- So a hall pass is when
you and your partner
allow each other one freebie,
and you get to have sex
with whoever you want.
- Who will be my hall pass?
I'm gonna go with
Oprah, over here, Oprah!
- Kanye West, even though
I don't really like him.
Call me, Ye!
- A certain astronaut.
- I just wanted to know
when the album was
coming out, you know?
- So you're supposed
to pick somebody
who may not be
easily accessible.
When you say Linda from
Starbucks, now we got a problem.
(laughs)
- [Narrator] It's time
to talk about infidelity.
- The topic of infidelity
is one that excites us,
that startles us,
that scares us.
- Everything can go wrong
when you're having an affair.
- [Narrator] You may think
it's just about cheating,
but there's so much more
to this juicy story.
- Up to 98% of people
fantasize about infidelity.
- That's a big number.
- A fantasy is just
that, it's a fantasy.
- [Narrator] Why do we do it?
And how do we feel about it?
- 79% of the global population
disapproves of infidelity.
- Infidelity is only a problem,
if you want it to be a problem.
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] They
happen almost every day,
but we're delving into
the most tantalizing,
and important
affairs of all time,
from White House shockers,
to Hollywood scandals,
and Royal mistresses.
The history of
infidelity is loaded
with mind-blowing,
pant-dropping numbers.
- A majority of people in
relationships do not have sex
outside of their
primary relationship,
but it is a risk that can occur
in all of our
relationships, at any time.
(upbeat rock music)
(rocket blasting off)
(upbeat music)
(people moaning)
(funky music)
- [Hadley] Infidelity is
something you can gossip about,
it's something that
seems kind of scandalous.
And it also taps into
kind of our deepest
subconscious desires.
Infidelity is
nothing new, right?
It's as old as time itself.
- [Narrator] Yup, it's
been around for ages.
And don't worry,
we'll get to that.
But these days, swiping,
liking and DM-ing
are adding extra layers of heat
to an already spicy subject.
- The digital age has
really complicated
everything we think about,
and know about, infidelity.
- [Narrator] Today,
about 39% of couples
in the US meet online.
But you're also 32% more
likely to leave your spouse,
if you use social media.
(door slams loudly)
- Social media's definitely
made it easier to cheat,
especially like,
why is there an app
where you can just delete
all your Instagram messages?
- So much greasy stuff
happens in DM's, like, ugh.
- You don't even have to
leave your house to do it.
- Anytime someone's like,
"Oh, add me on Snapchat,"
I'm like, "You're
cheating on your partner."
Like, "What do you mean
Snapchat, are you 15?"
- The digital age has
definitely made it a lot easier,
because where do you
meet people these days?
Especially in a small town,
I'm not going to go
to the grocery store,
and pick up my
neighbor's husband.
So my name's Jennifer,
and I'm a mom,
I'm a wife, and I have
a lover on the side.
(record scratches)
(crowd gasps)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] $12.37 billion.
That's what the global online
dating industry is worth.
If you were to
count $1 per second,
it would take over 350 years
to tally all that cash.
On the flip side,
it takes just one click of
a mouse to threaten it all.
- In the early
2000s, online dating
started to gain
credibility and validity.
It was seen as a useful
means to meet a life mate.
But one of the stats
that really stood out
was that up to 30% of
profiles, were in fact,
married people
pretending to be single.
And that became that
light bulb moment,
and really was the impetus
behind Ashley Madison.
- So Ashley Madison is a
total dirt bag website,
where if you are married,
you can go and find a partner
to have an affair with.
(woman moans)
- On the one hand, these
are just technologies
that are helping people
perhaps find what they want.
The concern, on the other hand,
is that when these platforms
are helping people lie to
their primary relationships,
that that can create
a lot of problems
for individuals and couples.
- I'm sorry.
(loud slap)
(loud police siren)
- Our job at Ashley Madison
isn't to convince you
that having an affair
is a good idea.
It's more to convince you
that if you're going to,
how best to do it.
Don't do it in the workplace,
because you risk your
marriage and your career,
don't do it in your social
circles, for the same reasons,
have an affair with
another married person
who has as much risk.
If I'm married and
you're married,
and we have an affair,
neither one of us
is going to act to cause the
relationship to be exposed.
- [Narrator] Members may
not expose each other,
but that doesn't mean
their secrets are safe.
One fateful morning in 2015,
the company receives a
warning message from hackers.
They've stolen the
customer database,
and want the site
shut down in 30 days.
- And if we didn't do so, they
were gonna release the data.
- The internet provides
ample opportunity
for those seeking illicit sex.
But as the users of the
website, Ashley Madison,
have found out, that
can bring with it
the increased risk
of being found out.
(screaming)
(funky music)
- [Narrator] Ashley Madison
launches an investigation,
but keeps the site up.
- We never considered
shutting down.
- [Narrator] True to their
word, the anonymous hackers
release names, email addresses,
and sexual preferences
of 30 million people in
more than 40 countries.
- [Hadley] So the internet
has made infidelity,
in lot of ways, a
much riskier thing,
'cause it's much easier
to make a private thing
very, very public,
very, very quickly.
(gasps)
- [Narrator] Ashley Madison
offers a $500,000 bounty
for info on the hackers.
More than a dozen
lawsuits are filed,
claiming close to $600
million in damages.
- People were hacked
and blackmailed,
and lives ruined over this
supposedly secure site.
