02x17 - The Many Lives of Scratch/Alaka-Sham!

[bunniefuu]

[magical theme plays]

Darryl McGee.

I knew you were shady.

Underhanded, yeah.

But I never thought
you'd stoop this low!

You are dabbling
in the devious art of...

[gags] ...close-up magic.

Close-up magic?

Please!

This is the real deal.

See for yourself.

[resigned sigh]

[humming a tune]

Sweet baby corn.

[spider squeaks]

[children cheering]

Boo! Magic is a lie!

- [Molly] Boo!
- If you want more dazzle,

I'll need more dollars.

Wonder doesn't
grow on trees, kids.

It's the perfect scheme, Mol.

This has the potential
to set me up for life

while highlighting
my magnetic charm.

And what's your angle?

It's fun, okay?
You know, with all

my chairman duties these days,

the one thing
I never get to have

is-- [screaming]

Ugh. You never get used to that.

We need your signature,
Your Grumbliness.

[deeply sighs]

[grumbles] We done here?

Well, no. There's quite a few
curses you've left piled up.

What's that?
Sorry, I can't hear you!

I got something stuck in my ear.

Oh, look, it was the portal.

Mmm-bye!

Seriously?

What now?

Just look at the Curse Cabinet.

It's filling up with everything
you've put off.

Filing cabinet trouble?
That's what--

[screams in frustration]

As Chairman of the Ghost World,

I forbid ye from calling me

unless there be
a true catastrophe!

I'm really proud of that rhyme.
I freestyled it.

You can't simply ignore
the Curse Cabinet.

It will continue to fill

- with work orders until--
- Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!

I am out of office, unavailable,
and uninterested.

[Cabinet groaning]

[Cabinet hisses]

- I'm back!
- Matinee is over.

See you for the 6:00 p.m. show.

What? Come on, we're on a roll!

Let's make some magic.

[pigeon coos]

Yeah, like that!

Nice show, amateur.

Irving the Illusionist,

Brighton's best

and only magician.

So why don't you make
like Midge here...

- [Midge coos]
- ...and disappear.

You may think you're the king,

but you're just a joker

who's got no shot
at cutting me out

of the birthday-party circuit.

[blows raspberry]
His sleight of hand is slight.

We've got real magic.

Did you catch my show, Jack?

Oh, the crowd really ate it up.

Soon, I'll be swimmin' in a...

king-sized pool of money,

'cause I've already scored
another party this weekend.

- How?
- I'm the better magician.

You know it in your heart.

[clicks tongue]

[Darryl and Scratch whistling]

[gasps]

[groans in frustration]

[kids chattering and laughing]

[theatrical theme playing]

[all gasp]

Now this is more like it!

[all] Ooh!

[all cheering]

Remember, that's
Darryl the Dazzler, two Zs.

Available for
all your party needs.

You'll find my business card
in your left pocket,

so give it to your parents.

- [kids cheering]
- [Scratch deeply sighs]

The sweet sound of applause.

[Scratch chuckles]

[Molly] Excuse me. Over here.

- Yep.
- You there,

with the unbiased
opinions on magic.

- [Darryl] You have a question?
- I think I speak

for all of us, when I say

that we don't appreciate

being bamboozled by trickery.

Why not mix it up, huh?

Like, what about a puppet show?

Or a-- ooh--
a knitting demonstration?

- [all booing]
- Who invited the old girl?

- Old?
- Yeah, boo!

Security, make this girl...

[whispers] disappear!

What-- Gee-- Hey! Let me go!

- [kids cheering]
- [Molly] I'm his sister!

For my next trick,
I'll need a volunteer.

- [kids] Me! Me!
- Oh, me! Me! Me! Me! Pick me!

You, I guess,

the very tall child

with facial hair.

[Irving happily hums]

[quietly]
A little desperate,

don't you think?

[mysterious theme plays]

[Darryl]
Pick a card, any card.

[Irving snickers]

The card you picked is...

[sighs] Oh, the only place
it could be...

But surely, heh,

your card lies somewhere.

I, uh...

[Irving] Can't find it?

Ooh, that's a shame!

Fret not, children,

for I, Irving the Illusionist,

will save this party!

[Darryl] Hold on, Irving.

Is this your card?

[kids cheering]

[scoffs] How...

are you doing this?

Magician never
reveals his secrets.

You'd know that...

if you were a real one.

- [kids] Oh, burn!
- [boy] h*-h*!

[Darryl]
This will go down in history

as my greatest scheme.

Step aside, reverse mortgages.

I don't know, Darryl.

Magic is a fickle mistress.

Maybe it's time
you hang up your top hat and...

What's that, Molly?
I can't hear ya.

I'm too rich.

Irving the Illusionist

will not be bested
by a two-bit amateur.

I hate this guy.

But I love his entrances!

I challenge you

to...

[scoffs]

...a magician's duel!

Winner owns
the birthday circuit.

