01x05 - Secular in the City

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

[boat horn blows]

- [Ben] Whoa!

- [Miriam] Wow, this is cool

Holy cow!

Beautiful!

- I could live here

- [Ben] Oh, my God!

[Miriam laughing]

- [Batsheva] I love it

- [Miriam] Okay

- [Batsheva] Ima went all out for this

- [Shlomo] Yeah

- [Miriam] When is Robert getting here?

- [Shlomo] I'm assuming soon

- He's coming with Ima, right?

- I have no idea

Do you think this is going to strike

a genuine change inside of him?

There's a lot of good things

going on in his life

- He might as well say yes to something

- [Shlomo] Right?

- You look great

- Thank you!

[Robert] Mm-hmm

- So we're on a a boat?

- [light-hearted music playing]

Ask me no questions

and I'll tell you no lies

[Miriam] I heard Robert

I'm excited to see his reaction

when he comes up here and sees all this

He's going to be so confused!

[Robert] What are you getting me into?

This is not a black tie event

- [Ben] Oh

- [Batsheva] Oh, my God!

[Julia] Guys, the star of the day is here!

- What is this?

- [Batsheva] Look at you!

Hello!

Robert! Can we see a full a full twirl?

- [Ben] Oh, beautiful!

- Incredible!

[Robert] Why are we on a boat?

I've made you a funeral

for your insecurities

[Robert] Oh, God

Julia calls me and says,

"Hey, come meet me at this pier."

"It's a black tie event."

I want you to have the fullest, best life

that you can possibly have

I'm trying to get over the matchmaker,

I'm trying to be friendly,

but I still, like, am not totally over it

I care about you, you can't even imagine

- You're my greatest friend in the world

- I know. I appreciate it

I want to do it,

but I want to do it on my time

- I know, so

- This is so crazy!

[ship horn blaring]

This is so

- This is

- [ship horn continues blaring]

This is

- [laughing]

- [Ben] What?

- f*ck it, let's do it!

- Let's do it!

[all cheering]

[upbeat music playing]

[Julia] Everyone, rise and shine

We are about to begin the ceremony

in honor of this extraordinary young man

I'm going to pass everybody a rose

You're going to say

something about Robert,

put it in the wreath,

and we're going to, then,

throw the wreath out to sea

In the Jewish religion,

before Yom Kippur,

which is the Day of Atonement,

everyone takes bread crumbs

and throws it into the water

It's called tashlikh

That symbolic gesture can help your mind

acknowledge that you can make changes

["Amazing Grace" playing]

Okay, I'd like to begin

So Robert, this rose is to throw away

how you see yourself in the mirror,

and replace it with how I see you

[Ben] L'Chaim

This rose represents

the light that you are

I don't want to throw it away,

I'm gonna give it to you

- I'll take it!

- Everyone else, please follow directions

Of course, Miriam doesn't

follow directions

[Ben laughing]

This red rose symbolizes a web,

a spider web

All the spider webs

that you need to get rid of

[all laughing]

It's time for you to start dating again,

so here we go

- To you!

- [Robert] Toss it overboard, baby

Next, please!

Okay, so Robert, now it is your turn

to stand up and think

of what your insecurities are

and what you want to throw out

Uh, this was indeed very strange

and very weird,

and not at all what I expected

of my Friday afternoon

I would like to throw away

this idea of being afraid, of being

You know? Or feeling shame,

or, like, feeling vulnerable

That's my issue

I'll throw away my wall,

and I hear what you're saying. I know

You know, I need to put myself out there

a bit more, I need to try more

Let's throw all this sh*t overboard

and drown it in the Hudson River

[Julia] Let's do it

- Okay, here we go!

- [Robert] It's heavy! [grunts]

[all cheering]

[Miriam] And down

- [Michele] Bravo! Well done!

- [Miriam] It happened!

As crazy as this insecurities funeral was,

it made me realize that I need

to stop letting feelings hold me back,

and maybe look into some of the things

that I've been too afraid

to explore about my past

Hi

I'm Robert

- Hi, Robert

- How are you?

- Good

- It's nice to meet you

Um, I'm wanting to potentially explore

the possibility of finding this person,

but I don't have anywhere to start

The only things I know are

that she was living in my hometown

of Wichita Falls, Texas,

she had red hair, um, and

that's about it

It's not a lot to go on

The information is is skimpy

from what you presented,

but it doesn't mean that it can't be done

I don't want to make any contact

That's the most important. Don't want to

make any contact. I just want

No, I would never. I would never

And, uh, I've had cases like this before

and it's not always the

the Hollywood ending

- It can be very emotional

- Yeah

Sometimes they can be receptive

and sometimes not

- [Julia] It's beautiful outside!

