I bet it is.

It's really surreal.

You should come up here too.

I know, I just,

the stage always
seems so much bigger.

I'ma try out your old moves.

(laughter)

Mine was this, for
a really long time.

This, no, it was this honey.

Yeah, or this.

* I want a hippopotamus
for Christmas *

Or my mom would be like,
"Walk the stage girl."

And I get my mic--
You walk that stage,

I would tell her.

* I don't wanna
be standing here *

* And I don't wanna
be talking here *

* And I don't really
care who's to blame *

(laughter)

* If love won't flow
on it's own free will *

* It's gonna catch
that outbound plane *

(laughter)

(background chatter)

When David was
first into Nirvana,

they were playing little clubs.

(rock music)

(telephone ringing)

He played, "Smells
Like Teen Spirit"

over the phone for me.

I didn't make the declaration.

"This is the band of the future.

This is the song of the year."

I didn't exactly do that.

But you could tell how
good they were right away.

* It's less dangerous

* Here we are now,
entertain us *

What I saw of Nirvana show,

where you destroyed all the
instruments at the end of it,

I was aghast.

After growing up with

not more than 10 cents
leftover each month,

I thought you knew that

one should not waste
valuable materials.

First of all, I didn't start it.

(laughter)

Okay.

They made you do it.

Nirvana was smashing
their instruments

before I joined the band.

Sometimes things wouldn't work.

So Kurt would,

be frustrated and
smash his guitar.

Nothing really ever
worked in that band.

Even after we became popular.

Yeah.
It was always something

a little bit broken.

There you go.

(thudding sound)
(cheering)

DAVE GROHL: Thank you
very much, good night.

MAN: Did you have a
rebellious teenage?

Did I have one?
MAN: Yeah.

I think my big rebellion was

my abandonment of country music.

(piano music)

I fell in love with Elton John

over a fifth grade book report.

And that's how I
found like, Bowie,

and Queen like Freddie Mercury.

* Part time love is
bringing me down *

* Cause I just can't
get started with you *

I wanted to be a really
flamboyant rock star and,

express myself in
bigger and louder ways.

And then my country music
childhood quickly morphed into

flamboyant Brit pop
and eccentricity.

(background chatter)

It got to the point where

I wanted to start
entering contests

and like competing for
scholarships and record deals

and stuff like that.

And all the other
girls will be doing

"I'll Always Love You."

You know, like big vocal songs.

And so I would come to
my mom, I'd be like,

"All right, here's the plan.

h*nky Cat" (laughs)

* When I look back

Mom, I wanna wear a white suit.

And I want sequins
all over my shoes.

I got a dance I'm gonna do
and really big sunglasses.

And honey, I don't know.

These girls are all wearing
like formal dresses and

their hair up.

My mom would be like,
"You're gonna lose.

Not only are you gonna lose,

you're gonna be in last place."

I can remember more than
one night sitting up,

hot glue gunning
rhinestones or fringe

or whatever you needed.

Mom would make my
sunglasses and stay up

and just try not to
tease me about being

whatever I was, you know?

Like okay, if that's what you
want, that's what we'll do.

And I lost every time.

(funky retro music)

I remember the first time
I got my heart broken

for being eccentric was,

I think I was eight and
I had this cowboy uniform

that I basically just
wore all the time.

To school, to my grandma's
house, to the grocery store,

and then wake up the next
day and wear it again.

My mom's like, "You
can't just wear that.

It's not--"
I remember saying,

My mom's like, "You
"That's not clothes."

It looks like a costume, honey.

I rode my bike down
to these girls' house

and their parents weren't home.

They said they
were drinking wine.

They were drinking water
out of wine glasses.

And we had candy and it was
like a very grownup hang, and,

man, I felt really cool.

It was like time for me to leave

and so I go downstairs
and open the door

and I was tryna
pull my boots on,

but, I lost grip of
the door and it closed

and they thought
that I'd gone out.

And they burst into
hysterical laughter.

And they were like,

"Is that not the biggest freak

you've ever seen in your life?"

And then I just remember like

slipping out the door and

going, "Okay, mom,

I'm gonna wear real clothes
for a little while."

It was a heartbreaking.

