02x01 - Can't See the Blood for the Trees

[bunniefuu]

And today, serial k*ller Willie Watkins was sentenced to multiple life sentences. The

m*rder spree, known as the Wheels on the Bus m*ssacre, was foiled by a pair of local coach

tour operators and private investigators, Terry Bremmer and Gemma Draper. There he is!

This isn't over, Terry and Gemma! You never really get rid of me. I'm like a verruca.

This is just the beginning.

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I can't! I can't! Oh, my head! Oh! Can you slow down, please?

I get travel sickness! What do they want? What do they want? If this is about the flying

thing? Pull over! Let's put an end to this! Whatever they say! Whatever they say! Oh!

Hello, Colin! Mind your head! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Do it now! No! No, no, no, please! I'll do anything! I'll even clean up that mess I left

in my backseat! Let's just talk about this, Gemma! Ahh! Welcome to Couples Counselling.

Surprise! Yeah! No! No! No! This is our new case. I know I didn't tell you about it, but

if I had you to just be worried we'd miss the wedding, all you need to know is we're

fully undercover, follow my lead, and I believe in you. We were supposed to be going on the

luxury spa there before our wedding. It does not feel like that. Someone's coming. Be undercover.

Hi, guys. I'm Neil, the course leader. Hi, Neil. This is Brad, and I'm Angelina. Like

the film stars? Yeah. You couldn't make it up, could you? Well, here, we like to think

that while everyone around might look at you and say, these people should be together. They

do. They do say that. Do they? I think they most definitely do say that. But we're going

to prove them wrong. Come, meet the rest of our group. Thank you.

And so the new case begins. Terry and Gemma may not solve this case, but Brad and Angelina

are on it like a comp on it. And Brad's a bit annoyed about being basically kidnapped

by Angelina. The head office told us they're getting death threats. They said they worried

about something terrible happening this weekend. So you're telling the podcast listeners all about

this before me? We've only got 64 followers, and 63 of them is you, checking that it's

uploaded properly. Terry is failing to be supportive about our amazing podcast. Because

Terry has soiled himself. I will be perfectly honest with you, I'm not at all comfortable

being outside. She kind of likes you. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's actually a bit of a surprise.

Thank you. Sometimes. I mean, not all the time. Welcome to the beginning of the end

of your relationships as they are. We will work through your issues, but we'll only do

this when we let it all out in the open. That's right. Two days and two nights of hiking,

bushcraft and survival exercises to bring your failed marriages back from the precipice.

To start, everyone put your phones in this secure pouch. I'll chuck it on the Jeep,

you get them back at the end. Oh, yes, please. Let the babysitter sweat it out on her own.

That is my mum. It is, yes. What? Are you kidding? We asked participants to take a hiatus from

technology so they can focus on reconnecting with their partner. Don't plug into the world.

Plug into each other. But you see, I've got a cousin who's going through a quite nasty divorce.

Yeah. There's a lot of juicy back and forth going on on Facebook. Thank you.

My phone. My everything. Emma's an influencer. You don't need to introduce me, Darren. Yeah.

I've got 500,000 followers. That's over a million. We're trying to break your addiction to social

media, babes. Just give it... This place is a sort of barrier in our relationship whereby

I'm just an accessory in our marriage on Emma's various posts. Sort of just mainly

hold up Gucci handbags. But, Darren, phone. I need phone. What if I need to take a selfie?

We will cope. You do not need to take a selfie. Just ask me what you look like and I'll just

describe you to yourself. It's not for me, you moron. I need my followers to see what I'm doing.

I'm a brand, yeah? An honest, truthful depiction of what I'm up to and what I look like with

filters. Let it go, babe. Some things are more important than a phone. My Facebook followers

are going to really miss my daily updates. But you know what? Saving my marriage is more important.

Because it's falling apart, isn't it, darling? Oh, yes, darling. It is. It's in taffers.

Very inconvenient.

I want my phone!

