01x09 - Expanding Your Brand

[bunniefuu]

Give me a break

Jann!

Jann!

Cricket, do you have a decision on?

Not now, Beatriz!

She has a paint line!

-Who?

-Tiffany

Fake-a*s, Fraud, Bullshit,

Huckster Connelly, that's who.

There was a giant display

at the Fair & Square Hardware.

You are sh1tting me!

Satan has won, Jann!

There was a huge cardboard cutout of her

and a million swatches of paint

on the endcap!

The entire endcap?

Oh, I'm pissed off!

I'm pissed at Tiffany Connelly!

I'm pissed at Diego!

And, frankly, I'm pissed off at you!

Slow your roll, girl!

We're on the same side!

Are we?

Because you seem to be spending

an awful lot of time

with Cartel Garfunkel.

Well, I'm so sorry

that someone aside from you

is being recognized

for their creative gifts.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means that you've been taking credit

for all of our work!

You know that I put

the bunting on that tapestry!

You know that I picked the upholstery

for the bedroom divan!

Are you telling me you get hurt feelings,

so you run off

and do a love ballad with the boss?

At a f*cking quinceañera?

I will not apologize for my performance.

Rumualdo and I have a creative connection,

so don't cheapen it

with your tawdry insinuations.

Mmm.

Should I be insinuating?

Or is there something you need to tell me?

I don't know what's going on with you.

With us, you know?

But I need you, Jann.

I need you, too.

-I can't do this without you.

-No.

Look what this place is doing to us.

They keep throwing

all these shiny things at us,

distracting us from what's important.

Distracting us from our destiny.

Well, I won't let that happen to us.

Me, neither.

Color is so important to Chazz and me.

Exciting reds, calming blues--

they mean so much to us.

That's why we are so excited to announce

our partnership with Home Renovation TV

and Fair & Square Hardware

for our new line of premium paints

and hand-crafted stains.

We know you'll find your truest expression

with Color by Connelly.

Available now at Fair & Square Hardware.

And don't forget the season premiere

of Pros & Connellys.

How do you hand-craft a stain,

you f*cking twit?

They have an empire!

Corporate partnerships, media stardom.

And we're stuck down here

working for drug dealers!

-Shh!

-Well, we're trapped.

How are we supposed

to even take the first step

when nobody sees our work

but-but cartel th*gs

and all the Tijuana brass?

-Honey, hold on.

-We should've just

let them bury us in the desert.

That would have been a more decent ending

than just wasting away down here!

-Cricket!

-What?!

Look!

No, but the contest is over.

Well, it's over in the U.S

but they just started a new one.

And they're taking entries from Mexico.

We're in Mexico.

Yeah.

No, no, that's crazy!

That can't be right.

Oh, it's not crazy, my love.

This is our old friend destiny

putting a blanket over our shoulders.

Inviting us to warm ourselves by the fire.

But-but they destroyed our video,

you know?

What would we even submit?

I'll tell you what!

A brand-spanking-new video.

Of our latest masterpieces--

Diego's, Rumualdo's, the Ortegas'.

We sh**t it all.

They'll k*ll us.

Aren't we already dead?

If we do this

we do it together.

When I said, "Till death do us part,"

I meant it.

Flip It and Gone with Cricket and Jann

is the phoenix-- it will always

rise from the ashes.

Oh, but how would we even sh**t it?

They took our phones--

Here we are.

Hello, new friend.

Oh, sh**t, sh**t, sh**t!

This tile is too large for this space.

Oh, sweetie, I told you to measure it.

Yeah, I-I thought I had.

But, uh, you know, I'll definitely

-need my tile cutter.

-Mm-hmm.

Uh, could you be a dear

and please hand it to me?

Oh, honeybun, you know what?

-What?

-We left it at Diego's house.

Oh, rats!

Oh, no, no!

Yeah. Hey, Marco?

Would you be a lamb

and run over to Diego's house

to pick up our tile cutter that we so

do need for this project?

Yeah, sure.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Okay, move.

What a sucker.

I know.

For the master bathroom we wanted to give

the clients a spa-like experience,

so we went with

aqua and gold color scheme.

We put in an infrared sauna,

and we installed a Venetian marble tub

with 24-karat accents.

Now on a personal note,

we commissioned this mosaic,

utilizing rocks

from a nearby quarry.

We really think the client

is gonna love this piece of art,

as it symbolizes his personal journey.

Now, just

-follow us over here.

-Okay.

-Uh-huh, that's good.

-And

Ta-da!

Well, what do you think?

First impressions?

First impressions of what?

Your new living room!

It's not my living room.

It's not my house.

This the first time

you're seeing it, so

how does it look?

I don't know.

Fine.

Javi?

How does it look in comparison

to how it looked before?

-Right.

-Before, yeah.

-Different

-Mm.

-I guess.

-Okay!

Well, hold on, hold on.

Is there anything that you like about it,

like, specifically?

Yeah, I mean,

what's jumping out at you, huh?

Are you falling in love

with anything, huh?

-Yeah

-I don't know.

The paint?

Okay

Yeah, the paint's great.

The paint's great

That chair is cool,

I guess.

-Yeah, okay.

-Yeah.

-Listen, I got sh*t to do.

-Yeah.

Yeah, sorry, Javi. Thank you, thank you.

You two need to keep it quiet.

-Uh-huh.

-Jefe's getting a massage.

Yeah, no problemo.

We're gonna vamanos, bye.

That whole thing was a bust.

He was terrible on camera.

Well, we all can't be Cricket Melfi.

I'm erasing the whole thing.

-Oh, yeah, that was a stinker.

-Yeah, let's see

What is this?

Is that Rumualdo?

-He looks so young.

-Yeah.

Please, Rumualdo!

I beg you, I beg you! I will pay you back!

You're paying me back right now.

No!

What should we do?

Wh--? I don't know. What can we do?

Well, we have to do something.

Maybe Marco?

-Marco?

-Yeah.

You think he has better

screen presence than Javi?

A wet fart has better

screen presence than Javi.

-Good point.

-We just saw that.

Besides, Marco is a big fan of our work.

He has always been very complimentary.

And he has great cheekbones for TV.

Marco!