02x04 - Señor Doobs

[bunniefuu]

[

[ Laughter

[ Laughter ]

This is literally the best class
I've ever been in.

Okay, okay,
tranquilo, tranquilo!

We love you!

Let's move on from
the present tense

to something a little more...

something a little more...

[ Laughter ]

What is even happening
right now?

Silencio. I come to you with
an important message.

Wait-- Wait a minute.

Oh, my God.
¿Quién eres tú?

Who are you, strange visitor?

The question you should be
asking yourselves is,

"¿Quién voy a ser?"

"Who will I be?"

And the answer is me,
Señor Doobs from the future--

tense.

[ Laughs ] Oh, my God.
This is so tech heavy.

Any of you
who question my powers-- you!

Check under your desk.

[ Clears throat ]
You guys better check.

He seems serious.

Uh, Ethan, I think he--
I think he's referring to you.

Hm?

Ha! Maracas!

Ha, ha!
[ Laughs ]

Oh-- Oh, my God!

I almost sat in that seat,
you guys.

I literally almost picked
that seat today!

sh**t. That was
supposed to be my seat.

♪

My gosh, Señor Doobs
is so funny.

His class is like
a comedy special.

Wow.
It's an absolute delight
being taught by him.

I'm almost even learning
Spanish.

Niki: Sounds lame.

Okay, Niki, sorry it's not
whatever dumb

little baby YouTube

makeup tutorial
TikTok comedy you're into.

I like Tig Notaro.

Tig Notaro?

Anime has never once
made me laugh.

Well, I'm just glad
you're getting so much

out of Spanish class,
Chad.

I really am, Mom.

In fact, it makes me think,

"Should I be a teacher
when I grow up?"

I mean, I won't,
but it makes me think should I?

Such a noble profession,
Chaddy joon.

Tell me, which subject
would you like to teach?

Probably something
in mogul entrepreneurship.

Yeah,
anything mogul related.

Mogul is cool.

I'm not really interested
in the academics part.

It's more than getting up there
and just, like, being playful

and having
a ton of attention.

So, not like a teacher
at all.

Makes sense.

Come at me, Niki.
I dare you.

We've had tension
this entire dinner.

Naz: Okay, you guys.
Delicious dinner, Mom.

Thank you, Chad.
You were saying?

Yeah, none of my other teachers
are really that funny.

Well, that's not true.

Mr. Timmons has a pretty
hilarious walk sometimes.

That little guy.

How does he walk?

Like-- Just, like,
a little bumpy.

Oh, I love a funny walk.
Come on.

Chad, Mr. Timmons was in
a really bad car accident

over the summer.

They sent us an e-mail
about it.

Oh, my God, that walk
is literally all

I talk to him about.

You guys, I've done
the walk for him.

And he has not once interrupted
me in the middle of it.

♪

[ Laughter ]

Alright, I know
what you're all thinking.

"Oh, Mr. Dubin,
we're never gonna use it!

Why does anyone give a sh*t
about the vosotros ending?"

[ Laughs ]
He said "sh*t" again.

I'll tell you one time you're
definitely going to use it--

on the unit six quiz.

So, you need to abso--
[ Bell ringing ]

Aah.

Chicos y chicas,
I will see you mañana.

Don't forget to baña.

And smoke that marijuaña.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, can I speak to you
for a minute?

Me?

Yeah.

♪

So, uh...

what was that all about?

Uh, was it
the drug-smoking reference?

I-I-- I'm not even sure
I used it right.

I just thought it was funny
'cause it sounded Spanish.

[ Chuckles ]
No, that's not it.

Um, you stole my laugh.

I'm-- I'm sorry, I-I what?

Yeah, I see
you didn't realize what you did.

I get it.
[ Sighs ]

You see me up there, you know,
doing my thing and, you know,

it looks all spontaneous
and off the cuff.

Believe it or not, you know,

before you jumped in there
at the end,

you know, I was getting to,
"And smoke some marijuaña."
[ Chuckles ]

Yeah.
That's what I said.

So, it's like I climbed
the tower,

but you got to
ring the bell.

You know what I mean?
O-Oh, sh*t.

I will never ring
the bell again.

Y-You're actually
my favorite teacher,

and this is the only class

I consistently stay awake
in at this school.