Loser leaves Brighton.

[dramatic theme plays]

My parents are not cool
with me leaving town. [scoffs]

- Learned that the hard way.
- Fine.

Loser never performs magic
in Brighton again.

[dramatic theme plays]

Let's abraca-do-it.

[thrilling theme playing]

[Irving] Ladies, gentlemen,

children of all ages,

the rules are simple.

Darryl the Dazzler

and I, Irving the Illusionist,

will perform miraculous feats
of magic

until one of us misses

or death takes us.

[crowd gasps]

Darryl, this is your
last chance to turn back.

Molly, I'm not gonna give up

on the greatest scheme
I've ever concocted.

Besides, with me
at Darryl's side,

there's no way he can lo...

I mean, you had
to see this coming.

[grunts] I told you

only to call me
if it was an emergency!

[ghosts whimpering]

If you say the words
"Curse" and "Cabinet,"

I'm gonna lose it.

- The, uh...
- Ah!

- Hexed Hutch...
- Dit! Dit!

is at maximum capacity.

It won't hold any longer!

[cabinet squawking]

[dramatic theme playing]

[audience cheering]

What am I gonna do, Molly?

- You're gonna give up?
- Without Scratch,

- I've got nothing!
- You had this coming, Darryl.

I never should have
doubled down! I...

That's the classic
McGee double-down.

It's genetic.
You can't fight it.

And now my perfect scheme

will be shattered into
a thousand irreparable pieces.

[groans]

Okay, well, now you're kinda
making me feel bad for you.

[whimpering]

No. No with the puppy eye--

Darryl, don't do thi--

[whimpers]

[groans]

[sighs] I swore
I'd never do this, but...

[intense music playing]

You know close-up magic?

Know your enemy, Darryl.

Know. Your. Enemy.

[rock theme playing]

♪ It's a magician competition
Whoa-oh ♪

♪ They're levitating objects ♪

- ♪ With their minds ♪
- [crowd cheering]

♪ And one magician's
got a pigeon ♪

- [pigeon coos]
- ♪ Whoa-oh ♪

[disappointed groan]

♪ They're like Davids Copperfield
and Blaine combined ♪

♪ And they make fire appear ♪

♪ Grab a coin from your ear ♪

♪ They'll make you cower
in fear with their magic ♪

- ♪ They're summoning powers ♪
- Wow!

- ♪ He's summoning flowers ♪
- [gasps]

♪ They're making a knot,
not a knot ♪

♪ With magic! ♪

Was this your card?

- [crowd cheering]
- [singer scatting melody]

Shazam!

- [crowd cheers]
- ♪ A ham! ♪

♪ They'll prestidigitate him
into submission ♪

♪ It's a magician competition ♪

[both groan with exhaustion]

It's a tie,

neck-and-neck,

a dead heat, as they say.

Irving's up next.

[Midge coos weakly]

[Irving] I know you're tired,
but I'm down to my last trick,

and I can't do it
without you, Midge.

Don't do it for me.

Do it for the children
of Brighton.

Do it for their smiles
of wonderment and joy.

- It's what we live for.
- [coos]

[drumroll]

[audience gasps]

I will have 30 seconds
to escape,

or those paint cannons will...

Well, I shudder to think...

[all gasp]

[ticking]

[grunting]

You can do it, ol' gal.

[exhaustedly squawks]

[gasps]

[ticking]

[Scratch screams]

[vocalizes, yells]

Sweet baby corn, are you okay?

Uh, there's a lot more
to the care and feeding

of a Curse Cabinet
than you think.

Gonna be the death of me. Again.

- [groans]
- [gasps]

Thanks.

Now let's win this thing!

Actually,
I'm gonna let Irving win.

- [both gasp]
- [Scratch] No!

Don't go Molly on me!

Every scheme's
gotta come to an end,

even the best ones.

But, hey,
you can still do magic.

It's all up to you, buddy.

All right, as long
as I still get to be the hero.

[grunting]

[ticking]

Let's do this, bird.

Midge!

[crowd groaning in worry]

- [groans]
- [clicks]

Come on!

[alarm ringing]

[both gasp]

- [splash]
- [all gasp]

I did it?

- I did it!
- [crowd cheering]

Darryl the Dazzler knows
when he's been bested.

Give it up for Brighton's
number-one magician,

Irving the Illusionist!

- [all cheering]
- We love you, Irving!

[chuckling]
Thank you! Thank you!

You're too kind.

I'm proud of you, Darryl.

Just felt, um--
what's the word--

wrong to cheat a guy
out of his reason for living

when I don't even care
about magic. Heh.

Unless, Molly, you want to take

- this show on the road.
- [Molly] No...

The Marvelous Magical McGees!

- [Molly] Eyes.
- Oh! We could charge

- an arm and a leg per ticket.
- No. Darryl...

- Think about the concessions.
- No. No. No!

Never speak of this again.

How did you do that?

♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

[theme music plays]