01x06 - Alpha Leader

[bunniefuu]

[buzzing]

[gauntlets firing]

Their shields are down, so let's split up.

-Okay, you hit 'em high, while I--

-On it!

-[caws]

-C'mon, Ally.

Hi-yah!

[grunts]

-[caws]

-Dream team!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

-[kissing]

-[Ally cooing]

Who's the best bird in the universe?

You are! Yes, you are!

[caws softly]

-Nice work, ya digital dodo.

-[caws]

Hey, Mitch, we took out

that drone swarm for ya!

[sarcastically] Yay.

You ganked a few minions.

You want a cookie for following orders?

-[roaring]

-[Five and Miko] Whoa!

[grunts]

Haneesh, give Zahra a boost!

[beeps]

-[Zahra] On it!

-Speed boost!

Hi-yah!

[glitch screeches]

Now back off and let me finish her.

Uh, what about its splash radius?

That was an order.

Okay, then.

[hisses]

Boosh!

[Mitch coughing]

[gauntlet voice] Glitch contained.

Whoa!

Haneesh and Zahra were so cool out there.

-Why don't you go talk to 'em?

-Uh, I don't know.

I don't even know what I'd say.

Just say

"Hi, you're p. cool."

You can do it!

-[Mitch retching]

-Uh, hi!

Hey, what's up?

Um, I just wanted to say, uh

You guys are p. cool.

-[Mitch coughing]

-Aw, thanks, High Fly!

See ya.

"High Fly"?

-Hey, look at the bright side.

-[Ally cooing]

They almost knew your name.

[beeping]

Whoa!

Mitch's raid team

is k*lling it on the leaderboards.

What is the secret to rankings like those?

Well, being that a team's

only as good as its leader

[coughs]

I'd say their secret is me! [coughs]

[grunts]

Diagnosis: you have contracted a nano flu.

Quarantine is required.

Wait! What?

[Phil] Techs, get over here!

Okay, here's the download.

We've got four team-based

multiplayer glitches

attempting to establish control points

in the abandoned Fun Land theme park.

So we need an opposing raid team

to go in there and take control.

Since our usual raid leader

is dying, apparently

I'm dying?

Technically, all humans are!

I'm gonna need someone else

to take the lead on this.

So, who's it gonna be?

[chuckling] Whoa. No, not me, boss.

Done it. Didn't dig it. Zahra?

Dumped all my stats

into support skills, so

I'll do it!

Uh ah, that's great.

You'll be responsible for tactics,

team management,

updating mission parameters and--

Okay, I'm bored.

Hey! What about Five?

He loves all that stuff you just said.

Uh, sure. I mean, I could lead.

Brain like a turtle,

confidence like a lizard!

-A'ight.

-Cool.

Well, we're countin' on ya, new guy.

-Don't mess it up.

-[laughs nervously]

Okay, Five, just have fun

and show 'em what you can do.

No sweat.

-Oh, there's sweat.

-Aah!

There's a butt-ton of sweat.

Ew.

My team has topped the leaderboards

four weeks running,

and I am not about to let you

ruin our streak.

Just how do you expect to lead

my team to another flawless victory?

I was just gonna try my best.

[scoffs] Your best?

If you want Haneesh and Zahra

to respect you the way they respect me,

you can't show any weakness.

You give the orders. They follow them.

-Got it?

-Aah!

-But aren't they more experienced?

-Yeah, at following their leader.

So, unless you want them

to panic out there,

make sure that when they're

looking at you, they're seeing me.

[laughs evilly]

Boosh!

[theme song playing]

[man] Who knows what really happens

when a video game starts to glitch?

Here come the Glitch Techs

They know what to do ♪

They got the tech

They got the moves ♪

Glitch Techs

They're the wrecking crew ♪

They'll solve the problem ♪

Glitch Techs

When a glitch is loose ♪

They'll wipe them out

Old school or new ♪

Glitch Techs

Always coming through ♪

To solve the problem ♪

Glitch Techs

Whoa! ♪

Glitch Techs! ♪

Yeah! ♪

[Miko] Hey, we're here!

I mean, uh Oops.

Nailed it.

So, where is fearless leader?

I don't know. He said he'd meet us here

as soon as he got

uh changed?

All right, listen up.

The glitched game we are dealing with

is a team-based online multiplayer

called Oversight Squadrons.

Any glitch entities in the area

may be in as*ault mode,

so Zahra will stealth ahead for a report

while the rest of us maintain

a defense perimeter.

Any questions?

I've narrowed them down to one.

-Can I touch that hair?

-[Haneesh chuckles]

-Zahra, carry out the order.

-You got it, new guy.

[Zahra grunting]

[Miko gasps] Whoa!

Zahra, report. What do you see?

[whispering] In position.

Streaming now.

[beeping]

No defenses. No resistance.

The opposition cowers at our presence.

You guys reading this?

[Haneesh] Loud and clear.

I'll have this planet conquered

in less than a femtosecond.

Look, Tank. They've left maps

to their base just lying around.

[Tank] The fools.

According to this, we have successfully

breached Marshmallow Mountain!