- [Shlomo] Very nice

- [Silvio] Amazing!

- I got my first part of my advance today

- Queen! Making bucks! Congratulations

- [Shlomo] Nice!

For the book, yeah. It's very exciting

- That's really exciting. Cha-ching!

- It's happening!

I got a really interesting

Instagram message

I got to show you

She says, "Good afternoon, Julia."

"I've been trying to leave the community."

"Maybe you'd be able to talk to me

to give me some insight."

"I'd love to hear more of your story

and how you became who you are today."

- Very nice

- [Miriam] Wow, that's so nice

What worries me is that you read

all those books about people who left

Half of them go on drugs,

the other half try to commit suicide,

- have psychological issues

- Mm-hmm

And it's not their fault, it's not that

they're doing anything wrong

It's just that they're just not equipped

to live in the outside world

Are you nervous she's gonna harm you?

No, no!

I'm not nervous about her harming me

I'm nervous about me harming her!

I'm feeling very torn as to what to do

You know, I'm not a doctor

I don't want to, on one hand, get involved

with someone

who's probably going through

a tremendously traumatic experience

On the other hand, I want to help

You know,

this is someone who I understand,

that I can connect and relate to,

and I know that I had to do it alone

So if I had had someone helping me,

how much easier

my journey would have been

Why don't you just call?

See where it leads to

- [Silvio] Start listening to her

- [Julia] Let me see

I have her number here

Okay, you guys ready?

- [Shlomo and Miriam] Yeah!

- Here we go!

[line ringing]

[Sara] Hello?

Hi, Sara, it's Julia Haart. How are you?

Oh, hi. Uh, I'm good

Well, I have to tell you,

I was really touched by your message

Can you tell me

a little bit about your journey?

frum?

Because honestly the best way to help you

is to understand you first,

and then I can figure out

how it is that I can help you

I think that my major turn-off really

was going to a high school in Monsey

Like, I would be sitting

chumash class,

and they would be

teaching us all this stuff,

but if I tried to question

anything related to God,

they would just tell me,

"You do it because God says."

And I said,

"It's cool that God said that

- But why? Right

- but why did God say that?"

And I'm kind of stuck where I'm, like,

halfway out, but I'm not out

- 'Cause you're still living there. Yeah

- Don't know where to go from here

And your parents obviously know

that you're not frum anymore

What's How are they reacting to it?

My parents just seem like a lot

They actually sent me to a psychiatrist

They felt like I was crazy

They're like, "People don't just leave

their religion. It's not normal."

Um

So, yeah, that was that was

the beginning of my journey,

and, um, I did not take that very well

So you sound, honestly,

like an extraordinarily impressive person

Like, kudos to you

It took me until I was in my mid-forties

to make the realizations

you did when you were a teenager

Look, I have a kind of crazy idea

Why don't you come and meet me?

I can kind of show you my world,

and just sit down and talk to you,

and see if I can help you

take that next step

- Really?

- Yeah

Um, I mean, that would be amazing

Um, I actually don't drive,

you already know about that

Perfect! I will send

Yes, I do

You're not allowed to drive in your world

I Believe me, it was a world

I'm very familiar with

Um

So I'm gonna send my driver

Are you gonna get in trouble

if I send my car?

Nobody is supposed to be home tomorrow

All right, have a good night, my dear

- Okay, take care. Bye

- Take care, bye-bye

Wow

I mean, she's got massive guts!

She is being really open

about her journey

- That shows That's a big deal!

- That's a big thing. Yeah

[Julia] So that kinda gives me hope

that she has the capability

and the backbone to make a change

Because truthfully, if you think about it,

when I left, I was still religious

- I left 'cause I couldn't take it anymore!

- You couldn't

When I left,

I was in such a level of despair

I was really, you know,

contemplating suicide daily

So it's not easy to help

someone make that move

You really have to be

at the bottom, rock bottom

I think where I can help her

is just give her some direction

You don't know where to go,

you don't know what to do,

and you don't know anyone

in the outside world

So you feel stuck there,

because they're the only people you know

Yeah, again, I I would never want to

push someone, like, to not be religious

She's already not religious

But if she already made that

her own choice,

and she's asking for help to get out

of that space, it's only right to help

Let's do it

Let's take her over the fence

[upbeat music playing]

[line ringing through cell phone]

[automated voice] Your call has

- Hi, baby, I'm so sorry

- Hello!

- How are you?

- I'm sorry

I was rushing

as fast as I could to get here

- To change?

- No!

- [humorous music playing]

- Not to change! To get here

I had a really busy day,

but I had this outfit,

- and summer's almost over

- So you changed?

Babe, you know that putting on an outfit

takes me two seconds

But you but you changed

As long as it's all picked out,

it doesn't make a difference

[waiter] Something to drink?

