01x08 - The Stuffy Lovers

[bunniefuu]

[Harriet] When I was seven years old,

I decided I was too old
to play with my favorite stuffed animal.

He was a fuzzy duck
I called Eddie Spaghetti.

I couldn't bear to say goodbye,
so I told Ole Golly to hide him

and never tell me where,
no matter how much I begged.

Now that I'm 11, I know it's weird
to be missing my old stuffy.

It's even weirder to be sneaking out
in the middle of the night

trying to find where Ole Golly hid him.

The thing is, Eddie Spaghetti was always
there for me when things got tough.

And thanks to everyone's favorite snitch,
Marion Hawthorne,

things were about to get very, very tough.

♪ I just wanna be
You just wanna be ♪

♪ We just wanna be ♪

♪ I am gonna be who I wanna be ♪

♪ My autonomy ♪

♪ No, I won't cut my hair ♪

♪ And I'll wear whatever ♪

♪ I like it when I get to be myself ♪

♪ I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be ♪

♪ We don't wanna be told what to do ♪

[Harriet] This whole thing started when
I had about a million tests at school,

and I was studying all the time.

My grades were good,
but the pressure was getting to me.

And all that pressure
can turn you into a real leg-jiggler.

To try and de-stress and de-jiggle myself,
I decided to study my best friend, Sport,

-a guy who is always cool under pressure…
- [buzzer]

…whether he's in the gym or at home.

Ever since his parents got divorced,

he helps his dad
around the house and other ways too.

- [snoring]
-Mr. Rocque is a great writer

who works all night on his novel
and sleeps during the day.

- [whistles]
- [Harriet] I think Sport is

a 55-year-old man
trapped in the body of an 11-year-old.

It's fun.
I take the checks and I cash them,

and I plan what to do
with all the money piece by piece.

Then I know where everything is,
you know what I mean?

Hey, if I don't make it as a ballplayer,
my backup is to be an accountant.

[Harriet] I had a lot of notes.

But as hard as I tried, I couldn't
figure out how Sport kept his cool.

That is, until one day
when I noticed some suspicious behavior.

[door opens]

Hmm.

[Harriet] It was Sport's childhood stuffy,
Doctor Bunny.

The doctor is in.
What seems to be the problem?

History. I got a big test coming up,
Doctor Bunny. I feel like I'm gonna choke.

There's nothing a good hug won't cure.

Thank you, Doctor.

[wood squeaks]

[gasps]

[Harriet]
Someone had followed me. But who?

And how much did they see?

If word got out
that Sport was a stuffy hugger,

he and Doctor Bunny would have to
change their names and move to Kathmandu.

Hmm.

[Harriet] Every good spy has
tons of expensive high-tech equipment

they use to eavesdrop on their suspects.

[whispers indistinctly]

[Harriet]
I had second-grader Wallace Walker.

[chews, grunts]

I'm on it.

[Janie] If it isn't Carl Spivey.

Hello.

Hmm. I know you know
about Sport and his stuffy.

What's it gonna take to keep you quiet?

Hmm, what could keep me quiet?

Carl Spivey, a kid with a deadly secret.

Can he be tamed?

Carl, um, this is just a wild guess but,
um, do you ever get picked on?

Sometimes.

Then how about this?

If you keep quiet, I'll be
your personal bodyguard for a week.

- Deal.
- Deal.

How will I summon you
when I find myself in physical danger?

Um, moo like a cow.

[mooing]

[chuckles] Just practicing.

Let me help you with that, Martha.

[Harriet] Next up was Martha Hansen,

little sister of Beth Ellen Hansen
and a known blabbermouth.

Thanks.

I was wondering, Martha.
Have you ever been to Paris?

No, but I always wanted to.

Maybe you should take a look at this.

[Martha] Sacrebleu!

- Oh, keep it. It's yours. [chuckles]
- Oh.

Think of it as a special prize
for people who don't spread rumors.

Merci.

I'll be sure to tell my sister
not to tell anyone then.

Martha told Beth Ellen.

I'll take care of Beth Ellen.

[Harriet] Recently, Beth Ellen had shown

signs of wanting to be my friend
instead of Marion's

and needed to be handled carefully.

