02x04 - Higher Power

[bunniefuu]

- I want to know
more about my pilot.

I think it's f*cking crazy
that we just fly with a n*gga

and we never see him.

Like, when I get on the plane,
I want to look that n*gga

in his eyes and be
like, "Did you sleep?"

"Everything good at
home? How's your wife?

You gamble, bro? Like,
what's up with you?"

- Good evening.
Welcome aboard.

Thank you for choosing
Right on Time Airlines.

Please find your seat
and step out of the aisle

to make room for your
neighbor behind you.

Fasten those seat belts.
We'll be taking off shortly.

- [sighs]

- Hey...

you're a comedian, right?

- [chuckles] Yeah, uh,
my name is Michael...

- Blackson. Right, I knew it.

Oh, I loved you on
"Wild 'N Out," man,

you hilarious mother sucker.

I'm surprised to see
you here, though.

- Yeah, my auntie booked
this flight for me.

She said she used some kind

of church coupon
or... I don't know.

- This is the flight the
"Lort" wanted you to be on.

- The who?
- The "Lort."

[soft chime]
- Good evening, saints.

I'm your pilot, Pastor Julian,
and I will be delivering

the good word
throughout the flight.

- Go on, now.

- Our flight time today is
just around seven hours,

but we're asking Jesus
to blow His mighty breath

and bring us in in
just under three.

Now, before we go any further,

I'd like you to turn to
your neighbor and say,

"Jesus, take the wheel!"

all: Jesus, take the wheel!

- Well, the pilot should
take the wheel, right?

- Jesus is the pilot, brother.

- If the cabin pressure changes,

just start talking in tongues...

A couple of
"bashambalas"... And masks

will drop down in front of you.

- "A-homina shom
shomina." all: Amen.

- That's not safe.

What is going on
with this flight?

- Spirit is speaking to me...

- The Spirit?
- Shh.

- And there may be
turbulence along the way.

We know that ain't
nothing but the devil.

So, in the event of any ruckus,
please take your tambourines,

located under your seats...

- Ain't no tambourines under...
- And we will shake his tail

right on back to hell...
- Oh, no.

- Where he belongs.
[tambourine rattles]

- I think I'm on
the wrong flight.

Ma'am, excuse me, can you
open that door, please?

- Today's meal choices will
be macaroni and cheese,

collard greens,
candied yams, and okra

with a choice of fried fish
or a smothered pork chop...

- Mmm.

- Served with a half lemonade,

half sweet tea, half Sprite.

- I guess I can stay for...

It's only three to
seven hours, yeah.

- Our in-flight entertainment

will be Tyler Perry's
"Madea Gets Curncer."

[soft organ music]

[soulful music]

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let me hear you say ♪

♪ Your folks, my folks ♪

♪ My folks, your folks ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Ha! ♪

- I know how
successful I'm becoming

by the favors that
are being asked of me.

You know what I mean?

Like, I remember when
people would come up to me

with tears in their eyes
like, "Man, I just need $50."

And now n*gg*s come
with them same tears

like, "Man, I just really
want this Sprinter Van."

Like...

what happened to
$50, n*gga? Damn.

When did your
problems get so grand?

- Whoo!

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Walker!
- Hey!

- How y'all doing?

- Young man, you're
looking sharp today.

- Thank you. I'm
trying to get like you.

- Oh! [laughs] I'm
trying to be like you!

- Oh, I know you are.

[chuckles] Broke-a*s nig...

Hey, what up, Oz?
- You hurtin' it, bro.

- Hey, I know, right?
Hey, stay out of school.

Don't be a hashtag.
- Daddy, who is that?

- That's the man.

- [laughs]

- That butter ain't got
nothing on that kettle, man.

- Nah, you busted.

- Bro, you never
heard of Skinny Pop?

Skinny Pop Kettle
Corn. You crazy.

Wait, hold on. Oh,
sh*t, that's Kev.

Yo, Kev, that's you?
- Hey, man.

