01x02 - The School

[bunniefuu]

Oh my gosh!

- Come here.
- I'm back.

- Sorry.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Oh, Juni!

Oh I've missed you!

Ashley!

It's good to be back at
the casa. Come here.

- Mwah.
- Rael.

Jesus, Tals, did you bring
the whole of Cape Town with you?

There's my girl.

- Hi, Dad!
- Hi, Tals.

- Oh I missed you.
- Same.

And there's my boy.

Yes. Huh?

Guys, it feels so good to be home.

Jessie! Jessie!

Where's Jessie?

Well who's that? That's not Jessie.

This is Mincy.

We call her that because of how
she minces around all day.

Don't you? Don't you?

Show everyone how you mince. Come.
Here we go.

Okay, but where's Jessie?
What happened to Jessie?

- Jessie died about a year ago, Tals.
- What?!

Are you telling me Marc Jacobs
is trapped in Australia,

and now my childhood dog has died?
Why didn't you guys tell me?

Sorry, Tals,
we didn't want you to be traums.

Well I am traumatised.

Darren! Can you take our bags
up to my room, please.

About that, Tals.

What the actual...?

Am I being punked right now?

Come out, Ashton.
Come out wherever you are.

This all happened during lockdown,

Because I was, like, constantly
singing and acting for jayden

On my ipad.

And it hit me,
mich, you are a performer.

A vap'rous drop profound.

I'll catch it! Ere it come to ground.

I actually studied musical theatre
at high school and varsity,

So it's in my bones.

Hey, Sal.
You coming to get me, later?

I'm gonna get so wasted tonight,
man, at Gary's bash.

And speaking of bones, our sex life
has actually been really invigorated.

And les goes nuts when I do fantine
from "les mis", you know?

Especially when i, like, tease my
hair up to look like a peasant.

Now, guys, where are we supposed to
live? I have a small child.

- What about Mikaela's room?
- I'm in there, Tals.

Pharrell has gone to Dubai
for the next two months,

so I also moved home, okay?
And I'm pregnant.

Just relax, Tal. We've already
organised you a stunning room.

Are you actually joking?

Which room am I in?

Howzit, guys? It's me, tali.
How are you?

I'm a joburg girl
living in cape town,

But now i'm moving back home
with the fam.

- Everybody say "Jozi"!
- Jozi!

This is my baby,
this is my childhood home,

And these are my girls.

Now that i'm back
in the city of gold,

I'm inviting you to
follow me on my journey.

This is my life,
and this is my joburg diary.

Hello, Simmy!

Oh!
How are you, my girl?

More like where am I?

- I have moved back to Jozi, babe.
- Oh my God!

It feels so good to be back.

I mean, a lot has changed,

But there's no time to be
down in the dumps about it.

You know, there is a lot to do.

I need to unpack, I need to get
jayden into a good nursery school,

And I have to reconnect
with my old crew.

It is so important.

So get all the girls together.

Which Tasha's are we gonna go to
for lunch?

Our one in
Atholl closed down.

- Oh since when?
- Since ages ago.

- We go to Lula Cafe now.
- Oh.

I knew that.

But send me a pin
'cause I can't remember.

This must be difficult for you,
Darren.

I remember when I was starting
the business

and things weren't going so well.

Of course, I was much younger than
you are now. Much, much younger.

I'm actually so happy
to be here, Les.

- I mean, I can't tell you...
- Really hard with Goldprop

absolutely dead in the water.
No possible chance of recovery.

Retreating to Joburg
under the cover of night.

I mean, the humiliation alone
can shred a man's confidence.

You know, Les,
I'm honestly so happy to be here.

I mean, look at us. Three generations
of Shapiro men under the same roof.

I thought you changed your name
back to Nudelman.

You know, deep down I always
thought of myself as a Shapiro.

- Do you?

Okay, guys, I'm going out.

Bye-bye, my sweetheart.

- Have a wonderful day.
- Bye.

- Oh, and I'm taking the Porsche.
- About that, Tals.

What now?

Are you actually kidding me?

Porsches went into the shop
about six months ago,

and they're still waiting on
the parts, Tals. Shipping crisis.

Why are you doing this to me?!

Look, the clutch sticks a bit,
but she drives like a dream.

Sorry, are you actually
also just telling me

that this is not even an automatic?

Okay, how does it go?
Clutch in, first, second.

No, man, potholes!

Did you hear
Warren got divorced?

- I'm back!
- Oh!

Guys! Oh it is so good
to see you all again.

I've missed you so much, babes.

- Oh, Simmy.
- Oh!

Guys, this feels so good.
It's almost like I never even left.

Babe, what are you doing?
This is Joburg.

Gotta hold onto your stuff.

Sorry, I forget.
Cape Town is so lekker-daisical.

