01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Daniel.

Do you want to see something?

That's our holiday money.

All these pricks round here, noses

in the air, looking down at us

f*cking jealous now, in't they?

Do you want to hold it?

Don't want to get your prints

on that.

Could make you an accessory.

Don't say those things to him.

About f*cking time.

So, how do I look?

What is she, son?

She's a tart, Dad.

That's right.

She's a tart.

Is Lee coming?

No, Lee's away doing a bit of work.

Oh!

What about this? No.

You would say no.

Let me do it!

What about this? This is nice.

That's it!

My Way

by Paul Anka

This is it! No, no, no, not this.

Yes!

This is music. This is MY song.

Can we have something a bit?

SINGS ALONG: # Of which I'm certain

# I've lived

It's not a Frank one. It's a cover.

# And travelled each

and every highway #

Still good, though.

Eh! You listening, boy?

# I did it my way

# Regrets

# I've had a few

# Then again

# Too few to mention

# I did what I had to do

# Saw it through

# Without exemption

# I planned each charted course

# Each careful step

# Along the byway

# And more

# Much more than this

BOTH: # I did it my way

# Yes, there were times

# I'm sure you knew

# When I bit off more than

I could chew

# And through it all

# When there was doubt

# I ate it up!

# And spit it out!

# I faced it all!

# And I stood tall!

# And did it my #

CARNIVAL MUSIC JINGLES

Five nights? Yeah.

Lovely. I've got a lovely

room for you with a view.

Oh, perfect.

Do you hear that, it's

got a sea view. Nice.

Number three, so that's

Third floor. Right.

Breakfast from 7am.

Here, mate!

Mate!

Do one of us, will you?

One of your Polaroids.

Do one of us, eh?

Just one, is all.

Nice one.

Thank you.

Come on.

Wow.

Just popping out.

You're coming back though, right?

Yeah, course I am.

Because we've dinner at 8:00.

I said I'm coming back, didn't I?

TV: A doll!

MUSIC PLAYS FROM TV

What's the price, Miss?

Come on. Let's f*cking eat!

Daniel.

What is she?

She's a tart, Dad. Yeah!

She is a f*cking tart.

Look at this place.

What a f*cking sh*thole.

No, it's nice.

Nice, is it? That's what you think?

Look, Daniel, tart's got an opinion.

Can you talk, little tart?

Don't start, OK?

I'm not starting,

I'm just having a laugh!

A laugh, is all.

Come on. I'm just having a laugh,

is all, a little bit of a laugh.

I want a nice evening out.

This is a nice evening out.

We're having a nice evening.

This'll be nice.

Don't you think this is nice?

I've shat in better places

than this.

So, anyway, what about you?

How's How's life as a

single woman about town?

Oh, stop!

You You seem really well, Mum.

Yeah. Yeah, I am well.

Do you miss him?

Yeah, of course I do.

Look, I was with Martin for a lot

longer than I was with your dad.

I mean, he was a boring

old b*stard, but

He was kind.

It's cancer, Danny.

Sometimes, I think you

grieve before they die.

Well, I I love the way

that you came out of it.

Really? Yeah.

It's your life. You get to

live it for you, for once.

Yeah.

Well, in that case,

I'm going to get wankered.

Oh, you know that your

Uncle Frank is out?

Yeah, yeah, I heard. Yeah.

I think Lee's going to pop round

to see him tomorrow, so

Well, you could join?

Yeah. I don't know, Mum.

Look, you know how down he gets.

He needs family around him.

Look, Frank's great. I will go.

It's just

I don't know, him AND Lee together.

Two ex-cons.

It's going to get a bit

male and manly for me. Oh, Danny.

Frank loves you. I know, I know.

He IS my only brother.

I will. I'll go. I'll go and see

him, I promise, next week.

Oh, excuse me, sorry.

Could I have a glass of white,

please?

Thanks.

Can I Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

How come you stayed

with Dad for so long?

Why you asking that?

I just

You know, I don't know, it's just

You could've

You could have left him sooner.

