01x06 - bad connection

[bunniefuu]

You've been using

all my damn sketchpads.

I don't know what I'm gonna paint on.

Yeah, consider it rent.

It's not rent It's sketchpads.

All right, well, I would like rent.

I keep seeing you.

Who the hell are you?

Who, Kev? No, he's just

'Cause I'm charging rent

for one person.

If there's two of you,

I'm charging more.

Did you not get groceries yesterday?

Oh, yeah, I started to,

but then I didn't.

It's just I paint,

and, you know, I'm trying

to get my name out there

Word? Yeah, that art world can be cold.

Damn, you're either cold, indecent,

or throwing a tantrum.

Oh, you got the tantrum today!

Stop it! No!

Not my grandma's Obama mug!

Ah, sh*t! Really?

The mug? Over Gina?

Yes, over Gina!

I told you I don't want

to hear the word "Gina" again!

You just said Gina m*therf*cking Gina.

Gina! Gina!

It's too early for this sh*t.

It really is.

Don't you walk away from me!

If I leave, I'm taking the cat.

It's my cat!

Why don't we let her decide, then, huh?

Why would we let her decide?

You never support my ideas!

You hate your mom!

Don't tell me what I hate!

You sound like my mom when you do that.

Get back here.

Don't point that sh*t at me, woman.

You cheated on me.

And I admitted that sh*t

Kevin!

Yo.

The f*ck?

How can you sleep through that?

Sleep through what?

The new neighbors.

They were yelling before.

What do you want me to do, man?

Call the cops.

Kev, look, we got to

reestablish some ground rules.

I'm out of toothpaste,

toilet paper, trash bags.

Every time I buy food, it vanishes.

Can you just text me?

No, I can't just text

I think this is better verbally.

Also, can you not

spam text me overnight?

It freaks me out when I wake up

to 18 unread messages.

I talk in short bursts.

Kev, look, I'm happy that you're here.

This is you, happy?

Your shrink sucks.

I mean, look at this place.

It's a disaster.

And I'm sorry, I've asked you

not to use my Street Fighter blanket.

All right, well,

it's a blanket, and I was cold.

And it's not just the blanket.

You keep using the monogrammed napkins

I got from my cousin Dylan's wedding.

Monogrammed nap what, you

about to host a Oscar party?

They napkins, bro.

Dylan and I have the same initials.

When is he gonna have

spare napkins again?

Lord knows. I

I just need you to add value.

All right, damn. Your breath stinks.

You know what would solve that?

Toothpaste.

What you want me to do, man?

Okay, if you want to help,

I finally got an appointment

to get the Internet fixed today.

The guy's supposed to come

any time from ten to one.

But from experience,

that could be up to 16 hours.

All right, yeah, I'll be here.

But I got that art dealer dude, Terry,

coming by to come check

out my work, so

So you'll wait for the guy?

Yeah, I will. All right.

But just to be clear, I'm

trying to get off this couch.

Kev, I don't want you

to get off the couch.

I want you to do well today

and achieve your dreams

and then get off the couch.

- But all the dream stuff first.

- Mm-hmm.

Okay, good, luck, man,

I am rooting for you.

All right.

All right.

What?

I'm sorry, I would like the blanket.

The the Street Fighter blanket.

Friendship is never

having to say you sorry,

but you say that sh*t anyway.

So, Kevin, you got a buzzer,

but you still got to walk

downstairs to let people in.

This place is a real sh*thole.

Very edgy upbringing. I like it.

Upbringing?

Yeah, you're, what, 17?

Hey, yeah,

but a lot older.

- Yeah.

- Um

thank you for coming by.

- I appreciate it.

- Sure, man.

I mean, I love helping

young artists break in.

You know what I mean? That's what I do.

You know, I found Titus Kaphar,

you know?

- Dope.

- You break an artist that big,

it kind of flies in the face

of the whole

"trust fund party boy" image

which I know I give off,

but, really, I'm much more than that.

I believe you.