But you know what the main thing is,
guys?

Is that I get to reconnect with you,
with some real friends.

Because, guys, 'cause, you know,
people in Cape Town are so fake!

So fake, so rude,
so cold, so irritating.

- Totally.
- Such hippies.

I don't know how you coped.

- And so cliquey.

- So cliquey.
- Babes, so cliquey.

So cliquey.

What are you guys laughing at?

Just something in the group.

Oh I didn't get a notification.
I didn't see anything on the group.

Oh it's a separate group
for the Joburg girls.

I mean, it doesn't make sense
to have someone on it

who isn't here in Joburg,

'cause it has a lot to do with stuff
happening here in Joburg, you know?

Okay. So you formed a splinter group.

- I mean...
- It's cool.

But just add me,
because I'm in Joburg now.

I mean, sure,
we can as Monique when she gets here.

She's group admin.

- Monique?
- Babes, Monique Silver.

- No.
- Monique Silver. Used to be Fischer.

Monique the beak?

Babes, we don't call her
that anymore.

Sorry, guys, are you...?
You're joking, right?

I mean, she had that nickname
for a reason.

She looked like an actual bird.
Her nose was like a beak.

- It was like the size of a...
- Size of a what?

Hello, Tal.

Long time, babe.

I'm so sorry.
You look extremely different.

Wow.

Darren, when did you learn
to speak "Khosa"?

Xhosa, Les. It's Xhosa.

I taught myself during the lockdown.
I just thought it was time, you know?

Right.

Ooh!

- I know.
- Do you know?

It's almost like I was getting
married,

- but not my wedding.
- Right? Completely.

- Ja, stunning.
- It's just I love the blend.

- It's like...
- Sorry, you have just changed

so much.

Tals, we've all changed since school.

Yes, but you look like
a different person.

I would not recognise you if I walked
past you in the street.

I'm quite shocked, actually.

Well we've all grown up,
we got married, had babies.

- Tons of babies.
- She had her third a month ago.

How stunning?

Three weeks, you know, four days,
and two hours,

but nobody is counting. No one.

- Shut up.
- Ja.

- You look.. You look amazing.
- Oh please, I look like a mess.

You know how it is.
Didn't you just have a baby, Tals?

Jayden will be four in July.

Well we all respond differently,

and the bounce back culture
is so unnecessary.

So where are you thinking of
taking him to nursery school?

Well I've actually been
thinking about

sending him to my old nursery school,
The Red Balloon. So cute.

Aw.

Tals, they've converted that school
into the new ENS building.

- I thought you new, babes.
- Oh.

- I did know. I did.
- Oh good.

What I meant is a nursery school
like my old nursery school. Similar.

- You know?
- Okay, fine. Ja.

I mean, where do your many children
go to school?

She's so funny.

- She's hilarious.
- She's hysterical.

They go to Little Angels in
Hyde Park. It is the best, right?

Very difficult to get into.

I mean, we got Jackson in there
when he was three months.

In utero, obviously.

Okay. Little Angels of Hyde Park.

I'm sure I'll get in,
because I am like a...

With a network that spreads
far and wide.

So all I have to do is just thrum
on one of my silken threads

and I'm sure an opportunity
will present itself.

Well then, insy winsy spider,

I'm sure you'll have
no problem getting in.

Can someone please
explain to me

how Monique the beak turned from this
into this?

Oh my God!
That's some Kylie Jenner sh*t.

I remember that child with the nose.
This is a different person.

That's what I think.

They must've taken bone from the nose

and, like, grafted it
onto her cheeks.

Ja, and they definitely
shaved her jaw.

No, that is a good
old fashioned face lift, Tali.

In the chair, general anaesthetic.

You know, you can have
all the botox you want,

but nothing beats the knife.

And whatever happened to those two?

Oh my God,
horsie mouth and piggy eyes.

Sies, Tali! Sies.

What? I didn't call them that.

I didn't come up with the names,
Juni. That's what they looked like.

Anyway, the bigger problem here,
guys,

is that we need to figure out a way
to get Jayden

into this Little Angels of Hyde Park,
alright?

Apparently it is the only choice,
according to Monique,

who clearly knows quality.

Listen to me,
there is only one thing to do here.

We've gotta get a hold of that
surgeon's number.

- Darren. Darren!
- Hm?

That was the worst night's sleep
of my life.

My bum is on the floor.

This thing is deflated.
Completely deflated.

Ow! Darren!

Okay, so the move to joburg

Has been a little bit more difficult
than I anticipated, to be honest.

I slept pretty well.

I mean, it's quite a special feeling.
I blew up the mattress, you know?

With my own lungs. So we're
essentially sleeping on my breath.

I can't even get into the bathroom.

There's something.. The pool loungers
are stacked up in here.

