01x06 - The Cleanup

[bunniefuu]

- Me and your mom wannna
talk to you.

- Here it comes.

Better brace yourself.
- We are...

- Please God, no.
- ...staying here.

- [screams] My life is over.

You and Dad need
to get it together!

- You better hold me... whoa!

- Boy, if you had
talked to me like that,

I'da hooked you to death.

- I know you're
having a hard time.

If we have to move
here, I'm all for it.

- Man, you just
go with the flow.

- Is his... a*s crying?
- No!

- Your father feels really bad
that he can't provide for us.

This could be a
second chance for him.

- Fine, I'll stay here.

- My girl! Yah!

- Wow. Baby?

- Huh?
- [chuckles]

It's gonna cost a arm... [laughs]

...and a leg to get
this place open.

- Don't. Don't say that.
- Arm and a leg.

What? It's true!

- Baby, that's just,
like, in poor taste, okay?

- Alright, whatever. My bad.

- So?

How much we talkin'?

- [sighs]
If my estimates are right,

it's gonna be probably,
like, 40 thou.

- W-w-w-hat?

- Yeah, we could burn this
...down for less than that.

- What?
- Yeah, and guess what?

We don't have that.

- But, I mean, you know,
maybe we can, um...

- I don't know
what you thinking,

but I'm not shaking my a*s
around here to make no money.

- Ahh, we can get our... you can
get your Magic Mike on, boy.

Let me see.
Go on, do the thing right there.

Ooh, ooh!

- That's just for you.
- Oh, okay.

[laughs] Oh!

Okay, so, I mean, maybe
we can take on a partner.

- Ain't nobody investing
in this raggedy-a*s place.

Look at this.

- Um, maybe we can, um, ask
somebody from the church.

- Like who?
- Maybe Deacon Brown.

He used to have
an old folks home.

- Nah, nah, uh-uh, nah.
- No? Baby, why not?

- No.
- Why?

- He didn't have
no old folks home.

He had seven people
living with him.

That ain't no retirement home.

- Kind of like the same thing.
I mean, it worked.

I mean, should we call him?

- Mmm, he's just so...

- What?
- He's a Bama.

- Baby, you need to be careful.
- He's country. He's country.

You know that. He's a bumpkin.

- You know we in the country.

Talkin' about these people.

- Yeah, but do you really think
he has that kind of money?

- I mean, I don't know,
but I can call him.

- What you mean, call him?

- I mean, call...
- You got his number?

- No, mm-mm.

I'm... Imma call his
daughter, Cora.

That's who Imma call.

- Yeah, way to clean that up.

- Okay.

Yup, Imma call her. [giggles]

I mean, it won't
hurt to ask her, right?

You know?

- Alright, fine.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

But... you think we
doin' the right thing?

- Yes.

- You say that so quickly.

- 'Cause I mean it.

- Thank you.

- For?

Mm. - For loving me.

- Mm.

I love you too, baby.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Well, guess what?
- Hm?

- If we don't get this place
up and running real quick,

we gon' be loving each
other in the streets.

- Oof!
- Mm-hmm.

But you do like doing it
outside, though, so, you know?

- You know I'm a old
exhibitionist, honey.

- You so... you so nasty.

- But my knees can't handle the
concrete like they used to.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Ah.

- You can do this, baby. Right?

You can make this work.
It's gon' be a success, watch.

- From your lips...
to God's ears.

- A-a-amen. Oh, oh!

Come on, somebody! Ooh!

He coming on! Ooh!

{\an8} - ♪

{\an8}♪ No matter what you do,
I love you ♪

{\an8} ♪ No matter where you go

{\an8} ♪ I'm behind you for sure

{\an8}♪ Always remember,
Blood ain't ever water ♪

{\an8}♪ We'll make it if
we stay together ♪♪

- ♪

- Man, I didn't realize
this sofa was so nice.

Maybe I need to put plastic
on my stuff at home.

[sighs]

- VINNY: [chuckles]

Damn, boy, what you doin'?

- Cleaning up.

- Well, I can see that, but why?

- What do you mean, why?

- I mean, uh, why you
doin' it by yourself?

- Well, FYI, I like
the quiet time.

- [laughs] Boy, that's bullshit.

- What?
- Look at here, boy.

This is too much damn
work for one person.

- Oh, well, I'm glad you up.
You can help.

- sh*t!

My back hurt.

Why don't you get
them, ah... them, ah...

- My kids?
- VINNY: Yeah.

What, uh... yeah,
them little b*stards?

Get them up and
make them help you.

- Grandpa, It's 6 a.m.

- Man, what the hell that mean?

