01x07 - All Is Well in the Well of Loneliness

[bunniefuu]

Alba: I have such a
strange sensation.

Batty: Batty is dead.

Alba: I'm glad.

Batty: I don't want you talking

about her anymore

or else I'll have
to k*ll you too.

Alba: I'm sorry.

Batty: Don't be.
Alba: But I truly am.

I don't like to see you suffer.

Maru: I've been framed.

Alba: I guess you'll
be staying here longer.

Batty: Eventually,
you'll return to your

senses and return to me.

Alba: What is it
about this place

that makes people act so crazy?

Maru: The coast is where
the bandits, the pirates,

and the dancers live.

The sensible people all
move to the interior.

Inocencia: I never
did see the two of you

lasting very long together.

Alba: Not even to the
bottom of the quicksand?

Maru: No, no! Wait,
wait, wait! Stop, stop!

Stop!

You're gonna break his ribs!

Malone: That's the general idea.

Maru: Jesus Christ, Max!

- Don't touch me,
you f*ck' wh*re!

- Prince Charming in the flesh.

- I was trying to spare
you. None of it is true.

- What the f*ck is going on?

- We're being held hostage.

- By Fausto?

- By diamond thieves.

Did you not hear
about the robbery?

- Yeah. The 12 million?

- Uh-huh.

- That was your butler?

- He's not my butler.

- Well, how'd you get
mixed up with him?

No one's mixed
up with anyone, Max.

Thieves broke in. Max: Ow!

Why would they pick this
place out of the blue?

- Maybe you can ask them.

Malone: Since we're gonna
be working together,

let's get something clear.

I have a policy about
not working with people

I don't know, but you two
come highly recommended.

Clover: Listen, Malone.
Let me make it real easy...

- Let me finish.

I don't care that
you're a woman,

I don't go for cute sh*t.

- I don't, either.

- That makes three.

Malone: So I'm not
here to waste time

flirting or holding your
hand or being a gentleman.

The way this works,
and it barely works,

it's because I have a way
in, a way at, and a way out.

- Sir, permission to speak?

- See?

That's what I mean
about cute sh*t.

- How's that cute?
Nothing cute about it.

I'm a soldier.

I've never been
called cute before.

Clover: Deal me out.

Sierra: That was quick. Why?

Clover: Because you two
are already flirting.

Malone: That's not flirting.

- Okay, can we just go
back to three minutes ago?

So I understand you're a little,

I mean, not threatened but
taken aback by the fact

that unlike your regular
hood hottie, Clover

seems totally clueless
about her fineness

and that I am, in the words
of my Army Lieutenant,

clearly a t*rror1st's wet dream,

but it doesn't mean we
can't drive or sh**t as well

as any fat as*h*le with bad
breath and thinning hair.

- No more jokes until
after the score.

Sierra: Fine with me.

Clover?

- I'm not a complainer.
Historically.

I'm the platonic
ideal of a good sport.

But what I don't care much
for is being the mediator.

When you're stuck
behind the wheel

more than half the
time, you get hotshots

who are hell-bent on
proving to one another

who's got the biggest d*ck
and the fastest mouth.

Most of the time, it's
done for the benefit

of the neutral third party
who's stuck in the front seat

like an as*h*le minding
her own business.

This gets exhausting real quick,

so I'm politely asking
you both to pick a lane.

f*ck or don't f*ck.

But please stop trying
to out alpha one another

because it's giving
me a headache.

I don't want to be reminding
you of this for an entire week.

None of it impresses me.

Are we clear?

- Did you just say
platonic ideal?

- I may be a hood hottie,

but you're not the only natural
discussant at the table.

Yes, it is a word.

Look it up.

- Judge, Malone again.

This is the number
your man should call

when he gets to the address.

If he doesn't call
first, I fire first.

Ask questions after.

- Can I talk to you a minute?

- I know what you're gonna say.

- I doubt it.

- I lost my temper with
the pompous little sh*t,

but you didn't
hear him out there.

- Not what I was gonna say.

- Not in those words maybe,
but I was out of line.

I'm a long way from
happy about it.

