01x04 - Walk of shame and no glory

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Pernille!

I didn't want to wake you,

but I had to go to work.

A cleaner's coming at ten,

but just stay as long as you like.

And don't forget that we have

an imminent violation date. Bye!

-Hey.

-Hey.

I didn't know anyone was home.

-Are you the cleaning person?

-Yes.

I'm Bjørnar's ex-girlfriend.

I'm just here to deliver this.

Is it okay if I? Or should I?

No, you can just

put it there, yes.

-Yeah. Okay.

-Okay.

Great. Thanks.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

SUCK IT UP

From Finn: Can you ask Sigrid

not to call after 9:15 pm?

Give me a break.

-Hey!

-Sorry. Hi.

-Are you going to see Ole Dad?

-Yeah, Baldwin.

-I'm his daughter.

-Pørni? Nice to meet you.

-I'm Stephen.

-Nice to meet you.

-You're coming on Saturday?

-Yes.

I was planning on meeting you then,

looking more presentable.

Dad has already ordered chicken.

He said you love chicken.

-Hey, Stephen.

-Hey.

Pørni, this is Stephen.

We talked about how long it will be

before you get your driver's license.

No, I didn't say that.

We're going to Kikut,

so you don't need to make dinner.

-Okay. Have a nice trip!

-Thanks.

-It was nice seeing you.

-Nice to meet you too.

-I look forward to meeting everyone.

-They will all be here.

-It's very nice here.

-Thanks. Have a nice trip!

HAVE A NICE DAY, BABY KIDNAPPER!

Oh, Torunn

Give it a rest.

-Hi.

-Hi. Hi, Sigrid.

-Is Felix home?

-Yes.

Felix, come here.

Hi. Sorry I took your AirPods.

It's okay.

I wrote a letter, and Mom told me to

ask if you want to go to the movies.

-It's her treat.

-It's your treat.

-What movie?

-The new Marvel movie.

Just the two of us?

-Ew, are you insane?

-Sigrid.

Sorry. No, there'll be

others there too.

Sure, unless there's soccer practice.

Okay. See you at school.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-See you at choir practice.

-Thanks. Bye.

Can we please go home now?

No, we still have

the 300 kroner for Hennika,

Jenny's Hummel bag,

Leah's watch and Ismail's magic pen.

If there's anything else,

you need to tell me.

These. They belong to Katinka.

But it was more like a loan.

You asked to borrow them?

No, but I wasn't going

to not give them back.

Please don't use double negations.

There's nothing worse than that.

Can we go home?

No, we're not going home before

you're done with this walk of shame

and have returned

absolutely everything.

From Municipal-Bjørnar: Miss you!

Very good. Let's try it once

with just Torill and no choir.

And I think it might be better

if you try to hold back a little.

Let's take it from

Okay.

He hasn't cleaned out all her stuff.

Is that good or bad?

I mean, it could be both.

Okay?

He's either totally over her,

or not at all.

Okay.

It's so beautiful.

Good, Torill.

Just hold back a little more,

but otherwise this was great.

Allow the lyrics speak

for themselves.

Okay, let's take 15 minutes.

Then we'll start with

"Pål's Chickens" after the break.

-Was she mean?

-No, she was really nice,

and insanely pretty.

But why did he leave her?

She cheated on him

with a colleague at the hospital.

Good for you.

Those are the best lays.

Men getting back at their exes.

You can quote me on that.

No, don't say things like that.

Pørni's not a rebound,

and Bjørnar's a great guy.

Torill, you sang that so beautifully.

Better than Jannicke Kruse.

Thank you,

but the song is just really powerful.

And it made a great impression

in the movie.

You have to feel that,

since you work with women

who go through things like that.

It was portrayed realistically

in the movie, don't you think?

No, it wasn't all that realistic.

Right.

But the song makes a big impact.

Sorry, I have to call Elsa.

She probably needs money.

-Pørni, can I talk to you later?

-Yes, of course.

Why do you say stuff like that?

Can't you just play along?

