narrator:
f*ck cancer.
Yes, it's a crazy way
to start a show,
but this is Shana,
and she's living with it.
She's 55, retired,
lives with her two dogs,
and she's still got
a smile on her face
and wine in her glass.
Cheers to you, Shana.
But no, really,
f*ck you, cancer.
This is Ella.
Ella is from Sweden.
And she's an organizer.
[lively string music]
* *
This is Johan.
Yep, also from Sweden.
Johan is a designer.
[car horn honks]
And then there's Katarina.
A Swede, clearly.
She's a psychologist.
[car horn honks]
all:
Hey!
[laughter]
narrator: Together, they are
a team of death cleaners.
Yes, you heard me right.
Death cleaning.
Cleaning out your crap
so others don't have to
when you're dead.
It's a very Swedish thing.
You'll get it.
[gentle music]
This episode is gonna be
a little different.
Death cleaning
for Shana is really
about cleaning for death.
- I need
Swedish death cleaning
because I have cancer.
And at some point,
I'm going to have to deal
with all the things
in my house.
I can't just die
and have my friends
and family and Jeff--
narrator:
Hang on a minute.
Let us tell you who Jeff is.
Jeff is Shana's loving
and supportive husband.
Oh, wait, they're separated.
But he still supports her
and loves her,
but he doesn't live with her
because they're separated.
A truly modern couple.
Got it? Great. Let's back up.
- I can't just die
and have my friends
and family and Jeff
have to walk in here
and go item by item
through all of my belongings.
It's not fair.
narrator:
Enter our death cleaners,
three Swedes with a knack
for going through belongings.
They'll help you, Shana.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
- Welcome, welcome.
This is crazy.
You're in my living room.
- We're here!
- Come in.
- Yeah, close the door.
- Can we sit?
- Yes. Yes.
I don't know what
you know about me, even.
[laughter]
So I'm Shana.
- My name is Johan.
- Johan.
- And I'm Katarina,
but you can call me Kat.
- Kat.
- And Ella is my name.
- Ella.
- Yes, we are so curious
to know
a little more why we are here.
Can you tell us?
- Goodness.
We'll just rip off
the Band-Aid.
I have stage four
metastatic lung cancer.
It is terminal.
- Ah.
- So for now,
I'm doing pretty good.
But I--I don't know
when I might not
be doing pretty good.
I need to get organized
so I don't pass this on
to my friends and family
to take care of.
- Yeah. Applaud for that.
- We can leave now.
She's done the work.
[laughter]
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- My mother had cancer,
and she never, ever spoke about
when I'm not here, dot dot dot.
- Really?
- Never.
- Then it's all up to the
person that are left behind--
- While grieving.
- While grieving.
- Yeah.
- I hope it also helps me
instigate conversations
with my friends and maybe--
maybe I will realize I can
have those conversations
and I maybe need to be the one.
They're unlikely
to approach me and say,
let's talk about cancer.
- I think--I think there's
also a big difference,
actually how we
have it in Sweden.
I think it's some
very American thing
also to not talk about death
because everyone that--some--
yeah, we don't know.
- At some point, we die.
- Yeah.
- You know, sooner or later,
that's the fact that--
- You know, I've tried
to have a couple
of light conversations
with my friends
about giving them items
or asking them
if there's anything in my house
they would particularly like.
And that totally makes
their butt clench.
- What is a butt clench?
- Uh...
[laughter]
narrator:
Let us take this one, Shana.
A butt clench is an
informal phrase indicating
a tightening of the buttocks
through extreme fear
or embarrassment.
Got it?
- Not PG.
[laughter]
I need help.
And I need to let them come
in here and work their magic
and kind of let go
of my type A-ness.
That sounds bad.
I said "an*s."
[light string music]
- So no more
butt-clenching friends.
Let's look around the house.
- Oh, we're doing this.
- Yes.
- Okay.
narrator: First up is Johan,
who will focus
on teaching Shana
to death clean through design.
- So--
- So this is the bedroom.
- This is the bedroom.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is where I'm spending
more and more time
when I'm not feeling well.
Come in.
- Thank you.
- Get comfortable.
- So cozy.
- The gray, I'm just
a little tired of.
- It's a bit dark,
don't you think?
- Yeah.
narrator: "Fifty Shades
of Grey," great book.
But maybe not the best choice
of bedroom color.
- It doesn't feel really warm.
- No.
- It's kind of sad.
