03x03 - Ding dong merrily on high

[bunniefuu]

Okay. Merry Christmas.

Should I wait till tomorrow
to open it?

-No, you have to open it now.
-Okay.

What? Is that you?

Wow! Is this a joke?
Have you published a cookbook?

I haven't published it yet.
It'll be out in the spring.

You're the first person to see it.

I sent an idea to the publishers,
and they said yes.

This is just amazing.

Hi. I should warn you that
you're on speaker with Madjid here.

-Do you miss us?
- Not for one second.

I'm going to celebrate Christmas
with Javier's family.

They have horses, so we'll ride
a lot. We're waiting for the train.

-He's the one with the tango class?
- That was Marcello. He was nuts.

Javier is on his way over here.

- Don't be too sad today.
-I won't. Bye. I love you.

-Te quiero.
-Te quiero.

Why should you be sad today?

It's the one-year anniversary
of my sister's death.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry. I didn't know.

Your brother-in-law drove the car,
right? Do you hate him?

It's impossible to hate Charlie.
He's suffered more than anyone.

What was she like?

She was the kind of person
who made you feel good.

And she was funny.
She always made me laugh.

I've always envied that.

People who make others feel good.

Or just humour. I wish I had
more of a sense of humour.

-You have a sense of humour.
-No.

-This is funny.
-That's not humour.

No.

SUCK IT UP

I especially want to thank
the external members

of the committee on
trauma-sensitive approaches:

Eron, Bjørnar, Kenneth, and Trond.
Thank you for coming...

-Syrup cookie?
-No, thank you.

...to our Christmas gathering.
I've read the report,

and I think it's very solid
and thorough.

And Pørni, thanks to you too.

We could only afford flowers
for the external members,

-but you deserve thanks.
-My pleasure.

Dear all, Merry Christmas,
and thank you for your hard work.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-How are you?
-No, I'm good.

What will your Christmas be like,
with the baby and everything?

It's going to be a weird Christmas.

May-Liss has the twins,

and the baby will be
with her mother and her father,

and that's Gerhard.

Really?

It's hard to talk about it.
I just keep thinking,

if we had known, things would have
been different for the two of us.

Not necessarily. I mean...

-I don't really know what to say.
-No.

There isn't a whole lot to say.
That's just the way it is.

-What about your Christmas?
-It's going to be weird, too.

Hanna is in Argentina,
and Sigrid is here, but...

-Are you ready?
-Yes. Yes.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Serina cookies? Cinnamon cookies?

-Were you aware of this?
-Bjørnar and Nina?

I've heard some gossip,
but I didn't want to make you sad.

I'm not sad, actually.

-Coconut macaroon?
-Yes, please. Great.

Kenneth.

You were right. Gerhard is
the father of Bjørnar's baby.

I know. I called Bjørnar
and told him what I'd seen.

I recommended a DNA test.

You called him
after we met them at Storo?

I can't just sit by
while things like this happen.

This might create an opening
for the two of you.

I think that's over and done with.

Thanks for the collaboration.
It was really great.

-What are you doing for Christmas?
-I'm taking time off. You?

It won't be a normal Christmas.

The kids are with their mothers,
so it's just me and Jeanette.

I'm making Christmas dinner.
Pork ribs and rice pudding.

I'm an awful cook,
so God knows how that'll go.

It's very romantic, though.

Surprise. Homemade candied almonds.

My eldest daughter made them,
so they should be good.

How nice. I have nothing for you,
so this is really embarrassing.

No, it's not. See you around.

Jeanette insists on dinner
after New Year's.

Merry Christmas. By the way,
can't I make rice pudding for you?

I make a great rice pudding.
It'll be my gift to you.

-If you insist.
-I do.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

Have you made sure
Anna will have an okay Christmas?

You asked me on Monday.
Relax. I've talked to her.

We'll bake for the City Mission,
and she's happy.

-Take some time off.
-Will do.