- What's funny about
the Ashley Madison hack
is that it didn't actually
tank the company at all.
- The media coverage
that sustained that story
also showed people
that we existed.
- [Narrator] Within
five years of the hack,
Ashley Madison grows
its membership,
by more than 40%, to
70 million subscribers.
- So the reports of our
demise were a bit early.
- I think what it really
tells you is that people,
at their base, are
primal creatures,
looking to seduce and be
seduced and for a thrill.
- [Narrator] But just
how many people cheat
to get that thrill?
- When we ask people
whether or not
they've committed infidelity,
the numbers are
all over the map,
and studies range from
5% to 85% of people.
Now you might say,
"Well, how on Earth
do we have such a wide variety?"
One of the tricky
things about infidelity
is there isn't a real
standard definition
that everyone agrees on.
- Have I ever
cheated on someone?
Define cheating.
- Infidelity is like
anything, like physical,
that's cheating,
emotional cheating,
fire flames on
Instagram stories.
- It's the breaking of
an emotional contract.
"Hey, my pee pee and your
pee pee are the only ones
that are gonna do the pee
pee stuff, so" (laughs)
- Watching porn, I mean, I
don't think that's infidelity.
Dr. Phil thinks it's
infidelity, I think he's wrong.
(woman moans)
- [Male Speaker] Agreed.
- [Narrator] Okay, clearly
we need an expert here.
- For the most part, people
think of it as a transgression
from a committed relationship.
It's usually assumed that
there's something sexual
about that interaction.
- [Narrator] Finally,
a simple definition.
- But even that can be
a little bit tricky,
and it doesn't mean
sexual intercourse.
Does it include oral sex?
Doesn't include kissing?
What about hugging,
cuddling, holding hands?
What about emotional infidelity?
Is it really infidelity if
you talk to your coworker
about some of your emotional
needs, or your concerns,
or the highs and
lows in your life?
- Really should be a
case-by-case basis,
by whatever the couple decides.
- You've gotta talk about it,
you have to talk about it.
My God, you have
to talk about it.
- [Narrator] Communication,
yes, that makes sense.
Now we're getting somewhere.
- One of the remarkable things,
when we look at studies
on relationships,
is that most couples
don't ever actually
talk about infidelity.
- [Narrator] And when
he says "most couples",
he means it.
- [Female Speaker] Want to talk?
- [Male Speaker] No.
- [Narrator] 70% choose
not to discuss infidelity
over dinner, or ever.
- I think the reason most
people don't talk about it
is because we're afraid
to talk about it.
"If we talk about infidelity,
am I gonna learn that
perhaps you thought about it,
or have engaged in it,
or perhaps you think that
I might engage in it?"
- (sobs) How can you
do do this to me?
- [Narrator] It is a
scary talk to have,
especially since infidelity
and judgment go hand-in-hand.
In a poll of 39 countries, 79%
of people consider infidelity
to be morally unacceptable.
- 79% Of people
disapproving of infidelity.
I mean, you'd figure
it would be more,
like you'd figure it would be
everyone would not be a fan.
But like, I guess some people
are out here just like, "Woo!"
- [Narrator] In
Turkey and Pakistan,
the disapproval rating
jumps to more than 90%.
Whereas in Germany, there is
a more lax attitude at 60%.
Americans skew higher at 84%,
and consider having an
affair to be morally worse
than gambling, human cloning,
and testing on animals.
- [Male Speaker] Mittens.
- I think a lot of people say
they disapprove of infidelity,
because they don't want
to look like bad people.
- People like to
point the finger.
I think people do
it out of jealousy.
Like Tiger Woods, every time
he walks out of his house,
there's a busload
of Scandinavian-9s
ready to do unspeakable
things to him.
- [Male Speaker]
Fore! I mean nine!
- Do you think those
guys don't wish
those opportunities
are available for them?
Of course they do.
You just can't, so
what do they do?
(mumbles indistinctly)
Give me the vag*na.
You know?
- [Narrator] Well, that's
one way of looking at it.
Here's another,
people disapprove
because it's a betrayal
of romantic love,
which is a relatively
new marital concept.
- Marriage used
to be a contract,
an agreement, an arrangement,
between families,
or tribes, or clans; love
had nothing to do with it,
up until probably
the 18th century.
- I think this notion
of romantic love
made affairs all
the more painful,
because now you were the
person who had fallen in love,
and now they were falling
in love with somebody else.
- [Narrator] And these
days, finding somebody else
has never been easier.
(whimsical music)
- People are using
social media platforms
to connect with old flames,
but also to meet new
potential partners.
And that can often be a
challenge to a relationship.
If you have a sense that
there are these endless supply
of other potential partners,
we can start to stop investing
in our primary relationship.
- [Female Speaker]
Too many choices.
- [Narrator] In the
US, Facebook is cited
in one out of every
five divorces.
- That really shows you what
a pull the internet has.
- [Narrator] Up to 25% of
people swiping right on Tinder
are already in a
committed relationship.
And WhatsApp messages
are presented as evidence
in 40% of adulterous
divorce cases in Italy.
- [Male Speaker] Mamma mia!
- The thing that makes
the internet so seductive
to folks who want to cheat,
is that it's anonymous,
it's cheap, and it's accessible.
(electronic beeping)
(presidential fanfare)
- [Narrator] So it
seems the digital age
has made it easier
for us to cheat.
