01x02 - Crazy b*tches Who k*ll

[bunniefuu]

Beth, this is Doreen Paulson.

She's our in-house attorney.

It's come to our attention

that you may have falsified

a quote.

We all know your reputation.

The way you were fired

from the Chronicle.

You don't know

what you're talking about.

I was wrongfully accused.

Ellie, baby, say cheese.

Ah, perfect!

I want a cousin.

There are some people

who can have babies

like Mommy and Daddy,

and then there are some people

like me and your Uncle Marco,

who can't.

This one's for you.

It's from Toni Plimpton.

The Duck Cutter!

"Three and a half

"years ago, I was convicted

of murdering my husband.

"I could come to peace with that

if I had pulled the trigger,

but I didn't do it."

You don't believe this woman,

do you?

I mean, the whole thing

seems super sketchy.

Who did k*ll Wallace?

Wyatt, Wallace's brother.

They ran g*ns.

That's the guy

the D.A. should've gone after,

but who's serving time?

Wyatt Plimpton?

Hi there.

Down, Freddy! Down!

Who the f*ck are you?

Uh, I'm a journalist.

Uh, I'm here to ask you

a few questions

about the night

your brother was m*rder*d.

- Oh.

- Nope.

I don't talk to the press.

Mr. Plimpton, I think you're

misunderstanding. I'm not

You got, you got five seconds

to get off the property.

One.

- Okay, can I just explain?

- Two.

I'm not with the press

in the traditional sense.

- Three.

- I'm

- Four.

- I'm in TV.

What kind of TV?

Right, so w-we're making

a show about women.

- What kind of show?

- Awful women.

It's-it's called, uh, Crazy

Crazy b*tches Who k*ll.

Crazy b*tches Who k*ll?

Yeah.

I would watch that show.

I would straight--

I would f*cking watch that show.

Every b*tch I know is

f*cking crazy.

: Oh, God.

I know, right?

Um, but why watch the show

when you could star in it?

We want to profile you.

Word?

How do I know you're not just

some psycho b*tch

out here to f*ck me over,

you know what I'm saying?

You say you're from TV, huh?

Uh, then where's your cameras

at, you know what I'm saying?

Where's your microphones?

Where's your little

pretty makeups and sh*t?

You know what I'm saying?

Where's the glamour?

Preliminary, uh,

interview first,

and-and-and then, uh,

that comes after we've

Oh, you think I'm stupid,

don't you?

Think you can just come up here

and lie to my face?

- Hell no!

- No! Ah! g*dd*mn it!

Why would, why would you do

that? Why would you stick

your foot in the door

as I'm trying to slam the sh*t?

You got a small-a*s brain

or something?

Mr. Plimpton, please.

If I could

I'm not lying

when I tell you that

what happened to your family

was was brutal.

And unfair.

That crazy woman Toni,

she took your brother from you.

I think the world needs to hear

your story.

Sorry.

D-Do you have any ice?

Can

Yeah, come on in.

Of course I got f*cking ice.

It's just frozen water.

- What? No f*cking way.

- Yep.

Straight up, true.

Yeah, Wally would be over there

making us pancakes and sh*t,

and when we weren't looking,

homeboy would be dunking

his f*cking nuts

up in the batter.

Wait, so, so

Wallace lived here?

Yeah, this was his house,

you know what I'm saying?

He got shot right there.

- Right there?

- Yep.

Before Toni dragged his a*s off

to be trampled by the buffalo.

I tell you what,

Toni, she

I met some crazy ones,

but Toni,

she wasn't just crazy,

she made him crazy.

I mean, she maimed

the m*therf*cker.

He didn't even do sh*t,

you know what I'm saying?

That'd been my wife,

damn, I would smoke the b*tch.

Bam! You know what I'm saying?

No, of course.

I totally get that.

Um, so this was her house, too?

Yeah, she wishes.

Wh-What's it called when

someone, like, lives somewhere

but they, like, never pay rent,

they just live there for free?

A squatter?

Yep, squatter.

She was a f*cking squatter.

A magician-a*s squatter,

you know what I'm saying?

Like, she had his a*s

believing he loved her.

I mean, like,

I'll tell you what, though,

like, I mean, he loved

that sweet a*s.

I'll give it to her,

she was f*cking fine.

You know what I'm saying?

She was some A1 spank fuel.

I thought they didn't get along.

You never knew with those two,

you know what I'm saying?