Oh, my God. Is this you?

Yep.

Ah, this is great.

See, you're versatile, too.

This is great,

but in a different way from the

sketch you did of Drew's niece.

Wait, that's why you reached out?

- Drew showed you my sh*t?

- Well, he didn't show it to me.

I saw him rolling up on it,

but you captured her beautifully.

I don't actually know

what she looks like,

but the sketch was so good,

it made me feel like I knew, you know?

Yeah, that's real.

So you think I got a

real shot at making it?

Absolutely.

I love this piece.

It's all about identity

and the simultaneous

destruction and commodification

of African American Black bodies.

Exactly. You see it.

Yeah, I know a couple

major gallery owners

- who would love your work.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I no idea how to connect

with the people who can help me.

I just make the art.

That's where I come in, my man.

I'm the connector.

Hey.

Hey.

What's happening?

Nitrous.

I tried doing one

in the Uber over here.

The driver was not having it.

I'm like, "Dude,

it's just a transient gas

that they give you at the dentist,"

albeit without medical supervision.

I hate when people act like

all drugs aren't medicinal, you know?

Hit that. Hit that.

- What?

- Hit that. Hit it.

f*ck is this?

Aw, aw.

sh*t is good, right?

Yeah.

I can get you meetings,

but you're gonna need

a space to show

someplace gritty.

What the hell is this?

A replacement for Gina.

I don't want a new one I want Gina!

It's a f*cking turtle!

- But it's not Gina.

- Jesus Christ!

I'm going back to bed.

I can't win with you, ever!

Grittier than this?

I mean, like, cool gritty.

This is more depressing gritty.

If I can get you a meeting

with a curator,

can you get a space?

Maybe.

I haven't eaten in, like, three days.

What do you got?

This is, like,

a pre-intervention fridge.

Rock bottom's an empty pickle jar.

You're close.

Let's go to a café.

- Right now?

- Yeah.

You got to help me describe

your work so I can sell you.

I want to do a deep dive,

and I'd rather hear it in your words,

but I love your range.

Your work's clearly heavily inspired.

You know, we always

try and put an artist in a box,

but it's the unpredictability

that keeps the viewer engaged,

in my humble opinion.

Anyway, come on, let's go eat.

Look, man, I got to wait

on this Internet dude.

You can't avoid me.

Get your a*s out here!

Me avoid you? Your attachment style

is dismissive avoidant

I read the book!

It's not my fault. It's my trauma!

Yeah.

I don't like all this yelling

about turtles

and attachment styles.

I'm gonna go eat.

You don't have to come.

I get it if you care more

about the Internet guy

than your future.

Wait, hold on.

I'm gonna get somebody to cover.

You got Kareem.

Yo, bro, can you do me a favor?

Yo, man, can we wait outside?

This sh*t is freaking me out.

All right, hey, Kareem, man,

can you come over to the crib?

It's an experience!

I swear to God,

every day you get dumber and dumber.

Take that back! Take it back right now!

You're gaslighting me!

You don't even know

what that word means!

Yes, I do!

You almost convinced me I didn't know!

Even that's a gaslight!

Domestic disputes before lunchtime?

And a turtle in the hallway.

This is a crazy-a*s building.

Hmm.

Mm. Eh.

You are the devil!

My friends don't even like you!

g*dd*mn struggle house.

"Dear son, in case you ran out,

I got you more of my Ashwagandha

for your d*ck problem.

I know you said your problem

wasn't d*ck-related,

but just in case you was lying

Love, Mom and Dad.

P.S. Your building

has a turtle infestation."

What did I just eat?

Bad-milk-having m*therf*cker.

I can't believe them boys

ain't got a g*dd*mn square

of toilet paper!

You didn't want him,

so I put him in the hallway.

He's gone now! I looked everywhere!

Nah.

Okay, D.J.

Oh, damn! That's the Internet!

One minute! I'm gonna be right out!

Don't go anywhere, Internet!

