01x02 - Heartbeat

[bunniefuu]

[Upbeat techno music plays]

[insects chirping]

[thunder rumbles]

[James] We've got to curb

her trips to the dump.

[Thunder crashes]

And where is she getting the hair

to play dress-up with them?

Creepy.

[Mysterious music plays]

[thunder rumbling]

[music continues]

[insects chirping]

[both yell]

- Oh! I-I'm so sorry--

- It's okay, I-I wasn't looking.

[Gasps]

- [wails]

- [scoffs] Move it, moro--

Hi, Tessa!

Oh, no.

Another one?

[Mechanical gears whirring]

[eerie music playing]

[thunder rumbles]

[electronic beeping]

[gasps]

[yells, grunts]

[U*i, muffled]

N, I found something in here!

[Ominous music playing]

[blowing bubbles]

- That's weird and concerning.

- Bite me.

This is probably you weirdos' fault.

I've never seen that symbol before.

Wanna do an autopsy to find out?

What'd you find?

Did you know that was a pilot hat?

I was the pilot?!

That's aweso--

I-I crashed and ruined everything.

Spaceship pilot. Origin story.

[Hisses]

Speaking of piloting to Earth,

we sure "m*rder all humans" is, uh

"Morality?"

The humans sent you

without a communication relay

and reformatted your memories to soup.

Covering their tracks

means they're past negotiating.

Not like they tried negotiating

with my mom.

- Or you missed the negotiations.

- Whoa.

The humans programmed us

to solve a problem.

Where's proof of your backstory?

The one where your kind's

so conveniently innocent.

[Giggles]

J was getting orders from someone.

If not the company through that relay,

then, uh, who?

And how?

[Groans] Quit complicating my m*rder plan.

[Dramatic piano music playing]

[wind whooshing]

Yeah, just fix er up, 'cause-- whoops!

Pretty big security risk, in hindsight.

Eh, you got this, uh

"LadderBot 5000?"

[groans]

- Please just leave the light--

- [Switches clunking]

[sighs]

[tools clanging]

[wind whooshing]

[ominous music playing]

[metal clanks]

- [metal clanks]

- [gasps]

- [tools clank]

- [yelps]

[metal clanks softly]

[heartbeat pulsing]

[heartbeat continues]

[ominous music continues]

- [alarm blaring]

- [yells]

[steam hissing]

- [screams]

- [squelching]

[blade slicing]

[mellow music playing over speakers]

[teacher] Mr. Doorman.

Your daughter has been, uh

Absent.

Yes.

On that "k*ll all humans" kick,

like when I was younger.

Grounded herself and all that.

Speaking on her behavior--

Of course, of course.

Precocious, popular,

supernatural understanding of doors.

Takes after her old man.

U*i, please sit normal.

- Bite me.

- U*i. [groans]

Give Braidon back his sentience.

Bite me-- her.

I started it. And also, I'm dumb.

U*i, you have to partner up.

Several people wanted to, for the record.

No, we didn't. You freak us out.

[U*i] But mostly, bite me.

Yeah, she has trouble fitting in.

We think there might be something

damaged with her programming.

H-How is she at home?

Uh, sorry?

I mean, she's a little "herself,"

but "damaged?"

I maybe haven't spent much time, uh--

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Mr. Doorman, sir?

There's been an

Incident.

Ugh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!

- You good, U*i?

- I'm good.

Better than good. I am God!

[Laughing nervously]

Hi-- Hi, Thad.

Uh, thank you.

[Chuckles] Of course, Zi.

N-and-M's.

You saved my life.

I-I don't think the colony is even serious

about all this banishment stuff.

Uh, more just confused, especially with--

The fact I'm too rogue

to re-enter society now?

I can never return.

The recent disappearances?

And your m*rder-friend's corpse?

When I went to grab your g*n,

it kind of looked like it

Crawled away?

We can return a little?

- [Lights humming]

- [water dripping]

[static crackles]

Yo, LadderBot 5000?

We looked everywhere for you.

[Glitched scream]

[distorted] Hello, Tim.

Care to join me?

Join you standing eerily still over there

in suspiciously low resolution?

Yes?

A'ight.

[Yells, gasps]

[screams]

[screaming frantically]

[distorted] Flawless character acting, me.

Improv game for more practice?

[Chuckles]

We are a monster.

- [Suspenseful music plays]

- [wind whooshing]

Welcome back, Thad.

Eh, wait.

- Isn't she grounded, or something?

- Ugh, banished!

Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?

Genocide robot?

[Ominous music plays]

Oh, all right. Just don't do it again.

Get in here, you goobs.

