02x05 - Lost at Sea

[bunniefuu]

Ola.

That shouldn't be allowed.

It's cruel.

Gasolina?

Where's this?

You are here for holiday?

This. Where?

Here.

Grassy-arse.

The Mayor's prepared to proceed.

On the basis that the situation
with the press will not continue.

It won't, that is dealt with.

Good. And he wants his
money as soon as possible.

Sorting it as we speak.

I hope so, actions
speak louder than words,

but money speaks loudest of all.

You should get
that on a t-shirt.

What do you mean? Er,
it was just a joke.

This is no time for
jokes, Natasha. Of course.

Have you seen Ronnie?

No. Why?

Well, he seems to have
disappeared, it's unlike him.

Really? That's... that's weird.

Yeah.

I hope that you know what
you're doing, Natasha.

About what?

There's a lot to lose
here, for all of us.

Yeah. We'll get The Mayor his
money and it will all be fine.

Good.

Oi, Sid mate, what's
that on your swede?

You been scrapping, boy?

Pedalo fell on me.
What's this about anyway?

OK, look, we need someone
to drive the boat, Sid.

What for? We've got an
exchange with Pablo Escobar.

No. Count me firmly out.

I told you he didn't
have the minerals.

I don't want the minerals.
I knew this would happen,

he's good for nothing, all
right, we need to find Ronnie.

Albert, hold on, I
shall find Ronnie,

if I've gotta go round this
whole town punching everyone in

the face I will. Good.

But I tell you this, I'm
like a dog with a bone, mate,

I will find Ronnie Gatlin.

Maybe I could do it actually.

You just said...
I'll drive the boat,

yeah because Ronnie's
probably away on

a business trip or, in fact
I think he said he was.

He didn't say anything
to me about...

No, it's one of those
business places,

you know Kiev I think he said or,
er, Switzerland, one of those.

OK that's very nice for him

and I'm sorry for my
outburst, er, Sid.

Yeah, let's forget
about Ronnie and just.

All right, sweet, boat's sorted
then. Also, I've counted the gold.

Oh, yeah? We got
three car loads. OK.

Oh, nice. And I've got
you these. Oh, presents.

They're all the rage,
that's your one.

Motorola. They're pagers,
so we can all stay in touch.

Oh, OK. We are all gonna be
together on a boat so I dunno if...

Yeah, quite a small boat.

What if there's an
emergency or something?

You just call the number
on the back there,

you put in the code 505,

that means SOS all right
and we all meet back here.

That's, all sounds good but just,
because we're gonna be out at sea,

it's gonna be hard to find a
phone box. Won't be a phone box,

not at sea, there
wouldn't be a phone.

Just wear the f*cking
pagers, all right?

All the drug dealers
are wearing them.

These Columbians, we trust 'em?

Oh, yeah, yeah, great
firm, professional.

Sid, mate, Pablo is
salt of the earth, mate,

he's one of your own,

he even treated Albert
here to a roll about

with his favourite
prost*tute. Nice.

Oh, that's not strictly true,

I paid her to go
into a room with her.

I think I know how
prostit*tes work, mate.

Albert.

Are you doing the deal at sea?

Look, we spoke about this,

and you agreed that you ain't
gonna micromanage me, OK?

Yeah, no, no, I know, I'm just
making conversation. Yeah.

Who's driving the boat?
Sidney's driving the boat.

Sidney? Yeah, Ronnie's gone
missing for some reason

so Sidney's driving the boat.

Yeah, er, I'm sure you
know what you're doing.

Yeah, I do thanks.

Look, I know this is
hard for you to take,

not being involved but
just let me be sexy.

Let you be sexy?

Yeah, because you said it was sexy
last time when I was in control

so let me do that again,
as your husband, yeah?

Mhm. Yeah. OK, good.

I'm not sure you're using
the right sort of compass.

DISTORTED CRACKLING

Hey, where'd you
go the other day?

You just disappeared.

Oh, yeah, no, sorry about that
I, I had to rush off, it was a...

Oh, yeah? Bit of an emergency
you know what it's like with

the tap water out here.
Oh, yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, no sorry I just, er, yeah,

I'm a bit funny about using
other people's toilets,

you know, I didn't
wanna offend you.

Oh, that's hilarious.
No, I thought you,

I thought you were scared off
because I got a bit heavy.

No, no, not at all, no, I
love that, I really love that,

the heavier the better,
give me all the gossip.

The gossip. I got you these.

Ah, muchas gracias.

De nada. Como estas? Muy bien.

Donde es Alberto? Alberto..,
Albert, oh, yeah, he's, er,

he's moving some, er,
heavy stuff today.

Ah. Boring, very boring.

Here, I've got that.
Careful, it's heavy.

That's a heavy one.

Oh. Get it, get it.

There you go. Cheers.

That's how they have
it out here, no milk,

different but I like it.

Sin leche. Yeah.

You know I feel like you were in

the middle of telling me something last
time. Oh, before you dropped your guts.

