02x01 - A New Rivalry Begins

[bunniefuu]

What's the point of winning
the first season of Prank or Tank

if I don't have anyone to f*ck with?

To each their own,

but Facundo motivated me!

Every day I thought about how to make
that as*h*le's life miserable!

Now... without anyone to f*ck with,
I feel like I'm sinking.

I feel as low as Adal Ramones' career.

Adal Ramones... that's right!

And if I make those two assholes fight

like the dogs they are,

I'll become their f*cking master!

I've got it!

A second season of Prank or Tank!

Your dream came true, you f*cking peons.

Having won the first season,

I'm Adal and Facundo's f*cking master now.

Along with several accomplices,

we came up with some
very f*cking sticky challenges.

Let me go!

It's gonna suck!
It's gonna be very shitty.

-No way, as*h*le!
-Yeah, he's stuck.

All of this to see which one of these two

is the least-worst person
on Mexican television.

Facundo versus Adal Ramones!

Son of a b*tch!

-Don't do it, Adal!
-I'm going insane!

Hey, man!

I'm coming for you!

The king of the blind is here!

Prank or tank?

-Let's prank!
-Let's prank!

Perfect!

-You're putting Adal in the bath.
-No!

You went too far, m*therf*cker!

No!

Now it's time, dickheads.

Let's begin the second season
of Prank or Tank.

PRANK OR TANK

MEXICO CITY

-Facundo! What's up, man?
-I don't believe it!

f*cking Escorpión. You've got some ba*ls.
Gonna give me a rematch or what?

Facundo, the biggest loser
of Prank or Tank.

Strength: Whenever he strains,
he loses his hair.

ESCORPIÓN DORADO
The God of the Internet

Adal! How are you? This is your god,
the Golden Escorpión. All good, buddy?

I'm at an important breakfast.
What do you want?

Adal Ramones, the eternal rookie,
debuting on the show today.

Strength: Rodent smile.

Haven't you heard what
f*cking Facundo said about you?

That you're a lousy has-been,

that you're flailing around
with your mediocre shows, man.

You really haven't heard
what he's saying about you?

That decrepit old man doesn't know
how to get the attention of the press.

That's the least of it, man.

Will you let him get away with it? Really?

-You know what? I'm gonna beat him up.
-Come on, no way.

Except versus that guy,
I don't give a sh*t. What are we doing?

-I'm coming to you.
-I'm where your g*ng is.

-Well, I'm going there.
-Okay.

Sorry. I know it's a great role
with Mr. De Niro, but...

it'll have to wait.

This stupid pair of assholes are easier
than multiplying by zero. Let's go!

Dude. What's up?

Hey! What's up?

Never mind. What's up with this as*h*le?

-Which as*h*le?
-"Which"?

-I know lots of them.
-The president of the as*h*le club.

-Facundo!
-That guy.

I've planned everything
so you can get revenge,

and you can get back at him
once and for all.

-Well, let's get him.
-Let's go, comrade.

-Turns out that the ducks had shotguns.
-Get out of here!

Poor as*h*le!

-He told me to stop...
-What's this as*h*le doing here?

-Relax. There's an explanation.
-You weren't coming for me?

-Get in, ma'am.
-Put the dog in the back.

-Why'd you invite Alfredo Palacios?
-What about Alfredo Palacios?

Are you giving me a rematch
or is this a blind date?

Respect the grey hairs he's just gotten!

Look, I'm an icon!
I'm a f*cking TV and media icon!

-You wish, dumbass.
-Yeah, sure.

So what's going on?

Are you giving me a rematch?
Why'd you bring this as*h*le?

We're not here to talk about me.

-What rematch?
-We're here to solve your problems.

The only problem is what he said.

-What are you talking about?
-Your erectile dysfunction.

Picture this. Adal Ramones versus Facundo!

Facundo versus Adal Ramones!

The match of the century!

Battle of the invalids!

Battle of the elderly!

Don't miss it, on the second season
of Prank or Tank!

Did you already hear?

The winner gets 500,000 pesos

to donate to the charity of their choice.

The question is: Prank or tank?

-Prank.
-Prank.

Very good! This'll be good. You'll see.

-f*ck you!
-Calm down.

Put a lid on this guy.

