01x04 - Almedalen

[bunniefuu]

Oh, my God!

We need to book a larger plane next time.

These small ones are awfully noisy inside.

-What time is it?
-What about noise-cancelling AirPods?

Nine. We need...

I lost them.

Again?

Yes. They're smaller than rabbit poop.

-How can you not?
-Are you done blabbering?

-Yes.
-Good.

Let's talk about the panel discussion.

Yes. Panel discussion. sh**t!

5,000 new wind turbines!

No, 500.

Right? And that's our headline.

"If we win,
we'll build 500 new wind turbines."

Yes, and they will be totally invisible.

No... They'll be way offshore.

Exactly, 'cause no-one wants
a hideous wind turbine where they live.

-Is it much further?
-Yes.

Let's go! Visby!

Welcome to Politician's Week
here in Almedalen.

The Democratic Coalition are
presenting their climate policy today.

An important issue, presented by the
Minister of Welfare, Roxanne Wikblad...

-Excuse me, Wiklund.
-Yes.

Five hundred... Hundred...

Think "hounds". Right.

Labrador, poodle...

The panel discussion is at 3:00 PM.

Do you know who's moderating?

-The lady with the hair?
-No, Lucas Alfredsson.

Never heard of him.

As long as he's not public service TV.
I want someone chipper.

He's on YouTube and TikTok,
so don't worry.

Is he a gamer?
Are we going to talk about Super Mario?

Five hundred new wind turbines.

He's got 500,000 followers on Instagram,

and a podcast on mental health, PoD-HD.

Everyone seems to have
some diagnosis with an acronym these days.

-ADD, OCD, ABCDE...
-Exactly.

Actually, I have an acronym too.

-Okay?
-Yes?

-Yeah... VIP.
-That's right.

Lisa?

Bill and I thought we'd go over
some social media strategies...

Will you be okay, or do you need us?

God, no. Go ahead!

-We'll meet before the panel discussion?
-Okay.

-Great. Terrific!
-Yes, that'll be fun.

Billy Boy, stop working.
We've got free time until 2:30 PM.

-Really? Awesome.
-Yes.

Wow, you use
black-and-white photos on Tinder.

-Deep.
-Did you want something?

Don't you have more
important things to do?

No, I did all my work on the plane
while you were sleeping.

This is the real reason
for me to go to Almedalen.

-What do you mean? Here.
-Thanks.

Almedalen is panel discussions
and trading business cards,

but it's also hook-up central.

It's like Way Out West,
only for politicians.

It looks more like some gigantic
housing co-op meeting to me.

No. It's a sex party.

-You didn't bring walking shoes?
-No.

-It's not all like this, right?
-Yes, actually.

-No asphalt?
-Lisa, hi.

Hi, you're here?

-It would seem that way.
-Right. This is Roxanne.

Roxanne Wiklund, as I'm known over here.

Of course. Josef Biermann,
political advisor to Elsa Falk.

We'll have to watch our words.
In case you're spying.

The espionage isn't going so well.

So any state secrets you can share
will be most helpful.

Watch out, Lisa.
He's sure to have a hidden camera.

-Yes.
-Are you coming to the mixer?

I thought I might. See you there?

Yes, maybe, I have some work to finish...

You have to stop working sometime.
Of course she's going.

I hope so.

-Roxanne, Lisa, pleasure.
-Bye.

-How about that one with chocolate on top?
-What?

-A real hot fudge sundae.
-Oh, stop.

-Visby. I don't get the hype.
-It's gorgeous here.

It's so f*cking basic.
You've got H&M, Specsavers,

and Wayne's Coffee. It's like...

Basically the mall in Kista
with a ring wall.

The knights of the Proletariat
has arrived!

Henrik! I didn't know
Medieval Week started already.

More like Roman Bacchanalia Week.

You should've been there yesterday.
I'm all sore now.

Is Almedalen some kind of
open-air sex club?

I told you so.

Thank God.

Wear your watch on your right.

