01x03 - The Class mom

[bunniefuu]

- Okay, go.
- One, two, three, four...

We play a lot of games
in this family,

But the one thing we play the most
is hide and seek.

-Found you.
-He's so good at this.

He is extremely advanced.
He can find anyone anywhere.

-Found you.
- You found me.

Well, I mean, no anyone.

I was actually taught
how to hide by my sensei

Back in my karate days.

Taught us to hide in extreme places
so as to avoid enemy detection.

Jayden. Jayden!

Darren, I've lost Jayden.

Oh I found you! Oh I got a fright.
Oh Mommy got a fright.

Howzit, guys? It's me, tali.
How are you?

I'm a joburg girl
living in cape town,

But now i'm moving back home
with the fam.

-Everybody say "Jozi"!
- Jozi!

This is my baby,
this is my childhood home,

And these are my girls.

Now that i'm back
in the city of gold,

I'm inviting you to
follow me on my journey.

This is my life,
and this is my joburg diary.

- Tali!
-Hello.

- Howzit?
- Hello, everybody.

Oh, Monique, I just wanted to say

I will never forget the kindness
you have shown Jayden and I.

Aw, it's the least I could do
for an old friend.

Ladies, this is Tali and her
gorgeous little munchkin Jayden.

-Hi, guys.
-And what's your assistant's name?

-Oh this is Ashley. Speak up, Ashley.
- Ashley.

Oh this is my assistant,
Stacey. I'd be lost without her.

- Hi, Tali. Hi, Ashley.
-Hi.

So, ladies,
Tali, Jayden, and Ashley

-are gonna be joining our community.
- Oh.

So let's welcome them
and make her feel at home.

- Hi.
-Hi, guys.

Come in for hugs.

Now that jayden's future
network has been guaranteed

I can finally relax.

Oh it feels so good to be in joburg,
growing a new circle of friends.

Nthabi, we are gonna be great
friends, I can just feel it.

A better circle.

Because honestly, guys,
i'm a public figure.

I'm a celebrity.

What is this now?

It's a tradition of ours.
I find it really keeps the focus.

Oh okay. Quite new-agey, but anyway.

Ashley,
just go with it.

- Good morning, parents.
- Good morning, Mrs B.

Now as you know,
our beloved class mom Leanne

-has emigrated to Australia.
-Lucky.

So I'll be running
the Whatsapp group

until everything's sorted
with the hand over, okay?

-Yes.
-What is class mom?

Wow, Tals,
you really are new to this.

Class mom is a mom at the school

that tends to the needs of the kids
as a group.

Yes, and runs fundraising programmes.

Liaises with parents.

Forms the vital link through which
all communication must flow.

Okay, so like head girl,
but head mom.

Something like that.

And onto the bake sale
next week...

Wow.
Now this is an empire, Darren.

Are you sure you don't wanna change
your shirt? Last chance.

Too late.

Morning, Uncle Les.

Interesting choice of outfit
for the first day of work, Darren.

Comfort breeds creativity,
breeds results.

In my experience,
fear and pressure breed results.

What do I know?

Nice man bag.

Did I ever think i'd be
an employee of shapro?

Hell no. I thought darren and i
would build our own shapro.

But business is a voyage
of discovery,

And sometimes you'll be rowing
along in your little rowboat,

And all of a sudden
a mega yacht cruises by

And throws you a rope ladder,

And when that happens you grab
that rope ladder with both hands.

Unless, of course, your other hand

Is attached to your
hippie shipmate darren.

Then it's a slightly different story.

-Mons, hello. Hi, guys.
-Hello.

Sorry, can I just steal your
leader for a minute?

-She's so funny, hey?
-Cheers, guys.

-Ja, Tals, what's up?
-Oh nothing.

I just thought we could, you know,
set up a playdate for the kids,

chat about class mom or whatever.

Hm. Oh you're thinking of running
for class mom?

