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02x02 - obiageli

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Flatbush Misdemeanors". Aired: May 23, 2021 – August 21, 2022.*
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A raw and grounded comedy about city life, the show follows Dan and Kevin, who play characters struggling to thrive in their new surroundings in the brash environment of Flatbush, Brooklyn.

02x02 - obiageli

Post by bunniefuu »

I paint, and, uh, you know, I'm

trying to get my name out there.

Yeah, that art world could be cold.

If you hang around bad people long

enough, bad sh*t is gonna happen.

Bruh, I fled

when it became a crime scene.

I didn't commit a crime.

Fleeing a crime scene is a crime.

Bro, why can't you ever just listen

to what I'm saying and agree with it?

Why you always got to have

some other sh*t to say?

What if Mommy see you

out here like that?

What would she think?

Got to get your priorities in order.

- Where are you gonna go?

- Home.

Where is the love

that I miss so much? ♪

Georgia, did you wash this fork?

Nah. I think it was Kevin.

Kevin. Kevin!

Yeah

Did you use this fork?

I don't think so.

Well, boy, wash the fork.

But I didn't use it.

Why I got to wash

Don't talk back to your mama.

- When you leaving for the DMV?

- Now.

I want to get there

before the lines get crazy.

Any of y'all seen a receipt around here?

You look in your car?

Bro, where you going?

- You better wash this.

- Bro, you at the sink.

- Yeah, but you

- Kevin, wash her dishes.

Why can't she wash 'em?

She just used 'em.

She's visiting. You live here.

Oh, and, uh, you're gonna be

washing these, too,

so don't go anywhere.

Kevin, did you

- throw away my receipt?

- What?

No. What? Your receipt?

All right, I'm out. See y'all later.

- How're you getting there?

- Uber.

No, no, no, save your money.

Kevin can drive you.

- Bro

- Excuse me?

- Nothing.

- Mommy, it's okay.

- I can take myself.

- No.

He needs to make hisself useful.

And while you out,

take this back to Walmart.

Tell 'em you can't find the box.

Yeah, and I need you

to pick me up this afternoon.

Bro, y'all trippin'.

I got stuff to do today.

- What you got to do?

- I'm going to Mr. Lee's.

You should've just lied, stupid.

How many times I got to say it, Kevin?

Painting is a hobby, not a career.

- I can make it a career.

- Okay, you can?

And how much money

have you made painting?

Mom, art is an old man's game.

The money gon' come. I just

got to put the work in first.

I don't know, bro.

I know, like, 20 young artists

getting to the money

- right now.

- Really? You're gonna say that

- in front of her?

- It's true.

- Babe! Say something

- Huh?

- to your son.

- After you finish washing

the dishes, man, clean out that oven.

Nyla Hayes, Blue the Great, Devin Troy.

Why can't you be more like your sister?

I mean, she set such

an excellent example for you.

Duks, and he getting to it from Africa.

Did y'all know that he was gonna

end up like this one day?

Kind of.

Always.

Bro, can y'all chill?

Like, come on. All right?

- That's not fair

- Just find a job, Kevin.

All right, Mommy.

Are you finished eating?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Daddy, this it?

See, that's why I love you.

You like the son I always wanted.

- I love you, too.

- All right, son.

Walmart.

So, what, you think

that's what I'm doing 100%

of my time every time I leave the house?

Do you have any other thing

than game and weed?

Tell me what else do you, do you do?

Is that what you went

to school for four years for?

Let me find out Mr. Lee a boxer now.

What you doing?

Who that?

It's me. Kevin.

Mr. Lee.

I'm just f*cking with you, man!

Bro

- What you doing here, boy?

- Something's wrong with you.

I thought you was in New York.

I just came to visit my mom, man.

- What's up, man? You boxing now?

- Yeah.

Well, you know, I need to.

I got into a fight

with one of my students,

and, uh, she got lucky.

- She?

- Yeah.

I got one good punch in there,

and then she knocked my a*s out.

- Man.

- H-Here, here.

- Help me with this.

- They fired you?

No, no.

But I'm-a wait till she graduates

so we can fight legally.

- How's New York?

- Man

Living the dream up there, huh?

Man, I wish. It's just

That city kind of felt like a club

I wasn't cool enough for.

Wait.

You moved back?

Yeah.

I know your mama mad about that.

Tell me about it, man.

I'm not trippin', though.

I'm about to go see Honor.

See what she's been up to.

Dipping back

into the old well again, huh?

