01x11 - The Hero, Covered in Mud

[bunniefuu]

- I swear, your injuries put me

to work every single time.

You're always rushing in there

like some kind of lunatic.

- Thanks a bunch for

the assist, Fred.

Without you, I'd probably have

died a long time ago.

- Yeah, you're not wrong.

And you're not the only one

with this problem either.

But you are a bigger pain

in the a*s than most.

Here.

- Oh. Huh?

What is it?

- [Fred] If you're faced

with low level magic,

that amulet should

counteract it,

hopefully put your mind at ease.

- Wait, really?

Thanks a ton, my friend!

- [Fred] Use it.

So I'm not constantly

having to heal you, got it?

[Leo chuckles]

- Give me a break.

Why can't Fred just be

honest for once?

- You're not wrong there.

I guess the guy could stand

to be less abrasive, huh?

Choose his words better.

- And while Leo's

not any better,

he's way too reckless out there.

It's like he

doesn't even see it,

how Fred worries

about him so much.

All that strength and yet just

zero emotional intelligence.

Fred's going to blow up

on him eventually.

- Wow. Now that's

awfully perceptive.

- Yeah,

but as long as they keep

flirting with each other,

they should be fine.

- Knock it off!

- What?

- [Max] Flirting?

- Stop doing that!

- What do you mean, Fred?

- If anything ever happens,

you're going to

have to play referee.

You do know that, right?

- Wait, what now?

You think so?

I don't know.

Seems like a big responsibility.

- Well, it's going to fall on

you, Max. Don't forget.

[Yuria screaming]

- [Sara] Things are

getting pretty dicey

between the Hero

and his friends.

- Now's not the time

for a play by play!

I'm gonna have

a fricking baby here!

- You okay? Just hang in there

a little longer, sweetie!

[Yuria continues screaming]

["One Room Adventure"

by MADKID plays]

[wind blowing]

- [Reporter] What the?

Something fell from the sky.

- Wait, is that another one?

- You have got to be kidding me.

- Hmm.

[Max groans]

- Who the heck just showed up?

- Kind of feel like

I know him from somewhere.

- Wait a minute.

Is that Max the Hero?

- Oh God. Why does he

look so old?

He aged like milk. Ew!

- [Max] [groaning]

Jesus H. That hurt like hell.

Maybe I shouldn't

have come here.

Too old for this sh*t,

I swear.

- [Reporter] Mr. Minister, do

you believe Chief Secretary Fred

has been thrown

under the proverbial bus?

- That is not my understanding

of the present circumstances.

If worse comes to worst,

the Royal Army is prepared

to act accordingly.

- [Reporter 2] And what would

be the worst case scenario

in this situation?

Is it possible, in your opinion,

that the Kingdom is in danger?

The people need to know!

- The situation poses

absolutely no threat

to the lives or safety of the

Kingdom citizens at this time.

I urge all to remain calm

and go about your business.

- [Reporter 3] Sir,

I have a question.

- Minister, it seems

Max the Hero

has just appeared at

the scene of the battle.

[George gasps]

[shutters clicking]

- You see there, little missy?

What did I tell you?

- This is perfect.

Now if we can just get

the Hero to stop Leo.

- You say that as if

it's gonna be easy.

Max is no spring chicken.

And even if he does win,

I can't imagine he would bend

to the will of the Kingdom

all of a sudden.

- Ha, just ignore her.

Look, it's starting now.

- Why would you even bother

showing up now?

- [scoffs]

The Mighty Hero has come

to rescue the kingdom in crisis.

- "A kingdom in crisis?"

Oh, don't flatter yourself.

You're not nearly as big a deal

as you seem to think you are.

- [Leo] I'll take you both on

if I have to,

to protect this land

and its people.

- Acting all righteous, are we?

You and your little criminal pal

seized this land illegally.

- The Kingdom is the one

who tried to steal

our land, as*h*le!

Even you should be able

to see that.

- Shut the hell up, both of ya!

"Kingdom" this,

"Republic" that

always the same dumb

bullshit over and over.

Gotta be honest,

I'm sick of hearing it.