Yeah. No, it was that thing
about you being in the paper.

Yeah, it's actually really
annoying all of that stuff,

erm, it's really
f*cking up my life.

Well, I don't believe
what I read in the papers.

Why don't you tell me
what really happened.

Oh, no you... you really don't
wanna know about all that.

I do. I...

Do you know what, erm...

it means so much to me
that you came round,

popped in, love it,

so nice to have a friend
but, erm, I have to go.

You gotta go? Yeah.
Well, I just got here.

Yeah, I've just remembered
that Albert has sciatica.

Sciatica? Yeah.

Really struggles to lift things,

I've gotta help him a lot of
the time. Um, so, er, yeah.

Tash... are you sure
you're all right?

You know you can talk to me.

Um, er, does that say
anything to you boys?

Hey, ask Sid. Sid. Because
I've got co-ordinates.

It's rocky, see if he can do
anything about the bumpiness.

There's nothing I can do about
the rocking, I've told you.

I've got a map here and these
things called co-ordinates,

does that say anything
to you? Yes, what we

need to do is go straight
in that direction.

What? Just straight? Yeah, just
straight as the crow flies.

How do you know it's going straight?
Crows fly straight famously.

It feels like we're just
sort of following a saying.

No, we're going in a
south, south westerly.

We need to go north,
that's what I mean.

North, no north westerly,
that's what I'm saying

north westerly direction,
leave it with me.

Sure? Yeah. You're having
soup for breakfast?

No, no, no, no.

There's something
that I simply must do,

these are the ashes of the man what
I accidentally k*lled, David Nelson.

Oh, what is that a lock of hair?

Sweet David Nelson, from
what I knew you were

a fairly likeable
chap who liked music

and talking in the front of
a car before being kidnapped

and this, my friend, is
where we lay your body,

well not actually his body,

some artefacts that I
stole from his naked torso.

Naked? Earth to earth,
water to sea and the ocean.

God bless you, my friend.

Urgh. f*cking hell Mick.
What was that? Mick. What?

f*cking hell. Covered in it.

Oi, Sidney mate, you're
driving over his ashes.

I didn't know you were gonna throw
them off the front of the boat.

A fine send-off that is,
mate, that's just selfish.

CLATTERING

Did you forget something, Av...

Surprise.

I thought you was in prison.

Well, I'm not, I'm here.

I'm here for the gold.

I don't know where the gold is.

Don't you lie to me, Natasha.

You're lying to me.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Don't be brave.
Where's the gold?

I don't know.

I'm gonna ask you again...
or I will k*ll both of ya.

OK, I'm going back.

Wait. Wait, Thread.

He's gonna k*ll her.

Do you think I give a flying
f*ck about the Fantonis?

She's gonna tell him
where the f*cking gold is.

No, f*ck that, I'm going.

f*ck it.

f*ck.

KNOCKING Are you sure you
know what you're doing?

You've been staring at that map
for ages pulling a weird face.

Don't you blame
this on me, Albert,

I never said I was an
expert map reader, did I?

You said if we pointed it
straight, we'll just get there.

Well, I don't know,

maybe we've been gradually
knocked off course by the waves.

Sidney, please tell
me you haven't led us

astray into the middle of the
ocean? I am figuring it out.

Do we have any supplies? Like a
fishing rod so we can catch fish?

We've got no way to cook it.

We could eat it
raw, like bears do.

I'm not eating raw fish. Why are
you talking about fish anyway?

We're talking about
survival, Albert,

has anyone here ever drunk
their own urine? Yes.

Oh, god no, we're not
drinking our own piss.

I'm happy to drink my own,

let you boys have a
little taste of mine

but I'll only drink
Albert's as he's my cousin.

No, sorry, I'm not
comfortable with that.

I'm talking about an
extreme situation here,

it's a matter of survival out
here, you'll drink my piss, mate.

I'm not gonna drink
your piss, Mick.

You're lying on the floor about

to die I will hold your mouth open,
and I will piss in it as you like.

Mick please, if I'm about to
die I don't wanna just go out

with you pissing in my
mouth, if I'm dying...

I'm not letting you
die out here, Albert.

Right shut up, I can
see them, shut up.

You see? I told you,

your captain knew exactly
what he was doing.

Never doubt the captain.

Ahoy there. Don't f*cking
say ahoy there, Jesus Christ,

play it cool for once
in your life, Sid.

Do we look ridiculous
on this boat?

I'm starting to feel self-conscious
about being on a fishing boat.

Theirs has got go faster
stripes like The A Team.

Everything's gonna be fine,
all right? It's gonna be great.

Hello, boy, how you doing
mate? You all right?

Hello, er, buenos dias,
como estas? Pablo is here?

Phil, why have they all
got machine g*ns, mate?

I dunno, mate. Nice,
welcome aboard guys,

nice to meet you all.
Cocaine? Where's...

Yeah, where is the
cocaine? Cocaine first?

First, you give cocaine
then we give you the gold.

First cocaine then gold.

Or you take the gold and then
we take cocaine, no problem.