-Keep the resentment in check.
-His face is gonna get rearranged.

Just keep enough air on him
so he doesn't melt.

Hey, we we've got the first message
from my friends. Listen.

Listen.

I hope you're ready
for everything I've prepared you for.

I can't give anything away,
but I'll give you million-dollar advice.

Don't piss yourselves with excitement.

Recognize that voice?

-I think so, man.
-That's it, buddy.

This pair of dickheads are in
for a surprise with my first accomplice.

Hold on, because it's already starting.

Just look.

What is this?

This f*cking property...

-Is yours!
-No.

No, it belongs to a rebel.

Ready?

You know him. You'll remember now.

We're here!

-What do you think?
-It feels like a safe house.

-Could be.
-No, man, it's Heidi's house.

It could be a safe house because
one of my friends here is an accomplice

-in this t*rture.
-Yeah?

And his name is Christian Chávez!

Mr. Christian.

Christian Chávez!
Actor and member of the pop group RBD.

Reason for vengeance:
Was humiliated on national TV.

I agreed to be in this challenge
with the Golden Escorpión

because I wanted to make life
miserable for someone else.

-We're here with Christian!
-Hey!

I can't believe it! How are you? Beers!

Good, dude.

There's beers over here.

Fine crystal glassware
at Christian's house!

No plastic cup nonsense.

-To you all.
-Okay.

To season two.

Seriously, Christian, thank you.
Because production is in his house,

not yours, man!

See? They think this is a party.

No. It's all good, but you know what?

You're not the hosts here, so...

-He's saying, "Shut the f*ck up."
-Adal...

-Hold on.
-We prepared a surprise to start with.

Go to the locker room and change.

-We'll finish our beer and go, okay?
-Obviously, like an aristocrat.

-Yeah, man.
-Make it worth the trouble.

-That's it. Chug, chug!
-Chug, chug!

-Chug, chug!
-Chug, chug!

That's it.

-All right!
-Adal has a deeper throat than you.

-My brain froze.
-The problem is... what brain?

Go change. You're too casual.

All of you. Go find it.
What's up, Christian?

-What's up?
-Did you set it all up?

All of it, and those guys
have no idea what's going to happen.

-Is the labyrinth ready?
-The labyrinth is ready.

Adal Ramones...

...you made us dress up
as clowns on your show once.

Now I'm going to see you act like a clown.

Type of vengeance: Chilling!

Come on, kids.

-Hey, your house is cool.
-It's different, isn't it?

It's different!

To make all of this legal
and so that no one backs out, etc.,

let's bring out the show's lawyer.

A round of applause!

Volados the lawyer.

The most righteous defender
of the rights of fading stars.

With her, nothing is left up in the air.

What have you brought us here?

Some contracts. You're going to sign them.

No, I'm reading it before I sign.

Oh, come on. It's Prank or Tank, man.

-Come on, just sign it.
-Sign it.

-Sign it quickly!
-I don't want to sign yet.

-Sign it!
-Son of a b*tch!

-Ready. Signed.
-That toast was a f*cking trick.

I'm going to sacrifice my body
in whatever tests are coming.

-Everything clear? Everything legal?
-I'll just...

-Bye.
-Ms. Lawyer...

One last question.

-Adalberto, come back!
-Come here!

-Get with it, Adal.
-I haven't seen my wife in months!

If this is what season two
of Prank or Tank is gonna be like, I'm in!

I'm in, I'm in.

My revenge isn't going to happen
because I'm not up against the Escorpión.

Facundo has the advantage
because he's toxic, like the Escorpión.

I saw the first season
and it was like child's play to me.

Adal, you don't know
what you're getting yourself into.

It's not gonna be spoonfuls of humility...

...it's gonna be buckets.

Start charging up your batteries, dude.

-A round of applause and a toast!
-Cheers!

-Down the hatch!
-Hey man,

-just let me use your bathroom quickly.
-Hey!

It's good that you mentioned that,
Adal Ramones.

It's just that that's the issue...

The bathrooms are inside...

Hell's Death Labyrinth!

Escape the Labyrinth!

To win the challenge,

these lowly servants of the king
will have to fill their bladders,

navigate the labyrinth and urinate
in the bathroom that's in the middle.

