04x05 - Heart

[bunniefuu]

My sister and I immigrated here

because I caught the attention

of a man who helped us.

You and Amira were part of our family.

You just packed up and left.

- Hydromorphone.

- If you have pain, Claire,

that pain should be managed.

We're going to make

an accountability plan

for the painkillers. So

that they stay under control.

Yeah, I want kids, too.

I have no idea how I'd make

that work or if I can even

I want you to think long

and hard about whether

this is the right profession for you.

Dr. Novak, I think you made your point.

This mess is not a

good look for Trauma OR.

In that case, you can have the future.

June, say whatever you

want to Ryan, I am out.

This is an example of why

you didn't get the fellowship.

This instinct to leap blindly.

Every time I think I've built something,

that feeling fades and I just run.

A heart may come tomorrow or never.

- This is good news.

- Like, I got the job?

- Have any doubts or concerns?

- No, no.

There's a heart waiting

and it's a perfect match.

I need you to confirm.

Are you accepting this heart?

Yeah, I I can be at

the hospital in 20 minutes.

Great news.

I'll inform the surgeon

and connect with you

once you get here.

Congratulations, Mags.

Thanks, Connie.

Uh I have to go.

I just, uh I just

matched with a heart.

- Already?

- Yeah, I've been on a list

- for a few months.

- Sorry, you're leaving

right now to go get a heart transplant?

To do, uh, a pre-surgical

work-up before anything else.

But, uh What do I bring?

I didn't ask what I should bring. I

- You want us to come with you? We

- No, no.

It's like a sick joke.

I'm like in the middle

of celebrating the thing

I've wanted my whole life.

Why is this happening now?

Hey.

It's going to be okay.

Thank you guys for coming.

Mags.

- Let me take you.

- No. No, it's okay.

I think I just need to

Okay? Are you okay?

Shouldn't I be asking you that?

Uh, I would not

know how to answer.

- Are you on tomorrow?

- Uh-huh.

Come see me.

In my head, where? How? The tumour.

Uh, it's in the frontal

lobe of your brain.

Guess that explains the headache.

- Which you've had for how long?

- Months.

Like I said when you first examined me.

What happens now?

Hey, are you listening?

Hey, man.

I saw your text and my

admin said you were waiting,

but I'm pretty wall-to-wall

today so unless it's

I was just in the middle

of talking to a patient

and I realized that

I can't remember the last 14 hours.

(OPENING THEME)

It's like you know when you drove home,

but you don't remember the journey.

I I zone out sometimes,

but it's been at least two

years since it happened.

But it sounds like you got walloped

with some pretty intense news yesterday.

Not getting the ED job and

then this thing with Mags.

That's why she didn't

tell me because she knew

I'd find a way to wear it. And

why she ended things with me.

What's the point of the work we

do if this is still where I am?

I have a patient in my office

who might not want to hear that.

Look, I didn't mean to offend you, I

You don't want this to

be happening, but it is.

So focus on the practical.

Make sure nothing got missed

with any of your patients,

and tell your chief that you need

the afternoon off for personal reasons.

You make it sound so simple.

If you want to talk more,

I can see you at 4 P.M.

The cath went well.

No abnormalities we weren't expecting.

Pulmonary pressure was also fine.

How do you feel, Mags?

Um You said "fine",

does that mean not good?

I get the impetus to be the doctor,

but today, that's my job. We'll

make sure everything's in range.

Okay. But are you saying it isn't?

Because you both seem kind of

There was a small

flag in your bloodwork.

White cells at 13.

Are you worried about

infection or inflammation?

That's not me trying to be a doctor.

That's just me being me.

- Will you start antibiotics?

- Yes.

There's plenty of time

for you to respond.

The donor heart hasn't

even been retrieved yet.

Assuming your count is in range by then,

we could be operating

as early as this evening.

My team will need around

seven hours for the transplant.

After that, you'll

be in CICU a few days.

Then the ward for about a week.

Save your strength, Dr. Leblanc.

We'll speak soon.

Doesn't seem to like me very much.

Mags, Andrew's the top guy.

What he reserves in emotional

labour, he spends on the table.

He's the one you want doing this.

Will the backup recipient

still be an option?

If I'm ruled out from infection,

- will the heart still be of use?

- Don't worry about any of that.