- It's all one shade.
- All gray.
- As a designer, I wanna
get to know the purpose
of each room I'm working with.
Of course, a bedroom
is a bedroom.
But in Shana's case,
she's gonna spend
a lot of time in here.
So my goal this week
is to make Shana's bedroom
as comfortable as possible.
This is one thing that
I would love to help you with
to make it more, like,
warm, cozy.
The Swedish death cleaning
is--it's not just like
with organizing, thinking about
giving things away
to your friends and so on.
But it's also a way
of, like, living the life
you have right now on purpose.
Because it can,
in a natural way,
declutter the space
and also a way
of refurbishing the space
as well.
So if there's something
in here that
you would say that, you know,
I could let go of this,
you know.
- When I moved here, I couldn't
decide on closet doors.
- Yeah.
- Curtains went up
on the closets.
There is nothing I'm
attached to in this room.
I would take out my jewelry.
I have some jewelry
on the dresser, but.
- I'll take the jewelry.
[both laugh]
narrator: Moving right along
from Johan's
literal pearl clutching,
next up, our organizer
extraordinaire, Ella,
digs into the sma saker,
which is Swedish
for "little things."
- I am the organization pro.
So I help people really
to go through the big stuff,
the small stuff, and what--
what are important for you, so.
- Okay.
- This week is not so much
for me to do.
This is gonna be
a lot more work for Katarina.
Shana, she doesn't have
so much stuff, actually.
She is quite organized
as well.
But in her situation,
we need to go
through her stuff anyway.
It's very easy
you can feel overwhelmed
when you look at your things.
And that's all normal.
Everyone does it also.
And I have some rules
and methods.
So to help out in this process.
For example,
you can see that I have
three plastic boxes over here.
The green one is the things
you want to save.
The yellow one is things
that you think could
go to someone else,
donate it or so.
And the red one is just
get rid of, throw away.
I also have a little rule
that I call One Touch Rule.
That's also to focus
on one thing
and make a decision about that.
narrator: One Touch Regel,
or One Touch Rule.
- What do we start?
- The linen closet?
- Yeah, maybe that could be
a good place to start.
- It's a smaller area.
- Let's go there and see
what we have to dig into.
- I have some things
that don't matter.
They're just stored in here.
- Yeah.
Look for the red--red items.
- Red item.
- Yes.
- Red items. Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- And maybe it could be
a donation.
So then it's the--
the yellow--yellow dot.
- Should we put these in bins?
- Yes, I think we go with this.
- Okay.
I know I don't have
a lot of stuff
and my closets
aren't spilling out,
but it's just still
too much stuff.
These I like because
they were my mother's.
- Yes.
- One of my grandmothers
made that.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I don't really
have to have those.
- Nope.
So that was a donation
for loved ones.
- I can't take it with me.
And I don't want
a charity truck
backing up in my driveway
and taking my entire life away
in the back of a truck.
I don't want it to be that way.
[somber music]
- Bye-bye and thank you,
we say.
- Bye-bye and thank you.
- Yes. [laughs] Yes.
[contemplative music]
narrator:
Kat is our psychologist
and tends to strike
an emotional chord.
If Kat were a Spice Girl,
she'd be Vulnerable Spice.
- Oh.
Shana.
- Yes?
- I just found this.
You have, like,
another room in your house?
narrator: An outdoor room,
like a backyard.
- What would you actually
call this with this--
with the tr--like, yeah?
- Deck, my deck.
- Yeah, your deck. Okay.
narrator:
And to confuse Kat even more,
Shana calls her backyard
a deck.
- How do you like this space?
- Well, I have a love-hate
relationship with my backyard.
- It's complicated on Facebook.
- My deck is in
pretty rough shape.
- Yeah.
- I can't keep up
with all of my
landscaping anymore.
- Yeah.
- But my dogs play out here.
I drink wine out here
with girlfriends.
And sometimes, I can't
have people in the house.
If they haven't tested
for COVID recently,
we can sit outside.
So I can still see my people.
- Wow, I love that, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Amazing. Okay.
So this room is
like the bridge--
- Deck. My deck.
- Yeah, your deck. Okay.
American.
- Yard.
- Yard.
Shana really lights up
when she talks
about how much she
spends time out
on her deck with her friends.
Clearly, this is
an important space for her.
I will talk to Johan about
making this deck
the most beautiful space
for her so she can keep having
conversations with her friends,
maybe even
more vulnerable ones.
narrator: And now
with the deck plan sorted,
Kat and Shana can move on
to some non-deck items inside.
