01x08 - The WhatsApp Group

[bunniefuu]

(TALI) Alright, Chantal,
using three words only,

tell me why you think your recipe
book should feature in my newsletter.

- (CHANTAL) Stupendous.
- (TALI) Mm-hm.

- Deliciosa.
- (TALI) Mm-hm.

And

fibrous.

Hm. You see, it's not gonna work,

because one of those words was not
even an English word, so

sorry, babes.

(TALI) THE NEWSLETTER IS ON FIRE.
EVERYBODY LOVES IT.

I HAVE GOT MOMS OUT THE DOOR PITCHING
THEIR BUSINESSES TO ME.

THEY ALL WANNA FEATURE.

- (RUSHIDA) Robin.
- (TALI) Mm.

(RUSHIDA) Guy. How cute is it?

- Bella.
- (TALI) Oh lovely.

(NTHABISENG) I was hoping that you
would help promote my new business.

(TALI) THE PROBLEM IS SOME OF THESE
MOMS HAVE LOST TOUCH, TO BE HONEST.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COOL.

All-natural essential oils
for your office.

- Doesn't that just smell fresh?
- Ooh. (COUGHING)

(TALI) THE TALI SHAPIRO
NEWSLETTER IS PREMIUM.

I'M NOT GONNA PROMOTE YOUR
FUNNY LITTLE KNITTED ANIMALS.

I'M SORRY. THEY'RE sh*t.

Kieran.

- Donna. Troy.
- (TALI) Yes.

"Date and walnut loaf."

Ja, well you see,
the nut-aware school.

We can't advertise a cookbook that's
full of nuts. I'm sorry.

(TALI) I have told
you a hundred times,

you have to submit
through the portal.

- (RUSHIDA) Okay.
- That way, my assistant

- can schedule accordingly.
- Okay.

- But who's your assistant?
- Stacey.

- (STACEY) Hi.
- (RUSHIDA) Hey.

Do you have a
Stacey bracelet in there?

THIS IS MY NEW ASSISTANT, STACEY.

IT'S MONIQUE'S EX-ASSISTANT.

LOOK, SHE'S GOT A LONG WAY TO GO,
BUT SHE'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.

IT'S VERY FUN TO WORK FOR TALI.

SHE DOESN'T LET ME HAVE AS MANY
TOILET BREAKS AS I NEED, BUT...

I'M LEARNING TO KEEP IT IN.

AND SO YOU SHOULD.

I'VE BEEN BURNT BADLY, STACEY.
MY WHOLE BODY IS SINGED...

BECAUSE OF WHAT ASHLEY DID TO ME.

AND IT'S GONNA TAKE ME A
LONG TIME TO TRUST AGAIN.

WE'LL GET THERE. WE'LL GET THERE.

(TALI) HOWZIT, GUYS? IT'S ME, TALI.
HOW ARE YOU?

I'M A JOBURG GIRL
LIVING IN CAPE TOWN,

BUT NOW I'M MOVING BACK HOME
WITH THE FAM.

- Everybody say "Jozi"!
- (ALL) Jozi!

(TALI) THIS IS MY BABY,
THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD HOME,

AND THESE ARE MY GIRLS.

NOW THAT I'M BACK
IN THE CITY OF GOLD,

I'M INVITING YOU TO
FOLLOW ME ON MY JOURNEY.

THIS IS MY LIFE,
AND THIS IS MY JOBURG DIARY.

(UPBEAT MUSIC OVER CELLPHONE)

- (WOMEN LAUGHING)
- (CAR ALARM CHIRPING)

Oh my G**. Did you see this, baby?

- She's crazy.
- (MONIQUE) Hello, girls. Hi.

- Hi.
- (MONIQUE) Hi. What's going on?

Tali is doing these
hysterical lip sync videos,

and now Stacey's doing them with her,
and it's even better.

- Oh let's see. let's see. Oh.
- (UPBEAT MUSIC OVER CELLPHONE)

Isn't that hysterical?

Ja, it's very funny.
It's very funny. So...

It's very funny. (CHUCKLING)
Let's go, baby. Come.

- Go back, go back.
- Sure.

Yes.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

What is going on here?

(MOTHER) We're waiting for Tali.
Get in line, Mon.

(LYLE) And the core concept is,
you know, partial carbonation.

- Straight from the valley.
- (STACEY) Hello there.

Do you have an appointment
to see Mrs Shapiro?

Do me a favour.

(LYLE) Hand to bottle,
it'll be a great...

(MONIQUE) Lylie.. (CHUCKLING)
do you mind giving us the room?

I've got a really important matter
I need to discuss with Tali.