But there's one group of guys
who have always
found it pretty easy.
- Presidential scandals
are as American
as apple pie and baseball.
- [Narrator] Hush
money, interns, affairs.
It's hard to remember a time
when presidential scandals
didn't dominate the headlines.
(crowd booing)
- Men in positions of power,
seeking sex outside their
primary relationship,
is something as old as time.
- [Narrator] But for
almost 100 years,
their indiscretions
were kept secret,
protected by one
hell of a bro code.
- "You scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours."
- [Male Speaker]
Oh, that's good.
- [Narrator] In 1917,
20-year-old, Nan Britton,
goes to a hotel in New York.
She's meeting a
married 51-year-old,
US Senator Warren G Harding.
- [Male Speaker] Hey, toots.
- He once said to reporters,
"It's a good thing
I'm not a woman,
because I'd always be
pregnant, I just can't say no."
- [Narrator] They check
in under false names.
- [Male Speaker] Enjoy
your stay, Mr. Casanova.
- [Narrator] Then ride the
elevator together in silence.
(upbeat elevator music)
- And she said she wore
a little pink dress
that he loved, because he loved
when she looked very young.
(record scratches)
- [Male Speaker] Gross.
- [Narrator] While
tangled in the sheets,
detectives bust in.
(pounding on door)
- [Detective] Hands in the air!
- [Narrator] Demanding
to know if Nan is 21,
the age of consent; she's not.
- [Male Speaker] Uh-oh.
- And it's said that
Harding yelled, you know,
like, "Let go of the girl,"
or something dramatic.
And then they
realize, "Oh my God,
this isn't just any
Joe-Schmoe cheater.
This is Senator
Harding of Ohio."
- [Narrator] They apologize,
and back out of the room.
- And as we know, people in
power get away with a lot more.
- [Narrator] The
affair continues.
Nan gets pregnant, and gives
birth to their daughter.
(baby crying)
Warren doesn't meet her,
but promises to provide
financial support for life.
- [Male Speaker] Go buy
yourself something nice.
- [Narrator] One year later,
he becomes the 29th President
of the United States.
And Nan is regularly snuck
into the White House.
- [Hadley] They'll have sex
on the White House couch.
- [Male Speaker] Don't
stain the leather.
- [Hadley] They have
sex in the closet.
- [Female Speaker] Ow,
it's cramped in here.
- [Hadley] And it's just
a very intense affair.
(kissing noises)
- [Narrator] Then in 1923,
her world falls apart.
Warren dies suddenly,
without a will.
- Like many
mistresses over time,
there was no money for her.
And when she sought it
out from the family,
she was rebuffed.
- [Narrator] Desperate
for money, she writes
a tell-all book
called "The
President's Daughter",
but no publisher is
willing to take it on.
- [Female Speaker] She's a liar.
- Nobody really believes her.
The DC elite say, you know,
"She's just a
fame-hungry floozy,
trying to get her 15 minutes."
- [Narrator] A United
States Congressmen
tries to ban the
sale of the book.
New York City police
raid the plant
where it's being printed.
(police sirens)
It's a massive uphill battle,
but Nan persists, and
eventually the book is released.
- The reviewers are mostly male,
Nan's story was very
much discounted.
- [Narrator] Even in death,
the press had Warren
Harding's back.
- [Hadley] From the
Harding administration,
all the way to
the Kennedy years,
there's kind of this
good-old-boy network in DC,
who really keep the Presidents'
indiscretions under wraps.
It was a game of
power-play, right?
"If you help me, I help you."
And so the media didn't want
to diminish these Presidents,
because that's how
they made their living.
Also though, you
have to look at this
as part of the patriarchy,
and it wasn't
considered as big a deal
that you cheat on
your wife back then;
women weren't considered
as important as men were.
- [Narrator] That vile
attitude and power dynamic
keeps the bro-code kicking
for the better part
of the 20th century.
(machine whirring)
- Out of 17 presidents,
from 1900 to 2000,
how many do I think
committed infidelity?
- I would say 90% of them.
- I think all of them.
- I would say like all of them,
except Jimmy Carter,
Jimmy Carter was a Saint.
- Let me think
about that, oh wait,
I don't have to, all of them.
- [Narrator] Well, not quite.
- One in three
American Presidents
committed adultery
in the 20th century.
And that's who we know of.
I mean, who knows
what we don't know of?
- Lyndon B Johnson
supposedly slept
with four of his
six secretaries.
- He was known to be very proud
of his very large
p*nis, I believe.
There's White House tapes of him
where he talks about his
trousers being too tight.
(dial tone)
- [Lyndon] Now, another
thing, the crotch,
down there where
your (beep) hang,
is always a little too tight.
So when you make them
up, give me an inch,
so I can let out there,
because they cut me.
It's just like
riding a wire fence.
(dial tone)
- Why do Presidents and
affairs go together?
I think like, you
know, affairs happen
out of power and ego, and
Presidents can nuke the world.
So that's quite a bit of power,
and I imagine if you could
destroy the world with a button,
(loud explosions)
you got quite a bit of ego.
- I think a lot of these
Presidents have looked to women
to kind of relax,
and take a load off,
and feel kind of like
a central man again.
And not this kind of monolithic
authoritative figure.
- You know what, if that's
the stress relief it takes
to not launch all
the nukes, go for it.