She'll calm down in a minute. It's just a tantrum. We see loads of those, don't we?

Yeah. We've got six kids. We're not sure if we're staying together for them or if we're just too

tired to get a divorce. That's why we're here. Have you got kids? No. Honestly, don't. Oh, God,

no, don't have kids. That is the one thing we can actually agree on. We should never have had kids.

Now we've got six of the leeches. And on that note of delicious regret, off we go! This way, please!

This way, please! Come on, this way, shall we? Come on!

After the first baby, we just started arguing. So we thought a new baby might bring some love back

into the relationship, but it didn't work. So we had a third baby. Thought that might help,

but that didn't work. I think we had the last three just to spite each other. Thankfully,

we're too knackered to make any more. The only way I could get pregnant now is if Devon fell

into me the right way while I was having a nap. Christ's sake. Don't blame it on your children,

darling. Passion just fizzles out on its own. Do you remember, Aaron, when we had the passion,

darling, before it all went away, darling? Oh, certainly do, darling. But then we replaced it

with our passion for local politics. A lot more rewarding and a lot less wiping things down

afterwards. I mean, do I miss Aaron slipping off his chinos and plunging me into a world of flesh?

Sometimes. There's something so much more exciting about power, raw power. Keep talking.

Like when I had you close down that Italian restaurant because the waiter wouldn't flirt

with me. Or when I denied Brenda next to a planning commission because... She had plastic

butterflies on her house. She had plastic butterflies on her house.

And that is the problem, you see? Yes. Sexually, nothing turns us off more than

the thought of having sex. But you'll get us talking about our abuse of official council

policy. And we are a couple of very dirty curties. Dirty curties.

Just a minute. Brad's suffering, yeah? In his past made-up life. He really let himself go.

Just go on with... Very wise, Brad. Conserve your energy. You're going to need it.

Sandra's going to thoroughly grill you. Emotionally. She can see the poison beneath

the surface of any relationship and squeeze it out like a... Like an emotional blackhead.

It's true. I even did it with mine and Neil's. We were together once, but then,

as we developed this therapy program, I identified the reasons as to why our marriage was utterly

doomed. Sandra has intimacy issues. And Neil is needy and weak. But we built this business

with our life savings. So, like many of you, we are adrift in an ocean of love debt until

one of us drowns. Angelina, can we leave now, please? No. We have to solve this case. What's

your rush? I've stepped on an ant's nest. Please, help me k*ll her. k*ll them all. Angelina.

Yeah? You didn't take this job because you feel like we need counseling, did you? Oh,

what do you like? Well, I used to have a nook. Tell me they're on your face. They're all

over your face. Go on. Show them who's boss. So sad to see. They really need this place.

How many of them? So much anger. Can you hear me? Please. Help me k*ll them. k*ll them

all. Silence. It's time to break you down so you can truly see the other person for

who they are. Have you chosen a soul mate to journey through life with or just given

in and settled? Now we find out. We're searching for truth here, guys, in an exercise we call

a shock to the system. Oh, grand. It's about feeling about this. Shut up. Now, as with

our other couples, guys, we're going to share some truths between one another. And if you

don't like that truth, you can administer a small electric shock to your partner. How

many volts are in the shock itself? Well, we hook it up to a farmer's electric fence

just through that forest there. It's solar powered. But with the advances in solar technology,

it can give quite a belt. It can, yes. Suck it up. The pain of living a lie is worse.

Be grateful, guys, for this learning experience. It will bring you both together. Can I get

a yap? Yap. Oh, and Devon. You're finally beginning to accept Beatrice's truth about

conceiving your youngest child with another man in the car park of a Toby Carvery. Yeah,

I'm really starting to feel that processing going on now. And I'm starting to forgive

Emma for treating me like an accessory to her influence of life. Yes, Darren. I accept

it was my fault you were able to give up work and sit on your backside. There's no blame

here, babes. Safe space, yeah? OK, Brad, why don't you tell us the truth about Angelina?

