01x02 - Cartwheel Club

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Clubs --

not only are they
a fun distraction,

but they help
create a community --

an isolated,
exclusive community.

I really hole we make the cut
for cartwheel club this year.

They're looking for new members
for their 40-year world tour.

It's always been my dream
to tour for 40 years.

Ever since
I was a little girl,

I've wanted to see
my name on a list.

All: Debra!

[ Squeals ]

Debra!

Yes!

And...

What?

I can't believe
I'm not on the list.

Well,
what did you expect?

You can't
do a cartwheel.

And that's nothing
to be embarrassed about.

It's something
to be ashamed of.

This is so huge.

Turns out I'm even more special
than I thought.

Turns out
people can see me.

I can't wait to hear all
about you guys at brunch.

Well, obviously we can't
make brunch today.

We're doing something
more fun.

Well, that's actually
perfect for me

because I actually
can't make brunch either.

I'm gonna be spending
some quality time

with my son, Trayden.

I haven't seen him in weeks,
so...

Mom, Mom!

I made the club!

They're my family now.

[ Laughter ]

You had some of the best
auditions we've ever seen.

I'm Timmy,
king of cartwheel club.

And I'm Tammy,
king of cartwheel club,

and you of course are
Debra, Debra, and...

I want to say Derba.

My name is Debra.

Sorry, you just look like
a Derba to me.

You must get that
all the time.

I must.
[ Grumbles ]

All in!

[ Both squeal ]

Sorry, Derbra,
members only.

Both: When we say cart,
you say wheel club.

Cart!
-Wheel club!

-Cart!
-Wheel club!

-Cart!
-Wheel club!

That's perfect.

I didn't want to be a part of
cartwheel club anyway.

I mean, laughing and hugging,
how condescending.

[ Bird calls ]

♪♪

♪♪

Finally, someone has made a safe
space for me to be upside down.

It is so nice to be recognized
for all of my skill.

Everyone gather round.

Welcome,
new members.

You're all here because
you're capable of executing

the greatest feat the human body
can perform,

the cartwheel.

[ Laughs ]

Great job, kid.

Go buy me
something nice.

Now, this won't be easy,
and you're not going to like it.

We are going to push you
to the brink.

And by the brink,
we mean the spotlight.

Your first cartwheel competition
is tonight,

and the winners
will join us on tour.

We're going to start with
the foundation of the cartwheel,

some would say
the easiest part, standing up.

They want us
to stand up?

We're out of
our league here.

We are gonna have
to play dirty.

Taking matters
into our own hands.

No, sh**ting steroids
into our own arms.

Oh, my God.
Epic.

I thought
that was Gatorade.

Should we read
the side effects first?

Zip it.

What are you,


Hey, hey!
h*, h*!

I didn't want to be
in cartwheel club.

Hey, hey!
h*, h*!

I didn't want to be
in cartwheel club.

Hey, hey!
h*, h*!

♪♪

Hey, where are you going?

Come back.
I'm talking to you.

Oh, let me guess.

You're going
to cartwheel club too.

♪♪

Well, if you're not gonna
let me project

my feelings
about my friends on to you,

I guess I'll just go
spy on them in silence!

[ Growls ]

♪♪

All: [ Chanting ]
Go, Debra! Go, Debra!

Go, Debra! Go, Debra!

[ Panting ]

[ Chanting continues ]

Go, Debra.

And, Debra, not bad,
but not good either.

But you're better
than everyone else,

which makes you
less bad than them.

I think
you've got potential,

which means
you're on your way.

Bottom line is you might
just make the tour.

If you play
your cards right.

It couldn't be more clear.

They just said we're
definitely going on tour.

[ Both scream ]

♪♪

[ Thinking ] I will not be
left alone like this.

All right, everybody.

One hour until the big
cartwheel competition.

This is your last chance
to prove you've got

what it takes
to go on tour for 40 years.

That's four decades.

Wow.

We'll be watching.

We need more 'roids.

[ Both grunt ]

♪♪

[ Screams ]

[ Screams ]

Both:
Oh, no, the side effects!

Holy crap, the lizards
are cheating!

[ Both hiss ]

♪♪

[ Cackling ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

Eye of newt,

toe of frog,

shrimp of scampi.

[ Cackles ]

If I'm not having fun,

nobody is having fun!

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪♪

Come one, come all
to the cartwheel jubilee.

Bear witness to the spectacle
of the great American cartwheel.

In the event of an emergency,
take note of the nearest exit.

Please keep in mind that it
may be really, really small.

Please put your hands together
for the cartwheel club mascot,

Wheelie the Cart!

[ Cheers and applause ]

I love you, Wheelie!

♪♪

And they're off!

♪ Just make the crowd go

♪♪

♪♪

Coming up next,
we've got Debra!

[ Growls ]

And joining her,
it's Debra!

[ Growls ]

♪♪

Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I can't wait to have some fun!

Me love cartwheel!

♪♪

[ All gasp ]

♪♪

[ Cackles ]

No! Marbles,
a cartwheeler's kryptonite!

Some would say
their Achilles heel.

Now is not the time
for Greek mythology.

That's at 8:15.

This is your fault.This is not my fault.

This is your fault.This is not my fault.

This is your fault.This is your fault!

This is your fault!Your fault!

This is your fault!This is your fault!

This is your fault!This is your fault!

This is your fault!This is your fault!

Ugh!

♪♪

There, there,

Derba's got you now.

♪♪

[ Tumbleweed whines, pants ]

♪♪

Debra,
I can't thank you enough

for saving us
from ourselves today.

I'm so grateful
we didn't make the tour.

I can't keep up that lifestyle
for 40 years.



Most importantly, I learned
a really valuable lesson --

that I am scared of you.

And now we have
a shared experience

we can all laugh about.

[ Forced laugh ]

[ Laughing ]

Isn't it so funny
that we almost died

over something as silly
as a cartwheel?

That's not
why this happened.

Debra, this time you really
lost your marbles.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

[ Bone cracks ]

♪♪

Wow, I made the tour!

Yes!

♪♪

Yeah!

♪♪