There's a present for you
on the shelf.

It's practical, in a way,

that she died on December 223
and not Christmas Eve,

so you don't have to come here
when there's so much to do.

Yeah, you're right.
I hadn't thought about it like that.

We won't have to come here tomorrow.

Are you pouting because I'm
celebrating Christmas with Dad?

You and I will celebrate tonight.

No, I'm not pouting.

We'll always have
Little Christmas Eve.

I've been invited
to a party on New Year's Eve.

-By a boy, Kasper.
-How fun.

-Do you like him, this Kasper?
-You haven't met him.

He plays for Lyn. The A team.

Don't you have to be 16
to play on the A team?

He's 18 and goes to Foss.

Are you nuts? You're not going
to a party with an 18-year-old.

I'm almost 13 and look older.

Right. He'll get
a paedo conviction

for just looking at you
before you're 16.

Who invites a 12-year-old to a party
when you're 18 yourself?

-Maybe I'll go anyway.
-No, you won't.

-Can I have a party, then?
-Yes, you can.

No more than ten people, and
everyone leaves after the fireworks.

Thanks.

Can we pop by the church? I think
the choir conductor is playing.

How can you hear that it's him?

He has an unusual playing style.

-Wait there. This won't take long.
-Can I invite two boys, too?

You can invite whoever you want to,
as long as they're your age.

Hello!

-Jesus Christ! You scared me.
-Sorry.

I heard you playing, but I thought
you were in Amsterdam with Geert.

No, I couldn't go.
Geert had to go alone because...

my sister is...

We couldn't go to my parents.
I can't take her anywhere.

There's no g*dd*mn place
I can take her.

I've always known what to do,
but now I don't know anything.

Rasmus, I think
you have to take it from the top.

That's your sister?

Has he been violent
towards you and Sophie?

No, not physically towards them,
but he has assaulted me.

He comes to the door and...

just takes Sophie with him.

They'll be gone
for a few hours or days.

He doesn't say how long or where.

Have you reported him?
Is his name Even?

I can't report him, because...
I just can't.

He would k*ll me,
or Sophie, or himself.

He has said so many times.

I can't stay at the apartment.
He was outside this morning.

He left when I came.

And you called the police?

We had called the police
when he had disappeared with Sophie.

They say they can't do anything
because he's her father,

unless we file a report. And...

I think we need
to take some measures,

both short-term and long-term,
if you think that's okay.

You should listen to her.
This is her job.

Sigrid?

Can you get home on your own?
I'll be there soon.

-We'll have time to celebrate.
-That's fine.

-Bye.
-Bye.

I'll send you money
for a Pepsi Max.

-Hi, Sophie.
-Hi.

I'm Pørni, and I'm going
to help you and your mom.

Mom has said
that nobody can help her.

That's not what I think.
So I'm going to try.

I get so scared
when Mom can't breathe.

Yes, I understand that.

-Should we go to her?
-Yes.

I'm just going to make a phone call.

This is Pernille Middelthon
from the Child Welfare Services.

What's your capacity like right now?

-I should stay here, too.
-You can't do that.

The address of the crisis centre
is hidden, so no one will find them.

They'll get advice and counselling
and whatever they need.

Where will you stay tonight?
At home, or with your father in Gol?

No, I'll stay in the city,
in case Ulrikke needs me.

-We'll go in here. It'll be fine.
-Okay.

They'll say the same thing here.

That she has to report it.
Maybe they'll convince her.

No, she won't do that.

Okay, but I'll have to write
a report, and I'll drive you home.

Ready, set, go! Yes!

Oh. Hi, Pørni.

Are you guys here?

Yeah. My oven broke, so we're baking
for the City Mission here.

-How are you, Anna?
-Good, actually.

We went by Grandma's house
to get some clothes.

She bought me
a Christmas present before she died.

-Isn't that sweet?
-Yes.

Did you ask Solveig
for permission to be here?

If there's one thing
I've learned from you,

it's that you don't always
have to ask for permission.