You know I can never stop

liking that girl.

Yo, you know about any commissions?

I'll paint whatever.

sh**t, if I knew, I'd be doing them.

So New York really didn't work out?

Yeah, well, art is an old man's game.

Now, I hope you're in it

for the long haul.

Uh, I ain't really good

at anything else, so

Hey, you think

I can come by here

and paint like I used to?

Of course. Uh, you can use

that corner right over there.

You sure you don't need a cane?

Why, does it look swollen?

No, it's not swollen.

But it looks like you need a new foot.

The Africa man, original ♪

I can wait a little longer,

that's all right ♪

I can wait a little

longer, that's all right ♪

I see you been doing your squats.

Boy, shut up.

I shouldn't even be talking to you.

Why not?

Oh, we acting dumb?

You still holding on to that?

You act like I didn't ask you

to come with me.

Like, you're from New York.

It wasn't even a stretch.

So what? I've been told you

I'm never going back there.

You need to let that sh*t go.

A'ight. Let a rat crawl

on your mama face,

and watch how it change your life up.

I'm just saying,

we could've made it work.

We could've made it work here, too.

I mean, we can make it work now.

What?

Shut up.

What?

That's why you came back here?

I mean

yeah, it wasn't for the drinks.

Kevin

I can't keep doing this with you.

Why not? Is it 'cause I left?

'Cause you know I wanted

to stay, but if I did,

I'd have just been a struggling artist

working at Target,

and you wouldn't have stayed

with a n*gga

that just sold baby clothes.

My baby father works at Old Navy,

and they sell baby clothes.

Not about the money for me,

you know that.

It's never been about that

with anyone I've dated.

Like, I never cared

about the glitz and the glam

and what you could buy for me.

I just cared about how you made me feel.

- You got a kid?

- That's all you heard?

- See, you don't listen.

- No. Nah.

I ju I just I'm sorry.

You know what? Congratulations.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- I'm happy for you, like

Y'all still together?

Y'all got a thing going?

Oh, me and Doug? No.

I mean, I'm using

his Old Navy discount, but that's it.

We not like a thing.

Hold that thought.

Doug.

They don't really see the vision

until it's done, and it's there.

And rightfully so, it's not

their vision in the first place.

What you doing, Mr. Lee?

I'm doing my

David Hammons impression today.

- Body prints, huh?

- Yep. Here.

Help me put some of this paint

on my back.

I got you.

All right, just horizontally or vert

Just slap it on.

All right. Uh

How I'm looking?

Oh, like n*gga the Pooh.

That's a good one.

You want a drink?

Yeah. I got it. Wait.

Drink-drink?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You drink this early?

I have to. I work with kids.

Were you drinking when you taught us?

I drank twice as much when

I was teaching you. Here we are.

Damn. Just gonna say that to my face?

Cool.

Let's create.

I don't want to be ♪

An imitated man ♪

How long you gon' keep doing that?

- Doing what?

- That.

Painting in the same style.

I'm good at it. Why would I stop?

Yeah, okay. If that's what you want.

But you haven't made one thing

that I wouldn't expect you to.

So, what, you want me

to just make something wild?

Yeah, you make

whatever you want to make.

It's just that this

What you're doing Is playing it safe.

Yeah. I hear that.

It's just like

when I'm doing something

outside of this,

it feels like I'm like, I'm

trying to be somebody I'm not.

Well, that's impossible.

You can't be nobody but who you are.

I mean, Michael Jackson impersonators

don't got Michael Jackson money.

sh*t. Michael Jackson don't got

Michael Jackson money.

But that's what I'm saying.

I'm not trying to be

an impersonator, you know?

Aw. Didn't I teach you

the best artists steal?

You just got to,

I don't know, make it your own.

I'm not comfortable doing that.

Well, if you want to keep painting

here, I don't want to see no more

landscapes and sh*t.

Do something different. Something

- something personal.

- So, what, you want me to just

put paint on my d*ck

and rub it on canvas.

No. That's my thing.

Steal from someone else.

Is that my phone? Oh, sh*t.

Yo, that's my mom, man. I got to go.

Huh. See, now you running from the work.

Mr. Lee, you're drunk.

I've been drunk since this morning,

but that don't make me wrong.

Yeah, it do.

I'll see you later, man.

Free yourself, baby

sh*t, I'll show you how right I am, boy.

Coming in here, talking some sh*t.

And on top of being late, you got paint

all over my damn steering wheel.

- It comes off with water.