[all] Marshmallow Mountain!

[Argyle] Mountain Mountain

-[Tank] Mecha, engage the control rod!

-On it!

[grunts]

[automated voice] Control point taken.

Mecha, you will guard this capture point

as I lead us

to our next point of conquest

Uh Ooh!

Slippy Slide Island!

[all] Slippy Slide Island!

Island Island

Confirming a four-glitch as*ault team

took their first capture point, so

Yep, already hatching a tactical plan.

Okay, but just FYI,

the tough thing about multiplayer glitches

is you can't--

Yeah, yeah, it's cool.

I know what I'm doing.

Now, this is a two-part plan,

so listen up.

First, we take out that control rod.

Destroy the rod! Got it, Cap!

Wait, Miko!

[groans]

Oh, um Follow me!

I'm comin' for you, rod!

[Ally caws]

Chickens? I hate chickens!

[Ally cawing]

[automated voice] Control point lost.

[grunts]

[Mecha] Stay still.

[Miko groaning]

[Ally cawing]

[coos]

[groaning]

[Mecha laughs]

Hasta la vista.

Ah, enchilada.

[Five] Defense formation!

Shields? I hate shields!

Techs, return fire!

-[gauntlets firing]

-[groaning]

Come on!

[laughs] That was awesome, you guys!

Good plan, Five.

[caws]

And who's still

my butt-kickin' birdie, huh?

-You are!

-[cawing]

-Ah! Not now, Ally.

-[cooing]

Miko, can I talk to you for a second?

What's up? Are we telling secrets?

I'm trying to lead this team,

and you rushed off

before I could finish explaining the plan.

Oh, sorry. But no big deal, right?

You led, I co-led,

and we busted up that rod!

Dream team!

This isn't the dream team right now.

This is a mission, and only one of us

can be leading it. Okay?

Um, okay.

Good talk.

[automated voice] Control point taken.

Hmm. What primitive weaponry is this?

Uh, it's water! [chuckles]

[Argyle screams]

A t*rture device!

I like it.

[panting] Sir! It was an ambush.

I hate ambushes!

-Boundaries!

-Ow!

There is a defending team.

They took our control point.

Change of plans, maggots.

We've got some payback to deliver.

Okay, guys,

now we took back a control point,

but still have a team of four

multiplayer glitches to frag out there.

You can't just defeat them--

Miko and I will pull aggro

-from that rhino guy

-[yawns]

while Zahra takes flank.

With Haneesh as support,

we converge on their big ugly leader,

and then boom!

Go on.

[beeping]

What comes after boom?

[glitches laughing]

Oh, nerds.

Zahra, can you give us some cover?

In 31 different flavors.

Do it!

Aah!

What?

[grunts]

[growling]

[beeping]

After them, cretins!

[Miko] Run? That was your plan?

[Zahra] This ride

is uber cheesy, you guys.

They're panicking,

just like Mitch said they would.

-[indistinct chatter]

-Admit it, Five,

you don't know what you're--

No. You can do this.

They're all counting on you.

Okay, just keep it together, guys.

We can take those glitches down.

Actually, they can't be just--

I'm the leader!

Everybody, into the boat. Now!

[Haneesh sighs]

Out of the way, you idiots!

Move, now! Into the tunnel!

-Haneesh, give me another speed boost!

-Okay, boss, you got it.

After them!

They shall pay for disrespecting

the new king of Marshmallow Mountain!

[roars]

Shield!

[Haneesh grunting]

Haneesh!

[Zed yells]

You guys clear out.

I'm gonna take them on!

By yourself? That's cuckoo!

Quit dominating the meta-game

and let us help!

I'm the leader. I don't need help.

I give the orders. You follow them.

[grunts]

[sarcastically] Yes, sir.

[Tank laughs]

[grunts]

You think you'll outgun me

with your tiny baby glove?

Nope. I don't have to outgun you.

-What?

-I just have to outsmart you.

[grunting]

[growls]

What the

Oh, nerds! Oh, nerds! Oh, nerds!

After him!

[Five whimpering]

[gauntlet voice] Missiles incoming.

[Tank growls]

Got ya!

-Huh?

-No!

-I got you, buddy!

-[sighs]

[Tank growls]

[Mecha grunts]

[automated voice] Control point taken.

[Ally caws]

-[Five grunts]

-[Miko] Whoo-hoo!

-[Haneesh] Nice, Miko!

-[Zahra] Well done.

[cooing]

Get out of here, Ally.

[caws sadly]

What's your problem, Miko?

Um, I'm sorry, I think you meant to say

[imitating Five] "Thanks

for saving my butt."

I had that guy where I wanted him!

You disobeyed a direct order.

Hey, uh, guys--

You should hear yourself!

What? Did you get bitten by a Mitch-pire?

[mimicking vampire] Blah!

I want to lead your team!

Seriously, you guys.

Everything's a joke to you.

[scoffs] Me?

Have you even looked in a mirror lately,

or do Mitch-pires not have reflections?

[Tank] Earthlings!

Your resistance

is more formidable than anticipated.

But a planet

is only as strong as their leader,

so it is you who I challenge

to a deathmatch!