Go home. You're not on duty.

Yeah, I'll just write a report.

Hi.

Can I help you?

You know who I am, right?

No.

Guess.

Come on.

Smestad Primary School.
The big brother who made the report.

Two rounds in emergency shelters
and foster homes, 2005 and 2007.

-Permanently from 2009.
-OP.

-Huh?
-Ole Petter Villum!

-Hello.
-Hi!

-How are you?
-I'm f*cking great.

Really f*cking great.

I've been a hang-around
with Innosaints for a few years,

and I was accepted
as a prospect before Christmas.

So I'm really f*cking happy.

We tried the door, but your daughter
said you were at work,

so we've just been waiting.

I thought you were going
to beat me up.

We're doing the Christmas rounds.
Knotten? Bring the stuff.

Yeah. There's some
different stuff in here.

The olive oil is insane,

and the Manchego
has been aged for 36 months.

He didn't know
if you were a vegetarian,

so the Spanish hams
can be exchanged.

I hope you're not a vegetarian,
because it's really lovely.

-Especially with a San Miguel.
-Or a full-bodied Rioja.

This is so sweet, but I'm not
allowed to accept gifts like this.

Give me a break. It's been years
since I was your client.

I didn't write a card
because I still write poorly,

but you can have my card.
Give me a call if you need help.

Oh. I don't think I'll need
any torpedoes for a while.

Look at the card.
It's plumbing services.

I'm a plumber. Call me
if you need help with plumbing.

Sorry. That was judgemental of me.
I'm sorry.

We engage in "dialogue", too.
That's what we call it.

Knotten and me,
and Hibas, when needed.

Just don't call it torpedo work.
That makes him grumpy.

We're in the dialogue business.

Thorvald Stoltenberg
is OP's role model.

Dialogue. That's the preferred
approach, at least.

Give me a call if your pipes burst
or if you get into trouble.

Will do. This was just...

-And it's so nice to see you.
-You too.

Merry Christmas.

I didn't know
you ride bikes in the wintertime.

No, not usually,
but there's no frost,

so we're making
a Christmas exception.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

That olive oil
has a real kick to it.

Hi, darling.

Were you scared of the bikers?
I heard they were at the door.

No, they were really sweet.

-You haven't started watching?
-Of course not.

It's Little Christmas Eve.
We have to watch it together.

You've set the table.
It's almost like you're the grownup.

-I'm pretty grown up, Mum.
-Will you decorate the tree, too?

No, you'll do it
after I've fallen asleep,

so I see it when I wake up
on Christmas Eve.

Good. I need to have one child left.

You'll have to make a new one,
because I'm leaving the nest.

-Not for a few years.
-I mean it, Mum.

I'm checking if I can go
to high school in Copenhagen.

-I'm sick of Oslo.
-In what way?

It's too small for me.
Don't worry that Dad will say no.

I've talked to him, and he said no,
so I'll stay at a boarding school.

You can't decide that.
You're too young.

After age 12, children should have
a say in who they will stay with,

and I turn 13 on 21 January.

Yeah, and I'll be 46 on 21 January.

I'm sorry that the princess
and I were born on your birthday,

-but I need to be heard.
-Okay.

Should we watch the movie?

The only thing that bugs me is that
Laura Linney never sleeps with Karl.

You say that every year.
They can't change it now.

I know. It just bugs me.

Once Laura Linney sleeps
with Karl, you can move away.

Okay.

"Whenever I get gloomy
about the state of the world,

I think about the arrivals gate
at Heathrow Airport."

"General opinion's starting
to make out that we live in a world

full of hatred and greed,
but I don't see that."

"It seems to me
that love is everywhere."

One, two, three!

This is the worst thing I've done.

It's a fresh start on Christmas Eve.

Who wants
a fresh start on Christmas Eve?

-You guys, Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

-Can't you open my presents now?
-No! We can't open them now.

I'm getting so few presents.