Boy, when I was them
kids' age a long time ago,

we did more before 6 a.m.
than most people did all day.

- Ain't that the
slogan for the Navy?

- Yeah, well, they... they...
They stole it from me.

b*stards.

- Alright, okay, fine.
I'll get 'em up.

- No, hold up.
I'll get their a*s up.

No, don't worry about it.
No, no, no, no...

- Hold... hold on.
Hold on, man. Hold on.

I want to talk to you.
- About what?

- Well, I did a little math.

- Oh, hell.
- What?

- Everybody know
your a*s can't count.

- Look, man. I did some math,

and I'm thinking
it's gonna cost about 40,000

to get this place fixed up.

- Bullshit!

Dollars? - Yeah.

- Well, you ain't
gonna get it from me.

- Man, what are
you talking about?

- Look, boy, we can do
all this work myself.

I can do everything
in here, man.

- You don't have no
contractor's license.

- Well, I don't need a
contractor's license.

I'm a rebel!

- Look, if you gonna
be in this business,

you need to get a license.

- I don't have a
driver's license,

been driving for 42 years.

All of a sudden
I need a license?

Man, I'm a rebel.
Power to the people.

- Okay, alright.
Well, the people have spoken,

and we gotta fix
this place the right way.

And the plumbing is a mess.

- Oh, oh, oh, I got
a problem with that.

We can solve that.
We can solve that problem.

Bucket, b*tches!

- [gulps]
- VINNY: [laughs]

- You know, you cannot
be serious, man.

- No, I'm very serious.
Here's how it works.

Y'all use it and them kids
get up and dump it out.

- That... that...

You know that's
disgusting, right?

I see, ah... I see
there's no talking to you.

- No, there's no talking to
them lazy-a*s kids of yours.

- Look, look, will you
just let my kids sleep?

- No, Imma wake their a*s up.

- But... hey, what are you doing?

- I'm fittin' pull... I'm... I'm
fittin' pull this fire alarm.

That'll get their a*s up.
- No, don't do that.

- No, no, no, too late!
Look! Look, look, look!

- Look, it don't even work.

- Well, I'll be damned.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, hey!
There's a fire! Fire!

And... and fire! Fire!

Hey, you b*tches!
Wake your a*s up!

Your old a*s wanna burn up?

- Look, Grandpa, if you're
trying to use your hands

as a megaphone...

you need two hands.

- Well, the sound go
on that side anyway.

- JEREMY: And... and either way,
that's electrical issues, man.

I plugged up the refrigerator
and the damn dishwasher came on.

- You got to do 'em
one at a time, son.

- And half the lights
ain't workin' in the room.

- Okay, problem solved.

Check it out, check
it out, check it out.

Look at here.

Candles. Ha, ha!

- Yo, you gotta be kidding me.
- No, boy.

Add a little ambiance
to the place.

Make this place sexy
for the seniors.

[chuckles]

- Uh, well, you know what?

That sound like
a hot mess to me.

- Yeah, it is.

Ain't nothin' like
some old hot sex.

[chuckles] - Stop it!

- It's sloppy, but it works.

- We are not using
candles for light.

- Boy, there you go.

Doin' every damn
thing by the book.

- We gotta get that fixed.

- Alright, but you must
have a lot of money.

- That's what I want
to talk to you about.

- What?
- We gon' need more money.

- Well, then, what we need to do

is sell some of this weed
in the backyard, boy.

- We are not selling drugs.

- Well, then how in the hell
we gonna raise 40 stacks?

Boom, boom, boom.

- Leah knows somebody
at the church...

- Oh hell no.
- What?

- No, I'm not going to
visit nobody at the church!

I ain't going in business with
no damn Christian!

- Well... you do realize that
me and my wife are Christians.

- You know what?
I have reached my quota.

- Will you stop it?

- Look, boy, let me
tell you something.

The last thing, the very last
thing you wanna do in life

is go into business
with a damn Christian.

- Will you stop it?

We do business with
Christians all the time.

- And I bet they mess
everything up, don't they?

- Not the ones I worked with.
They had great integrity.

- Well, the ones I worked
with had no integrity.

You must've been working with
the one who put the "Christ"

in "Christians."

- Okay, so what happened
with the ones you worked with?

- Okay, let me tell
you what happened.

I tell ya...

I... I called on the phone, right?

Said she could do everything.
Do it all.

She did it all. No problem.

"Can you?" "Yeah."
"Can you?" "Yeah."

"Can you?"
"Yeah, I can do that."

When she got over here, all
she could do was missionary.

- Man, what... what is
wrong with you, man?