I think I was just so confident

that it just didn't
occur to me that

anybody would think I
was anything other than--

And that's what it was--

Awesome, like--

Because music is all
you ever thought of.

That's all you ever thought of.

Sweet minivan.

I don't know why I don't
have one of these things.

So the Paragon is a bar that
I used to play at in Seattle.

Randy started playing
at The Paragon

before she even had--
I'll tell you

when I get on I Five,
'cause I don't wanna go.

I used to have to
drive her every time.

Mom, you did not drive
me to The Paragon.

My girlfriend drove me to
The Paragon in her Jetta,

for God's sake.
I can't believe

you don't remember.

I drove you to The
Paragon many times.

* These days we'd go
to waste like wine *

I think that busking and
bars made me a better player.

The thing I attribute that to is

being somewhere
where it's your job

to make people pay
attention to you.

You know, and it's like

the gigs we do now,
it's a breeze, you know?

They're there to pay attention.

You don't have to do anything.

And they, and they're
happy to see you, you know?

But like,

busking and bars

you really learn what it is

that makes people
listen, you know?

Do I look the same?

MAN: How old were you there?

About 17.

MAN: When was the last
time you played here,

Last time I played here was,

the Sunday before we
signed our record deal.

And then I just didn't
show up the next Sunday.

I didn't call or anything.

(laughs) and the manager
called me and she was like,

"Where are you?" and I was like,

"Sorry, we got a record deal, so

I'm not coming back
to The Paragon."

I always wanted to apologize
for that because I just

I was so young and
I was just like,

"I'm not going back
to The Paragon now."

And then I toured the country,

playing places the size
of The Paragon (laughs)

MAN: What's the most
rebellious thing

That Brandy ever did?
MAN: yeah.

Cut her hair off.

Brandy had hair to
her butt, no joke.

And,

she asked me to go to the
mall with a friend one day.

I told you I was gonna do it.

No you did not.
Yes, I did.

No, you did not.

I told her I was going to.

I would not have flipped
out if I would have known.

I told you I was gonna
I todo it eventually.g to.

So I'm looking as
I'm sitting in front,

looking for her.

Her friends comes walking up.

Well somebody with
extremely short hair.

But cute.

You thought it was cute.

I loved your long hair.

I think it probably was
so obvious to my mom

from like two, three years old.

And I don't think it was
ever very nice for her.

She wanted to dress her little
girl up in dresses and bows

and ribbons and I just
was not having it.

I was miserable.

I was always so jealous
of my brother's clothes

and the fact that
he got to go fishing

and she struggled with it.

She never knew a g*y person.

I never knew a g*y person.

I never knew a g*y
person until I dated one.

She didn't ever say anything
that would be lasting

or hurtful, but it was
never like, "Oh, I'm so glad

that you've come out with this.

I'm so glad that," it was
always just kind of like,

"Oh, really uncomfortable
with her g*y thing."

I remember being
fearful for her.

It was awkward, you know.

I think it was probably until
I had my first girlfriend

and she saw how natural
and normal it was for me

to connect with a human
being like romantically

that she was like, "Okay, I'm
all in. Open arms, all in."

Just made some quiet
decision inside of herself

to not just support me
regardless, but to support me

because I was g*y.

But it took a minute.

(quiet talking)

We have such a supportive
family and our community.

They were supportive as well.

Small town, you wouldn't
think that for a second,

but they were.

And once I realized

that people just loved
her because she was Brandi

and I didn't have to fear for
what she might go through.

I was just happy that she got
to be who she wanted to be

and love who she wanted to love.

Now she's like the queen
g*y mom lady, you know.

All the lesbians want
her to be their mom.

(Brandi laughs)

(gentle guitar strumming)

So this is a love song
for Catherine, my wife.

I don't think I ever wrote
about love authentically

until I was with Cath.

Before that I always
wrote about heartbreak

and being forlorn a
little bit judgey.

A little bit serious.

* Last night I had the
exact same dream as you *

I met Catherine in
an interesting way.

She was all the
way over in the UK

reading about a thing I'd
started here in Seattle

called the Fight
the Fear campaign.

We taught women self-defense

in at-risk
communities for years.

Catherine read about it in
London, liked the concept,

and wanted to donate some cool
sh*t to help us raise money.