Yes, can I get the, uh, strawberry frosé,

please? And some ice water

- Ice water

- [Batsheva] Or sparkling?

[Ben] Sparkling water

Thank you so much

At least you got some tequila going on

- This is my second one

- Second tequila?

- Yeah

- How late am I?

I didn't feel like I was that late!

I was rushing the whole time

- Yeah

- Oh, my, my!

[Ben] Wow

Very cool, thank you

So my mom got a DM from this girl

She, like, isn't doesn't keep

any, like, religion at all,

but is still living in Monsey

and still, like, does all the motions

- to kind of go with the flow

- [Ben] Okay

My mom was like,

"I really want to help her."

- "Help her"?

- Like, help her start a new life

I don't know. That, to me,

that seems like a lot of responsibility

I think anything

that she does with her is is risky

just because, like, this girl, yes,

maybe she says she's not

religious anymore,

but you don't really know

Like, is she convincing her to

leave a life

that she is maybe comfortable with?

I'm not trying to dissuade her

from helping someone

'cause if she really wants to do it,

then that's very nice

But, like, at the same time, it's a huge

responsibility to interject yourself

in something that we all know

is extremely personal

We had our own journey, and, like, yes,

I don't think we would be

where we are today without my mom

- Right

- But in the religious aspect,

we came to wherever we are right now

on our own slow journey

We weren't like Miriam,

who, like, left off the bat

- Shlomo, who's undecided. He's still

- Still in the middle

figuring out

Is my mom gonna, like,

try convincing her to

Not believe anything

I'm apprehensive

about my mom really engaging

and getting involved with this girl,

because it's a really big deal

to leave a religion

that you were brought up in,

and you don't know her,

so how can you be really helping her

if you don't know the full situation?

- Do you think there's ulterior motives?

- I don't know. I've never met the girl!

None of us have, that's the whole

situation that's going on

That's what I'm nervous about

Who knows what her motives are?

[Shlomo] Every Friday night,

Shabbos, that starts at sunset

and it goes all the way until an hour

after sunset on Saturday

Under the laws of Shabbos,

Orthodox Jews can't use electricity

So because of this,

I have to pre-cook my food,

set timers for lights I would need,

and if I don't want to take the staircase,

I'd have to get to my home

before sundown so I can take the elevator

The purpose of Shabbos is

really to be focused on family, prayer,

and everything else

is supposed to be forgotten

"Eat, sleep, pray" is basically

the, uh, the premise of the day

- [Miriam] Hey, Mama

- [Julia] Hi, babe

[Miriam] What's up?

Can't decide what I want to wear today

I'm very in a leathery mood

Wear something matchy-matchy!

Well, no. I'm gonna go

either red or blue today

- That could be cute

- That's very cute!

What's going on in your world?

There's this girl who

I posted a photo with Shlomo on Instagram

- Mm-hmm

- and she's my friend from New York,

and she commented,

"Oh, who is that guy? He looks cute."

- I'm like, "It's my brother."

- Oh, okay!

So I should set them up, like, for sure

[Julia] He needs a girl

If he was dating somebody

who was not religious,

who, like,

wanted to do things on Saturday,

I think he just wouldn't want

to disappoint her, and so he'd go out

He always says to me that he knows

that certain things he does is illogical

- He knows it's not logical

- So what do you think?

Do you think he'll, like, ever

actually use his phone on Shabbos?

For me, it was easy to, like,

let go, I guess. A little bit more

Okay, but don't forget, you

You know what?

The speed is the speed is equivalent

to your misery level

- Hm

- For you, it was very easy to be like,

"Okay, I hate all of this

This is making me miserable. I'm done."

For Shlomo, it's much more frightening

because he wasn't as miserable

He still believes that he's going to get

punished if he does something wrong

But he knows it don't make sense

We've had that conversation

Fear is not rational

Fear is irrational. Babe, think about it

I was literally having relationships,

sheitel

- Is there anything logical in that?

- Right, yeah

It's just fear. It doesn't make sense

It's illogical

The only way to explain it

is like it's deprogramming

[Miriam] Mm-hmm

[Julia] My poor son, Shlomo

He's straddling two diametrically

different points of view and ways of life

If he ends up being like Batsheva

where, you know, he's religious,

he keeps Shabbos, he keeps kosher,

I'm fine with that

I have nothing against religion

He's trying to do

what he was taught was right

Like for example, right now, we went

shopping together on Shabbos, right?

But he wouldn't carry the credit card,

and he wouldn't hold the wallet,

but he let me do shopping for him

Is that logical? No

Is it reasonable?

Makes absolutely no sense

Like, if you're shopping on Shabbos,

just shop on Shabbos!