You know, it's an adjustment.

For one, I cannot train
'cause of the altitude.

My skin is so dry, I could literally
scratch on the word "dry".

Wake up, babe! Wake up! Wake up!

Why don't we do a morning meditation?

I mean, look at my hair.
Flat, static, disgusting.

Luckily, I don't have that problem,
because I eat my skin care.

Tals, I keep on telling you,
whole foods, ketones.

Babe, you don't have that problem
because you are bald

And because you sweat a lot.

I will not sleep in the pool room
anymore, guys. It's torturous!

They can't even hear me because we're
in the bloody arsehole of the house!

You know what? I'm not gonna let any
of this get me down.

This is still my town, and I am here
whether they like it or not.

Who's "they" tals?

Oh they know exactly who they are.

They think they're the queen bee
of johannesburg, they're not. I am.

Well i'm not even a bee.
I'm a spider, darren.

Do spiders eat bees?
Bet you they can.

Anyway, the first step is to get
jayden into that nursery school.

Mrs Shapiro,
as I mentioned on the phone,

we're at total capacity
for this year.

The children who are at
the school now

were signed up when they were still
in the womb. Some even before that.

The thing is,
Jayden is a very special child.

- Show her, Ashley.
- I'm so sure that he is.

- Look.

- Look at this one.
- Lovely.

This was a studio sh**t.
He does modelling.

I'm sure he does, but...

Look at how cute this is.
This was for a campaign.

- A denim campaign.
- Mrs Shapiro,

it really is what it is.

I wish I could help you. I really do.
I'm so sorry.

Oh. Maybe she doesn't recognise me.

I'm Tali.

"Tali's Baby Diary". "Wedding Diary".

Is that a movie? I'm sorry it's just,
unfortunately, I don't watch much TV.

It's a TV series.
Show her the trailer.

- Ah.
- Watch this bit.

Look at Darren, he's such an idiot.

- Look...
- Wait, wait for it.

- OH MY God!
- Oh my God!

OH MY God!
WHAT IS HAPPENING?

What is happening?
That's become quite famous, hey?

I'm sure it has, and I'm sure
your acting is very good,

but we are just full.

So thank you for coming in, it was
lovely to meet you and your daughter.

- Was it Ashley?
- Ashley is my assistant.

I'm not old enough
to be Ashley's mother!

- Oh I'm...
- I'm barely old enough

- to be Jayden's mother.
- I am sorry,

it's just she has such a small frame.

Look, Mrs Bhembe,
I was not gonna mention this,

but my father...

is Les Shapiro.

Is he also an actor?

Les Shapiro, Shapro Property.

The reason the Sandton skyline
exists.

We could be a very big asset to this
school, if you know what I'm saying.

- Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching.
- Mrs Shapiro, don't feel bad.

Just this year alone we had to turn
away the children of Adrian Gore,

Patrice Motsepe, you know?

Your best bet is to get on
the waiting list and...

- La-la-la-la. La-la-la-la-la-la.
- La-la-la-la-la-la.

La-la-la-la.

- Are you done?
- Are you done?

Barbs..
Do you mind if I call you Barbs?

- Well yes, actually I do.
- In a year or two,

Jayden is basically gonna be
a full grown man.

We cannot go on a waiting list,
that's just not an option.

I'm just feeling confused,

because you keep saying a word
that I don't really understand.

- Are you trying to tell me no?
- Yes.

I'm sorry, I'm not following.

Well I'm sorry,
but the answer really is no.

You should try The Gingerbread House
in Parkhurst.

Do you see what I'm dealing
with here, Uncle les?

I mean, who gardens in the rain?

Ja, what happened to him?
He used to be so focused.

Darren's in what's known as
a Covid hole.

His mind is stuck in
level five lockdown.

Basically, he's found meaning in life
outside of work.

Specifically in banana breads.

Ja, well that is just
unacceptable.

Listen, you bring your
forest friend to me,

and I'll talk some sense into him,
okay?

Before he disappears in
that hole forever.

Thanks, Uncle Les.
I think it's exact...

Ooh! Oh f*cking hell!

I mean, Jayden can't go to
school in a gingerbread house.

What the actual?
Don't they know who we are?

What do you think, Jay?
Hat on, hat off?

Hat off. That's beautiful.

Hat on. Definitely hat on.

What is happening right now?
What are you doing?

I'm auditioning for the stage play of
"Shtetl".

I think you might be
losing your mind,

and your hearing too,
for that matter.

Nonsense. Look how Jayden is loving
this theatre environment.

There's so much performance
and creative freedom.

- He is thriving from my...

speech and drama influence. What?

- Michelle?
- What?

That's it. Speech and drama.

Oh you are brilliant.

Okay, good like with
your "Yentl" thingy.

Break legs. Break legs.
Never say good luck.