- Oh.
- Amazing.
- That was my grandmother's.
- Oh, wow.
- And then passed to my mom
and passed to me.
This piece is something
that's gonna be
sentimental to deal with.
That's my mom
as a little girl.
Those are my mom.
- Wow.
- There is china.
- Yeah.
- That was my grandmother's.
- Oh, okay.
- It feels weird sending them
to a thrift store.
- Yeah.
- It feels weird.
I understand that
through this process,
I'm gonna have to just accept
that I have loved them
and that
they're gonna have to go.
So I am separated
from my husband.
- Okay, so you're married--
you were married
and then you separated?
- We're still married.
- Are you--
you're still married?
Oh, yes.
Okay.
I feel like this is
the kind of story
I would like to sit down for.
[both laugh]
Would you like to have a seat?
- Yes.
Would you like some lemonade?
- Yeah, sure.
But I can get it.
You just have a seat.
- Well, that's--that is nice.
- Take a seat.
- I'll take this side.
- Of course.
Oh, I love this glass.
Do you know that
this is really, like,
a common phrase in Sweden?
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
But you were telling me
about your marriage setup.
- So--
- Yes. You were married.
You're separated.
- I am married.
We're separated.
I think at some point
we thought
we were going to divorce,
but then we just
kept becoming better friends.
I know there are some things
I would like him to have.
But I would also like
to let him know
I don't want to give him
everything
and I'm not leaving him out
of the process on purpose.
If I had children,
I could totally
dump some of this stuff on them
and make them deal with it.
This was your grandmother's.
You're getting it
no matter what.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I just say, like,
I admire you so much
for doing this?
For actually, like, wanting
to have a plan for your things,
making things easier
for others?
Because of course,
the emotional side
is so loud sometimes
and, like, overwhelms you.
But in the middle
of that storm,
you still have to kind of keep
going at the practical stuff.
- When I was first diagnosed
and I was telling people,
and then for weeks after,
my friends were saying,
I'm here for anything you need.
And I missed an opportunity
to say
maybe what I really needed.
- You mean like emotionally?
- Yeah, or...
- Or...
- Belongings
or future planning.
For my friends and I not
to be able to talk about it,
there's this giant elephant
in the room
where no one knows
how I'm really feeling.
- Really?
- [voice breaking]
Because I just say I'm fine.
[solemn music]
I'm sorry.
- No, don't be sorry.
- I don't wanna cry
all the way through this.
But you do feel
really isolated.
- Of course.
- There is not a day that
I don't think about the fact
that I have cancer.
There's not a day.
I feel it.
I have different aches
and pains and symptoms.
- Like, it would be natural
to talk about
what you experience every day.
In all of the other
aspects of life,
we do talk about those things.
One thing I'm curious about
is how clear do you feel
that you've been with them
on that?
- Probably not very.
- Most people do wanna help
and do wanna support
and all that but they
just don't know how.
And as a default, we go quiet.
In the U.S.,
it seems like there's
this very heavy focus on
the bright and the positive
and everything's, like, super.
- Oh, I'm for sure guilty
of that.
- Mm. I think death
carries so much.
Of course, there's the pain,
but there's also
a lot of life in death
and, like, the love,
what really matters,
like, it gives you
this kind of perspective,
this sharpness to life.
- I feel this weight lifting,
just talking to you,
just being to express
how I feel.
- Aw.
- I'm so glad you're here.
[both laugh]
I just didn't know how much
I needed to talk about this.
[birds chirping]
[contemplative music]
* *
narrator:
Ladies and gentlemen, fika.
[Johan and Kat sigh]
- What a lovely fika.
- A fantastic fika.
- Yeah.
It's so nice to have
a little moment now
with you two where
we are sitting down.
What are your thoughts now
when we have met her?
- Well, normally,
I'm used to clear up,
you know, a lot of stuff,
and we go through things,
plan for how
you're gonna live there
on purpose
for a longer period of time.
So what's different
in this situation
is about, like,
making the last part
of a life very comfortable.
- And I showed her really
how she can work
through her things...
- Okay.
- With my dot system.
Yeah?
- Isn't that
your signature strength?
A small kick in the butt
with a big difference?
- Yeah. Oof.
Not so small.
[laughter]
Yeah. Yeah.
A manner feels--
felt really good.
