02x07 - Debra Gets a Boyfriend

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: They say
love heals all wounds,

but for the Three Busy Debras,
falling head over heels

might leave you
with brain damage.

Mitra: Come on, little egg.

Here you go, little lady.

Thank you, handsome
stranger. I'm Debra.

Oh, Debra.

That's a beautiful name
for a beautiful lady.

I'm Jasper.

You think I'm beautiful?

You're my boyfriend!

Well, I guess that
makes you my girlfriend.

[ Gasps ]

♪♪

♪♪

Pfft. [ Clears throat ]

Oh. I don't want to...

What's that?

So... where are you from?

I couldn't agree more.

[ Plate shatters ]

Where is Debra?!

We always steady the
table by sliding her body

under the short leg!

Ugh!

Oh, Debra, you remodeled
the upstairs bathroom?

Oh, it's so much more
spacious without the toilet.

Ugh, thank God you're
here. Table, now.

Sorry, ladies, I can't today.

I've got someone
more important to do.

Ugh.

This is my new
boyfriend, Jasper.

Enchante, Debras. [ Laughs ]

I've heard so much
about you both.

All right, ladies. Time
to tear me to shreds.

I'm happy for you.

Have fun, sweetie.

Okay.

Well, me and Jasper
are going to go on

a romantic getaway
weekend upstate.

I'm happy for you.

Have fun, sweetie.

We're going to go then.

One last chance to
poison the well.

Oh, we don't have to do that.

You'll destroy your relationship
better than we ever could.

You go, girl.

Lovely to meet you, ladies.

I'll be sure to bring
her back in one piece.

[ Ding ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Sighs ] It is so
nice to take a day off

from being the puppet master
of Debra's inner life.

Let's go get some fresh air.

I heard oxygen is a
very good for the broin.

Baby, tonight is about Y-O-U.

You! That's me!

Sure is.

Here, have some of this
wine. It's very old.

Oh.

[ Slurps ]

Yum.

You just sit back, relax,

and try not to pee in there.

Where are you going?!

To the kitchen to make dinner.

[ Laughs ] The kitchen! What
is she, younger than me?

Yes, it was just remodeled.

[ Gasps ] So she's a model?

[ Chuckles ] You
are so creative.

Dinner in 30.

Oh, you're not allergic
to food, are you?

[ Laughs ] No.

Alright.

It Jasper can walk to the
other side of the room

that easily, what's stopping
him from walking out of my life?

Jasper, welcome the
prison of my love!

[ Laughs ]

A man would never
leave a pregnant woman.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ]

Want a taste?

Uh-huh.

[ Slurps ]

[ Gags, coughs ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Panting ]

[ Gulps ]

[ Laughs ]

Left this in the
car. [ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

No!

[ Groans ]

[ Sniffing ]

Ooh, cheese!

[ Trap snaps ]

Ah! Gotcha!

What is going on?

Why would you do
this amazing prank?

You were going to leave
me just like the Debras

said you would. What?

I would never do
that. You're perfect.

Really?

Sometimes my eyes
bleed, and other times

I wake up driving,
and my friends only

think of me as a table leg.

Oh, babe, you are so much
more than a table leg.

You're a whole damn table.

You really think so?

I really do.

[ Sighs ] What a lovely
day for flower picking.

Debra #2: The flowers
are in full bloom,

and nature even
put them in a vase!

Ah!

[ Sobbing ]

Priest: We are here to celebrate
the life of Tracy Lacey.

We take comfort in the
knowledge that she died

doing what she loved,
getting open heart surgery.

It was her time.

Oh! Watch where you're going!

Hey, that looks just
like Debra's boyfriend.

Jasper Crumbsworth.


[ Gasps ] Do you
know what that means?

[ Gasps ] Jasper's 29!

No! Jasper's a ghost!

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God!
Ye's with her right now!

Debra could be in danger!

Or worse, in trouble!

For the sake of my table,
we must save Debra.

[ Both scream ]

Do you feel a draft? I
suddenly got very cold.

That's just because
I'm in the house.

Of course. House.

[ Moaning ]

Nothing can ruin this night.

[ Screaming ]

Recognize this?!

[ Screaming ]

Aaaaah!

What are you doing here?!

Get away from her,
you sick f*ck!

[ Screams ]

Leave my boyfriend alone!

This man is no
boyfriend. He's a ghost!

Why can't you be happy for me?

Why can't you let me
have one good thing?

But we're telling the truth.

I want you to leave.

Fine. We'll take
our party favors,

and we'll be on our way.

[ Gasps ] No party favors?!

Get out!

[ Screams ]

[ Laughs ] I'm so
sorry about them.

All women, except
for me, are crazy.

I'm normal.

Actually, they're not crazy.

I am a ghost.

What?

This wasn't how I
wanted you to find out.

I don't understand. How
could you be a ghost?

When I touch you, I don't
go right through you.

It's such a stereotype.

That's why I didn't
want to tell you.

I knew you wouldn't understand.

I can't even look at you.

Point me to your trampoline.

I'm sleeping on
the roof tonight.

Wait, wait, wait!

Just give me a
chance to explain.

Okay, but this better be good.

The year was 1862.

I had just proposed
to my girlfriend.

Ah.

But her parents had promised
her hand in marriage

to the local milkman.

[ Chuckles ]

Ah!

In exchange for a month's
discount going forward.

So we decided to
run away together.

We planned to meet on
the train tracks at dawn.

The next morning, I showed
up, and she wasn't there.

So I waited and waited

and waited and
waited and waited.

She's not comin', man!

It's true. She
never came, man.

So steadfast was my love
that I refused to step foot

off those tracks.

Chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, choo, choo!

Choo, choo! Choo, choo!

Choo!! Choo!!

And then the
inevitable happened.

[ Screams ]

Oh, f*ck! Oh, f*ck!

I'm going to lose
my scholarship, man!

Hello? I'd like to
report a hit and run!

Jasper: And get
a whiff of this.

I died that day,
and I was cursed

to haunt Lemoncurd.

Until I found my one true love.

Decades passed, and my
heart remained empty.

But just as I was about
to give up on love,

a light shined down on me.

So I put on a hat,
and I saw you.

Then everything changed.

♪♪

Hi.

Ooh, my man!

[ Snores ] I'm up,
I'm up, I'm up.

As I was saying, now that
I have found true love,

I can finally ascend
to the next realm.

Look, this portal will
take us to the other side!

I knew it.

First chance you get,
you're leaving me.

I wasn't finished yet.

I want you to come with me.

It'll be just the two
of us in eternal bliss,

free from the
judgment of others.

Oh, you think people
are going to judge you

for being with me?

You want to hide me
in your little portal?

Please, we don't have much
time! The portal is closing!

First, you tell
me you're a ghost,

that there's a portal,
and now it's closing?

Uh, let me have my coffee first.

I'll always love you.

♪♪

Jasper?

Jasper?

What the heck just
happened here?

[ Sighs ] I really do fall
for the weirdest guys.

[ Canned laughter ]

Uh, yeah, Debras, you're going
to need to turn the car around.

[ Canned laughter, applause ]

♪♪

[ Choir singing ]

Mm, classic man.

He says "I love you"
then zips up his portal

and flies off to
the next dimension.

Honey, it's your loss, not his.

He's gonna be fine. [ Laughs ]

I should have known
he was a ghost

because I could never
feel him inside me.

[ Laughter ]

[ Screams ]

[ Laughter ]