01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

Can I help you, sir?
Yes. I am looking for Esther Tate.

I can leave a message for you.

No... No, no. I, uh... I should
really tell her in person.

It's very sad news.
Erm, I live near her, and, er...

..I ran over her cat.

Excuse me?

Poor little guy, he just...
He just ran right into the road.

I feel really cut up about it.

Oh, no. Don't worry.
If it's any consolation,

it's very, very new.

I don't think she had time
to get attached.

Can I go tell her?

She'll... She'll be in the gym.

OK.

Check, check. Microphone check.

I like microphones.
Microooophooooooone.

Check. Microooophooooooose.

Hey, see you back here at two,
yeah, Paul?

Oh, uh, actually, maybe
more like 3:45?

I was going to have a drink with
a friend.

N-no, that's not how this
works, Paul.

I asked my dad,
and he said it was OK,

and he's actually technically
your boss.

You're an intern, you can't just
go for a drink. Paul...

Er, hey, hello. Hi,
erm, I can take that.

That's for, er, Josh and
Esther, right?

Yeah, Joshua Walker.

Yeah. I can... I can take that.
I'm the neighbour. The safe place.

Yeah, no, I'm meant to take this
back to the depot.

No, but then they'll have to go
and get it. Come on. Be a pal.

# Ooh-laa-ooh, sa-lacka, ooh-la,
ooh-la, ooh-ooh

# Ooh-laa-ooh, sha-lacka, ooh-la,
ooh-la, ooh-ooh

# I set up camp in the centre of
town

# Ready for freedom when it all
comes down

# Snapping my fingers, walking
around

# I'm the dusty jewel in the
thrown-out crown

# Got a bus pass to make my way... #

No, that's not how you pivot, Aisha.

You need to keep one leg
on the ground.

If you use both, you're just doing
the Macarena.

Jeez... Zack?

Hey. I'm really sorry.

Is that your boyfriend, Miss?

Yeah, all right,
we'll wrap it up there.

Everyone go and get changed.
Thank you.

He's really fit, Miss.

THEY GIGGLE

Don't... Don't get a big head over
it, they're 14,

their hormones are set off by
the CPR dummy.

Why... Why are you here?

Well, if the receptionist asks,
I... I k*lled your cat.

I don't have a cat.
Oh, I know.

I... I mean, I don't know,
I just presumed.

Erm, I think, we mixed up our
prescriptions.

Oh, yes. Sorry.

Erm, just so you know,
I did open the bag.

When I got into work, in fact, I was
going to have my antibiotic.

So, you saw the, um...
Viagra.

Is that... Is that what you're
stressed about? Mate, don't stress.

No, it's just, erm...

I just don't want Fola to worry.

We don't have a problem or anything,
it's just...

..a stupid impulse
purchase. I get ya.

We've all got our sh*t, you know?

Like our brains are weird
and our sex parts are weird

and they don't work very well
together sometimes.

Sure, yeah. Like, there are times
where I spend all day

thinking about shagging.
Not... Not right now

because of my whole UTI thing,

but then I'll think about it
all day,

and when the time comes,
my vag*na refuses to play ball.

Do you know what I mean?
A hundred percent.

The old girl's just like.

IN FRENCH ACCENT: Non, non, non,
not tonight, Esther.

I have other plans.

Uh, my vag*na is French, apparently.

Whose vag*na's French, Esther?

Ah. Er, Karen.

You must be the famous Josh.

Er, no. No, no, no. Er, actually,

this is Zack. Zack is my neighbour.

Zack, this is Karen.
She's the head of the school.

I am. Why are you here?

He... He k*lled my cat.

Er, with a car. Not deliberately.

I thought I should tell her.

Oh. I didn't know you had a cat?

No, I don't. As it turns out.

Erm, we think... We think it was
Mrs Donnelly's from downstairs.

Now I have to go tell
Mrs Donnelly I k*lled her cat.

What a day.

Well, this is very confusing.
Esther.

Erm, are you still covering
detention with me later?

Yep. Great. Nice to meet you.
Oh, bye.

I should probably go.
But just so you know,

none of this is anything
to be ashamed of.

Obviously, I'm not... I'm not going
to tell anyone.