On their route,
they'll encounter various characters

who will make them drink more water
for three seconds

or, in some cases,
pee themselves from fright.

The first one to arrive
will receive 100 points.

And the one who pees the most

will receive the Golden Piss prize,
valued at 50 points.

And so it officially begins.

Prank or Tank, season two!

Let's go!

Hey, here we are at the best spot.

It's pretty easy with a guide.

What a cool urinal!

It's just the guest bathroom,
so they don't feel any pressure.

-So you have privacy.
-Yeah, man.

Three, two, one!

-For the f*cking...
-Damn it!

Go away.

-I just did.
-No, I did, as*h*le!

Go away, dude!

We're already here!
Are you making progress?

-Yes!
-m*therf*cker. It's a dead-end.

-I'm really gonna piss myself.
-Get out of the way, assholes!

It's not over there, stupid!
You went the wrong way!

Are you coming over here, moron?

No way!

Son of a b*tch!

I have to drink.

-Three swigs.
-I don't care.

-Drink.
-Why me?

They caught you, damn it.

-Dude, they got you too.
-f*ck!

Stop giving us water!

Let's see, how many seconds?

-There it is. What?
-I'm pissing myself.

-Get closer.
-I was going first!

I decide where I go!

Go away, Mr. Branch.

Who did you watch as a kid?
Which of the two?

-Both.
-Both?

-Yeah.
-And who did you like better?

Neither.

Let's see what time you arrive, dickheads!

Shut up, dummy! It's not so easy.

You're the stupid one.
You don't know where you are.

m*therf*cker.

I'm going backwards!

Escorpión!

I almost ran into this f*ck.

We saw the girl from The Ring!

My cousin.

She's not the girl from The Ring.
She's Christian's cousin.

-Yeah?
-She's already taken.

There, take it.

-The devil already got her.
-It's awful now.

-Did Fac get there yet?
-No one's gotten here!

No!

-Dude, Facundo's yelling.
-No!

He ended up in the same spot.

There's no path through.

I swear.

Fac is there behind me.

They caught him.

f*cking hell.

f*cking Fac, here he comes. Go away! No!

-You can't pass me.
-Why not, dumbass?

Those are the rules.

-Rules are what's keeping you down.
-I'll piss on you.

f*cking Fac, I'm gonna piss on you.

Rotten luck. It's...

No way, man!

No way these people live
in Christian Chávez's house.

One... two...

Come here, Llorona. Say hi, Llorona.

f*cking Llorona.

Adal!

Adalberto!

Facundo, can you hear me?

-We're not gonna...
-Facundo, can you hear me?

The f*ck do you want?

What do you see around you
that can give you clues?

-Hi!
-Come on, now.

-Am I far? I'm pissing myself.
-Warmer, warmer, warmer.

I'm peeing myself. I think I'm close,
but I can't get through.

Come on, let's go forward.

Or to the left?

Let's keep going.

I'm also seeing the guy in red.

Adal, keep going! You're getting warmer!

-Move it. Piss yourself.
-No, you move it.

-Piss yourself.
-No, move.

-Look, as*h*le. No.
-Piss yourself. You can't hold it.

Stop squeezing me. Come on.

That's not in the rules. Let me go!

Let me go! Son of a b*tch.

Son of a b*tch!

-Dude!
-Are you gonna pee or what?

f*ck your... Hey!

He pees when I say so.

Some piss came out!

Remember, there can be
no sex between participants!

-We're not... Stop it!
-Crew, stay there!

-Stay there!
-No, get away, crew!

-Crew! Don't let him through!
-Go away!

We're almost there!

Come on!

You're getting warmer! Warmer!

f*ck yeah!

Facundo is the winner!

Come, let me piss on you!

To make Adal realize
I didn't come to play games.

Facundo wins the first challenge
of the season, totaling 100 points.

Now let's see
who gets the Golden Piss bonus,

because they're not stupid,
but they're not smart either.

What happened, man?

He stepped on my abdomen
and I pissed myself.

-Where?
-Piss already, as*h*le, piss.

-Where, dude? I won.
-You threw me there and got up...

Now you'll complain
that my crew stopped you, man.

It was sabotage.

I regret losing, but there was sabotage.

If you have proof, well, show it.