Now I gotta smash

both you jackasses,

so I don't have to hear

you two b*tch anymore.

[energetic music]

- [Menehild] Huh?

- Yep. I could have told you

that was gonna happen.

Now, with that said,

let's sit back

and enjoy the

mudslinging contest.

- What "dumb bullshit"?

You can't be serious.

What would a sad loser

like you know anyway?

Try minding your

own business for once.

- I wish I could.

Whatever it is

you're fighting for,

I really don't give a sh*t.

But now you pissed me off,

so it's personal.

I didn't want this,

but you b*stards screwed

everything up!

- I don't understand

what's going on.

But I'm guessing you

didn't come here

to act as Fred's backup,

did you?

[energetic rock music continues]

[all growling]

I don't care either way.

It's fine by me.

[Max exhales]

[Fred exhales]

[Leo chuckles]

Let's keep it simple.

There's only one rule.

The last man standing

is the winner.

Max! Fred! Let's go!

- You idiots asked for this!

I'll teach you a lesson

the hard way!

[energetic rock music continues]

[Max yells]

[Reporter screams]

[Max panting]

[Leo grunting]

- How very splendid.

This video shall prove

most valuable.

Though all we can do at

this precise moment is watch.

Zeeman, you have thoughts?

- Perhaps it's punishment for

our actions thus far.

[Max and Leo grunting]

- What's the matter, Max?

Looking a little slow.

- Shut up!

[Leo gasps]

[Max yells]

Huh?

- You talked up a big game

and even whipped out

the Holy Blade.

[tense music]

[Max panting]

So what is going on?

Tell me, Max.

- Gimme a damn break.

It's been a decade

since I did this sh*t.

I can't fight forever.

I'm an old-a*s man.

- We're all the same age, dude.

- You stay out of this.

What a disappointment.

"Hero" my a*s.

How ridiculous.

Don't make an even bigger

fool of yourself.

I'll put you in the

damn ground right now!

[dramatic music]

[Fred yells]

[sh**ting fades]

[Fred panting]

[drone whirring]

- Max, are you..?

[spectators gasping]

[gasping]

- [Photographer] Is he,

like, dead or..?

[all gasping]

- [Max] It's no use.

No way I can win this.

I should have known better

from the start.

Leaving my apartment for

this fight was a dumb idea.

- Don't you dare give up!

- Huh?

[wind blowing]

- Hey, uh, Lord Behemoth?

Take care of these guys,

would you please?

[groans]

[dramatic music]

[dragon roars]

[dramatic music continues]

- Don't you dare give up!

- "Don't give up," he says.

Gonna need more than

a pep talk, Max.

How are we supposed to

slay this thing?

It's as big as a frigging house.

So long as it's up there, not

even Blazebringer can reach it.

And sadly, our attacks spells

aren't very effective

at this range either.

Why did we try to

fight this thing?

We must have been completely

out of our damn minds!

- Don't sweat it, my comrades.

I'll be your shield!

- Have you forgotten who has to

heal your a*s every single time?

- How many more times

can you cast that

healing spell of yours?

- [Fred] About four

or five at most.

And it's getting weaker.

I swear. This is exactly

why I said

we should just leave the

damn thing alone and go up

- Dwelling on the past

won't change anything.

So when Max tells us

not to give up,

we make sure to fight

with every last ounce of

strength we've got left.

- Thank you.

- Now that's the spirit, Yuria.

- I believe in Max,

you, and even Fred.

- [sighs]

I'm assuming you have a bite

to go along with

that bark of yours.

- I sure do.

Because when my spells

won't do the trick

then I suppose our only

other choice is the sword.

[Yuria groaning]

Open wide, Max.

- Ah

- [Both] Huh?

- Full Maximum Drive.

The full force of

my incredible magic

condensed into

a bite-sized treat.

And just so you know,

you only get one shot.

So finish this off

while you have the chance.

[dramatic music continues]

- Go and kick his a*s, Max!

- k*ll it before the wall

comes crumbling down.

[Max yelling]

[Max groaning]

- You are a persistent b*stard.

What? Do you really want

another beat down?

[Leo chuckles]

[Max grunting]

[dramatic music continues]

[gasps]

Is that what I think..?