- With the bedroom, I would
like to bring in more comfort,
nice beddings.
And then we have
the outside patio as well...
- Right.
- Which is gonna be
a super nice
little holiday retreat.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- And I also think it's a way
to bring people to the house
and just have a relaxed nice
time and hang out together.
- I love how you, like,
focused on the social parts
of her life because sometimes,
I think we think about dying
as this medical condition,
this physiological phenomena.
But actually, dying is
such a social phenomena
if we make it so.
There's not one person
that's gonna escape this.
We're all born,
and we're all going to die.
- Yeah.
- So let's talk about it.
- Yeah.
* *
- This is the closet.
- Yeah.
You see. Show me.
One of my favorite things
in this process
is to go
through people's closets.
That is where I found a lot
of hidden clutter.
But it's also a place
that could hold
a lot of emotional baggage.
I don't think you have
a lot of things at all.
- No.
This is mostly
my career wear...
- Okay, so now--
- From years
as a project manager
and event producer.
- Ah, I get it.
- And I am not able
to work anymore.
- No, no.
So this is mostly things maybe.
- Mostly things I have
to just let go of.
- Yeah.
You are not going to work more.
So mostly of this--
- My career--
it's letting go of that.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
That could be tough.
Yeah. And don't be afraid.
I know that this
could be emotional,
and I'm here for you.
- [voice breaking]
Mostly, it's just that
that represents my job.
And I was really good
at my job, so...
- I get it.
It's really like closing a door
in kind of a way as well.
So--but I will help you.
We can do--
- Ella's got it.
- Yeah. We got it.
What we are going to do,
we are gonna start doing piles
with the things
you want to have--
like, save and also the things
that you want to give away
to special persons,
for example, or donation.
- Some things, my friend Jenny
has a boutique.
- Yeah, nice, nice.
- There are some things
that I bought from there
that I would like to send back.
- Perfect.
- Because Jenny will have
a place for them.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Is there anything in here
that you think
that, okay, this I might wear?
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
This because I still wear
in the winter.
- Yeah, yeah, good.
So that's a keeper.
- So that I still wear.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I like this,
and it fits well.
If I have to go still anywhere,
I still wear these in the fall.
- These two. Yes.
Here is a nice piece.
It's really a nice dress.
- This is sentimental.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes.
Come here. Come here.
Mm. Mm.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I'm not gonna cry.
- It's okay.
You can cry.
- This, um...
I bought for a party,
then COVID came.
- Yeah.
- I never--
have still not worn it.
- No?
That is special for you really.
- It's one of those
twirling dresses
you just want to twirl with.
And it's also a Halston dress.
- Yeah. So nice.
- I definitely
wanna keep that.
And I want to be able
to wear that someday.
- Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
We put that on that pile then.
- Ella, I'm gonna go
to a party someday.
- Yeah, of course.
Should do that.
- I am still gonna go
to a party.
- Life has not ended yet,
you know.
So you still can do things.
- Yeah.
- That's also important.
- I'm feeling good.
I should be doing things now.
- Yeah, you should.
narrator: It's always time
to party, Shana.
And we'll party
with you any day.
- That is donate.
- Yes.
- Donate. Donate.
Just do it. Donate.
- Yes, yeah.
- Donate.
- You are doing an amazing job.
- We're moving.
It's good.
I like it.
- And then you have some
from the dry cleaner here.
- Oh. Oh.
So...
- That's also one of the things
you're really attached to?
- Yeah.
[voice breaking]
I forgot about that.
[heartfelt music]
That was my mom's.
- Oh.
So your mother had this one.
- So it's very old.
- Yeah, yeah.
- It just--how do I let
something like that go?
How do you do that?
- It's--it's no strange
at all.
It would be more strange
if you didn't have
any attachment
to, yeah, your things.
That's why people have
a hard time
to let go of things.
- Yeah.
- You can save it
if it means a lot to you
for your own purpose,
like, save it.
- Sentimental things.
- Yeah.
And this is one of the things
we do also
in Swedish death cleaning,
that you can have those things.
You can take it up,
have those memories,
and then put it back.
- Like, she had that
before she was 20.
- Ah.
- And then I wore it.
- It's a lot of memories
in this one, then, yeah.
Death cleaning doesn't mean
that you have to throw away
everything.
It's about editing down
and only keeping the stuff
that truly matters to you
the most.
You're gonna find
important stuff.
And you can save them.
You just can't have
a house full of it.
Good job.
