01x11 - Who's a Bad Girl? (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hello.

I didn't see you there.

I'm Raccoon.

If you're like me,

you can't remember anything,

whether it's the address

of your childhood tree

or where you buried

your first nemesis or

Oh, right.

That's why I'm here

to remind you where we left

Honey, Chief and the rest

of the g*ng last week.

Shel and Darla were about

to start their life together,

when Shel was violently

smushed by a mommy smusher.

No!

And when Elsa's boyfriend,

Jimmy Chonga,

turned out not to be

a figment of her imagination,

Diablo tried to help

their relationship flourish.

She also told us a

funny story about when

you were a puppy and

one of your testicles

- hadn't descended

- Ugh.

And Honey made a big decision

So what do you say, Honey?

You want to run away with me?

Let's get out of here.

And I bench-pressed twice my

own weight at 24 Hour Fitness.

- Yeah, we don't have tape on that.

- What?

I don't know what happened.

So we've got endless footage

of these fingerless yo-yos,

but when I do

something significant,

something all raccoons can

be proud of

- Whatever, fine.

- Well, you kind of looked like this.

No, just go.

I need to finish this.

Okay, so what's gonna happen?

Let's find out.

Stay tuned. Yay.

♪

♪

Wait a minute, am I actually

doing this? This is crazy.

Maybe if you reflect

musically on what's led us here,

- it'll make sense.

- Yeah.

The family I loved

had left me lonely ♪

I was feeling like

a total phony ♪

So I fled the home

that I'd always known ♪

And ran off with Armando,

the sexy coyote ♪

Run free with me, Honey,

it's not that hard ♪

There's a whole world

waiting outside your yard ♪

Throw off your leash,

it's our time, capisce? ♪

Just try not to get hit

by that car ♪

'Cause Altadena

belongs to the wild ♪

Altadena's so wild,

they call spicy mild ♪

Like a drunk ballerina

on a savage hyena ♪

There's something so crazy

about Altadena! ♪

If being wild is wrong,

I don't want to be right ♪

Share

my wild Altadena night ♪

♪

Share my wild Altadena night ♪

Hey, buddy,

want to watch yellow ball?

I'm feeling a little lonely

since Tabs moved out.

Sorry, Buddy, I can't.

Kevin's home.

He's even more depressed than

when Dana broke up with him.

- Whoa! What happened?

- From what I gather, he lost his job

opening soda cans on airplanes.

- This is for you, Dana!

- Kevin?

Take me back!

So we've been spending

a lot of time together.

- Last night I slept on his face.

- Well, that's great.

I'm glad he's finally

paying some attention to you.

"Finally"?

What's that supposed to mean?

I just mean

you're such a great cat,

and it sounds like

he's recognizing that.

Did he not think I was

a great cat before?

I have missed you

so much, dude!

Mwah!

Ah! Give me space, perv!

The problem with CrossFit

Ugh, hang on,

I just need to get away from

my ex-girlfriend's stupid cat.

Oh, my God!

Kevin doesn't love me.

Good morning, Altadena!

Ugh. Act like you've

been here before.

Oh, sorry, just spent

my first night in the wild,

and I am feeling myself!

I drank from a stream,

then slept on a rock,

under the protective eye

of a coyote

with rippling muscles and

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

There's a little

bit of blood on your mouth.

Did you, um, cut

yourself shaving?

- Oh, breakfast. Did I get it?

- Yeah.

You got a little fur

in your teeth, though.

- Oh. How's this?

- Good. Yeah.

So what wild and fun outdoor

activities are we up to today?

Apple picking?

Leaf peeping?

I need to go see my pack.

Things have been tense

since we moved here,

and if I don't check in,

our alpha gets a little bite-y.

- You're not the alpha?

- Yeah, I'm more of the poet of the pack.

Oh. I'd be happy to mediate

a conversation.

That's not how things

work out here.

Plus, if they got one look

at those bouncy curls

- and those deep brown eyes

- Ooh.

They would tear you

limb from limb.

Oh.

Oh, oh, right, so that

Yeah, oh, that's real.

Right, okay. No.

Cool, cool.

- I'll be back.

- Oh. Jill loves that movie.

I know.

I'm hungry, too, stomach.

Well, there must be

something here I can eat.

Aah! Don't k*ll me, please!

It's not my time!

I'm not gonna k*ll you.

In fact, I won't be eating

any animal protein.