No, I could never, unless you think
they need someone with my expertise?

It's a very important role.

Well you should be class mom,
obviously.

Tals, you're so sweet.

It's just.. it's so hectic with
a new-born at the moment.

-You know exactly how it is.
-No, I do. I do.

-They take over your life.
-Full on.

I mean, if we didn't have staff
I don't know what I would do.

Hm.

Actually, you should definitely run
for class mom.

-Do you think so?
-Yes! Absolutely.

All you have to do is, you know,
make a presentation

about your skills,
and your qualities,

and maybe some goals that you have
for Little Angels of Hyde Park.

-Okay, I think I could do that.

I mean, I'll think about it.

Tali! Howzit?
I heard you were back in town.

Garren. Garren Silva.

Oh sorry, I didn't..
I did not recognise you.

-You just look so much more--
-Don't tell me, taller.

I was gonna say more..
you've just got a lot more.. hair.

No offence, but the last time I saw
you when we were, like, 16,

you were completely bald.

And you were, sorry to say it,
but a big nerd.

Well this nerd made a lot of money.
Like, a f*ck ton.

Ja, enough to make
all his hair grow back.

-Hey, baby? Aw.
-Aw, babe.

- Mmm.

Mmm.

-Hey, babe, let's hit it.
- Mm.

-Got an expo in 30.
-Ja.

-Okay, bye, Tals.
-Bye.

Oh don't forget what I said.
Class mom.

How much are they prepared
to come down on asking?

They say they won't budge.

In this market? Fine.
Let them put a chain around it.

See how long they last before
they bleed out. Pull the offer.

Why don't we meet their price,
flush out the other bids,

walk them all the way
to the finish line,

-and then screw them on the lease?
- Mm.

Wakey, wakey, Darren.

Sorry, Les, I was just taking a
moment, but I was listening.

Oh good.
Will you care to enlighten us?

I just think there needs to
be more empathy and kindness

in this negotiation.

-Empathy and kindess?
-You know, love.

We tell them how much we'd love
to do this deal,

but we've made the offer
that we think is fair.

Yeah, and we all strip naked
and take magic mushrooms.

My kind of party.

Well you heard him.
Boy says we need more love.

- Is he joking?
-Les Shapiro never jokes.

What the hell was that,
Darren?!

You were meditating in our first
Shapro board meeting.

I know. I've never felt so present.

Okay, I understand that the last
couple of years have been difficult

being stuck in a Covid hole,

but I need you to please come to
the surface,

because property happens
on the surface, Darren.

Really not in a Covid hole.

You are wearing
a tie-dye t-shirt

and you just spoke about bringing
love into a contested sale.

This is property, my friend,
not AfrikaBurn.

-What's that look now?
-I love you, Rael.

Ag, no, Darren, please. Not here of
all places in the men's bathrooms.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, because being here at Shapro
is important for us, for Goldprop.

-Ja, for Goldprop.
-Okay.

So let's get out there and get
a couple black americanos

from the state-of-the-art
coffee machine.

I'll take a mint tea.

Of course you will.
I'm sure they make those too.

Health and safety,
just a small notice here,

we are a nut aware school.

Macadamia nuts, cashew nuts,
peanut butter,

peanuts, and also certain seeds
which I'll email you about.

So please, please, please,
just be vigilant.

Thank you, Margie.

-Good morning, parents.
- Good morning, Mrs B.

Guys, class mom! We all know
how important this role is.

Leanne did such a great job
of making sure every...

Mrs B, I think I'm just
gonna jump right on in here.

- Okay.

-Okay.
- Thank you, guys.

Thank you all so much
for being here today.

-In a few moments...

I will present to you the
reason why I, Tali Shapiro,

should be voted as
your class super mom.

I have lots of qualities that make
me a perfect fit for class mom.

My PR know-how,
my swiftness in a Whatsapp group,

my phone is literally on me 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week,

my ability to disseminate information
in a concise manner.