- [Narrator] I mean, I
hear exercise is excellent
for stress release, just saying.
(silly sounds)
Anyways, back to
philandering Presidents.
(upbeat orchestral music)
In January, 1998, bill
Clinton is accused
of having an affair
with Monica Lewinsky,
a 22-year-old
White House intern.
(upbeat orchestral music)
- I did not have sexual
relations with that woman.
- [Narrator] The government
launches an investigation,
turns out he did have sexual
relations with that woman.
And eight months later, The
Starr Report is released,
outlining all the details.
(slow jam music)
- The Starr Report was
very steamy and salacious,
and people were reading it
to almost be like a porn.
- [Male Speaker]
(moaning) Oh, Bill.
- [Narrator] When
it's posted online,
the internet has its
first mega moment.
- [Sarah] In the US, it
accounted for something like
25% of the internet
traffic that day.
It went viral before
viral was even a thing.
- [Narrator] A few months later,
Lewinsky does an interview
with Barbara Walters.
It's viewed by 70
million people.
- [Male Speaker] Wow!
- It was the biggest
media get of the decade.
And people get obsessed
with, you know,
what lipstick she was wearing?
- [Female Speaker]
It's Lover's Rouge.
- [Hadley] What that infamous
stained dress looked like,
what her hair looked like.
- [Narrator] By Bill's
time, the bro-code was gone.
- The media doesn't really
think it's their job
to look the other way, when
there's major indiscretions
happening amongst men in power.
- [Narrator] But apparently
he didn't need it.
Despite all the publicity,
or maybe because of it,
when Clinton leaves office,
he has the highest
approval rating
of any departing President; 66%.
- [Female Speaker]
We love you, Bill.
- [Narrator] Had he
been born in France,
that number may have
been even higher.
- The French have always had
a very relaxed view
towards infidelity.
(kissing sounds)
(accordion music)
- There's a famous
French expression, that,
"Sometimes the chains of
marriage are too heavy
to be born by two,
so it takes three."
One of them is the mistress.
(Presidential fanfare music)
- [Narrator] Ah, France, the
country of the double kiss
and the blind eye.
- So what's amazing
is that, in France,
only 47% of the population
disapproves of infidelity.
- I'm not even surprised,
French are freaky.
- The French have been known
as lovers for how long?
- "We just have so much love,
we have to give it to
like, anyone around,
and then my wife." (laughs)
- They're also way more
chill, drink a lot of wine.
- I don't know why the
French are so famous
for their like,
sexual libertinism.
- [Narrator] Well, James,
it may have something to do
with a woman named
Jeanne, and the number 15.
As in, Louis XV.
In 1745, Jeanne waves
goodbye to her husband
and infant daughter.
- [Female Speaker]
Au revoir, mon amour!
- [Narrator] She's
going to a costume ball
at the Palace of Versailles.
It's a night she's
been dreaming of
and preparing for,
her whole life.
- [Female Speaker]
Nothing will stop me!
- She was this beautiful,
very intelligent,
very cultured,
middle-class French woman.
And she was obsessed with trying
to catch the eye of the King.
- In the 1700s, in France,
there was an expectation
that women of a
certain social standing
could be trained
to be mistresses.
(woman gasps)
- [Narrator] Yeah, that's right.
Young women were groomed
to be Royal side-chicks.
- [Male Speaker] So,
come to the castle often?
- [Narrator] King Louie
XV's mistress had died
just a few months
before the ball,
but after spotting Jeanne,
he's ready to move on.
- [Louie] And I'm fine.
- [Narrator] He invites
her to live at the palace.
- Although she and her husband
had a loving relationship,
she had told him
that the only person
that she would leave on for,
would be the King;
famous last words.
(upbeat electronic music)
- [Narrator] She moves
into an apartment
directly above King
Louis's chambers.
Their rooms are connected
by a secret staircase.
She forms a friendship with
Louie's wife, Queen Marie.
- [Both Women] Besties!
- What? Sorry. (laughs)
No, I could not be friends
with my partner's mistress.
- I could definitely be friends
with the partner's mistress.
We could like share stories
about sexual mishaps.
I think that's hilarious.
- Okay, if she was
like super rich,
and like, was funding
both of our lives,
and like, ordered
us a private chef,
and got me a car, maybe.
(upbeat music)
(energetic fanfare music)
- [Narrator] The King
gives Jeanne a fancy title,
"The Marquise de Pompadour",
but most call her "Madame".
(applause)
(upbeat music)
- Being a Royal mistress,
especially in France,
was a career option.
And you see a lot
of the mistresses
writing to their family members,
saying the court is exhausting.
It was about bringing fashion
and culture to a court,
that oftentimes, the
Queen didn't supply.
(camera whirring)
- [Elizabeth] Being an official
mistress was, in many ways,
more powerful than
being a Queen.
She had critics who were
allied with other women
who wished to replace her.
It was a scary, scary situation,
because you had the job now,
but there were many other
women jockeying to get it.
(sips drink loudly)
- [Narrator] After
about five years,
Madame de Pompadour's
health starts to decline.
- [Louie] You up? I'm dying.
- [Narrator] She
suffers from migraines
and recurring bronchitis,
her libido is shot.
Her steamy affair turns
into a platonic friendship.
- [Jeanne And Louis] Besties!