[soft ethereal music]
[singers vocalizing]
narrator:
Shana's stamina is not up
to many days of cleaning
in a row.
She needed a little break.
And so our death cleaners
decided that
they would take a break, too--
a very Swedish break at a spa.
- This is so relaxing.
- Yeah. Really nice.
- I feel we needed this.
- Yeah. Proper break.
- We definitely deserve this.
- I'm just sad that
Shana's not with us today.
- Yeah, I agree.
But yeah, it was tough for her.
So--
- Yeah.
It's good that
she's resting today, but...
- Yeah.
- Did you see what
they had on the menu here?
- No.
- No.
- Swedish massage.
both: Oh!
- Okay.
- We can be proud
about that export.
- Yeah.
[laughter]
- How does that feel?
- It feels weak.
- Would you like it deeper?
- I would like it deeper.
- All right.
- A bit more.
- More Swedish?
- Yeah, more Swedish.
* *
narrator:
Yep. Swedes love to be naked.
[mellow sitar music]
Meanwhile, Ella is deciding
what color dot to put on it.
* *
- Oh!
narrator:
Okay.
It's time to get back to work.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
Clearly,
Ella loves an accessory,
so let's keep an eye out
that none of these go missing
while Shana's out
of the house.
- This could go.
- Because Kat has taken her
on a little utflykt,
or, as we say in English,
excursion.
- So this is a yoga studio.
I'm actually not only
a psychologist
but also an certified
AcroYoga teacher.
- Of course you are.
[both laugh]
Of course you are.
- This is one
of my big loves in life.
It's a practice
that combines yoga,
acrobatics, and healing arts.
- Okay.
- This exercise is called
the Titanic
based on, you know,
this in the front.
narrator:
Titanic?
Okay, so who's gonna be Rose
and who's gonna be Jack?
Oh, Shana is Rose.
Oh, this is so romantic.
- So start leaning forward.
You can keep going.
Even so you feel like,
"Oh, my God, I'm gonna tip."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going.
Great. Yes.
- I'm terrified.
- You're doing great.
So when we have support,
we're able to go
so much further, right,
than when we were
standing on our own.
- Yeah.
narrator: Ah, I see
where we're going with this.
- In order to feel supported,
you need to have trust.
And this is true for AcroYoga
as well as in relationships.
So this will be
the support right now.
- Okay.
- Yes?
- Sure.
- Push into my feet
with your hips.
Perfect.
Yeah, nice. Yeah.
I got you.
Then, when we exhale,
I'm gonna lift you up,
and we're gonna connect hands,
okay?
- Are paramedics nearby?
[both laugh]
- So we inhale
and exhaling forward.
[calming music]
Yeah. Okay.
And you can bring your hands
under your shoulder.
Perfect. Yes.
- What is happening right now?
- And we can let go
of the hands even.
- What?
- Ta-da.
And you can bring them out
to the side if you want to.
Yes.
- Oh!
- [laughs]
I got you.
- Oh, it's super scary.
- Yeah.
- And yet it's kind of freeing.
- It's fine. I got you.
We can connect hands.
Okay, I'm gonna put you down
so we can talk about this.
- Okay.
- Whee.
- Okay, so... yeah.
- Can we sit?
- Yes, please come sit.
- My legs feel like jelly.
- Yeah.
- It was fear and fun
at the same time.
Like, I've never trusted
someone like that.
- And you know, you wouldn't
have been able
to let go of my hands
if you didn't feel
properly supported.
Like, physically, you can't
because you would fall.
You really need to feel
supported in order to let go.
And this is really
why we're here, to support you.
So you will feel held enough
that you can let go.
- I need to allow
my support group
to come in and do that.
I have to talk to them and feel
like I'm really supported.
- For real.
Yeah, truly support you.
- Yeah.
Because I will get sick.
- Mm.
- My cancer is terminal,
and so I'm gonna need people.
There will be a time
where I will need
my friends and my family.
So I better get used to
trusting and asking for help.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Whenever we go through
really challenging times,
one of
the most important things
that we can do for ourselves
that's true self-care
is actually opening up
and connecting to other people.
And Shana should really know
this because her mother
did not do this at the time
that was the most challenging
for her.
So when your mom was ill,
what was that like for you?
- So first,
my mom had a stroke.
We thought that nothing
can get worse than this.
And then she got cancer.
Then she felt vulnerable
and didn't wanna let people in.
