02x06 - The Walrus and the Carpenter

[bunniefuu]

I couldn't believe the words
that just came out of my mom's mouth.

You, Miss Golly, are fired.

I wanted to scream,
"It's not Ole Golly's fault,"

but the words got all stuck in my throat.

Mrs. Welsch, I hope you know me
well enough to realize

that as long as Harriet is in my care,

I would not let harm befall
a single hair on her head.

Harriet, let's get you up to bed.

Dad, it's not Ole Golly's fault.
It was mine.

I made her stay out late. I'm sorry.

I need her. We need her.

Harriet,
let your mother and I handle this.

It's a good thing my dad forgot
his daughter was a world-class spy.

Eight, nine, ten. And we're clear.

I could tell my parents
weren't angry anymore.

Did that mean they were going to
un-fire Ole Golly?

Mrs. Welsch, Mr. Welsch,
there's something I need to say.

Us too.

When we came home and Harriet was gone,

we got really scared.

We panicked,
and we may have overreacted a little.

You're part of our family, Miss Golly.

We'd like you to stay with us
for as long as you want.

Yes!

I appreciate that,

and I know I will always feel
like a part of this family.

But, Mr. Waldenstein--

George asked me to marry him tonight.

And she accepted.

Way to go, Ole Golly.

I know this is going to come as a shock,

but we've decided to move to Montreal
to start our new life.

What?

Next week.

No. Oh, no.

I just wanna be
You just wanna be

We just wanna be

I am gonna be who I wanna be

My autonomy

No, I won't cut my hair

And I'll wear whatever

I like it when I get to be myself

I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be

We don't wanna be told what to do

We are obviously so happy for you both,

but why do you have to move
to get married?

If you stay in New York,

you could still be Harriet's nanny
during the day.

We'll do anything to keep you here.

That's very kind, both of you.

But we've made up our minds.

I've thought about it,
and Harriet's matured a lot this year.

I think the time has come.

No!

It hasn't.

I suddenly understood why
ostriches stuck their heads in the sand.

"The time has come."

Had the time come?

I definitely looked more mature
if you ignore the scary hair.

But was I?

Things I did this year:
Mature versus not mature.

Taught Ole Golly to ride a bike.
Very mature.

Refused to try a new kind of sandwich
despite intense pressure from Mom.

Mature. That just means
I have more refined taste.

Threw a hissy fit in dance class.

Very mature.
I hissied in the name of freedom.

My brain told me I was ready
to be on my own,

but my heart had other ideas.

Ole Golly said, "The time has come."

Why did those words sound so familiar?

And now, for your favorite poem,

from Alice in Wonderland.

"The time has come, the Walrus said,

To talk of many things..."

"Of shoes and ships and sealing wax..."

"Of cabbages..."

"And kings."

That was our poem.

It's always been a part
of who we are as friends.

"The time has come."

Even if it had,
what would I do without Ole Golly?

The time has come. The time has come.

The time has come. The time has come.

The time has come.

Ole Golly?

Ole Golly!

Wait!

To move to Montreal...

...next week.

The time has come. The time has come.

The time has come.

What a nightmare.

I was glad Ole Golly
wasn't leaving for a week.

I needed time to process all this.

Good morning, Harriet.

I'm glad you're up.

I just got some upsetting news
from Ole Golly.

She has to leave tonight.

What?

On second thought,

I didn't need time to process this.
The time had definitely not come.

I'm sorry, Harriet.

They were hoping to leave next week,

but Mr. Waldenstein just found out
he got the job he wanted.

They want him to start
the day after tomorrow.

I know.

We feel the same way.

I'll tell you what, after school,

you and Miss Golly can do
whatever you want. No homework.

Love you.

No!

I'm a spy, and a good spy never quits.

I loved that perfume bottle.

I always made it a character

in a make-believe game
Ole Golly taught me called "Town."

Ever since I was five,
Ole Golly and I played Town every Monday.

It's a game where you make up stories,

using objects to play
different characters.

Let's pretend this story is about Alice.

This is Wonderland.

Who would the perfume bottle be?

The perfume bottle is...
a perfume bottle?

Use your imagination, Harriet.

Hello there, Harriet. I'm Perfume Alice.

It's so lovely to meet you.

It's Alice. Perfume Alice.

The perfume bottle went on
to play a ton of different parts,

in a ton of different imaginary worlds.

From Queen Elizabeth

to an opera singer who had a bunch
of birds living in her mouth,

to one of those same birds...

who went on to become
the first woman president.