- [Narrator] She moves to an
apartment on the ground floor,
no secret staircase here.
- She didn't panic.
What she did was
she made herself
as attractive to Louis XV in
every other way that she could.
She sat in on the equivalent
of cabinet meetings.
She was an advisor, a
trusted, smart advisor.
- [Narrator] She remains
his top confidant
until she dies in her
early 40s of pneumonia.
- Madame de Pompadour
has gone down in history
as one of the most
successful mistresses ever.
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] And there
were plenty of others
that did all right, too.
Cora Pearl was one of Paris's
most famous courtesans
in the 1860s.
She had a nine-year affair
with Prince Jerome Bonaparte.
- So courtesans were kind
of elevated sex workers.
- [Narrator] Cora's
suitors paid 10,000 francs
for an evening of her company.
That's equivalent to
roughly $50,000 today.
- So courtesans were also
really smart business women,
and most of them
signed contracts with
long-term protectors.
So even if the affair stopped,
even if the suitor died,
they kept getting payments
for services rendered.
- [Female Speaker]
I'll take that.
- [Male Speaker] What the heck?
- [Narrator] Of course,
not all philandering
French Royals chose women.
Henry III took his favorite
male courtiers to bed.
They were known as "Les Mignon",
French for "the darlings".
- The Mignons were
famous for dressing
in a very outlandish
way, lots of makeup,
and went around as a big
group, spending time together.
- [Male Speaker] Boys' night!
- [Narrator] Napoleon III, who
had at least four mistresses,
was overthrown in
the w*r of 1870,
the last Monarch to
rule over France.
- Just because
there's no more Kings,
that doesn't stop powerful
men from continuing
to have affairs, to this day.
(French instrumental music)
- [Narrator] In 2014, a
French magazine publishes
an expose on President
Francois Hollande's
alleged affair with Julie Gayet,
an actress 18 years his junior.
- [Male Speaker] Outrageous.
- [Narrator] 77% of
the public disapproved,
but maybe not in
the way you think.
They're not disgusted
by the President,
they're disgusted by the media.
- [Female Speaker]
Ey, leave them alone.
- In, for example, North
America, he'd had a mistress,
(gasps), "He cheated, oh no!"
But in France they'd say,
"Yes, well, (French phrase)."
- [Narrator] A French
court orders the magazine
to pay Gayet some $20,000
for breach of privacy.
And at the height
of the scandal,
the President's
popularity actually climbs
by two percentage points.
- [French Man]
Hey, I'll take it.
- I don't necessarily think
that the French attitude
is a better way of life.
There's still the expectation
that it's predominantly men
engaging in these extra-marital
relationships, not women.
And so unless they can
redesign this system
to be more gender egalitarian,
I'm not going to say that
they have it figured out.
- [Narrator] Which raises
a very important point.
When it comes to infidelity,
the playing field is not equal.
- Women always get the
raw end of the deal.
- What are some
of the nicknames,
to guys that get
a lot of ladies?
Stud, master of the
universe, father of dragons.
Do you want me to keep going?
- The man, that's a good one.
- Like a Lothario or a gigolo.
- [Female Speaker] Ooh.
- A woman who gets
a lot of guys,
they wouldn't even
phrase it that way.
A woman who sleeps around,
sl*t, wh*re, or easy.
- Ooh, some of those
aren't mentionable.
- Oh, I feel like that's where
the double standard comes in
Promiscuous, or a
wh*re, like whatever.
All the really,
really ugly words.
- [Narrator] And
things get even uglier
when that double standard
is applied to infidelity.
Almost 4,000 years
ago, 282 legal rules
were etched on
this stone pillar.
It's called the
Code of Hammurabi.
And it states that a man can
commit adultery penalty free,
as long as it's not
with another man's wife.
But if a woman has an
affair, she can be k*lled.
(g*n fires)
- It would be unimaginable, now,
for a woman to steal
a chocolate bar,
and a man to steal
a chocolate bar,
and it's a crime for one,
but not for the other.
(police sirens)
- [Narrator] Even
more unimaginable,
a King committing m*rder because
of one little chromosome.
But that happened, too.
In 1526, Anne Boleyn
is being wooed
by Henry VIII, King of England.
- King Henry XIII fell madly,
totally obsessively in
love, with Anne Boleyn.
He had been married
for many years
to a very noble, upright woman.
She kept having children,
and she couldn't have sons.
And Henry was
infuriated by this.
- [Narrator] Anne
knows Henry quite well.
- [Henry] Hey, girl.
- [Narrator] He had already
had an affair with her sister.
- [Narrator] But Anne
wants more than a fling.
- Anne refused to
sleep with the King
if he didn't marry her.
- Henry XIII is
living in a country
that follows the
Catholic church.
The Catholic church
does not allow divorce.
And so as a King who thinks,
"No one can tell me no,"
he decides to start
his own church
that would allow him to get
a divorce and marry Anne.
- [Female Speaker] What?
(paper tearing)
- [Narrator] A few months later,
with a ring on her finger,
and a bun in the oven, Anne
is crowned Queen of England.
But then it goes downhill fast.
(marriage music winds down)
- Anne Boleyn's real sin was
that when she had a baby,
it was a girl.
(baby babbles)
- [Sarah] It's the
sperm, not the egg,
that dictates the biological
sex of the offspring,
but she's blamed
for her inability to
give him a male heir,
and the easiest way to get
rid of her, at this point,
it's not divorce, but m*rder.