- (LYLE) Ja, I was just...
- (MONIQUE) Now. Now.

- Okay. I'll...
- (TALI) Thank you very much, Lyle.

- I love your concept.
- Thanks.

- I'll just leave these right here.
- (MONIQUE) Bye.

- (LYLE) Bye.
- (MONIQUE CHUCKLING)

- Tali, this is an absolute circus.
- Maybe so.

But what do you think of this for the
upcoming newsletter, front page?

(SCOFFING) I think you are very good
at using drama to your advantage.

Well done. I know Jayden had lice.

I can't prove it now, Tali,
but when I do, the entire school...

This was our other option.

(STACEY CHUCKLING)

(TALI) I'd love your input.

(MONIQUE) Tali,
I actually came here in peace.

I swear, ask Ashley.

I think we should join forces

and wish Barbara
a proper farewell together.

Why? Where's she going?

(MONIQUE) Oh. I would think
the minister of information

would be on top of this.

Barbara's retiring this month.

- What?
- (MONIQUE) Mm.

(TALI) Well why didn't she
say anything to me?

(MONIQUE) Well you know how
private she really is,

and maybe she was waiting for the
right time to tell you.

So why don't we just put all
our petty differences aside

and coordinate a
nice farewell gift together

and a mention in the newsletter?
And I won't get involved in that,

because I know you're gonna knock
that one out of the park.

You're right, I will, because,
honestly, anything for Barbara.

Yes. It's gonna be such a nice
surprise from both of us.

Thank you, Tals.

Next mom, please.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

- (JARED) I'M JARED SELEIBOWITZ.
- (MARC) I'M MARC SELEIBOWITZ.

(BOTH) AND THIS IS CAPE TOWN COMM.

(RAEL) How these okes?
They steal everything we do.

First Woolies to Woodstock, and now
they've got their own reality show.

Unbelievable.

Hey. You shaved your beard.

- What got into you?
- (DARREN) Goldprop got into me.

(DARREN) SO AT JAY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY,
I ALMOST DROWNED TO DEATH,

AND I HAD A FLASHBACK.

AND IN THE FLASHBACK,
I WAS ABOUT JAY'S AGE.

AND I REMEMBERED I PACKED UP SOME
PLASTIC TOOLS AND I LEFT THE HOUSE.

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,
MY PARENTS WERE FRANTIC,

AND THEY SEARCHED THE
WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD FOR ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHERE
THEY EVENTUALLY FOUND ME?

IN A BUILDING SITE DOWN THE ROAD.
I WAS LAYING BRICK.

AND THAT WAS WHEN MY LOVE OF
PROPERTY WAS FIRST BORN.

AND GUESS WHAT.

IT NEVER LEFT.

(DARREN) What's gotten into you,
Rael?

I didn't even know
you owned a tracksuit.

And your hair. I've never seen
it looking so.. sh*t.

(RAEL) Look at these buffoons.
Absolutely clueless.

I mean, they'll literally give anyone
a reality show these days.

- Rael...
- Hey.

Snap out of it.

We need you back in the hustle, boy.

I'm all hustled out, Daz.

Now please, just leave me alone

and let me watch other people
have a property career.

No. Uh-uh-uh.
I thought you might say that.

Which is why I found the perfect
thing to distract you.

Look what I found in the
cupboard underneath the stairs.

Ja.

(COMICAL MUSIC)

(TALI) LEADER, TEACHER,
BUT MAINLY OUR FRIEND.

FAREWELL, MRS B.
WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH.

(BARBARA) The whole
community thinks I'm dead.

Why would they think that?
You're not dead.

Because you have me as an angel
ascending up to Heaven.

Oh yes. Okay, yes, I can see how that
could have been misconstrued.

- Okay.
- My inbox is flooded.

You have caused a complete panic.

Someone posted a video of some of the
kids singing "Candle in the Wind".

Beautiful song.

Okay, I can see what's happened here.

You see,
Monique told me you were retiring.

That was supposed to be, like,
a bon voyage tribute video.

This whole newsletter thing,
it's gone too far.

And I've had several complaints
that it's too branded,

it's too commercial.
There's too much going on.

Parents can't even find
the information in it

- because of all the TikToks.
- I thought you loved the TikToks.

Pack your bags and
get out of that office.

- Okay, look, Mrs Bhembe, please...
- Out!

Okay, I know, we can tone it down.

- Tone it ri...
- Out!

(DARREN) I'm gonna be the Rolls.
Which piece do you wanna be?

I don't care, 'cause I'm not playing.
Now please just keep your voice down.

I really wanna find out what happens
between Travis and Khloe.

Okay, cool, well I'll just give
you this one then.

