01x01 - Snusgate

[bunniefuu]

-The election is just around the corner.
-Yes, indeed.

How's it looking for the incumbent
government, the Democratic Coalition?

The polls published today were a downer.

BILL: Hi, boss, sorry,
but what's the address?

Everyone's wondering
if the Prime Minister will step down.

Sorry, found your e-mail, see you.

-He did say he wouldn't, right?
-Yes, but the rumors persist.

He's been in power for over a decade
and is turning 70 in May.

ELECTION CAMPAIGN

We, the New Conservatives,
and the entire opposition,

have long felt a change
is needed for our country.

What will be
the most important campaign issue?

It's too early to tell...

BAN ELECTRIC SCOOTERS NOW!

...and in the end, it's up to the voters.

They ought to lower
the petrol tax, I think.

Raise the pensions, I say.

You should be able to bring
your cat to the cinema.

It sucks that they're not allowed.

The issues abound,
but one thing is for sure,

a thrilling and fast-paced
election campaign awaits us.

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

The Secretary of Welfare giving
an award is not a big draw, it seems.

-Kind of like a sad children's party.
-It isn't all that bad.

So you only had two friends as a kid?

SPÅNGA MUNICIPALITY
FIGHT FOR WELLNESS 2022

-Okay, it looks pretty bad.
-Yes, it does.

And Roxanne is going to
react pretty badly.

Oh, right.

Maybe we should call her and cancel?

-What?
-Tell her there was a mix-up.

Yes, but this is her job,
it's democracy. Sorry.

I'll call her to prepare her instead.

You can do that,
but it might also be weird.

Okay, let's do this.

Roxanne, I hope you had a lovely morning.

-Did you see the study?
-The SCB poll? Sure, but--

Okay...

"The PM was voted most popular

"among ministers, followed by the Minister
for Health and Social Affairs."

Blah, blah, and then some columns here.

-And finally, there I am.
-What does it say?

-Et...
-Et al?

-I know that.
-The respondents are a bunch of trolls.

It might even be rigged.

-Russian bots or something.
-That's enough.

-Can I have a cereal bar?
-Sure.

You're a newly appointed minister.
You haven't had your time to shine.

You'll have a column of your own soon.

-Yeah, it might feel tough now--
-No, it's not that.

I whitened my teeth again yesterday,
and they were aching all night.

-The whitening agent is old, I think.
-I'm sure.

Could that be dangerous?

No, absolutely not. It's not dangerous.

-Looks good, doesn't it?
-Yeah, they're... white.

Both the upper and lower ones.

But, hey, you know, we have a pretty full
schedule today, so maybe we shouldn't...

...prioritize this event?

-Is the square empty again?
-The crowd is spare to half sparse.

But I'll take care of it.
I'll call them and say something came up.

You go to the office
and have a relaxing start.

-Yeah, let's do that today.
-Great! Bill can ride with you.

Then you sit up front.
And I choose the music.

Put on Blümchen. Always Blümchen.

-Nice choice.
-Hey, Lisa?

-Yeah?
-Take this.

-Sure.
-I can't eat it. My tooth aches too much.

-Amin?
-Sure.

Okay, see you at the office. Bye.

-Yes, this is Daniel.
-Hi, this is Lisa Langås,

-press secretary to the Welfare Minister.
-Right. Hi.

-Are you on your way?
-See, she would've liked to be there--

-What's that sound?
-What was that?

-Are you here?
-No, we're at a car dealership,

talking about... f*ck... different unions,

that's different unions
for various automotive industries.

So it's a bit noisy. The Minister
sends her regards. Take care, bye!

So what does
the Ministry of Welfare actually do?

Like the Ministry of Foreign Affairs deals
with foreign aid, diplomacy, and export,

we deal with issues concerning welfare.

And...

Right there, welfare.

After the last election, the government
decided this is important to people.

So with the help of some magic
and penial debates...

I said penal, nothing else.

-Oh, hey, Pingis.
-Hi.

-So my card isn't working again.
-It's an ongoing technical disruption.

Could you call someone and fix it
so I can get in?

-Yes. I did.
-Really?

Check it out.
Our new coffee maker arrived.

-Wow, great, and it only took...
-Eight months.

-Yeah, hi.
-And the manual seems to be in Cantonese.

-Isn't she great?
-Sure is,

but will you call again about this,
so I can get in?

-Sure.
-Perfect. And, Berivan... Mood check.

-Seven and a half?
-Okay, great.

Hi! My, that's a practical solution!

Smart, right? No pain at all.

-Exactly.
-I feel a bit like some overgrown baby.

Only babies don't drink coffee.

Saga, anything new on social media?