- Oh, sh*t, n*gga, I
ain't recognized you

with all that drip, okay.

- Blah, you see it, right?

- What? You won the
lotto or something?

- Hey, man, just keep
praying, wash your face.

That's all you got to do, huh?
- Dead a*s?

- Hey, that's what
I do. I got to go.

Got to go home and
wash my jet. [laughs]

Whoo!

- Hold up. Hey, yo, Kevin.

You sucked that genie's d*ck.

- What the f*ck you say to me?

- I said you sucked
that genie's d*ck

in exchange for seven wishes.
- No... no, I didn't!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What genie, bro?

- The genie down by the park

that says he give you
whatever you want.

All he want is his d*ck sucked.

- You did that sh*t, bro?
- He lying.

- Why your tongue blue?

- Uh, lollipop. I can't
have a treat, huh?

- Right, right, so where the
diamond AirPods come from?

- And how you get a jet?

- Uh, I invested in crypto.
GameStop, you remember that?

Where was y'all at? Basic.

- I've been looking for you.
- Hey, baby, how are you?

- Come on, baby.
Bezos is waiting.

- Mm-hmm, n*gg*s
out here hating.

- When the f*ck did Kevin
start pulling b*tches?

- Watch your mouth
in front of my lady.

- Y'all dating?
- Hey.

- Yeah, we fell in love
about 45 minutes ago.

- You sucked that
genie's d*ck, fam.

- No, I didn't.

- All right, so why your
backpack made of beef jerky?

- SkyMall.

- How you get real
dinosaur feet, though?

- I've always had these, bro.

You don't be paying
attention to me.

- And explain your
personal croissant chef.

♪ ♪

- G*ntrification.

- Well, why you
always surrounded

by, like, butterflies and sh*t?

- I'm whimsy, bro.

- What the helicopter
going on out here?

- We think Kevin sucked
that genie's d*ck.

- Oh, now, that would explain
why his mom is alive again.

[eerie music]

- Hey, look, blessings,
it's all blessings.

Uh, John 3:16.

"Whatever you do in the
dark comes to light"

- Yeah, right, man.
- You sucked that genie's d*ck.

[laughter]

- d*ck sucker.
- No.

- I can't believe that be you...
- Come on, baby, let's go.

- Genie!

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

- There he is.

He be in the sewer and
the pipes and all that.

- k*ll all these m*therf*ckers!

- Huh?
- Your wish is my command.

But you know what I'ma need
from you in return, right?

- Exactly.

[zipper opens]

- My dad didn't live with us.

I didn't know where he lived,
but I knew he had a van.

- A van?

- Yeah, 'cause he did, like,
construction, odd jobs.

Back in those days, old
Black men had a van,

and in that van was tools

and Motown tapes.

But he was, like, a man's man.

Now we don't have men like that.

When my dad was my age,
he wasn't wearing this.

He had a lot of keys

and a big-a*s mustache.

We're afraid to grow... I think
this is the one generation

that's, like, never
gonna grow up.

I'm gonna be 75 years
old dressed like this.

You know how sad that is...
To see a 75-year-old man

in skateboarding sneakers
and a baseball cap

like a little boy?

Like...

[soft piano music]

♪ ♪

- First prize... I am
so proud of you, son.

You are the smartest
kid in the whole world.

♪ ♪

- Don't be a weak-a*s
b*tch, Kenny.

You don't need a dad.

You just have to
work a little harder,

and then you'll be
the smartest kid.

I'll show them.

[dynamic music]

♪ ♪

- It's okay, son.

You're still the
smartest kid in my book.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Come on, Dad. Number one.

We're valedictorian.
Smile for the camera, Dad.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

I did it. My time
machine is complete!

- Oh! Sir, you're a genius.
- I am a genius.

- We can go back in
time and fix history.

- We could do that.
- We can k*ll Hitler.

- We could do that.
- Or reverse global warming.

- Or become my own dad.