Why didn't you?

Look, when I met him,

I was well turned out,

good looking, funny, smart.

I was a catch.

But by the time I went

looks was all I had.

Knowing the right shade

of lippy to put on.

How can a person like that leave?

No, but you did.

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

So So why not sooner?

You know?

Yeah, change the subject, eh, Danny?

I don't know. I just keep thinking

about it because, I just

What if things might have

been better if? Danny.

No, wait, I don't mean

Yeah, no

I just I mean for you.

Danny

I just mean Please.

Sorry, I don't I

Talking of Lee, I was

there at the weekend.

Took some pics of Dean.

Do you want to see?

Yeah, of course I do.

Go on. He's really growing, look.

Oh, my God.

He is really growing, isn't he?

Yeah.

What has she got in her t*ts?

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, that's justthat's

just to check the, erm

Uhthe

Let's

Shall we get you that glass of wine?

Excuse me.

MUTTERING: f*cking God

Jesus f*cking Christ.

Oh, you f*cking prick.

It's in your locker, Dan.

Oh, my God.

I'm going f*cking nuts.

You still up for tonight?

Yes, yes. Yeah, I really am.

Ermtotally.

But don't be late, OK?

No, I won't be late.

Max is doing his jambalaya.

It has to be exactly right,

and he will not serve it until

everyone's there. Jamie.

I won't be late. Don't worry.

Right.

OK, stupid question.

I don't have anything in here, do I?

Like what?

Half a kilo of heroin?

Go through the f*cking door, Dan.

Yeah.

Plato tells the story

of a man called Gyges,

who finds a ring of invisibility.

Once Gyges puts the ring on,

he can do anything he likes.

k*ll, steal.

Do anything at all without

anyone finding out.

And where does big man

find this ring?

Plato's question is,

is there any reason

for Gyges to be good?

Females?

Females.

Just females? Nothing else?

Well, I'm assuming this Gyges

hasn't been saved by the light

of the Lord Jesus Christ, so, yeah,

just females. Here we go.

You know what, yeah,

I'll go with that.

When I was begging, if I see, like,

three lads on a night out, yeah,

I know I'm getting nothing.

But if I see a man with a girl, and

they got, like, shopping bags, yeah?

Like, honeymoon vibes.

I go straight up to him,

ask him for money,

nine out of ten times,

he gives it, yeah?

Like, I give him the chance to look

kind and, like, he's got cash.

Like, I provide a service!

Serious!

Like, without me, he spends

the night on Pornhub.

OK.

So, Gyges should only be

good if women can see him?

Look, Dan. Look around us, bro.

We've got female teachers,

officers, nurses.

What, you take them all away,

you think men are going to be,

what, better? It's nonsense.

"Nonce"? Is that a confession?

HE CHUCKLES, NO-ONE JOINS IN

Did you want to say

something, Wallace?

Women are the salvation of men.

Yeah, that's what

we're saying, Wallace.

But you got to earn it,

you got to be decent first,

not just when they're looking.

So, some philosophers say that, erm,

masculinity is an identity

achieved through dominance.

In order for me to be a man,

someone else has to lose.

And more often than not, that

someone is a woman or child.

No, Dan.

There are good men,

and there's bad man, yeah?

Well, the writer, Bell Hooks,

she argues that the idea

of the good man is sexist.

She says we should want to be

a good PERSON, not a good man.

In here, I don't think

about being a good person.

But I do feel bad about

not being a good man.

When I'm on the phone to my ex, and

I hear my little girl crying cos

..you know, some teacher

don't like her.

I can't do nothing. I can't sort it.

I feel like sh*t.

Yeah, I don't like the

whole dominance thing.

It's belittling, if you

don't mind me saying, Dan.

Erm

Being a man, its way

more than dominance.

Mm. A lot more.

DOOR OPENS

Oh, sh*t, it's VPs!

I see you! I'm going to cut your

d*ck off, you little b*stards!

As for the cowardly, the faithless!