I am also incredibly dynamic,

and famously pivoted from being
an influencer to a mom-fluencer

in a matter of hours.

Over the years, I have been called
compassionate, determined,

popular, responsible,
and most of all a great mother.

Which is why you should vote for me
as your...

class mom.

Thank you, Ashley.
Please hand out the badges.

Wow, Tali. Wow.

Thank you for your incredible
presentation

and congratulations
on all your achievements...

-Thank you.
-but I do think

there's been a little
misunderstanding here.

-Class mom has already been chosen.
-What? Who?

Well Monique, of course.

It was all decided last week
after Leanne left.

-Over to you, class mom.
- Thank you.

Well, moms, honestly, I don't wanna
take up too much of your time,

because that just takes time away
from our real focus,

which is our children.

Honestly, I'm very, very honoured.
Thank you.

And I take this role very seriously,

and I look forward to keeping in
touch with every single one of you.

So now my first actions as class mom
is to relieve Nthabiseng

of her duties as school
newsletter editor...

Thank God.

and re-assign them to Tali Shapiro.

We can all see how
enthusiastic she is

about getting involved
with the school,

and what better way to start
than with that newsletter?

We'll get you the Mailchimp password,
Tals. Let's give her some love.

Thabo, Jason, what happened to
your difficult tenants being overdue?

Well we didn't wanna get
Legal involved,

so we took Darren's advice,
like you said, Mr Shapiro,

and we introduced some love
into the negotiations.

When did I say take Darren's advice?

Well you said,
"What are we waiting for?"

And that we needed some more love,
or something.

-It was a joke.
-Les always jokes.

Where did you get these croissants
from, by the way?

They're beautiful. And this coffee.

So don't tell me
you let them off the hook.

Actually, we...

Well they just said they really
appreciate the generosity

-and that they'll give us the money.
-And you believed them?

Ja, well they paid.

Ja, they advanced us
six months' rent.

Well, well, well.

Looks like Darren's
hippy-dippy sh*t worked.

But put on a better shirt,
for goodness sake.

-Hi, Monique.

Tals.

Why the hell did you set me up?

Set you up? Tals, no.

Babe, I would never,
ever do that to you.

No, I found out minutes before
the meeting that I was class mom.

-Is that so?
-Really. Mm.

And your presentation was gorgeous.

So many things I didn't know
about you.

So multifaceted, Tali Shapiro.

Oh there's someone you have to meet.

And you are going to love her.

Follow me.

-Hello, Liz.
- Hello.

Tals, this is Liz.

She's our receptionist
and queen of admin.

Liz, this is Tali Shapiro.

She's actually volunteered to
run our newsletter for us.

- Really?
-Yes.

Tali? Hello.
Very, very nice to meet you. Hi.

-Always with the pilchards.

-Oh you know me.

Oh you've got a picture of Monique's
family stuck up on your desk.

I do, ja.
Look at them, they are stunning.

- Aw.
-You are beautiful, but he...

Have you met him? He is a specimen.

What I would do to Garren
if I only had half a chance.

He's short, but he's stocky,
and I just love it.

He looks like, you know,
you could really climb him.

- Mm.
-Can I borrow him? Hey?

-Well...
- Just for, like, one day.

Well maybe
ten minutes.

-Ten? No, I'd need longer than...
- Oh really?

-No.

Tals, Liz is gonna set you up
with everything that you need.

And you two are gonna have a blast.

We're gonna have such a good time.
Don't worry about it.

Look at her,
she's so much fun.

Come. I'll show you.

First thing's first,
I'm gonna need to familiarise you

with our filing system,
which is over here.

Look at you two. Ah.
I'm actually a little jelly.

Oh I wish I could stay.

No, but you must.

-I wish I could.
-No, stay!

-I'll come back, I'll come back.
- Okay. Alright.

- Have fun!
- She'll come back.

-Please don't touch.