And so sometimes, I said, "Mom,
your friends wanna come
and help you."
And she would say,
"I only want you here."
- Oh.
- And it just stabbed me
in the heart.
And that's why my marriage
didn't work,
because I couldn't
take care of everybody.
I think Jeff just got
kind of left behind.
- Yeah.
But that's a huge sacrifice
you did.
Do you feel any pattern there,
like she was
keeping her friends at bay?
- Mm.
[solemn music]
Yeah.
I hadn't really thought
about it that way.
- It's not every day
that we have a best friend
who is have terminal cancer.
So I bet you that
the kind of loss--
- I think it was probably
a little shocking, yeah.
- And also, it's not
every day we find out
that we have terminal cancer.
- Sorry.
- No, of course.
- Hearing--hearing you say,
"You have terminal cancer"--
I have--I haven't heard
anyone say that to me
except my doctor.
Like, I've been saying it
to people.
But no one says that back
to me, like,
"I'm acknowledging
you have terminal cancer."
No one said that to me.
And that's just--it's big.
It just--it just made me
super emotional.
I say it to people.
- Yeah, but it's
a total different thing.
- But you just acknowledged
that you understand that, and--
and you're talking
about it with me.
- We need to be met in
these dark corners of our life
in order for them
to be real and in order
for them to be processed.
We can gather your friends.
It could be like something fun,
like a party.
We can seize an opportunity
during the party
where you can actually express
how important they are
and how you want to keep them
close on this journey
regarding death,
dying, and cancer.
And I would love for you
to really use those words
and actually just go there.
- Just say it.
- Yeah, just say it.
* *
[soft piano music]
* *
narrator:
Um, Shana?
Has anyone seen Shana?
Oh, she's in slow motion.
She's taking a while
because someone
put her in slow motion.
Okay. That's okay.
We'll wait.
We will wait.
[doorbell rings]
Okay, she's here.
[doorbell rings]
And ringing her own doorbell.
Guys, someone wanna get that?
Thank you, Ella. Jeez.
- Ella.
- Hello.
Come in. Come in.
- I'm afraid.
- Welcome home.
[overlapping chatter]
- Welcome home.
- My people are here.
- There are
so many surprises right now.
This is gonna be like going
to a theme park for you.
Just like,
"Oh, what's happening here?
Oh, what's happening here?"
- Let's go check out
the bedroom.
This way. After you.
- Johan,
what did you do in here?
I'm afraid.
I am afraid to open it.
What's going--
[gasps]
narrator: Now, before we
show you Shana's new bedroom,
let's rewind and revisit
what it looked like before.
Shana's bedroom
is her sanctuary.
But it was dark and crowded,
and oh,
so many shades of gray.
So the goal
was to make this room
a little more inviting and a
little less corporate housing.
- Oh, my gosh.
Are you kidding me?
* *
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna pee my pants.
narrator:
Oh, it's your house, Shana.
Do what you want.
- Look at this.
That's not my bed.
Oh.
Oh, my--
- My God!
- Johan.
Look at my bed.
- It's beautiful, right?
- I didn't have closet doors.
- And look in here.
I made some order
for you as well.
- Look at this.
[gasps]
I really wanted nice doors.
Now I'm crying over doors.
[Johan laughs]
narrator:
Don't worry, Shana.
We've all been there.
- Oh, my gosh, I just
have to get in that bed.
Are you kidding me?
Shut up.
- It's comfy, right?
- Johan, it's so beautiful.
Oh, my gosh.
Don't make me cry.
I'm not crying.
- We really wanted
to revamp Shana's bedroom.
I love linen beddings
because it's
so comfortable to your skin
and it becomes so cozy.
And this is where she's
gonna spend a lot of time
as her disease progresses.
- Is that a chalkboard?
- That is both an art piece
and a television.
- That's not my TV.
- Yeah, it's a wall-mounted TV
with a wooden frame.
I'm gonna show you later
how it works.
- I'm so bougie now.
- Yeah.
[both laugh]
- Oh, my gosh.
- How does it feel?
- It feels really good,
but my heart is pounding...
- [laughs]
- Through my chest.
Oh, Johan, it's pink.
It's perfect pink.
- You love pink,
and I love this color too.
It's peaceful and calm.
- I love it.
It's so good.
- I'm so glad you like it.
- Oh, my gosh.
I just love every single thing.
Oh, it's just beautiful.
Oh.
- Hello!
- Hi.