But it's unrealistic

for an abused woman

to have the confidence

to stand up and just sing out loud

"I want to feel alive" in front

of 700 people!

That's like swearing in church,

so to speak, or literally.

Nordberg Choir!

Let's leave the coffee and

chitchat down here and go back up.

We need to talk about

the food photographer.

-What about him?

-He called yesterday, furious.

He said I had given him chlamydia.

That's the last time I spread my legs

for someone under 40.

But you could've given him chlamydia.

Why are you saying that?

Because she slept with Lara

and Sigrid's teacher, Hans Petter,

and he has chlamydia.

What? No one told me.

Did Sigrid tell you that?

Why didn't you say anything?

Sorry. I just felt

that it was a bit gossipy.

Jesus.

Pørni?

Did Sigrid say anything about taking

other stuff from Felix?

-No.

-You see, he can't find his wallet.

And I felt that I had

to say something.

It's important that we adults

communicate openly, right?

-Very important. I'll talk to her.

-Okay. Thanks.

Sorry, I almost forgot

the shin guards.

Are we having Taco Thursday?

Is there anything

you want to tell me?

-No.

-Okay.

I'm not in love with Mathias.

Stop asking me about that.

Is there anything you want to tell me

about stealing?

No, I haven't stolen anything else.

It's just strange that Felix's mother

says he can't find his wallet.

Mom, get a grip. I haven't

stolen anything from Felix.

I'm so mad at you!

It's one thing to steal

from your classmates,

but then you f*cking keep on doing it

after you were caught,

and you have the nerve to lie

to my face! Out of the car!

-But I didn't do it, Mom!

-Get out.

-Mom!

-Get out of the car!

-I didn't do it.

-I don't want to see your face!

-Listen to me! I didn't do it!

-Close the door!

-You have to believe me!

-No!

-b*tch!

-Close the door!

I have an appointment.

Sorry for being late.

-English, please. Name?

-Pernille Middelthon.

Please take a seat.

But the next time

when you are late,

please call and let us know.

Sorry, I got

a bit stuck in traffic.

First time?

For nails? Yes.

-Gel or acryl?

-Sorry?

Just give me your hand.

Okay, you have very short nails.

So next time before you book your

appointment, you need to call us.

Yeah. Sorry.

Hey.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Sorry about last time.

You're not exactly the cleaner.

No, I'm the one who should apologize.

I could have Sorry.

Yeah.

Are you doing your nails?

I got a gift card from

the Stovner Police Department

because I held a lecture for them.

Wow. That was nice.

I guess you don't get many perks

in the Child Welfare Services.

No, that's for sure.

Are you working in Barnevernet?

So you understand Norwegian?

A little.

I have to run. It was nice

to properly meet you.

Very nice to

Sorry.

-Did you cut her finger?

-Sometimes it happens.

People get hurt in Barnevernet.

-Maybe you should bandage it.

-No, it'll be fine.

Get someone to look at it.

I have to run to a yoga class.

Thanks for the help.

Hey, I just want to say

I'm very glad Bjørnar's doing well.

-Okay. Bye.

-Bye.

Torstein?

How was Charlie today?

Things are starting to get better,

but we've been worried that he might

do something stupid.

We've prayed for him.

He's been really down.

Down? He's not the only one.

But with children to take care of,

you shouldn't wallow in remorse.

-Suck on the lollipop of grief.

-Dad.

Let's talk about the confirmation.

That's why you're here.

The confirmation costs 40,000.

I'll pay 20,000.

Maybe you could pay the rest?

Or Charlie,

providing he put something aside.

Yes

Torstein and I find it a bit odd

that nobody asked for our opinion

about the secular confirmation.

What do you mean by "opinion"?

It's not that we don't want

to help out with the confirmation,

but confirmation is

a Christian tradition.

We find it strange that we're

expected to contribute financially

to something we don't believe in,

or that we would have liked

to do differently.

Confirmation's one of the first big

decisions a young person makes,

and Leo wants a secular confirmation.

Yes, of course it is.

And that's why we should've been

involved in the discussion.

You could have talked to Leo anytime.