- What's that, sir?
- That's right.

All the other kids got
to cruise through life,

knowing Daddy will be
there to save them,

while I always had to
work twice as hard.

- Sir, you sound mad.
- What are you saying?

- If I can't have a dad,
I'm gonna become my own dad.

With this time machine,
I'm gonna go back in time,

and I'm gonna raise myself!

[laughing]

Oh, my God. Ah!

- It's working.

- Oh, it's happening.
- Oh, my God.

It's going.
- I'm going back in time!

- Kind of painful.
- Holy sh*t.

- Peace out, b*tches!
[screams]

Oh, sh*t.

[both scream, laugh]

♪ ♪

Holy sh*t, I did it.

- You are the smartest
kid in the world.

- Man, f*ck your dumbass kid.

- Excuse me?
- You heard me.

My kid is the smartest
kid in the world.

- Dad?
- That's right.

I'm here, son. We lit.

You don't have to prove anything

to these m*therf*ckers.

The only thing that
matters is your happiness.

f*ck this dude.
Come on, put it up.

Lit, we lit, we lit. Yeah.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Ah, get out of the
way. Get out of the way.

Your dad's here now, son.

Let's see them b*stards
laugh at us now.

We got the diploma.
Let's take the picture.

Let's prove it.

- f*ck school. f*ck it!

f*ck it! f*ck it! [laughter]

♪ ♪

- All rectangles are not
squares, people, okay?

Went over this last week.
There will be a test.

♪ ♪

- Gonna get that D-plus
average up to a B-minus,

B-plus, and we'll be
looking at Yale in no time.

- I need you to sign
this form for me, Dad.

- Of course.

You're dropping out
of community college?

- I am.
- Why?

- Because it's hard, plus
you said it yourself...

I don't need to go to college.

I'm the smartest
kid in the world.

- Yeah, but you still
need to apply yourself.

- My boy French got me a
job working at the BangBus.

- BangBus?

What is... what is BangBus?
- It's p*rn*graphy.

- You're dropping out
to be a porn star?

- No, no, no, I'm
driving the BangBus,

but I figured if
I learn the ropes,

work my way up,
get to that camera,

get the POV scene,
you know what I mean?

- But what about studying
quantum physics like me?

- Boring, boring. I'd
rather do the BangBus.

- I don't think you realize

what I went through
to raise you.

- And I don't think you
understand that I'm not you.

- But that's the thing.
You are me, and I'm you.

- That's pretty deep for
a library visit, Dad.

You got... you got a light?
I'm gonna smoke this joint.

- You have to follow
precisely in my footsteps.

- Dad, you always said
do what makes me happy.

- I know I said that, but...

- Well, driving the BangBus
makes me happy, Dad.

Isn't that what you wanted?
- Yeah.

[soft orchestral music]

Yeah, it is what I
wanted. You're right.

That's exactly what I
wanted... For us to be happy.

- Yo, what's happening, yo?
- I get it.

We grew up with a father
who gave us everything,

so we never had to work
hard or... or overachieve.

We're BangBus drivers.

We're gonna watch people
f*ck for a living.

We were never gonna build a time
machine... we don't have to.

- What the f*ck you talking
about... time machine?

And why are you disappearing?

- We're just like
those legacy kids

we grew up despising.

We're lazy. We're
entitled. We're spoiled.

But we're happy.

- Where you going, Dad?
- It's cool.

I can go now. We
raised ourself right.

- Dad.

You forgot to sign
the paperwork.

- One of the only times
I didn't end up sleeping

with a guy was because when

he pulled down his pants...
- Mm.

- His p*nis was shaped like one
of those Firecracker popsicles.

- A Firecracker popsicle?
Like the Fourth of July joint?

- It went like...

To a point, and I was like,
"How do I suck on this

and not get it sharper?"

- Wait a minute.

Women don't like
certain p*nis shapes?

- No.

- Is that true? I
didn't know that sh*t.