Oh sorry. Boundaries. Ja.

It's just helluva fishy in here.

Have you used computers before?

Not a computer like that.

Mmm.
Magical hands you have there, bru.

-Beautiful coffee.
- Thank you.

How are you gonna
have empathy for the man

if you've never lived
in his property?

That's what I'm saying, dude!

Dude, and you know what
I just realised?

-What?
-Darren is always facing north.

Dude, he's literally
a north-facing man!

What?

- And now they're using it.
-What the hell?

Sorry, excuse me.
What exactly is going on here?

We're waiting to speak
to Darren.

-Darren, hi. Uh.. What's happening?
-Rael.

We were just talking.
No hippy-dippy sh*t, I promise.

But I could really do with your help,
actually.

You speak no further.

Right, ladies and gents, please,

if you wanna speak
to Darren Nudelman,

form a nice, straight line
in a orderly fashion

and wait your turn.

Who's next?

Great.

Two minutes? Two minutes.

Thanks for your patience, everyone.

I have been completely screwed over
by Monique the Beak.

She just swooped in, out of nowhere,
like a vicious hadeda.

Such a sh*t bird.

And now I'm in charge
of this rachmones newsletter?

No, I'm sorry, it is hideous.

And if I have to spend one
more minute with Liz

in her pilchardy little office,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Tal, this is so unlike you,
okay?

You can turn anything into gold.

Mikaela, this is beneath me.
Trust me.

Tal, words have power.
Lots of power.

How many people are in
Monique's WhatsApp group?

-I don't know, like, 16 or something.
- Okay.

And how many people
receive the newsletter?

About a hundred.

It's like you're the minister
of information.

-Huh.
- Mm.

Leon, Commercial Prop.

The seller won't give us
sole mandate.

-What do we do?
-Forget sole mandate

and get soul mandate.

As in spirit. You know, shumba.
You follow?

You follow?

Okay, you can tap here.
Cheque or savings?

How can I help you today?

Xoliswa, Prop Finance.

We have a blue-chip borrower
who's on the brink of defaulting.

-Do we repossess?
-No.

You re-give them another chance.

Allow them to be the best borrowers
that they can be.

You can just tap your
blue chip over there.

We're looking at a block
with tons of potential,

but significant negative equity.

Do we make an offer?

You know, there's an old saying
in property.

Lie down with dogs,
get up with fleas.

But what happens if you lie down
with dogs and get up with friends?

-I like friends.
- Okay, Debbie.

That's all we got time for.
You can tap right there.

Okay.

Thank you.

We made about 10K today, Daz.

Talk about a side hustle.

-Tal!
-Oh, Monique!

Shame, how's the pilchards going?

Going well, thanks,
because I love pilchards.

-They're actually my favourite fish.
- Oh good.

Oh Liz never takes leave, by the way.

-Or a sick day.
-Ja.

So don't expect to get
the office to yourself.

It's better for me
because we'd be lost without her.

We would, we would.
Have a lovely day.

Mm. I think it's very exciting.

It's your very first newsletter.

-So exciting.
-It is.

So when I send,
I like to play a little game.

-Do you wanna play a little game?
-Sure.

Okay, when we click send,
we're gonna shriek together, okay?

-I'll count us in. You wanna play?
-Okay.

-Okay.
-Okay. Finger on the button.

And then we go, five, four,
three, two, one.

Yeah!

Okay.

Oh you got into that time.
You did. I noticed.

High-five. Come, come.

-Wow.

Okay. You know what, Liz?
Let's take a breath.

-Let's just...
-Ja, let's.

I have been, um...

I have been thinking
about this newsletter.

-It is stunning, by the way.
-I know.

But maybe we should
just shake things up a bit.

You know, think about it,
why does it need to be just text?

All the information we consume now,
it's video.

Maybe we need to just push it

-into the 21st century.
-We'd have to run that

-by Monique first though, hey?
-No, no, no.