Why? Watches are for dorks.

To show you're open to adventure.

-Oh, come on...
-"Adventure"...

You're cute...

A watch on the right arm
is Almedal code for

being up for any and all
sexual escapades.

-Anytime.
-I see.

Please stop staring at me
like that when you say that.

I have no regrets.

Except the seven-way
with the agricultural lobbyist in 2019.

Is this what you do?

-Little Billy is too stuffy for that.
-Yeah.

My Tinder is on fire.

I'm having a date right now.

-Now?
-Yes, now.

-See you later.
-Right.

-And what's your plan?
-Well...

I might go to the National Motorist's
Association's afternoon tea.

-Would you...
-No, thanks.

I'd rather sleep with a rauk.

Keep on laughing.

Your loss! More motorists for me!

Let's do it.

-How about a pair of slippers?
-No, just the sheepskin, thanks.

But hey, aren't you that politician?
Susanne...

Roxanne. That's right.

I'm the Welfare Minister
for the Democratic Coalition.

But then you should get something more.

Now that you're finally here.

Us country folk
also need to make a living.

-Yes.
-Right?

-Of course.
-Well, then...

-Take these, then.
-Sure.

And a pair of white ones.

-Right?
-Sure.

We have honey too, and some creams

and oils,

all from the Gotland countryside.

Sure, why not.

And some cream...

A sheepskin for 7,000 SEK?

So what's the big fuss
over Gotland's economy?

No, that was the total.

People were gawking,
I had to buy all kinds of crap.

We have wooden spoons,

marmalade, slippers and honey...

I don't even know what that is.

"Gute Glue. Hardens in 10 minutes."

"Mighty strong."

Three hundred fifty nine SEK?

-Is that a lot?
-For glue, yes.

I knew it.

What's does "reit raut" mean?

That it's very strong, I guess.

This weighs like 15 kilos.

-I'll go rest at the hotel.
-You do that.

I need you to go buy Kränku-tea for me.

If they see a celebrity,
they'll make me buy the whole store.

All right.

Thanks.

Thanks.

-The hotel is that way.
-Right.

-Right.
-Right is that way.

I know.

Do you usually sail to Gotland?

It seemed fitting to get to Gotland
with the use of wind power...

...considering the agenda.

Okay, guys. Thank you so much.
See you later, right?

Great.

-And 200 grams of the rooibos.
-Okay.

Hi.

Hi, Mikael.

-Long time no see.
-That's right.

Great to see you.

It's surprising, that's for sure.
I didn't know you were coming.

Neither did I.

It was decided on short notice.

The higher ups make the decision.

I'm to act as a support
during the panel discussion.

Roxanne's panel discussion?

She doesn't need support.

I know.

-She's got you.
-Exactly.

You're the best, Brummelisa.

-Right. Brummelisa.
-Remember?

You will keep a low profile
during the panel discussion?

I'll be completely invisible.

Like the wind.

Still, it might be a good idea
to talk a bit before.

I'll be...

...alone here for a few days.

Maybe we could grab a coffee,
a glass of wine... Get together and talk?

Or?

I really don't have the time.
So sorry, I...

Roxanne has become an important figure
for the election, so we're busy.

There you are.

Card or Swish?

Swish. How much?

-Four hundred.
-I'll get it.

-You don't have to. I can pay.
-Lisa, I'll get it.

-No, I'll pay.
-It's fine. I'll get it.

-Should I take the money?
-Yes, do.

If you insist on paying, just swish me.
Same number.

-Did you change your number?
-Yes, I did.

Okay, then it's settled.
Thanks so much. I have to go.

But I'll see you later, right?

-Hi. Mikael Wahlström.
-Hi.

-Minister of Social Affairs.
-Yeah.

Nice stall.

-Excuse me, are you Lisa Langås?
-Yes.

Mikael Wahlström sailed here
from Stockholm,

but Roxanne Wiklund flew here
to talk about the climate initiative.

Yes. That's right.