- Now what I was gonna say.

- Well, what were you gonna say?

- I was gonna say
your trust problem

is getting in the way
of us moving forward,

and it's jeopardizing
the entire job.

- Okay, I'll play
along. How do we fix it?

- Ten-minute
timeout. You and I.

- When you say timeout...?

- Unless you're wired
to only go for guys.

- No, but time is a
little inconvenient.

Sierra: What's ten minutes
to our cost-time equation?

Maybe not even ten.

- You must've had the
happiest childhood on Earth

to be this confident
about everything.

- If your mood isn't greatly
improved in ten minutes,

then I'm not half the
woman I think I am.

The lion lies down
with the lamb.

- The fun part is
which is which.

- How'd you like to start?

- Depends, what do
you like to do first?

- Kiss a little to
get in the mood.

What do you usually do?

- I like taking turns,
getting my partner ready.

- We could do that.

- Who goes first?

- You have a coin?

- Rock, paper, scissors?

- Best of three.

So now what?

- I choose what I want,

and you have eight minutes
to knock my socks off.

- Fair is fair. Lie back.

- That's not what I want.

What I want is for you
to get rid of that knife.

- Mm. You saw that.

- I'm watchful like that.

- It was only a precaution.

Malone: Mm.

You're what's called a
belt-and-suspenders man.

Sierra: A what?

- You're the antithesis
of a gambler,

you refuse to get caught
with your pants down.

And in that way, we're alike.

But you're a k*ller, so
if you're gonna k*ll me,

you gotta do it with
your bare hands.

- It's a lot more effort.

- I suppose.

You might get an
elbow to the face.

- And spitting and
biting and scratching.

You think
I'm a scratcher?

- I think if I gave you a
clear shot of my eyeballs,

you'd scratch until
you clawed them out.

- Oh! That's how you see me?

- I think, given a choice,

you'll try to convince
me to k*ll Clover

and split the take two ways.
I think that turns you on.

Am I wrong?

I'm not wrong.

- Hey, how'd you do it?

- Uh, do what?

- Cut the bull.

We're not making it
out of this alive.

- You don't know that.

- Well, I do. And if
you don't know that,

you haven't been
paying attention.

The cartel will handle this

the way the cartel
handles everything.

So humor me. How'd
you k*ll him?

- I have no idea what
you're driving at.

A cuckoo ex-junkie documentarian

and a mannequin model,
suddenly living together

in their late rich
husband's estate.

Wait, you think I
was born yesterday?

- I think you've been
in television too long.

- I told you it's a
money-laundering scheme.

- Thank you, my
ever-loyal sidekick.

It's no wonder your mother said
you'd never amount to much.

- Let's leave her out of this.

- Hey, did Lolita tell you

why her mother hasn't
spoken to her in ten years?

- What's it matter if we're
not making it out alive?

- What about you, Inocencia?

Are you part of this too, hmm?

Is she in on it?

- I don't know what
you're talking about.

- I read the
autopsy, sweetheart.

Officially, Archie
died of cardiac arrest,

but I know you two k*lled him.

Let's see, money is the
motive, drowning is the means.

All that's missing is the how.

Now, my guess is that
you two poisoned him

in some clever way that the
half-assed coroner's office

is too incompetent
to figure out,

all of which would have
inevitably bubbled up

in the documentary
after pitting you two

against each other, likely
around hour number...

Uh... four, but
c'est lafucking vie.

So how'd you do it?

- We're not playing this game.

- Archie was my friend.

And I despise
conniving little shits

who think they can outsmart me.

- And especially if
they have vaginas.

- Coming up next on our
tour of female tragedy,

"Soul-sucking Pathological
Liars with Feelings."

- How'd you end up
with this loser?

- Chalk it up

to his irresistibly
charming personality.

- Why is it the more
disposable a woman is,

the more she plays
the woman card.

- Do you really
think I'm disposable?

- Why do you care what
this slimeball thinks?

- Because I believe I am endowed

with the same capacity for
thought and self-reflection

as anyone, but maybe not you.

Because you have a
general pity for mankind.

- I'm absolutely fine
with that attitude, angel.

