01x04 - The Olmec Babies

[bunniefuu]

[hisses]

[hisses]

[distant hissing]

[thudding, creaking]

[Alex] In excavation, it's very important

not to disturb anything.

It's a delicate dance

of brushing and scraping.

[Sky chuckles] Could you please

get that out of his mouth?

[Russ chewing]

Oh, he's fine.

I'm sure he's just teething.

Plus, a little dirt's good for him.

Dirt is our friend.

Yes, it makes the flowers grow,

doesn't it?

-[babbling] Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-[Russ blows, cries]

[shushes] No, it's okay.

-It's okay. Uh, uh. Honey.

-[crying continues]

[Sky] Okay, come on now. [humming]

-[crying stops]

-[Alex chuckles] You've got a gift.

[Alex] Your cuddles have never failed.

[laughs] Are these excavation videos

or family memories?

Alex shot a lot of video,

loved to capture everything.

He was good at that.

What he wasn't good at

was keeping track of it all.

What about these?

"How to shave."

"How to change a spare tire."

What are these?

Ah. Alex knew he might

be forced to leave you early

and you would need some fatherly insight.

[sighs]

[faint crying]

Is that crying?

Uh, did you start another video?

No, it appears to be

coming from somewhere out there.

[crying continues]

-[Larry grunts]

-[Stanley] Hmm.

Hmm?

[crying continues, louder]

This way, in the Mesoamerican chamber.

[Russ panting]

Whatever's crying

is definitely in this room.

[crying continues]

Hit the lights.

[grunting]

Oh, the lights in this area

can be tricky sometimes.

Larry, can you check the cord connection

in the next room?

Aye, aye, Captain.

-[Stanley] Well, go on. I'm right here.

-[gasps]

[whimpers]

[grunting]

[breathes deeply]

I am not good in tight spaces.

Hey, is that a long-count Mayan calendar?

Wow. I've always wanted to-- Ah!

[grunts] Stupid briar.

[sighs] No way. I can't do this.

I'm waiting for the lights.

The cords are fine.

The lights are old as dust.

Keep jiggling it.

[grunting]

Don't worry, kid. I'll locate the culprit.

[crying continues]

[grunts, gasps]

[crying]

Uh, found it.

Hey, yeah.

I'm still not used to this

whole artifact-coming-to-life thing.

Yeah,

but not all of them are this annoying.

How do we get it to stop?

Well, don't look at me.

I have no experience dealing with babies.

[both] Hmm?

[sighs]

[Russ] Hey, there.

It's okay, little guy.

[baby babbles, cries]

[both gasp]

All right, yeah. This is beyond us.

-[Pandora humming]

-[clicks]

You need help with what?

-[grunting] Ow. Ow.

-[Stanley grunting]

[Stanley screams, grunts]

[baby cries]

I'm really over this.

Agreed.

[Larry, Stanley] Hmm.

Don't worry, boys.

I've had plenty of experience.

This is a perfect opportunity

for the tried-and-true

Sky Vanderhouven DHC method.

[grunts] First, D, diaper.

The main cause of tears

is usually a dirty rump.

Okay, obviously, no diaper.

Onto H, hungry.

A hungry baby is a cranky baby.

Does anyone have any food?

Hmm.

-[rummages]

-Hmm?

-You keep candy in there?

-[crying continues]

Do you guys even eat?

No. But a good sailor

is prepared for anything.

[babbles, cries]

Now that's just ungrateful.

That's fine. We've still got C, cuddling.

Sky's famous cuddles have never failed.

Okay. [laughs] There, there.

[humming]

[babbles, cries]

It's not working. What's the next step?

[sighs] There is no next step.

DHC has always worked.

[babies cry]

Oh, no. It woke up another one.

Uh, it's okay.

[shushes]

[crying continues]

-[both gasp]

-You two get that third one.

-But we don't know what--

-Come on.

Anything to stop this awful racket.

[grunts]

[laughs] Well, with all of them awake,

at least it can't get any worse.

[crying, hissing]

Ugh. It's so loud.

-What's going on down here?

-[shushes]

A baby statue? That's so cute.

[baby cooing]

[singsongy] Baby, go to sleep.

Sleep, little baby.

You are stinking cute.

And you need to go to sleep.

[crying, hissing stops]

[normal] What?

I guess I'm just a born nurturer.

-Aren't I, sweetie? Aw. Yes, I am.