Did you seriously just try
give me the boot?

You said you didn't care,
and the boot's an honourable piece.

There is nothing
honourable about a boot.

You could have at least
given me the ship.

What's a boot doing
in this game anyway?

You know what? You're right.
I'm sorry, and ship it is.

Thank you.

Let's rock and Rael.

Kablow.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(TALI) Well this is a bit dramatic,
don't you think?

(STACEY) Very much so.

I am going to destroy her, Stacey.

But unfortunately, our time is done.
Because the newsletter's over.

- It was fun while it lasted.
- Are you firing me?

I'm afraid so. It was always just
a trial period, Stacey.

Well if there's anyone who knows how
to destroy Monique, it's me.

I've seen things.

What sort of things?

Okay. Fine.

The trial period is extended.

Wipe that smile off your face.

- Come on, hurry up, Stacey. Move it.
- Okay, okay, okay.

There's a lot of work to be done.

- (DARREN) Two, three, four...
- (RAEL) Please be Maitland. Yes.

- (DARREN) five.. no.. six...
- (RAEL) Thank you.

That's the Rael Radisson right there,
baby.

Pay up, please. I own this town.

Rael, I don't have any more money,
bru. I'm sold out.

How about this?
I'll give you 2K for the Rolls.

- I mean, I can't really argue, can I?
- No, you can't.

- Okay, well.. Thank you.
- There you go. Good luck.

- And may the force be with you.
- What do I play with now?

Body parts, boy. Start with a finger.

Keep that finger on the board, boy.
And Rael Rosen.

I'll give you 400 to make me
a cup of tea.

- You're being ridiculous now.
- Okay, fine.

100.

- Rael, is it not your turn?
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Ja, no, it is.
Just gonna pop that on the group.

I'm out, okay?
I'm getting a spasm in my neck.

No, no, no, please, please. One more.

- Five.
- One, two, three, four, five.

- Where's that?
- That's Eloff Street.

I think you're dead in the water now,
boy.

Rael, I'm out. You've bankrupted me.
I've got nothing left to sell.

- Hey, thank you for reminding me.
- Reminding you of what?

Of my love for property.

Now what do you say we take this game
off the board and onto the streets?

Which street?

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

- It's even better in real life.
- I mean, there's so much history.

You see, if you spend
too much time indoors,

you lose the taste of the
brick and the mortar.

(GRUNTING) Rael, what is that smell?

That is the smell of property,
my dear friend.

No, no, actually,
I think it's human faeces.

- Rael...
- What?

We're here, boy. This is it.
This is Eloff Street. This is real.

- Feel it, boy, feel it.
- (DARREN) Do

(SIRENS WAILING)
Do you think it's safe?

Oh ja, no. I think we should probably
go and check out somewhere else, Daz.

There's just as
much history in Sandton.

- Let's go. Off we go.
- Ja, let's...

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

Hi, guys. We are gathered here today
to figure out a way

to destroy the rot that is
Monique the Beak Silva.

(TARYN) Tal... (GRUNTING)

Tali, may I just say, before we start
plotting the demise of Monique,

I am very happy to
be your assistant again.

I even got this necklace.

As far as I'm concerned,
Tali only had one assistant. Me.

Stacey,
who brought you into la familia?

- Do not bite the hand that feeds.
- I will bite whatever I want to.

- Stacey...
- Guys! Whoa. Okay, relax.

My one and only forever assistant
Ashley is dead to me,

and there will never be another.

So just get that into your heads.
Sit down, please.

(MIKAELA) Please, guys,
we need to focus.

(TALI) We do. Okay.

(MIKAELA) How are we gonna take her
down? Ideas. Let's go.

Kidnap her, drive her out of town.

There's, like, a lot of fields in
the area, nature reserves.

There's a lot of fertile soil,
good for burying bodies.

Well we could take her to Krugersdorp
and leave her with the satanic lady

who murders people
for their insurance money.

(TARYN) Yes, Stacey,
love your thinking. Very dark.

- Like you more now. Dark.
- Guys! Reign it in.

I'm thinking more along the
lines of embarrassing her,

not committing an actual crime, okay?

- Well you did not specify.
- Ja.

We are not criminals, Taryn.

Come on.

Okay. Stacey,
you must have some dirt on her.

Oh, oh she loves
sending nudes to Garren.

- There's, like, a ton on her phone.
- (TALI GASPING) You see?

Now that's the kind of juicy
information that we can use.

But what do we do with them?

(TARYN) Well what if one of the
nudes was to "accidentally"

get sent to the wrong WhatsApp group?

Especially a group that
she holds so dear.