Well, to tell you the truth, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. No complaints

here. As a man, I am satisfactorily punching well above my waist. Come on, I can take it.

Come on. There is one thing, though, that really makes me love Angelina, is that she's

very task-oriented. Mm, I think there's more. Do you? Mm. Let it flow, Brad. Let it flow.

Like... Like when she was so focused, yeah, on getting us to this retreat,

that she completely ignored my plans for a lovely pre-wedding spy break.

You're not even married yet. Oh, my God, get out while you can.

Sorry, but it's true. I wish I'd married your sister. Me too. Angelina, no holding back.

Give us your truth so we can hear your screams of relationship-affirming pain.

I love that bit. OK, and I mean this kindly, but I think one of the things that endears

me most about Brad is that he can't stop going on about our bloody wedding.

Well, I can work on that. Brad, do it. Do it. It's awesome.

He wouldn't dare, to be honest.

Help! Oh, my God. Gabriel! That was too fast.

Gotcha.

It gets my loins moist, huh? How Angelina disregards every single little thing that I

care about. Oh, well, what really turns me on is how Brad can win to Olympic standards

about absolutely nothing. Angelina breaks when she's asleep and blames it on me.

I don't. Fry him. Light him up.

Don't be scared.

Time to ride the lightning, please.

OK, perhaps we leave it there. Seems like a good time to call it a day.

Really? We're just getting good.

Um, we'll deliver food to your shelters. There's an organic wild mushroom soup, handpicked

by yours truly, or bacon sandwiches. For those of you who enjoy eating the flesh of innocent

animals, which in turn is strangling mother earth, not that I'm here to lecture anyone

about that.

You always find a way. Go on then, lovebirds. Let's get you disconnected.

Oh, my God, that was amazing.

Was it?

Yeah. Look at us, falling onto cover. Brad and Angelina slacking each other up. No one

suspects a thing.

Oh, amazing.

So I did well.

I was a good boy.

Yeah.

I think the electricity has made my teeth go soft.

Gemma.

Gemma.

Oh, it stinks. Is that you?

There's something outside.

Well, go and take a look then, Scaredy-Pants.

You know, I think I'd better have stayed in the sleeping bags. I had to protect you from

predators and monsters.

Fine. I'll have a bloody look.

And if it's any monsters, I'll say you're in your impregnable sleeping bag.

He's definitely dead. Bless him.

Hmm. Yeah, but what's wrong with this face?

Bishop's ba*ls.

I've never seen a pear, but if you think there's a lightness.

It's a mushroom. Very poisonous. They grow around here. He must have, I don't know,

accidentally slipped one into his mushroom soup. I told him 100 times this would happen.

The idiot.

I don't mean to offend Sandra, but this is pretty shocking.

And you don't seem very upset.

No, I was a minute ago, but then I used my advanced therapeutic training to

sort of speed up the grieving process. I'm at peace with it now.

Is that possible? To speed up your feelings?

Yes. I mean, when my mother died,

I was laughing with the firemen before they'd even cut her out of the car.

Night-night.

What?

Hang back a bit. We're going to look for clues.

Oh, clues not on his body.

Oh my God, no. Have you seen him?

Hmm.

Oh, right. What's over here? Oh, Terry, it's a dump. I think I found something.

Listen to this. F and D, having an affair, £2,000 paid.

J, stealing from B's mother, £3,000 paid.

Y, ran over cat, blames neighbour, £5,000 paid.

Terry, these aren't just notes. This is information he's gathered about the people

on the counselling course and he's using it to blackmail them.

People with deep pockets. £5,000 that dresses a cat and live with him? Permanently?

Keep your eyes peeled here, Terry.

There's people with secrets and we're going to find out who.

I can't believe this. He's dead. Dead, Darren.

Focus, Emma. Talk to me about your feelings. Communicate.