Sure, something about people using
boiling sugar on their face as a peel.

What? Does that really work?

News relating to our work, I mean.
The political situation, you know?

Exactly. What's the political
situation like? Is it up or is it... down?

I should say it's a bit more down, right?

It depends on how you look at it.

We ought to make a splash
to get the voter's attention.

We could organize a fundraising gala.

You know, a Live A*DS concert,
like they do in the US. It's common.

I think it's "Live Aid"...

And it's an election year,
and public opinion is likely to shift--

No, look! Now he's on TV as well.
Mr. Big Column.

-Exactly.
-He does have that Big Column energy.

-I'll check what his wife looks like.
-Like a graph, probably.

Well, I certainly did my part
for the next generation.

Nice, Janne. So we'll count on
25 new votes in a few years.

Wow, they really grilled me.
Questions about all kinds of things...

My heart rate was...

...164, that can't be right.

You know it's not enough just to
wear that thing? You have to work out too.

I'm getting there!

Yes, Pingis? Yes, I saw it arrived.

Kaminsky called for me? All right.

Okay, you can... Put him through.

What? He's here? Right now?

Yes, he is.
And looking downright handsome too.

Okay. Everybody leave the room! Right now!

-I need to take this meeting alone.
-Who's Kaminsky?

-Not you, Lisa!
-All right.

-I said "alone," not "helpless."
-Right, of course.

-Okay, well...
-Stay.

Let's hope he's not shutting us down.

Who's this geezer
that makes everyone so jumpy?

He's the geezer of geezers.

That really clarifies stuff.

Kaminsky's the Party's election manager.

When he's involved, something big
is in the works. Remember 2018?

The Foreign Minister got nabbed in customs
with ill*gal r*fles and a stuffed monkey?

-No.
-Exactly.

-Kaminsky's doing.
-Quiet. He's here.

-You seem to have settled in nicely.
-Yes, we're happy here.

So, what's on your mind?

I'm sure your hands are filled
with... election stuff.

The Party wants Roxanne
as a driving force for the election

and a mainstay for
the whole campaign. Interested?

-Excuse me?
-The Party wants...

Yes, I heard. I just thought...

We want to broaden the campaign,
and Roxanne is a...

...shining star in the Party's firmament.

-I...
-Perhaps the brightest of them all.

-Of course we accept.
-Great. How nice.

We'll announce it next week, then.

What's the next step?
Should we draft a press release?

The Party is facing criticism for our part
in making vapes available for the youth.

What does that mean?

We'll need someone from the Party
on TV at three o'clock.

TV? You mean... a televised debate?

But isn't this an issue
for the Health Minister?

Micke will be busy
with budget matters today.

-Do you have more important things to do?
-No, we can do it.

We can, and then some. We sure can.

Great. We'll e-mail you some info. Bye.

Hugs!

-Right.
-Bye.

It's happening, Lisa.
This is the first step

towards me becoming Prime Minister.

What was that all about?

Guess who will be
the Party's new driving force?

-Me!
-What?

-For real?
-Choo-choo, here we go!

-Hard work really pays off.
-Indeed.

But, Lisa,
what were you saying about Mikael?

-I just thought...
-This is my time to shine.

Exactly. You're totally right.

-It's a lot to process, that's all.
-Not to me.

Yes! Champagne!

Here's some extra info,
so you can prepare yourself.

"A non-smoking Sweden by 2025."
That's overly optimistic, isn't it?

-How about 2030?
-Better stick to the stated goals.

-Try not to deviate from the text.
-Just kidding.

No need to worry. I'm focused.

-Good.
-How should I wear my hair, Saga?

You should really go for bangs, I think.

I mean now.

Then there's not much you can do.

Someone from the Parent's Association
Against Tobacco will be there,

claiming that e-cigarettes
are marketed at young people.

I know. And I'll say that we
are taking this issue seriously,

we are launching an inquiry, the existing
legislation is lacking, and so on.

I am capable of memorizing stuff, Lisa.

Relax! Remember my motto, everyone?

No.

-"Hakuna Matata."
-That's right.

Time to bid farewell to this old thing!

-Wanna come to the funeral?
-No.

Come on!

Will you do the honors, madam?

You tried, but your coffee
actually tasted like farts!

-Exactly.
-Bye.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Decent coffee is really a human right.

Yes, now we're truly a Welfare Ministry.

-Is it hooked up?
-Yes, and no.

The government's wolf policies
are a stain on the human race,

according to the United Centrist Party's
spokesperson for the preservation...

This won't do! Here I am,
stuffing myself with cookies,

with the government here, no less.

-Hi, Saga.
-How are you, Henrik? Looking tired.

It's tough work being in the opposition.