I'll admit, I'm surprised

you said yes to this

considering we weren't

expecting a match so soon.

And when you found out you

made the list, you were unsure.

Am I allowed to ask how

the retrieval process works?

The donor's in another hospital.

When the family's ready,

they'll withdraw life support.

Retrieval doctor will bring the heart,

Andrew's team will have you prepped.

How do people even do that?

You know, just, wait without

- Driving themselves nuts.

- Yeah.

It's mostly practical stuff.

Many of my patients aren't able to

be as active as you are at this stage,

so they're already set

up for a long recovery.

So maybe contact your family.

Confirm care plans.

Cellulitis is on fluids and antibiotics.

Hip fracture is waiting on OR.

And Dr. Thibeault hasn't

come back from imaging.

- Okay, and Doctor

- Thibeault.

Is he one of the new residents?

The thoracics guy from

upstairs? He's on call tonight,

but came in with this

suspected gallbladder attack.

- You ordered a formal ultrasound.

- Yes!

Yes, uh Ultrasound. Um

And the lady with the

tumour, has oncology been in?

- Tanya, she was in E.

- She has a tumor?

Holy crap. She came in with

a headache she couldn't shake,

thinking she'd drunk herself

into oblivion. Her words.

- What made you order an MRI?

- Uh, just a lucky hunch.

Well, good on you. I'll handle oncology.

Okay, and, uh, after

that, we're all caught up,

- there's nothing else pending?

- Nope.

Is there something

you're worried we missed?

- No.

- Okay.

(SIGH)

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hey.

- Bashir.

(IN ARABIC)

Well, don't keep us in suspense.

Uh

No, nothing like that.

I, I guess I was just,

um, thinking about things.

Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course.

Um, yeah. Okay, salam.

Yeah, salam.

(GENTLE MUSIC)

Dr. Novak, this is June Curtis,

obviously, you know that.

Were you screening my calls?

Because that would be a d*ck move.

Look, I just wanted to know if you're

non-presence today was intentional.

I know we had some words yesterday,

but that's not uncommon for us.

But then you made that comment

about me putting my stability

on you which isn't even

Can you please call

me when you get this?

Thank you.

- Hi, June.

- Hi!

- Thank you so much for this.

- Yeah, of course.

- Yeah, hi.

- Hi.

She said something about

having to get her

white blood cell count down,

do you think that's very bad?

Uh, not necessarily.

You know, when they're doing

- a heart transplant, sometimes

- This is all she wanted?

I think so.

Uh, everything from her bedroom floor.

- Yeah.

- Exactly what she requested,

I think. I'll help you bring it up.

I'll be fine. You're busy. I'm sure.

Yeah, if there's anything

else you need from the house

- or anything at all, then I

- Well, her sister's coming too,

so you can get back to your life.

Yeah.

Oh.

(GASPS)

June?

- Yeah, uh, it's

- Is something wrong?

Oh, it's nothing.

Oh, it's all just a lot, isn't it?

If you're anything like my daughter,

I know how much she carries so

No, it's not that.

I'm taking hormone therapy

to stimulate ovulation,

and when that happens,

- I get this annoying pain.

- You're trying for a baby?

Thinking about it.

I don't know if I can, but

June, that's wonderful.

It's the hardest and

best thing you'll ever do,

loving someone that much.

Um, I

I'm feeling better now.

I should get back to Mags. Thank you.

- Oh.

- Please don't touch me!

- Is that Owen?

- Please don't touch me.

Every time we try the

BP cuff, he loses it.

- It's like it's hurting him.

- Well, that's because it is.

Hey, Owen, Owen. I'm

Theo. You okay, buddy?

About two years ago, his family

came in after a boating accident.

I'm going to get this

blanket off of you, okay?

- Theo, he's shivering

- I know.

Do you remember me?

No, that's okay, because I remember you.

Let's dim the lights, guys.

And no sound on the monitors.

Owen has sensory processing disorder,

so no one touches him

without checking, okay?

Tell me everything that's

bothering you, buddy.

Can't breathe. Leg hurts.

And somebody's deodorant

is making me itchy.

Alright, let's deal with

those in order, okay?

We need to get you onto our gurney.

It's going to suck. But it'll

be quick and you can scream

- as loud as you need to, okay?

- Okay.

Alright, let's move this closer.

It'll be on my count.

- One, two, three.