Don't tell me what to do. All I want to do is post a picture of a feather and tell all

my followers an angel just got his wings. Think of the engagement I'd get.

Come on, everyone. Let's buck our spirits up.

Has a man accidentally poisoned himself to death with a mushroom? Yes.

Is that a reason to dilly-dally? No, it's not. No, now we need to notify the authorities.

Oh, there will be no refunds. Apologies. Sorry, not sorry.

If you want to complete the therapy, you'll have to come back again.

But I can probably save you some money. All right, Darren, you're a parasite, mate.

Emma, get out now. Beatrice and Cornwall?

Kevin. Whatever. Take care of yourself.

Beatrice and Cornwall? Kevin. Whatever. Take three kids each.

Swap them over at the weekends. Diane and Aaron?

Yeah, I'm Aaron. Switch it in your mind, mate.

I haven't got time. You're both fixated on power.

And I can turn that into a sexual dynamic, but just not this weekend,

because I haven't brought my special gloves. Angelina, you and Brad.

Er... No, I have no words.

OK, that's it then. Onwards. Erm, is it not quicker to just go back?

Back? Back?

Back? There is no back.

No, the jeep is not meeting us till the last exercise tomorrow.

Can't we just call the jeep and tell it to pick us up?

Er, no. I've left my phone in the jeep as well.

Er, feeling pretty stupid about that now, and I'm trying not to think about it.

Let's go. Another way. I think.

Oh, I do hope so, Sandra. I've no sense of direction.

Aaron's lost me twice in Waitrose, always finds me by the yogurts,

but that's just me, isn't it, darling? Only culture she's tolerant of.

Come on, everybody. Follow the stick.

I'm flying the flag at half-mast, so keep your eyes on it.

Looks like someone's eaten something that's disagreed with them.

I mean, the last time we had sex was when he voted for Brexit.

It is good for business, darling. Eventually.

Honestly, when we first met, Aaron was so passionate.

All corduroy jackets with elbow patches.

There wasn't a march he wouldn't go on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.

Darling, what happened to you? You were all about the common man.

Yes, well, I was. But then I met him.

What, me? I am not common. I'm...

Oh, here come the bloody tears. What is it now?

Death brings it so close to me, how precious life is.

I miss the kids, all of them. Even the one that you had under my nose

and tried to pass off as mine. I miss the kids.

Even with the dead body, this is still the best weekend we've had in years.

I'm a mother, Devon. I don't miss my kids.

I'd go away, recharge, then go back into battle with them.

Oh, yeah, we can't have kids. At least not until Emma signs a deal

with a magazine for the baby photos.

Babies don't just happen, Darren. Remember the five-year plan?

Yeah, Emma's got a five-year plan. It's the main part of the plan,

being I'm not allowed to make any decisions for the next five years.

Can we stop? Please? My feet are k*lling me.

Right, morale's flagging. We need a break.

Let's stop at the sweat lodgers. Maybe the heat will soothe your feet

and get the weaker ones to shut up. You know who you are.

Oof!

Shame about Neil, isn't it? He is.

Although, as a therapist, he's got a lot to do.

A therapist. He was atrocious.

Yeah. It was without saying.

He told me that Beatrice's cheating was in response to a lack of attention from me.

You try getting jiggy with it when you live in a house

where there's always at least one person with diarrhoea.

True.

At all times, there's a little bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.

Oh, Emma had diarrhoea once, right?

So she kept howling at me from the bathroom and I pretended to be out.

I still think about that every time I feel a bit sad.

That's what cheers me up a bit, you know what I mean?

So, Sandra, what was Neil like then?

An absolute waste of space. So clingy.

I thought I could make him un-cling,

but some men are just tragic little limpets, aren't they?

Hmm. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about it.

And he was a terrible therapist, you know?

I mean, this place would be much better off without him.

A hundred percent.

I think Aaron will be happy when I pop off, if he even notices.

Neil helped Darren and I on our journey towards Darren acknowledging

that I'm the most important and he's more of a background character.