I want to enjoy this
while my daughter is swimming

in gaming equipment
and stuff from Lyko.

I've done something different
this year. You're getting goats.

Goats?

Some women in Peru will get them,
and it's as if they're from you.

-This is the Christmas present?
-It's a really nice present.

It's not, though. It's not a nice...
What are you doing?

Is this penance for your affair?
Don't take it out on us.

I'm not having an affair. I'm not.

I'm texting with a guy who describes
naughty stuff in a literary way.

Even if it has literary qualities,
it's still an affair in my book.

Okay. I thought I could
discuss this with my friends

without getting chewed out.
Isn't that the point?

Or should they hold up a mirror
and say you've crossed a line?

Okay. I have to start
thinking about getting back.

Tuva! Don't go, Tuva!

-It's Christmas!
-Yes, it's Christmas.

And I'm going home to make
lactose-free cloudberry cream

to a husband who's not
interested in me as a woman.

-Tuva...
-No.

Sorry.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for the goat!

I'll give her a call.

Sometimes, people aren't interested
in your opinion, Pørni.

Sometimes,
people just want you to listen.

I have to get going too.

h*, h*, h*! Merry Christmas!

Hi. Are you here so early?
I thought we said four o'clock.

-We said ten.
-Okay. Come on in, then.

Hi. Come in, honey. Iben is asleep,
so just remove your shoes.

-Have a nice Christmas Eve.
-You too. Merry Christmas.

Here's Sigrid's present.

And from Sigrid to you,
your mother, and Iben.

I'm a little pressed for time.

I have to buy pork ribs
and make dinner.

How will I find time
to deliver this to my mum?

You haven't bought ribs?
You know it's Sunday?

That shouldn't be a problem.

Oslo has become so continental
that shops are open on Sundays.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

Not when Christmas Eve falls
on a Sunday,

you f*cking excuse for a man.

Hi, Tuva.

Please don't be mad at me.
I'm sorry.

I love you so much,
and I support you no matter what.

Okay? Please don't be mad at me.

Bye. Merry Christmas.

Hi. Here's the magical rice pudding.

Guaranteed Christmas spirit
for you and Jeanette.

Thank you so much.

Christmas is about


I don't usually cry.
I think it's because it's Christmas.

It's trendy to take naughty pictures
of yourself

and give them
as a present to your partner.

This morning, I got that.

Call me old-fashioned, but the idea
that someone took those photos...

-There had to be something more.
-Are you sure? How do you know?

I'm in good contact
with my female intuition.

But the sad part is
that I got upset, we argued,

and I called the photographer,
who broke down

and admitted everything.

Do you know
what his explanation was?

He slid into her.

In what way?

There was so much baby oil
that he slid into her.

-Is that possible?
-No, of course not!

No matter
how much baby oil you have,

you can't slide in on accident!

Jeanette had the same explanation.

He had cans of it lying around.

I don't follow you.
What did he have lying around?

He had jerry cans of baby oil.
Twenty-litre cans.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't laugh. Sorry.

Sure, feel free. It's not every day
you hear something like that.

Unless you're in the crime squad.

Oh, dear.

That's the worst thing I've heard!
Jesus Christ!

Jerry cans of baby oil? No!

Oh my God. Is there
enough food for the two of us?

I don't know what I was thinking.

I ordered the lamb ribs
a long time ago,

before I knew it would just be us,
and I forgot to change the order.

Did you have time to call Emily
and wish her a Merry Christmas?

No, I don't really feel like it.
You know that...

I paid for the Thailand trip.

-Oh?
-I did.

I bought a ticket for myself, too,
but Emily suddenly decided

that only they would go.

Just the nuclear family, without me.

So that's what happened?

Yeah, no.

Maybe I wasn't that attentive
to her when she was growing up.

I don't know.

Not excessively, anyway.
But we had an au pair.

Everyone in France had au pairs,
so she didn't exactly suffer.