- (SCREAMING)

Good job, good job!

Okay, look, this next

step needs a monitor.

We have to stick these

little pads to you, okay?

- Can I do it myself?

- Yeah, of course you can.

Alright, under your shirt,

on your right chest, okay?

And this one on the left.

And this one on your belly.

Alright, can you tell me what happened?

I rode into some dirt, flipped

over my bike handlebars.

Were you wearing a helmet?

That's good.

I need you to put this on your

chest and take a breath for me, okay?

- (WHEEZING)

- Okay, then this side.

Okay, I'll take that back.

(COUGHING)

He's super tachy. 192 and climbing.

Alright, Claire, set up a chest tube.

Prep 30mg of ketamine.

- Without a BP? Theo

- Owen, the reason it hurts

to breathe is probably a

partially collapsed lung.

I need to fix that. I

also need to do an X-ray

of your leg for the bone

doctor. It's going to require

a lot of feeling around, okay?

So can we make a plan

to get you through this?

Last time you made me sleep,

even though I didn't want you to.

- Yes, I did.

- Can you do that again?

I think I rather be numb.

Yeah, um, while Claire does that,

the third thing you said is

that you were feeling itchy.

Forget that. I think it's okay.

Are you sure?

Because I'm here to help you.

I can't go anywhere.

I have no freedom.

Um, you know, not on your

bike for a little while,

- but when your leg heals

- It's not enough.

My mom's always busy. My

friends do stuff without me

because the subway's loud!

I want my driver's licence when I'm 16.

Well, okay, look, if

you're looking for a lesson,

now might not be the best time, pal.

A letter.

Because of how I am.

I need a doctor to say it's safe.

Alright, let's get

through this first, okay?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Um, Ms Leblanc.

Um, I'm Dr. Hamed.

I'm here to give you a status update,

but I don't know what it is.

I know I should've told you.

It's just all been so fast and weird

with mushy odds in every direction

about whether it's worth the risk

or if a heart was ever going to come

- Mags.

- I haven't even been sure how I feel.

I mean, I'm barely letting

myself think about it.

It's okay. Really.

I understand why you didn't tell me.

But I want to be here for you now

in whatever way you need me to be.

Thank you.

(SIGH)

All of this is like

It's like it's happening to me.

It's almost like

Like you don't know how you got here?

Yeah.

And I'm trying to

find a way to tell Devi

because she doesn't know that

I'll need at least six months

to recover from major surgery.

And who knows how

many concessions after.

I don't know.

Maybe I should just fall

on my sword and resign.

Don't. Don't volunteer to quit.

What else am I supposed to do?

Devi put her trust in me

and I betrayed her by not telling

her that this was happening.

I think because I couldn't face it.

Or I wouldn't.

Hey, you could let me tell her.

Bash, it's not fair to put that on

I want to be here for

you, Mags. And I need to

- Bash

- Look, will you just

let me do this for you?

I'll run down the medical facts to her

and give her the space to respond.

It'll be okay.

(INDISTINCT P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT)

- Is this about ICU bed spacing?

- Uh, no.

No, they cleared some. I was

looking at my shifts for next week.

And I remembered you asked

if I ever felt overloaded

- Holy Hell.

- Is something wrong?

Uh I was accidentally copied on this

email from our CMO at

the board saying that

I have failed to address

this situation about

this resident being

mistreated in Trauma OR.

He didn't mean for me

to read this, right?

"One of us will have to talk to Neeta."

Was that about Novak

yelling at some kid?

And the man who didn't even

want me knowing about this

is now blaming me for

the actions of the man

who did this in the first place.

Anyway. Um, what did you need?

- Nothing. I'll figure it out.

- Thanks.

Dr. Thibeault, I understand

you are trying to make

What's your ED passcode?

The system won't let me

look at my imaging and the

tech wouldn't tell me anything,

even though he knows me.

It's against their policy to diagnose

Yeah, I already know

that it's gallstones.

I just want to see the extent of it.

There's actually no

evidence of gallstones

or gallbladder injury

according to your ultrasound.

Show me.

(GROANS) It makes no sense.

This is a classic presentation.

Acute pain that radiates to the

right after heavy or high-fat foods.

Pain between the shoulder

blades, nausea. Hold on.

Are you working a lot of late shifts?