- We having a good show
about coochies and cheating,

and y'all want to
talk about dicks?

- Where's my phone?

- For the last time, baby,
you don't need to do this.

- It's too late. You
can't talk me out of this.

It's my body. I
make the rules.

- Your body is
good enough for me.

- I'm not doing this
for you, damn it.

I'm doing it for me.
Why can't you see that?

- I don't want you to go
to the DR for six months!

- This is bigger than you.

If I don't take a stand
now, I never will.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

I'ma make you proud, sir.

♪ ♪

- Stop looking at photos
of your naked father.

You'll never be him.

♪ ♪

- Actually, when I get
this Dominican d*ck-lift,

I'll be just like him.

It's only eight grand.
We won't even miss it.

- Are you even
listening to yourself?

You're 40 years
old and want a DDL.

It's not safe.

Besides...

I think your p*nis is fine.

- [sighs]

That's the problem.

My whole life, my dad had

this perfect,
natural, long d*ck,

and mine, mine's fine.

Well, I wasn't put on this Earth

to have a just-fine p*nis!

- But I like a just-fine p*nis.
- But nothing!

I'm gonna get all the fat
sucked out of my stupid arms

and shot into my d*ck and
ba*ls so they're big and fat!

- Why do they have to
take it out of your arms?

Why can't they take it
out of your fat stomach?

- You think I don't know

that my stomach's fatter
than my little arms?

Yes, I asked them if
they could take it

out of my fat stomach
or my fat a*s.

And they said no! It has
to come out of the arms.

- Why would they suck fat out
of a place there's not fat?

I don't even
understand the surgery.

- When I come cruising back

with a big, old,
fat set of ba*ls,

you'll be saying
they're smart then.

- Wait!

I don't want a big,
fat set of ba*ls!

What am I gonna
be sleeping with?

- They say when it becomes
erect, it's the same size,

but limp, it's gonna
be huge and fat!

- Don't I matter at all?

- You matter, but me getting
a big-a*s d*ck matters more.

I'll see you in March.

♪ ♪

[door opens, closes]
- Why?

- I think if you have,
like, a therapist,

maybe it's a lot easier to
deal with your relationship

in therapy because
you're working

on yourself constantly,

and your partner is
not the first person

to find out all these things.

You know, 'cause, like,
sometimes if I'm in an argument

with my girl, like, she's right.

I just don't like it.

I know she's right,
but I'll just be like,

"I don't like that you
feel comfortable enough

to be right."

- "The abundance that you
want is already inside of you.

"The universe has
everything you need

"to live the life
that you want to live.

"With The Code, you can
unlock all of your desires

and live your life to
its full potential."

That and much, much more
I go into in this book.

- Really powerful
stuff, Jeff. Thank you.

And right now we
want to open it up

for any questions that we
might have for the author.

Yes, yeah.
- Hi.

So you referenced The
Code several times,

but never explicitly
stated what it was.

I'm hoping you could
shed a little more light?

- We all conduct
ourselves by codes,

by habits, protocols
for our lives.

The Code is about
crafting rituals

to define our identities.

For instance, I microdose.
- Oh.

- It's just one
of the tools I use

to be the best
version of myself.

- Yeah, actually,
I've heard about

the long-term creative
benefits of microdosing.

So do you take, um,
psilocybin, LSD?

- Actually, crack.

[crowd murmurs]

- I smoke a teeny, tiny
bit of crack every day...

actually, every


You know, microdosing
crack really gives me

a lot of confidence
in the workplace

that I always felt
like was missing.

It gives me a lot of
energy, allows me time

to do the things I
love with my life.

Microdosing crack
gives me the confidence

to walk up to any woman.

- So you're a crackhead?
- No.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no

Would a crackhead wear a suit?

- But there's a cord hanging
out of your pants leg.

- Good eye.

I was wondering if
anybody was interested

in buying an extension cord.
- For what?

- For money, lady, duh.