-[clicks]

How do you parents do it?

All that crying.

I couldn't even see straight.

Honestly, when someone you love

needs you, you just figure it out.

Good thing I'm so skilled at lullabies.

Worked like a charm.

Okay, so clearly these are the next

artifacts we need to make right by.

And the quicker we return them,

the better.

What do we know?

Well,

we found them in the Mesoamerican room,

-so they're probably from Southern Mexico.

-True.

And I believe the Olmec

were the only ones

who carved baby figures like this.

Olmec? What's that?

An extremely old civilization

that predates the Aztecs.

Frankly, a lot about their culture

is a complete mystery.

Hey, I found them.

-[Pandora] Boom! Mystery solved.

-[Russ groans]

I've got some bad news.

I don't think it's gonna be that easy.

Nothing ever is.

According to what it says

in Cornelius's journals,

he bought them from

an ill*gal black market dealer.

[sighs] Great.

So we have no idea what temple

they were taken from or even what region.

So does that mean we can't return them?

Not necessarily.

My old mentor at the museum

might be able to help.

She's a whiz at tracking down

an item's source of origin.

That would be super helpful.

Can you hold down the fort

while I leave for a bit?

I guess. We'll have to just figure it out.

[Sky] These baby monitors will help.

They served your father and me well.

[vehicle engine starts]

[humming]

Ugh. Why do you insist on having

that thing with you all the time lately?

Do not call her "that thing."

Her name is Linda.

You know this is her molting week,

and she can't be left alone

during this vulnerable time.

Whatever.

Here, I'll take first shift.

But if I need backup,

I'll call out for you.

Be on the ready.

10-4, good buddy.

-[monitor beeps]

-[laughs]

[Animatronic T. rex]

Welcome to the Paxton Museum.

Come see my friends in the Dino Wing.

[roars]

I'm tickled pink you reached out, Sky.

-Hey. [groans]

-[groans] It's been too long.

Thank you so much for seeing me,

Director Snitker.

Please.

I may be the director now,

but I'm still just good old Georgia.

How's that husband of yours?

You know, Alex. Lively as ever.

Uh, that is a beautiful piece.

Macedonian, if I'm not mistaken.

Indeed it is.

I'm sure you have a few

in that eccentric mansion.

Maybe. That house is full of surprises.

Mm-hmm. So, you mentioned on the phone

you had a question for me

about an artifact.

Yes, that's right.

What do you know about tracking

the provenance of Olmec figures

that were purchased rather than

excavated by a legitimate archaeologist?

That's almost impossible.

As you know, that civilization collapsed

nearly 2,500 years ago.

And then most of their temples

were looted by tomb raiders after that.

Of course.

But don't you know of

any purchase records or anything?

Sadly, no. [sighs]

I assume you're asking

because of the new exhibit.

New exhibit?

Yes,

a traveling exhibition of Olmec artifacts.

We're very fortunate they chose us.

Many museums were vying for the honor.

So these pieces just arrived?

Yes, we open in three days.

I'll give you a behind-the-scenes tour.

We should have some extra batteries,

just in case this batch runs out.

Very well. Go get some from Alex's study.

You should do it. You have hands.

[scoffs] You're fully capable.

You only bring up the hands scenario

when you're too lazy to do something.

Could you please keep it down?

Fine!

I will do it. [scoffs]

[grumbles]

[grunts, gasps]

[crying]

I am so sorry.

Code red. Code red.

[Russ] Code red.

-[actor on TV] Grandpa, is that you?

-[gasps]

[growling on TV]

[actor 2] Oh, no.

Grandpa is a zombie!

-[crying continues]

-[shushes]

Oh, no. I think I broke it.

Hmm?

-[hisses]

-[screams]

[both gasp]

This is not good.

-[hisses]

-Uh-oh.

-[Larry grunts]

-[Stanley screaming]

[grunting]

[screams]

[TV announcer] Back to Zombie Grandpa

after these messages.

[Russ screaming, grunts]

Uh-oh. Russ needs my help.

Oops, my bad.

[Russ screaming]

The collection concentrates

upon transformation figures,

as the Olmec believed

that such sacred objects

could transform into animals

such as jaguars, bats or even reptiles.

So, this artifact just arrived?

Just two nights ago.

[gasps]

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

[grunting] Get back!