So, there's a little compliment
for you for the day.

Well, thank you.

Just don't tap dance
on my shoes, capeesh?

Uh, capeesh.
Yeah.

Okay, I'll see you mañana,
little hombrecito.

Okay.

♪

Peter:
From what you're telling me,

I don't think you did
anything wrong.

[ Sighs ] Well, neither do I,
but the coolest teacher

in the school
freakin' hates me.

I mean, this teacher has
completely nailed down

his hilarious
educational persona,

and I just trampled
all over it.

Maybe you should just lay low
in class for a couple days.

It'll probably blow over
if you leave it alone.

It's so weird to have someone
be annoyed with you.

I'm like, "What?"
[ Chuckles ]

It's very new for me.
Hmm.

But got to get back
in his good graces.

Just pay him some compliments,
keep a low profi,

and hope that someday he grows
into becoming my comedy mentor.

Um, best of luck.

There's no way this guy isn't
gonna grow to love me, right?

[ Bell ringing ]

You-- You should've said
"right"

a lot faster to that,
Peter.
I should've.

Lot of traffic today.
You okay?
Yeah, it got jammed up.

Dubin:
Okay, familia, we're gonna get
into the preterite tense today.

Oh, sh*t, twinsies.
[ Laughter ]

Shut up, Ethan.

We're not twinsies.

What's that, Ethan?

You're wearing the same shirt
as Chad, Señor Doobs.

That means
you're twinsies.

[ Laughter ]

No, they look like
different manufacturers.

Alright, alright, alright,
I get it.

No, we're wearing
a similar shirt.

It's hilarious.

Alright, everyone, settle down.

Chad, take a seat, okay?

Alright, let's get back
to the verbs.

Okay, uh,
the pluperfect tense--

"pluperfect"?
[ Chuckles ]

Oof, Doobs.
[ Chuckles ]

No, the preterite tense
is used to...

[ Chuckles ] You know what,
we're just gonna--

we're gonna
change gears here, okay?

Let's, uh-- Let's everyone
come up, let's grab a tablet.

Let's go to, uh, unit six,
lesson five,

and repeat the phrases, okay?

Getting kind of weird,
isn't it?

Where are we going?

You know,
first you steal my laugh,

now this
whole shirt thing.

Listen, I thought
we talked about this.

My class, it's a well-oiled
machine, but you--

you just seem like you want
to throw a monkey wrench in it.

Does it help that I have
a couple black stripes in mine

and you're lacking that?
No.

See, they're still
close enough for Ethan

to call us twinsies,
am I right, bud?

Honest to God, sir,
this is a mix-up.

I don't pay attention
to your wardrobe choices.

Yeah, I don't
believe you, okay?

So, this has to go.

Wait, I-I'll put it away.

I wasn't even playing it.
Sorry.

I just like it close by
for comfort.

Nope, no electronics
in class.

C-Can I just please
have it back?
No.

I'm not gonna play it.
No, no, no.

Well, when
can I get it back?

If I neglect my
"Animal Crossing" store,

my turnips will rot!

Yeah, they're
gonna rot, okay?

But in the meantime,
why don't you go look

for a different shirt?

Like right now?

Now or, you know, whenever.

But now's
probably a good idea.

Okay?

♪

I would like to file a formal
complaint against Mr. Dubin.

Can we just chalk this up
to a misunderstanding?

Señor Doobs!
He's a legend.

I know that,
and I love the guy,

but I am wearing
the unwanted rags

of a gigantic girl
volleyball player

that I dug
out of the lost and found.

He's targeting me,
Charles.

The man
is out to get me.

Okay, fine, Chad, fine.

I will have a conversation
with Señor Doobs.

But just so you know,
when I've tried

to straighten this guy out
in the past,

he runs circles around
most the staff, but mainly me.

Sorry, it's just
really distracting

what you're doing
right now.

Which part?
All of it.

Peddling in place,
the off-brand Peloton,

giant-a*s towel
around your neck.

I hate it all.
But the shorts
are working?

No, they're not.

Chad, hey, bud.
Mm.

How's it going?

Sorry,
that was a long swallow.

Mm-hmm.
H-Hey. Hi-- Hi.