You know, in his own life.

Right.

I like Neil. He really helped me see that Devon basically made me have

unprotected sex in a Toby Carvery car park.

I'm twice in the loaded Bay of the Lidl.

I'm the little something in the drive-through of the McDonald's,

but nothing to write home to mother about.

Sandra.

Dear God.

Beatrice thinks she's going grey.

Oh, is she, yeah.

No.

Of course not.

Every night when she's asleep, I stay awake and I dye a single hair of hers grey.

I've been doing it for years.

I'm thinking about poisoning Emma.

Of course, of course.

What?

I'm not.

I'm not.

No.

Have I had that thought?

Yeah.

Yeah, obviously.

Would I do anything about it?

Obviously not.

Very probably not, yeah.

As such a shame.

Yeah.

It's just for someone who gets thousands of likes, she's not very likeable.

She's awful.

It's not a bit hot.

It's bloody hot.

I think I can feel one of my kidneys popping out.

Oh, heat doesn't bother me.

Did a whole season in Ibiza, darling.

Didn't need deodorant once.

But this is a, oh, it's a sexy heat.

Reminds me of making love to Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran in a Swedish sauna.

Hands strumming on me as fast as heads on his teeny tiny guitar.

You all right, Angelina?

Huh?

Me?

Yeah.

I just have to go home.

Mum says she's seen me smoking cigarettes with the older girls.

We've got a vein shot.

I'll get the first aid kit.

Give me some Calpol.

It works on everything.

Angelina, stop switching.

That's unattractive.

Get her out.

Her hair.

Get her by her hair.

Get out the way.

Angelina's fainting.

Jump on it.

Angelina.

She's with me.

What?

Angelina's fainting.

Nobody panic.

No.

Come on, Angelina.

Come back to me.

Ah, help.

Somebody help.

My legs have gone.

I've fallen into the fire.

Diana, my darling, I apologize if it's not the right time to mention this.

But I am afraid that I've been pissed.

Oh, my God.

Ah.

Aaron, no.

Sorry, can I just say, I'm definitely not liable for this.

This is not a coincidence.

Whoever did this must have poisoned Neil as well.

Aaron, darling.

Are you missing the kids yet, Beatrice?

And he's got one of those Bo and Aaron things,

like the one that woman invented in the Hunger Games.

Oh, where are they sh**ting us from?

She's right.

Well, somebody's watching us from over there.

Like everybody, get behind the trench.

Come here, get me up.

Sandra, come on, help me, please.

Run, I want to help.

It's the only way.

No, I'm right.

I'm right.

Oh, oh, oh.

Run.

Run.

Run.

I told you we shouldn't have come.

Oh, now?

You want to do this now?

You know how reluctant your mom is to take the kids.

We've wasted this weekend.

We could die here.

Oh, it'll be you that dies, won't it?

Leaving me with the children, always taking the easy option.

I'm not going.

I'm not leaving Aaron here alone.

Diana, you're injured.

Pat yourself up while you winch.

Diana, I think Aaron would want you to come with us

so we can keep you safe, yeah?

And your brothers want that.

If the arrow would hit him,

piercing his heart, most probably both his lungs.

Nice sentiment.

A bit technical.

Diana, come on, you can do this.

Come on.

Yes, you're right.

I'll grieve as we run, if that's all right with everyone.

Yeah.

Okay, we're going to leg it down that pathway.

First, we're going to grab our essentials, okay?

We're going to go in three...

Let's go!

Go!

Come on!

Come on, hurry up!

Come on!

What are you going to do?

When you say grab the essentials,

I thought you meant survival equipment.

Yes.

Not clothes.

I mean, look at me fat.

I've got so much stuff you can buy bread,

but my nighttime gear.

She's got nighttime gear.

Oh, great.

Nighttime material.

We'll see.

New podcast entry.

It has a disaster unfolds around us, Angelina.

One question.

Happy with our little escapade, are we?