Unfortunately, she couldn't sail
due to time constraints.

But the plan is
for Roxanne to sail back home.

Sorry, I'm in a hurry.

Does she know how to?

You studied social sciences?

And that got you
interested in foreign policy?

-Something like that.
-Okay.

You were student council president?

-Actually, no.
-I got that vibe...

-That's a compliment.
-Right.

So, is this happening?

What do you mean?

Sex.

We going to have sex?

Yes.

I thought we'd get to know each other.

-So, yeah, I'll Swish you for the tea.
-Okay.

Seriously?

-Yes?
-Hi, listen.

I just ran into Mikael,
and I'm wondering why he's here.

-In Almedalen?
-Yes.

What do you think? Did you ask?

-Sorry, I thought that you...
-Me?

-Did I tell him to go there?
-No. Or...

So why are we having this conversation?

So you don't know why he's here?

Did I say I don't know?

-What?
-You seem to be

a bit confused right now.

Okay, but if he's on the panel,
what's he supposed to say?

Listen, Lisa.
The pawns are closest to the king.

The important thing is to guard your back.

What? No.

Just look after the pawns! Hugs!

f*cking idiot.

Sure you don't want something special
for dinner tomorrow?

I don't know, Björn. You decide.

I have this super important
panel discussion in an hour.

I just thought we'd have
some "we time" this week.

I barely remember how you look.

-Do a Google image search or something.
-What?

Google Princess Madeleine!

What?

We look alike. I've told you that before.

Someone's at the door. I have to go.

-We'll talk later. Kiss, kiss!
-Kiss...

-Hi.
-I've got some bad news.

Here I am on the Aurora.

There's a 5 m/s westerly wind,

and I'm on my way to Almedalen
to talk about wind power.

And what better way to travel
than by using wind power?

See you in Almedalen!

No!

And what did Kaminsky say?

It was a bit unclear, but apparently
Mikael will be there as support.

I knew it!

He's trying to make a comeback!

Yeah, but getting the headline
is what matters.

"500 new wind turbines."

-He's smart too, with that damn sailboat!
-Yeah.

Why didn't we think of that?

-Sorry. I just get so stressed.
-It's okay.

No, it's not okay.

I'm going to say something crazy.

Quiz me.

Sure.

We'll show them who they're messing with.

Hi, guys! Lucas Alfredsson,
formerly known as Luckyboi.

I'm reporting live from Almedalen.

Today, we're talking about the climate.

-Feel good?
-Yeah.

It feels great
that we're doing this together.

-I'll stay in the background.
-Okay.

I recently posted a new vlog,

where I'm talking about climate anxiety
and other types of anxiety too.

Of course.

I actually recorded
a challenge this week...

She wasn't my type, that's all.

Sure she was.
She thought you were smoking hot!

No, I mean...

You're just as vanilla as ice cream.

I'm not vanilla.

Welcome on stage,
Minister of Welfare, Roxanne Wiklund

and Minister of Social Affairs,
Mikael Wahlström!

Great to have you guys here.

Before we start, I'd like to say

that my daughters and I
are huge Lucas fans.

I think we account for
about half of your views.

Is that right?

Yeah right.

Bonus points to you.

Seriously, this climate thing
is not a competition.

But if it were, now is the time
to gear up if we want to win.

Yes, and we in the Democratic Coalition...

Can you hear me?

We in the...

We in the... Can you hear me?

Louder!

Wait, I'll just...

Be right back.

Sorry, I believe what Roxanne
is trying to say is that

the Democratic Coalition today
will unveil our new climate vision

-which we are calling "Off-shore".
-Cripes.

Yes, we're talking about wind turbines!

Five hundred new wind turbines!

Off-shore, where they won't be seen,
they will generate power

-to hundreds of thousands of Swedes!
-Should we intervene?

If sound was my business,

and my one job was
to make sure people were heard...

...people would be heard!

-It's not your fault.
-I know.

MIKAEL:
Found your new number.