We board your vessel to get the
cocaine, we need the boof, mate.

I thought this was your mates.

Yeah, they was a lot
friendlier back in Medellin.

Have you brought
cocaine in bags?

Anyone got any cocaine?

Captain? Captain.
That's me, Phil Pocket.

He might mean me because
I'm the boat captain.

I know but I've been speaking to Pablo
that's what he calls me, the Captain.

Do you mean boat captain?
Si si, boat captain.

Boat captain? Just, just to say if this
is a, er, cocaine testing situation...

Vamos, vamos, vamos... I don't
really have the palette for that.

Did you see any
cocaine now, Sid, mate?

OK, I go, OK.

Oh, woah woah woah, there's
no need for that, mate,

he didn't have a machine g*n.
That's barking. What's going on?

Sidney, you go on
I'll, I'll stay here.

Boys, I've figured it out,

they've got a smaller rigger
boat with the cocaine on it,

that's why they've
taken me as the driver.

That makes sense. Yeah, I'm comfortable
with that, I'm happy with that.

Albert? It makes sense,
they're putting it on

a rigger boat and
they'll bring it back.

If you're happy with that, I'm happy
with that. Is there a rigger boat?

I can't see any cocaine. What?

I can't see any cocaine.

Just calm down, you're
embarrassing us.

Very slick how they done this it's
sort of like how I would do it.

Yeah, yeah, I can imagine
you'd do something like this.

Do you think we should follow them
or what are we supposed to do?

Well, we can't without Sid.

Where do you suppose they've
parked the rigger boat?

They probably anchored it
up just over the horizon,

yeah, er, everything's fine.

Yeah? You sure? Yeah. It's
fine, it's good, it's fine,

I'm happy, I'm happy
if everyone... I mean

they've got all our gold and
we haven't got the cocaine

but that, that's fine, isn't it?

That's, yeah that's... wait,
what are they doing now?

What they seem to be doing
is throwing Sidney overboard.

Oh, yeah. Sidney. Do you
have eyes on the rigger boat?

Come on, mate.
What did they say?

Did you get the cocaine?

No, I didn't get the f*cking
cocaine. They threw me overboard.

Yeah, we was wondering about
that, what happened mate?

Yeah, did you say
something to annoy them?

What? No, I didn't say
something to annoy them.

They threw me off the boat
because I'm the captain.

Yeah, but why though?

Look, so we couldn't
follow them obviously.

It's the equivalent of throwing
the car keys in the hedge,

except there aren't any
f*cking hedges in the sea.

But you still have
the keys for the boat?

Do boats have keys? I'm the
keys. I'm the f*cking keys.

You're missing the whole point,
they've f*cking stolen all our gold.

Albert, what we gonna do?
I don't f*cking know, Sid.

I know what we're gonna do,
we're gonna f*cking chase 'em...

Oh, great, the big
man steps up, yeah?

Oh, and if we manage to catch them,
which we almost certainly won't,

I'm sure you're gonna let them
all have it with your big g*n.

What, you think I don't
know how to sh**t it?

You've never k*lled a man in your
life. I'll f*cking sh**t you.

Yeah? Do it. Stop it,
Phil stop it, Phil.

You put that g*n down now,
you're making Albert cry.

I'm not crying, all right,
there's just shock in my eyes

because we've lost
the f*cking gold.

This is a big misunderstanding,
do they not know who we are?

What are you talking
about? Don't you get it?

We're not cut out for this,
none of us are, we're nobodies.

Tash is gonna f*cking k*ll me.

Ma McTavish was
right, she warned us,

the gold there is cursed,
since we come across it,

we've been showered
with shitty luck,

buggered with misfortune,
finding that gold,

that's the worst thing
that's ever happened to us.

Where's the gold?

It's just down here.

You are a bad man.

Aren't we all?

Stay where you are, Cornell.

Is that where the
gold is, Fantoni?

There is no gold.

Have you set me up? You'd
better not be lying to me.

Well, she is a f*cking
liar, ain't she Clive,

you can see there's
no gold there.

Now the game's over,
put down your g*n.

I ain't putting anything down.

Spanish plod's on
their way as we speak,

they've got a tendency to sh**t
first, ask questions later, Clive.

Show me the gold. Clive, this ain't
your style, is it, sh**ting women.

Show me the f*cking
gold. Cornell.

Argh!

If you've set me up
and you're lying to me,

I'll put one right in your
f*cking belly right now.

You're not getting
the gold. Yes, I am!

No, you're f*cking not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I should, I should k*ll you.

Why would you do that? Hey? Hm?

Because you're a f*cking thief

and I can't let you
get away with it.

Yes, you can, we're
not the bad guys,

we're not the bad guys.

Yeah, we stole some gold but
what difference would that make

to whoever we stole it from? Eh?

We just wanted a little earner,
you know how we grew up,

you know where we've come from,

we just wanted a way
out for our kids.

We didn't know it would end up
like this. We're not K*llers.

Argh! SHE SOBS