Think about how surprised
and delighted she'll be.

What Monique says goes, and besides,

I don't think we need to fix
something that isn't...

broken.

No, well we do. We do, Liz.

Because that's called progress, okay?

Do you think I wait for my iPhone
to break before I get an upgrade?

Absolutely not. I just pay a bit
of extra and I get the upgrade.

Huh.. No. No! We're not changing
the newsletter, Tali!

Okay. Okay.

-Yep. You know what? Let's...
-Okay. Okay. Good. Yes. Ja, let's.

-just pick this up another day.
-Mm, mm.

Although, Liz,

Monique tells me you've never
even taken a day of sick leave.

No, I have not.

I have accumulated 285 days of leave.

I did have to go to my mother's
funeral once in 2008,

but apart from that, nothing.

Hm.

It just sounds to me like you
could really use a holiday.

-Um...
-Enter.

Is Darren in?

He's meditating.

But maybe I can get us going.

Have a seat.
What's on your boys' minds?

Sure. Um...

We have a very difficult tenant
that is refusing to vacate,

and we thought we'd introduce a bit
of love into the conversation,

but this tenant seems to have
taken advantage of the love,

-so...
- Mm.

Love cannot be taken advantage of.

Unless the person in question is
a takey-advantagey kind of person.

Those people are the worst.

You are paying via EFT, correct?

Um...

No, I think the issue
that we're having

is that the tenants won't vacate,
right?

And we wanna avoid a court order,
so we thought, you know,

-we'd come to you, get your advice.
-You know what?

When Darren and I were young bucks,
like you guys,

we used to just go in there,
change the locks on a tenant.

-Whoa!
-No. No, wait--

But it was different back then.
Very dog-eat-dog.

Nowadays, people will call you crazy
if you did that.

Are you saying that
we should change the locks?

Of course not.
That would be a terrible idea!

But sometimes a terrible idea
can change the world.

You are gonna have
the most wonderful time.

Really, enjoy it.

-Bye, Liz. Bye.
-Look.

Oh there's Monique. Wave.

Oh my God. What the..?

- Okay.
- Have a wonderful time.

Bon voyage, Liz. Bon voy-age.

What the hell is going on here, Tali?

I am sending dear, dear Liz
on the trip of a lifetime.

Thank God you told me she has
never had a holiday. Shame!

She is going on a six-month cruise
of the sea or something.

This is absurd, Tali.

Turns out my dad had a ton
of Investec points

that were just going to waste.

They came in really handy
when I needed to book

a last-minute trip impulsively.

Anyway.. Don't look so stressed.

We're gonna be just fine without her.

What the hell is going on?

I just heard two of my most promising
juniors changed a tenant's locks,

and now Shapro's facing a lawsuit.

Something to do with "terrible ideas
that change the world"? Huh?

Well that terrible idea
got them fired.

Look, Les, we're terribly sorry--

I'll take that as an admission
of guilt. You're fired.

Uncle Les, am I also fired?

Evil flourishes when good men
do nothing, Rael.

You did nothing,
and you too are fired.

That's the universe for you.

Now that we have flushed her
out of the system,

I am planning a major
admin office reno.

Liz?

Uh.. What the actual f*ck
are you doing here?

Tali, I made a little decision

that it was actually a terrible idea
to go on holiday

-during the term time.
-No, no, no, no, no.

You see, it's not a terrible idea.

-It is a wonderful idea.
- No, no, no, no.

-It is the best idea.
-No, it's a bad idea.

So I'm gonna go on the cruise,
but I'll go in December

when everyone is on holiday.

'Kay? It was Monique
who pointed it out to me

that the points are actually
very convenient

when you need to change your trip
impulsively, which is what we did.

-Is that so?
-Ja. Ja, I couldn't have done it

without her.

You know, she is a wonderful,
wonderful person.

Mm-hm.

I'm really starting to see that.