You are nuts!
- VINNY: [chuckles]

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about
the hooker I hired.

- Hey, I'm done talking to you.

- No, no, no, no, wait.
She was a Christian.

- Okay, well, then, she needs
to check her walk with God,

'cause that don't sound right.

- You want me to call her?
She'll do a two-fer.

- Will you... will you stop it?

We gonna meet with the man
to see what he got to say.

He ran his own place,
so we gon' see how it go.

How bad could it be?

- Okay, I'll tell ya
how bad it can be.

All he gonna know how
to do is missionary.

- Hey, honey.
- LEAH: Hey.

- Uh, did you talk to him?
- I did.

- Okay, and what did he say?

- Uh, he said he
would be right up.

- Does he live near here?

- No, but he said he
didn't mind driving, so...

- Okay.
- Mm, uh... uh, who is this?

- Grandpa, I told you, I'm
having somebody from the church

come over here today.

- Oh, no, you can't have no
Christian come over here 'cause,

now... they gonna
wanna send me to hell.

You know what I would tell 'em?
You're damn right.

- Okay...
- What?

- Yeah, that's
what they wanna do.

As soon as they come
over here and they see me,

they say, "You goin' to hell."

- Grandpa, well, you are
sitting there in red

looking like the devil. - Mmm...

- You got a point there, son.

- Okay.
- No, I'm telling you.

Christians... - Hey!

- What?

- We're Christians,
Grandpa Vinny.

- VINNY: Well, you let
me tell you something.

You might be a Christian,
but his heathen a*s

ain't never been to church
in a long-a*s time.

- Oh.

- The last time
he been to church,

it was a strip club
called The Church.

- Grandpa...

- Holy Poly.

- Oh.

- Grandpa!
- What?

- I am a Christian.

- Yeah, well, let me say
something to you, son.

Christians don't go around
grabbing old men by the neck...

- [laughs]

-... cutting their hand off...

- Whoa.

- ...sewing it back
on, picking him up,

and throwing their
a*s over the couch!

Where do you see
that in the Bible?

- Why is he still
talking about this?

Look, man, that was
an accident, alright?

Stop! - You know what?

I should've let the
police take your a*s.

- JEREMY: Mm-hmm.

And I should've let them
take you for that weed.

- Mm!
- VINNY: Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey!
Boy, don't you say nothin'

about my plants in the backyard.

That is a gift from God.

- Uh...
- Okay.

- That's the only thing
that's keeping y'all alive.

- I'm just saying...

- And speaking of this,
what is this "Christian"...

gonna say about my plants?

- Baby... baby, did he just
do air quotes with a hook?

- Yeah, I think so. Mm-hmm.

- If he says anything about
my plants in the backyard,

his a*s is outta here.

- Look, you need the money.
- Hm.

- How do you know that?

- Do you have $40,000?

- sh*t, I ain't got $4.

- Exactly.

- Does he?
- Yes.

- How the hell you know that?

- Babe, he got $40,000?

- I don't know.
We didn't get that far.

- What do you mean,
[indistinct mumbling]?

- I was gonna let him come over
here and see this place first.

- You about to let a
Jesus joker come up in here

and you don't know
if he got the money?

- [grunts]

- I don't like this sh*t at all.

- And don't use that language
when he comes over here, okay?

- I can't make no damn promises.

I don't change who the
hell I am for nobody.

- Grandpa, well,
it's either that

or you come up with the money.
- Okay, he can come over here.

But if he says anything about
these plants, his a*s is...

- Hello!

- Oh, hell no!

- Why are you using such,
uh... such bad language?

- Not this clown!

- Okay, who are you
calling a clown?

And I don't know you.

- I'm calling you a clown.

- You don't call me... I
don't know you like that.

You don't call me no clown.
Who are you calling a clown?

Who... who are you?

- You don't remember me?

- Yes, I remember you.
You the devil.

He going to hell.
- What did I tell ya?

What did I tell ya?
See, what I tell ya?

"Going to hell," soon
as he came in here.

- I don't know you. Who are you?

- Just in case you
want to know, I am Vinny.

- Well, I am Leroy D. Brown.

The "D" is for "Don't care."

Is... is he supposed to
be famous or something?

- You the one that was
messing around with my wife.

- What are you talking about?
- Go ahead, tell her.

- Tell her what?
I don't know you.

I don't know her.
I don't know you,

I don't know you,
and I don't know you.

- It was you I walked in
on you, and you was kissing her.

- What?
- VINNY: Yes.

It was at the county fair.

Uh, it was in... it
was in Greenville.

And the year was 19... 40... no.



It was 1966!