Like we started talking
over email and on the phone.

She was really, really,
really, really smart.

A lot of wisdom and depth.

And so for about a year or
more, I thought I was talking

to and corresponding
with a 65 year old woman.

She was just saying things

that made me think she
was older, you know.

"Oh, I'm going

to Cambodia with my
girlfriend," "The Indigo girls."

And she just seemed
like not 30. (chuckling)

So you can imagine
the contextual shock

when I saw her in
real life, you know,

she's a freaking knockout.

My age.

We started dating after
I met her in person.

I was so confused, you know,

but I had such respect for her
and that's never gone away.

* I belong to you now

Then we got married
before it was legal.

* I belong to you now

I'll never forget
when Domo went away.

It was fun to get to go in there

and get a real marriage license.

* I belong to you

* I belong to you

* I belong to you

* I belong to you

* I belong to you

* I belong to you

(lips smack)

(audience cheers)

So good news, Tiffany.

You don't have to come
to Vegas for the ACMs

to do my hair.

Yeah, Evangeline did it

and I think it
looks pretty good.

Like do you think it looks good?

I think it looks fabulous.

Oh yeah.

We both love kids

and we just kind of
wanted a little tribe

* Tethered to another and
you were it all the time *

So we did IVF.

Harvested my eggs and
Catherine carried.

So Evangeline's my egg

and then the second time

Elijah's Cath's egg
and Cath carried.

(Brandi laughs)

* She made me love the morning

* She's a holiday

I was feeling conflicted

about not caring Evangeline

and we're going to
these birthing classes

and they were a nightmare.

The instructor's job is
to like make the birth

mother feel really comfortable
and kind of exalted.

And then to make the dad
feel like a useless idiot.

I already felt like
a useless idiot.

A lot of that made me
just feel really masculine

and uncomfortable.

And at like the
third or fourth time

I think I just broke down
crying in the parking lot.

I was like, "I can't go in."

* But none of that
was ever who we are *

Then when Evangeline
was born, it continued.

The discomfort and the
not feeling anything

that I was supposed to feel.

And wondering if I was
worthy of that word "mother."

Who's that there?

And then somewhere around
two to three months,

something just shifted.

* I am a mother of Evangeline

* They still got
their morning paper *

* And their coffee
and their time *

And I think it shifted
when I started being honest

about how I felt because
then other people,

men, women, g*y people,

straight people, trans
people being like,

"Oh no I felt that way too.

I feel nothing."

You know, we just, we're
it's not honest about it.

Who says those things?

Not very many people.

I just thought

that it was really honest
of her and brave, really.

So I wrote this funny song

about this kind of
clunky awkwardness

of like not knowing
how to hold her

and not really wanting to

but then really
wanting to later on.

And that really helped me.

It made me realize that
like you can fall in love

with your child
in your own time.

* You're nothing short of
magical and beautiful to me *

* I will never hit the
big time without you *

* So they can keep
their treasure *

* And their ties
to the machine *

* I am the mother
of Evangeline *

Having to remind myself
at the end of every verse

I am the mother of Evangeline.

I didn't do this physical thing

and it took me a minute longer.

I wrote it as a
mantra for myself.

* I am the mother
of Evangeline *

You're a good mama.

All these gold and
platinum records

are from an assortment of years.

And so the first one

presented to Virginia Grohl,

was my Christmas present.

My first gold record I
gave to her for Christmas.

It was like crying and
that's a dream come true

for me to be able to do
that for her, but also

for her to see her
scrappy little dropout kid

give her a gold
record for Christmas.

I mean, it was really exciting.

When Nirvana was
becoming popular

and the world was just sort
of spinning out of control.

If I felt lost in that,
I would just go back

to my mom's house and
I would stay there

and I think it's
important for musicians

to rely on their family

because you're reminded of
so many things through that.

It's easy, really
easy, to get lost in

all of the crazy
peripheral stuff.

But if you make it a
point to remind yourself

of how you got there, who you
got there with, we were lucky

and are lucky to have such a
good bond, you know, together.

And without that, it might've
been a different story.

(quiet music)

After Kurt died, I just
wanted to disappear.