And if you don't have proof, shut up.

Facundo has won the challenge

but, for extra points, next we have...

The Golden Piss!

The pee is already coming out.
Don't distract him.

Pee is coming out right now.

Don't look at my p*nis!

Part of the challenge
is how far you can go.

He looks like the stickers
on the public buses.

I can't believe it, Adal, I have...

-Let's look.
-Liters and liters.

You're getting to... five lines.
You made it to five lines!

-Pee there if you want.
-That's it, five lines and change.

-That's it!
-Yeah!

If you shake it a third time
it's something else...

Who said I was shaking it off?

-I'm touching myself.
-w*nk*ng it.

The pleasure of winning.

Boom! Take that!

-Welcome to Prank or Tank.
-You're covered in piss.

Son of a b*tch!

-Come on, jerk!
-That's what the show's about!

Let's go, Adal.

Position yourself right.
You have to pee on your side, okay?

-The red side.
-I'm going. Red side!

Red, let's go!

-You've made it to the first line.
-I feel like there's some pushing,

like you have a retracted prostate.

-I'll give you a prostate massage.
-Get away!

-It's coming out very...
-You've made it to the second line, Adal.

Man, I don't have any more.

-Five lines.
-I don't have more!

Rebellious drops are coming out of you.

I'm spitting on Fac. That's it.

-That's it?
-That's it.

-Really? That's all?
-That's it. How much?

Now you drink it!

It's just... Look... Christian Chávez,
can you tell me who the winner is?

-Well, the clear winner here is Facundo.
-Totally.

-Facundo!
-Obvious.

Obvious winner.

-Winner of the challenge and the bonus.
-Thank you.

-There's still another challenge.
-Thanks, idiots!

The victory medal.

I mean, it's a medal you wear
but you eventually throw away.

Gross, dude! You were touching your p*nis!

And an old man p*nis, it seems like.

-From the first challenge!
-Yeah, yeah.

-With the bonus too!
-Get down already!

Setting the precedent
that this is how it will be,

because I remain undefeated

-up to now, today!
-Shut up!

-I'm undefeated!
-Undefeated how?

-It's just the first challenge.
-Who cares! I'm undefeated!

-Go away. Get out.
-Take this.

-Go that way.
-You lost. Thank you.

-Go back.
-Do I have to tell you the way back?

The first challenge of the season
was taken by f*cking Facundo,

as well as the Golden Piss bonus.

My luggage carrier accumulates
a total of 150 points.

I've left everything ready for you
for the second challenge.

I'm going to go start on the punishment.

Yeah? Hell yeah, go. See you there.

The second challenge
of this episode awaits. Let's go.

If you thought the frights were over,

You're gonna be as surprised as Facundo
ordering an extra chili

and seeing my d*ck.

This is another one
of my favorite places, buddy.

-You're leaving the car there?
-Maybe they know him.

Yes, I'm leaving it.

You've got your two b*tches
parking your car.

Which floor?

You're a dumbass.

A f*cking child, dude.

-So immature, you idiot.
-What's your problem?

-Why do you do this bullshit?
-Have fun, damn it.

-What bad vibes.
-We're going to the penthouse.

So lovely.

Don't whack me, dude.

Welcome to Hell's heliport!

-They stretched it out for you.
-No, f*ck.

No, because there's a problem here, man.
One mistake means death.

-I haven't even told you what's up.
-But I'm looking, I mean...

-There are some go-karts.
-What could go wrong?

-Go-karts and a helipad.
-Yes, of course.

-Prank or tank, buddy?
-Sure, we'll f*ck ourselves up, man.

-Yeah, man.
-Are you scared now?

Are you going to go for it or bail?

-First, tell me what's going on.
-Come, I'll explain.

-I don't believe it.
-Don't be a prick.

Vroom, Vroom, Get Up, Get There!

This is about popping

more balloons than your opponent
in three rounds.

We'll re-inflate the balloons
at the beginning of each round,

and in the end,
the guy who's popped the most

will add 100 points to his total.

Let's see if one of those poor b*stards
won't fall off our cliff.

You'll have some shitty swords.

-Each of you. And guess what?
-What?

I have an extra pair,

because if they get too close to me,
I can also pop the f*cking balloons.