The detestable, the sexually immoral

and liars! I see you! You pussies!

There is the portion that burns with

fire and sulphur! f*cking b*stards!

Sex offender f*ck!

You deviant f*ck!

All right, Keith?

You all right?

You weren't in class. No.

They wouldn't let

us off the landing.

I'd love to say it was an incident,

but, like as not, someone just

squashed a c*ck

without the correct paperwork.

This place is a shite shambles, Dan.

Well, I've I've

brought you some reading.

I know you like a head start.

I do, I do.

Thank you.

It's a dialogue between

Slavoj Zizek and Will Self.

Ah, Zizek!

The Billy Connolly of philosophy.

It's like if performance art

f*cked verbosity.

Thanks for that, Dan.

That's all right.

I'll I'll see you next class.

All right. Oh, by the way.

I could do something

for you in return.

"In return"? What do you mean?

Well, your dad did time, right?

What makes you say that?

Well, in a place like this,

word gets around.

Doesn't matter how.

What matters is, I know a

guy who was inside with him.

He was your dad's pad-mate.

Right, that's what he said, is it?

He said he was my dad's pad-mate?

Aye, for eight months. Mm.

Now, that's a hell of a long

time in a place like this.

And what's more is

..that man's in here.

You know, I could put you in touch.

You couldhave a chat with him.

Would you like that?

I'll think about what you said.

Right. Yeah.

All right, Lee?

Hey. Erm, yeah.

Look, listen, you're going to

Uncle Frank's today, right?

I thought I might

you know, tag along?

Yeah. Erm, when are you going?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I've

Yeah, I've got something

I have to do first.

The thing was, though, Dan,

they made you f*cking march.

What, like a soldier?

Like a f*cking tin soldier!

They wanted to march you down

to get your f*cking chow!

This is years ago, Dan.

I'm a kid, so I'm not having this.

I give it the Travolta roll.

I'm all like

Wahey! There she goes,

Saturday Night Fever.

This big screw takes one look.

Bang! Punches me right

in the guts for that.

No.

Yeah, I go down like

a sack of spuds.

Puked up all over his shoes, I did!

Oh! I bet they were shiny, and all!

But the next day,

I'll do it all again.

I give it the roll, bang, punched

in the guts, on the floor.

Next day, roll, bang, floor.

Ten days straight, I swear to God.

So, they change tack.

I go down, they gave me my dinner.

The whole plate is covered in salt.

Oh!

No, that's wrong, that is.

Yeah, you had to scrape

it off even to eat, eh?

But I still give it the roll, right?

And every day they give me my

plate of food, white with salt.

Ten days of that, chuck me in seg.

Oh! No, that is bad.

Dan, seg, that's awful.

I mean, I've never done seg,

but they bury you down there, mate.

You sleep on a concrete ledge, Dan.

Each day, the screws would

wake me up, take me outside,

give me a shovel, and make me

dig an hole eight foot deep.

And at the end of the day,

I'd have to fill it back in.

God, you must have been exhausted.

Dan, every day, when they open

that door, I'd spring to my feet,

big smile and go

"You got my shovel? I love digging."

THEY LAUGH

I loved it. I loved it. I did.

Right, but you hated it, really?

I loved it. I pretended

I loved it. Yeah.

So, you didn't love it?

No, Dan, he loved it. He pretended.

I used to pretend I loved it,

so, you know

I LOVED it!

What about on your own? When you

put your head on the pillow?

I'd been digging

f*cking holes all day.

I slept like a log.

What you got to

remember about prison is

..it f*cking loves

to grip you in place.

Now, if you don't want that,

you've got to push back.

So, one day, they send

me back to my cell.

No-one says a word.

I'm thinking, "Oh, aye, what now?"

They call feeding time.

I roll on down, just like always.

All eyes on me.

Give me my food.

Clean.

Not a grain of salt on it.

Earn their respect, Frank.

They'd given up on me.

So, I took that plate, look up

at the screw who's with me,

and I say

"Where's my f*cking salt?"