[Max groaning]

[candy crunching]

[chewing]

[swallowing]

[Sara gasps]

[Yuria screaming]

[dramatic music continues]

- Okay, I see what's going on.

Brings back memories.

- Yeah. Well, it figures.

Sticking her nose

where it doesn't belong.

- [Yuria] Max, can you hear me?

- [Max] Yeah, I'm listening.

- No reply needed.

This is just a recording.

- Hmm.

- [Yuria] You do remember,

don't you?

Maximum Drive isn't

a long-lasting spell.

I suggest you settle this

before its effects wear off.

Then again, I'm sure those two

have figured that out by now.

- [Max] Yeah, probably.

- [Yuria] Max, I'm sorry

I couldn't be there

to help in person.

But we can't have

a pregnant lady

running around on a

b*ttlefield now, can we?

So don't you go dying on me.

[laughs]

I know you can do it,

Max the Hero.

Now go!

Get these two morons

to stop all this nonsense!

- Nosy b*tch! Why don't you

go back home and

[valiant music]

[Max yells]

[Fred whimpers, then gasps]

[valiant music continues]

- There's no

going back now, Max.

Give me your best shot.

Everything you've got.

[valiant music continues]

[Max grunting]

[Max and Leo grunting]

[mountain explodes]

- [panting]

Damn it, boss.

A kid?

Can you hear me, kid?

Are you all right?

- Yes. I'm gonna be fine.

Hey, I know you.

You're that guy from

the thingy, right?

- What?

- [gasps]

Wait, what happened to Max?

Do you have a smartphone

or something?

[Max and Leo grunting]

[valiant music]

- So how about it, Max?

Do you think you can defeat me?

I know you've got

Yuria's Maximum Drive,

but it won't last forever.

- Good God!

Quit your squawking already,

you dumb prick!

- Kick his a*s!

- [Zenia] And this wire

goes here.

[Max and Leo yelling]

- What the hell is

wrong with you guys?

And why are we the ones

who are out here fighting

like a bunch of

schoolyard children?

Leo, you started this whole

thing by defying the Kingdom.

Max, if you had just cooperated

with us in the first place,

we could have solved this

without having to

pulverize each other.

What now, Fred?

How do you plan on fixing this?

Max, let's assume

you manage to beat us.

What will it change?

Are you going to take my place

as the Kingdom's lapdog?

And what about Yuria?

How did I surround myself with

the world's biggest imbeciles?

[dramatic music continues]

Or am I the imbecile?

[laughs]

[Max panting]

[Leo panting]

[Max shouts]

[Leo shouts]

[Max grunts]

[Leo choking]

[both panting]

- Max, look out behind you.

[dramatic music]

- [Fred] Selfish,

inconsiderate b*stards.

Every last one of you!

[dramatic music continues]

I've had about enough!

You're dead,

you sons of b*tches!

[dramatic music continues]

What the

[Fred gasps]

[valiant music]

- You

You really are the Demon

[Max shouts]

Ah!

[Max laughs]

- [groaning]

Oh, so painful! Ah!

Oh God, everything hurts.

[groans]

- He did it!

The Hero beat them both!

- But, uh, are we sure

that's a good thing?

- What's gonna happen now?

I mean, what's the Kingdom

gonna do about this?

- Come here.

[Max panting]

Let's see. Camera. Camera.

Oh, up there.

[panting]

[bodies thud]

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry for everything!

- [Both] Huh?

- Huh?

- Huh?

- My friends, Leo and Fred,

they made a huge mess and

dragged everyone else into it.

I didn't want that. Nobody did.

But But please

everyone who's watching this,

tell me what I'm supposed to do.

Tell me how to make it all end.

[solemn music]

- Max, what the heck

are you doing?

[solemn music continues]

- [Max] Please.

I don't want my friends

to fight anymore.

I'm begging you.

There has to be a way

to settle this.

I just want to be with

my friends again!

I'll do whatever it takes.

Just tell me, please!

Please, please!

Help me get

my friends back, please.

That's all I want.

["Mirai=Teleport"

by Nenne plays]