Sorry I'm late. The Internet's out.

I'm on my dumb hotspot

that's tougher to

I don't care, be late.

This is your damn therapy session.

Cut in, cut out. It's your time.

Go to sleep if you want to, okay?

You know I don't care.

Kevin left and missed the technician.

Who's Kevin?

Oh, ah.

Couch dude.

Uh, yeah, well, his name is actually

And who's Jen?

Jess.

Oh, yeah, I have her down

here as "boss b*tch."

Can you write down her real

name, 'cause it's Jess

No, Dan, I already wrote down

"boss b*tch."

Come on, don't make me waste ink.

Okay, okay. Boss b*tch.

All right, so what She Black?

- Latina.

- Mmm.

You know my husband's Puerto Rican.

That's cool. Yeah, a lot of people are.

Anyway, we had one night

where we started to hook up,

but then I fell asleep,

and then a couple days later,

she said she wants

to keep it professional.

But I don't know,

I think she might still like me.

Nah, you blew it. All right?

And at this point,

you're just wasting time.

You're wasting her time,

wasting your time,

and you wasting my time.

I didn't even want to get into Jess.

I meant to talk about couch dude.

- There's tension.

- So kick his a*s out!

No, I don't want to do that.

Yeah, 'cause you can't be alone.

Kevin is different.

We've been close since we were kids,

he wanted to move to New York

to pursue his art,

- and I wanted to help.

- Ah.

There go Dan "can't be alone,

white superhero,

Captain Save a n*gga."

That's not my nickname. I

I'm just being nice to an old friend.

Mm-hmm, well, I'm gonna make

a note for you to consider,

like, why you are exclusively

around Black people.

Now, the first word that comes

to mind is "fetishizer,"

and the second word is "colonizer."

I mean, that's not, like, a choice.

Or it's not thing I'm seeking.

I don't I don't know.

It just happened.

Oh, yeah? Dan, are you crazy?

Let's count them down, all right?

You got Kenny the couch n*gga,

you got your step-daddy,

you got this little girl

you keep giving A's to

for whatever reason,

you got the drug dealer.

You work at an almost all-Black school.

Then there's me.

Now, I know why you need me.

But the rest of these n*gg*s,

Dan, they got to go.

Now that you point it out,

it me a pattern

from when I was younger.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, sh*t, hey.

Consider this sh*t on your own time.

The last thing I want to do

is sit here listening

to your a*s brainstorm.

Go figure it out and then come back.

- Okay, understood.

- And you know what?

I'm shocked that the boss

b*tch you ain't f*cking

ain't Black.

I mean, she is brown, for the record.

- Could we just discuss Kevin?

- Sure.

Let's talk about why you said yes

when he asked to stay with you.

I-I asked him to stay.

What?

You invited him?

Yeah, it's not in his

nature to ask for help.

Uh, no, but it is

in your corny-a*s nature

to invite somebody to stay with you

and then resent them for being there.

Why is that, Dan? Examine.

I we-we have a connection

since, like, 8th grade, you know?

Like, when he was over at my house,

it was just

he wasn't my protector exactly,

but sh*t was just

less ugly with him around.

And now it's ugly with him around.

Not ugly, exactly.

I'm just feeling like

I'm just feeling like

he's not appreciating me

or anything I might need.

Like, it sounds little,

but all this sh*t adds up.

Like, we're out of everything.

Oh, so you like having people

around that you can control,

huh, Dictator Dan?

No, that's All these nicknames.

I'm neither a superhero nor a dictator.

I'm just guy who's trying to figure

No, you're a guy who

likes to fight losing battles

and then resent it

when it's not perfect.

And it never is!

Life never is!

That's actually really insightful.

You got a lot of nerve to act like

you surprised at my expertise.

You know what? This what you need.

You need a white therapist.

Mm-hmm, no, you need somebody

to give you that bullshit,

that that, "Oh, my God, Dan,

how you doing?

How are your parents?"

All that sh*t bores me, okay?