Got any crisps or something, Nan?

No.

What do you mean, "No"?

You got to have some.

No. Get off.

All right, all right, all right.

Is it the puff? Hmm.

Oh, you don't like to be around it.

He's a good lad - Lee.

He's done really well.

He's looking a bit tired,

though, ain't he?

Yeah. I noticed that.

You digging holes again, Frank?

Making a pond for Mum.

Loads of wildlife in a pond.

Toads, ducks, dragonflies.

Could even get newts.

I don't want f*cking newts.

Thanks, Nan.

I love wildlife.

When we was little, used to bunk

the train to Sandwich, in Kent.

Sit on the shore,

watch the sun go down.

I've not been back

since I was a boy.

Well, we could go if you like,

Frank? Get you some air.

Well, great, but

What about tomorrow?

Got to wait for a clear day, though.

You want to clear day.

It's going to be

really clear tomorrow.

Well, yeah. We'll,

Yeah, we'll

We'll do that, yeah,

but we'll wait for a clear day.

Yeah.

Erm

Frank, do you know where Dad is?

Why you asking that?

I just

I just I just want

to know where he is.

You're not going to get in touch

with him, are you? No, no, no, no.

No.

Just want to know.

There's lots of reasons

why people do crime.

With me, it's cos I was good at it.

With Lee, it's cos he had to,

he had no choice.

But with your dad, it was cos

he liked to subjugate people.

He loved to grind people down.

He enjoyed it.

He was a f*cking weasel.

And you shouldn't need

reminding of that.

This for starter, this for main.

Where's that prick with our drinks?

Well, we can see they're busy.

Oh, so sorry, guys.

There's been a problem in the

kitchen.

It's all gone a bitcrazy.

Where's my drink?

Erm, they're just on drinks now,

but I thought, if I get your food

order in, there should be no delay.

Oh, that is very considerate.

Off the kids menu, we'll have

the sausage bites to start,

and then the pasta, but

with no cheese. Of course.

And for me as a starter,

could I get

Actually, is the baked brie good?

Honestly, it's the

best thing on the menu.

Not just saying that?

All right, well, normally, yes,

but it is really good.

Well, how could I resist that?

Yeah, how could you resist that?

Great. And for you, sir?

Calamari.

Calamari. Fantastic.

And now for the mains.

I've actually got a special tonight,

it's a grilled monkfish.

It comes with a baked potato,

salad, and a pesto sauce.

Oh, that does sound lovely.

You know, I think I'll take that.

Great.

Thought you were having cod.

Yeah, I was, but

Well, don't let him upsell you.

Have your f*cking cod.

I want steak, cremated.

And if I see one drop of blood,

won't just be the

f*cking cow bleeding.

Uh

Do you move as fast as you smile?

Uh, sorry, I

Don't start, he's just doing

his job. What you sorry for?

Uh, nothing. I'm not. I just

So, you're not sorry?

Not sorry at all, then?

Should I just get the drinks?

Well, I'm not going to go up there

and get them my f*cking self, am I?

f*cking fairy w*nk*r.

Mum?

Where's Dad?

He's having a drink.

What, by himself?

Go brush your teeth, Danny.

I wish Lee was here.

That what you want, is it?

What you doing?

That what you f*cking well want?

Is it?

That what you want?

Is that what you f*cking well want?

What do you want?

What do you want?!

Wear it. Here!

Calm down!

Is that what you want, is it?

Calm down, sir! That what you

f*cking well want? Stop!

Is that what you want? Stop it.

There you go! Have that!

Is that what you want, is it?

Stop! Get off me!

That what you f*cking well want?

Is that what you want?! Hey!

What are you?

Let's go!

Now, calm down!

Stop! No! No!

No! No! No!

That what you want, is it?!

That what you f*cking well want?!

That what you want, is it?!

Honestly, I just cannot find

anything wrong with it.

I just keep thinking

that I can smell gas.

Well, can you smell it now?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I think I can.

