01x02 - A Matter of Life and Death: Part Two

[bunniefuu]

-Let's crash a funeral.

-Will you just please, please,
please, please, please, stop?

Just, what if we get caught?

-We don't know these people.

And I have to say goodbye!

-Get up, get up.

-Oh!

Oh, my God.

-Stop it.

Marie!

Marie. Aw.

Oh, look at her here.

Come on.

- Hi.
- Hi.

-Hi, I'm Anna.

I'm, uh, Marie's niece.

-Oh, I'm Kushla. I, um...

I bought Marie's
blender on Trade Me,

and when I went to pick
it up, we just hit it off.

We did a weekly coffee thing.

Marie and her bowler
tees, remember?

Anyway, she probably
never mentioned me.

-No, no. I think she did.

- Yeah?
- Mm.

-This is my sister, Audrey.

She's deaf.

-Oh. Thank you so
much for coming.

-Okay, thank you.

See you at the evening.
- Oh.

-That was amazing. Such
a beautiful service.

- It was sad.
- I know!

And all the music came in
at just the right moments.

-And it was way less fun

that what I thought
it was gonna be.

Let's go.
- No, I've got questions.

-Audrey's deaf, and you
can't sign for sh*t.

-Well, then, you'll
have to ask them.

I've taken notes.

-Christ.

-Looks yummy.

-Ha-ha! These
are so Marie, eh?

Color printing... That
normal around here?

Is... they're always color?

That's a good one.

Hey, Gav, do you know, um...

Do you know how many
funerals these guys do a day?

Is it many?

Do a night show?

I guess part of the appeal is
getting time off work, right?

Do you guys know how
much Theresa and Martin

paid for the coffin?

Pretty pricey.

You ever seen a dead body?

-Ah! Wow. They
even have macarons.

-There's that hot pallbearer.
I bet you I can get his number.

-Ellie. Oh, my goodness.

- Hello!

Hey, Michelle.

I haven't
seen you since...

You little c**t.

-Aah!

Oh! Ah.

-I didn't know you knew Marie.

-She's my fiancé's
auntie's sister.

-Oh, you got engaged?

-Yes, to Hamish.

It's a blessing and a curse.

Magpies.

You know, all the school staff
are really worried about you,

and the kids... They're
still talking about

Miss Gert getting
fired, but I told them,

you just never know what's
going on with someone,

you know, up here, so...

-Oh, no, no. I'm so great.

I'm actually running my
own business now, so...

- Good for you!
- Yeah.

-Kia kaha.

Still, you must be devastated
that you can never teach again.

-Oh, no. I've still
got my license,

and I'm gonna appeal it.

-Oh.

Why would you put
yourself through that?

Well, I guess it
must be impossible

to get a job anywhere else.

Word's really got around.

Maybe it is the
best option for you.

It's just so
embarrassing.

-Michelle.

I'm so glad you could make it.

-Sorry for your loss.

- Ah, so you met Audrey.
- Ellie.

We taught together, didn't we?

Are you okay?

I didn't know you
knew sign, Ellie.

- She doesn't.
- What's going on?

-Audrey, there you are.

-Faking being deaf? Nice.

-Ah! What?

No way.

Oh, that is terrible.

All these years.

No idea. Let's get
you home, Audrey,

if that's even your real name.

-Unbelievable.

-You're late again.

-Can I be part-time
like Beau and Sharyn?

But, like, work from home?

-No.

-I really hate this uniform, eh?

You look like a bank teller,

and your hair looks
like a pretzel,

and my tights are loose.

But I don't understand
because they're tights,

and what is this thing?

What's this?

Are you okay?

- I'm fine.
- Really?

'Cause you just... You
look a little miffy.

-There's a lot riding on this.
I just want it to go well,

so I got here at
5:00 this morning.

-Again?

So everything's sorted, then.

-Yeah, the flowers look good.

Sharyn wanted to
do chicken nibbles.

I said okay.

Dean's rehearsing
his choreography,

and Beau is waxing the hearse,

and the uniforms look fine.

-Really?

Do you want the Cookie Time
cookie or the cassava chips?

-Um...

Who the frick is that?

-Hey, there you are.

I thought I told you to
stay in the hearse, man.

-Aw, you're a
dad. That's cool.

-Oh, yeah. I just have Frankie
on Tuesdays and Thursdays, eh?

-Those are work days.

-I'm just checking...
Is Mr. Lovett ready?

- Uh, give me two minutes.
- Okay.

Two minutes. All right.

Come on, then. Oh!

-Might be five.

I've never done this.

Just put the
clothes on the body.

It's like playing Barbie.

Think of him as Ken,

except old and dead.

- So, then, top half.
- It's fine.

-It's pretty stiff.

- Down, gentle, yes, respectful.
- Oh!

- Oh. Aw!
- Christ!

-It's not so smooth
like that. That's fine.

-Yep, yep, yep, and, and...

So you have to help me, Gwen.
- I'm doing it!

-Arm down... gentle, gentle.

-I don't... I don't really
want to do that part.

The pants is you, baby.

-Okay, his family are
here, so can you just help?

-Yep, and this is...
This is your zone.

I don't want to see that.
I do notwant to see that.

I don't want to
give him a wedgie.