[ Chuckles ]
You're so tall.

Yeah.

Just got done
talking to Charles.

Uh, told me that you went in
to talk to him about me?

That's... weird.

Um...
Charles?

Charles,
Charles, Charles...

Yeah, your
guidance counselor.

Oh, that guy, yeah.
Yeah.

I forget about him
because I want to.

Well--
Yeah, don't listen
to anything Charles says.

His br--
brain is not okay.
Oh, okay.

I just got to say,
for the record,

if I made you uncomfortable in
any way whatsoever, I apologize.

You know, sometimes I'm a little
tougher on students like you,

ones that I think have
the most potential.

Oh, you humiliated me 'cause
you think I have potential?

Sure, yeah.

Look, and sometimes I can go
a little bit overboard,

and I know it's hard
for you to imagine,

uh, you know,
us teachers.

You see us as these perfect,
god-like figures,

but we make mistakes,
and--

and if I made a mistake,
I--
Barely.

Well, it's 100% on me,
and I'm very sorry.

I overwhelmingly accept
your apology, Señor Doobs.

Right on.
Don't even mention it.

And just one other
little thing to attend to.

My Nintendo Switch.

I believe you still have it,
and I-I was wondering

if it could be put back
in my custody, please.

Pretty sure I gave
that back to you.

The Nintendo Switch?

Yeah, pretty sure.
No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Yeah.
You did-- You did--
You did not.

Actually, now that I think
about it,

I don't think
I ever took it from you.

Oh, you did.

'Cause remember when
I completely saw you take it?

God, I don't know
what to tell you, bud.

Just tell me you'll
give it back to me.

I don't-- I don't know--
I don't know where it is.

I don't have it.
[ Inhales sharply ]

I hope it turns up, though.

I do.

Okay?

Hey, I'll see ya--
see ya in class.

Clase de Español.

[ Bell ringing ]

Oh, my God, first Señor Doobs
snatches my Switch,

and then he tries to say
he never even took it.

I mean, does the man have some
kind of early onset medical

something or something?

It's classic gaslighting.
What's that?

Señor Doobs is abusing
an uneven power dynamic to try

and make you think
you're crazy.

Why would he do that

when I love him
with all my little heart?

I think maybe he's just not
a very good person, Chad.

You don't think
he's a good person?

No.
Peter, he's funny.

Some people who are funny
have darkness in them.

What?!

Peter, please, name one
comedian with a dark side.

Practically all of them.

Even the ones who use
the puppets and guitars?

Yes, especially those.

My God,
what is happening?

Is freaking Mercury
in retrograin?

I have no idea what you said,
but either way, he's a bully,

and if you want him
to stop,

you need to stand up
for yourself

or he's just gonna
keep victimizing you.

You're right.

Tomorrow morning,
I'm gonna double up

on my protein supplements,
march right into that school,

and ask Doobs
for my damn respect.

And more importantly,
my Switch.

♪

Patrick Dubin!

Where are you?!

♪

Where is he?
Where's Señor Doobs?

Señor Doobs is dead,
Chad.

What?!

He passed away.

Did someone m*rder him?

No, I guess he went
to sleep last night

and just didn't wake up.

People can just die
out of nowhere?

[ Students crying ]

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

This is horrible.

He has my Nintendo Switch.

♪

Thanks for coming with me,
Peter.

No problem. The bereaved
find my presence soothing.

It's my first funeral.

How do you feel?

I feel like I really want
to find out

where my Nintendo Switch is.

Keep a watch out, okay?

For?
Humans, adults, people.

Okay.
I'm snooping around
in there.

I can get in
a lot of trouble.

Where do I start?

It's a tiny little Switch
in a big ol' house.

Start in
the primary bedroom.

Second floor,
next to the remodeled half-bath.

Very tastefully done.

Not a cheap flip job.

Sconces are gorgeous.

What are you even talking about
right now, Peter?

They bought in 2018.

I looked at the real-estate
listing last night.

I'm a total Redfin junkie.

You looked at the real-estate
listing of this house?

I mean, if you're gonna
snoop around, you might as well

figure out, like,
the blueprints of the area.

You're not wrong.
Thank you for doing that.

Oh, yep.

Thank you
for protecting me.

