03x06 - Happy birthday to me

[bunniefuu]

I'm not saying
that fishnet stockings aren't nice.

You just shouldn't wear them
to a funeral.

-I think it's cool.
-Of course it's cool.

Can we talk about my birthday?

-I've made a list.
-Of course.

Hanna, did you really think
our wreath was too small?

Yeah, far too small.

You shouldn't think about
saving money when people die.

-Hi!
-Hey!

-Are you all right?
-Yeah. We're planning my birthday.

Hi. Our birthday,
and the crown princess's.

-You found the keys? Good.
-Yeah.

-How was the funeral?
-Very sad, and nice, in a way.

-It's good you came.
-Sorry for your loss.

-Oh!
-Hello!

-Cool sunglasses.
-Thanks.

I bought them on the street
in Buenos Aires before I left.

The street vendor was shot
in the eye right after

because there was a huge protest
against the government.

-Shot in the eye?
-The police are really brutal.

-But at least he made a sale.
-Wow.

-How long are you staying?
-I'm leaving on Monday morning.

Our concert is on Sunday.

This is what I want.

One: all my classmates here at home.

Two: a chocolate fountain.
Three: Indian food.

Four: Jonis Josef doing stand-up.

Five: Leo's band playing music.

Six: you're anywhere but here.
Yes, you.

Seven: goodie bags for everyone
with Fenty make-up for the girls.

Eight: a bar serving drinks.

Tom Collins, Phil Collins,
Joan Collins. With a real bartender.

Nine: tropical disco theme.

We can drop the chocolate fountain
if it will blow the budget.

That's not what I reacted to.

Okay. I don't need all of it,
but can you at least stay away?

It's my birthday too.
I was going to stay upstairs

with some girlfriends
and drink wine.

Okay, so Tom Collins
and the bar are okay?

Of course not. You're 13.
Don't forget New Year's Eve.

Everything else can be discussed,
as long as you're not here.

Can't you go to a restaurant?

I can ask the guys
if they want to play.

Come on, Mum. You can leave
the house just this once.

I'll chaperone. I could use
a nice distraction after today.

-Okay, I can stay away.
-Great!

SUCK IT UP

I just wanted to see you to
apologise for that thing with Nina.

There's no need to apologise.
You can date whomever you want.

We're not dating anymore.

But I should have told you about it.

May-Liss thinks
I can't stand to be alone.

I actually think she's right.

And...

I've decided to move to Trondheim.

-So you're doing that?
-Yeah, I think I have to.

May-Liss won't budge, and I need
to live close to the twins.

Of course you do.

It's a shame that Oslo will lose
its best municipal attorney.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Apparently, they need municipal
attorneys in Trondheim too.

Of course they do.

And what about Therese?

It sorted itself out. Sort of.

I have to get going
so I have time for that meeting

before I check in on Emma.

Right. Pernille...

You know that there are flights
to Trondheim?

-And from Trondheim to Oslo...
-Hey...

There was a train at the station
for quite a long time,

but that train has now
left the station. Okay?

Good luck.

No, wait!

There are no Pørnis in Trondheim.

I can promise you that there are.

There are thousands
of divorced single mothers

working for the municipality
in Trondheim.

And if anyone can
track them down, it's you.

Goodbye.

-Hi, sweetheart.
-Hi.

-How are you doing?
-We're okay.

Dad mostly stays in bed,
and I'm working on my term paper.

This is Madjid.

One of my colleagues.
He's a great cook.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I made a börek, so you don't have
to think about cooking.

-Thank you.
-And some fish soup.

-Would you like to come in?
-No, we have to go to work.

But come visit us as often
as you like before you go to Bergen.

-And say hi to your dad.
-Okay. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Where to now?
Chlorine in the baby porridge

or the forced showering?

Forced showering at 12:30.
The chlorine is tomorrow.

And I got into the choir.
Thanks for asking.

I auditioned the other day.

So you're stuck with me
in your spare time, too.

No, really?

Seriously.

How could Rasmus put
your colleague in the bass line?

Have you heard him
sing "Kyrie Eleison"?

I have, and it's really strange.

Rasmus is so focused
on everyone singing on key.

-Is this your doing, Pørni?
-He owes me a favour.

And Madjid needs
to get out and meet new people.

And so do I. I'm going to
a salsa mambo class with Kenneth.

-Really?
-Good place to meet people.

Do you need a class for that?
Can't you do some salsa at home?

It's not like that. It was a gift
from his daughter for Christmas.

And he couldn't go with Jeanette
after the jerry cans and everything.

But it's not like that.
He's heartbroken.

Sure, but broken hearts mend.

And I saw your kiss
on New Year's Eve.