Thank you, America.

Ole Golly always told me...

The best writers can make a story
out of anything.

That's when I realized what
I needed to do to make Ole Golly stay.

Hey, Ole Golly.

Harriet, there you are.

I was worried you'd overslept.

Not me.

So, Mr. Waldenstein asked you to marry him
while we were at the movies, huh?

Yes. He did.

But he didn't get down on one knee
and all that jazz, did he?

Well, what do you think?
You know I hate cheap theatrics.

No engagement ring?
Sorry, no dice. Too bad. Oh, well.

Guess it's back to normal.
I'll help you unpack.

Oh, Harriet.

I'm sorry.

This is all happening so fast, for me too.

In the words of William James,

"To change one's life:
One, start immediately.

Two, do it flamboyantly.

Three, no exceptions."

I wanted to argue,
but I really liked the word "flamboyant."

We still have today.

And today, every second I'm not packing
and you're not at school,

I'm all yours.

We can do anything.

Anything. Hmm.

How about a game of Town?

It is Monday after all,
and we've never missed our weekly game.

Well, that sounds good. You start.

Okay, Harriet.

Time to tell a story
like you've never told it before.

"Hello, I'm Ole Golly.

Time to clomp, clomp, clomp to Montreal."

Montreal.

"Mon-tray-al."

I hope you're ready, Ole Golly,

because the time has come.

Hi, I'm Cheshire Clog Golly,
here in "Mon-tray-al."

Bonjour, Cheshire Clog Golly.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to be the king

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had developed static cling

There you are.

My darling Shoe Golly.
Would you do me the honor of--

No need for cheap theatrics.

Here is a strong handshake for ma chérie.

That's right. You don't even speak French.

I'll learn.

Well, it's gonna be hard 'cause...

We do not sell the books in English.

That means no Willa Cather or James Joyce,

or Lewis Carroll.

No! Why?

They have an English section
in every bookstore.

Canada's official languages
are French and English.

Dang, strike two.

Now, I taught you Town
to help you tell stories.

This feels like propaganda, Harriet.

I'm gonna say I know
what "propa-what-a" means

and say it's definitely not that.

It's a story where I reveal to you
what they do in Montreal for fun.

Baguette fight!

Hey! Hey! Look out!

I'm gonna get ya!

What are you doing?
Baguettes are for eating.

This is what we do here.

We hit each other
with the baguettes.

How I wish I lived in New York City
where my beloved Harriet M. Welsch,

who secretly shares my middle name,
lives happily ever after with me.

Oh, no! The Jabberwocky.

Oh, no!

Why did I leave Harriet? Why?

Ole Golly!

I heard your cry. I'm here to save you.

Hey.

I let you play five minutes extra, Harriet.

You have to go to school now.

Ole Golly, did you even listen
to the story I was telling?

I did. Thrilling, truly.

Definitely not trying
to convince me to stay.

This isn't funny.

I-- I know. I know it's not, I just--

Harriet, it's time for school.

Time, time, time. Time for school.

Time for Montreal. Time to grow up.

Maybe it's time for you
to stop bossing me around!

Your tomato sandwich is on the counter,

and I'll be right here when you get home.

You expect me to believe that?
You're gonna be miserable without me.

I started the day feeling
like nothing could stop me.

The truth is, I was so angry,

that the people who were really
going to be miserable...

...were the kids in gym class.

That's it, Pinky. You're out!

She is really mad.
Did you ask her what's wrong?

No, thank you.

Just gonna let her work it out on her own.
And besides, she's on a roll.

Who's next?

Take two parts anger,

three parts hurt
and four parts frustration,

and see who becomes
an unstoppable tetherball champion.

Rats.

I'm not even playing.

I just left my retainer over here. See?

Sorry. Some of us weren't born
with perfect teeth.

There's a lot to be said
for playing with anger,

- especially when it comes to...
- My turn.

Your serve.

For the first time
in my 11 years on Earth,

I'd beaten Marion Hawthorne.

Did she just...

Yeah, you did it!

Good job, Welsch.

I'm impressed--
to be honest, a little terrified.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but good game, Harriet.

Harriet M. Welsch,
no one likes a sore winner.

Act your age
and shake your opponent's hand.

The time has come.
Harriet's matured a lot this year.

As the words echoed in my head,

I suddenly realized
I'd been going about this all wrong.

I knew exactly what to do
to make Ole Golly stay,

and it didn't involve acting my age.

Hello, Harriet.
How was your day at school?

Are you okay?