You know, lack of sleep and

stress can affect gut health?

Let me just stop you right there, okay?

I've used the whole "what's

going on in your life" speech

to patients who just

want to be reassured

nothing's wrong my whole career.

Stressed, depressed, anxious?

Sleep better. Eat better.

Hydrate. No, this is not that.

It's more intense localized pain.

Look, as a doctor,

I understand the

impulse to self-diagnose,

but there is several documented

cases of stress and anxiety

- causing 10 out of

- Bud!

I'm not here for therapy.

This isn't mental.

I will ask your radiologist

to review your report.

That's not good enough. I want a HIDA.

Do you know what that is?

Hepatobiliary iminodiacetic acid scan?

Yes, I know what that

is. I will refer you.

- It takes a couple of weeks.

- I want one today.

I'm not sure that's possible.

Radiology is at fu

Well then, bump someone!

Okay, I'm on tonight anyway.

- I'll make the time.

- Dr. Thibeault

You're a resident, right?

- For a few more months, yes.

- Yeah, I'm not.

So I'm telling you to do your job.

Get me on that list.

(SIGHING)

I see you're still not quite

a fan of folding your things.

My bedroom clutter hasn't

been your problem in 15 years.

- Let's not regress.

- It's just if you want to feel

presentable when you have visitors.

I don't know, maybe

somebody here has an iron.

Don't do that, please, Mom.

Thank you for coming to

town so quickly, though.

(IN FRENCH)

Mom Am I making the

right decision here?

Well, um, both your doctors

agree there is no other choice.

And your surgeon

mentioned you were nervous

and that it's normal to be,

but he's done this many times before.

They do have to say that, you know?

(CLEARS THROAT)

I wanted to ask if maybe

I could come to Montreal

for a few weeks once I'm out but

Doesn't make any sense, does it?

No, you need to be close to

the hospital and your doctors.

I was sure you of all

people would have a whole

flow chart mapped out on the logistics.

Well, I don't.

So now I'm thinking that maybe you

can come to June's for a week or two.

And then I'd get a nurse, obviously.

Magalie, your father,

sister and I found a rental

near the hospital, two bedrooms.

We will trade on and off

all year if we need to.

I don't want you guys

disrupting your lives.

Don't be silly. We're your family.

I'll tell your father to

speak to the broker today.

There is an 80% success rate

in the first year, you know?

That means starting the clock,

from tonight's operation,

if they clear me for it, I have

a one-in-five chance of dying.

(IN FRENCH)

Yeah, I just I need to

make sure that you understand

what's happening here, Mom.

That is not a thought any

of us need in our heads

right now, especially not you.

(IN FRENCH)

I asked to be here when you woke up.

Guess that message wasn't received.

Uh, but the traction is

only going to be 24 hours.

- I know.

- Must be uncomfortable.

Have to lie still with

all this stuff on you.

But the bone doctors

agree to let you stay here,

so I could get you everything you need.

Thanks! (CHUCKLES)

Owen, you said you flipped

over your handlebars.

But the way your leg broke

made it look like you jumped.

Now, what you talked about earlier

about you having no freedom. If

you want to talk to someone

- I found the good kind, bud.

- Thanks, Mac.

Dr. Hunter, let's chat in the hall.

You wanted him to talk

to somebody about what?

I'm sorry. Are you family?

Mac Hinkley. I'm Owen's GP.

He asked me to come down.

- Instead of his mother?

- Well, that's between them.

But their relationship is, uh, tough.

- I remember.

- What you don't know about is

his mass cell activation syndrome.

Owen has MCAS? Since when?

Was diagnosed last year.

I think maybe it factored into

the SPD, or accentuated it.

There is so much they

don't know about it, though.

Would that explain today?

The racing heart?

Probably. MCAS means "severe,

unpredictable reactions".

Cardiac, autoimmune, GI

to stimuli that's constantly evolving.

He was afraid of being itchy

because of someone's deodorant,

but then he just said it was okay.

It's a new environment.

He never knows when he's safe.

Which is why we're going to limit the

people coming in and out of his room.

Because he lives in a

constant fear of triggers.

Are you asking him to talk to a psych?

Well, Owen said that he

flipped over his handlebars,

but his femur's fracture pattern,

it well, it said

to me that he jumped.

You never horsed around

when you were his age?

(SIGHING) Owen has challenges, sure.