Let's not talk about New Year's.

He was in shock
on New Year's Eve.

He's not interested in me.

I listened to a podcast
where they said

that 77% of all men
prefer women with breast implants.

-77%.
-So many?

Not Kjetil.
He prefers them natural.

That's what he tells you
because he's an all right guy,

but in the poll,
he would have said implants.



Would you like to go out
on Saturday? It's my birthday.

You know what? I can't.
I'm going with Kjetil to Hafjell.

What about you, Tuva?
Sigrid is throwing me out

because she's having a party.

I'm going on a couples trip too.
The same trip.

Lars and I are going
with Astrid and Kjetil to Hafjell.

We thought it wouldn't be
any fun for you.

-Hey!
-Oh! Leo!

It's so good to see you.
You're staying for a while?

Yes, we got time off
because of the concert.

How are you doing?

We're enjoying ourselves.

A teenager asking me
how I'm doing? sh**t me now!

Now you look like Anne.
When you did that with your face.

Should we get going, Leo?

-Yeah.
-Where are you going?

We're meeting Sigrid and Lara

at Storo to buy
tropical disco decorations.

And we're going to Leo's band
practice, so she can pick out songs.

Come here. I need a hug.

You're so nice to your sister.
Thank you.

It's nice to be of help.

We have to get going now.
I'll call you tomorrow, Tuva.

Yeah, do that.

She's going to call you? Why?

She wants Amnesty to look
at women's rights in Argentina.

I'm sorry. Hanna?

Don't look so surprised.

Your daughter has matured a lot
from that trip.

There are limits for how much
you can mature on such a short trip.

And she's going back soon.
But it was nice of her to come.



Okay, maybe Kjetil is
among the 33%. I don't know.

-23.
-23. Right.

We can figure it out
at Hafjell this weekend.

-Cheers.
-Okay. Cheers.

-Hi, Elisabeth.
-I just wanted to thank you

for inviting me to
the family celebration on Sunday.

What does Sigrid want
for her birthday?

She wants money,
but don't give her that.

You can give her Fenty make-up.

I've never heard about that.
But I'll figure it out.

I'm going to call Emily today.

That's great.
You swallowed your pride?

Yeah, I can't keep...
Oh, God, I'm next in line!

-Bye!
-Okay. Bye.

Okay. Ten minutes to eat
before the twin case at half past.

What are you doing on Saturday?

I'm going to my parents to celebrate
Ingrid Alexandra's birthday.

-Oh?
-They're obsessed with the royals.

Why? Did you want me
to take a shift for you?

No, no. I just...

I was just making small-talk.

-Did they have chicken?
-Yeah.

Let's go. And...

And hip, hip, hip.

Hip, hip, hip.

Keep going.
Keep the timing. One...

One.

Let's go. Here. Go here.

Six, seven. And one.

Let me see. Go hips. More hips.

More hips. Everybody. That's good.

Give me some shoulders.

Yeah. Very good.
Very good, everybody.

Five, six, seven, and...

Five, six, seven, and one, two..

I wouldn't have gone to this alone,
not even for a billion kroner.

-But it's fun.
-Yes, absolutely.

You must have limes in your butt if
this music doesn't make you happy.

-People should dance more.
-Absolutely. A lot more.

-Hips.
-Next time, bring character shoes.

No sneakers
in my salsa mambo class.

Okay. Sorry.

I can't wear high heels,
you know, after my knee trouble.

I prefer sneakers on people.

You want to have dinner at my place
on Saturday? In sneakers?

On Saturday? That's my birthday.

Is that a rejection?
Rejection? Rejection?

No, not really. I mean,
the timing is pretty great.

Sigrid's having a party of her own,
and she's kicked me out.

-I'd love to.
-There might be mambo salsa.

Just so you're warned.

Consider me warned.

-Side step.
-Side step.

Side step.

Are you doing the dishes?
Wasn't Hanna going to do that?

I'll do it. She's tired after
everything, and she's jet-lagged.

-She's tired?
-Yeah.

-What about you?
-I actually feel relieved right now.

And I'm going back
to Bergen tomorrow.

So soon? They'll understand it
if you want to stay longer.

No, I don't want to.
I can't stay with my dad.

He's acting so weird.
He sets the table for three

and forgets things I've said.

He's completely out of it.

Pørni can probably
look after your dad.

I can check in on him.

-Are you all right?
-Yeah.

-Do you want me to do the dishes?
-No, it's good to keep busy.

-Hey, Emma is doing the dishes.
-That's great.

That's great?
She's just lost her mum,

and you're letting her
do your chores.

Have you heard the expression "idle
hands are the devil's playthings"?

