01x09 - Strasbourg Across the Rhine

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

[in English]
Wow!

That place looks way
nicer than Brussels.

Why don't we come
here all the time?

After World w*r II,

people wouldn't have accepted
to have EU's capital in Germany.

Well, Strasbourg
is not in Germany.

Of course, it's not.

[laughing]

No, it's not.

Dude, why do you
have to discriminate me?

[indistinct chatter]

Excuse me, Miss? [chuckling]

-Hi.
-Sorry.

Taking a last look at the rules

of procedure
before the grand départ?

No. This is

Facebook's corporate values.

-Yeah.
-Really?

I have to study it
before I take off to California.

It's a lot of values
for a soulless organization.

Says the guy who works
for the European Union?

Yes. But we have cool flags.

And actual values.

"Likes per post ratio."

-What's that?
-I don't know.

The rest is just

a compendium
of Facebook's privacy policy.

Well, you can just go to the end

and click
"Accept terms and conditions"

-and don't read it.
-That would be nice.

But I have to read it.
I have to study it.

I'm going tomorrow.

Yeah.

It's a nice place.

-Yeah.
-It's really cool.

It's like Brussels,
but people are

better dressed
and more exciting.

Yeah.

It's like

being on a

school field trip.

You know? Same classmates,
anything's possible.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

And that's the mean
school monitor.

Eamon?

Oh-oh! [giggles]

[in French]

[jazz music]

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

[in English]
When in Rome,

do as the Germans.

-Exactly.
-That's not the idiom.

And Strasbourg
is not in Germany.

I found pretzels
at the cafeteria.

Whatever Google Maps
says, we are

in Germany.

-Period.
-No.

Alsatians make pretzels too.

Except that it's less greasy
and more refined

because we're French.

Anyway, do you know where

the tabling desk is?

Yeah.

Can you tell me?

You have to say it first.

-What?
-Just say it.

No. I'm not gonna say that.

The tabling desk closes

in three hours!

There's an Eastern fraction
of the building, a Western one

-a Southern fraction...
-Strasbourg is in Germany.

Can we go now?

You embarrass me, man.

Of course, you need
an ID to get in, Sharon.

It's Parliament.

It's still Parliament,
but it's in France.

Where is your ID?

Why were you there?

I don't want to know that.

I'm coming.

Stay where you are.

Stay where you are.
Don't move or I won't find you.

For God's sake.

Hi.

Um...

Can you keep an eye on that bag?
I've got a Sharon situation.

No.

Just for a second.

As I told your friend earlier,

I'm not the concierge
of this institution.

Of course, you're not.

But you also kind of are,

so can you do that for me?

Okay, great.
See you in a minute.

-You won't.
-Cheers.

[sighs]

When you walk over there,
to the right,

you see that blonde woman?

-Yeah.
-That's gonna be her.

Okay. Thanks, man.

-Cool.
-You're welcome.

All right.

Um...

What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just...

Congrats, man.

-The signatures, that's... big.
-Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean thanks to you.

Because posting that humiliating
video of me online

-kind of helped.
-Yeah.

You're welcome.

And...

-Don't drop them.
-I won't.

-Don't drop the signatures.
-Thanks.

[in French]

[giggling]

[exhales sharply]

[suspenseful music]

[in German]

[chuckles]

[giggles]

[in French]

[in German]

[retreating footsteps]

[indistinct chatter]

[in French]

[chuckles]

[in English]
What are you doing here?

I would have expected that
to be Torsten. What?

-[whispering] No, too close.
-What are you doing here?

-I'm not doing anything here.
-Okay.

Hello.

-What are you doing?
-Pretend to be on your phone.

Hi, oh, how are you?

-It's my bag.
-What bag?

The suspicious package.

[in French]

[in English]
Can you tell them it's your bag?

No, I can't tell them
it's my bag.

-Why?
-Because it's humiliating.

No, it's not.

[clears throat]

This is not my fault.

This is your friend
who's done this.

Torsten?

No, it's the mean...

-school monitor.
-Eamon?

Yes. He said he'd watch
the bag for me

-then he just left.
-Really?

Yeah.

That doesn't sound like him.
Did he say he would?

Did he say he would?

That's not the point.

Someone must take the blame.
It can't be me.

Because this is my last day.

Okay, don't worry.
I'm gonna take care of this.

-Okay?
-Yeah.

[in French]

[suspenseful music]

[in English]
Thank you.

Radek,

I can't see
Mr Specklin's finning amendment.

It was tabled this morning.

No, it hasn't.

I'm quite convinced it has.

I don't quite like your tone,
Brendan.

Eamon.

Name's still Eamon.