But he's still a kid which means doing

the same stupid things and

not wanting to cop to it.

Right, but what if

that isn't what happened

- and he intended to hurt himself?

- He wouldn't do that.

You know, we started a desensitization

program to help with the SPD.

We're making progress.

Um, does he have a specialist?

Because I could give you some referrals.

He's got an endless list of them.

But the only one who

actually knows the kid is me.

If Owen wanted to hurt

himself, I'd know it.

He asked me to help him make a

plan to get a driver's licence.

And you think because I said no to that,

he threw himself off a cliff?!

I get he wants to

drive when he's of age.

But he knows that it

might not be realistic.

And I'm not saying he wants to die.

Okay, bad feelings can be fleeting,

but there was a desperation in the ask.

Like he feels trapped.

You're wrong, Dr. Hunter. You're wrong.

And I don't want you bringing

this up with him again.

The good news is it looks operable.

And our surgeon said that she has

an opening tonight for a craniotomy.

Tonight? Does it have to happen so fast?

When they make time so quickly,

waiting is not advisable.

- Okay.

- (RIPPING)

When my son was born, something changed.

I was, um, sad. All the time.

I started drinking to self-medicate,

and the headaches started.

My therapist called it depression.

Another one said "new mother syndrome".

And my friends called it "Wine Mom".

Except, they were all wrong and

it was only ever a brain tumour.

So all the work I did,

the endless counseling,

the A.A. meetings was just pointless?

It sounds like you did

everything you could

with the information you had.

(MAN): You call yourself a

mother, you selfish b*tch!

This is beyond I've had enough.

I'm calling the police.

Never try seeing us again.

My ex came to pick up our son

and he found me passed out in the yard.

My little boy had locked

himself up in the bathroom

because he was terrified of me.

I miss my son.

Hey. Tumours like this,

they affect memory,

decision-making, personality.

This is not your fault, Tanya.

But the damage is done.

I ruined my marriage

and scarred my child.

went out on a limb with a specific

plan that Mags was essential to.

And you're telling me that

she knew this was a risk?

- Uh, Dr. Devi

- Obviously, I'm concerned about her

from a health perspective, but

How did you expect me to

respond to what you just said?

Um, which part of what I just said?

Look, you and I both have

other things to do, I'm sure.

Give my best to Mags.

I will but regarding her job, I just

I'm sorry, Dr. Hamed, but that's

gonna have to stay between me and her.

(GIGGLING)

- (CLEAR THROAT)

- Oh.

- Hi!

- Sorry.

- We're busy, come back later.

- Oh. I'm so sorry, Doctor.

- Um, Doctor?

- Curtis.

I'm Della. And this is

- Hartley. Hello.

- Hi, Hartley.

I hear this is a

hernia-related emergency.

So Hartley developed

one about a year ago

and he was supposed to get it fixed

- at one of those private clinics.

- Trauma Hotels.

Okay, I take that to mean

it didn't happen. Why?

He has a phobia of being put under.

- Have you heard of it?

- Tomophobia. Good word.

- Bad feeling.

- Which we figured out

when he bit the anesthesiologist.

- I bit three anesthesiologists.

- No, it was one on three separate occasions.

Okay Is he

Are you feeling scared

right now, Hartley?

So here is where it gets

maybe a little weird.

Um So last night,

he was in so much pain

and the thing started bulging

which the internet said

could mean "incarceration"?

- So she drugged me.

- She drugged you with what?

- Ecstasy.

- Ecstasy?

I know! But he was resistant to coming

- and I knew that we needed to.

- She slipped it in my coffee.

How lucky am I to have

someone like this in my life?

Okay, so you gave him

ecstasy without his knowledge?

No, he tolerates it fine.

- We used to

- Hartley, hi!

be partyers.

Pills usually lose

their potency over time.

We had one laying around

the house for over a year.

And so I figured it would

just mellow him enough.

You know this is gonna show

up on his urinalysis, right?

I didn't know what else to do.

Okay, he was in so much pain,

and every time he gets

close, he just can't.

He's gonna be okay, right? I

mean, you can help me, can't you?

If we're going to repair this

If? No, you have to.

What's your fear level at now?

On a scale of one to "bitey".

Doubt I'll ever be afraid

again thanks to you.

I'll be right back.