Do you wanna talk?

Nope.

Do you at least want a tissue?

- Did you pack the perfume bottle?
- I did.

Can I play with it? Please, please,
please, please with a cherry on top?

Sure, Ole Golly was
only unpacking one thing,

but I saw it as a pretty good start.

- Harriet, I--
- Can't talk. Playing Town.

Hey, everyone.

Hey!

Hear ye. Hear ye.

One and all, ye residents of Wonderland.

Now that I no longer have a nanny,

I hereby declare that we never,
ever, ever, ever shall grow up.

And since I never have to grow up
or learn anything ever again,

I don't want to be Perfume Alice anymore.

From this moment forward,
I am the evil Perfume Red Queen.

And what I decree is,
off with their heads!

Off with her head! Off with her head!

Off with their heads.

- Off with their heads.
- Harriet.

- Off with their heads.
- This immature game you're playing

isn't going to work.

I'm sorry, Ole Golly.

I only talk to people in Town.

Off with their heads!
Off with their heads!

Off with their heads!

Off with her head!
Off with her head! Off with her head!

Excuse me, my liege.

Were you not once a girl
named Perfume Alice?

Once.

Then I decided that growing up stinks,

'cause people you love
move to Montreal and leave you forever.

Off with her head! Off with her head!

Now, announce where you're from
and how you're also mad and wild like us.

Or else...

Off with your head!

Off with her head!
Off with her head! Off with her head!

Off with her head!

"The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked a mile or so"--

What are you doing, you knave?

Reciting a poem.

A poem I once taught
to a girl named Harriet.

Harrumph.

Let me start over.

"The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked a mile or so..."

"And then rested on a rock
Conveniently low..."

"And all the other Oysters stood
And waited in a row."

"The time has come, the Walrus said"--

No! I know what you're trying to do,
Ole Golly, and it won't work.

Harriet, this time,
the time really has come.

Miss Golly, your cab's here.

Harriet, please.

I don't want us to say goodbye this way.

You can keep the perfume bottle.

Teatime.

Let's have tea, everyone.

Is Ole Golly coming back?

No, she's not.

You mean to tell me
we didn't say goodbye?

As your queen,
I assure you it is not a big deal.

It clearly is though.

Look what it's doing to your imagination.

Whoa.

The time has come. The time has come.

No!

What have I done?

Come on, Ole Golly.

I know you didn't leave.

Ole Golly was my best friend,
my guru, my confidant.

She made me a better writer,
a spy and human being.

And I just let her leave without saying...

"The time has come, the Walrus said..."

"To talk of many things..."

"Of shoes and ships and sealing-wax..."

"Of cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot..."

"And whether pigs have wings."

Ole Golly, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Goodbyes are hard.

Each one is completely different,
so they're never easy.

I'm never gonna be the same without you.

I'll never play Town without you,
ever, ever, ever again.

But you must.

Don't you see, Harriet?

That's why I taught you Town
in the first place.

To play without you?

Harriet M. Welsch,

you have the most incredible imagination
of anyone I've ever met.

I taught you Town so you could picture
your stories even better.

But now you have to be braver
than playing Town,

or even writing in your notebook.

It's time for you to start writing full,
real stories the whole world can read.

The whole world?

Well, I certainly intend
on having a popular bookstore,

so if your first novel is in it,

it certainly will be read
by the whole world.

But I'm not ready.

You said a great writer
has to know everything.

Well then, start as a good writer
with what you know now.

If you work hard,
eventually you'll become great.

I was a total disaster at riding a bike,

until I could do it without
your help, huh? Remember?

I paid him to circle the block.

I still have your clog.

Goodbye, Harriet M. Welsch.

The "M." will always stand for Myrtle.

Harriet Myrtle Welsch.

I didn't know where to go
or what to do,

so I just sat on my stoop
as day turned to night.

I have a splinter feeling in my stomach.

I don't know if it's good or bad,
it's just a new feeling all on its own.

And that is fine by me.

Because new feelings
are just another thing to write about.

I just wanna be
You just wanna be

We just wanna be

I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be

We don't wanna be told what to do

And I try my best to do good
In the neighborhood

I smile real nice

And I strive to tell the truth

I just wanna be
You just wanna be

We just wanna be

I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be

We don't wanna be told what to do

I am gonna be who I wanna be

My autonomy

I just wanna be
You just wanna be

We just wanna be

No, I won't cut my hair

And I'll wear whatever

I like it when I get to be myself

I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be

We don't wanna be told what to do