- [Narrator] Henry accuses Anne
of having multiple affairs.
- Totally false charges.
- [Narrator] And
orders her execution.
(melancholy music)
If divorcing was
hard for a King,
it was next to
impossible for a woman.
In the 1700s, to be granted a
divorce in Colonial America,
women need to prove
their husbands
have engaged in multiple
acts of infidelity.
Whereas men need
proof of just one act.
- [Male Speaker] Saw you
looking at him funny.
- [Narrator] Even
if women could prove
their husbands were
serial adulterers,
very few sought divorce.
- So during the 16 and 1700s,
women were financially
dependent on men.
- [Female Speaker]
I'm outta here.
- [Hadley] So this meant they
had to put up with infidelity,
no matter how much it hurt them.
(man laughs mirthlessly)
Because where would you go?
What would you do, if you
didn't have any other options?
- [Narrator] That
starts to change
as more women enter
the workforce.
Between 1960 and 1983, the
number of working women doubles.
- [Female Speaker] Yes!
- [Narrator] And so
does the divorce rate.
- [Female Speaker] Yes?
- If a woman is
financially independent,
she doesn't have to stay
in a Loveless marriage,
and she can leave a partner
who is cheating on her.
- [Narrator] Let's go, girls.
By 2010, married women are 40%
more likely to have an affair
than they were in 1990.
- So although for a long time,
we would say that men had
higher rates of infidelity,
what we're starting to
see is that men and women
have fairly similar
rates in infidelity.
- [Narrator] Most people
think men cheat for sex,
(moaning)
and women cheat for
emotional intimacy.
- [Female Speaker]
Babe, can we talk?
- [Narrator] But in 2019,
Ashley Madison polled
2,000 of its female members,
and got some surprising results.
- And it really
flipped the script,
in terms of our understanding
of what drives someone
to have an affair.
- [Narrator] 64% of
women said they felt
sexually neglected by
their primary partner.
- Men, if you don't want your
spouse to have an affair,
(yawns)
you need to discuss with them
what they want in the bedroom.
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] 44% Said the
primary reason for cheating
is a desire for more
frequent, or interesting, sex.
- I think people should
definitely approach
the topic of infidelity
with more empathy,
because you need to
know the whole picture.
(Bridal Chorus by Wagner)
- [Narrator] That picture
starts for Jennifer
at the age of 33, when she
decides to settle down.
- I wanted babies, and
I didn't go for a man
that I was passionate about.
I had an expectation that,
even if you choose a nice guy,
you will eventually develop
some sort of passion.
- [Narrator] But
that doesn't happen.
(record scratches)
- [Jennifer] Having
sex every few months
wasn't okay by my standards.
It had always been
an issue for us.
- [Narrator] She decides
to leave the marriage,
but sudden news stops
her in her tracks.
Her husband is diagnosed
with Alzheimer's.
- [Jennifer] I decided
that I would stay.
During one of his lucid moments,
he said to me that I was really
angry with him all the time.
And I said, "Well, I need sex,
I need companionship,
I need conversation."
And he said, "I can't
give those to you,
so I guess you need to
search elsewhere for those."
(keyboard keys clacking)
When you start an affair, you
definitely have that rush,
because all of a sudden I have
these warm, fuzzy feelings,
and someone that's
interested in me in that way.
(kissing sounds)
Once I had settled into a
relationship with someone,
I did tell my kids.
It's important for
me to be honest,
because that's one
of my core values.
And I look at sex as
a form of self-care,
and I feel that it's helped
improve my relationship at home.
For a person with
a high sex drive,
that's an outlet that I need.
Divorce, for me, was
not the right choice,
for a few reasons.
One, was because of my
husband's condition.
Nobody else in his
family is interested
in even admitting
to the problem,
so who else is gonna
take care of him?
I wanted to model
compassion to my children,
and he's my friend.
He still is as much of a friend
as he's capable of being.
(melancholy piano)
- [Narrator] Today, the
consequences for infidelity
aren't quite as harsh as they
were for women in the past.
- My sister won't
talk to me anymore,
because she found out about
it, and doesn't agree with it.
- [Narrator] But there
are still plenty of risks
for everyone involved.
- [Justin] So there
are things like
sexually transmitted infections.
Perhaps your partner finds
out, and can act out,
perhaps maybe they even have
a partner that can find out.
In some cases, there's
violence and even death.
(dramatic music)
(screams)
- [Narrator] If
infidelity is so risky,
why do so many
people still do it?
- [Hadley] People
are gonna do stuff,
even if they get caught.
They just have this
natural impulse to be bad,
and to explore outside
their limited surroundings.
We're maybe not meant to
be monogamous creatures.
(ring clatters on table)
- [Narrator] Ah, the
M-word, monogamy;
two people, one
committed relationship,
zero sex with anybody else.
- I think some people
are wired for monogamy,
but most people, no.
- I don't like using the
term "wired" for like
it's just like we're
programmed for it.
- But if we're
wired for monogamy,
we wouldn't cheat
as much as we do.
It's nonsense.
- I think just like
any of our genetics,
everyone's a bit different.
- [Narrator] I wonder
what Elizabeth Taylor
thought about it.
She had 10 engagements,
8 weddings, 7 husbands,
7 divorces, and at
least 2 affairs.