So that guy needs an

emergency hernioplasty

except he's high on ecstasy because his

wife gave it to him

without his knowledge.

I'm not sure of the ethics of all this.

It's actually a crime,

so if he wants us to call the police

Pretty sure he thinks it's romantic.

- I heard Novak's gone AWOL.

- Yeah.

I think we should use this as a reason

to move him out of Trauma OR.

Like, permanently?

Is it even possible for him to be AWOL?

Technically, he answers to himself.

Which is a problem!

He has no accountability

and he's unreliable.

- He's like unpredictable.

- He is toxic chaos.

And I have a job to

do in this department.

Well, if this about

making an example of him

He has dug himself into a hole,

and I can't for the

life of me understand you

- and why you defend him.

- I get it, okay. I get it.

He's got blind spots,

yes. But him and I built

something together in

Trauma OR and I just

I don't feel right blowing it up.

Outstanding patients in the last hour?

Um, no, I gave the tumor

lady a surgical update,

but I think I got distracted after.

Wait, was that why she left?

Tanya left?

You didn't know?

They wanted her upstairs

for pre-op stuff,

but she told me you told her to go.

No, I would never have

Is she coming back?

- Should I tell OR to cancel?

- No, no, no.

Call her first. Try every

number we have for her.

Bash. Did something

happen between you two?

No, nothing happened.

Just grab me if you get her, okay?

- Okay.

- Thanks.

Well, the only other actionable

thing in the last hour was

Bashir, we need to talk

about Dr. Ruston Thibeault.

- Yeah, that.

- You booked an urgent consul

to my office, but Rusty was

expecting a HIDA scan, not psych.

And he was very upset when I showed up.

I made space. You already

knew I was wall-to-wall today.

Wait, wait, wait.

Rusty's waiting for more imaging?

Did I get that wrong, Bash?

Because I could've sworn

you asked me to set up a

psych referral. Yeah, you did.

At least, that's what I have here.

No, Arnold, you didn't get that wrong.

- Thanks.

- Okay

It happened again.

(SIGHING)

Do you remember what you said to Rusty?

He convinced himself

that he has gallstones,

but all the medical facts

pointed to an anxiety reaction,

- so I just

- You wanted him to take

the steps that you were refusing to?

I told you this morning to accept

that this was happening and

to take yourself off the floor.

I was about to go talk to

Devi about it like you said,

but then Mags needed me

to talk to Devi as well,

- so I wanted to be there for her.

- You risked your own wellbeing,

not to mention your other patients'.

With the exception of

sending Rusty to you,

I only saw one patient, who

I was with when I gapped!

- Bashir

- No, she was saying that

she was having these personality changes

due to depression, but it was actually

because of a giant tumour in her head.

Bash, do you hear yourself?

You say our work is

pointless, ignore my advice,

and then demand for help on your terms?

(SIGHING)

Do you remember what your patient

was saying when you were triggered?

Yeah, that the damage had been done

and it was too late to fix it,

and I guess that just

made me feel like

Look, when I came back to

myself, I was talking to Devi.

And, uh

And now, my patient's gone

and I may have really

messed things up for Mags.

You need to take responsibility

for your actions today.

Or I'll have to do it for you.

You know, it might be a good

idea if I get you an Ativan.

When it happened this morning,

I texted my friend Saleh in Syria.

And I guess I offered to sponsor both

him and his wife to come to Canada.

Even though I can't afford it.

And then everything's

so uncertain right now,

- what was I thinking?

- That you miss him.

That you deserve love and friendship.

Because you're not broken and

some part of you actually believes that.

- Take it off! I need it off!

- Owen, you need to stay still.

(SCREAMING)

I need to scratch, it hurts!

- It itches.

- Okay, what happened?

Who has been in here besides me?

- He's reacting to something.

- Well, I don't see a rash.

- Sometimes he just feels it.

- (SCREAMING)

Okay, Owen, what do you need?

What can we do to make you feel better?

You don't really want to know.

You'll use it as a reason

to stop me from doing

things I want to do.

- Owen, I just want to help you.

- Nothing helps!

Nothing ever helps! I'm

stuck this way and I hate it!

Make me sleep again, please!

Make me numb. I just want to be numb!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

I'll get you a sedative.

Hey, Theo, can you cover the

rest of my patients today?

Uh, yeah, sure, I think so.

