01x11 - Power Shift

[bunniefuu]

Perfectorooney.

Oh! Hmm.

Ooh...!

It's a ghost!

Nah, just kidding.

I'd like you to meet...

Filmbert!

What is that?

Did you steal a checking machine
from the airport?

He is an automated camera.

- Wait, what?
- Sacramento chose our branch

to test this handsome
little guy out.

It allows customers
to take their own photos,

and it uploads them straight
to the database.

- Isn't that neat?
- No, that's not cool, Barb.

That's literally my job.
What else am I supposed to do?

Oh, you can just, like,
hang around here, and...

make sure customers know
what button to press.

Are you kidding me? What, you
want me to just stand around?

Or you can sit. Your call.
Meanwhile,

it's my last day with the boot.
I get it off today.

So, boop.

You want to get in?

Aah!

I can finally sleep laying down.

Whoo! Aah! Too soon, Barb.

Whoa.

What is with the sweats?

Did you come from
a "divorced dads

at soccer practice" meeting?

Or are you auditioning

- to play Black Rocky?
- That's Creed.

- Oh, yeah.
- No,

I raced into work this morning

because Tanya bought me

a really nice gift
for our anniversary.

Aw. That's so sweet.

No, it's not sweet.

We had a pact: no gifts.

And then I went
to do my fake workout

in the garage this morning,

and I found
a brand-new fly fishing rod.

Oh, and you love fishing.

This can only mean one thing.

It's an act of w*r.

Exactly. She's gonna lord this
over me all year long,

unless I get her something
better by tonight.

And I can't get anything
delivered by then.

She's good. She's damn good.

Can I ask,
what is the fake workout?

I take off my shirt and stare
at myself in the mirror.

That's
Renee friggin' Montgomery.

- Who friggin' what?
- Renee Montgomery, former

- pro basketball player.
- Yeah, she played for UConn,

- WNBA, and don't say...
- Aw, cute.

- That.
- Cute?

She's won
multiple championships,

- and she co-owns the, uh, Atlanta Dream, right?
- Yeah.

Wow. Look, I'm not
one of those guys who thinks

he could beat
a female professional athlete.

I know I could.

I played varsity hoops
in high school.

All six years.

- I'm so sorry. Can we... can we go back?
- Mm-hmm.

You think that you could beat
Renee Montgomery...

Sorry.

At basketball?

Colette, it's science.

Men are better athletes
than women.

Yeah, just like
men are better drivers,

and-and men are better at math.

And what else did you say
the other day?

Uh, burping on command?

Science.

Well, that's disgusting
on two levels.

- Gregg, back me up here, man.
- Pass.

Which women can't do
on the basketball court,

or in triglenom...
or in "triglegeometry."

"Triglegeometry"?
Triglegeom...? Trig...

Trigonom... "Triglenometry"?

Yeah, "tricklenometry."
That's it. Say that.

- "Triglenometry."
- Yeah. Don't hurt yourself.

At window number six.

You know, a quarter turn
would really hide

that chin you've got. Just...

Okay. Fine.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Back up, buddy.
Back up. All right. You think

you're better than me?
Prove it, skank.

Ugh! They're all great.

You know what?
You got lucky, okay?

I have perfect symmetry, so...

I see the two of you
are getting along.

This is a disaster. How could
you bring in the Terminator?

- Aw, I think he's cute.
- Wake up, Barb.

This is just the beginning
of robots replacing us.

What, did you grow up in a barn?

Hmm, not grow up, per se.

We did summer in one
for a couple years.

Till the accident.

It's just a trial program,
like the clinical study

we had to do after the accident.

Well, you should've
told Sacramento no.

It's not that easy, Ceci, okay?

There's a lot to consider
when you're manager.

Yeah, you should have
considered us, your employees.

This is a delicate ecosystem,
and it takes a lot of hard work.

You can't even fix the leak
above window 11.

Uh, you think
you can do a better than Barb?

Yeah, like I told you when
you got manager instead of me.

But now that I've seen you do it
for such a long time...

I'm certain of it.

- Then have at it.
- Hmm.

I'm going to the doctor
to get my boot off,

and you're in charge
till I return.

Great. Love that for me.

Soon you'll see

that heavy is the chest
that wears the vest.

Now serving G-50 at...