Like when you were in Tenerife with

all the grandchildren, except Leo.

You could have come to his birthdays

or called him.

Then you could have talked to him.

Can we focus on the confirmation and

talk about the other issues later?

It's all connected.

Leo has two healthy grandparents

who don't do sh*t for him

in the f*cked up situation he's in.

You haven't invited him to Granvin,

you don't call him,

and now you want a say in this

confirmation? It doesn't make sense!

No, it might not make sense.

But we have a son

who's paralyzed from the waist down.

And Leo told us right to our face

in Anne's funeral

that he hates us and his father.

So we thought he didn't want

to be with us.

-That he needed time to himself.

-Birgitte

No, wait.

Of course he says that he hates you.

He doesn't hate you. He's pissed off.

But you're the ones

who have to bang on his door

and be there for him.

He's just a kid, and you're adults.

It's your job to be there for him.

I need some air. Excuse me.

It's good to ventilate.

Hello?

I'm not talking to you before

you show me that wallet.

That temper You got that from me.

Sorry about that.

They're shitty people.

To think that such shitty people

can have a nice son like Charlie.

You're being unfair.

They're not shitty people.

He's not, anyway.

They're just Christian conservatives

from Western Norway.

They deal with problems

by pretending everything's fine.

That doesn't make them shitty people.

Do I have to call and apologize?

No, you don't. Birgitte's the one

who should apologize.

By the way, I tried to lighten

the mood after you left.

I told them I'm in a relationship.

With a man.

-That must have lightened the mood.

-Sure did.

Next they'll be requesting

custody of Leo.

Don't joke about that.

Would they do that?

They can't afford a teenager.

They're not just shitty people,

they're stingy, too.

-Your smoking worries me.

-Sorry. I have to take this.

Okay.

-Hi, Torill.

-Hey, you.

I'm sorry, but we found

Felix's wallet.

He lost it at the cinema.

I'm really sorry.

No, I understand,

with the history and all that.

-No

-It's fine.

Okay, see you at choir practice.

The "Of Course It Hurts when Buds

Break" concert is coming up soon.

Yes, as if anyone will buy tickets

to a concert with a name like that.

I love the name.

-It was actually my suggestion.

-I see.

-Okay, I'll see you.

-Okay. Bye.

Can you remind me not to say

all my thoughts out loud?

-Sigrid, can I come in for a minute?

-No.

Felix's mom called and said

they found the wallet at the cinema.

I want to apologize

for being so angry.

You never believe me.

Is Grandpa's boyfriend coming over

for dinner on Saturday?

You didn't believe

that I scored at Norway Cup.

You didn't watch the semi-finals.

I'm going out on Saturday.

Can we have an early dinner?

It's a little hard to trust you

after those thefts.

By the way, I got fired from

McDonald's, but it wasn't my fault.

I was late twice.

Twice.

Can this wait?

I'm talking to Sigrid right now.

I always want

to watch you play soccer.

But I'm an idiot.

Sometimes I just forget.

I'm sorry, Sigrid.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-Are you leaving?

-Yes.

-Who are you meeting?

-I'm meeting Nina.

The one with the superglue thing.

Maj-Lis asked if she could take the

twins to the mountain this weekend.

So if you don't have any plans for

Saturday, maybe we could have dinner?

Going out to eat, not just in

Even though your garage is

super nice. I like it a lot.

Yes, I'd love to,

but Dad's boyfriend's coming over.

For dinner.

But I could make it a bit early.

It'll be fine. Where are we going?

We're going to a place

of your choosing.

Okay.

-Okay, I really have to

-Yeah, I have to

Nina is waiting.

-Bye.

-Bye.

That salad was splendid.

-That's all Leo.

-Really?

The world's easiest salad.

It's just walnuts, mango and spinach.

That's just it.

I love those simple things.

What do you think about Dad's chances

of getting his driver's license?

Most older people need

a long time to learn something new,

but not Baldwin. You're so focused.

He's really good.

If you and Grandpa move in together,

will you give us free lessons?

Hey, where are your manners?

Leo, can you decide whether you want

tapas or not? I have to order soon.