[Magnet thunks]

[ominous music plays]

Yeah, where's Khan? 'Cause this looks

[Groans] non-ideal.

Parent-teacher conference?

Something about his daughter

being more important

than building a door in this hallway.

- Ugh, kind of cringe.

- Ew, yeah--

[Gags] Oh, give me a minute.

Ah, yep, okay. Almost threw up.

- You good?

- I'm good.

Stop asking.

[Electronics beeping]

Any forensic things over there?

Do we have fingerprints?

[Static crackles]

[eerie music playing]

[rumbling]

I mean, you don't think

it's my parenting, do you?

I left her for dead once.

It sounds like she's bored in your class,

and the other kids suck.

Call her damaged again,

and I will install a door on your face!

Where are your folks?

[Eerie music playing]

[speaking Russian]

That was the joke, idiot.

[Knocking on door]

That girl is

[Sinister music swells]

Gorgeous, right?

I'm gonna let her in.

[Suspenseful music playing]

You guys

Do that often?

[Liquid dripping]

[laughs] No.

I'm very concerned, but, also

Pretty frightened, a little bit.

[Thad] Hey, Zi!

What's this thing?

Hey, isn't that your special eye?

Don't call it that.

[Suspenseful music playing]

"Absolute Solver?"

"Reboot?"

Does this have something to do

with how you grew your head back?

[Laughs nervously]

I actively avoid unpacking how that works.

New material can't be pulled

from thin air.

If the wound is severe enough,

this "Solver" might be

some sort of auto-run program

to collect more mat--

[Suspenseful music playing]

[metal clanking rhythmically]

[yells]

[grunts, screams]

[frantic music playing]

I want a frickin' ninja star!

[Both grunt]

Whoa!

[Screams]

[both groan]

- You good?

- Ugh, stop asking!

- Chainsaw-hand time?

- Yeah, cool-cool-cool.

[Dramatic music playing]

[screams]

[distorted] Yes, and, hello!

[Clearer voice] It's me, Ted!

Um, can I get a location?

I heard "dentist's office!"

I'm Thad at the dentist's office.

Come over here for your

Teeth.

Predictably terrible work, J.

Why do you look so--

Great! You look great, J.

No, no. Wait, guys.

It's really me!

[Voice distorting]

Is that a freakin' ninja star?

[Dramatic music playing]

[exclaims]

Whoa! Ugh!

[Exhales] Lifesavers again!

Thanks.

Super invited to my shindig next weekend.

Cool kids only.

- [Gasps, squeals]

- Ah!

[Solver] We're busy then, anyway.

So, whatever.

- So lame.

- What's with the voice, J?

[Solver] Oh, J's not here.

We are trying to repair that host

as per our directive.

So you are a program?

[Solver] More like,

you are our cute puppets.

It hurts our feelings

you don't remember us.

N?

What's with the mom hologram?

[Solver] Easier to assimilate

than explain.

Not happening.

[Solver] Fair, but poor choice.

Now we will have to do something shocking.

- [Grunting]

- Whoa. Hey!

- [Solver] Goodbye, Dad.

- Aagh!

What?

[Solver] Wait, what?

U*i, sh**t!

Or give it to me!

[Solver] Close one.

Snarl.

U*i, you good?

No.

[Chuckles]

- [Solver] Pranked, idiot. You big stupid.

- [U*i grunting]

Lucky for you, it's snack time.

Time to go into my mouth now.

[Lights crackle]

[chainsaws revving]

[alarm blaring]

[Solver] Ow. And please, don't.

And, also, I was using those.

[Rapid beeping]

[muffled expl*si*n]

[high-pitched ringing]

[ringing fades]

[rubble clattering]

[hologram warbles]

[quiet muffled boom]

[breathing shakily] W-What was--

Which parts of that were real?

[Metal clanking]

[Solver] Sneaky, sneaky.

Sneaking away.

Get snuck-up on.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow. Ow, ow, ow.

[Muffled approaching shouting]

[melancholic music playing]

[gasps]

What are you things?

- [Panting]

- [indistinct chatter]

U*i?

[Somber music playing]

What are you doing h-- [grunts]

[whimpers]

[somber music continues]

[mysterious music playing]

[bug chirps]

Gorgeous, right?

I'm gonna let her in.

Ah!

Jesus.

Sorry, industrial-strength-ghost,

or whatever.

Settle.

[Mysterious music continues]

[static crackles]

- [bug beeping]

- [static crackling]

[expl*si*n]

[sighs] I hate your personality normally,

but this is somehow worse.

What am I being punished for?

[Theme song plays]