But again, it isn't logic

- What are you wearing? These are cute

- Thanks, Mama

- [Julia] Love them

- [Miriam] Got them on the Int-o

- [Shlomo] Hey

- [Robert] Hello

- [Batsheva] Hey, Rob

- Hey, guys

I might need a little drink, personally

- [Miriam] We know what that means!

- Yeah. Apparently

This is news to me,

but, apparently, Shlomo thinks this

I asked a girl

if she wanted to get drinks,

and supposedly

like, I told my friends, they were like,

"Shlomo, that means

you're asking her to just have sex."

- [Batsheva] Did you know this?

- I don't think that's accurate

Maybe it's a Gen-Z thing

It's not a Gen-Z thing!

My Gen-Z doesn't do that

You're supposed to ask for coffee

or food first, before you get a drink

But dinner's a second date

[Shlomo] She was doubling down

- [Batsheva] She was doubling down

- "I don't want just a drink."

[Shlomo] Oh, yum

[Miriam] This is like

the best granola ever

Everything all right, Rob?

[tense music playing]

Okay

Do you need to get back to the office?

We could sit here and chat

if you need to take a call

Yeah, I just got a

An interesting email,

that I was expecting but not expecting

What? What did it say?

Uh, you guys don't know this, but, um

I am adopted

- So

- Are you for real?

- [Robert] Yeah

- [Miriam] Oh wow

My parents took me on the second day

The day after I was born

[Miriam and Batsheva] Wow

Did you always know you were adopted?

- [Miriam] When did you know?

- [Robert] I always knew

- [Miriam] Your brother's born from Mitizi?

- Mm-hmm

- [Shlomo] And he's younger?

- [Robert] Yeah, 15 months younger

[Batsheva] Wow

She was in her mid-thirties, it wasn't

likely that she was gonna have a child

and she'd been looking for a long time

And that's basically all I know

I have had

the most loving and compassionate

and endearing family you could ever want

I never think of myself as adopted,

it doesn't even cross my mind

It was always something

that was very normalized in my house

I was always my parents' son

I'd gone to the doctor

to just do, like, a routine test thing

[clears throat] There was all this medical

stuff I didn't know anything about

Like, what is my heart gonna do?

Is it gonna explode?

Right

Am I gonna, like, have cancer everywhere?

Is my brain gonna, like, fall apart?

I don't know

I wanted to figure out a little bit more,

so that was an e-mail with

- I guess information on the person

- [Batsheva] Her information?

- Do you know anything about her?

- Nothing

- [Miriam] You don't know where she lives?

- Other than that she must have been

- gorgeous

- [Miriam] Oh. [laughing]

- Have an amazing personality! Brilliant!

- [Robert] Obviously

You know, I've never really started

this search for my birth person before

because it's never something

that was important, but now's the time

I'm 33, I need to figure out

what the next step in my life is

Finding the husband,

having the child, creating a family

So knowing and understanding

my biological history is important

[thoughtful music playing]

- [Julia] Hey!

- [Robert] Hi!

[Batsheva] Hi!

[Robert] Look at this hair!

- [Robert] I love!

- [Julia] What is happening here?

- What is this outfit?

- [Batsheva] I like the outfit

- [Robert] I love it!

- Right?

Let it be known that the people

of the church said, "Amen!"

[Batsheva] Thank you, Rob. He understands

I also like the hair,

it's very au courant. It's nice

- What are you talking about?

- I'm trendy right now

- [Julia] Robert, you're not helping

- You're like a pop princess

I'm like Ina Garten

about to bake a roast chicken

Oh, my God. Yeah

Is there a reason

the collar is up à la, AKA 70s?

It doesn't go down. It doesn't go down

[Julia] Come over here

and I will bring it down

- Come here, baby. I'll help you

- [Robert chuckling] No, no

It's a bit disturbing

- [Julia] What's on your schedule?

- I'm working with Cory

We're developing the, uh, social media

- The curriculum? How's that going?

- [Batsheva] The curriculum

It's going well

Um, you missed a very interesting dinner

- [Batsheva] I did?

- Yes

Do you remember that girl

I read you about the other day?

I called her over dinner

when Shlomo and Miriam

- On speaker?

- [Robert] You called her at dinner?

I called her at dinner

I wanted some moral support

because I wasn't sure

what I was getting myself into

So she's still at that place

where she's still in that world,

yontif,

even though she's not keeping it,

but she doesn't know anyone

who's not a religious Jew

And on that note,

she's coming this afternoon

- [Robert] Surprise!

- What? She's coming to the office?

She's coming to the office

in like 45 minutes

[Robert] Good luck!

- [Sara] Hi, thank you

- Come on, Sara. And there's Julia

- Hi!

- [Sara] Hi! Do you do hugs?

Yes, I do hugs!