But you told me and the
world didn't end.

I guess it didn't. Thank you.

This, erm... Ooh, this was fun.

I feel like... Feel like we're
proper friends now. Yeah.

BELL RINGS
I'll see you soon.

So, Damien, what do you think?

The previous owners put
the extension out there

and then they put the skylight in.
Wow!

You asked for the tour.
Don't be a prick about it.

Also, I couldn't help notice the
bag of prosecco bottles.

Almost like you had a house-warming
party and didn't invite me.

Ooh, busted!
Hey, I am your oldest friend, Fola.

No, you absolutely are not.

Well, I'm your most interesting
friend.

Urgh. I didn't invite anyone,
Damien.

Erm, it was just...Zack's friends.

Eesh, that's probably for
the best, then.

What do you mean, it's for the best?
Well, if it was full of

Zack's friends, it probably wasn't a
very good party. Why?

Because they're Zack's friends.
Why do you not like my husband?

Who's Joshua?

Damien, answer the question.

No answer mine first. Who's Joshua?
Er, it's Josh. He's a neighbour.

They delivered it here by mistake.

Mm. Let's open it.

No. Why do you not like Zack?

Well, look, he seems very nice.

In the same way that,
I don't know, dogs are nice.

Or crisps. Oh, you know what, it's
not even about him.

It's about this.

He's dragged you into
this neighbourhood

so you can have your dinner parties
where you sit around

and talk about skylights and
catchment areas

and TV bloody boxsets.

Well, at least I'm not still
living like I'm 22.

And maybe I wanted this.
What if I....

What if I needed this?

Well, all I'm saying is it'd be nice
to get you out.

In fact, I'm meeting up with the old
g*ng tomorrow night.

You should come.

Yeah, maybe.
He won't be there, Fola.

He won't.

Now are you sure we can't open this?

Oh, go on, then.

Ugh. Boring.

Soz, man, lost track of time.

What? It's nearly four, Paul,
I told you to be back at two.

The band's due any minute.
And I said 3:45,

so if you think about it,
I'm only a little bit late.

Yeah, OK, just go and check the
levels in there, OK?

RING TONE

Josh?

Put him on loud speaker.

Hi, Josh. Yeah, hi,
how come you're both at home?

Nina gave me the flu.

Uh, Georgia gave me the flu.
What's up?

Yeah, so, erm...

You know the thing we talked
about the other night?

Despite you being completely
vague, yes,

I think I know what you're
talking about.

Erm, yeah, well, so,
I... I took your advice.

Sort of.

Erm, except that I might have
kissed her...

..that night, after the party.

So, you took my advice for,
what, two hours?

So, did you just call
to brag about it?

No, no, no, no. She wants me
to come over tonight

and, you know, I'm just thinking,
the kissing that might have

sent some, you know,
mixed messages.

Meeting up definitely doesn't
sounds like a good idea.

What if there's more kissing?
Do you want to be like Dad?

Well, I mean, only in the sense
that he has all his hair

in his sixties, so...

I assume you haven't told
Esther about this yet?

Er, well, no, obviously.

Well, Josh, that should be
your main focus. Sort it out.

Look, I don't think it would be some
giant international crisis, Josh,

if you just talk to her.
Draw a line under it.

You didn't grow up with him,
you don't know that he's

completely incapable of...
Look, all you've got to do

is go round there and make it clear
that, even though you kissed her,

you don't want things to go
any further.

Yep, yep, fine. I can do that.
Go on, then,

say what you're going to say.

Well, no Nina. I'm not going to,
like, do it out loud, like...

Do it, Josh.
Fine.

"Fola, I'm sorry I kissed you,
I shouldn't have,

"but I'm in love with Esther,

"so I think we should
avoid each other from now on.

"Goodbye forever."

I'll ignore that last bit.

Say that and then do something nice
for Esther this evening.

OK, yeah, bye.

# Oh, this is a high that
I can't get from nobody else

# You know I'll never let this
feeling go to waste

# No, oh, no, no way
PHONE VIBRATES

# This must be
a love from a higher place

# Closing my eyes
and I still know the taste

# The touch of your skin
when the sun hits your face

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time

# Lifetime

# Lifetime-time #.