One day it'd be all, like,

- kissy-kissy, f*ck-f*ck.

-: Stop!

Stop.

Next day, like,

you know what I'm saying,

he'd be mad as hell at her

for something.

Wally, I said stop!

Oh. I'm so-- I'm sorry.

No, I just Wally.

- Get the f*ck back here!

- Wally, Wally!

Stop!

That's what's up.

Ain't no road flares,

cold medicine in this sh*t.

You know what I'm saying?

I get this imported from, uh,

Hawaii, you know

what I'm saying?

A little Honolulu style.

You want to hit this?

You want a little aloha?

Oh, I would love an aloha,

but, um,

not while I'm on the clock.

Word. I hear that. I hear that.

You know what I'm saying?

A working girl,

you know what I'm saying?

You got to keep

your mental straight.

Right.

Um, what line of work

are you in?

Um I got a card right here,

actually.

- Mile-High Linens?

- Yep. Linens.

- Regional delivery manager.

- Yeah.

- Cool.

- That's what's up.

And-and Wallace, too?

Yeah, it's a family affair,

you know what I'm saying?

- Family business.

- Hmm.

Is there a lot of money

in linens?

Yes. You look educated,

but you're coming off

lightweight dumb, for real.

Know what I'm saying, dressed

like a time traveler and sh*t.

Yo, let me just show you

some stuff.

I'll show you what

linens gets you, straight up.

Come take a look at this.

Yep, check it out.

This is the entertainment dojo

right here,

- you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

- Whoa.

- All this from linens?

- Yep, all of it.

Linen Kingdom,

that's what I call it.

Anyway, check it out,

I got my katanas right here.

They're ceremonial, but, uh,

you know what I'm saying?

I know how to use 'em,

self-taught.

Do you keep a lot of weapons

in the house?

Oh, yeah, you got to.

Say a bunch of illegals

come in here and try to r*pe me.

Know what I'm saying? They

wouldn't get past the mailbox.

And if they do

slip in the house--

and that's a big if--

oh, it's Wu-Tang time, baby.

Shaolin, m*therf*cker.

Oh!

- Hell yeah.

- Oh, my God.

Aw, chill, Freddy.

That's Lucy right there.

You scared?

What is that?

It's a dragon

from the isle of Komodo.

Yep, she's a little

bunny rabbit,

unless she catches the whiff

of a fertile woman.

What?

Yeah, if she catches a whiff

of you when you're on the rag,

she will eat your insides out,

f*cking K.D. Lang style.

Saying, eating p*ssy for real.

Talk about a crazy b*tch.

Yo

You still bleed?

Yeah.

That's what's up.

Yo, this is what I want

to show you right here.

Check this out.

Boom.

Oh.

Cool boat.

Yep. That was Wally's pride

and joy right there.

Yep.

He never even got to use it,

though,

you know what I'm saying,

because, uh

'cause he, uh

f*cking Toni.

f*cking Toni had to go

f*cking sh**t him,

like the f*cking stupid b*tch

that she is,

and f*cked everything up.

I'm s-so sorry.

- g*dd*mn! You f*cking

- Oh, God!

- f*ck.

-: Yeah.

It's chill, it's chill.

It's just whatever, just

But how about I-I give you

a minute?

Uh, is-is the bathroom

down the hall?

Yeah, just down--

Yeah, go-- Yeah.

Okay.

- The f*ck are you doing?

- Um

- Where's the bathroom?

- Who the f*ck are you,

and what are you doing?

I'm here to, uh

Wyatt!

Yo, Georgie.

f*cking chill out.

Be nice to the little lady.

Bro, she's snooping in our sh*t.

- Oh, word? You snooping?

- No. No.

I wa-- I was

looking for the bathroom.

- She was looking in the closet.

- No, I wasn't.

I wasn't.

- I swear. I wasn't.

- What's the deal?

You f*cking pooping

or you snooping?

You calling my boy a liar?

You know what, I don't,

I don't need this.

I-I thought you might be

a good interview for the show,

but this-this tough guy sh*t,

this is boring.

Uh, and as you say,

there's-there's tons of

crazy b*tches out there, so

Yeah, it's chill.

- It's chill.

- Okay.

- Thanks for the peas. Oh!

- Yo, hold the f*ck up.

- Chill the f*ck out, man!

- Don't you f*cking push me.

Oh, yeah,

you're gonna f*cking hit me?

Gonna f*cking hit me?