No, you can't.

Cos I've had the gas

lines off for 90 minutes

and the windows open for 70.

So, if there's any gas in this room,

it is defying the basic laws

of atmospheric circulation.

OK, soso why can I smell it?

Uh, well, that is between you

and a caring and

qualified psychotherapist.

Look, it's, erm

It's a mechanical process.

Gas flow is initiated by

physically turning the knob.

It's fine.

But if you want to get a second

opinion, you're more than welcome.

Is that a thing in gas engineering?

No.

OK, so, I, uh

I should just relax?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd give that a try.

You want me to check it again,

don't you?

Yeah Yeah.

Is that totally insane?

Well, it is going to be

exactly the same result.

AndI will have to charge you for

another hour,

and you did say you

had somewhere to be,

and you're already late, so Yeah,

yeah.

Erm, yeah No, OK.

Sorry, yeah.

Check it again, please.

ENGINEER SCOFFS

BAG UNZIPS

Hey, Jamie.

Hey. Yeah, I'm

Yeah, sorry, sorry.

I'm on a bus, but there

There was

There was thisthis, erm

fight on the bus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. These two guys.

Look, so, I'm

I'm on another one right now,

so I'm going to be there in

Erm

Well, listen, I mean,

as soon as I can.

f*ck this,

f*ck this, f*ck this

MUFFLED CHATTER

Hey. Max.

I'm so sorry. There was

There was a fight on the bus, and

then there was roadworks, and it

I'm going to go and try

and rescue the jambalaya,

which was ready

one hour and 25 minutes ago.

WHISPERING: Is he really pissed off?

Yeah.

But he is driving me nuts.

So, this guy, he's a prisoner?

What's his name, Helen?

Damir. Do you know him?

I don't think so.

Well, I've been doing these

lessons, parenting through play?

So, I bring in a bunch

of toys for the men,

and I teach them how to play

with their own children.

Oh, my God, that is amazing.

Because a lot of them

don't know how.

They're often inside when their kids

are born, and their own families

It's not exactly like they come

from homes where Dad engages fully.

I could not do it. Working in a

prison, I just could not do it.

But this one guy drives me nuts.

Damir, is he a lifer?

Yeah, that's right. Do you know him?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I quite like him.

You work in a prison as well?

Yeah, I thought you

taught philosophy?

I do.

Ermin prison, to prisoners.

Wow.

f*cking wow!

That's just blown my mind.

That's incredible!

Well, anyway, this guy, Damir,

he insists on calling me "Miss"

despite me specifically

telling him, call me Helen.

No, that is annoying.

Thank you.

And he's always finding me a chair.

He will stop everything,

and it's all like,

"Let's find Miss the best chair."

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, what an arse. No!

Dan. It's belittling.

Yeah. No, no, I get that.

That is kind of sexist, actually.

And if anyone says anything,

he's straight in with,

"Have some respect. How would you

feel if she was your sister?"

Like I need him to save me.

Well, I think I think

it's the other way round.

I think that you're saving him.

You know, he has to protect you

from the other men

to prove that he's not like them.

They're the men that have to

dominate other people, not him.

Yeah, but what he's

doing is the opposite

and that kind of male protection

is proprietary, right?

I mean, erm, he's actually

reinforcing dominant behaviour.

Write that down for me, Paul.

I'll pass that on to Damir before

his next a**l cavity search.

Max, this is gorgeous.

Yeah. Normally, it is.

Dan, can I ask you a question?

I think so.

Well, it's a bit personal.

You said your father is a prisoner.

Was.

Yeah, erm, like I said,

I don't know where he is now.

So, do you think you're trying to

sort of save these men you teach?

Do you mind me asking you this?

No. Why would I be

trying to save them?

Well

What, you happened to just find

yourself working in the place

that stole your father from you?

No, no, no. My father wasn't stolen.

I mean, he stole,

but he wasn't stolen.

Yeah.

No, seriously, though.

I mean, otherwise, why are

you working in a prison?