Yeah, I've heard that.

I had a revelation
when I was mugged in La Boca.

-What did you say? You were mugged?
-Yeah, all the time.

But this was at El Superclásico
between La Boca and River Plate.

A football match.
It's completely crazy.

Lots of fights and soldiers
and the whole shebang.

This time, I got a little scared
because the mugger had a knife.

I wanted to lie down and cry,
but there was an 11-year-old there,

and I had to help him find his mum,
which took two hours,

and then I had sort of forgotten
the whole mugging.

What does this have to do with Emma?

I don't think it helps to wrap her
in a blanket and make her tea.

She needs distractions,
so I told her to do the dishes.

It's been great to have you home.
Thank you for that.

You're welcome.

Emma is leaving for Bergen tomorrow,

and you should also
think about leaving,

so you won't miss too many classes.

Right. Those classes
are a little hasta luego.

The teacher rarely shows up,
so I'm not sure what to do.

And I sent in some applications
before Christmas.

For what?

Some study programmes.
And unemployment benefits.

-sh**t me now.
-Hi!

-Amund is into me!
-Okay.

He told Theo,
who snapped it to Lara,

who screened the snap,
and Theo saw it.

So he's told Amund
that I know he's into me.

I can't go to school for a week.

-Relax. Aren't you into Amund?
-No.

He supports Man U.

But he's kind of cute, so okay,

I've been into Amund
since third grade,

and I told him at camp,

but he had just made out
with a fake bimbo from Løren,

so it got really awkward.

After that, I've been a l*sbian,
and I've barely talked to him.

In addition, I've invited him
to my birthday party.

Slow down. This is good.

Amund is into you.
Who cares what team he supports?

If I'm not up by 7:00 tomorrow,
it's because I got drunk.

That's not funny.
Don't joke about that.

Relax, Mum. She's joking.

Kids that age
have a poor sense of humour.

She won't drink for a while
after New Year's Eve.

Hanna, maybe you should
go to the gynaecologist

before you go back to Argentina?

Huh?

Just to take some tests.
You've been around a bit down there.

"Been around"?

You've had various partners.

Pablo, Alejandro,
Emanuel, Christiano...

Do you think I've skanked my way
through all of Argentina?

I'm not judging you.
It's good that you're meeting guys.

Mum, I've never slept with anyone.

-Okay.
-I haven't.

It has never felt right.

Jan Fuentes?

I was going to sleep with him,
but he broke up with me first.

-He fingered me, of course, but...
-Great.

I don't need the details. Great.

You're supposed to be
so free and open,

but fingering is too much for you.

Sure, I can hear about fingering.

Weren't you supposed to help Emma?

She thought I slept
with all of those guys!

How many guys
did I meet in Argentina?

Around 16?
What do you take me for?

I don't know
how things are nowadays.

When I was interrailing, we slept
with guys because we pitied them...

Stop oversharing!

Didn't you just say
that I wasn't open and free enough?

It doesn't go both ways.

I'm supposed to tell you everything,

but you can't tell me
about your sick past.

-It's traumatising. You're my mum.
-Okay. Sorry.

-I'm picturing it.
-I'm sorry.

One, two, three. Five, six, seven.
Everybody. Forward and back.

And basics. That's it. Good.

Hips, hips, hips.

Don't forget the hips.

Hips. Rips.

That's really good.
Keep going. Keep the basics.

One, two, three. Five, six, seven.
And one, two, three..

-sh*t!
-Hey, what did I say?

-No phones in my class.
-Sorry.

I have to take this.

Crazy turn! Ready!

-Hi, Emma!
-Hi, Pørni.

How are you doing?
Are you back in Bergen?

Pørni? Pørni, it's Dad.

The neighbour
in the red house called. He's...

Hi there.

I can't take it anymore.

-I can't...
-You can't sit here.

Let's go inside.

You can find
a solution with the bank.

They understand it's been difficult
because your wife's been sick.

I should have died, so Emma
would get the life insurance.

Stop talking nonsense.

That wouldn't have helped anyone.
Tomorrow, we'll talk to the bank.

And Eron is on the way.
He's a psychiatrist.

The two of you will decide if
you should go to a mental hospital.

There's no shame in that.

You're not without options.

I can't look Emma in the eyes.

You've taken care of your wife
for four years.

Everybody understands that
it must've sucked ba*ls.

I'll help you
with the practical stuff.

What sort of credit cards
do you have?

You're good at handling crisis
situations. Thanks for coming.

I'm better at handling crisis
situations than I am at mambo salsa.

See you on your
and Ingrid Alexandra's birthday.

-Okay.
-Bye.

-Okay.
-Be very quiet.