So I'm thinking I need

to find a combination

- of beans and legumes.

- I can help you. I can help you.

Can I catch a ride?

I think this is the beginning

of an unlikely animal

friendship, am I right?

Looks like we've got

some competition.

Really? Wait.

So this dip has seven layers?

And you you guarantee

this to be true?

Ow.

It's time to play, play, play!

Little Cookie,

we got a saying around here,

"If Chief's a-snoozing,

keep on cruising."

Go play with Honey.

I don't want to play

with Honey she's no fun.

Seriously, when was the last time

she chased her tail till she puked?

I know. I try to look past

those things.

Look at him, pining for me.

Time to give him

what he wants.

What he really, really wants.

Dog parks, right?

- Uh

- Mmm.

What's going on?

I'm missing all the hot goss.

But please don't tell anyone

I actually miss the hot goss.

Well, you should

come back to group.

I can't. I said too many

nice things when I left.

Besides, now that Ray Liotta's

running for head

of his home owners'

association, I'm swamped.

And that's why I support

the death penalty

for driveway basketball hoops.

Just give me the Shel update.

What person, place, or thing

is he into now?

Just come back I guarantee

that within two days,

- everyone will hate you again.

- You really think so?

Look at all the colors!

- Thank you, uh, Paul, was it?

- Or Paulie. Either way.

It was your idea to name me.

Okay, I'll see you around.

Babiche! Talk soon.

Mmm.

Blech!

Trust me, you don't want this.

Honey! Come here!

I got you something.

- Paul.

- Or Paulie! Either way.

I knew you'd be hungry.

Come on, tastes even better

when you k*ll it yourself.

Come on, Honey.

It's just like "The Lion King."

Circle of life.

- Hakuna matata, Paulie.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Run, Paulie! You're free!

Don't waste this gift!

I knew they wouldn't last.

Kangopus for the win!

Honey, you're wild now,

and you have to do

what it takes to survive.

I'm not wild, Armando.

When I fantasized about this,

I didn't really drill down

on the details.

I mean, I don't even like beans,

and I can't rely on legumes.

- What are you saying?

- I don't belong out here.

I want to go home.

- Yeah, but I thought

- I'm sorry, Armando.

Okay. It's okay.

I understand.

At least I can channel

these feelings into my poetry.

"Honey" and "Bunny" rhyme, so

- That's good.

- Oh, your poetry rhymes.

Ah, okay.

Well, goodbye, Armando.

And and thank you.

And just like that,

she walked out of our lives.

I'm Paul, or Paulie,

- whatever you want.

- Hey, Paul.

I'm just not looking

for a relationship right now,

but I will definitely check out

your Soundcloud.

Chief! Chief!

Chief! Oh, you must have

been worried sick

that I didn't come home

last night, but hear me out.

- Oh, you were gone?

- I needed to t

Yes, I was gone,

all night, in the wild.

Uh-huh. And we're talking

about last night?

Yes. You didn't notice that I

ran off with Armando, the coyote,

and had a wild, sexy,

dangerous night in Altadena?

- Was Jill with you?

- No.

Okay. Let me see if I've got this right.

You were out

all night

with a dangerous coyote

- named Armando?

- Yes.

It was something

I needed to do.

But now I'm back because I

chose you, Chief. I chose us.

Wait.

W-what are you doing?

I'm going out

to mark my territory.

And I won't be back until the

rivers of Altadena run yellow.

I'd like to share a realization I had

that I think will shock everyone.

- Kevin is maybe not a very attentive owner.

- What? No.

- Is she?

- Ignore her.

She just wants attention.

Go on, Chico.

To be honest, I'm furious.

I used to love that word

because I thought it meant

"furry" and "luxurious,"

but I mean it

in the angry way now.

Well, have you thought

about expressing yourself?

I guess I could go

on a hunger strike. No.

- Chief?

- Darla? Where's Shel?

Shel is he's

Moving a little slowly.

Shel, my goodness!

What happened?

- Exterior, backyard, night

- Lindsay ran him over!

Don't just blurt out the ending.

- They need a little foreplay.

- You need a little foreplay.

- Be gentle.

- Never.

Oh, please.

I'm going to vomit.

- Aw, I think it's sweet.

- Oh, yeah.

Honey, please make this stop.

Shel! Leave it.

No. Leave it

Chief? Oh.

Hey, look, everyone,

it's Max,

- and he's meaner than ever.