- So you mean to tell
me at your old age,

you can remember
way back like that?

- Yes, I can.

- Grandpa, that was
over 50 years ago.

How do you even
remember that, huh?

- That's easy. I smoke weed.

- I told y'all he
on that narcotic.

He on that PPP.

- I don't want nothin' from you.

- And I don't want
nothin' from you!

- And I don't want
nothin' from you!

- And I didn't want
nothin' from you!

- She had on a red lace dress,
uh, uh, uh... and... and... and, uh,

you had on a... a yellow...
A yellow cowboy hat!

And... and you had on
some tight-a*s jeans.

Before you started
wearing that stuff there.

And you had on cowboy...
Them boots right there!

Them the boots!

Those are the boots!

- A yellow cowboy hat?

- Nuh-uh.

First of all, I ain't
got no yellow cowboy hat.

- Mmm.
- Uh-uh.

- And you had a belt buckle.

Yeah, you had a belt buckle
that said, uh, "Hug me, Jesus."

Um, "Ride me around
or something, Jesus."

Uh, take me to the...
"Drop kick me, Jesus"!

- That's my...

It was sharp!

I had it gold.

And I had cross on it,
and Jesus was like this...

Just like that, yeah.
- Oh, I bet that was nice.

- It was you!

- Wait.
- Yeah.

You remember now.

- Oh lord, heavens, uh...

- What? What? What?

- Are you talking
about, uh, Louie...

Luann? Louie? Lou... Lou...

- Louise.
- Louise?

- Yes.

Yeah, that's him. Imma k*ll him.

- Oh, no.

- Okay, man, look,
Imma tell you.

You got to let that go!

- I ain't got to
let a damn thing go.

- Okay, look!

That was over 50 years ago!

- And I said to myself, "Hey,
self, if you ever see him again,

kick his a*s!"

- And I said to myself...
And my self said, "Huh?"

I said, "You ain't
finna kick my...

beep!"

- I'm gonna kick your beep!

And your beep, too!

- Okay, I tell y'all what.
Y'all better get him,

'cause he ain't finna
kick none of mine.

- Ain't nobody gotta get me.

- Calm down.
- No, no, no, no.

I ain't even calmed up yet.

- Baby, would you please
get your grandfather!

- Get your grandfather!
- Grandpa! Grandpa, stop it!

- No, I want his a*s outta here.

- Mis-Mis-Mister Brown?
- Go on and get out of here.

He's a homewrecker.

- Well, fine!
- VINNY: Fine!

- Good!
- Good!

- Bye!
- Bye bye!

- Well, bye, bye, bye!

- What am I listening to?
An NSYNC concert or something?

- Well, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye!
- LEAH: Oh!

- Talk to the hook!
Poof, be gone!

- Well, you know what?

I'll leave as soon as
my daughter get here.

I done drove all the way down
here and I'm not leaving 'til

my daughter get here.

- Your daughter?
- Yes, my daughter.

- Your daughter?
- Yeah, my daughter.

- VINNY: Your daughter?
- Yeah, my daughter!

- You ain't gotta
wait for no damn body.

- Well, you know what?
- Get your a*s on out of here.

- Well, I'll get myself out of
here 'cause I've been kicked out

of better trash than this!
- [screams]

- [stutters] Mr. Brown,
please, okay? Don't go.

Please?

- He started with me.
- He started with me.

- Well, he started
with me first.

- Mr. Brown?

- That's alright.

That's... that's alright,
that's alright.

♪ That's alright - LEAH: Oh!

That's alright,

'cause that's the night
I got even with you anyway.

- What?

- Oh.
- What are you talking about?

- Ye-e-e-ah.

You remember that
big-old tall tree stripper

you was messin' around with?

About yay wide, yay tall?

Six-foot six all the way around.

- Ain't nobody
like that but Mabel.

- That's her name.

Mabel Molasses.

Molasses for a reason.

- LEAH: Oh.
- 'Cause she sticky.

- Eww.
- [gasps]

- That's right, I got even.

You kissed my girl
and I slept with yours.

That's right, I was spanking,
spanking, spanking...

- Hey, would y'all please stop?

Man, y'all sound like
two children.

- Well, he started with me.

And what night
you talkin' about?

- That's the night you remember.
You remember.

- Oh, lord, are you...

You talking about
the night... the prom?

Right after the prom, y'all...

- What are we talking about?

- You know what?
A few months later,

Madea came and
told me she was pregnant!

- Oh, hell no!

- And you look just like Cora!

- No, I don't!

- You know I can see you!
- No, you can't!

- Okay, by a show of hand,
who can see him?

- Oh, that's low. That's low.

♪