-Go in.
-Yeah, yeah.

One, two, three.

Hooray for you on your birthday

We want to congratulate you

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

-Happy birthday!
-Happy birthday!

You're a teenager!

Thank you. Did you get it for free,
since Charlie works with Kari Traa?

No, I got 50% off.

I'm 16,
so I don't have unlimited means.

-I didn't mean it like that.
-I didn't get a discount.

Supporter gear is really expensive.
It goes together with Mum's present.

Hold on. You have to open it.

Read it out loud.

"My beloved daughter.
Happy 13th birthday.

To me, you are just as much
a princess as Ingrid Alexandra.

And congratulations with going to
Anfield to see our team in a month.

I've got time off that weekend.
Devoted squeals from Mum."

-Seriously?
-Yes.

Thank you!

-You're not joking?
-No. Happy birthday.

Really? Thank you!
Mum, can I bring Dad?

-To Anfield?
-Yeah.

Well, he's not into football.

If I'm moving to Denmark,
he should learn to know me better.

If it's a mother-daughter trip,
you should have made that clearer.

It's your present. Of course
you can take Dad to Anfield.

I can go another time.

I have a present for you.

-For me?
-Yes!

You're so sweet.

Cool! Wolly socks!
My favourite. My absolute favourite.

Thank you. You're so kind.

Should we have breakfast?

No, we've got to prepare
for Sigrid's birthday,

and Leo's got band practice.

So you have to stay away until nine.

-From now? The whole day?
-Yeah.

It's your birthday.
Do something nice.

Right.

-Hi.
-Hi! Is that you, sweetheart?

Would you and Stephen
like to join me for lunch?

Happy birthday, Pørni.

Hi! Are you here too? Do you want
to join me for a birthday lunch?

Elisabeth and I are in the middle
of a lecture with André Hødnebø.

Should we continue?

I wanted to get into
the crypto market.

Together with Ole Johan.

But we need to learn more
about the market.

About bitcoin and things like that.

Hødnebø only had time
this weekend, so...

Okay. I won't disturb you.

We'll see you at the family
celebration tomorrow, right?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

And I've bought
a PlayStation 5 for Sigrid.

-Okay. Bye, Dad.
-Yeah.

Happy birthday, Ingrid Alexandra.

And to me.

Hip, hip, hooray!

No!

You're joking!

You said you're going to Anfield,
and he's your favourite player.

Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

But I'm not going to Anfield.
Sigrid's going with her dad.

I was a bit too subtle
when I gave her the present.

You should never be subtle.

You have a lot of missed calls.
I'll get some champagne.

Why aren't you picking up?

Because you kicked me out.

Until nine. It's now quarter past,

and the kids are tearing
the place apart.

They've ruined
some of your vintage stuff.

I can't throw them out,
and Sigrid is drunk.

g*dd*mn it! I'm on my way!

The birthday girl has to choose.
Bubbles before mambo salsa, or...

Sorry. I have to go.
The party has gone to hell.

Hello? Sigrid?

Hello?

Surprise!

No!

Were you surprised?

Dear Mum.

Happy birthday.

You thought that nobody cared
about your birthday,

but that's not true, because
you have the best kids in the world.

We tricked you,
even though you're not turning 50.

One, I haven't had a party,
so you owe me one.

But I did bring Amund.

And two, of course you and I
are going to Anfield next month.

-I'm not stupid.
-No, you're not.

And three, we love you,

and we think you're really cool.

And last, but not least,

I got into medical school.

That's amazing!

But I decided not to say
anything until today,

because I want to do something
that matters to other people,

like you do.

And now, Leo would like
to say a few words.

Happy birthday!

-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.

We never would've gone
on a couples trip without you.

Happy birthday.
You should have seen your face.

We really fooled you.

Take your coat off
and stay a while. There!

-Oh my God.
-No, that's mine.

This one's mine.

Go Mum!

-Did you know about this?
-Yeah. Sorry.

I brought a jerry can of baby oil.

For the hostess.

-Am I too late for salsa mambo?
-No.

We're not there yet. Sorry. Come in.

Come on in.

Oh la la!

I'll call back
as soon as possible. Bye!

Hi. Guess where I am?

Sigrid and I are in Liverpool.

We're going to Anfield,
like you and I always talked about.

I take back what I said
about not calling you anymore.

I know people think it's silly,
but it works for me,

so I'll keep doing it.

-Mum!
-Okay. You'll hear from me soon.

It's a good thing I forgot
to cancel the phone plan.

Goodbye. You'll never walk alone.

Mum? The train to Liverpool
is leaving now.

I'm coming.

Let's wait with the hats until
we're at Anfield. It's embarrassing.