And if you want to pay

more to get coddled

be my guest.

I don't want to be coddled,

and I don't want to pay more.

- Okay, so real talk.

- Okay.

All right?

You are in a endless cycle

of, like, false superiority

and self-loathing, all right?

Stand up for yourself

and kick the m*therf*cker out.

Just see what it feels like

to have ba*ls for once, Dan!

Ball

Dr. Flowers?

Yerr!

Hey, yo, there's a turtle

in the stairwell, you seen it?

g*dd*mn rush to fight!

You are a lunatic!

We can't keep putting off ICE

until the next day!

She got a point.

Oh, God! Tomorrow, please!

Let's just discuss this tomorrow.

But I'm still mad

at you for other things.

Bro, I miss Lester.

Yo, Kev, can you help me understand

this note I found when I got home?

"Sorry we missed you."

Dude, I asked for your help,

and now, look, therapy's frozen.

I mean, I left,

but I called Kareem over.

I don't know what happened.

Oh, big shock, Kareem f*cked up.

He never even set up Internet

at my mom's place.

She says he's an AM radio guy.

Dude, I waited on hold

for hours for that appointment.

I need this for work.

I'm sorry, Dan. sh*t.

What you want me to do? f*ck.

I'm sorry

I was seizing an opportunity,

that thing that you

encouraged me to do,

and instead of asking me how it went,

you yelling about Internet.

Okay, yeah. I'm sorry.

How'd it go?

I don't know. I think it went well.

Terry said he might link me

with this curator, but

I couldn't really tell

what he was saying sometimes.

I think it was the nitrous.

He was high as sh*t.

Why were you doing

nitrous in a business

What?

Bruh, you pop a Xanny

to wake up in the morning.

Don't judge.

And I wasn't doing it. It was Terry.

I'm not mad at this.

I like a break.

One sec, Dr. Flowers.

I'd like some privacy.

Stop giving him so much Xanax.

Did you see that?

He's totally unappreciative

of me, my needs,

and I totally support Kevin,

and he doesn't care at all.

That's not true.

Uh, Kenny,

bring your Black a*s in here.

We don't

We don't need Kevin to

we don't need Kevin to come in.

Really?

Yeah, really!

You can't complain about the n*gga,

let him defend himself.

Okay, he says I don't care about him,

but that's not true.

He act like I don't buy

healthy food for him,

- That's bread isn't healthy.

- In small amounts it is.

He act like I don't get drugs for him.

He act like I don't support

his sad-a*s coaching dream.

I do a lot. In my opinion, I do a lot.

I just feel like I deserve more.

I just want some basic respect

and consideration.

Bro, I show it in real ways.

Dan on some bullshit about

toothpaste and trash bags.

You chose the wrong white friend.

But don't worry about it, okay?

I can fix this in five minutes,

if Dan would kindly get

his head from up his a*s.

- Right.

- Now listen up

Dr. Flowers?

Hey, yo, can you hear us?

No, she can't. It's frozen.

How you know?

That's just how technology works.

- Control, alt, delete.

- No, what are you doing?

Look, we don't even need her

to fix this sh*t.

It's so minor,

we could do it ourselves.

Fine. I feel like you don't appreciate

any of the sh*t I've done for you.

Okay, and I feel like

you wanting credit

every five seconds make me

feel like you keeping score.

Bro, I've been there for you

since we was kids.

What, like I owe you?

Like, you saved my life

a million years ago,

and now I'm indebted to you forever?

I'm not saying you indebted to me,

but you could be showing

some appreciation.

You're showing me zero, dude,

and you're staying here for nothing.

I didn't ask you

to sleep on your couch.

You the one that said,

"Follow your dreams."

You the one that said,

"Come sleep on my couch."

You the one that said that I

could stay as long as I needed.

- Okay.

- You said that.

I said that, and I believed that,

but then you could at least try

to make my life easier,

but the sh*t you're doing

makes my life more difficult.

Bro, you're biggest problem

is the Internet.