Why's Jamie in a prison?

Why's Helen in a prison?

THEY LAUGH

Whyin a!

Well, come on.

"Come on," what?

What do you mean, "Come on"?

Well, it's just different,

isn't it? Is it?

Well, you know it is.

What, this has never occurred

to you before? What, ever?

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just f*cking dumb, Paul.

And Dan doesn't drink, by the way.

To reiterate, this is Dan sober.

I mean, I don't think Paul

was trying to make you

What do your parents do, Paul?

Oh they're both, uh, GPs.

You said you were a doctor,

didn't you?

All right, OK.

I can see where this is

And yet you don't feel

the need to pathologize

that kind of inheritance?

Oh, I wasn't pathologizing

Oh, no, no, that's right, of course.

Nice middle-class, bourgeois,

white bread, nepo baby

pass-downs are perfectly acceptable.

All right, Dan. Come on.

No, I'm

I'm not trying to save anyone.

The time to save them's long gone.

We all missed the boat on that one.

We were too busy recreationally

pontificating over

Chateauneuf-du-Pape and shoving

culturally appropriated rice stodge

down our throats.

Now, I don't I'm really sorry

But I don't save,

I don't rehabilitate.

I mean, I don't even educate,

really. I mean

Actually the most that I do is

a two-hour holiday in the head.

A brief respite from

a life of concrete,

steeped in spice.

A life that can best be

characterised by the act of

trying not to make eye

contact with another man

while he shits in front of you.

That's me, Paul.

QUIETLY: So, feel free

topsychoanalyse that.

f*cking hell.

Sorry, I was I was just, erm

Yeah? What were you "just", then?

What the fricking f*ck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

"White bread, nepo baby,

pass-downs"?

Yeah, that was too much, wasn't it?

No, no. The whole thing

was too much.

Everything that came out of your

mouth was way too much.

I mean, I don't know you, but

I hope this is a nervous breakdown,

because if this is what

you're normally like

Is it OK in there?

No. No, it is not.

The atmosphere is

most definitely ruined.

Paul's a d*ck, though, right?

No. I mean, he was just drunk.

And Max is lovely, but he's

never going to forgive you

for that shitty jambalaya.

I mean, you were an hour and a

half late. What were you doing?

I was checking my stove.

Excuse me?

My cooker.

Takes me an hour to

leave the house these days

cos I keep thinking it's on.

That's what I was doing just now,

checking photos of it.

Photos? Of your cooker?

Yeah. Do you want to see?

Got thousands.

But they don't work any more.

I justI just keep thinking that

that flame's going to come on

anyway. f*cking debilitating.

Oh, and I've started seeing my dad.

Or, like, thinking

that I'm seeing him.

And Paul's right.

Me doing this job may

very well be about a man

that I never want to see again,

and f*cking hated anyway, so

Actually, yeah, this

could be a breakdown.

Why don't you use a video camera?

Instead of photos. Set up a

nanny cam in front of the cooker.

Download the app on your phone,

you can watch it in real time.

That way, you'll know your

house isn't burning down.

I mean, that's what I'd do

if I was f*cking nuts.

But why are we going home?

We only got here yesterday.

The holiday money's gone.

Your dad had to pay a fine

for nicking that jewellery.

It wasn't jewellery. It was

display models. It was all fakes.

You see, that's why you need to

keep out of trouble, Danny.

It was just plastic. That's

why they couldn't put me away.

Yeah, you didn't know that

at the time, though, did you?

You ruin everything you touch!

Why have you parked so far? Sh!

I don't want people to see.

Keep your f*cking head down, you.

Don't touch the light!

I don't want them

knowing our business.

You're staying at Gary's?

I'm doing a bit of work.

Oh, great.

Don't you ever learn?

Mum, I'm hungry.

What, we're supposed to stay

in the dark for a week?

I'm not having them, out

there, knowing our business.

I won't have them

looking down on us.

Of course they look down on us!

I mean, I'd look down on us.