- It's so nice to meet you!

- So nice to meet you!

So, how was the ride?

Um, I don't know, it felt like forever

I was really nervous to meet you!

[Julia] Well, hey, you had

the the guts and the courage

to reach out to me on Instagram

That took a lot of, you know, cojones

And I did not come out

and say that I was not religious

until literally two or three years

after I left the community

But I had kids,

so I had to be very careful

[Sara] Right. It goes both ways

'cause my parents

I've been told that I'm now responsible

if my siblings can't get married

or get into camp or get into school

- Yeah, it's scary

- It's a heavy weight to live with

- They've told you that?

- Yeah, and I feel awful

And I have eight siblings,

I don't want that responsibility!

I had that my entire life

I felt a certain kinship to you

because you want to be in this world,

you're still back there

So it was kind of seeing, like,

a younger version of me

You reaching out to me kinda gave me hope

that somebody actually cared,

somebody wanted to see me me be happy

And me actually, like,

I don't know, just be successful!

- That's what I want for you

- A chance at life

You remember learning in class,

"Kol hatchalot kashot," right?

"All beginnings are difficult."

Well, this is no different

It is extremely difficult

also because you don't even know

where to begin or how to begin

So I figured today, I'm going

to kind of show you what it is that I do

We're going to go in

and you're gonna meet the team

- Okay

- You'll meet my kids,

I had them come as well, and

[Sara] I'm super excited for!

[Julia] You know, usually,

people go one in at a time

[Sara] I know! I'm a little scared

I've never done this many times before

- [Julia] Oh, boy

- [Sara] Sorry

Okay, if this is new,

we've got a long ways to go, honey

So this is Elite World Group. Come on in

[indistinct conversations]

Hey, guys!

[all greeting]

- This is Sara, everybody!

- [all] Hello

- [Sara] Nice to meet you guys

- [Julia] This is my office

- My daughter, Miriam. Miriam, Sara

- [Miriam and Sara] Hi!

- It's really great to meet you. Welcome

- I love your outfit

[Julia] Now, I want to see these shoes

So

- We have toys

- [Julia] Okay, I want to play

- Hi!

- [Miriam] Hi

- Hey!

- [Robert] How's it going in here?

Ooh, look at this setup!

- Count Chocula is here!

- [sinister laughter]

[Robert] I don't know someone. Hello

[Julia] Robert, this is Sara!

Hi! Sara. Very nice to meet you

How are you?

[Julia] Sara, Robert is my best friend

in all the world,

and he is basically

my partner in all crimes

Cool

Sara, there's this concept

which I'm completely obsessed with,

which is basically that we can

have shoes that have seeds inside

People could literally

go in their backyard

and bury their shoes,

and flowers will grow

So it's not only biodegradable,

it's, like, a shoe garden, right?

Yeah! What if it was, like, veggies?

You could have, like, a tomato shoe

- You got zucchini and cucumber

- [Julia] Carrots!

- "Have your shoe and eat it too."

- Have your shoe and How dare you?

How dare you with that?

So we built you a virtual showroom

Excellent

Do you wanna show Julia

what that's all about?

[Julia] This is so exciting!

- Are we up and running?

- [Julia] We are

Where do I go?

Hold on, I got this, I got this

- [Miriam chuckles]

- [Julia] It's getting bigger with

I just thought that this

was perfect for Sara to see,

because I think one of the worst things

that, uh, my community

our community did to us

is make us believe

that nothing is possible

And the minute you realize, "Wait!"

"No, these are fake limits. These are

limits that have been put on me!"

"I refuse these limits!"

anything is possible

Honestly, I think one of the

biggest strengths I've had in my career

is because

I don't take anything as a given,

because I heard those words

so many times in our world

"Well, this is how it's done

This is the, you know, accepted wisdom."

Those words

I don't even hear them anymore

So when I, you know, design products

or create new things,

I generally think, "I don't care

about what is. What should be?'"

Right

- [Julia] Oh, hey! Hey, guys

- Hey!

Do you guys want to introduce yourselves

for a minute?

- I'm Troy, I'm a hair stylist

- [Sara] Hi

- D'Andrea, makeup artist

- Hi, I'm Sara

[Julia] So Troy and D'Andrea

are here for you

I thought it would be

really fun for them to come

and give you like a full-on glam makeover

Hair, makeup, clothing,

the whole nine yards

Obviously, of course,

this isn't how you change your life,

because that's more internal

and making really frightening steps

This is just like a fun little treat,

just so you feel like the star of the day

- Whoa. [laughing]

- [Miriam laughing]

- You mean like now?

- [Julia] Who doesn't love a makeover?

Well, yeah!

What do you think? Is that crazy?