I'm trying to figure out my whole life.

Yeah, so am I,

and it's tough to do when

I'm worried about bullshit.

And to be honest, I'm worried

about bigger sh*t, too.

Like that Drew tornado

that's just been unleashed

on our lives.

I lied to Jess, I've given Zayna A's,

I've risked my job,

I'm scared of this guy,

and I'm at the game,

and I look up in the stands

and see you sitting with him

like you're best friends.

Bro, Drew is not that bad.

He is that bad.

He's a dangerous drug dealer.

And every time

we can get away from him,

you seem to do something

to bring us closer.

I'm telling you, dude,

if you hang around

bad people long enough,

bad sh*t is gonna happen.

Bad sh*t happen

around good people, too.

You're not making sense.

He almost k*lled you.

Do you remember that?

I remember. The f*ck

So can you give me

one redeemable quality about this guy?

One.

He linked me with Terry.

What?

Yeah, Drew liked my art,

and he linked me with Terry.

I'm not saying he a saint,

but he not all bad.

You took help from Drew?

You never ask for my help.

'Cause I'm living on your couch already

and you keep score.

If I ask for your help,

you gonna be like,

"I did this for you,

I did that for you.

And I" Like, that's what you do.

What'd I miss? I bet nothing.

You actually did miss something.

It turns out Kevin met this art dealer

through the drug dealer

who's been menacing both of us.

- So what?

- Exactly.

Every time I try to

make you happy, it backfires!

Forget it, I'm done with this sh*t,

I'm gonna tell them

the truth at the hearing.

Who the hell is that?

- It's our neighbors.

- What hearing?

I don't know.

Can we get that fix to

our problem that you mentioned?

Shh, shh, shh. Shut up, Dan.

I'm hearing some good sh*t here.

You do that,

and I'll tell them

I paid you to marry me!

Ooh. Ooh!

Thank you, Jesus!

Finally, some better sh*t than yours.

This sound like a green card

case is a-brewing over there.

That's some heavy sh*t now.

m*therf*cker,

you still owe me eight grand!

You think I don't know what you doing.

You trying to make me love you

so you don't got to pay me the rest!

I'd rather get deported

than do this sh*t one more second.

And jail would be a step up for me.

Take me over there, Dan.

I don't think we should

get involved, Dr. Flowers.

I'm getting involved.

This is some serious sh*t.

It's heavy now.

You come, too, Kenny.

Wait, why-why do you

want Kenny to come?

'Cause you're my golden goose, Dan.

Kenny, bring your a*s to protect him.

He gonna need a Black body over there

to absorb the impact.

Yo, clown!

I can't knock on the door my

Can you knock?

Jeez, I got to tell

this n*gga everything.

- What?

- Hi, my name is Dan

Yeah, I know you. You live next door.

You're a teacher and wannabe coach.

- I actually did coach a game.

- And you.

You watch porn loud during the day.

True.

Well, it's great to meet in person.

Uh, my therapist

would like a word with you.

Yo, sis, go get your man,

I want to help y'all out.

Help me out? Okay, sis.

Um, hey!

Come here for a second.

Neighbor's got his shrink

on the laptop.

Yeah, I got a deep voice.

What?

Uh

This is Dr. Flowers. She has a degree.

All right, Dan, shut the f*ck up.

I'm sorry, excuse me, y'all.

He don't really know me.

But I'm here to help y'all, okay?

Now, I need the four of y'all

to listen up.

Now, it's very simple

what y'all got going on.

It's very similar, too.

It's a classic power struggle.

This is when one tries

to make the other one happy,

but then it doesn't work out,

and you resent it

because it didn't go the way

you expected it.

Now, you see these two?

These two are f*cking morons,

all right?

They ain't got no stakes.

They problems are simple and dumb,

just like them.

But you two, your sh*t is major.

Yeah, you got some

green card sh*t on the line.

This is real-life sh*t.

I need y'all to let me in

so I can help y'all,

you understand?

