02x07 - Vox Pop

[bunniefuu]

Where did I put the file?
Unbelievable.

-Samy!
-Yes, Madam Deputy?

You haven't finished the report
on hospital privatization.

Here it is.

-It sucks.
-No!

-I'm very unhappy.
-I worked so hard.

To make up for it,
take me on my desk

Again, Madam Deputy?

Wait, wait, one minute.

Are you sure if I lock it
from the inside...?

Come back here.
You have some resolutions to review.

Yes, sorry. Excuse me.

What?

You have some very
heteronormative fantasies!

-I love it!
-Yeah.

Hello.

Good morning, Maurice.
How are you?

-You're screwing someone.
-What?

The question is who.

-Your little deputy?
-No!

I'll find out who you're screwing.

Before the plenary session,
I'm going to...

PARLIAMENT

TO OUR VETERANS

Yes.

I'm dropping him off
and then I'll be there.

Don't even talk to me!

He spent an hour getting dressed
this morning.

No!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

No...

No, he's driving me insane.

It's one thing after another.

And I'm doing it by myself.

Michel!

Michel!

Where's your speech?

-What speech?
-Yeah, what speech?

The folder

I gave you when we left your office.

-The folder...
-Oh, yes.

Yeah, yeah, but... I think...

It's...

I forgot it in the bathroom
when I went to pee.

Luckily, I always bring a copy.

Which speech is it today?

Which speech is it?

Europe and w*r remembrances.

Oh no, not that one!
The w*r... It's sad!

And it ruins my appetite.

That's what happens.
It's just w*r, w*r!

Why not the one...

on Europe and its youth.

No, you gave that one
twice last week.

Michel!

Here.

-And no taking initiative.
-OK.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I was with the president.

Someone has to carry the cross.

EUROPE AND w*r REMEMBRANCES

So...

Yes...

The w*r...

The w*r...

It's really... stupid.

Especially when it happens
between us,

between Europeans.

We could do it together...
against others.

Yeah. Like soccer.

It's the same

with every World Cup.

We eliminate each other,

and in the end, Brazil wins.

If we had one European team,

we would win every time.

We would put

the French and Spanish on the attack,

the Dutch on the wings,

and maybe the Italians,
but not on the field right away.

After all,

that's the coach's business.

I won't interfere!

-Mr. President.
-Yes.

Is Parliament really

proposing to form
a European soccer team?

Uh...

Absolutely.

It's about common sense.

To me, anyway!

Thank you.

The minister from Luxembourg is here.

If we had

one European team,

we would win every time.

What's the minister saying?

-Have you been drinking?
-This is getting serious.

Well, it is the future of the oceans.

A Secretary of State for biodiversity
or something like that.

Ah.

We can't get off the mat,

-but we're doing it.
-Yeah?

The Blue Deal has reached
the Elysee Palace.

And the minister says that
the Council's blocking it.

It's not just the Dutch.

If we can't get Poland to budge,
we're toast.

-Poland?
-Yeah.

Yeah, Poland.
They have coal factories,

people who speak in that

-grating way. Poland!
-Yes, Poland!

No, because Poland,
it's been handled.

We have nothing on them.
They don't have a fishing industry.

No, Valentine. Poland's handled.

-What?
-Poland. It's done.

-I handled it.
-OK.

OK, here's what we're going to do.

We just have to call the Poles
and promise them that

we're going to blow up
the pro-LGBT resolution

in exchange for them supporting
the Blue Deal.

I'll call Dragan and that's it.

That's terrorism.

-Really?
-In the best sense of the word.

Oh! I didn't know there was
a best sense.

Have you noticed that my chair
has been making a noise

since this morning?

-"Squeak-squeak".
-Uh... No.

OK, great, Samy.
I'll call the minister.

Yes, Mr. Minister.

Hello, it's Valentine Cantel.

I wanted to tell you that
the Poland situation's handled.

"Great. Perfect. Good job."

Thanks. Bye.

To think that

on the day the European Union
won the Nobel Prize,

we didn't even get to 1,500 tweets.

Yeah.

Yes! 995!





Eight!

-Yeah!
-Hundred thousand!

Hundred thousand!

No, potatoes.

Not potato salad.

Potatoes.

One second. I'll call you back.

What is it?

Uh... The speech. How did it go?

Yeah.

It was very moving.

Huh?

So... What message do you want

to send to the continent?

-Me?
-Yes, you.

Europeans want to hear from you.

-Yeah, right.
-You, Michel.

-Mr. President.
-That's good.

-So?
-So... Wait.

So...

Yeah.

HEY.

-Hello, Samy.
-One second.

Uh... OK.

Sit down.

BACK UP YOUR IPHONE

OK.

-What's up?
-Great, you?

Your LGBT resolution's getting
a lot of attention upstairs.

-Yeah?
-Yes.

It's really great.
It's an important fight.

But we're going to have to pull it.

-Excuse me?
-Yeah, before the committee vote.

-Pull it?
-Yeah.

I'm not sure what you mean.

You know,
French isn't my first language.

We're going to take it back.

k*ll it. Understand?

But it has nothing to do with you,
Dragan. You did a great job.

We're proud of you. Bravo.

-Who decided this?
-Well... Us.

It's complex. It involves
high-level negotiations...

It's a system...

It's complex.

But my deputy doesn't have to
succumb to pressure

from external groups.
He represents the people

-and he makes his own decisions.
-OK, fine. I know all that.

In Poland, 105 localities
have declared themselves LGBT-free.

Since 2019, hate crimes

against h*m* have doubled.

People associated with them
are systematically attacked.

-I know that.
-In Hungary, Samy,

the government wants to
criminalize the portrayal

of h*m* on television.