Hey, yo, Adrian.

Yeah!
'Cause you...

Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't get it, either.

Vic... Vic told me to say it.

What are you doing rummaging
through the lost and found?

I'm trying to find
a last-minute anniversary gift.

I could have sworn

there was a Citibank umbrella
in here somewhere.

For your wife of 35 years?

- Yeah.
- Gregg.

Oh, this will work perfectly.
A radio.

No.
That's a CPAP machine, mate.

Look, I'm a great
gift-giver, okay?

- Hmm.
- I'm gonna help you.

I will help you brainstorm.

- So, um... all right.
- Okay.

- When you think about your wedding day...
- Yeah.

What is the first word
that comes to mind?

Why?

Vickleback, wake up.

- Huh?
- I told Renee that you said

you could beat her.
Turns out she's free right now.

- Now? Now?
- Yeah. I mean, I wanted

to get a workout in today,
so I thought we'd play.

And then I'd work out.

You sure you want to hoop it up
in the DMV parking lot?

Oh, no, no, no, she's down.

She is so down

that she's at the core
of the earth, mining tungsten.

Someone left a Popular Science
in the ladies room.

- Hmm.
- If I had a nickel for every time

a guy said that
he could beat me,

I'd have an NBA salary by now.

Look...

would love, but I've got
a slight footgear "ish."

If it weren't
for these darn boots.

- They're gator, so...
- Oh, they're gator.

- They're gator.
- Gator skin boots.

- No worries.
- I know. Ugh.

Because she has a spare pair
of sneakers.

Turns out you're the same size.

- Let's go.
- I don't want... Aah!

Gator boy.

- Hmm?
- Okay. Okay.

Cool. Sounds good.

- Does sound good.
- Get some cardio.

Yes...

No! How is it tied?

That's game. Aw.

Yes. Come on, Renee.

- That's my girl.
- I got you.

- Please.
- Let's go.

Crush him.
k*ll him. You can do this.

- Ha! Yes! Here we go.
- What?

All right, you got lucky.

Where I come from,
there isn't any luck.

Just hard work, dedication.

This is a free workout, boy.

Rip, tear and repair.
You know what I'm saying?

- What are you talking about?
- No, no, no.

Oh! That's game. Whoo!

That's what I'm talking about.

Uh. Uh.

Oh, men are back, baby!

Men are back. Woo-hoo!

- Go back. Uh.
- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.
- I don't even know what this is.

Ah. Papa's home.

How'd your little
management experiment go?

You need a shoulder to cry on?

This vest is moisture-wicking.

Oh, hi, Barb. Good to see you
back on two feet again, but, uh,

no, all's good in Ceci's hood.

Why's it so quiet, and...

Why does it smell like I'm
getting a massage at the mall?

Oh, that would be
the calming diffusers I put out.

Yeah.
Bergamot to provide optimism.

- It's already taken hold.
- Uh, would you...

Thank you.

Sweet Kevin Bacon.

Humanity in the waiting area?

- Mm-hmm.
- Now serving C-49

at window number three.

Is that Peppa Pig's dad?

I changed the PA system

to something
a little more charming.

You know?
It's called superior management.

Oh, I also staggered
the break schedule.

The employees love it.

Well, anyone can handle
a few hours in the saddle, okay?

It takes time
to gain management muscle.

And apparently, calf muscle.

- Aah! Barb.
- Ugh.

Drop those curtains.
I don't need to see that.

You really don't think
I could handle more?

How about you give me
till the end of the day?

Unless you feel... threatened?

Unthreatened is my middle name.

Not legally. It's Jason.

Okay, great.

So, uh, you go, rest that foot.

There's got to be something
I can do to help.

Why don't you babysit
R2-D2 over here? Bye.

The average wait time
is nil minutes.

Cheerio.

The...
Is the hoop regulation or...?

I just...
'Cause I kind of thought...

I mean, do you think
Vic bought it?

I wanted to give him

one win before... the end.

The end?

Vic's dying.
He told me on the court.

It's so sad.

That is...

amazing!

Oh, yes.

Why are we celebrating?

You really don't have a picture

- of the two of you that you can frame?
- No.

Tanya doesn't like the way
her arms look in pictures.

Or my face.

What about a-a bouquet of roses?

Roses?
Are you kidding me?