True! When did the New Conservatives
last win an election?

-Were mobile phones around then?
-Don't think so.

Not great to see you.
What are you doing here?

Don't be like that. Elsa was on earlier
and eviscerated your labor policies.

I stayed for some tea. What about you?

Seeing you, we gathered we were in
a car crash and are now in hell.

It's starting.

E-cigarettes are becoming
increasingly common,

and flavored nicotine products
are luring in more and more young Swedes.

Anton Höjer, Vice President of
Parent's Association Against Tobacco,

and Roxanne Wiklund, Minister of Welfare.

VAPES AND THE YOUTH

-Welcome.
-Thank you.

Thanks, great being here... on TV.

Anton, you feel that the government
is evading its responsibility for this.

That's right, they are.

Countless studies show that tobacco...

I'll bet he's a lot of fun at parties.

But, Lisa, shouldn't your old boss,
Mikael Wahlström, be handling this?

I'm still curious about your transfer.
Talk about demotion!

They said we could work undisturbed here,
so maybe you could un-disturb us?

-Sensitive topic?
-Not at all.

-We need action now.
-Roxanne Wiklund,

what is the government's policy
on this issue?

It's of course very alarming,

-the numbers this man mentioned.
-Anton.

We in the government
are considering launching an investigation

into the current legislation
on these kinds of products

that are clearly aimed at young people.

And as a mother of two
beautiful daughters, I really feel...

-She nailed it.
-Yes.

-And nice text, right?
-But her hairstyle is a two out of five.

Pretty words,
but you just spoke for 30 seconds,

and in that time another 12 young Swedes
have become addicted to nicotine.

-What is the government's response?
-That can't be right.

That's what they do.
Throw out numbers and see what sticks.

This is of course very sad,
but I can promise...

"Sad"? This is a matter of life or death.

I'm not the one
you need to make promises to.

I can promise that this government
has a very clear policy

for solving this in the long term.

We are already actively working
towards achieving

an entirely tobacco-free Sweden

by 2025.

What did she say?

-She said...
-A tobacco-free Sweden by 2025.

-Did she say tobacco-free by 2025?
-Indeed. I have to make a few calls.

But good luck with this.

-f*ck! Come on!
-Yes.

What? Will someone please say something?

What happened?
Did someone die? A celebrity?

-It better not be ABBA.
-Roxanne,

there's a reason for sticking to scripts
and precise wordings,

-to avoid mistakes.
-I didn't say anything wrong.

-Did I?
-Bill.

-"Tobacco-free by 2025."
-And what does the strategy say?

-Non-smoking by 2025.
-Yes.

So? What's the difference?

"Tobacco" also includes... snus!

f*ck. You really should see this.

So I'm asking
not only the Minister of Welfare,

but the whole government,

what were you thinking trying to ban snus?

Do you want to deprive regular Swedes
of their only small pleasure in life?

That's not what I meant!

What the hell!
Nit-picking over one little word!

Don't they have a life?
Here's a word from me,

Damn f*cking c*ck-ball!

Technically three words.

-Provided c*ck-ball is a word.
-It is!

It's all over Twitter now.
Hashtag Snusgate.

-c*ck-ball, c*ck-ball.
-Please.

-Why do you want to ban snus?
-Is it just tobacco-based snus

you want to ban,
or also the "all white" kind?

When will the ban come into effect?

Will it be gradual, or on a specific date?

Will we be exporting snus
though it's banned here?

What about those working in the industry?

I know that you have many questions,
so please let me clarify

that we want a non-smoking Sweden.
No-one is touching snus.

Except the users, as is their right.

Does the treatment of snus
go against EU regulations?

INCOMING CALL
LISA LANGÅS

-That one goes there. And...
-What? No.

-It's plugged in. I don't get...
-If I compare to the manual...

What, Jan?

-What's the government's response?
-Snus is a good alternative to smoking.

-Good?
-Good is relative. It's an alternative.

A very addictive alternative
that may cause mouth cancer.

What I'm saying is that we can't
ban all existing drugs.

The important thing is to use
the safest drugs possible,

in the safest way possible.

That's harm-reduction,
rather than zero tolerance.

-What about injection booths?
-Or easier access to methadone?

-Did you ever smoke pot?
-Pot?

-I never did.
-How much alcohol do you drink?

That's all for today. Nice seeing you.

Sorry, we can't take more questions.

Thank you!

-She's a well-known face now, at least.
-Indeed.

-Guys, the worst is behind us.
-Hey, Kaminsky is here.

He's waiting in your office.

Great, thanks.

It's Wednesday. It's 4:45 PM.
Do you know what that means?

It means 15 minutes to go

before my intermediate aerobics class
at the gym.