-Do you understand the rules?
-Yes!

We made an effort to listen
because it's not so easy.

Yeah, 'cause neither of you
can hold anything in...

-Of the sphincter.
-...will begin

with this one called...

Vroom, Vroom, Get Up, Get There!

I think someone
in production doesn't like us.

There are better ways
to wipe us off the face of the earth.

Really, I'm afraid of dying

while doing something stupid
for a television show.

Three!

Two!

One!

The first round begins!

That's it, f*cking Adal.

Oh, my stars! What the devil?

That idiot is already stuck!

No, did you pop my balloon?

Damn it!

Imagine I have three children.

How did I do with popping the balloons?

Get me, damn it!

No, it's gone!

Time!

We're here with Adal Ramones.
How'd that first round feel?

It's really cool to go around,
seeing the edge of the helipad.

But you have wings, don't worry.
If you fall off, you'll grow wings.

We may be tied, but it's the first round.

And I understood his angle.
Adal's gonna crash alone.

When he crashes,
I'll come and pop the balloons.

It broke in the air,
and look, I'm without a weapon.

Everything looks like its owner.

This is the second round
of the flames of Hell!

Onward!

And action begins
in this second encounter!

The f*cking titans get tangled
and Adal Ramones pops the first balloon!

Adal Ramones centers it
and blocks Facundo!

Hey, as*h*le!

He hits a block and he has it...

Three to zero!

They're tangled up!

Adal needs to get out of there
if he wants to keep his lead!

-No!
-You can't use your hands!

You have to use the sword.

-And Facundo is trying... Nice!
-No!

We made it to round three!

And this is sudden death!

-Okay!
-Ready?

-Yes!
-Three!

Two! One!

Prank or tank!

What are you doing?

Facundo, Facundo!

Adal, Adal!

No, damn it!

My car, the Red Baron,
and I were one and the same.

It was symbiosis. We became one.

And how do I attack? Like a cobra.

Have you seen cobras strike? Like that.

We have a winner!

Calm down.

I'm pissed off. What can I say?
I'm pissed off.

-The winner of this round is...
-Raise it.

-Adal Ramones!
-Yes!

Medieval knights don't say
"Hell yeah, I won." We don't say that.

But, hell yeah, I won! m*therf*cker!

-However...
-However what?

However, let's remember that this episode
had two challenges.

And according to the total points,

the winner of the first episode is...

Facundo!

They brought me a tit, an old man,
a decrepit mummy.

Thank you! Thank you!

No, dude! No way!

-Put me down!
-Let's go to the edge.

-The prize is being sacrificed!
-Don't do it!

Don't do it! Don't do it!

Put me down, idiot!

-No wait, really. What's the punishment?
-They didn't tell you?

No. What's the punishment?

-Popping your balloons for real.
-Hey!

Come on! Vroom, vroom, get up, get there!

I don't give a f*ck about the punishment.

It was so worth it

that you lost this mission
with only 100 points,

while Facundo took the lead with 150.

It's time to learn the punishment

that Christian Chávez
has prepared for Adal.

PUNISHMENT

This is... The Spectacle!

-Come on, everyone.
-Come in.

Another of Christian's properties or what?

I don't think I've been too cruel
with this punishment.

I think there are worse punishments,
and this is rather light.

Unfortunately, Adal, you've lost.

-And here on Prank or Tank, well...
-Is he being thrown out?

-...there's always a punishment.
-I'm gonna fly from here.

-Throwing him out or what?
-The punishment is there.

Oh, no!

You're kidding!

No, no, no! No!

PRANK OR TANK

This season I went all out.

Yordi Rosado, Caeli,

Ojitos De Huevo, Ricardo Peralta,

Paola Rojas.

And a surprise for the grand finale.

You're about to enter... the Old West.

Four... three... two... one!

What a bad place to get shot.

-He k*lled him!
-We k*lled him, Escorpión!

-Let's go, Escorpión!
-He k*lled him.

This is a good time to see who's right.

m*therf*cker, this is my life, dude.

Take that, Adal!

Let me go, f*ck!

You're an as*h*le!

What a lovely family!

No! Not all the cables!

Lord, give us a sign
that we're not gonna die here!

PRANK OR TANK