Not only were we going
through the trauma of

something as terrible

as a friend committing suicide,

but we had to deal
with it publicly.

Well, I think a
lot of the return

to the house in Virginia

was doing it together

instead of with the
rest of the world.

Yeah.

I remember having a
conversation on the couch

where we talked
about that stuff.

You know, you have a good
intuition on what someone needs

and when they need it.

And it was good, you
know, it's comforting.

Before I met Cath and
before I had kids,

home Brandi and like road
Brandi were really different.

I liked being like dark
and taking sleeping pills

and getting sick and taking
steroids and not eating anything

and being rail thin, having
all these relationships

with these girls and these
middle of the night phone calls

and all this like intense,
dark artists' stuff.

And then I would
come home and it'd be

like time to barbecue and
garden and go fishing,

and hang out with my
mom and dad and siblings

or nieces and nephews, and
like this more domestic,

more cheerful and like earthy,
grounded part of myself.

And I'd go back on the
road and I'd be like,

"Oh, I'm dark again."

And I just slowly had
to start integrating

and honoring both
of those people.

(upbeat guitar music)

And when I met Cath, we
started traveling together

and she started being like
no more sleeping pills.

And if you get sick,
you don't take steroids.

You cancel your show.

* A long, long time ago

That was a big wake up for me

because I did cancel
a couple of shows

and realized that
the earth still spun

like it was supposed to.

* How these days grow long

Because we were a
really close family

it was sort of a natural
progression to stick together.

She needed somebody to
do her hair and makeup.

I go on tour with her.

I go to every single show,
every single performance.

And then eventually I
fell in love with Phil,

her bass player after they
had been playing together

for a long time, and
we have two children.

And then Tim got married
and then his wife,

Hannah, became our sister.

Next thing you know

we've all got two kids.

They don't even know whether

they're brothers or
sisters or cousins.

We all live on one property

and we're integrated
and we're happy.

Nobody's dark anymore

but we still write dark,
f*cked up songs, you know,

because you can do everything
better when you're happy

even write sad songs.

My mom, she travels
with us all the time.

She comes because she
wants to experience

the things that we're seeing.

* How I miss you when I
just want to kiss you *

* And I'm gonna love
you till my dying day *

My mom's love for country music

and just for my success
and my life is like,

it's intense.

She's been there pretty
much every step of the way.

* How these days grow old

(audience cheers)

(calm music)

VIRGINIA: Perhaps
there was a lesson

in their story about resiliency.

About the power of
music to restore

even when it looks
like all is lost.

When Nirvana ended
so shockingly,

David came home to family

but it took a while for
the music to return.

When it did it had
more power than ever.

And it goes on.

BRANDI: When I played my
first gig at the Ryman,

I flew my mom in.

She waited till we
got to our hotel room

and I was sitting on
the bed and she was,

she was in the mirror
doing something.

And she said, "Mom,
we got 20 minutes

till we got to go
down for soundcheck."

And I said, "Okay."

And she goes, "But
don't get mad."

And that just, that brings
out the worst in me.

When one of my kids
says, "Don't get mad."

I know I'm in for it.

"Mom, the band's been practicing

and everybody knows but you.

You're singing tonight."

And then I started the
ugly cry and I was like,

"No, I'm not."

She goes, "You're
gonna have to mom.

You have to, you can't
back out of this one.

You'll never forgive yourself."

She said something to me though,

right before I went on stage.

I don't know if
you remember this.

She said, "Look out there, mom.

Those people they want you to do

as well as you want to do."

And she said, "And
even if you don't

they're still gonna love you."

(audience cheers)

* Amazing Grace

* How sweet the sound

But it's one of the
only times in my life

that I ever stepped on a
stage and I wasn't scared.

I mean, I wasn't scared.

* Like me

BRANDI: That was the ghosts
of the Ryman, for you.

* Like me

BRANDI: That was
Patsy and Tammy.

It was.

It was up there with
having my children.

It was huge for me.

It was really special.

That was, you played
the grand Ole Opry, man.

You played the Ryman..

* But now I see

(audience cheers)

BRANDI: And they gave
her a standing O.

She nailed it.

* You're feeling nervous
aren't you boy? *

* With your quiet voice

* And impeccable style

* Don't ever let
them steal your joy *