Oh, what do you think?
- Oh, my gosh.
Have you seen this?
- Yeah, of course.
- You did my closet.
I saw my closet.
My closet doors
are so crazy cool.
- If Shana is so excited
about closet doors,
I can't wait to show her
what I've done.
I have more to show you.
- Stop.
- She's eager.
- Let's go.
- She wants to show you more.
- Yeah.
I want to show you more.
- I don't--like,
how much more can I take?
- We are going in here in
this room now and take a look.
- Going in here.
- And here, you have
done like this also.
You had that other, you know,
piece of furniture in there
that was a little broken,
the black one.
And when I sneak a peek--
- That big jewelry chest.
- Yeah.
I sneakedy-peeked in that one.
It wasn't just jewelries
in this piece.
- I can see everything.
- And now, you can
also do the work
and go through this things.
And because some
of these pieces
maybe are important
or something,
you will give away
to your friends as well.
- Oh, yeah.
- That was my mom's
high school ring.
- You really can see
what this important stuff.
- I like that.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Now it's time. Yes.
Let's look here in the closet.
- [gasps] Oh.
[gasps]
Look at my handbags.
- Yes.
- It's like they're on display.
- Yes.
narrator: And now
when these purses vote,
they will have
the privacy they deserve.
- This is magic.
I love these dividers.
- Yeah.
- Oh, it's just beautiful.
- But you have everything
in here now,
and you can see it very easy.
- It just feels so manageable.
It doesn't feel like
it's all stuffed up there
and it's overwhelming.
- No. One of the tricks.
If you take two fingers
in between a hanger,
then you know also
that the clothes can, like--
- It's so much nicer.
- Yeah.
It's easier to--
- It's all new hangers.
- Yeah. Yes.
- It's just a relief
to have doors on my closet.
It's just the little things.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- All my dresses back
in my closet.
- Yes.
- Aw.
You kept a space
for my mom's sweater.
- You loved it so much.
It meant so much to you.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
Yes. Makes me happy.
- Yes.
I know it did.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
narrator: The death cleaners
have done really,
really amazing things
for Shana.
But there's still
one more surprise left.
Remember Shana's backyard,
patio, deck, outdoor room,
whatever we call it?
Well, check it out now.
- And...
and open your eyes.
- Open?
[gasps]
* *
Oh, my gosh.
- Take it in.
This is your new deck.
- I have a new deck.
- [laughs]
- I can see how much
this means to you.
- I don't feel
deserving of this,
but I feel just
remarkably blessed
that this is happening
right now.
Everything has been so hard
since my diagnosis.
This has just given me
a break from everything hard.
This changed
the whole world around me.
I'm running out of words
to thank you.
- We feel it.
We feel it.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- As long as we don't
run out of wine,
I think
everything's good, right?
[laughter]
- It is more
than I could ever think of.
- Let's have a seat.
- It's like it's
someone else's backyard.
- But it's yours.
- How did you do this?
You've just made
all of my space beautiful
so that if I'm not well,
I just have
such a beautiful place
to be comfortable.
- Yeah.
- You just transformed
not just my house,
but you have
transformed my life.
- So now you have
this wonderful deck
where you can invite
your friends
to talk about your life
and your death.
Later tonight,
there's gonna be a party
where maybe you could have that
conversation with your friends
and talk to them about what
you really need from them.
- And we gonna be
there for you.
- Yes.
- Okay.
I would love that.
I would love that.
- Even though we helped
Shana to death clean her home
and prepare before she goes,
Shana really needed
a death cleaning of her soul.
She needs some support
in stating her needs
and reaching out to her friends
in a true way.
This dinner is something
we've been
prepping for the whole week.
This is her time
to actually state
her true needs to her friends.
[gentle music]
- Hi, Shana.
- It's my death cleaners.
- Oh, wow.
narrator:
Yes. She wore the dress.
- Okay. I'm not crying today.
[laughter]
- Oh.
Can you do a little twirl?
- You're fancy today.
- Wow, that dress.
- I like this.
- The dress.
- Yeah. Not on the hanger.
On you.
I'm so glad to see Shana
in her dress.
She finally got
an occasion to wear it,
and she looks amazing.
- Oh.
- You can sit down for a while.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- [gasps]
People that I didn't know
were going to be here.
narrator: Oh, and here
are Shana's friends
that are having a hard time
talking to her about death.
Oh, boy, are they
on the wrong show.
- Ah, some more people
are coming.