- Shut up.

You're gonna clean this

whole car when you get home.

God knows what else you did in here.

All you want to do is paint.

When you start starving,

how are all those paintings

gonna help you then?

What-what are you gonna do,

eat the paint?

- That's not even a

- Man, shut up.

You were at Lee's, weren't you?

Hello?

Oh, I didn't know I could talk.

Yeah, I was over there.

What have I told you?

You need a real job.

I'm sorry.

You can't go over there anymore.

What am I, 12? You can't tell

me I can't go over to Lee's.

Like, I'm-a go see him

if I want to see him.

Yes, I can. What? Whoa!

I'm going over there

if I want to go over there.

Have you been drinking?

Nah.

Then what the hell is that smell?!

That's-that's probably

the paint. I don't know.

And how'd the paint get

in your damn mouth?!

You know what? Boy, just pull over.

Are we still going

to church this weekend?

Shut up.

I know how to love ♪

And I know who I am ♪

Come on, let me love you a little ♪

Bro.

You did not drive Mommy drunk.

I wasn't drunk. I was nice.

I was in the pocket,

you know what I'm saying?

"In the pocket"?

But she won't even talk to me no more.

Yeah. What you expect?

Of course she not.

I'm surprised she didn't kick

your dumbass out the crib.

Nah, I thought she was about to,

so I started walking around

the crib reading the Bible.

Bro you wild, fam.

She trippin'. It's not me.

Like, she won't even

let me go see Mr. Lee.

You know I f*cked up

when they don't even talk

about you being g*y no more.

Bro, what are you doing here?

Like, what exactly is it that you want?

Right now?

I don't know.

I just want Mommy and Daddy

to see me the same way they see you.

You know?

You got a long way to go, bro.

Yeah. Hmm.

Y'all straight?

Actually, can you tell me

where your bathroom is?

- Yeah. It's right there.

- All right.

What she doing back here?

Oh, Georgia?

You know, it's her birthday.

Really?

Yeah, it's her birthday.

James! It's his sister's birthday.

Is it really her birthday, mayne?

- Yeah.

- Really?

'Cause I'm tired of people

coming in here

doing that tired-a*s joke

saying it's somebody's birthday,

and it really ain't their birthday.

You making more work for me, mayne.

That sh*t not funny.

You're grown.

Nah, it's really her birthday.

Is it her birthday?

Nah. She just came back

- to renew her driver's license.

- Kevin!

- What?

- He just warned you.

- He told you not to do that.

- Yeah, but f*ck that n*gga.

Why's he so serious? "Is it

really her birthday, mayne"?

Yeah, 'cause he's tired of

making all these damn pancakes

for people that's not they birthday.

Whatever. That's his job.

Make pancakes, n*gga.

- That's what you're here for.

- When it's your birthday.

This n*gga Oh. What's up?

What's good?

Nah, nothing. We was

Yo. You got something in your beard.

You get it?

Yeah. Yo, you know this sh*t can be soft

on a b*tch's face?

This sh*t not soft, bro.

My-my sh*t's soft.

Yo. Can you tell her my beard is soft?

Um

I'm-a go take care of my customers.

Bro, you f*cking up my game.

- n*gga, what game?

- I got game, n*gga.

If you wasn't here,

- she would've

- Ah!

I know that ain't my girl!

f*ck.

Georgia!

Girl, I ain't seen you

since high school.

You still g*y?

Yeah, Bryson. I'm still g*y.

Okay, huh. All right. Well,

sh*t, I just want to make sure

that wasn't my fault, you know?

I know we were doing our thing.

I just want to make sure I ain't

had nothing to do with that decision.

- Man, what?

- I'm just saying, though,

you know, it ain't 'cause

I ate that thing too many times.

You know what I mean?

Set It Off, when we watched

Set It Off, huh?

Yeah, I'm g*y 'cause you went down on me

while Queen Latifah robbed a bank.

Hey, man. That sh*t's inspiring.

You know what I'm saying?

But f*ck it, though.

Let's go smoke.

I know you ain't quit that.

A'ight, yo. That sh*t better be gas.

Hey, man. My three-year-old,

I think she might be g*y.

I might need you to come to

the house, mayne, meet the wife

and sh*t. Just tell me if you

see any signs, bro, you know.

Where'd your sister go?

Hmm? Oh, she outside getting some d*ck.

But you don't

Don't even worry about that.

Yo, I got something for you though.

For your son, you know?

You said he liked YoungBoy.