- (ALL) The class mom group.
- Yes, guys!

But how do we get the photo from her
phone onto the group?

I know a Russian guy who
owes me a favour.

- (STACEY) Hm.
- Like, big time.

We still need to access her phone.
And how do we separate her from it?

Nah, it's always on her.

Except for when it's
in the phone bowl!

So you excuse yourself,
you steal the phone,

you go to the bathroom,
and you post the pic.

(STACEY) But hang on.
It shouldn't be you, Tali.

- You need to have deniability.
- You're right, Stacey.

It is too obvious.

I'll do it.
That b*tch'll never see me coming.

No. It has to be me. It's personal.

- Fine.
- Okay, guys.

There are a lot of
details to iron out.

But good work, people. Good work.

Who needs a coffee?

Ashley...

You go, Taryn.

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(RAEL) Now this is more like it,
Darren Nudelman.

Look at that glass facade. Beautiful.

I think this is actually a Dutch
architect, if I'm not mistaken.

(DARREN) Rael, this is the
engine room of Africa, bru.

(RAEL) Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Love it.
Can you smell that brick and mortar?

- (DARREN) Check this, bru.
- (RAEL) Here we go.

This is why I'm in this business.
Chest out, stomach in.

Ooh can you smell the dust?

(GUARD) How can I help you,
gentlemen?

- Howzit? Howzit?
- Howzit?

Could we take a look inside, please?

(GUARD) What company
are you guys from?

(DARREN/RAEL) Goldprop.

(RAEL) Thank you. How many squares do
you think this is?

- Yes, please.
- (DARREN) Ooh!

Can you hear that? One, two, three

- four.
- (CLICKING TONGUE)

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- (BOTH) Square test.

- One, two, three, four, five, six...
- Seven, eight...

There you go,
54 squares times 2 is...

Oh.

- Rael Rosen!
- Darren Nudelman!

Beautiful.

North, south, east, west.

- There you go.
- How do you know where north is?

Swallowed some magnets
when I was six.

Don't ask about it. But it helps.

How about this? Beautiful pillars
here. What's this? Hexagonal?

- One, two, three.
- (BOTH) Goldprop!

(TALI OVER CELLPHONE) The eagle
has landed. I repeat.

The eagle has landed.

Hey, Monique. You look like
you need a coffee, girl.

Oh thanks, I'm in a rush.
I've already...

(TARYN) Oh so you're suggesting
this almond milk latte

with cinnamon sprinkles
should go to waste?

- Oh wow, you know my order.
- I make it my business, sweetie.

Wow. That shade of
lipstick is so stunning.

I've been looking for one just
like it. Where did you get it?

Well actually it comes from overseas,
so you won't be able to find it here.

(TARYN) Of course. You are so glam.

Do you mind if I take a photo of you,
just so I can try get close?

- (MONIQUE) Okay.
- (TARYN) Close your mouth.

- (MONIQUE) Okay.
- (TARYN) Okay...

- Thanks, babe.
- (MONIQUE) Thanks.

I really feel like this now.

(TALI) And bingo was his name-o.

(MONIQUE) Thank you, Ashley.
And I just wanna say

a big thank you to the dads for
coming to the meeting today.

It is so important when
our fathers are involved

- in our big school family.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- So as...
- Hello. Hi, guys.

Tali, what are you doing here?

There is no newsletter,
and you're not part of the committee.

(TALI) Can't I be a
concerned and involved parent?

- Okay. If...
- You know what? It's just a pop in.

- It's just a pop in, guys.
- Okay.

I noticed.. And no offence,
Margie, no offence.

I noticed that the puzzles in the
classroom are looking a bit verlep.

So I brought some new puzzles, guys!

With the leftover money
from the newsletter.

(MONIQUE) That's actually very sweet,
Tali, thank you.

You can put the puzzles
down over there,

and we can continue with our meeting.

(TALI) But let me just take you
through them quickly, guys,

if I can have your attention.

I just wanna show these puzzles.

This one is a beach scene. See?
Look at that. It's nice, hey.

(MONIQUE) Thank you, Tali,
you can set them down.

Yes, yes, but look at this one.

- This one is a scene from the zoo.
- Stunning. Thank you you, Tali.

We need to continue
with our meeting...

- (TALI) Okay.
- (MONIQUE) so your pop in is...

- You must pop out.
- ♪ Four little ducks ♪

♪ Went out one day ♪

♪ Over the hills and far away ♪

♪ Mother duck said... ♪

(MARGIE) ♪ Quack, quack ♪
♪ Quack, quack ♪

♪ And only three ♪
♪ Little ducks came back ♪

(MONIQUE) What is
happening right now?