Look at the state of us!

Mum, I'm really hungry.

Not now, Danny. But I'm starving,

I've not eaten since lunch.

I'll get you something soon.

When? I'm hungry.

Look, you can go to

the shops at night.

I'll be back in a couple of days,

I said that.

But I'm not having these

f*cking arseholes sneering at me!

Is that understood?

Cos it's all about you, isn't it?

It is all about you and what you

I said I'm hungry, you tart!

What did you just say?!

Come here, you, now!

Closer.

What did you just say?

If you ever talk to

her like that again,

I will f*cking k*ll you, boy.

Do you understand that?

I will end your life.

Do you believe that?

I will f*cking k*ll you.

Malcolm X was a man

of transformations.

At 21, he went to

prison for robbery.

Inside, educated himself,

and when he came out he

became ardently political.

Yeah, yeah, I watched

a film about him.

That Denzel played him, innit?

Bruv, I read his whole book, bruv!

He became a criminal

to get away from poverty.

That right, Dan? Mm-hm.

But he's a complicated figure.

So, while, in later life, he

acknowledged the role

that women played in the struggle,

in his early speeches X talks

about how men are strong

and women are weak.

He tells men to

dominate their women.

Yeah, but he grew up with no dad.

Why does that make a difference?

Loads of men in here only have mums,

yet they end up misogynistic.

Blame the one that's still there.

A r*pist moves onto their landing,

they all join the queue

to f*ck that guy up.

But a female guard passes,

see all them same mans

standing around like

Hands on their ba*ls, Dan.

Every time, hands down

the front, touching ba*ls.

Female right there.

So, a father's a good influence?

No. Dads make it worse.

One time, my

dad slapped me up, yeah?

And then this advert

for Childline comes on.

I'm all crying,

I'm snotty, I'm like,

"I'm going to call that number!"

And he's like, "All right, go ahead.

"Yeah, I'll slap you up

before they come round,

"I'll slap you up

whilst they're here,

"and I'll slap you up

after they're gone."

Eh, my old man used to call them

adverts "tooth decay", yeah?

He says they're an easy way

to lose your f*cking teeth.

My dad broke my arm once.

It was, like, a compound spiral

fracture of the radius,

plus a dislocated shoulder.

And I had to pretend I caught

it in the rubbish chutes.

And he comes to hospital the

next day with a bag of crisps

and he says,

"I done it cos I love you."

I was so pleased

when that prick died.

What flavour of crisp?

My God!

I'm joking, I'm joking.

I think they're incredible.

Bro, they're meadies, Dris.

Waiting for Jesus.

Who you waiting for? Jesus.

f*ck all of that sh*t.

I don't want to get my

hand chopped off for

Greg, can I borrow you?

I'm sorry, Greg. I

I couldn't make out the words.

Yeah, me neither.

My handwriting's f*cking awful.

Can't read anything I write.

Well, could you do it on a

computer maybe, in the library?

I only get two hours a

week in the library,

and that's stripped every

time there's a lockdown.

I'm sorry, Greg. I can't read it.

But, listen, sometimes they let you

have a laptop, if there's a reason.

You want me to talk to the governor?

Maybe ask for you?

What for?

Well, so that you

can do your memoir.

Yeah, but why are you doing that?

Just to help.

Well, I want to get it down,

the memoir.

While it's still in there, you know?

Yeah. I get it.

I'll speak to the governor,

see what happens.

Oh.

It was inappropriate of you

to bring up my father, Keith.

Was it?

Yeah, it was.

It could be seen as an attempt

to manipulate a member of staff,

and things like that get punished.

All right?

I could get you put on

basic for what you said.

Is that a threat, Daniel?

No, it's a statement.

Ooh!

Well, colour me

sh1tting my f*cking pants.

I notice you're not telling

me to go f*ck myself, though.

You know what your problem is?

Hmm?

You're not one thing or the other.

No

You're not us, you're not them.

You're definitely not your

father's son, that's for sure.