See, it's dumb
questions like that

that show that you need
The Code in your life.

- The book, the...

The pages are completely blank.

- You got a whole
section of blank books.

Put 'em with the Moleskines.

You want the words,
the words is extra.

- That's what a book
is... The words.

- Wrong, the book
is a book part.

The words is the words.

- Hey, I want my money back.

- Your money's been gone.
I already smoked it.

Now, is anybody interested
in buying an extension cord?

- Oh!
- What?

Is there a bug on my
back? What happened?

- Oh!
[crowd gasps]

- Hmm?

[muttering indistinctly]

Somebody wants an
extension cord.

- Who's the n*gga
that tried crack

the second time?

Like, I understand the first guy

that got tricked
into smoking crack,

but who was the second
guy that saw that guy

and was like, "You know
what, I bet it was a fluke"?

"I bet my teeth
won't fall out."

[chuckles]

I bet I'll keep my baby.

- I'm sorry, Madea, but you
have testicular "curncer."

- Oh, Lord, not
testicular "curncer"!

- Wow, they really
get right to it.

- I'm about to pop a cap.

- Brother, brother?
- Oh, no.

I already paid, my man.
- Oh, here you are, Deacon.

- Thank you, sister.

Right now we're asking

for a small offering for
the safe-landing fund.

- "Safe-landing fund"?
Man, how about this?

No. [laughs]

[thunder booms] Oh, what?

- See what you did?
- What I do?

- You done angered the Lord
by being cheap, brother.

- That's a bad man.
[soft chime]

- Uh-oh, saints,
look like we done run

into a terrible storm,
so I'm gonna ask

all you passengers
to bow your heads

for a moment of silence
and please disconnect

all electronics while
the Lord is working.

[engine powering down]

- Hey, don't turn
off the plane, man!

What...
- The Lord has revealed

to me that there is
a passenger on board

that does not know His word.
- Mm, mm, mm.

- And He's asked me
to find this sinner.

- Right here. He a heathen.

- Hey, I thought you was a fan.

- Mm.
- Oh, you mother sucker...

- Sir, do you know Jesus Christ
as your lord and savior, son?

- Hey, man, who is
flying the plane?

- Well, Jesus is.

What's your name, son.
- Michael Blackson.

- Would you like to
accept Jesus Christ

as your lord and savior,
Mr. Michael Blackson?

- If I do, will you
fly the f*cking plane?

- I won't if you don't.
- Fine, fine, whatever, man.

- All right.

[suspenseful music]

Ah!

- Now repeat after me.

Dear "Lord-uh!"
- Dear Lord.

- No, I said "Lorid-uh"!
- "Lorid-uh."

- I accept Your son Jesus Christ

as my lord and savior.

- I accept Your son Jesus Christ

as my lord and savior.

- And I'll promise to
stop watching p*rn*graphy!

- Hey, man, I didn't know you
was gonna throw that at me.

- I refuse to get "excitorated"

looking at hot, sweaty
bodies, buttocks jiggling,

thighs jiggling, legs,
even feet, too, now.

- All right, fine, I'll
give up the feet porn, man.

I'll stop doing it!
- Amen!

Wha-ha! Amen!
- Amen.

[cheers and applause]

All right, Deacon, pass
that collection plate

around one more time...
Let's get an offering going.

- How many collections y'all
gonna take on this plane?

- Well, till we get
to the promised land.

- I thought this was
going to Atlanta.

- Yeah, like I said,
the promised land.

[chuckles]

- This is the last time
I do the BET Awards.

Do you like Tyler Perry?
- Love Tyler Perry.

- co*n.

[laughs]

- All them n*gg*s be
beating they wives.

You fat and you ugly, b*tch!

I don't know why I married
you! Four hours of that.

Why... why am I watching this?
- It's a happy ending.

You got to watch
to the end, though.

It's a happy ending.
- What happens in the end?

- She lose weight,
and she get a new man.

You never watch the end.

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs]