01x03 - Sleepover!

[bunniefuu]

Plumbing is a lot
like friendship --

even the slightest rupture
will cause all this sh*t

to come to the surface.

[ Rumbling ]

Hey, Debra.
It's Debra.

We can't do brunch
at my house tomorrow.

My pipes have sprung
a little leak.

We'll need to use
your house.

That might be
a bit of an issue.

Let's just call Debra, and
tell her that brunch is a wash.

What's up, gals.
So excited for brunch tomorrow.

Well, get ready to be miserable,
because brunch is canceled.

Our pipes exploded.

We don't have a place to sleep,
let alone do brunch.

Don't be silly. You're
coming over to my house tonight.

we'll do brunch here
in the morning.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Why are we laughing?

I just never thought of you
as having a house.

Come to think of it, I've never
thought of you at all.

And respectfully,
I would rather k*ll myself

than go to your house.

As funny is that all is,
you have no other options.

See you soon.

Looks like
it's clearing up.

♪♪

[ Both sigh ]

We both know that tonight
is going to be awful.

We just have to
get through it.

In and out.Quick and easy --

like a drive-thru,
or sex with my husband.

[ Knocking ]

Sleepover!

[ Shrieks ]

Welcome to the first day
of the rest of your night.

Here in Casa Del Deborah,
luxury awaits.

Oh.

Do we love it,
or do we love it?

You know, in my house,
there's a door here.

I'll do my best
to get you see your floor plan,

but I'm not making
any promises.

She keeps garbage
in the house.

Why doesn't she throw it
in the town reservoir

like the rest of us.

Okay, ladies, we have
a big night ahead of us.

First things first,
let me see those PJs.

PJs?
Grow up.

♪♪

Love.

This is my
sleeping helmet.

It stops the dreams
from getting out.

Well, no one's
getting out tonight.

Let's do face masks.

My favorite part
of face masks

is that you're kind of just
stuck for 15 minutes,

and you have to, like,
think or talk.

-I choose think.
-And I choose talk.

[ Giggles ]

I love garlic.

I've actually never broken
a bone in my body.

Muscles are
another story.

[ Crying ]

That's the story
of my first kiss.

I'm sorry
I cried so much --

during the story
and the kiss.

[ Yawns dramatically ]

Well, I better be
getting to sleep.

If I don't get 18 hours,
I become a total b*tch.

Don't worry. I spiked
the punch with cocaine.

So, no one's going
to bed tonight.

Now, it's time
for security questions.

What's the name of the
first street you lived?

I have to go
to the bathroom.

That's a funny name
for a street.

Initiating
girl talk.

[ Laughs ]

When was your first kiss?
Wait wait. Let me guess.

Why don't you be a bellhop,
and go take my bags upstairs.

That's so funny,

because my second kiss
was actually near a hotel.

[ Laughs ]

Come in Agent Debra.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Debra #2:
A hair on the toilet?

Is nothing sacred?

♪♪

There you are.

Oh, my God.

Costume party!
Obsessed!

I'm gonna go cram myself
into my prom dress.

I'll meet you downstairs.

[ Giggles ]

♪♪

That's better.
-Debra

Oh, I didn't know
we were doing costumes.

Let's talk turkey.

This house is a pigsty,
and Debra won't stop asking me

basic questions like where
I'm from or what I like.

She asked me if I'm a dog person
or a cat person.

Like hello,
I'm a human.

I don't get it.
What is her endgame?

Who cares?

I would rather sleep in sh*t
than spend one more second --

Debra #3:
Hey, ladies.

In your ugly,
ugly home.

Debra.

We were just talking
about you behind your back.

I love what you've done
with my place.

Well, you said your home
was my home, so...

I made your home
my home.

I did say that,
didn't I?

You're a great listener.

Why don't you go upstairs,
and put on a costume?

Debra is gonna let me
paint or toenails.

Right, Debra?

Are we having fun?

Yes, Debra. Yes.

♪♪

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
what's in here.

What's in here
changes everything.

Oh, my God.

Oh, thank God.
Come here.

How creepy is this?

Debra's been
stalking us.

Oh, my God.
This goes back years.

What, does she
have a printer?

Psycho.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Seven Minutes
in Heaven?

I didn't get
the invite.

[ Both scream ]

♪♪

Looking for these?

It's chilly, Debra.

Come inside.

We still haven't talked
about our feelings.

You get away from me.

I've seen karate,
and I'm not afraid to learn it.

Open up to me, Debra.

I'm a hugger.

[ Debra #2 screams ]

Debra.

[ Screaming ]

[ Knocking ]

Are you close
with your mommy?

I'm not!

[ Screams ]

[ Muffled talking ]

Do you think
you want children?

I'm considering adoption.

[ Screams ]

[ Screams ]

[ Both screaming ]

Thank God you came back for
me -- after you pushed me down.

You're welcome.

I think she's gone.

I love you.

[ Both scream ]

[ In sleep ]
My name's Debra.

I'm stuck.
It's too comfortable.

We'll never
get out of here.

She made the bed
too well.

Scary well.

Debra #3: Ladies, I just had a
crazy dream about my own birth.

Can't wait
to unpack it together.

Damn, she's good.

We're gonna have to
play her game.

The only way out
is through.

Who wants brunch
in bed?

Follow me lead.

So, how's
everyone feeling.

Well, if I'm being honest,
being here makes me anxious

because my house is the only
place where I feel in control.

I need to be in charge
because I don't have

any real autonomy
in my life.

Debra, thank you for choosing
to share that with me.

As for me,
I hyper-focus on menial tasks,

like cleaning,
to distract myself

from the fact that my life
is a vortex

of unfulfilled potential.

This is all
I ever wanted.

Thank you.

This has been...

a sleepover.

Thank you.

Is that how you
pronounce that?

Get in here.

[ giggles ]

You guys should probably be
getting back to your houses --

pipes and all.

I love you.

♪♪

What a piece
of work.

Can you believe she bought
all that fake stuff I made up?

Debra #1:
Where did you get that bit
about the unfulfilled potential?

You know,
I saw it in a movie.

And mine
was fake, too.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Laughs evilly ]

I love my friends!