- Just stop.

I can speak for myself,

you freaky little weasel.

Okay, that's enough.

All right, so I never went

to London.

I live with the star

of "Unlawful Entry" now,

and I don't need to talk about it.

How long has the fish been dead?

Oh, I'm trying to pull a Nemo

and get flushed out of here.

That's smart. Elsa, how's it

going with you and JChongs?

Um

So are we doing this or what?

- Uh

- Ah

We will never be a couple

because Diablo turned him

against me!

- What?

- That's great.

All right, let's pick this up tonight,

everyone except Darla.

Understandable.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

- Mine.

- Actually, that's mine.

Wait a second! You're

Yes. And you're

That's right, and it seems

like we have some things

to settle between us,

starting with,

how do you manage to stay

so well-groomed out here?

I mean, your coat is "ridiculous."

- Yours isn't so bad either.

- Really?

Aw.

I did get the special bath

at the groomer's

that makes me handsome, but

that was a couple of days ago.

And since then, I investigated

a leaky septic tank,

almost fixed it,

and I tunneled through

a mountain of tuna salad

but that might have

been a dream.

Wow!

I had the exact same dream.

- Except it was a giant deer carcass.

- Oh, awesome.

Hey, listen,

I know we just met,

but would you want to be

in a montage with me?

Does this answer your question?

A-five, six, seven, eight!

♪

Honey made me feel

like such a fool ♪

But I get it now,

Coyote's hella cool ♪

I peed on his ground,

now we're running around ♪

I think I got a crush

on Armando, too ♪

Run free with me, Chief,

it's not that hard ♪

Start living beyond

your front and backyard ♪

The wind in your fur,

you're a born predator ♪

Even though you somehow lost

both of your nards ♪

If being wild is wrong,

I don't want to be right ♪

Share

my wild Altadena night ♪

Yeah!

Share my wild ♪

And now back to

Shark Week, all year long.

- What the hell?

- Kevin, I'm a good cat and a loyal cat.

When Dana left,

she left us both.

And that's why I ask

no, I demand

to be treated with respect.

I don't know what you

just said, but

I get it.

- Dana?

- Dana?

I saw your little stunt on TV,

and it reminded me

you still have my cat.

I want it back.

Its name is Chico,

and we don't want you back.

All right, come on, little perv.

You can watch me shower.

Um, Armando?

It's so fun to wrestle when

disemboweling is off the table.

Yeah.

Plus, creative play

increases brain plasticity.

Yeah, it does.

Man, you're a total dreamboat.

- I do not get why Honey chose me.

- Wait, wait, wait.

She told me she was going home

because she's a poodle

who can't rely on legumes.

She didn't even mention you,

but that makes more sense

'cause you're awesome.

No, you're awesome.

But now I'm mad at Honey.

Hey! Your friends are here!

Uh-oh, I sense

another montage.

A-five, six, seven

No?

What ya doin?

Just waiting for Chief

to come home.

Chief!

- Oh, it's you.

- Sorry.

- Wait, who were you expecting?

- Chief, the fun one.

He's been out peeing on Altadena.

Uh, Altadena.

That's not great.

Well, they have excellent

public schools.

I mean, yeah, but a pack of

k*ller coyotes just moved up there.

Oh, my God. Oka

I have to find him.

If I don't come back,

tell the group that as long

as I manage my expectations,

I love them.

♪

Tchotchke?

♪

Tchotchke, don't be crazy.

You can't take on

a whole pack of coyotes.

What are you gonna do

with a bunch of nails?

Okay.

♪

I feel like

I'm just holding your hand now.

Hey, you seen Honey?

We were supposed to meet

for group tonight.

Ow!

What the hell, Tchotch?!

Eh, he's just excited.

Come on, we'll explain on the way.

Okay, so Honey has been

carrying on with a coyote,

and then she ran off with him

and she didn't tell us?

His name is Armando,

and he's ripped.

Ugh.

Look, the purpose of group is

to share the intimate details

of our lives with the group

or at least just me.

- Unacceptable.

- As soon as we save her,

I'm gonna tell her

how mad I am.

Let me do it! That's my

that's my thing now.

- I express myself.

- Wait, do you hear that?

Uh-oh.

- Do you have any last words?

- Come on!

How many times

have we been over this?

It's my job to ask ominously

about last words.

Stay in your lane.

- Chief!

- Honey!

- Honey!