Just one sec.

Arnold, I need 30mg of ketamine

and 10 cetirizine for Owen, stat.

- On it, I'll meet you in there.

- What's this about? This about Mags?

She okay?

I've been texting you for

info, but you haven't

No, no, no, it's not.

It's not. I'll explain later.

Arnold, can you help him

with the patient transfer?

Yeah.

Dr. Thibeault, I wanted to

You don't look so

Hey, hey. Have a seat.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

It's a rash, it's fine.

You're going to tell me

that's all in my head, too.

The psych consult could

have been handled better.

(SIGHING)

Damn straight.

But I never said it was

all in your head, Rusty.

Gallstones or not, what

you're feeling is real.

- May I?

- Yeah.

Breathe.

Are you experiencing

airway constriction?

Because your lips look like

they're starting to swell.

- Yeah. I think so.

- With me.

Anaphylaxis is not a

symptom of gallstones.

Are you allergic to anything?

No, radioactive imaging,

tracer dye apparently.

Wait, did you inject yourself with it?

You wouldn't get me a HIDA scan,

I had to take matters into my own hands!

So in order to prove

that you had gallstones,

your plan was to scan yourself.

That's

- Lie back, please.

- (SIGHING)

Okay, one, two, three

We'll give it two minutes.

We're going to get you

on fluids, antihistamines,

and steroids to flush the

dye out of your system.

And then you should

start to feel much better

- if you want to go back to work.

- No, not like this.

Would you like me to let someone know?

I don't want anyone knowing

that I do this to myself.

Maybe calling psych wasn't

the worst idea in the world.

- Hey.

- Did you get it?

Uh-huh. Aren't you supposed

to be in bed on antibiotics?

Yeah, the infusion went through.

Is that for me? Can I see it?

You don't have to act like

a spy. They're your labs.

Yeah, my surgeon already

thinks I'm a problem.

But you know, I read his

review on "Rate My MD",

and one of his patients said that

he didn't go through the risks,

and another that he changed

course and she wasn't consented.

My white blood cell count is normal.

- That's good.

- If you're just gonna spit back

- out things I already know

- Do you know?

Because you're not acting like somebody

who's relieved that they're good to go.

Or that they have an excellent surgeon.

Have you seen Bash? He was

supposed to talk to Devi for me,

but he never came back and I need

to know what she says before I

- Before what?

- Before

Before you go through with this?

- Are you trying to get out of it?

- No.

Mags.

I don't know.

Even if I was, it's

obviously out of my control.

(BEEPING)

(SIGHING)

Novak started a firestorm

and then he vanished.

And now Devi wants me to sell him out.

Which is really not important

considering what you're

going through right now.

Please don't say it.

I'm just trying to help.

Yeah, well, you just

you take it all for granted.

- What?

- Yeah, you're out of residency.

You've got everything you've

wanted right in front of you.

Meanwhile, the exact

date that I get the job

I nearly k*lled myself for,

I found out that this happens.

And if I say no to the transplant,

my dumb defective heart

that I was born with

could just give out at anytime.

Or maybe never, who knows!

And now, apparently, I'm

moving back in with my parents.

- You're moving out of my house?

- My mom, she rented a place

- behind my back, yeah.

- She's probably just trying to,

you know, help you not have to

worry about things and, like

Why are you defending her?

You know, not all of us

have people just lining up

- trying to love us, Mags!

- June.

Uh, your hernia patient.

He's come down, his heart rate's racing.

- And he's febrile

- Um

- Can you prep him for Trauma OR?

- Yeah.

Uh, Mags, is she okay?

No.

- Why don't you throw a bag over my head and kidnap me this time?

- Oh, c'mon.

We waited too long and now

he won't get in the chair.

Just relax.

Hartley, look at me.

The situation is serious.

Your hernia's strangulated and

a prolonged lack of blood flow

could cause organ failure or even death.

- So you do need the surgery.

- Not if it means

- I have to go under.

- Babe!

What happened to you

never feeling afraid again?

The drugs you forced on me wore off.

Why would you do that to me? How

could you think that would help?

I don't know. I couldn't

stand seeing you like that!

Oh, so you made it about you, huh?

No! I God, why

couldn't we just do this

when he was feeling good?

Because that would have been a crime.

See Dell, why does literally

everyone understand that except you?