- Jenny, hi!
- Hi! You're so gorgeous.
- These are my death cleaners.
- Hello.
[laughter]
Here we are.
- Hi, you all.
Nice to meet you.
- They're really Swedish.
[laughter]
narrator:
Oh, and there's Jeff.
Remember, they're married,
but they're separated.
But he looks after her.
It's a modern love story.
- Hey, babe.
- Hi, babe.
- How are you doing?
- I'm good.
How are you doing?
- Good.
- I'm fancy today.
- I see that.
You look beautiful, baby.
- Thank you, honey.
- You're welcome.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Oh. [exhales heavily]
- You can sit next to you.
[all talking]
- This is a lot.
- It's the moment of truth.
All week, I've been working
to build up Shana's confidence
and taking ownership
of her needs
in this process of dying,
namely that she needs
to open up to her friends.
I just hope she can do it.
I am right by your side.
- Thank you.
[heartfelt music]
- She's a special person.
If I call her
to ask her for advice,
she's the best person
to ask for that.
- Mimi's, like,
at 99th percentile.
Like, Maddy was--
- And finally,
we went on our...
- A first date.
- Yes, first date.
[indistinct chatter]
- I want to be able to talk
to my friends about death.
I deserve not to spend
the rest of my time
in sadness.
I deserve to spend that time
being open and honest
with my family and friends.
I deserve to be able to ask
for help when I need it.
And now's the time
to be completely honest.
- Cheers
to your beautiful wife.
- Thank you.
[glass clinking]
- Hello.
- Hello, speechmaker.
- So I've never stood up
in front of a table of people
and actually had to say words.
But there's definitely words
that I wanna say.
I know it's super hard
to talk about death.
It's hard for me to talk about
death or think about death.
But I really, really need
for us
to not make it weird anymore,
because this is just
what's happening in my life.
I have cancer.
And if I can't talk to my
people at this table about it,
then I'm going
through it alone.
We've talked about everything.
We've talked about children
and breakups and boyfriends
and husbands and what's sagging
because we're not 40 anymore.
We've talked about everything,
but we can't talk
about cancer and death.
I'm not dying today,
and I'm not dying tomorrow,
but I have terminal cancer,
and I need to be able to talk
about that with my people.
I am going to need help,
and every one of you
at this table has offered.
But now I actually have to
tell you then what I need
so that as the months
and weeks go by,
we can discuss this process.
That's what I wanted to make
sure that I said out loud.
I'm super sick of crying,
so let's drink.
[laughter]
[applause]
narrator:
Good job, Shana.
You did it.
- Shana, she's from
a very long line
of very strong and resilient
and independent women.
And those are the people
I admire the most.
For Shana to share this
with us and have the courage?
You've given us
a beautiful gift.
You really have.
You've given us
a beautiful gift.
- Thanks, Jane.
- Can we have a toast
to death and dying?
[laughter]
- It's going to happen.
- It's going to happen.
- Cheers to the Swedes.
What's the cheers?
- Skol.
- Skol.
- Yes.
- Skol.
all:
Skol!
- Cheers.
* *
- Oh, my gosh.
Well, that was
quite the dinner.
- Yeah, really.
You have such nice friends.
I think you did such amazing
job, also, to tell them.
That was really strong.
So you have
a good support there.
- Yeah.
- I love how this dress
just flows down so far.
- It's the first time
it actually got worn.
And it's so comfortable
and makes me feel airy
and like a princess.
When I put that dress on
and wore it to the party,
I actually--
and I don't feel
this often anymore--
I just felt beautiful.
When you're diagnosed
with cancer,
your body
just starts to change.
No matter if you look normal,
things are changing
and have changed.
So having that moment
with that dress
just was everything to me.
- Well, to pay
some extra honor to the dress,
I think you and I should just
have a last dance.
- Aw.
- May I?
- Oh, my goodness.
narrator: A dance
with a beautiful woman
in a beautiful dress.
How lucky.
* *
- I had an honest
and loving moment
with the people
that are the closest to me.
It turned out
really beautifully.
I just feel lighter,
and I'm ready to start living
in my space
in a different way now.
I kind of can't wait.
* *
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
01x02 - F*ck Cancer
Watch/Buy Amazon
on the Swedish practice of döstädning, where people get rid of unnecessary belongings and put their homes in order.
on the Swedish practice of döstädning, where people get rid of unnecessary belongings and put their homes in order.