Pity about the tech difficulties.
Talk soon. Bamse.

That damn Chatty Kathy, Wahlström!

I'll bet he's happy now.

We needn't go to the mixer.

Of course we do!

We're going.

We'll look like we're having a blast.
And we will.

Let's go.

We're getting back up on that horse.

-Yes.
-I want a bucketful of Champagne.

-Hi.
-Hot fudge sundae, you showed!

-I'm a man of my word.
-Lovely.

-I'm off to the bar to order a big bucket.
-Right.

-Why don't you entertain Lisa for awhile.
-Sure.

-So you're here alone?
-No, Henke is around somewhere.

I get it. You sort of lost him?

I make it a habit to do so.

Of course.

The code word if you
see him is "Mini sausage."

-Okay, why?
-He's a bit of a wiener.

I get it.
Or is it because he's got a tiny...

-I don't mind.
-I don't know...

Hello, everyone!

Lucas Alfredsson,
formerly known as Luckyboi.

Nice to see so many people!

Let's not forget
that social phobias are real phobias.

And help is available.
I'm addressing that in my vlog.

So go check it out.

I also want to introduce a special guest
with a special request!

Mikael Wahlström, get up here.

-Here.
-Thanks.

Great. Can you hear me back there?

-Great. Hi, everyone.
-Hi.

I have two wishes for this evening.

One is that you all
are having a really lovely night.

-Are you?
-Yes!

And second, I want to request a dance

with a very special someone.

She's attractive, she's smart,

she's my brilliant party colleague!

Here it is...
Roxanne, may I have this dance?

-Are you okay?
-Yes, I'm just fine!

Only, I have to go.

I want to apologize for earlier today.

It went all wrong.

Yes, it did.

I was super stressed
about the microphone myself and...

I'm hopeless with technology.

But it went smoothly for you.

I'll talk to the journalists

and clarify that it's you and I
who are the ones behind the wind turbines.

It's not okay that you weren't mentioned.

No. But that sounds okay.

You're good. Unique, even.

We really ought to collaborate more often,
don't you think?

We could make really good team,

a real power couple.

So, in what way am I unique?

You have your own voice.
The voters like you.

You're a good dancer.

You have no idea.

Hiya. Bill.

Where did you go?

God... Mikael and I put on
this whole big dance performance!

We owned that dance floor.

He apologized.

And he asked about you.

He suggested that our
ministries collaborate more.

He thinks that he and I
would make a great team!

Okay. I don't know what's gotten into you,
but please listen to me.

Mikael Wahlström is a fake,
through and through.

No, he isn't, Lisa. He's...

-Charming? I know that!
-Yes.

He smiles at everyone,
is beloved by everyone...

Ha says that he loves everyone,
but he doesn't!

What he means is that you're pretty,
but he wants you on the down-low,

so as to not mess things up
with his family!

He loves them too,
but in a different way.

You're special and fantastic,
but it's just not the right time.

Maybe once the kids are older,
but they just multiply!

So you'll be sitting there
off to the side, yearning and waiting.

In the end you can't sleep anymore,

and you just lie awake
with a hole in your heart

like a f*cking kid in an orphanage!

It's okay.

Okay...

-Hi, there.
-Hi.

-Mikael, Minister of Social Affairs.
-I know.

Josef Biermann, New Conservatives.
I work with Elsa.

Oh, wow! You're far behind enemy lines.

-Are you here for any special reason?
-No.

Your dance partner invited me, actually.

-Oh, so you dance?
-Perhaps after a few drinks.

Well, you do have a dancer's build.

Somehow. A bit thin. Slim.

Myself, I have a classic male silhouette,
according to people who know.

I do a lot of free weights. Heavy lifting.

Okay. That's great.

-Are you single?
-No.

-No? Okay.
-I mean yes.

Sorry for disappearing.
I had to powder my nose...

...in the bathroom,
for a really long time.

-Listen, let's talk some more?
-Sure.

Great. You get the drinks
and I'll get the chairs.