Oh, go for it.

'Cause if you punch me,

you know what,

you got to find

a new f*cking boat to live in.

Man, you're f*cking high

as sh*t!

You f*cking,

f*cking chill the f*ck out!

Yeah, that's right,

you little p*ssy.

Yeah.

f*cking, f*cking walk.

Pussing out as usual.

- f*cking dumbass.

- Okay.

- Oh, God!

- Hold the f*ck up.

I did not get your name.

It's Vivian.

Uh, Vivian Steele.

Word. All right,

Vivian Steele.

Well, you know where to find me.

- What the f*ck?

- sh*t, man.

Why the f*ck

did you invite her in?

Nice one, you f*cking dumbass.

- Trying to get my d*ck wet.

- f*ck you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Vivian Steele?

f*ck.

I found it. The big one.

Toni Plimpton.

What, the psycho?

Did you go and see her?

Yes, I did.

And her brother-in-law,

who's actually psycho,

- he owns a dragon.

- I'm sorry, a dragon?

Yeah, like a, like a monster

in his house, like a pet.

Will someone please tell me

what we're talking about?

Toni Plimpton. She was convicted

of k*lling her husband

three and a half years ago,

but it's actually a story

of a young African American

wife and mother,

who was raised in a,

in a country that systematically

kept her down

and locked her up.

Are you talking

about the d*ck Cutter?

Yes. You've heard of her, too?

- Yeah.

- Okay, okay.

She-she nicked

her husband's p*nis once,

but that, but that's not

the whole story.

- Well

- It'd be the whole story for me.

Amber, trust me.

It has everything.

It has g*ns, m*rder, injustice.

So, you want to write a story

about you saving a Black woman?

Uh, no,

the story's not about me.

But the goal is to save her,

right?

From a life of

wrongful incarceration, sure.

She cut a d*ck.

There are consequences

when you do that.

Oh, f*ck off, Pierre.

It reeks of white saviorism.

Right?

Sure.

But maybe we're not

understanding.

Okay?

If Toni was white,

you'd still love the story,

right?

Right, but if Toni was white,

she wouldn't be in prison.

- Fair point.

- Sorry, Beth.

- I don't like the optics.

- The optics?

Since when does Fiona

have to be a wizard

- to write about wizards?

- Dude, what the f*ck?

- Sorry.

- Please tell me you didn't just

equate America's original sin

with Ron Weasley.

Okay, I'm sorry, you guys.

I've been doing this

a lot longer than all of you,

and this is

a huge opportunity.

I just feel like, when do we

ever get to write a story

that's great

and also redeems a human life?

But that's-that's why

we signed up for the job.

Or at least it's why I did.

Fine, but please,

God, keep it short for once.

Oh, thank you.

Mwah! I love you.

Never do that again.

Okay.

- Hey, you owe me.

- I'm sorry. I do. I owe you.

Hi there.

Beth Burgess

to see Toni Plimpton.

Are you a lawyer?

No.

No visits on Thursdays

unless you're a lawyer.

Okay, well, I'm a,

I'm a journalist.

And I'm working

on Ms. Plimpton's case,

so in a way I-I'm like a lawyer.

She's not a lawyer.

Not a lawyer exactly.

No. Look, I need to see

- Toni Plimpton.

- No.

I don't think you understand

the stakes here.

That woman is innocent.

Do you understand Thursday?

No visits on Thursday.

Okay, uh

Could-could I call her?

Or-or could you have her

call me?

That's my card.

Lady, do you get

how a prison works?

I know she has rights.

Uh, this has to be

a violation of her rights.

That's really funny.

Oh, man.

Can you say that again,

just the way you said it?

I want to remember it

to tell it to the guys.

Okay. Go ahead.

Mock me, threaten me.

I'm not leaving

until I see Toni Plimpton, okay?

This is a protest.

So, until you let me in,

I'm-a stay right here,

raising hell!

The body

was found in the area east

Cause of death appears

- to be strangulation.

-: sh*t.

No suspects have been

arrested yet.

And that'll be Denver's

seventh homicide this year.

Tragic stuff.

But on a lighter note,

uh, tonight

I will be accepting my first

Colorado Journalist

Association award,

and I am just so beyond humbled.

And I vow, I vow

to continue bringing you

the stories

that matter most.

De mi corazón a tuya,

as my father used to say,

in heaven.

"From my heart

to yours."

Thank you for that,

Tessa. In other news

Hello again.

