01x05 - Exploring New Market

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

That is pure garbage. No, excuse me.

I didn't have dinner, patrón.

Yeah, well, that's not my fault, okay?

Listen to me-- I can't always

let you eat junk food, man.

I mean, what the? Potatoes?

Do you want a heart attack?

Dude, stop it, stop it.

No, don't make me slap the hand.

I'm sorry, we're not taking that.

-I want them

-I understand. Here you go.

Of course you should eat something.

-Here you go

-Apples hurt my teeth.

First of all, inside voice.

Second of all, your teeth hurt

because you're always eating sugar.

Plus, we have an excellent dental plan,

cabrón.

Okay, why am I paying for it?

Why are you arguing with me

in front of people?

Okay, thank you so much.

Don't get sulky with me, cabrón.

Okay? I don't like a sourpuss.

-Patrón, I'm hungry.

-I can be the bad guy.

I don't care, but it's for your own good.

I can be the bad guy, you know?

You'll thank me later.

Sí, sí, sí, sí.

Seatbelts, please.

-Cabrón!

-And thank you.

Seatbelts, please and thank you.

Okay? We're not animals.

KISS FM 98.1, please.

The oldies, you know I like that.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

I'm scared.

I know. Me, too. I love you.

Save me.

Shh. It's okay.

-Save me

-Shh, I got you.

I got you.

-No puedo.

-Thank you for trying.

Sí.

Thank you for trying.

Don't cry, my love.

Listen, we did it.

We reached our dream.

I don't regret a single step

of this journey with you.

Oh, honey, your hands are so cold.

Well, y-you're not touching my hand,

sweetie.

What? What?!

-Oh, no! Dead

-Dead hands? Dead hand?!

Excuse me, do you know there's

someone else back here?

Someone dead!?

Oh. Oh, yes, I'm very aware.

Thank you very much. Yeah.

Coincidently, it's the reason

why Javi's a little cranky poo.

You know, eh, he was gonna

have to dig one hole,

and now it's three, so

you can understand, I'm sure.

Rest easy, my love!

We've had big, full lives.

Yes, but no one will ever see our video.

I mean, all that work

and we'll never get to submit it.

That's what haunts me.

Uh, excuse me, up in the front.

Uh, yes, you in the back.

Is there any chance you made

a copy of our video,

maybe just, you know, for posterity?

Oh, you mean the last evidence

of you two alive?

Um, I don't think I'd like

to have that in my possession.

Thank you very much.

Like, what am I, stupid?

No, no, no. So, no. The answer is no.

No, that's gone.

We have a crew stripping

the house right now.

-They're burning the computers.

-Oh

Oh, God!

If an artist dies before

the world gets to see his masterwork,

is he truly an artist?

Listen to me.

I saw your art.

I see the artist.

And I see you.

And I see you, my love.

You can't see f*cking sh*t

with those bags on your heads!

Shut up.

Javi, cabrón, too much, man.

-Find your center, like we talked about.

-Mm-hmm.

And deep breath, okay?

Uno, dos y tres.

I'm not hearing your breath, Javi.

There we go.

That's a release.

Out of the car!

Let's go.

No. No. No! No!

No, no, n-no!

Please, no. No!

I love you!

I love you.

You know, I like my house.

I do, but I don't love my house.

The only reason why

I bought it to begin with

was because of all the windows.

Look, windows everywhere.

Somehow, never any natural light.

So frustrating.

Explain that to me, you know?

And "Flow"?

When you walk into a place,

and you feel, like, an energy,

like, a vibe, like

-Feng shui.

-Feng shui, yes!

The feng shui has always been very jerky.

Not into it.

Oh, huh.

Oh, and you best believe

I want a wine cellar.

A big one with one of those,

you know, bottle openers

that you press the button,

and it comes out--

you got me hooked, mister.

Eh, pardon me, Mr.?

How rude of me. I'm so sorry.

Diego-- please call me Diego.

-Yes, uh, Diego.

-Mm-hmm.

Why are you telling us this?

Ah!

Because that, cabrón,

is how you're gonna pay me back the money

that you stole from me.

-With interest.

-You want us to

hop on over to the Pottery Barn

and get you a wine opener?

No, silly.

You're gonna renovate my house.

I-I-I don't understand.

Do you realize what you did?

You renovated a meth lab

an abandoned meth lab.

And you made that place into paradise

for $500,000.

Grand scheme of things?

That's not a lot of money, you know?

I mean, you still have

to pay it back, of course.

But I thought to myself,

what could these gringos do

with a real budget

and a house with good bones?

You know dream with me.

You know, let's envision.

-Let's envision this.

-Uh-huh.

Ah

Okay

so we renovate your house and

then you let us live?

Like, to be perfectly honest, like, maybe.

It depends on how good your design is.

Uh, hey, what's that game

that they should be playing?

No, don't tell me. No

Design It or Die!

I can't take credit.

That was all Javi,

and that was a good one.

Can I talk to you a minute, carnal?

Oh, excuse me, please. Of course.

One minute, one minute. Over here

We have to figure out

a way to get out of this.

-He's gonna k*ll us.

-We can't run--

that big, tall, skinny one's

staring right at us.

Just shh, just shh.

Pull it together.

Forgive me. How rude.

So, what do you say--

are you ready to play

Flip it and Gone with Cricket and Jann?

Understand, the "gone" part

does not apply to you.

You're never leaving México.

We're in Mexico?

Oh!

Muchachos, how rude.

Bienvenidos a México.

Welcome.

Thank you

-Gracias.

-De nada.

So what do you think?

Be honest with me. I can take it.

Um

I-I'm sorry.

Watch your pinkies, watch your pinkies,

watch your pinkies!

I need these hands, you know,

for-for my purposes.

Well, for starters, you're gonna

want to get rid of this gravel,

and put in a proper driveway.

It's like telling your guests to f*ck off.

Oh!

Want better energy flow?

You're gonna want to get rid

of these monstrosities.

These shutters give me diarrhea.

Where are you living, Shreveport, huh?

Is they a hurricane a-comin'?

Whoa, wow

My God, it's better than the show.

It is better than the show.

Single-pane windows?!

Are you sh1tting me?!