(TALI) Sorry, guys, I just got
so overcome with creativity

and inspiration in your
beautiful classroom, Margie.

- It's such a stunning energy in here.
- Aw thanks so much, Tali.

- Thank you. Thank you so much, Tali.
- It means a lot.

- (MONIQUE) Off you go.
- Thank you, guys.

- It's very kind of you.
- Enjoy those puzzles.

(MONIQUE) Very much, we will.
Thank you. Thank you.

Right, back to our meeting.

- (TARYN) You guys get it?
- We got it.

(TARYN GASPING) Okay.
Here's the video.

(MIKAELA) This isn't gonna work,
Taryn.

- (CELLPHONE UNLOCKING)
- It worked.

- (TALI GASPING)
- (MIKAELA) I can't believe it.

Okay, okay. vag*na pic, here we come.

Remember to put it on aeroplane mode,

and then it will send
when she switches over.

Okay, aeroplane mode, done.
Photos, photos.

There we go.
vag*na pic, here we come.

Ja, and she's got, like,
a ton of them. She's so perverse.

- Okay, well I'm seeing lots of kids.
- (TARYN) Ja.

Lots of pictures
of Garren's naked chest.

I still don't understand how this
nerd became so chiselled.

- (MIKAELA) What?
- He's so hot.

- (STACEY) Ja, he gyms 24/7.
- Guys, there are absolutely

zero vag*na pics on this feed.

Stacey, this b*tch is clean.
What were you talking about?

(STACEY) Well maybe she deleted them.

- Stacey!
- I'm sorry.

Well what are we gonna do now?

I will sacrifice my flower.

(TALI) What?

Oh.

- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
- Wait, Taryn, what's that?

That's a tattoo, Stacey.
What? You didn't think I was badass?

- No, I didn't doubt you. It's just...
- Well that's not gonna work, Taryn.

Sorry, it's my ex's initials.

My bad.
The whole relationship was my bad.

He was, like, into this
Russian smuggling business,

and that's actually where I
got the criminal record...

Okay, Taryn, Taryn, XYZ.
Come on, come on.

We don't have time for this
sob story right now.

We need a picture of a vag*na stat.

- Mikaela, how much do you love me?
- Not that much.

Mikaela, we need to have
a conversation about loyalty.

But right now we are
running out of time.

Please, Mikaela.

Tals, I'm heavily pregnant.
I cannot even reach my vag*na.

- (TARYN) Well that is true.
- I'm brown, so it doesn't...

Okay, fine.

- I'll do it.
- (TARYN) Oh, Tals...

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

- Now that's badass.
- (TARYN) That is so badass.

I've got it. Let's write a caption.

Say, "Garren,
look forward to this on your chest."

- (TALI) What?
- Chiselled. Chiselled chest.

- Ja, that's...
- It's terrible.

- That is too much, guys.
- It's a vag*na.

I know. I'm just gonna say,
"Garren, Mommy is coming home."

- Oh that is good.
- (STACEY) That's better. Ja.

"Garren, Mommy is coming home."

Okay. Sent.

Okay. It's done.

So it looks like we've covered
everything that we needed to.

Thank you again, parents, for coming.
It's so won...

- What are you doing here?
- I.. am doing a coffee run.

- Who would like coffee?
- (MONIQUE) We're good, thanks.

- (TARYN) OH it seems like...
- No, they're fine.

Okay. Well you know where to find me,
at Taryn Estate.

Hey, didn't we have really terrible
sex at AfrikaBurn 2009?

(DOOR CLOSING)

So let's just erase that.
We had such a wonderful meeting,

and if you have anything you wanna
talk to me about,

please come see me afterwards.

That's weird. I don't remember
turning on aeroplane mode.

Look at us,
we're so obsessed with our phones.

(CELLPHONES CHIMING)

What?

(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)

(BARBARA) So in light
of our recent.. incident...

Okay, alright, let's keep it classy,
please, everyone.

We thought it best that perhaps
Monique take a break

from her responsibilities
of class mom.

So is there anyone here who would
like to take over?

Me. I'll do it.

Thank you, Tali, thank you.

Anyone else would like the role?

Chantal?

Astrid?

Right. So as of today Tali Shapiro
will be our new class mom.

Oh, guys, thank you. Thank you, guys.

- Wow! Barbara, thank you.
- Oh.

(TALI) Thank you so much. Margie...

This is so wonderful.

This is really a great honour,
guys, thank you.

(NTHABISENG SQUEALING/CHUCKLING)

- Congratulations.
- (TALI) Thank you so much, Rush.

Thank you so much. Thank you, guys.

I promise to do a good job.