- You and you.

Come with me.

Malone: I'm only gonna
ask you this once.

How soon can you
get this boat here?

- It's not my boat.

- I'm only going to
ask you this once.

How soon can you
get this boat here?

- Twenty minutes.

- If in 21 minutes
this boat is not here,

I will blow your ba*ls off.

Any questions?

- Roberto.

Maru: I'm sorry.

He was always so obnoxious
whenever he came into the club.

I was at a low point.

I'd just gotten fired for
biting my boss's finger

after he pointed it too close
to my face yelling at me.

I stormed outside and Max
was getting in his car.

I didn't even really
want to f*ck him.

Well, I kind of
wanted to f*ck him

but I also wanted to die.

So it's been
downhill from there.

- What happened
with your mother?

- Misunderstanding.

I may have slept
with her husband.

- You're not sure?

- Not entirely.

- Were you sleepwalking?

- I was really high.

When I was a kid, I used
to catch bugs and lizards.

And when I would set them free,

they would sort of stand there
for a minute, anesthetized,

not knowing what to do.

That's pretty much how
I felt from 15 to 20.

I was fried, I was anxious,

and I had no idea
where I was going,

but I wasn't ready to grow up.

All around me, my friends
were banging on about no GMOs,

and all organic, and free-range,

while still blowing
rows of cocaine

off the back of toilet seats.

There was some cognitive
dissonance there

I had a tricky time reconciling.

I didn't really know
anyone who wasn't on drugs.

But I admit it, it
was all my fault.

He was a lawyer
with a side business

and, uh, he paid me
to act as a mule,

packing heroin in johnnies

and moving them
across the country.

Wasn't one of his better ideas.

I knew he found me
wildly attractive

and I kept flirting with him.

Broke my mom's heart
when she walked in on us.

I was 17.

- You were just a child.

- I don't know about you
but I was a cruel child.

- You had to swallow
them, the rubbers?

- No. There are other
places to hide them.

- Oh, that's perfect.

Really perfect.
Alright, thanks.

Malone: To whom it may concern,

if you're reading this, you
already didn't do as told.

You were supposed to
call first or get shot.

That means you're all out
of mistakes for today.

What you're going to
do now is walk outside,

past the pool, and stand
between the two lines

with the money you brought.

Dial the number Ray
told you to call.

We will give you
instructions for the handoff.

You do exactly what we tell you,

and everyone walks out alive.

Does everyone have
a demonic side?

What would happen if
we were not beholden

to the moral limits of
the society we live in?

What if we all followed our
most intimate obsessions

on the regular?

Max: Max Hammond here, folks.

Now, my initial idea
to launch this network

was to show you exactly
how these spider women

got away with m*rder.

Pit them against one another

and watch their
pyramid of cards tumble

in a flurry of blatant lies.

But that's chicken feed
against our new backdrop:

a world-class diamond heist

with yours truly
caught in the middle.

What you will witness
is television history.

My name is Max Hammond,
and I flirt with danger.

Batty: Here I am, Holy One.

Alone and abandoned.
I am a murderess.

Filled with selfish
thoughts. Am I even human?

I don't feel much.

I am worthless, I am nothing,
I don't deserve to live.

I have no capacity for
thinking of others.

Well, except for Alba,

but that is only proof
of my lack of conscience.

Of my weakness.

Alba: Here I am,
about to get k*lled

over stupid diamonds,
and all I can think of

is this infuriating
creature next to me.

She reconfigured all of my atoms

and now she's acting aloof.

Could true love last
only one night and day?

I finally get why men
find women confusing.

Maru: Why is my cl*t throbbing?

There's like a little
antenna down there

that loves really
loud thumping bass.

I don't know when
exactly I first noticed

but it's definitely
a thing with me.

But I'm not in a
dance club right now,

so what the f*ck gives?

- We still have signal?

- It's like a damn cell phone
ad, the signal's so strong.

- Clover.

Clover, get us out of here now.

Clover! Start the engine!

- It's gonna be all right.
I'm gonna cover you.

- f*ck. f*ck.

Oh, my God!