-NGOs are counting on us.
-Look.

We're supposed to let them down?

We let them die?

It's sad, but...

I don't see what this has to do
with my LGBT resolution.

We need Poland's votes

to get the Council
to cave at the trilogue, OK?

So, if you drop your resolution,
they support the Blue Deal.

And, to put it simply,
we save the oceans.

Politics is a hierarchy of battles.

What does that mean?

It's obvious. It means...

you have fights that are
more important than...

It's a hierarchy of battles.
Some battles are above...

-It's...
-Yeah, but Samy,

I don't think we have to choose
between saving the oceans

-and LGBT rights.
-Yes, we do.

It's... Yes, yes... Yeah.

You have to make a choice.

Politics is a hierarchy of battles.
OK?

You can find another bargaining chip.

Dragan, if you don't do this,

there's going to be trouble, OK?
You'll regret it.

-Meaning?
-Valentine knows

the Minister of European Affairs
very well.

-Hello.
-Hello.

-The French minister?
-Yes.

My deputy is Belgian.

-Would you like a menu?
-Yes.

-Here.
-Perfect.

I'm getting... the check. I didn't
get anything. I'm not hungry.

Thanks.

-You're not eating?
-I have to get back.

I'm really hungry.
I'll have the trout with sorrel,

please.

Yeah.

So, now the minister thinks

I'm a complete idiot.

You didn't make sure that Dragan
would k*ll the amendment.

I don't get what's going on with him.

He flipped!

It's just like in the movies,
when a cop

infiltrates a drug ring

and then ends up becoming a dealer.

Then, he can't separate
his real life from

his undercover role.

It causes him to question
his private life

and completely changes
his relationship to reality--

I got it, Samy. Thanks.

So, if Dragan refuses
to pull the amendment,

we'll have to pull him.

-k*ll him?
-Get him fired.

I'll call the Secretary General

of the group. It's going to cost me
some political capital,

but I don't have any other choice.
What do you think?

It's a bit extreme. He means well.

I can always offer him your job.

No, we'll pull him.

That'll be simpler.
It's the only solution.

Should I put it in front of me
or next to me?

Next to me? Clack!

Uh... Clap!

POLISH PLUMBER
FRENCH PLUMBER

French. More expensive but nicer.

BREXIT
BRONCHITIS

Bronchitis. It goes by faster

and it can be treated. Unlike our...

British friends.

HELMUT KOHL
BOOTY CALL

Booty call?

Is that... a Finn?

OCB
BCE

Joker!

RIHANNA
BEYONCE

I love it. Yeah, it's great.

Boom, bam, bim, bam.

BRUSSELS
STRASBOURG

Oh no! Don't force me to...

My parents-in-law live in Strasbourg.

So... Brussels.

I can see myself in the lens.
It's annoying.

In the... I hate that.

The capitals are extremely unhappy.

I had calls from Berlin and Paris
this afternoon.

Their heads of state are horrified

by having a representative
of European institutions

who is obsessed with the spotlight.

This was your job,

wasn't it, Martin?

It was, but it's Michel Specklin.

And?

He poses no threat to...

Martin, Martin, Martin.

In 1999,

Boris Yeltsin was at the end
of his tether,

so a group of powerful
Russian oligarchs got together

to decide the future
of the Federation.

They chose a bureaucrat

with a head like a turnip

and oversized suits.

That man was...

Was?

Vladimir Putin.

Vladimir Vladimirovitch Putin.

Since then, he has
modified the constitution

so that he can remain in power
until 2046

and constructed a palace
on the Black Sea

that looks as much like
a Playmobil castle

as Ceausescu's.

The states are the masters of Europe

and intend to remain so.

I have the impression you've become

a little too close to your subject.

Do you want us to find someone else
for you to take care of?

There is a post in Vilnius

that has just become available.

Yeah... OK.

Yeah... There.

USERNAME
PASSWORD

Enter! No!

Bertrand!

Bertrand!

I'm having a problem
with the Internet. I'm locked out.

Mr. President?

Did you see Bertrand?

I'm having a problem
with the Internet.

Bertrand has taken his leave.

No more Bertrand!

Bertrand's done!

"Done?"

Ah, you've met Gunter.

Your new chief of staff.

And Bertrand?

Bertrand was transferred
to Luxembourg.

He's in charge of security
for a parking lot at the Secretariat.

Really?

-In Luxembourg?
-Yeah.

But his family is here!

He'll see them on weekends.

-What about the password?
-Don't worry.

Your password problems are over.

Gunter! Computer!

-But...
-Let's go!

You have an unveiling in ten minutes.

-We have to hurry.
-Oh no!

I'm tired of repeating myself!

THE POLES ARE IN.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Your belt. Please.

There must be some mistake.
I work here.

I have an ID card. My name is Dragan.

I have a very important vote...

There's a protocol, sir.
I can't let you through.

Oh, one second.

Samy, perfect timing. Can you
come here for a second?

I'm having an issue with my ID.

Sir, step back, please.

Samy! I don't understand!

Samy! This was you?

Lydia! Can I talk to you
for a minute?

I have some bad news about
the LGBT resolution.

We had a problem.

You've got a lot of nerve coming here
after what you did!

Maurice?

You know who I got a call from

last night about firing that Serb?
Your missus,

who told me everything.

So, I had to explain it all
to your girlfriend.

I had no choice!

Lydia, can we talk for a second?

No!

Samy, between us,

your cynicism makes me sick.

I had no choice! The Blue Deal
is going to have a huge impact!

Don't you think you've done enough?

Can you leave us alone now?

No!

Lydia, I'm not like him.
We'll write other resolutions!

Lydia!