You know why I love that class?

I haven't a clue.

It's challenging and expl*sive.

They play music by Robyn,
Imagine Dragons, and Rebecca & Fiona.

It's the ultimate endorphin boost,
an amazing rush of pleasure.

Do you think I'm experiencing
that rush right now?

That's right. I'm not.

'Cause while sitting in the locker room,
I'm hearing that our Welfare Minister

has single-handedly reversed
our entire drug policy!

-We get how it looks.
-You do, do you?

You went on record on TV,
claiming that we're against snus.

And just now you said to the press mob
down there that we're pro-snus.

Knowing that, perhaps you understand
what's the right policy on snus?

-Not to discuss snus at all?
-There you go!

Very good! The Swedish policy on snus
has long been a potential headache.

We're working towards,

and with,
an export authorization for Swedish snus

whilst lobbying
the health debate simultaneously!

It has worked well.
It has worked amazingly well.

Until you...
opened this f*cking Pandora's box!

Now we're being called "drug-libtards" and
"East German a*s-hats" in the same breath!

The Prime Minister was asked
about legalizing mescaline!

What's wrong with you?

-We can work this out. I was thinking--
-No. No.

You're not to do anything!

I, on the other hand, have a 500 kilo turd

that you squeezed onto my lap
to deal with.

And while I'm doing that

you're to keep away
from radio, TV, and newspapers.

I don't want to see
even a reaction to a comment

on a shared link
from your aunt's f*cking Facebook!

Just be silent.

And what about me being a driving force?

What did you say?

I mean, I'm supposed to be
a driving force.

Gone.

-Well... Crazy day.
-Yeah.

-We're going for a beer. Wanna come?
-Yeah.

No, thanks. I need to work on Roxanne's

"I'm no longer a driving force" strategy.

I get it. Yeah, she was really crushed.

But it ran pretty late today,

so if Roxanne's not coming in, maybe
we won't need to be in at nine sharp?

We'll be in at nine sharp.
Don't work yourself to death.

You know where to find us
if you want booze.

Okay, have fun.

Just take it easy.

MOM

-Hi, Mom.
-Hi, sweetie. How are you?

I assume you saw
the whole thing on the news.

Yes, but how are you? What are you doing?

I'm just at home.

Lying on the sofa, watching...
the Kardashians.

Good, you take care of yourself.
Not just work.

No, what are you doing?

-I'm making a French fish stew.
-Ooh la la.

BILL: Are you watching the news?
Mr. big time is in trooble.

*trouble

I forgot the saffron, so it's not French.

Listen, I'll call you later. Kisses.

Wahlström was accused
of pawing a female colleague

in the copy room of the ministry.

The incident occurred when they were
printing a great number of invites

to the ministry's kick-off.

Of course, I take this very seriously,
but I'm determined

to get to the bottom of this,
and to clear up this misunderstanding.

We are opening a dialogue,
and I hope that we'll work this out.

However news of Wahlström's misconduct
has been overshadowed by "Snusgate,"

which has dominated the news today.

Hello, hello...

Don't tell me there's more.

There's more, but good. They used us.

How is that good?

Kaminsky just needed someone to cover
for Mikael while they handled the press.

You setting off Snusgate
was a godsend for them

since they didn't want to lose
their golden boy!

God! It's clear as day.

I don't understand a word you're saying
and I don't understand bangs.

You'll have your time to shine.

SPÅNGA MUNICIPALITY
FIGHT FOR WELLNESS 2022

DON'T TAKE OUR SNUS!

It's a great honor for me

to finally hand out this award.

But first, I'd like to say that...

as a politician,

you're expected to be... a role model.

Don't say the wrong things,
don't do the wrong things.

But... Surprise! We're just human.

Just like you!

And we share the same pleasures in life.

Just like you.

One thing I learned
from yesterday is that sometimes,

actions speak louder than words.

Thank you.

And now it's time to introduce
the star of the day.

Let's see. The award for
the healthcare provider of the year...

It burns.

...goes to Leila's Laser Removal Clinic
for Hemorrhoids!

Good job fighting the little buggers!

A big hand for Leila,
and for the hemorrhoids that are now gone.

You have so much on your plate.
I'm just happy about today.

Exactly. I have to take this.

-Hi.
-I told you to shut up, didn't I?

Yes...

I want a meeting on Monday.
We have some things to discuss.

Understood. About what?

Roxanne's campaign strategy.

Okay, does that mean
she's back on the election train?

-Choo, choo, see you Monday.
-Exactly. Choo, choo.

Bye.

There...

OUT OF ORDER

Tastes like tape.

Yeah, welcome to the Ministry of Welfare.

Pretty good, though.