Yeah, but I don't want him

listening to him.

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Just because I love you ♪

Don't go breaking my heart ♪

Just because you know ♪

If you could see my thoughts

You see a lot of wealth

If you could see my thoughts,

you'll never see yourself

Keep sh*t to myself, 'cause spreading

Business ain't gon' spread the business

When I'm asking where's the boss

I'm really asking where's the mirror

I'm swifter than n*gg*s

It come natural to dust b*tches

And I don't take my own

advice, 'cause I don't trust

b*tches, tell myself

it's nothing personal

It's just business, hustling

And we rep sets like we love fitness

- Ah!

- Yeah!

I can't believe you remember that.

Come on, what you talking about, man?

I remember all of your lyrics.

- That's crazy.

- Yo, even

the R & B joints.

You want me to sing one?

- Oh, no. No.

- Nah. Come on.

- I got to sing one.

- No, no.

Yeah, I got to sing one.

Hold on, let me

I just got to clear my

No, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Don't do it. No.

Hey, what time you get off?

Why?

I just want you

to see some of my paintings.

I think you'll like them.

Let me think about it.

A'ight.

Yo. I'm finna be out.

sh*t was mid.

Happy birthday ♪

To you ♪

Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday ♪

Yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo.

It's not my birthday, bro.

I'm out of here, for real.

Don't you trust him, shorty. He's broke.

- Yo, I'm sorry.

- n*gga, f*ck you.

A'ight.

Yo, watch your step.

- f*ck.

- I can't see nothin'.

I can't see sh*t. Hold on.

I don't really come here

at night. I don't know

where the lights at in here.

sh*t, you find them?

How I'm gon' find the light

if you can't find the light?

That's a good question, man. Oh. I think

I found them.

Oh, Mr. Lee is a freak.

This is nasty. Is this you?

Oh, nah. My sh*t take up

this whole room.

- Stop playing with me.

- Shut up!

Come check these out over here, though.

This is what I was

trying to tell you about.

This sh*t look cool in the light though.

Take your eyes off that sh*t.

Uh, where's the one I wanted

to show you? Oh, here it goes.

Wait, wait.

Huh?

Is this supposed to be your mom?

Yeah. That's her.

And the dude with the bag

over his head, is that you?

This is dope.

But

you okay?

Nah, it's just like, you know

She be doing too much, man.

Like, she'll tell me

I need to stop painting,

and it's like I already hear

that from other people.

I don't need to hear it

from my mom, too.

- Yeah.

- Know what I'm saying?

That sh*t is weird.

Nah, I feel you, I do, but

I mean

it's your moms.

That's what moms do.

She just saying that 'cause she don't

want to see you starving.

Then why she hide all

the good snacks in her room?

You n*gg*s

- not robbing me again!

- No, no. Whoa!

Mr. Lee! Hold on.

Relax, it's me, Kevin. Not n*gg*s.

- Kevin?

- Yes.

What the hell

are you doing here so late?

I wanted to show Honor

what I been working on.

Oh.

Well, then you should've called.

Hi.

Um, Kevin has been

doing amazing things lately.

Nah, I'm-I'm good.

I got to go get my kid.

- Do you?

- Yes.

I'm-a, I'm-a holler at you.

I'm-a call you.

She's nice.

Mr. Lee, you f*cked that up for me, man.

Oh, they always come back.

But, hey, lookit here, Kev.

You got one.

Yeah, I've been waiting for you

to do something like this.

You've got to apply

for this fellowship in New York.

New York? Uh

Mr. Lee, I appreciate it,

but I'm not really

trying to go back to New York.

I don't really want to get into it,

but too much sh*t happened up there.

I thought you wanted to be an artist?

I am an artist.

That's what I'm doing here.

I like our setup.

It's working for me.

I'll see you tomorrow, man.

Have a good night.

Uh, actually, Honor drove,

and she just left.

Can you give me a ride home?

I don't know why she left me like that.

That was kind of f*cked-up.

All right, I'll get the car keys.

So, you really put paint on your

d*ck and then just rubbed it

on that thing when I walked out, huh?

Well, you know, art is art, man.

n*gga, that is not art.

That is paint on your d*ck.

We call it d*ck painting.

- Hello, Lee.

- God The hell?

I'm-a start closing that garage door

Grace.

How you doing?

It's been a while.

Kevin's been showing

tremendous progress lately.

That's actually why I'm here.

I need you to stop

letting my son come here.

Wow. You are on-brand.

Excuse me?