Look, Brendan.

Eamon.

I've a well-oiled
filing system...

Oh, dear.

Have you been drinking again?

Okay. It's not because
I'm Polish, I drink.

Have you been drinking today?

Yes.

No.

I said yes instead of no
because I'm a bit drunk...

Radek.

Having lost an amendment...

is gonna be a problem.

Oh, look.

Here it is. [scoffs]

With just 40 little signatures.

Here it is.

-The amendment on...
-Finning.

-Of course.
-By Michel Specklin.

That's right.

-Mr?
-Specklin.

S-P-E-C-K

L-I-N.

-Tabled.
-Thank you.

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[quirky music]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[gibbers]

[chuckles]

[in German]

[in English]
Hey.

Hi.

[inaudible dialogue]

You're watching a video
of Theresa May?

Yeah.

That's what I do
when I get anxious.

I watch Theresa May's
endless crucifixion and that

makes me feel a bit better.

Eamon won't take the b*llet,
I'm sorry.

Yeah, I suspected that.

What are you gonna do?

Are you gonna turn yourself in?

No. Absolutely no.
I can't do that.

It's fine. Everybody makes
mistakes. They'll understand.

Yes, sure.

But I'm British.

British people say sorry
all the time.

Yeah, but that's not
how it works.

We only say sorry when the other
person is meant to feel sorry.

We never mean any of it.

Why do you think
we're insisting on Brexiting?

It would be way too embarrassing

at this stage for us
to come out and say:

"Sorry, we should never have
asked the question.

"Let's forget about it."

I can't come out now
in front of everyone and say:

"Sorry, my knickers
have been blocking

the whole building
for four hours!"

It's okay.

[sighs]

Hey, relax.

It's never too late
to make the right decision.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[foreboding music]

Could you say it's your bag?

What?

Could you say it's your bag?

[playful music]

sh*t.

[water running]

[door opens and closes]

[in German]

[sighing]

[breathing heavily]

[yells]

[in English]
Love the EU, huh?

You know what?

f*ck the EU!

f*ck the EU and everyone in it.

[ominous music]

f*ck the French and their
grandiose ideas about Europe.

Insufferable b*stards.

Your country is a gigantic mess

and you are telling us
how we should run things?

[speaking in French]

f*ck the Brits

and their sense of entitlement
they carry everywhere they go.

You're not a global power.
Just a tiny island

with a massive drinking problem.

And two years down the line,
you're the only ones

who still think Brexit
is a good idea.

[laughing]

f*ck the Grand Duchy
of f*cking Luxembourg.

Tax haven without sunlight
or beaches.

No wonder only money
wants to live there.

f*ck the Italians

and their political experiments.

Fascists and...,
vaffanculo politics.

Always ten years ahead
on the next dumbest sh*t.

Just stick to undercooked pasta.

f*ck the Scandinavians.

Swedes, Danes, Finns... [laughs]
What's the f*cking difference?

"I do everything better than
you do." f*cking goody-goodies.

f*ck the Greeks.

Living above your means
with our money

and now you're crying
like babies

because we're asking you
to pay your taxes?

Give me a f*cking break!

f*ck us Germans

and the preaching tone.

Ruling the continent again
like we just can't help it.

Patronizing m*therf*ckers.

Praising the rules
by selling rigged diesel cars.

Don't get me started
on the Dutch,

they make the Germans look good.

f*ck the Eastern bloc.

Giving us the finger while we
shower your mid-sized towns

with European cash!

Constantly whining

because History
has been so unfair to you.

And now, you are spitting
on liberal democracy?

You've betrayed us.

Give us back our f*cking money!

[scoffs]

And Belgium.

Come on, I mean. You know...

You're not even a real country.

f*ck the citizens.

You don't deserve the effort

we put in to make
your lives better.

You know what?

If the EU makes no sense to you,
it's maybe because you are...

Life's complicated, Europe too.
So just grow the f*ck up!

And keep on voting for the most

entertaining buffoon
every five years.

Just look at them.

Populists pissing on Europe

while cashing
massive EU salaries.

Trashing everything
we do from the backseat.

You know what?

If you don't like it, just go
back to your f*cking country.

[speaking in foreign language]

f*ck the civil servants.

Smug faces

and their paternalistic tone.

You think you know better?

Well, maybe you do.

But you haven't been elected
by anyone, darling.

So, just shut the f*ck up

and do as you're told.

[in German]

[exhales sharply]

[toilet flushes]

[door opens]

[in French]

[phone rings]

[suspenseful music]

[suspensefu l music continues]

[sighs]

[beeps]

[sighing]

[clears throat]

[suspenseful music continues]