-Shuffle. Pull them up.

-I'm doing it!

Jesus mother...

This is a skill I
don't utilize enough,

maybe because I'm
not Avril Lavigne.

-Can you please
pass me the shoes?

Please.

- Um, Ellie?
- Hmm?

-Dean wants to have a word.

-Ah. Ah.

Okay. Okay.

-I have no idea what I'm doing.

- He looks pretty good.
- Yeah.

I swallowed it.

-Right.

-Ah, here she is. Take a seat.

-Oh, I'm fine.

-Oh, you should
really take a seat.

-Honestly, I'm...
I'm happy standing.

-Oh, but you look so exhausted.

- I'm not. I'm...
- Geez, and you're breaking out.

Wow! Look at that.
- What did you want, exactly?

-Wow. Well, me and
Shares have been talking,

and it makes sense
that you want to sell.

I mean, it's an
impulsive decision,

but it's such a hard job,
and you're so inexperienced.

So we were thinking, there's
no need to rush into anything.

I mean, you could just hold
onto the business and step back

and just let me manage things.

Isn't that right, Shares?

-Hmm. Ah. That's sweet chili.

-Oh, uh, thanks for
looking out for me, Dean.

That is food for thought.

-Did you want me to
steam this jacket?

It's pretty late now, though.

-These look good, Shares.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

-It says 180, but
I always do it 200.

- Mm-hmm.
- Unless the kids are playing up.

Then I undercook them...
Bit of a reality check.

-Mm. Yeah. Mm-kay. You're
all under control, then?

-Oh, yeah, love. I'll
keep the sweet treats

in the fridge till
after the service.

I did mini donuts.

It's a hole-in-one reference.
- Oh.

Ssssschnitzel, uh,
I forgot the clubs.

Uh, uh, yep, yep, yep, yep.

I am so sorry.

I completely forgot.

The family want him
buried with his clubs.

I'll just go stall
them. Thank you. Sorry.

-Uh...

Okay.

-Do you think they want all
of them or just his favorite?

-Oh, yeah, his favorites...

The "P" and the black
sock and the chipper.

How do I know his favorites?

We'll just put them
all in. Oh, God.

-Um...

Put one in his hand.

-Okay.

Ooh, oh.

Okay.

I feel like they're
not all gonna... fit.

Yeah, pack them in.

Do some that way, maybe.

-Miss you.

-This was supposed to be
open casket... the funeral.

-I need to, uh... Uh,
you're looking for Gwen.

Yeah, she will know.

Excuse me.
- Okay.

-Where's Ellie?

It was supposed
to be open-casket.

- Really?
- Yeah.

-Um, uh, okay.

Okay.

-And where are his golf clubs?

He was meant to be with them.

-Yeah, they're in there...

all of them.

Louise, is there a problem?

-I wanted them on the
stage and then in the hole,

not up his f*cking a*s.

-You're the one with
something up your f*cking a*s.

-I'm so sorry.

There seems to have
been a miscommunication,

but we will take care
of it, won't we, Gwen?

- Yes.
- Good.

-Oh, uh, sorry.

-Leave that one.

Dad would have liked it.

-Ah! Sorry.

No, they went that way.
- All right.

-Yep.

They have, like,
little holes in there.

They go under the... the...

Oh, you do it.

Cool. No, you do that.

I'll get the...

-Come eat some food.

-Nice to see you.

Thank you.

-Sorry again about the mix-up,

but I thought you might
want to take these.

They didn't quite
make it into the bag.

-Thank you.

-Of course.

-It was perfect.

-Oh, good.

-Better get these in the car.

- Yeah.

Um, are you drinking?

-Phil loved pale ale.

-Yeah, you didn't
really know Phil.

-Not alive, which
is pretty messed up.

I don't want to be around
dead people all day.

It's just depressing.

Phil's sad, saggy face
was in my nightmare,

but he was a snake.

How are you doing this?

Doesn't it make
you feel like sh*t?

-Um, it's not really
about how I feel.

I, of course...
You know, I care,

but you kind of have to
put your feelings aside.

- For the money.
- For the family.

-Mm. Oh, well. I
guess we're just gonna

have to stick it out
for a few more weeks.

-Yeah, might be longer.

-Well, how much longer?

-You know, it might be
months, and that's fine.

-No, that's not fine.

-I mean, I'm just saying, you
don't need to be in a rush.

-No, that's exactly
what I'm saying.

I know you've got nothing better
to do, but I'm going to Bali.

-I'm not sure I want to sell.

-What?!

Ellie, what... What
are you saying?

Just because you got fired

doesn't mean you get
to mess with my plans.

-Maybe Koro left it
to us for a reason.

-That's bullshit.
Koro was a numpty

who didn't get
good legal advice.

I'm very grateful for the gift,

but I would rather
take the money.

-Gwen.

Gwen, I don't... I don't know
if I could ever teach again.

This is all I've got,

and don't you want
some stability?

Full-time work could
be really good for you.

-f*ck off. I love my life.

-Please.

I need this,

and it could be
really good for us.

We're helping people.

I actually need to
talk to you about...

-I don't care, Ellie.

We'll just do whatever you
want to do, like always.

I was gonna text
that pallbearer,

but it already feels
like I'm getting f*cked.

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