I don't know, but Grandpa sent me

500 kroner yesterday.

-Okay?

-Isn't that weird? He never

Sigrid, no phones at the table.

I guess he realized he forgot to send

you something for your birthday.

I have to leave now,

but it was nice meeting you.

We're having banana bread

for dessert.

I have to stop by Emma before

we meet Tellef on the bus.

By the way, Tuva's husband

got you a job at Elkjøp.

-Elkjøp?

-Not one bad word about Elkjøp.

You told me that all the parents

get jobs for their kids.

I got you one.

I'm the mother of the year.

A student of mine works at Elkjøp.

He's really happy.

Hey! Phones at the table.

Didn't we agree?

It's Charlie.

Hey, you.

Yes. Just a moment.

Do you want to speak to Dad?

-Sure.

-He's coming.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi. Yeah. What about you?

Yeah, it's fine.

Okay. See you. Bye.

He asked if he could come to

the confirmation. I said it was fine.

You did?

-Mom, can we watch a movie tonight?

-No, I'm going out.

-Where are you going?

-I'm just meeting some colleagues.

Are you going on a date? With who?

If it's Hans Petter, I'll cut myself.

No, I'm not going on a date.

Grandpa's here and

You're going on a date. I can see it.

You have sl*t face, Mom.

You're way too old for that!

Hey, stop it.

-You're so cringe. Can I be excused?

-Go ahead.

-I'm sorry.

-No, I have kids in junior high too.

Pørni, your kids are great.

And they make really good food.

And then he signed up for croquis.

It's sounds like a cliché,

but we didn't talk before that dinner

when I ended up next to you.

I was nervous at first,

but that stopped because it was

so easy to talk to you.

I thought you were a bit young.

And that you probably had

a girlfriend.

But I didn't.

Can I make a confession?

-Oh, no.

-No, it's good.

And a bit embarrassing, but good.

I always ask to get your cases.

Always.

I love sitting in the car with

you after, when you drive me home.

And I've felt that for a long time.

Since the seminar, when we met.

-Whoa. Sorry.

-That's fine.

Wow. She wanted

to get in your pants.

-Her?

-Yeah.

-But she has really short t*ts.

-Not interested.

Sorry.

From Hanna: Elkjøp wants me

to work FIVE days a week.

Teenagers.

What do you think? Do we have time

to drink another bottle of wine

before I bring you home

and violate you?

Okay.

Damn. Sorry. I can't even mute this.

From Dad: Torstein and Birgitte want

Leo to live at Granvin.

What?

Just Leo's insane grandparents.

Should we order

another bottle of wine?

Oh, my God.

She has dressed up, or at least

tried to, but it's no use.

She's still old.

-She could be his mom. What the f*ck?

-It's insane.

Can't she just go to Gambia instead?

-He's just f*ck-blind.

-Yes, that's exactly what he is.

He'll leave her. Anyone can see that.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Do you think she heard us?

-Yes.

-You're 13 years younger than me.

-Pretty nice.

Did you know that "mature"

plus "big t*ts" is the most searched

category on Pornhub?

No, you have to listen to me.

You're younger than me,

you have two kids,

you'll eventually want more kids,

and I'm close to menopause.

I had a surgery on one knee,

and I'll have to do the other.

I'll never be able to run after twins

who fall down the stairs.

-Hey

-Do you know what I do?

I call my sister, even though

she's been dead for six months.

I leave stupid messages

on her voicemail.

-Has something?

-We can't

You don't deserve all my mess.

It's wrong that you

and I are drinking wine

and are about to violate each other

back at your place.

-Why is that wrong?

-Because you're f*ck-blind.

And so am I.

This isn't going to end well.

I'm sorry.

-Sorry.

-No

-But

-I just need my coat.

Are you?

You've reached Anne.

Please send an SMS

and don't leave a message,

because I won't listen to it anyway.

I'll call back as soon

as possible. Bye!

Hi.

I don't know if it's because

I'm really, really smart or

the world's biggest idiot,

but I think I just broke up

with the man of my life.

Sorry.