And I'd wager you're

not your mum's either.

Stuck

..right in the f*cking middle.

That's you, son.

Can't piss,

can't get off the pot.

That's a messy place to be.

Well, you have a think about it.

You know where I am.

And, by the way, you can

take this shite with you.

Self and Zizek together?

I'm a red-blooded heterosexual, but

that's way too much c**t for anyone.

Oh.

Oh.

Boop!

Oh.

Do you remember what

Dad's favourite song was?

My Way. Wow.

You remember that?

No. Guessed it.

You guessed his favourite song?

Well, was it?

Yeah. Yeah, it was obvious.

w*nk*r's charter. "I did it my way."

Yeah, of course you f*cking did.

That's your problem, pal.

You all right, Lee?

Yeah, fine. Just tired.

This sleep thing's a k*ller.

I haven't been to a

meeting for a while, so

You've not been to a meeting?

Oh, no, Dan. It's fine.

Jesus, Lee. That's Dan.

I'm all right.

I'll get to one tomorrow.

It's just

I'm just whacked, is all.

Why do you think Mum didn't

..didn't leave him sooner?

It's just that, when I

asked her the other day,

it looked like she was going to cry.

Well, don't f*cking ask her, then!

What the f*ck are you

asking her for?

Well, I think it's

a reasonable question.

Oh, "reasonable." Yeah. Oh, right,

now she's got to walk around

with a head full of that prick

all day. Yeah, reasonable.

What is going on with

you at the moment?

I mean, why are you

asking about him?

All right. This, erm

This prisoner told me about a pal

of his who was dad's pad-mate,

and he'd asked if I wanted

him to make an introduction.

Are you joking? No, I told him,

"No," Lee. What you doing, Dan?

I told him to go f*ck himself,

actually. What are you doing?

He's after something. I know.

He's trying to drag you in.

He's going to ask for a phone,

drugs No, no, I know, Lee.

Lee, I know.

I told him that.

I said, "No." I shut it down.

Oh, did you?

Cos you're talking about it now.

So you think you've shut it down,

but he's got inside your head

Lee. Lee.

Lee, I can handle it! Because

that's how it works in there.

Christ.

I know that I'm your younger

brother, right, but you treat me

like I'm a child sometimes,

like I've not been through anything.

Oh, right, yeah.

What you been through?

OK, I'm a part of this family. OK?

Oh, for That's not what

I said. I didn't mean that.

No, you didn't have to. It f*cking

drips off you, all of you.

I'm not some f*cking

wine-swilling academic, OK?

I have lived things, they're in me.

What about Mum?

What ABOUT Mum?

Digging all this stuff up.

What about me? What about my son?

What? That's nothing to do with

it Cos it's not just your life

that you're bringing

him back into, is it?

I'm not f*cking bringing him

back from anywhere. Christ!

You shouldn't be in that place.

It's dangerous, Dan.

Lee, I can handle it.

You shouldn't be in there!

Lee, I can handle it!

Do not talk to me

about that man again!

I do not want to hear it!

Not where my son is.

You get another f*cking job, Dan!

Don't tell him we came home early,

all right, Danny?

You want me to lie?

I don't want your brother upset.

He's got enough on his plate.

Is Lee coming home with us?

Your brother's just doing

a bit of work, Danny.

So, was it a good holiday?

Yeah, it was nice.

That's it? Just nice?

You don't want to hear about that.

Yeah, I do.

Course I want to hear about it.

Look at what I got to stare at.

It wasfine, Lee. It was fine.

"Fine"?

Whataren't you saying?

Nothing! It was good.

We had a great time.

Everything was lovely.

Wasn't it, Danny?

Danny, tell your brother

the holiday was good.

Mum said you were working.

Yeah, that's right.

Dan, I've just been

doing a bit of work.

But this is a prison.

Why didn't you tell me?

Look,

all this

..this ain't for you.

You're different, Dan.

What does that mean?

Why am I different?

No. That's a good thing.

How's that good?

Dan

..you're different.