Do you happen to know if, uh,

any other journalists

have come by to visit?

Tessa Flores? She's

she's TV-pretty but in person

her head is way too big.

Um

Have you heard

of Susan Burgess?

She wrote a best-selling memoir

called Acts of Devotion,

about a single mom

in the '80s.

Kind of reinvented our concept

of modern motherhood.

Well, I'm her daughter.

Not a big reader? Okay.

Five minutes.

Get off me!

I'm a taxpaying citizen!

I have the right to be here!

Don't come back!

I want my 20 bucks back!

You guys,

I'm so sorry I'm late.

My boss is a total lunatic.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- What, still no table?

- No, they wouldn't seat us

till our whole party's here.

- Geez.

- Yeah.

Why didn't you tell them

I was in the bathroom?

Well, 'cause you weren't

in the bathroom.

Okay, here, Beth.

Before I forget,

I made you some prints

from the other day.

- Oh, wow. Thanks.

- Yeah.

Aw, look at Ellie's little face.

It's crazy how much she looks

like the both of you.

So, what's this Marco tells us,

you're moving to Wyoming?

Wyoming is where white people

go to get k*lled in the woods.

- Yeah, a-all right.

- Yeah, we're not moving

to Wyoming. Right, babe?

Well, I mean,

anything's possible.

- It's not possible.

- They just posted the job today.

It's possible.

- Would you work out there?

- Of course.

No. No. That's why we're not

seriously considering it.

- Yes.

- Besides, I think I just landed

a really big new story, so

- Oh, that's great!

- Yeah.

Wait, hon.

For real this time?

What? Yes, for real this time.

She's coming back.

Excuse me, miss,

we're all here.

Great. Right this way.

All right!

Oh, uh, you guys.

This is gonna take one second.

- No, Beth. No, no, Beth.

- One second.

- One second.

- Beth. Beth, Beth, Beth.

No, no, no. I'm so hungry.

She just went to the bathroom.

may be

recorded and monitored.

To accept this call,

press one or say yes.

- Yes!

- Now.

Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, Toni. Are you there?

Hey, what the hell

do you think you're doing?

Staging a protest or something?

Yeah, I sure am.

I told them I won't leave

until they let us talk.

You f*cking fascists!

I hope you eat your own sh*t!

- Hey, look.

- Sorry, not you.

COs are up my a*s right now.

If you want to help me,

leave me the hell alone.

Toni, listen.

I know the first time

we met was

was weird, and-and

I'm really sorry about that,

but I

I've been diving into your case

and, uh, and doing

my homework and

Listen,

I went to your house.

- My house?

- Yeah.

I met Wyatt,

and-and-and he told me a lot.

I mean, Mile-High Linens?

Yeah, it's a front.

Yeah, obviously.

And-and I found

a bunch of g*ns,

clearly ill*gal g*ns.

Yeah, he's a g*n runner,

I told you.

No, I know,

I know that you did.

And I just

I just wanted to say

that I believe you.

And your story,

I know how to tell it.

Like, I know how to write it

so that you come off innocent.

I aminnocent.

Yes, but the-the world

doesn't know that.

- Beth.

- Listen, I can do this.

I know I can.

I really can do this.

Beth, I gave the story to Tessa.

f*ck.

I mean, she has

a bigger audience.

How is a local

Denver news station

a bigger audience

than the World Wide Web?

And she has, uh,

more credibility.

What did she tell you?

That you got fired

from theChronicle

'cause you misquoted people.

- Put words in their mouths.

- No.

Those were false allegations

made by a lying scumbag.

I was railroaded, okay?

You of all people

should understand that.

Toni, please.

You're making the wrong choice.

I know Tessa Flores.

She's vile.

Yeah, but we watch her in here

every night.

And when she speaks,

people listen.

They believe.

I just want to get back

with my baby girl,

and Tessa is my best chance.

So, that's it?

Look, if you ever get

that tattoo,

you let me know, all right?

Your call has ended.

Goodbye.

I stole these from a table.

- Uh, they look untouched.

- Oh, thank you, Marco.

Work emergency!

Sorry!

Hi, excuse me.

We'll just take a table

for three.

But in a country

where the press is

under as*ault

and where media is no longer

synonymous with objectivity

but instead with bias,

we, all of us here

in this room,

are this nation's last line

of defense

against outrageous

manipulations of the truth.

This award is

for all of you out there

on the front lines,

speaking truth to power.