-[screams, grunts]

-[hisses]

[grunts, screams]

[hisses]

[panting] Phew, lost it. [sighs]

[snarling]

[grunts]

[screaming]

-[Stanley grunts]

-[Russ panting]

[grunts]

[hisses]

[Larry, Stanley, Russ grunting]

[screams]

[panting] What happened to the babies?

-[growling]

-Pan, run!

[whimpering]

[screeching]

Huh?

[gasps]

Pan, you didn't calm them down earlier.

It was Linda!

Because she's a lizard?

No,

because she reminds them of their mother.

[gasps]

-[Stanley] Hmm.

-Ah!

[Pandora]

Let's give them a family reunion.

Okay, everybody act cool.

Just a simple reverse heist

to reunite a statue family

after hundreds of years apart.

Totally normal.

After having to take care

of these little guys for a short time now,

I want to fully apologize

for everything I must have

put you through when I was little.

Yeah, this is more work and stress

than I could've ever imagined.

It is a lot of work.

But it's worth every second.

[gasps]

[hammering]

[saw buzzes]

Their lunch break should start any minute.

[guards chattering]

Okay, that should give us plenty of time

to slip in

and return these babies to their mother.

What about the guard?

You just leave that to me.

Linda, keep the babies in line.

[clicks]

Please, sir, we need your help.

A child is causing trouble

in the Egyptian exhibit.

He's trying to unwrap the mummy!

Don't worry, ma'am,

this is what I trained for.

[clicks]

[camera shutter clicks]

[Animatronic T. rex]

Come see the dinosaur exhibit!

-It's a roaring good time! [roars]

-[screeches]

[gasps] Wait, Linda!

[babies cry]

Uh… [gasps] …oh, no!

[shushes]

It's okay, Linda will be right back.

[stammers] Pan, help!

-[Pandora panting]

-[shushing]

Oh, no! They're about to go full lizard!

[patron] Could you please

get control of those children?

Some of us are trying to enjoy the museum.

We are so sorry. We're trying our--

Hey, don't you dare judge

our babysitting skills!

You have no idea!

[patrons scoff]

[chuckling]

[babies hiss]

They're escaping!

[Pandora grunts]

Why are you still here?

You should be inside by now.

Two of the babies crawled into the vent.

-No time to talk! Mom, you watch this one.

-[gasps]

Russ, you're with me.

[grunts]

Don't do that.

Air vents are not

safe transportation corridors.

Oh, man. More tight spaces?

[sighs] You can do this.

[hisses]

[sighs]

-[patron] Heavens! A lizard!

-[Sky gasps]

Linda! [panting]

[both grunting]

[grunts] Which way?

-[vibrations rumbling]

-Over there!

-[gasps] We're going to have to split up.

-[Russ] There, too!

That's a horrible idea.

Splitting up never turns out okay.

We should--

[sighs] Why do I even bother talking?

[grunting]

[gasps]

Hey, lizard baby, get back here!

[hisses]

Um, please?

[screams]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[panting]

[panting]

[screeches]

[gasps]

[chuckles] You're a fast one, Linda.

But not as fast as me.

[clicks]

[gasps] Uh-uh. Oh, no, you don't.

[squeals]

[sighs] You can do this.

Phew.

I really hate this.

Where are you?

-[hisses]

-[screams]

I can't believe I'm doing this.

[panting]

[sighs] I lost it.

[gasps] Oh no, I lost it!

[panting]

[vibrations rumbling]

You may be able to quiet your footsteps,

but vibrations don't lie.

You're close.

[gasps]

[snarling]

Huh?

[grunts]

[hisses]

Sorry, but this is for your own good!

[grunts]

Russ, I'm coming!

[grunting]

[grunts] Got you!

[gasps]

[grunting] Stop squirming! [yelps]

[both screaming]

[Russ] Hold on!

[both scream, grunt]

[Pandora gasps]

We're alive!

-Kids! Are you okay?

-Yep.

All four of us.

Huh? [grunts]

[hisses]

[scraping, thud]

Aw. Now, that's a beautiful sight.

I guess making right by something

doesn't always mean bringing it back

to the region where it came from.

Yeah, looks like every artifact is going

to need something different from us.

Each one is its own puzzle.

Luckily, you kids are so good

at putting the pieces together.

I took care of those babies.

It wasn't easy, but they needed me.

So, I figured it out.

[chuckles]

Yep, our kids were amazing, Alex.

You would have been proud.

Hold a sec.

That might work!

[pants] I found a way to reach Dad!