- Super, super cool. [giggles]

- [Julia] Let's do it

[upbeat music playing]

This is gonna be so much fun

I'm so excited for you

So I like it! Color, bold,

and we also have some clothes,

just so you get an idea

of different styles,

different textures, different colors, so

'Cause your whole life, you've been told

what to wear, what not to

- Right

- Now, you make the decisions

- [Miriam] f*ck that, you know?

- It's very exciting

That was my first,

like, foray out, was clothing

Mm-hmm. Me too!

Jeans were the first thing I wore

- I did black leather leggings

- I did basketball shorts

[Julia] Yes! Work!

[Sara] I can't figure out jeans,

they're so hard!

I don't understand the numbers and I

Well, now you have people to help you

with jeans that will fit you

When you feel confident about how

you look on the outside,

it helps you feel confident on the inside

And in our community, thinking

about your external appearance is bad

So I kinda want to tell her,

"Hey, honey, wear what you want."

"Dress how you want

It's your body, you get to choose."

Um, so of course, this is more

just, like, fun and adventure for you,

but obviously, you came here

for more than just a makeover

I know you want to make over your life,

and that's a lot more complicated

than blush and foundation

So if you have

any particular questions, or

you know,

things that you're curious about,

or, I mean seriously, anything,

like go for it. Here's your opportunity

Um, I guess, more before, like, specifics,

my first question would probably be,

how do you

kind of transition your feelings

from, um, what we were taught,

that sex has one goal,

and that is to have babies?

'Cause I had sex for the first time

when I was 16

I feel so guilty

[Julia] You have to come

to the place where you say,

"The things I've been taught

are just not true."

They're just not true

If it was supposed to be bad,

it wouldn't feel good

Right

And by the way,

you can have a lot of children,

and never once have an orgasm

The first time I had an orgasm,

I was 36 years old,

and it wasn't with a guy at all,

and certainly not my husband

It was with a vibrator

Have you ever tried a vibrator?

Um, not really. They're too loud,

too many people in my house

Um, and I wouldn't even know

what I was doing

Okay

Um, so I know this may look like a thumb,

but it's actually a vibrator

- [Sara] Mm-hmm

- [Julia] And you just press it right here

- Hey! Guess what I'm doing!

- I don't know, what?

Pushing vibrators. Are you surprised?

- [Batsheva] What?

- [Julia] Ask my daughter

I can't, I have

I have a thing with Cory

No, but this is vibrators!

This is more important!

Have fun!

[Julia] Thank you! So rude

So basically, it's very small

It's not very loud

You allowed to have a TV in your house?

Yeah. Well, I didn't ask permission,

I bought myself one

Okay, so put on the TV, put this under

the covers, no one's gonna hear sh*t

And speaking about your house

and being too loud,

maybe it's time to get out of your house

Yeah, you have a point

- [Batsheva] Hi, baby

- How are you?

- Here to pick me up? But

- Yup. How was your day?

- [Batsheva] That girl I told you about?

- That messaged? Yeah

So she was getting a complete makeover

- That's cool

- And my Right?

But my mom was handing her a vibrator

[mouthing] What?

Are you serious?

- [Batsheva] Yes

- [Ben] This is the first day she met?

She's like, "Look, Batsheva!

Look what I'm giving her!"

- Wait, she showed it to you?

- [Ben] You saw it also?

- I thought you were just walking by

- [Batsheva] No

- [Ben] It was advertised?

- [Batsheva] I walked in, Ima had it

And she's like

- [Miriam laughing]

- Are you serious?

I mean, listen, it's classic Ima,

but it's still f*cking weird

It is weird,

but I think what Ima's plan is,

from what I understood,

she's trying to get her to push herself,

and be like, "There are things out there."

"If you work hard"

You can have a vibrator

You are never gonna change

if you're still stuck in Monsey,

because you're always

gonna be the odd man out

You're always gonna be the person

everyone's looking down on

And, hey, I see you tearing up,

it's okay to cry. Like

I know what that feels like,

it's horrible

And I'm telling you,

the longer you're there,

the longer you're going to internalize it,

because it's like any other lie,

if it's told frequently enough,

you start believing it's true

You're 19 years old. There's no way

you can know what you want to do

I think what you really need to do

is just discover the world

You've just got to jump in

and figure it out as you go along

You know I'm right

- [sighs] I do! I know

- It's scary!

And I'm not saying

it's not gonna be difficult,

and I'm not saying

that you aren't gonna be lonely or scared,

or you won't make stupid mistakes

You will!

But then, you'll learn from them

and you'll become part of this world

If you were coming from Monsey,

and you'd never been

in a big, beautiful office and met a CEO,

what would your next step be,

the next day?

Mine would just be,

"Wow, that's really amazing."

"I really want to be in the workforce

and out in the world."