Well, we've got two dead bodies.

And?

Literally everyone's a suspect.

And we could be were right now.

In a five-star hotel planning our wedding.

But instead, we are...

Stranded in the wilderness with a crossbow-wielding m*rder*r,

whose identity we don't yet know.

And I am currently...

Say it, Angelina.

You're a hot b*tch.

So maybe we...

Shouldn't have come at all.

What a breakthrough.

I'm pretty sure it's that way.

I seem to remember it's that way.

But you know, don't trust me, darling.

Come to think of it, you're right.

It's by those sycamores.

This way.

You remember, Diane.

You've been here before.

Oh, yes.

Four times.

Aaron just couldn't face a life where us getting divorced

might make him face a challenging election.

Diane is at stage six of grieving,

annoying the hell out of the rest of us.

So let's get a shift on.

We're nearly at base camp.

I can radio for help.

And we never have to see her again.

Can you contact head office as well?

Head office?

There was no head office.

It's just me and Neil.

Or it was.

You said the head office contacted you about the death threats.

I know.

What if we've been set up?

I'm going to figure out what those initials on Neil's book mean if it kills us.

Be extra vigilant.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, because up to now I've only been medium vigilant.

How silly of me.

For God's sake, hurry up!

Do you want to be left all alone in this world like Diana?

Count yourself lucky.

I think this is going to get very, very messy.

Having fun?

Oh, yeah.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

Everything is going to work out perfectly.

Oh, thank God!

This is it.

The final exercise.

Now, I know we're exposed.

Just try to avoid getting shocked and run.

You can't tell us all!

Oh, branches of mind!

You will!

Everybody freeze!

Did you just say, hit a mine?

We call this exercise the emotional minefield, but don't worry.

It's metaphorical.

Oh, thank God.

What the bloody hell's that?

In many ways, I'm not shocked at all.

It's the m*rder*r.

They've laid a trap for us.

My God!

My heart!

Why?

We were so perfect together.

A new angel has gone its wings.

Almost left her a few hundred thousand selfies.

Sandra, Gemma, I'm scared.

It'll be all right, Diana.

We're going to get us out of here.

Just keep still.

This is rubbish!

This is supposed to be our make it or break it weekend, Beatrice.

Do you decide if we want to stay together?

I do want to stay together.

I've realized that my love for the life we've built together

far outweighs the hate that I feel for you.

I'm so glad you said that.

I forgive you for all the affairs.

I don't care how many of the kids are actually mine.

I mean, I had a vasectomy after the fourth one,

so we probably need to have a conversation about that.

But I was going to propose again a second marriage.

You can do all of that.

Just don't move.

See?

Our counseling works.

Beatrice Smith.

You don't have to do this now, Devon.

Just put it off like you have been with the grouting in the bathroom.

I'll understand.

Devon, no.

Will you marry me one more time?

Of course I will!

Thank God!

Bugger.

Will everyone stop moving and exploding?

I am mentally being pampered right now in a hotel I can't afford.

Look at me!

Look at me!

This is possibly the worst day of my entire life.

I'm going to need more therapy after this than we needed when we arrived.

We're going to get Diana here out, and then I'll be back for you, my love, OK?

Right, Diana.

Grab my hand.

We're just going to retrace my steps, OK?

Get you to safety.

The mines.

Don't worry about them.

I've just figured out who the k*ller is.

Ha!

Who is it, darling?

It's you!

Isn't it, darling?

I don't see what you think I could have done.

Lost out here in the wilderness?

Lost, are you?

It's funny, because you told us that you always get lost in Waitrose.

Yet you seemed pretty sure of your way back by those Sycamore trees.

That was your first lie.

Oh, that was just a lucky guess, darling.

I mean, I must have recognized it from last time.

Oh, really?

You told us that you and Aaron hadn't had sex since the Brexit referendum.

Then in the sweat lodge, you told me that you enjoyed making love to Galway Girl.

