02x08 - Women's History Hour

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

And that's why 6 is afraid of 7.

Well, enough algebra.

It brings me no joy to say this,

but our next lesson is
women's history hour.

[ All screaming ]

Please! No!

Anything but women!

[ Screaming ]

Look, the state requires
that we devote one hour

every four years
to women's history.

We have to be brave.

I, for one, cannot wait
to learn about women.

Some of my best
hairdressers are women.

Well, tip them extra, Donna.

Those highlights look sharp.

I appreciate the
compliment, but I don't tip.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Now, class, please open your
women's history textbooks

to page 1.

As we all know, our
town was founded by men,

but there were a few
women who contributed

to Lemoncurd in minor ways.

And I mean minor.

Strap on your history hats
because we're about to go back

to the year 1 billion BCE,

before the Curded Era,
back when the dawn of time

was just a twinkle in God's eye.

Meet Dooga, Lemoncurd's
first woman.

Dooga.

[ Grumbling ]

Teacher: It was deep
into mating season,

and Dooga was on the prowl.

Ah.

Dooga!

[ Grunting ]

[ Screams ]

Dooga wasn't exactly skilled
in the romance department.

Dooga, Dooga, Dooga.

[ Laughter ]

[ Softly ] Ah. Dooga.

[ Grunting ]

♪♪

Dooga...

[ Sobs ]

Teacher: Then one day,
with a little luck,

this dog of a woman

turned into a slightly
more beautiful dog.

[ Gasps ]

Oh.

Dooga.

[ Motorcycle engine revs ]

With the help of a much-needed
aesthetic overhaul,

things started looking up
for a little old Dooga.

Dooga. [ Grunts ]

Oh, Dooga, Dooga.

Dooga!

[ Grunting ]

Aaah! [ Grunting ]

All: Oh!

Teacher: That's gotta
hurt. [Weakly] Dooga.

Behold, the world's
first smokey eye.

[ All shouting ]

Dooga's discoveries made her
the most beautiful creature

in all of Lemoncurd,

proving that women are
more tolerable in makeup.

Thank you, Dooga.

And that's why every
woman in Lemoncurd

legally has to wear
makeup at all times.

I always wear makeup.

My dad's the chief enforcer
in the roadside makeup patrol.

We thank him for his service.

Girls, take out your
government-sanctioned

makeup palettes.

I'll be grading you
on your contour.

Perfect. 100.

Emily!

Your blending is
streaky! You're expelled.

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Dramatic music plays
] Good. Good. Yes.

Hi, Daddy!

Now, let's continue our lesson.

If you can stomach it.

[ Gasps, vomits ]

I'm sorry.

Don't be. It's
completely natural.

Now let's learn about a
woman who wasn't afraid

to stand up for her
rights... Susan B. Shoppin'.

In the early 1900s,

women in Lemoncurd had a
lot of responsibilities.

[ Baby crying ]

Sometimes it was hard to juggle

everything without
dropping a few ba*ls.

Susan? Aah!

[ Groans ]

Looks like we're
having baby soup again!

I hope you're happy!

Susan, honey, have
you voted today?

The polls are closing.

You think I have time for that?
I am too much on my plate!

And I have nothing on
mine. Where's dinner?

You're on your own.

Make sure you stir it so it
doesn't stick to the bottom.

After eight minutes,
he'll be al dente.

So she marched right into
city hall to give them

a piece of her tiny little mind.

Everyone, stop
what you're doing!

I have something to say.

In all my 14 years of life,
I've been pulled in a million

different directions...
North, south, up, north.

I don't need the government
giving me another chore!

Hear me when I say
women shouldn't vote!

What is she talking about?

But... But voting
is an expression

of individual choice.

No!

I don't want to vote anymore!

And you shouldn't either.

[ Groans ]

[ Muttering ]

I, Susan B. Shoppin',

vote that women
can no longer vote!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Yeah! You're right!

With all the time
I save not voting,

I could be getting
my teeth waxed.

[ Ding ]

I hate the sound
of my own voice!

I don't want to be heard!

And the paper cuts!
Need I say more?

Ouch!

That is the last time
I will be saying that!

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

It's unanimous.

Women in Lemoncurd
can no longer vote!

Aaah!

[ Cheering ]

Oh, I did it!

Teacher: Thanks to
Susan B. Shoppin',

women remain unheard
to this very day.

Speaking of which,
it's time to vote

for class president.

Boys, drop your ballots up here.

Girls, please dissociate.

♪♪

Ladies, wake up!

Nice. I win again.

[ Cheering ]

You ran a great campaign.

Couldn't have lost
to a better man.

Speaking of amazing men,

let's learn about a woman
who was given a job by a man.

It was the '80s in Lemoncurd,
and the livin' was easy.

The Lemoncurd radiation
factory had just been built,

and they were churning
out thousands of gallons

of radiation every day.

As we all know, Lemoncurd's
top exports are nuclear bombs

and halter tops, often
made in the same factories.

Look at them go!

Up until this point,

it was ill*gal for women
in Lemoncurd to work...

That is until Radiation
Rhonda came along.

Instead of getting
married to a man,

she wanted to f*ck...

a job.

Ah!

All this perfectly
good radiation

keeps fallin' off the table,
but I can't pick it up!

We're never gonna
make our quota.

The boss man says we got to make



We are so screwed!

Here you go.

Gee, thanks.

Hey, how'd you do that, mister?

It's easy. Long
fingernails and no gloves.

Here. Watch.

Look! It's a girl!

[ Gasps ] And I
know that because

only women wear underwear.

Please! No, no!

It's just the most comfortable
underwear to work in!

Aaah!

Ah! [ Gasps ]

A girl?!

Girls aren't allowed in
here. They're useless.

No, I'm not.

I've been picking
up radiation all day

with my bare hands.

Jesus! I would never do that!

But I would.

And I'd do it
again... For cheap.

Because today has been
the best day of my life.

Mm. You're hired.

[ Gasps ]

No! No, no, no.

It's not safe to
touch radiation.

Maybe not for a man it isn't.

Teacher: Rhonda died
at the age of 26

due to prolonged
exposure to radiation.

She was unwed, so her body
was donated to the garbage.

As a result of Rhonda's bravery,
we now have Rhonda's Rule,

which requires that all
unmarried women work

in life-threatening conditions
until they find a husband.

Well, I don't have to
worry about any of that,

because I've been
married since I was born.

All: Ooh! Ah!

Ooh, ah, indeed.

Now, class, it is with great
dismay that I must ask you

to turn yet another page.

I'm sure you're wondering about
the women of Lemoncurd today.

No.

Modern women are
still out there,

doing the work, daring
to repeat history

over and over again.

[ All booing ]

God, I hate those Debras.

They're not funny, and
they're not even hot.

What's the point?

Mr. Teacher, how do
I get in the book?

Great question,
Donna. Take a look.

There's still space
in the history books.

So go out there and
write your own chapter.

You might just find
your face on page 9.

[ Bell rings ]

Never mind. The
book is complete.

Women's History Hour is up!

[ Cheering ]

Boys, you've got recess forever.

Girls, back to your
sewing stations.

We need 2,000 halter
tops yesterday.

[ Cheering ]

♪♪

No cigarette breaks,
no bathroom breaks,

and don't even think
about unionizing.

Thank you so much
for joining us today

for this panel of
feminist icons.

I am so honored to
be amongst legends.

Dooga.

So let's get started.

Rhonda, as a woman,

how do you juggle
work and no family?

You know, it's really
a balancing act. I...

Perfect. Thank you so much.

And, Susan, how do you juggle?

Like this!

[ Applause ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Voice breaking] This is iconic.