Nothing. Nothing. I-I just want you

to understand how important

this is for Kevin.

No, no, no, no, no. We've

been down this road before.

I was okay with it when he was

in high school,

but we have tried it,

and it has led nowhere.

Kevin doesn't need to paint.

He needs to grow up.

Yeah, well, with all

due respect, the boy's gonna do

what he wants. He needs your support.

Don't tell me how to raise my son.

Fair enough.

I apologize.

I respect where you're coming from.

I'll leave him alone.

Uh, uh, please

allow me to show you something

before you go.

Oh, no, no, no. That's

No. Look in this direction.

What do you think?

Yeah, I know he can paint, but

how's he gonna pay his bills?

Well, if he's accepted

into this fellowship,

he won't have to worry about bills.

- What fellowship?

- It's in New York.

They provide room and board, and there's

a $50,000 cash prize

if he wins the whole thing.

I tried to get him to apply,

but he didn't want to.

I think you're the only person

he'll listen to at this point.

Look, my mama didn't want me to

be an artist, either. I get it.

You want your son to be successful.

Well, here's an opportunity

for him to be successful

the way he wants to be.

There's nothing to lose by applying.

What's that?

Something that Kevin painted.

- On purpose?

- Yeah.

That's not hanging in this house.

Mom gonna do what she want to do,

but at the end of the day,

everybody knows it's all love.

sh*t. Sometimes I listen,

sometimes I don't.

It just depend on how I feel.

- What's this?

- Open it.

I mean, you already opened it.

Boy, just read the letter.

A'ight. A'ight.

- "Dear applicant"

- No, no, no.

Don't read the whole thing,

just read this.

"You have been accepted to interview

for the No n*gro Left Behind Fellowship

in the state of New York."

You did this?

Yeah. They like that

little painting you made of me.

You saw that?

Yeah. Your dad says that we can't

hang it up in the house, but I liked it.

Um, why didn't you talk to me first

to see if this is what I wanted?

What's there to talk about?

You want to paint, so I got you

a fellowship to paint.

Oh, look at this.

If you get in, they'll pay

for room and board so you don't

have to sleep on couches anymore.

- Yeah, I see.

- "Yeah, I see."

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. I just

I wish you'd talked to me

before you did it.

What? You been in here for two months

asking for me to support you.

So now that I'm supporting you,

now you have a problem with it?

Okay, well, help me understand.

What's the issue?

Every time you support me like this,

it comes with a lot

of expectations and pressure,

and I don't

I don't need that right now.

So I'm wrong because I want you

to be successful?

No, you're not wrong. It's just

It's just like when you applied

to college for me,

and I didn't finish,

and then you got mad.

Because you should have

finished, because you would have

a degree, and now you would have a job,

and you wouldn't have to live at home.

Yeah. Exactly. So if I go to New York,

and I don't get into this,

or I do get into it and I fail,

you gon' go right back

to calling me useless and

I don't call you useless.

Ma, you called me useless

the other morning,

when Georgia was here.

A-And Georgia, too.

You go like, "Oh, you

need to be more like Georgia."

"Why can't you be more

like your sister?" Like

no, when I'm doing this, it's mine.

I don't want you watching over my art.

So, you're saying

that you don't want to do it

just because I got it for you?

No, I'm not saying

I don't want to do it.

I'm just saying, like,

can I think about it a little bit?

Okay, Kevin, you can think about it.

Fine.

But you better try

to get into that fellowship,

because if you don't, then you

need to start thinking about

getting a job

and moving out of my damn house.

Ain't nobody want to live here no way.

Huh?

Oh.

Oh, sh*t.

Yep.

How you?

I'm good.

So that was a lie, so

- How you really feeling?

- Huh?

There's, uh

Just some sh*t at home.

I'm straight though.

What's up with you?

Nothing.

My son liked the YoungBoy

picture you made him.

- Oh, he did?

- Mm-hmm.

- That's what's up. Yeah.

- Yeah. It was cute.

I shouldn't have left you, man.

I don't know.

I'm dumb as hell for doing that.

Yeah, well, shoulda,

coulda, woulda, right?

Yeah.

But it's fine.

You did what you had to do.

So what's the surprise?

Take that off.

Kev, Kev. It's okay.

- Hmm?

- I got it.

I almost got it, but I got a hangnail.

It's fine.

Mama, I made it.

Yeah.

All right, I'll call you

after the interview.

Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love you, too.

All right, all right, all right,

all right. Okay, bye.