Anytime, buddy, anytime.

I appreciate it.

Wish me luck.
You got this.

♪

Where are you, where are you,
where are you?

What?

"Sister Act"?

Is he giving them as a gift
or something?

What are you doing?

I'm...

praying.

It's a Muslim culture thing.

I wanted to go full
forehead-to-floor where he died.

Take care of him.

Thank you, Allah.

Are you
the deceased's wife?

I'm Patrick's girlfriend.

And this is his son?

Well, he's my son, but...

Patrick
was like a dad to him.

Aww, sh**t.

Hey, there,
little squirt.

Sorry about your mom's...

guy who
she's hooking up with.

Never fun
to see those go.

Is this child verbal yet?

I'm sorry, is there something
I can help you with?

Actually, I hope so.

Did you by any chance know

if Mr. Dubin brought home
any devices from Westpark High?

Oh, my God.

You're one of
Patrick's students?

[ Crying ]

♪

Do you think you'd be willing to
say a few words at his service?

I think that everyone
would love to hear

about how Patrick
touched his students' lives.

Oh, hell nah.
Please?

The interesting thing
is I'm--

I'm actually really bad
at talking.

Pretty please.

Don't say
"pretty please."

[ Crying ]
Pretty, pretty please.

g*dd*mn it!

It would really mean
a lot to me.

To both of us, actually.

♪

I mean, I don't...

♪

Okay.
[ Sighs ]

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

♪

My God.
Hmm, looks smaller
in person.

Peter! Get in here!

Dubin's freakin' girlfriend and
her haunting little silent son

just came in here and saw me
snooping around, and now I'm--

I think
I'm delivering a speech.

Sorry, I was checking the decor
of the French country kitchen.

You know, I was already
impressed by the lot size,

but the house itself--
What are you doing?

This is not a time for a home
decor conversation!

Oh.
I have to publicly speak now
in front of her and her son,

the g*dd*mn star
of "The Shining"!

Eh, good luck.

Good luck?!

Can

Can everyone

Can everyone hear

Can everyone hear me?

Man: Yeah.
sh*t, okay.

I'm Chad Amani, and I was one of
Mr. Dubin's students this year.

[ Sighs ]

It's hard to talk
about someone who's dead.

Mr. Dubin was by far the most
popular teacher at our school.

And everybody loved him.

He...
[ Video game pinging ]

He was also great
at teaching Spanish.

He knew all the tenses
and everything.

Vocab, you name it.

Even though he was white.

And he...

Excuse me, can I see the back
of your Nintendo Switch

real quick.

Could you flash me
the back of it.

♪

Oh, my God,
it's my freakin' Switch.

I knew it.
I knew I wasn't losing my mind!

He lied to me. He made me think
I was going crazy.

I can't believe he's here
holding onto

my property right now.

It's an unmistakable sticker.

That's my Switch.
I knew he had it.

I knew he had it, and he gifted
it to somebody else?!

All because I made a cute
little rhyme about marijuana.

I called it marijuaña.

And then there was the whole
freakin' shirt thing.

It was similar, but mine
had extra stripes on it.

But I was treated
as if I watched him

dress in the morning,
and then to spite him,

I put on the same shirt.

I never watched Mr. Dubin
dress in the morning.

And even if I did,
I would not have had enough time

to go to a mall
to then buy the same shirt

and go to class on time.

What I'm starting to realize is
sometimes people don't like you.

Sometimes people just don't
like you

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

I'm not sorry
I stole his laugh.

Thank you.

Uh, as we can see,

grief can be a mysterious
and confusing thing.

Chad: Don't make a scene
right now.

It affects everyone
in very different ways, and--

Please, I'm telling you,
it's mine.

Do you even--
blink if you can talk.

Actually, just talk
if you can talk.

Give it to me.
No, mine!

Rachel:
It's just a little boy.

Oh, you do talk.

Oh, you do talk!
Then give it to me!

Just--
Please don't make a scene.

We're at a funeral.
Get off of him!

Ma'am, tell him
it's mine.

♪

Peter!

♪ So long ♪
♪ So long, so long, so long ♪

♪ That's what you get
when you don't do right ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Goodbye, goodbye, my baby ♪

♪ That's what you get
when you don't do right ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