I'll get the drinks and... you behave.

I...

Hello, there.

-Hi.
-Roger Westberg, Board of Agriculture.

And Solveig Kjettilsen Hagerup
from the Norwegian Storting.

-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Hi.

-Bill Nyman, Ministry of Welfare.
-I see.

-Sexy!
-Wanna go for some hanky-panky?

Maybe some roly-poly?

Hanky-panky? No...

I think there's been
some misunderstanding.

So why wear your watch on your right?

-You tease.
-You can't just go tricking people...

What's the conversation about?
The sexual consent law?

Do you have that in Norway?

-Thanks, really.
-It's okay.

Let's take this off.
Only dorks wear watches anyway.

Yeah, okay.

The year after
we rented a place near Ängelholm.

It was lovely, but the beaches
in Ängelholm aren't the nicest...

-they're nicer farther north--
-Sorry, this is so interesting,

but shouldn't we call it a night?

-It's kind of late.
-I'm getting to my point.

-Yes, but I really need to...
-Wait.

That should do it. Where were we?

Oh, yes. You're a fake.

You're a heart-crushing,
cheating scumbag!

-That's my point.
-Now I'm confused.

Lisa Langås? Ring a bell?

My brilliant chief of staff,
your brilliant former press secretary.

Yes. I know who she is.

-This is very weird.
-Not at all.

Lisa and I are just like Laurel and Hardy,

like Chip and Dale.

When you go after her,
you're "barking up the wrong creek."

-That doesn't sound good.
-No.

But I've got a little present for you.

Gute glue.

Some kind of super strong adhesive.
Made from sheep. Bloody expensive.

There.

You'll soon know how strong it is.

What the hell did you do?

"As you sit, so you shall stick."
No, wait!

"As you glue, so shall you sit!"

Hello.

-Flaming vanilla shot for Vanilla Bill.
-That's me!

Saga, you're such a nice person.

No... Hey, check it out.

-Yikes.
-They deserve each other.

What are you doing, you idiot!
The glass will get too hot!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

What the hell!

This is a f*cking Brioni suit!

Please evacuate the hotel.

Please evacuate the hotel.

Please evacuate the hotel.

Please evacuate the hotel.

Please evacuate the hotel.

Please evacuate the hotel.

-Please evacuate the hotel.
-I'm coming.

Please evacuate the hotel.

f*ck!

-Hi, honey.
-Hi.

Oh, my God!

-He's in a sticky situation.
-What happened?

-I'll tell you in the morning.
-What?

Hi.

-Hi!
-Were you asleep?

I know, right? I was just about to...

-What's going on?
-I think your crew were involved somehow.

Of course they f*cking were.

Are we just supposed to wait here
for Gotland's sole fire truck?

Gotland actually has
10 fire stations and 20 trucks.

I know this because I started panicking
when the alarm went off,

and immediately Googled:
"Gotland fire trucks, how many."

That's great!
You're solution-oriented, anyway.

Maybe that's why you guys
are doing so well, right?

Are you all right? About earlier, I mean.

Yes, absolutely. I'm great.

Do you wanna go for a walk?

No, not now. Sometime later, I mean.

I'd rather have you meet my parents
before we start taking walks together.

I get it. Would you call your mom
and ask if it's okay?

-I'm feeling a bit rebellious. Let's go.
-Okay.

-A short one!
-A short one.

I didn't ask my mom either.

So we're on thin ice?

Yes, but if we keep our distance,
it might be okay.

You back away a bit.

-Now that you mention it.
-You can carry my bag then.

A trade? Sounds good.

Whose f*cking idea was it
to go home by boat?

I thought you'd be happy.
You wanted to sail.

Not on a shrimping boat!

I get that. Berivan doesn't know
a lot about boats, it turns out.

But there's Wi-Fi.

Crazy good Wi-Fi! I'm livestreaming.

No, don't!

I'm kidding, Bill.

-Do we have far to go?
-Yes, another 30 hours, I think.

If we hurry.