[grunting, sighs]

[whispers] I know you know
about Sport and his… stuffy.

Please don't tell anybody,
especially Marion.

If she found out, I'd have to protect him.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

[door opens]

I have to go. Be careful.

Do the right thing, Beth Ellen.

Mm-hmm.

- [whistle blows]
- [gym teacher] Welsch!

[Harriet] Ow! Rope burn!

[mooing]

[sighs] I'll be right back.

- You mooed?
- Somebody's after me!

Where?

[sighs] Nobody's after me.

I just needed to talk to you.
I decided I don't need a bodyguard.

What do you need?

[Harriet]
I had no clue what they were doing,

but I knew that with Janie on the job,
the secret was safe.

Or was it?

If Beth Ellen told Marion,
pretty soon the whole world would know.

And it would all be because of me.

Big test tomorrow?

Yep.

[glass clinks]

You should try to relax.

Why didn't I think of that?

Is there anything I can do to help?

You could tell me
where you hid Eddie Spaghetti.

Harriet, you made me double--
No, triple swear

not to tell you where he is
no matter what.

I-- I just wanna hug him, just once.
Just once and I-I'll be okay.

Hug him and pull the string
that makes him talk.

Hug him, pull the string
that makes him talk, and smell his head.

Then I'll be okay.

[Harriet] The smell of Eddie Spaghetti's
head was the smell of my childhood.

-Quack!
- Quack!

[Harriet] For some reason, [sniffs]
it always smelled like toast.

Please.

When you gave Eddie to me, you said,

"A great writer doesn't walk around
sniffing the head of a stuffed duck."

Fine. I'll just find him myself.

[Harriet]
Which brings us back to where we started.

The more I dug, the more I worried

that Ole Golly had done something drastic
with Eddie Spaghetti.

Legend has it
that nannies on the Upper East Side

got rid of their kids' stuffies

at a place known as Crybaby Bridge.

[wolf howls]

[heart beating]

- [water splashes]
-Ole Golly wouldn't do that, would she?

[sighs]

[quacking, laughing] You quack me up.

Eddie Spaghetti!

[sniffs] Mmm, toast.

What about the triple swear?

That was for not telling you
where I hid Eddie.

You never said
I couldn't just give him to you.

Can you… [quacks] …like a duck?

Quack?

Quack!

Quack.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

[Harriet] Thanks to Eddie, I slept better
that night than I had in weeks.

- Good luck on your test!
- Knock 'em dead, Harriet!

[muffled] Thanks!

[Harriet] I didn't need luck.

[Harriet] I had Eddie Spaghetti.

There's something exciting
about being a spy

and knowing the city's secrets
when the city doesn't know yours.

Hey, Janie. Carl Spivey?

What's going on?

[chuckles] I agreed to teach Carl Spivey
how to walk on his hands,

you know, to keep him quiet.

Keep your arms bent like this.

[Harriet] This will make a lot more sense
if you know that Janie is famous

for walking better on her hands
than on her feet.

Thanks for your help.
I'll see you at school.

See you, Carl Spivey. Don't tell anybody.

I won't. [grunts]

I think I know why you like to do this.

[horn blowing]

You're like me, an upside-down person
living in a right-side-up world.

[bell rings]

Hmm.

[sighs, smacks lips]
Now it's your turn, Doctor.

Whoa! You are good.

[Eddie Spaghetti] Hey, what's quackin'?

Eddie Spaghetti?

We just came by to see what was quackin'.

How did you know I was here?

I tracked you with the power of my mind.
Can I have a bite?

[chewing] And I saw you come here
the other day.

You looked left, then you looked right,
then you took off

like the most suspicious person
in the Greater New York area.

[chuckles] I'm not a master spy like you.

Is this how you de-stress?

And de-jiggle.

You're still a left leg jiggler?

Right leg. I switched.

- [laughs]
- [laughs]

[sniffs] Mmm, as toasty as ever.

- What happened here?
- Uh, surgery complications.

I see.

Hi, there. What's your name?

Come on, Doctor Bunny. You can do it.