And to all our new
little angels,

we are so excited to get to know
and to love you

and all of your families this year.

So we have a very exciting day
planned for you,

if I do say so myself.

So please make yourselves at home.
This is your community now.

Mingle, get to...

Excuse me.
Mrs Shapiro, this is a private event.

- This is an orientation.
- I'll just be quick.

Quick, quick, quick.
Hello, everybody.

Sorry, just quickly.

Thank you so much, Mrs Bhembe.

Sorry, just quick. Quick sticks.

Hello, everybody.
My name is Tali Shapiro.

Thank you so much for having me.

Hold this, please, Ashley.

When I first heard

that this school did not have
a speech and drama centre...

I first thought, "Shame."

And then I thought to myself,
"What can I do?"

Therefore, it is my great honour
and privilege

to present you guys with this cheque

to build the Tali Shapiro Centre
for Speech and Drama.

I hope your dad doesn't
find out about this.

It's not a real cheque, Ashley. Okay.

Here we go.
It's nice with the balloons.

- Everyone, say "Tali!"
- Tali!

Les, is that what
I think it is?

It was a gift from Madiba.

He told me if ever I ran into
money trouble,

I could probably sell that for
a fortune one day in the future.

- Money trouble.
- Ja, he had a great sense of humour.

Huh.

Darren, do you realise
your life is in crisis?

Excuse me?

What are you planning
for the future, Darren?

Les, I don't live in the future
anymore. I live in the present.

Oh well that is wonderful, and how
are you gonna pay for things, huh?

Like your family's food
and your son's education?

We have everything we need.

To be honest,
we have more than we need.

So what are you asking for here,
Darren?

Absolutely nothing. You've given me
more than I could ever dream of.

Ja, a lot of money.

No, you've given me Tali.

Oh okay, so you're gonna drag
my daughter into it.

You're gonna play hardball.

What if I give you guys
some floor space at Shapro

just to get Goldprop up
and running again?

That would be great.
Thank you, Uncle Les.

Thanks, Les, but no thanks.

I think what my learned friend
is trying to say

is that we will work on Goldprop
at Shapro.

Goldprop will return
when the time's right.

Okay, well then what about
a job at Shapro

just to tied you over
until you guys...

- No, thanks.
- That would be amazing.

- Les, is this a Japanese maple?
- What is happening?

Okay, fine. Senior management
and a position on the board,

but that is my final offer, Darren.

- Les, I really appreciate...
- Sold, to both of us.

Thank you, Uncle Les, we will not
let you down and you won't regret it.

Come, Das, let's go. Let's go
and check the jacarandas, boy.

Outside, to your left. Thank you.

Mrs Shapiro, I don't like to do this,

but if you return to the school
uninvited again,

I will consider it trespassing.

You know what?
This is actually very disrespectful.

- And in fact, offer revoked.

- Oh.
- Ashley, give me that.

Okay, well it won't tear.

And, Mrs Shapiro, be sure to take
your cheque with you, hm?

Ashley! Pick it up, please!

And go and get the car.

Tals, is everything okay?

You know what, Monique? Save it.
You don't need to gloat

with your perfect face and your
perfect little school, alright?

Tals, I'm not gloating.
I actually can help you with this.

Thank you, but I honestly don't think
there's anything you can do.

No, there is. My hubby, Garren,
is a big donor,

and he's also chairman
of the school board.

So let's just say I've got some pull.

- Let me see what I can do, okay?

Okay.

Barbs, it's me.

Yes. So I was just
wondering about Jayden Shapiro.

You know, I think maybe he'll be
a great addition.

Complete whole family.
What do you think?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Mm!

Oh that'll be great. Thank you.

- Well what did she say?
- See for yourself.

- Oh.

- Hello.
- Mrs Shapiro,

we would love to officially welcome
Jayden to Little Angels.

What?! Oh my God, wow!

We do believe in
second chances,

so we will see you bright and early
Monday morning?

- Thank you so much!
- You're welcome.

See you then.

- Welcome to Little Angels, Tals.
- Wow.

- Just wanna know one thing.
- Yeah?

- How.
- Oh no, Barbs and I are just tight.

No, no, no, your face,
your transformation.

Well you know, Tals, I just
look after myself, yeah?

And a little bit of botox, kind of,
helps here and there, you know?

You should really get some.
It could wipe out those laugh lines,

and the crow's feet.

- Hi.
- Hello, is this...? Is this you?

- No!
- Oh.

She's lost..
Must be lost or something.

Hello, little girl, are you lost?

Ashley, get the f*ck out of here,
please. Drive, drive, drive.

- Oh shame.
- Shame, she's lost.

Well I'll see you around, Tals,
and welcome again, hey?

Cheers.

Ashley, can you come back and get me,
please?