-You know what? I accept!

-Hoo, boy.

Actually, they can't be just Okay.

[grunts]

[groans]

[grunts]

[both grunting]

[Five] Boosh!

[Tank] Aah!

[exclaims]

[grunts, screams]

You missed!

Game over, scrublord!

At least that's one down.

Who wants to be next?

[automated voice] Player has respawned.

[all laughing]

They can respawn?

Uh, that's what I've been

trying to tell you, boss man.

-But how?

-That's how, alpha dog.

[Five] Oh, man.

You guys were trying to tell me,

but I wasn't listening.

So, what do we do?

[Techs grunting]

-[toys squeaking]

-[coughing]

[Zahra and Miko grunting]

[chuckles, blows kiss]

No! Guys!

Huh? [grunts]

Yes. Look at your team

and how far you've led them.

Now, then,

who were you calling a scrublord?

-[Tank laughs]

-[Five groans]

Well, this underwear's done for.

Plant the remaining control rods.

Guard them and await orders.

[automated voice] Control point taken.

The gauntlet signal's weak.

-[Miko grunting]

-Must be a dampening field.

This is totally my fault.

-I gotta do something to get 'em out.

-[Ally chomping]

[softly] Ally!

[Five whistles]

[coos]

Wait! Ally, don't go!

[Five kissing]

Who's the greatest bird in the galaxy?

You are.

That's right.

You're a pretty bird, aren't you?

[Ally coos]

[caws]

Oh!

-[cooing]

-You really are a good bird.

And I've been a crummy leader.

[caws affirmatively]

[beeping]

Five?

Shh.

You're the greatest and best glitch-bird

-ever invented.

-[coos softly]

And you are--

Sorry for getting you all into this mess.

I just wanted you guys to respect me

like you respect Mitch.

But the truth is, I'm nothing like him.

Like we respect Mitch?

That guy is the worst.

Who told you we respected him?

[all] He did.

[sighs] It's okay, you goof.

I couldn't stay mad at this face anyway.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

So, what's the plan, Cap?

Hey, don't look at me.

I am now open to suggestions.

Okay, we need to take out

their spawn site,

but that rezzer ship is a real big daddy.

It's gonna take something

more powerful than our gauntlet blasts.

[Haneesh grunting]

Uh, yes, Haneesh?

These control rods they've been using

are full of powerful glitch energy.

If I hack them,

I could redirect the output

so we could use them

to take down the ship.

-He really likes hacking.

-I really like hacking.

Me and Zahra can each take back a rod,

but someone's gotta keep

those glitches busy while we do it.

Oh, I'll keep them distracted.

-[Miko and Five] Dream team!

-Ha ha! Dream team!

Yeah, not saying that.

[Ally coos]

[automated voice] Control point taken.

Ah, my victory is almost complete.

-[gauntlet fires]

-[grunts]

What the

Hey, scrublord! We're back,

and this time we're taking all of you out.

Impressive. I admire your bravery.

After all, it's four against one.

[Five] Oh, no, it's not four against one.

It's four against Five.

But there's only one of him.

Let's rumble!

[exclaims]

[Five grunts]

[groans]

[chuckling] Ooh! Too slow!

Oh, nerds.

Five's holding aggro,

so the rest is up to us.

-Ready?

-You know I'm good.

I almost got this rod cracked.

Just adding a little more techno

to the babble here,

-and

-[gauntlet beeps]

Yes! This pup's modded!

Uploading the code to you guys now.

[Zed grunting]

[Mecha chuckles] Smashing?

I love smashing!

[both grunting]

Come on, Five. You've got this, buddy.

[grunts]

-[grunts]

-[Five screams]

[groans]

What are they doing?

Tank, his team may be doing

something to the control rods.

Quiet! Nobody asked you!

Did you really think Team Enter Name

would be defeated so easily?

"Team Enter Name"?

Ha ha! Glitches.

Come here, you pixie!

[Tank grunting]

[growling]

[both exclaiming]

[growls] What kind of leader are you?

-The kind who relies on his team.

-[gauntlet chimes]

-[Tank growls]

-Now!

Oh, nerds.

[all screaming]

[screaming]

Yeah! We did it!!

-Ha ha! Dream team!

-Dream team!

Okay, what they said.

Great job, High Five.

And, hey mad respect.

That was v. cool.

They knew my name!

And to think, I knew you

before you were a big shot.

[beeping]

So, looks like you didn't

completely muck it up, newbie.

You know what, Mitch?

You never needed to worry

about your precious score.

Your team is amazing.

-Accurate.

-Aw, thanks, Five.

Today was so fun, I'm thinkin'

maybe I should lead the next mission.

-What do ya think, Mitch?

-Yeah!

We should start a rotation.

What? What?

Gotta go. Feel better. 'Kay, bye!

[Mitch] Come back here!

Ya done good, Cap.

But from now on,

-I give the orders around here.

-[laughing]

-Boo-oosh!

-Aah!

My partner's been bitten by a Mitch-pire!

[Miko] Boosh!

[Mitch] That is not what I sound like!

[theme music playing]