- "Honey"?

Armando.

- "Armando"?

- Alpha.

- Wait, you're not the alpha?

- I'm the poet!

We can't cross a freeway.

It's a freeway!

It stands between us

and Honey it must be crossed.

Diablo, since we probably

only have about five minutes

to live before we're smushed

by a Pontiac Sunfire,

I want to tell you that I know

you only poisoned my

relationship with Jimmy Chonga

because you're in love with me,

and I understand.

Wow.

- Really?

- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm not feeling it.

Let's just use

the pedestrian overpass.

Chief, I'm sorry I ran off

with Armando.

The question is

why you came back.

Were you choosing me

or not choosing legumes?

This doesn't feel like

the best time to get into

Our feeding rituals

are pretty elaborate.

You've still got some time

before they eat you.

Oh, okay. This wasn't

about you or Armando.

I thought changing things up

would change me.

Honey, you don't need to change.

- But

- Maybe it's okay that you don't speak

a fart language or chase

your tail till you puke.

Maybe that's why we work.

You're perfect the way you are,

and so is our life together,

at least it was

- before the bloodthirsty coyotes.

- Yeah, it was.

- Goodbye, Chief.

- Goodbye, Honey.

Well, well, well, coyotes,

I hope you like your asses,

'cause you're about

to get them handed to you.

♪

Okay, run.

Go. Go, go, go, go.

- Honey!

- Elsa? Max? Shel?

Yes, we're all here.

You don't have to name us all.

- You do for me.

- You came out here to save us?

Well, there were

several motivating factors.

We also heard tell

of a kangopus living out here.

Our original plan was to save you.

But then we got to talking,

and we realized

we're furious at you

and not in the good way.

You were just gonna take off

like that and never say goodbye?

My boyfriend and I feel

very betrayed.

I don't know why it would

matter to Jimmy Chonga.

I'm with Diablo now.

Catch up.

- What?

- Y-you guys are right.

I-I shouldn't have left

without an explanation.

Guys, Honey made a mistake.

- She's only almost human.

- Aw, thank you, Chief.

And as her friends,

I'd hope you'd understand that.

Did she say we're friends?

I forgive you.

- Me too.

- Yeah, totally.

- It's fine.

- What were you just doing?

Um, oh, talking.

Sharing, sharing our feelings.

"Sharing feelings"?

How does it work?

Oh, well, so, okay,

if I were leading you coyotes

in a discussion, um,

I would encourage you to talk

about balancing pack mentality

with individuality.

Apparently some choices

were made by some of you

that others were not

totally on board with.

I didn't want to move to Altadena!

I just said I did because

you seemed excited about it.

I only acted excited about it

because I thought

- you wanted to move here.

- I miss my friends.

- Make new friends.

- Run.

- I think I could be of some use here.

- Honey!

They're they're too close to it!

- They need an objective third party.

- Go!

There'd be a lot more cats.

There'd be a lot of things

Let our friends go

or face the wrath of

Oh, they're gone.

Okay, well, bye!

Was that a slow loris

and a raccoon?

That's a pretty unlikely

animal friendship.

Hey, hey, Kanga, look at me.

We're so much more unlikely

than they are.

They both have fingers.

We have nothing in common.

Except our love for each other.

Huh.

Where's that tentacle going?

Don't worry about it.

Are you sure it's okay for us

to have a night session?

Yeah, Jill's at her aqua

Zumba class,

then she gets

a big Jamba Juice,

then she has to stop at Marshall's

to pee on her way home,

so we can definitely

squeeze one in.

I'm glad we're meeting

because there's something

I need to do.

Diablo, darling,

it's over between us.

Don't embarrass yourself by

begging me to change my mind.

- Okay.

- Ah, that's too bad.

I was really looking forward

to rooting against you guys.

Yeah, we all were.

Chief and I want to thank you

guys for coming to rescue us.

Yeah. Seeing you all come

together to save us made me think.

This is a group

I want to be a part of.

But then I

remembered I'm not a huge dork,

so it's still a pass for me.

And there you have it

another happy ending.

But that's not all.

We have another special treat

planned for you.

What are you doing?

Oh, I was just gonna prove

that I

We're starting a session,

get out of here.

- Yeah, but

- No "problemo."

Just come back

when everyone's asleep.

Leave the barbell.

Just okay, we're just

gonna leave the barbell.

- Go!

- See you next season!

Ha!