But I would still feel lost

as to, "How do I get there?"

You look for a job

How does she look for a job

if she's still living in Monsey?

If she has a kosher phone,

how does she look for a job?

She could go to the library,

they have computers there with Internet

She doesn't need consistent help

She can do things herself

She could be an independent woman

Batsheva's saying it would have been

more practical if your mother sat down,

showed her a game plan, as opposed to

the hair and makeup and vibrator

Miriam and Shlomo never had to experience

a big transition in their adult years

When my mom left, Miriam was really young,

and Shlomo was in his early teenage years,

so it was a much easier transition,

as opposed to someone who's leaving

when they're adult

So I think they're a little bit naive

in how they're thinking

- Hey, guys!

- [Batsheva] Just talking about you

[Miriam] Yes

As you should

So what's happening? Like

- [Julia] She got a makeover

- No, I understand the makeover

But, like, what you give her

a makeover and a vibrator?

- Yes, as one should

- And then

- A Rabbit?

- All you need to take over the world

- One of the little travel, pinky ones

- Okay

A finger, not a d*ck

[laughing]

- Thank God

- [Julia] Why, "Thank God"?

I'm trying to promote self-knowledge,

and knowing how to pleasure yourself

as a woman is part of self-knowledge

That's day-one lesson?

[Julia] I feel like

it's day-yesterday lesson

Um, her makeover's almost over

You want to come

and, like, give her some support?

[Batsheva] Definitely

- Yes

- She looks amazing!

And be supportive, please

- Always!

- Obviously

[Julia] Where is the queen?

I can't wait to see Sara, we're excited!

Drum roll!

[Robert rolling tongue]

[Miriam imitating trumpet fanfare]

[Shlomo] Introducing

[all exclaiming]

[Julia] Oh, my God!

- [Miriam] You look so cute!

- [Batsheva] Strike a pose!

- Yas, queen! Oh, my God!

- [cheering and exclaiming]

[Miriam] Wow!

[Julia] How does it feel?

You know, I came here

in a dress and jacket, no makeup

You came here khsidish,

and you're walking out a sex b*mb

- [Robert] You look so good

- [all cheering]

- I look awesome!

- [Julia] You do look awesome

You really do. And getting to choose

what to put on your body,

I know for myself, it was so critical

Like, that first pair of pants,

I felt like a bad-a*s b*tch

Yeah

And I felt strong,

and I felt like, for the first time

in my life, I had taken control

And that really, really was, like,

a big step in my kind of evolution

Sara, you have a family now here

We can't make the journey with you,

but we can certainly

make the journey less lonely

If you need help finding an apartment,

- Miriam is like the queen of

- I got you

She can help you find a place

and roommates

Help you write a CV

if you want to get a job

Whenever you're ready, no pressure

Just so you know we're here

[sighs] Thank you. Like, really

It it means a lot to me

You were here for me, and

- Thank you

- Thank you

- [all] Aww!

- Thank you, babe. Thank you

But I gotta get home

before anyone gets suspicious

Gotcha

Do you want my driver to take you back?

- Please?

- [Julia] Absolutely

- We can make that happen

- Awesome!

Can I get a drop-off

on the Upper West Side?

- [Julia] If you leave your shirt here

- Ohh!

- [Sara laughing] Ouch!

- Burn!

- Bye!

- [all] Bye!

Bye

[upbeat music playing]

- [Robert] You came at the best time

- [Mitizi] I know

Did you get any shopping done today?

- I did! I got black jeans

- We love black here in New York

Yeah, you like black

- I love black

- Yeah

[Robert] So my mom was gonna come

to my birthday but wasn't able to,

so she's gonna stay

with me for like a week and a half

I think it's the perfect opportunity

to really talk to her about

how I'm feeling, and kind of

the things I want to explore, and

I just hope that she's open to it

and I hope that, uh,

you know, together we can hold hands

through the entire process and

find the information I'm looking for

What else has been going on?

[Robert] Um, I feel like I want

to find my birth person

And I actually reached out

to a private investigator guy

So what did you find out?

He found, um

- He found the person

- Okay

And a bit more information

He found out where she is now

and where she works

And I wanted you to know

that I'm going to reach out

Well, I knew someday

you would ask or find out

- But I figured I'd be dead by then

- Oh, my God

And it wouldn't matter

I guess I'm a little hurt, 'cause I feel

like maybe I failed somewhere

Oh, my God! No,

this is what I was trying to avoid

Like, that that's the opposite

of what I'm trying to do

What's really difficult is that even

though I know this is difficult for her,

it's something that I just can't shake

I feel like I have to keep

looking for these answers

Couldn't you write the questions down,

and get the investigator

to go ask her? [chuckles]

I feel like I owe it to myself to

to just know about myself

And it's it has nothing to do with,

like, thinking about finding a family or

You're my family

- You're my everything

- Mm-hmm

And

I mean, what if you're not happy

when you find out what you're looking for?