Just know that I see you.

I see you.

Te veo.

Thank you.

Hi, can I get a

Hello?

Nice. Real nice.

What are you doing here?

Getting a drink.

Tessa Flores taking home

the blue ribbon.

How far we've fallen.

Oh, well,

some of us didn't fall.

- We were pushed.

- Don't.

- Don't dredge it all back up.

- Just admit it.

- I want my fish back.

- Why?

So you can flush it

down the toilet

as soon as it doesn't do

exactly what you want?

I want my reputation back,

Ravi.

I don't suppose you have that

sitting in a glass tank

in your office?

It's a tropical red swordtail,

Beth.

It needs very specific food.

I didn't take your fish.

Look, there's

an exotic pet store

down on 26th and Cherry.

Ask for Pete.

And remember, you're mad at me,

not the fish.

Can I get a g*dd*mn drink?!

Please?

Well, look at you, all

dolled up on my big night.

Is this because of Toni?

It's not my fault

she has brains in her head.

You're just using her.

I'm using her?

I'm using her, wow.

What are you trying to do?

You're trying to

save her precious soul?

She's not just

another piece of crime-porn

to feed to

your perverted fanbase.

Do not tell me

how to do my job.

- You've had plenty of chances.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Fine. Fine.

Just, please look

into Wyatt and the linens.

Okay? There's more there.

It could be a path

to reopening her case.

Thank you, but I'd really

rather just skip

the Beth Burgess master class

for now.

Why don't you, uh, watch this

while I take a piss.

Get reacquainted

with an old friend.

Uh, welcome to

What can I get you?

Can you call 911?

There's a creep following me.

Any-Anything else?

Excuse me, ma'am,

- anything else?

- No.

f*ck this.

Hey! Hey!

- g*dd*mn it.

- Look at my f*cking car!

What the f*ck are you doing?!

What the f*ck are youdoing?!

You followed me.

You tracked me down

- and you followed me?

- Shut up, shut up.

Well, guess what, George,

you picked a real sh*t time

to follow me.

Shut up.

If you need a witness,

I saw the whole thing.

She's clearly nuts.

That's okay.

It's under control.

Thank you, sir. I'm not nuts.

He's a criminal.

- Call the police!

- I said

Shut the f*ck up!

You really know how

to pick 'em, don't you, George?

What was it about me

that made you go,

"Oh, I know,

I'll give her a hard time?"

- What was it?

- Lady,

- keep your f*cking voice down.

- How pathetic do I look?

- I get it! You made your point!

- Oh, my God. Shut the f*ck up.

I'm a husk! I'm a dried-up husk

of a useless woman!

You better calm

- the f*ck down, lady.

- Why?

Why?

So I can spend my life

pumping out babies,

writing wizard stories

in the Tetons?

You go ahead and k*ll me.

Be doing me a favor.

Okay, I will.

Get off me.

Get in the f*cking car.

What, you're really

gonna k*ll me?

Shut up.

Shut up!

You don't push me, okay?

You don't push me!

Nobody pushes me! Okay?

Okay.

- Are you really gonna

- Shut up!

I'm here to tell you

to stay away.

Okay, but you were the

The other day, what you saw

- I didn't see any

- What you saw, you didn't see.

Okay? You didn't see anything,

you didn't hear anything,

because you were never there.

All right?

No more coming around,

no TV show, no cameras.

We don't want any of it.

All right?

I need to hear you say

"All right."

Well, first you tell me

not to talk

- and now you want

- Say "All right"!

All right.

f*ck, you're pretty!

I'm really bloated today.

Shut the f*ck up. You know

you're f*cking beautiful.

f*ck!

Are you okay?

Just stay away from us.

All right?

You can't go with Tessa.

Jesus, Beth,

we've been over this.

She's a vampire.

She's gonna use you

for ratings, for attention,

to ratchet up her own career.

And then, when she gets

what she wants,

she will pull her fangs

from your neck

and let you rot in here.

I'm trying to help you.

Or are you trying

to help yourself?

How do I know

you're not playing me?

Well, how do I know

you're not a m*rder*r?

- I made my decision.

- Okay, wait. Stop, stop.

What the hell are you doing?

What the f?

What?

Is that?

Laila?

My baby.

Yo, where is she?

I can get you back to Laila.

I just

I need your story.

Who the hell are you?

I just want to get you home.

Oh, f*ck. f*ck.