01x06 - Los Botes

[bunniefuu]

You think you're gonna have kids?

No, because I have no idea
what I would name them.

I've met too many people.

I have a negative association
with every single name.

- What about...
- Donovan?

Ooh. Forgot about Donovan.

Donovan's a good name.

Bet my life would have been a lot better
if my name was Donovan.

Yeah, I like Donovan.

Huh. Maybe I'll reverse the vasectomy.

Do you keep doing that back and forth

over and over again or does a hole
become permanent at some point again?

You can do anything you want.

Hey, Rocio.

I need you to take this crap
to Memo's place.

Damn, nice to see you too.

¿Cómo estás?

And try to do it by tonight.

I don't wanna talk
to that piece of sh*t right now.

Damn, I don't wanna see
that fool either.

- Shut up, Julio.
- You're not the one divorcing him.

Just do me this favor
so you can pat yourself on the back

and feel good about it later.

Cool, thanks.

- f*ck' key his truck.
- I gotta go to work.

I don't want that sh*t in my house.

- Shut up.
- Hi, Luis. Bye, Luis.

Check it out.

We don't have to wipe our a*s
with sandpaper anymore.

I got the one
with the cute-a*s little bears on it.

Dawg, put that sh*t away. Put it away!

Dawg, it's like prison here.

And her toilet paper is shredding my culo.

Don't worry about it, playboy.

Soon your as*h*le
will become leather just like mine.

Dawg, I'm bleeding!

Shh.

Man, what the f*ck?

Hey! What the hell are you doing?

f*ck off, man.

I'm just trying to do my job.

- That's our recycling.
- My mom turns that sh*t in for money.

What you need the f*cking money for?

We're poor. We need those cans.

You're not poor. You're broke.

There's a difference.

I'm f*ck' poor.

- What are you even talking about?
- Put that bag down.

Can I ask your young a*s a question?

You ever been late on your utility bills?

Yeah, all the time.

Well, I've never been late
on my utility bills. You know why?

Because I don't have
a motherfuckin' house to live in

'cause I'm poor.

I wish I was broke enough
to even have a bill.

Must be nice.

But whatever, man.

You keep 'em.

Broke as*h*le.

Yo. Come back.

Just take them.

Yeah?

Yeah, you need them more.

Oh.

Damn, man.

Thank you.

You a good guy.

You a good guy.

You a good guy.

You a good guy.

Ah, dale, mamacita, yeah.

Hey!

Sí, sí, tía,
gracias for all the staplers.

No, no, no, no.

Hola, mamacita.

Sorry to bother you,
but my recycling was stolen last night.

I'm checking with all the neighbors
to see if theirs did too.

- Please hold.
- Julio!

Okay.

Hmm.

m*therf*cker! They got us too.

m*therf*cker! Imma k*ll
whoever stole my recycling.

You don't f*ck with my money.

Yeah, k*ll the m*therf*cker!

Damn, Darius. Don't you think
that's a little too far?

Don't f*ck with my money then.

Listen, you see something,
you let me know.

Adios, mamacita.

Hey, broke guy.

What the f*ck do you want?

You got any more cans?

My neighbor Darius says
if he catches you,

he's gonna smoke your a*s.

- Man, f*ck Darius.
- I ain't thinking about no damn Darius.

That old stingy m*therf*cker.

Hey.

W... Well, I-I...
I may need a lookout, though,

so, uh, are you down for helping me out?

No, I ain't trying
to get merked out here.

Oh, come on, Julio.

I was thinking we could be like
Batman and Robin Hood.

You know, steal from the broke
and give to the poor.

Me.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I can't help you steal from my neighbors.

Okay. I thought you had my back.

Seeing as how you such a... good guy.

Such a good guy.

Such a good guy.

Such a good guy.

I'll get my shoes.

Oh!

Uh, you think you could give me a ride
to the recycling center?

Okay, but this is the last time
I'm doing you a solid.

Oh, thank you, Señor Julio.

Before you, I never knew a friendship

between a poor individual such as myself

and a broke m*therf*cker like you
could even be possible.

See, that's the thing about me.

I feel like I've always
just had the ability

to be friends with anyone.

I don't know,
I guess I'm a good guy like that.

Hey, you are. You are.

Hey, real quick, uh,
can I take a sh*t in your house?

Wait. What the f*ck?

Where the f*ck is my car?

Ay!

Que es eso?

What the hell is going on out there?

Luis. What the f*ck?

You m*therf*ckers.

Yo, Darius. Uh, it was all Julio.

Here's your can thief. sh**t him.

You gonna pay me for these cans.

Hey, chingados.

Looks b*mb.

Ay, Mamá.

Uh...

Esperanza!

¡Mamá!

That's disgusting.

What's up, Julio? Great to see you.

Here's your sh*t.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you wanna hang out
and throw back some chelas?

No, I don't wanna hang out with you.

You f*cked over my sister,

and now you have me
running errands for you?

You probably hate me, huh?

Yeah, I guess I do.

But not as much as your sister.

Jesus Christ, Memo.

Stop f*ck' crying and be a man.

I f*cked up everything with your sister,

and now
I'm f*cking up everything with you.

Please, Memo, don't make this awkward.

But I'm so lonely.

You're all I got left.

You're all I got left.

You're all I got left.

You're all I got left.

Ay!

Oh.

Hey, fool.

Remember when you got
f*cked up at Ana's quince?

What kinda pomade you use?

Layrite or Suavecito?

Hey, fool,
a magician never reveals his secrets.

Hey, man, thank you
for hanging out with me, Julio.

Yeah, no problem.

Even though you're not my bro anymore,
you still my bro.

You wanna hit the pookie with me?

Dawg! That's why my sister
left your a*s!

I know.

It's the only way
I could deal with this sh*t.

Skante saved my life, dawg.

Stop crying!

I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot.

I just didn't wanna smoke alone.

I thought you'd be down
because you're such a good guy.

Such a good guy.

Such a good guy.

You're such a good guy.

g*dd*mn it.

Dawg, I can light my own sh*t.

Okay.

Stop crying, fool,
we're about to party.

Mm-hmm.