And?

Well, I don't know much about politics, Diana.

I really don't.

But I bloody know my stuff about Ed Sheeran.

And he released Galway Girl in 2017.

And that is after the Brexit referendum.

So who's been strumming you like Ed's teeny tiny guitar then, hmm?

F and D are having an affair, £2,000 paid.

She must be the D!

Yeah, exactly!

She's been strumming with an F!

Neil blackmailed you about your affair,

so you crept into his tent and slipped some bishop's ba*ls in his mouth, hmm?

I bet if the police checked Neil's bank account,

they'd see it was you who paid the £2,000.

This is absolute nonsense.

Oh, and as for poor Aaron, you have no proof that I k*lled Aaron.

I wasn't even anywhere near him.

But you were, weren't you?

You told us in the sweat lodge that heat doesn't affect you.

Then next thing we know, your legs have gone and you've fallen in the fire.

Oh, how convenient.

I bet if we took that bandage off your burnt arm,

we'd see that there was nothing wrong with it.

What a surprise!

You hid the weapon in advance, didn't you?

Because you've been here before, haven't you?

And you knew where to put it that no one could find it.

Ah! Help! Somebody help!

My legs have gone!

I've fallen into the fire!

You think you're so clever, don't you?

Who are you to accuse me?

Oh, I think you know exactly who I am.

Because she used your real name!

Sandra!

Gemma!

I'm scared.

I was about to say that.

That's how I figured the whole bloody thing out.

I can't believe it.

I've solved another m*rder.

Gary, no, you haven't.

You said it out loud, fam.

Shut up!

Yes, it was me.

Oh, wow.

I know your real name because I listened to your podcast, you idiot.

You're a listener.

Good to know. Our fan base is homicidal.

Yes, I've listened to every episode and I thought,

these two are a complete pair of morons.

Sour brand.

I was even the Welsh woman who rang you from head office.

You're pretty c*ck for someone who's just got caught.

Oh, I haven't been caught.

But no, I am going to walk off and disappear into the wilderness.

It may have slipped your mind, but you are standing in a minefield.

And only I know where they're buried.

And don't think, because you are standing up there, that you are safe.

They're everywhere.

This was my last trap.

In case the crossbow failed or the bishop's ba*ls didn't work.

I really only wanted to k*ll Aaron and Neil.

But I needed to back up, just in case.

Oh, it's been nice knowing you.

Forgive me if I don't keep in touch, though, won't you?

That was for Neil.

Oh, because you actually really loved him, and it was his death that made you see that.

No, because he was mine.

Mine to belittle and destroy.

And she took that away from me.

See you, point.

Right, we're gonna have to flag down the next car.

Hello?

One squad were nice when they got you out of there, weren't they?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Give me a lollipop for being a brave boy.

You were a brave boy.

Brad and Angelina.

Gemma and Terry.

I just wanted to say-

No, you don't have to thank us.

No, I was going to say that you two are the worst couple we have ever, ever had.

Here's your phones back.

Here we go.

And all the best.

You should have named Brad and Angelina, didn't you?

What pair they are?

No, I'm telling you.

Jokers.

Losers.

Losers.

Yeah.

Destined to be unhappy forever.

Paspin's.

There is one thing still bothering me, though.

When I was looking up the hill at the sweat lodge, I'm certain I saw someone in them woods.

No doubt it. You're probably hallucinating from the heat.

Yeah, most likely that.

Anyway, come on you.

Let's get you to that hotel for a therapeutic mud bath and an essential oil spacial.

Keep talking.

Right, so then we might take a quick little walk down the aisle,

and you might bag yourself a wife.

So, after the worst day of my entire life, we walk off into the sunset and get married.

And who knows what terrors await us at our five-star hotel.

Wood spa, conferencing center, and banqueting facilities.

So, can I get in there now, ruin their lives, like you promised?

Oh, yes. I think we've found the perfect time for it.

This is gonna be epic.

So.