At least let me help y'all

make it through this hearing.

She right.

Yeah, I know I'm right.

Look, sister,

we got to talk some, like,

real sensitive legal sh*t,

you know what I'm saying?

And I don't want these

herbs overhearing,

so why don't we go somewhere

where we can talk in private,

all right?

Come on, Dan, put me over there to her.

Come on, Dan. Dan!

Jolene, back!

Jolene.

The cat name is they password.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah, we in.

That's f*cking great.

All you need is your laptop back.

That's great. Oh, man, thank you.

Yep. It's a value add. Count it.

I count it.

Oh, Terry came through, man.

It's happening.

Yo, that's great. Congrats.

- Thank you, bro.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I still

don't have a spot, though.

Just ask your friend, Drew.

Bro, come on, man, you want me

to get off your couch, right?

Wait, is this you asking for help?

- Yeah.

- You know what?

There's this multipurpose

room at school.

It's been closed to

students since last year,

since they caught kids

drinking in there.

Now it's just a room where

teachers drink sometimes.

I could sneak you in.

You'd do that?

Yeah, for sure.

- I appreciate you, man.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna go take a sh*t.

You bought toilet paper, right?

No.

"d*ck problem." What the f*ck, Kareem?

Jesus Christ.

- Yo, Danny.

- Yeah?

- Yo, I fixed them.

- That's great.

Mm-hmm, it only took me five minutes

to solve they damn problem.

You're the only nut I can't crack.

I think we're making good progress.

No, we're not.

Oh.

Matter of fact, we going in reverse,

but I'm making money,

so I'm gonna keep you on.

Okay.

Listen, I got them as

a client, both of them.

- So don't worry about it.

- Okay, cool.

And I'm only gonna charge you double

'cause you brought Kenny with you.

And you can go ahead

and Venmo me the money.

- I need it right now.

- You brought Kenny in.

Why do I have to pay for two sessions?

I-I brought Kenny in?

You talk about this n*gga

night and day.

I brought him in?

- You know what?

- Okay, okay.

Don't f*cking talk about him

no more, then, okay?

You not gonna do this to me, all right?

I'm not gonna be

your whipping post, all right?

I'll call that drug dealer n*gga

and have him do something to you.

- Don't do

- I know all the Black people in the world.

You'll have a Million Man

March all over your a*s.

Don't do that. Okay, sorry.

Yeah?

You think this is a scarf? It's not.

It's a f*cking noose,

'cause I'm gonna k*ll myself

if you don't get your sh*t together.

Sorry, okay. I got it.

And what you may want to do is,

you may want to get your a*s up

and go the f*ck over there

and get your laptop, n*gga,

'cause I swear they about to pawn it.

Okay. Thank you, Dr. Flowers.

- Sorry.

- n*gga, just go!

What the f*ck? You'll see me again.

You think it's my funeral?

sh*t, longest goodbye ever

Okay, see you next week, Dr. Flowers.

Oh, f*ck me, you Dominican goddess!

I'll just get it later.

Bruh, your napkins

don't say D.J. anymore.

I don't know who did it. It wasn't me.

I'm gonna just let you know,

so don't start blaming.

Okay, so the gallery owner,

he can sneak through this door

I'm gonna leave propped open,

all right?

The multipurpose room

is on the third floor.

It's open until noon, okay?

All right. Are you sure it's all right?

Yeah, of course.

You're using it for a purpose.

That's literally what

the multipurpose room is for.

Just have your meeting, then sneak out.

- All right, thanks, dude.

- Of course. Good luck, man.

You guys psyched to learn?

Let's get to it.

Okay, now, this is a Bunsen Burner,

named after Nathaniel Bunsen,

who became the first man

to die from a Bunsen Burner.

Emergency, the school is on lockdown.

- Code white.

- Okay, everyone.

In a calm and orderly fashion,

let's all line up.

Do not move until further notice.

Of course, never mind. Let's sit down.

It's all okay.