My name is Bunny, Doctor Bunny. [chuckles]

- [laughs]
- They actually talked to each other!

[Sport] Friends forever.

Duck, duck, duck, doctor! [laughs]

- [laughs] Ooh, hey!
- Oh, no, no!

Ah, come on!

- You're it. Stop! [laughs]
- No, faster! Faster, go!

[shutter clicking]

Smile for the camera.

- Marion, please don't.
- [shutter clicks]

You can see the pictures tomorrow.

They'll be on the front page
of my weekly newsletter.

How did you find us?

I told her.

You said
you were going to do the right thing.

She did. That's what best friends do.

[switching radio stations]

["Drown in My Own Tears" playing]

I don't care if everybody knows.
It's no big deal. So what?

So everything.

Sport, do you think all those stories
about Crybaby Bridge are true?

I don't know.

Even if they're not,

I'm going to tell Ole Golly
to throw Eddie Spaghetti off this bridge.

Ah, no you're not.

You're right.

I've gotta do it myself.

I can't be a stuffy hugger forever.

W-- We could do it together.
I mean, would that make it easier?

We should probably let them say their
last words before we-- [sighs] you know…

I'm a funky duck.

[chuckles] Oh-- Sorry, I'll be serious.

Take two carrots and call me
in the morning. [chuckles]

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

[sighs] No more last words.
We have to do this.

[Sport] One.

Two.

[inhales deeply] Three.

I can't do it!

[sighs] Okay, here's the plan.

If the captain blows his horn,
we keep the stuffies.

If he doesn't…

Ready?

[horn blows]

You quack me up.

- Yes, yes, yes! Ah! [laughs]
- Yay! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Okay, now what?

[sniffs] I have an idea.

Purple Socks,
could I interest you in a free newsletter?

Jeepers.

Beth Ellen, the newsletters
aren't going to pass themselves out.

[bell ringing]

Here they come.

I have to say, I'm surprised
you didn't take a sick day today.

Aren't you surprised, Rachel?

Why, yes I am, Marion. Beth Ellen?

I wouldn't wanna be here.

We came here to thank you.

To thank me?

Oh, for reminding us
that we will always be…

[both] …stuffy huggers!

Everyone,
I'd like you to meet Eddie Spaghetti.

Eddie Spaghetti, meet everybody.

Can you [quacks] like a duck?

Quack!

Quack! Quack! [chuckles] Anybody else?

Hmm.

[Martha] Quack.

Quack.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.

[clears throat] Time to grow up, Harriet.

[sighs]
That's what everybody keeps telling me.

But I think they all forgot
how hard sixth grade is.

How you have to study all the time,
and your legs are jiggling,

and stuff falls off your desk,
and you try to catch it and-- [sighs]

And there's nothing wrong
with being a stuffy hugger!

Is there anybody out there
who's a stuffy hugger too?

This is Gunther the Bear.
I got him when we lived in Germany.

[speaks German]

That's German for
"Where is the honey, honey?"

This is Big Daddy Longlegs.

His voice box is broken,
but it still sounds cool.

[distorted] Hey, who took my pancakes?

He really likes pancakes.

She doesn't have a name,
and she doesn't say anything.

[sniffs] And she smells like summer.

[sixth grade boy]
[clears throat] This is Monkey.

What's that? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Right.

[clears throat] Sorry, um, Mr. Monkey.

[Harriet] Sport and I hoped that
the courage of the stuffy lovers

would inspire other people
to be themselves,

or even better,
out themselves any way they wanted.

Smell the summer, Marion.

Ugh, get that away from me.

Marion, I'm afraid
I'm going to have to confiscate

that camera and your newsletter.

The Gregory School is about embracing
our differences, not mocking them.

Have you met Mr. Fancy-pants?

What do you think of my pants?

They're extremely fancy, Mr. Fancy-pants.

[laughing]

Sorry.

[sniffs]

[Harriet] As for Janie,
now that the stuffy secret was out,

she didn't have to
keep Carl Spivey quiet anymore.

But now that they both shared
the same upside-down secret,

she said
she'd hang around him a little longer.

[gasps] Whoa.

Yeah. Whoa.