Then she'd have
to wash out a vase.

- I'll never hear the end of it.
- Dude.

Dude, I thought
you were good at this.

- This only leaves one option.
- Okay.

- You write her a card.
- A card?

You mean, like, with words?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Ugh.

You tell her how you feel.

How her beauty and her grace

is unparalleled.

And how taking this
ever-winding journey together

is the best decision
of your life.

Hmm.

Ooh.

A Hello Kitty watch from a claw machine.

This is what I'm talking about.

Words.

Ugh.

So you're gonna come up here,
and then you're g...

Yeah. Then you're gonna
press that but...

Okay.

Good job.

Hmm. Not great
to feel unneeded, is it, Barb?

As long
as the customers are happy.

Mm-hmm. Sure.

Hey, hey.
Hi. Can I share?

This has been such
a pleasant experience.

- Thank you. - Thank you.
- I was here last month,

and it was, like... ugh...
hell on Earth.

But today has been
such a delight. Hard rec.

- Aw. - Aw.
- Seriously, last time,

it was, like, worse
than the post office.

Okay, thank you, ma'am.

Thank you so much
for your comment. Take care.

- Yeah. All right.
- No worries, Barb.

It's just a trial program.

You're only k*lling it because
of the delicate ecosystem

that I created.

And can un-create.

Oh, sorry, Ceci.

Let's see how you manage now.

D'oh! Winona Ryder!

Oh, my God. Sorry, Ken.

Ugh.

This must be so awkward for you.

Mm. What can I say, Vic,
other than you were right?

You are better
than a legendary WNBA player.

She did come close.

You gals will get there someday.

- You good?
- Awesome Town 5000.

It's so weird, because
Renee said you're dying.

Colette, there's something
that I need to tell you.

Oh.

Get out. We got a rematch.

Your ball, little man.

Is that all you got?

Ugh.

It's like a pixie stick

compared to a hot dog.

- It's like this one's feeding off that one.
- Barb?

Barb! Quick!
Your turn to manage again.

- Oh. Come into some trouble?
- Yeah.

It's, uh... it's giving Walmart
on Black Friday out there.

Oh, no, Ceci.

There's a stampede.
What happened?

Oh, well, the leak stopped, so
I reopened window 11, and now

everybody's fighting over
who gets to sit there, and...

- I was here first.
- Because

window 11 is the best seat
in the house,

because you can feel the AC

but you can also connect
to the Costco Wi-Fi.

- I-I didn't think of that.
- Of course, because

everyone's fighting, and
no one's covering their windows.

I know, and the customers
are yelling at me,

"I hate you, manager!"
And you know what?

I'm losing my voice
yelling back at them.

And I just...
I thought I could handle this.

I guess being manager

is not as easy as you thought.

So, the lesson
we learned today is...

I suck.

Ceci, no.

Hoover Dam it, Barb.

You Barbed too hard, as usual.

Oh, please let this be
my Groundhog Day.

Yes, Renee. You're my girl.

Get it going.
Let's get it going.

Vic, let's see some hustle.

Too easy.

I, uh, took the liberty
of wrapping the watch for Tanya.

And I thought I would include
some kind words, as well.

Wow. Noa,

this is actually really nice.

But turns out
Tanya didn't get me the gift.

The fishing rod belongs
to my brother.

- What?
- Yeah, he accidentally sent it to my house.

- You can still give it to her.
- And what,

set a precedent? What's next,
Christmas, birthdays?

- Hey, Gossip Girls, there's a game to watch.
- What?

Vic is getting destroyed.

- Oh. - Oh.
- Hot.

I need a time-out.

Yeah, we get one, right?

What?

- Come on. It's ten-nothing.
- Yeah.

- Let's just call it.
- No, no, no.

No mercy. Not-not for him.

I mean, I feel bad.

I think he actually
might die now.

You're going
to leave this place,

but then I have to stay here,

working with him,
listening to him

go on and on
about how women can't drive,

they can't take a joke,
they can't open a jar

of peanut butter.
I mean, I had

just put on lotion.

I know this is just a game.

But I am, like, the only
female driving examiner here,

and so it...

This really
means something to me.

You know? And...

I got you.

Let's go.

- Oh. So strong.
- Yeah.

Let's go, gator boy.

- Let's go.
- Time-out's over, honey.