And while her story was
on the complicated side,
relationships and
infidelity are never simple.
- We know that we have the
architecture in our brain,
and in our bodies, to form
these intense relationships.
When it gets challenged
because of betrayal,
that can be really
hard for individuals.
- [Narrator] In 1962,
Elizabeth Taylor is filming
the movie, "Cleopatra in Rome".
- [Male Speaker]
Quiet on the set!
- [Narrator] Her co-star
is Richard Burton,
a notorious Playboy
known for getting
his leading ladies
between the sheets,
even though he's married.
- [Female Speaker] Oh, Richie!
- It's she said
that the first thing
Burton said to Liz Taylor was,
"Did you know, you're
a very pretty girl?"
And she went back and said
to all of her friends,
"What a line."
- [Narrator] Elizabeth is
already on her fourth husband,
and vows not to become another
notch in Burton's belt,
but the attraction is
too much to resist.
- The real magic happens-
- [Male Speaker] Action!
- during their first
on-screen kiss.
(kissing sounds)
- [Male Speaker] Oh,
my God, get a room!
- [Hadley] And it's
said that they started
kissing on camera, and
they couldn't stop.
And that the
director kept saying,
"Cut, do you want to go to
lunch, do you mind if we cut?"
And they just kept
kissing each other.
- [Narrator] The
Italian paparazzi catch
wind of the affair,
and start stalking
the Hollywood duo.
- It becomes front page
news all over the world,
the story of Liz and d*ck.
But I think they
really loved the effect
they had on scandalizing,
kind of the everyday,
middle-class,
boring folks of the world.
- [Narrator] And
scandalize they did.
Even the Vatican chimes in,
accusing Liz of erotic vagrancy.
- Elizabeth definitely got the
heat, as kind of this hussy,
and this serial man-stealer.
- [Narrator] She's judged by
the world, with many wondering,
"What is going on in
that woman's head?"
The scientific answer is
(drum roll)
(crashing cymbal)
A lot.
The human brain weighs
just three pounds,
but is packed with about
100 billion neurons.
And when it comes
to relationships,
it controls three
important departments.
Our sex drive,
which motivates us to seek
a range of mating partners.
Romantic love, which
focuses our mating energy
on a single person at a time.
- [Male Speaker] Be mine?
And deep attachment,
which enables us to remain
with someone long-term.
- [Female Speaker] I do.
- [Narrator] But here's the rub.
Those departments don't
always work well together,
which is why some people
can lay in bed at night,
feeling deeply attached
to their partner,
and also be fantasizing about
a one-night stand in Ibiza.
- Okay, 80% of women
fantasize about infidelity,
and 98% of men fantasize
about infidelities.
- The 98% of men fantasizing
about cheating, is like,
that's right in line with
my expectations. (chuckles)
- Those numbers are
they're weird to
me, 'cause I'm like,
"I've never thought
about that before."
- I feel like 20% of those
women are lying. (laughs)
- And I'm like, "I
know lots of people,
all of you were
thinking about it."
Oh no, that's weird.
- People have higher rates
of fantasy about infidelity.
And I think if we think of the
science behind relationships,
and monogamy, and infidelity,
that's not entirely surprising.
- [Narrator] Just 3%
of the 6,000 species
of mammals on Earth
are monogamous.
- [Male Speaker] That's it?
- [Narrator] we're
part of that 3%.
But we haven't always been.
(upbeat music)
Our hominid ancestors
were polygynous,
meaning one male mated
with multiple females.
- [Male Speaker] Ooh, nice.
- [Narrator] But then
about 4 million years ago,
we shifted towards monogamy.
- At that point in our
evolutionary history,
our ancestors were starting
to walk more bipedally,
and that is, walk
up on two legs.
- [Narrator] Now Mamas couldn't
just throw their babies
on their backs to collect
food, or run from predators.
- [Male Speaker] Oh, Dad, help!
- [Narrator] They needed help.
- And that became
a critical moment
for the survival of our species.
- If females didn't have help,
they may be only able to have
a child once every 10 years.
But by recruiting
the male partner
to invest in his own offspring,
females could have a baby
every two to three years,
that's how we have 7
billion plus people
on the planet today.
- [Narrator] Our
evolution into monogamy
wasn't all that romantic, huh?
Which could help
explain the 7-year itch.
- [Paul] Marilyn Monroe
made the 7-year itch famous
in one of her movies.
The idea that within
seven years of a marriage,
that men, in particular,
are going to outgrow
the confines of monogamy,
and start having a wandering
eye, looking elsewhere.
- [Narrator] Although,
according to research,
the itch may, in
fact, come sooner.
(elephant trumpeting)
In the late 1980s, an
American anthropologist,
named Helen Fisher,
conducts a study to find out
if the 7-year itch
really exists.
She analyzes worldwide data,
and discovers three
divorce peaks.
Number one, when couples are
between the ages of 25 and 29,
smack dab in the middle of
their reproductive years.
Number two, when they've got
just one child, or no children.
And number three, when
they've been married
for four years.
Time for a reboot!
- That timeframe coincides
with how long it takes
to engage in courtship,
establish a committed
relationship,
for a couple to get
pregnant, to produce a child,
and at least, initially,
rear that offspring.
- [Narrator] It's similar
to what socially monogamous
animals do in the wild: pair
up, raise their young together,
then split, and find a new
mate for another cycle.