I mean

I just want you to stay

as happy as you are,

and be happy

for the life that you had, and

I mean, why do you want to

dig up something

you may not wished you had have done?

I just want you to think about it,

and the consequences,

the good and the bad

Part of me just doesn't want

to regret not doing something

And all I can say to you

is that I love you more than anything

Nothing on Earth can

replace you as my mother

And this is just something

I have to do for myself,

it will impact only me,

and it's not going to be

something that interferes in our life

- I love you

- Love you

Don't change your name!

- Oh, my God. Never!

- Okay

- [Robert] My name is too chic

- [Mitizi laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, Mir! How's it going?

What's up? Where you at?

Walking home

So, you know, it's almost Shabbos

Wait! Are you coming?

Ima's made kugi

Nah, just gonna call it a night

- Okay

- Love you!

- Love you. Have a good Shab

- Good Shabbos, bye!

I think Miriam wants me to break Shabbos

because she looks at religion

as it's outdated

She doesn't like anything

that holds you back

For me, I love the idea

of, you know, taking a day off the week

to really just focus

on what's important in life

[clears throat]

[singing in Yiddish]

[in English] It's a good feeling

you get sometimes

when you just pray and sing the words

Just lose myself

in the moment with some prayer

Even if I feel like

I decide to not be religious,

I don't think

I'll ever fully give Shabbos up

I still would want

to, you know, celebrate our tradition

[continues singing in Yiddish]

Okay

[Ross] What's up?

- How's it going?

- Living the dream!

Yeah? How's school? Is it cold there yet?

Pretty chilly

- Good old Texas boy in the snow!

- Nope, don't like it at all

Do the dogs like it?

I'm sure they're good company

- Well

- Oh, yeah

I wanted to call you. Just so you know,

I've hired a private investigator

and really thinking about, you know,

reaching out to that birth person

- [tense music playing]

- What?

I don't see these cans of worms

that you and Mom see

[sighs] I can't believe that's what

you're doing, but that's, you know

I think you're an idiot, but I mean,

I just don't think that's the best idea

You're at a place in your life,

in your career,

everything's going very well

The way it got started is

I just don't know any medical history,

and that's not fair for me

I think you could find out medical history

without having to actually meet her

And not to sound rude,

but she might not want you to find her

Over the years, if she wanted to

reach out, she might have said something

At this point, you're running around

poking a hornet's nest

just to do it

My end purpose is to appease

this part of me that wants information

And no, I don't want to go through, like,

an Excel file and learn about it

I mean, what could happen?

She could m*rder me upon seeing me

That's really the worst-case scenario

I don't think that's likely

So, like, what else could go wrong?

You have to be careful with people

I mean, you don't want to string her out,

things like that

I think it's really sweet

that you're worried about her

- [laughing]

- Thank you thank you for that

I mean, I'm worried about you, too!

I-I've known you for 33 years,

whatever it is

- You know

- 28 years

Twenty? Oh, yeah

You and I were both lucky

in the parent pool

Mom and Dad have done a very good job

raising both of us and providing for us,

and there hasn't been anything

you and I haven't been able to do

if we wanted to do,

something they haven't supported

Does some part of you

think, like, I'm betraying the family?

I don't

I I just, I don't know

We've got the best parents in the world

I-I think sometimes Mom thinks,

"What are you looking for her for

because here I am."

Well, that's my biggest fear

is that, ultimately, Mom takes it

as if I was unhappy for some reason,

and that's not the case!

I don't know how to explain it

because it's just

this weird unknown thing

I say I want to do it,

you guys say it's a bad idea

It's just a conversation!

To you, it might just be a conversation

To Mom, it might be

You have to look

at, to me, the whole spectrum of it

We're looking at every worst scenario

Can't we look at how

it could be nice for both people?

You're right. If things go good,

that's all great and peachy

But there's, you know, five, six, seven,

eight, ten scenarios that can go bad

Those are gonna weigh heavier

into the future

than if everything goes good

So what's gonna happen?

If I decide to go through with it,

y'all are just gonna be mad at me?

I just I I don't agree with that

If this ends up being a problem,

you're the one who started it

- I don't think that's very fair

- You're the one reaching out to her

You have to think about Mom too

I got to go, I got sh*t to do

- Ross, come on

- I'll talk to you later. Bye

It's extremely important

that I'm not hurting

my mom's feelings,

or my brother's feelings,

or my dad's feelings,

because at the end of the day,

they are everything

that's important to me

[sighs]

And

I realize I can't do it

[closing theme playing]