Shot clock's on.

Okay.

I get... That's...

Come on.

Aah!

Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?
- Colette.

- It's my ankle.
- Oh, no.

You're gonna have to finish him.

No. No. I'm... I'm not a baller.

- I'm-I'm a driving examiner.
- Look, you're up by ten.

You only need one basket.

- And one basket is-is...
- Okay, listen.

I can say this because I have
a longstanding relationship

with the brand.
Just do it.

Give me the ball.

You got this.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

- I can do it.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- So, you're subbing in for her?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

- Sweet.
- Watch this.

Okay.

Sorry.

Oh. This is gonna be great.

Is that your Jetta?

Hey, I saw six of those bags

in the trash on the way in.

And, no judgment, I just wanted
to see if you're okay.

I failed my real estate exam.

- I found out this morning.
- Real estate exam?

- I thought you were trying to be a court stenographer.
- No.

- I could never find parking downtown.
- Oh.

Besides, that was, like,
two things ago.

God, I thought
I at least had this job,

and then in comes
your robot friend.

He's not a friend,
he's just an employee.

Well, he's better
at taking photos than me,

and you're better
at managing than me.

Actually, I'm not, Ceci.

I fixed the leak on purpose.

I knew what was gonna happen.

Wait. You sabotaged me?

I felt threatened.

Which is probably what you felt

- about the photo machine.
- Yeah.

Barb, if he takes my job,
I don't know where I'm gonna go.

You're going nowhere.

And I mean that
in a positive way.

Hey, you will always
have a place here.

And if you are interested

in management, I will
recommend you up the chain.

Aw. Really?

Hard pass.
Your job is a nightmare.

Oh, my God.
All the complaining.

I mean, people have
all these wants and questions

and... ugh... ideas.
Are you kidding me?

No thank you. No.
I just gave up.

I let everyone go watch
Vic play basketball

against some WNBA player
out back.

- What?
- Yeah.

What's her number?!

- Of her jersey.
- She wasn't wearing her outfit.

Aw.

I don't see your friend
anywhere.

She got hurt.

Oh! Renee Montgomery!
Oh...

This might sound weird, but

is there an age cap
for towel girls?

No!

You know, I was
thinking, I'm gonna give this gift

to Tanya after all.

I can't wait to see
the look on her face.

I-I think you mean,

"I can't wait to see
the look on her face."

No. You know the feeling
of inadequacy I've had all day?

Well, if I give her
this present,

she'll feel that way all year.

It's the gift

that keeps on not giving.

Maybe I don't want
to get married.

No. You do.

Whoopsie!

That's ten in a row.

All tied up.

- You got this, Colette.
- I don't. I don't at all.

Next bucket wins.

You want this?

- Yeah, I do.
- Too slow. No. Uh-uh.

Oh, you want it? Just take it.

Don't you want it? Well, then just...
-Give me the ball.

- Whoa.
- Oh, come on, get up.

Oh, my God!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who shot that?

You did!

Oh, my God. I won!

- No.
- I won! I won!

You're the oldest little girl
I ever inspired.

I'm gonna be a good sport
about this.

No.

Starting tomorrow.
I win. You lose.

I'm the best. You suck!

Eat it.

Yeah. Who am I?

Who am I, riding a little pony?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God.

Can't believe I spent
all day at the DMV.

I got to get out of here.

Okay.

Wait, did she fake her injury
so that I could have a win?

Okay, women are awesome.

Renee. Hey, Renee.

- Will you sign my ball?
- Oh, yeah, no problem.

Thanks.

- Here you go. Yeah.
- Thanks.

"Loser"?

God, I love her.

Ooh, Ceci.
Glad I caught you.

I've been thinking, and...

I should have fought harder
against the photo machine.

No, it's okay. I realized
you're in a really tough spot

- as manager.
- I don't think

Big Sac's
gonna take Filmbert back,

but I do happen to be
very accident-prone.

Oh, I know.
We all know.

You've had your foot in a boot
for a year 'cause you stepped

- on a rock weird.
- Which is why

it wouldn't be that odd
if I were to be walking by

and suddenly...

Aah! Carmen San Diego!

- Oh, my God, Barb! Is that your good foot?
- Ow!

Yow!

Oh, just got the boot off!

Roll him off me!

Call Barb Sr!