- [Male Fox] See ya! It
was good while it lasted!
- [Narrator] Interestingly,
Elizabeth Taylor
had three biological children
with two different men.
She stayed with the father
of her two eldest
sons for four years.
And when her youngest
child was four,
Elizabeth began her affair
with Richard Burton.
- When they broke up,
Elizabeth Taylor said,
"I don't want to ever be
that in love ever again."
I mean, they got married twice.
Elizabeth Taylor
always said she felt
they would have been married a
third time, had Burton lived.
This was a case of
infidelity that was born
out of true passion
and true soulmates.
You know, in the adult world,
sometimes people fall in love
with people that
they're not married to.
- [Narrator] For
most, that's an issue.
(upbeat music)
But there's a growing
group of people
who have a different
take on things.
- I'm in a polyamorous marriage.
Being polyamorous removes
any sort of barricades,
from like, wanting to
like, if you find
someone attractive,
you don't have to
feel guilty about it.
If you want to make
out with somebody,
you don't have to
feel guilty about it.
- [Male Speaker] Cute outfit,
can I borrow it sometime?
- Love is there to be shared.
You can have loving
relationships with
more than one person.
(slow upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Swinging, open
relationships, polyamory.
They're all forms of
consensual, non-monogamy.
- In consensual non-monogamy,
sex outside of a
primary relationship
isn't considered infidelity,
it's actually understood.
It's agreed to, that
it's gonna occur.
There's no betrayal to occur,
because you're openly
talking about it.
- [Narrator] In April,
2021, Willow Smith,
daughter of Will Smith
and Jada Pinkett,
opens up about her
interest in polyamory.
(camera shutters snapping)
- Polyamory is a notion of
poly, many; amory, loves.
It's the idea that
there's not necessarily
one primary relationship, there
are multiple relationships.
- With polyamory, I feel
like the main foundation
is the freedom to be able to
create a relationship style
that works for you, and not
just stepping into monogamy,
because that's what
everyone around you
says is the right thing to do.
- Right.
- [Narrator] Willow's
comments garner a ton of buzz.
See the spike on this
Google trends graph?
It shows that after she
talked about polyamory,
there was a huge surge of
people around the world
looking it up.
- It's not clear if consensual
non-monogamy is on the rise.
Some studies suggest
that it might be.
But what we do know
is that it's certainly
getting a lot more attention.
- [Narrator] Historically,
sexual practices
outside of monogamy have
been considered taboo
in the Western world.
But that doesn't mean
they weren't happening.
In the 1920s, petting
parties scandalized the US.
- How heavy is this
petting? (chuckles)
Is it a furry thing,
is this a furry thing?
(dog barking)
- I think a petting
party, in my mind,
is one step below an orgy.
- Are we just talking
about orgies right now?
Oh, my God, these are
orgies. Okay, cool.
- [Narrator] Not quite.
- A petting party sounds like
there's not llamas, but
there's a bunch of people
giving each other, like, over
the pants, like, handies.
- [Narrator] That's closer.
- All right, so a dry humping
party, fine, whatever,
that's still pretty risque
for the '20s, I guess.
(kissing sounds)
(jazzy music)
- [Narrator] By
1924, one study found
that 92% of college
women had tried petting.
- So during the 1920s, you
have this sexual revolution.
People are stepping away
from the kind of very strict,
Victorian ideas of sex,
and love, and romance.
And these were parties
where people would hook up
with people, fondle,
kiss each other.
They were a way to
explore sexuality
without going all the way.
(jazzy music)
(electronic sounds)
- [Narrator] Today,
more than 14 million
North Americans participate
in consensual, non-monogamy,
about 4% of the
total population.
- We're not in a
world where polyamory,
or open relationships,
are mainstream,
or traditional, by any
sense of imagination,
but they're clearly
becoming less taboo.
(slow jam music)
- [Male Speaker] Oh, yeah.
- [Narrator] So
what does the future
of infidelity look like?
Will polyamory become the norm,
squashing the idea of
cheating, altogether?
- It's a great and
positive development,
that attitudes are changing
towards open relationships.
And they're not just like
creepy swingers in clubs.
Though we are still creepy
swingers in clubs. (laughs)
- [Narrator] Or will
humans find a way
to eradicate infidelity from
monogamous relationships?
- People in at global
pandemic, with like,
government mandated
self-isolation, didn't stop it,
so probably not.
- [Narrator] Only
time will tell,
but if the future of infidelity
is as wild as the past,
you can bet it'll
be interesting.
(woman moans)
- I think we put too many
expectations on our partners.
- Similar goals, respect,
honesty, attraction, sex.
- We want them to
communicate to us.
We want them to be able to
watch weird TV shows together.
- I think our expectations
are all messed up.
- We want to be able
to go bouldering,
but only once every two weeks,
'cause that's the
thing we both agree,
we're not in good enough
shape to do regularly.
- I blame Boyz II Men, like,
"I'll make love to you
when you want me to."
No, I will make love to you
when I've done this episode
of "History by the Numbers".
(slow upbeat music)
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01x13 - Infidelity
Watch/Buy Amazon
This series is loaded with mind-blowing factoids and stats, entertaining expert interviews, and infographics injected with cheeky humor.
This series is loaded with mind-blowing factoids and stats, entertaining expert interviews, and infographics injected with cheeky humor.