There must be some kind

of medicine we can try.

There isn't! You need to

face this like an adult.

- Get in the chair!

- Della, you can't

Well, I can't watch him die!

Hartley, get in the damn chair!

- Never!

- Let's go!

(SCREAMING)

- June, you need help here?

- Yeah.

He bit me!

She drugged me without my consent!

Alright, both of you

calm down right now.

Great.

Is he dead?

- Nope, just in shock.

- Good.

Can we do the surgery

before he wakes up?

(SIGHING)

The first time it happened

it was with my old chief, Dr. Bishop.

He saw me, he asked me to

go to therapy and it helped.

It hasn't happened in two years.

Okay I'm sure it's not been easy

experiencing that again.

I know, I should've stopped

seeing patients immediately,

but I really thought

I had it under control.

We get that feeling like

the walls are closing in,

sometimes, our instincts

betray us and

create blind spots.

Thank you for telling me.

If there's anything you need

Dr. Devi.

Hear me out about Mags again.

If she was the right person

before, she still will be after.

That's what you said last time, too.

(SIGHING)

(KNOCKING)

Feeling any better?

A little.

Is Mac going to stop trying

to help me after what I said?

Because I don't feel

like that all the time.

No, Owen, definitely not.

But he's never going to

let me drive after this.

- Let me see your phone.

- Why?

Trust me. I'm not going

to read any of your texts.

Do you know about Kids Help Phone?

So in those moments when

you feel out of control

and you need someone to talk to or text,

it is totally anonymous

and someone's always there to respond.

(SIGHING)

My plan was to phase out at 65.

Barely anyone has room

in their practice anymore.

I feel like I'd be abandoning all

those people I've known for so long.

For some, it's not

bad, but kids like Owen,

they're the reason I wanted

to do this kind of work.

Hard to turn your back on a calling.

As long as I'm still

doing more good than harm.

I wrote up a letter for his licence.

- See what you think?

- You saw what happened today.

- If that happened on the road

- There's risks, yeah.

But Owen is thinking about his

future which means he wants to live.

Look, it's your call, Mac.

But I think we should both sign it.

(KNOCKING)

Hey, I got that note about the

statement you wanted me to sign.

Yeah, one of the

weirder incident reports

- I've had to fill.

- Yeah.

- How's our "biter?"

- Uh, apparently,

losing consciousness is a stroke of luck

because we are not

allowed to let you die.

So his hernia's fixed, and

now he's awake and he's happy,

and they are in love again.

(LAUGHING)

What's that hair metal song called?

Uh "Love hurts". Yeah.

Those guys knew.

That was an intense dad

voice you used earlier.

- How's Henry?

- Great.

Yeah? And you?

(SIGHING) You know, it's funny.

You and me were together all

that time and now we're just

passing each other once

in a while in the hall.

I guess that's on me.

I feel really bad

about how I played that.

Actually, about how I've managed to

screw up most of my relationships.

Hey. Ours was on me, too.

No, it wasn't. (CHUCKLE)

So what's supposed to happen next?

They'll be retrieving the

donor heart late tonight.

First thing in the

morning, we'll get going.

- Magalie.

- What if I can't do it?

(SIGHING)

Okay.

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hi, Sam.

- Hi, June.

Just letting you know

that everything's in order,

so green light from our end

if you want to do your IUI tomorrow.

(KNOCKING)

Thanks for not cancelling my surgery.

And for the concerned messages.

I'm glad you're back.

They're coming to shave my head.

What girl says no to that?

Do you have anyone with you?

My brother is on his way.

Hey.

Weird question, but it's

been that kind of day.

What did I say to you

that made you leave?

Made me leave and got me back.

You said it was okay to be scared.

That I just had to let myself

sit with that and really feel it.

And that somewhere, in all of this,

there's a way to find the light.

I'm here, Bash.

Say what you want to say to me.

So many things have happened

to me that were out of my control.

Been thinking about

you bringing us here,

finding us in Crete and

After I got me and my sister stuck

- You wish you hadn't let me?

- No, not at all.

Elliot, you, opened your family to us.

Disappearing from

your life, that was me.

That was me being scared that

I'd never be able to build anything.

Trying to control it and

getting mad when I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

But what I wanted to do was

to thank you for that properly.

And to tell you that we wouldn't be

where we are today without you.