Now I'm paying her attention,
but she doesn't want it.

I thought if I paid for
a one-month holiday in Thailand,

we could be together there,
but no. No, no.

-Elisabeth, this is really sad.
-Nah.

I feel more sorry
for that friend of yours.

Yeah. Maybe we should invite him.
We have lots of food.

Go ahead and invite him, then.

I'm sorry. It's Sigrid.
I have to take this.

Hi, honey!
Are the pork ribs in the oven?

Did you know that 50% of Norwegians
eat pizza on Christmas Eve?

Is that what Dad was able to find
on Christmas Eve? Pizza?

-Jesus Christ!
-Invite them, too.

Not everyone is as obsessed
with lamb ribs as you.

Sigrid, can you let me talk to Dad?

-Are you sure?
-Yes. The more strays, the merrier.

I just have to put on my wig.

-Hi, Pørni.
-Hi, Finn!

-Is there room for these under here?
-Honey, go help Elisabeth.

It's amazing that everything
is still closed in Oslo on Sundays.

Should we let Sigrid open
one present before dinner?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hi. Merry Christmas. Come on in.

You're so sweet.
Nice of you to come.

You shouldn't be alone
on Christmas Eve.

Say hi to my aunt, Elisabeth.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Are you the guy with
that unfortunate baby-oil story?

No, no, no. This is Rasmus.
Let me take your coat.

The Sølvguttene choir
will be on TV soon.

I can't live
without Sølvguttene on TV,

but I can't figure out the sound.

No Christmas without Sølvguttene.

Where are the napkins?

It's so nice of you
to unwrap the presents for me.

I'm excited.

From Tuva: I overreacted.
No worries! Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Oh, wow! Thank you!
They're so nice.

You're nice.

-I'm Kenneth.
-Elisabeth.

-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.

Yes. Merry Christmas.

-Hi. Rasmus. Merry Christmas.
-Kenneth. Merry Christmas.

-Hi. Finn.
-Kenneth. Nice to meet you.

-Hanna wants to say Merry Christmas.
-Hanna! Hi! Sweetheart!

Hi, sweetheart!

Why are you letting Sigrid
have a New Year's party?

You didn't let me
have parties till I was 16.

The alternative was to let her go
to a party with 18-year-olds,

so I didn't have much of a choice.

That's the oldest trick
in the book, Mum.

I used to ask you
if I could drink wine,

and you went ballistic
and blew up and yelled no.

Then I could ask for Ben & Jerry's,
which was what I really wanted.

Right? Sigrid doesn't even know
any 18-year-olds.

I have to go back to that psycho.

-No, don't...
-Adiós.

Don't go!

Oh, you!

You have to help each other. There.

-Does anyone want lingonberry jam?
-Oh, yes!

Sigrid, can you see
who's at the door?

Some potatoes, Iben?

h*, h*, h*!

-Hi! Merry Christmas!
-Merry Christmas!

How nice! Are you coming here?

-Did you enjoy handing out cookies?
-Yes.

Merry Christmas.

It wouldn't k*ll anyone
to have pizza on Christmas Eve.

Absolutely not. But I prefer ribs.

Does anyone have room left
for a little rice pudding?

-It's insanely good.
-I believe you.

-Hi, sweetheart!
-Hi, Dad.

-How are you doing?
-We're having a great time.

I'm getting the royal treatment.
Almost as good as at your place.

Stephen's family went skiing,
but I got a ride on a dog sled.

That's great.
I'm serving the rice pudding.

Save some for me. I miss it.
And say hi to Elisabeth.

-We're actually a whole g*ng here.
- That's great!

I hope it's better than you feared.

-Merry Christmas. Bye.
-Merry Christmas, sweetheart!

Are you ready
for my special rice pudding?

-What's going on?
-He's taken Sophie.

His f*cking lawyer mother
found the crisis centre,

and he threatened them
to leave the centre.

He's taken Sophie.

TO BE CONTINUED...