01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

[intro background music]

[guy, whispering] Hello, father.

[church music]

What should I start with?

[priest] Well, Yur, speak.

What are you so worried about?

I don't know what's the matter.
I have never had such a thing.

Different thoughts torment, interfere with work.

- Hmm.
- And yesterday they brought a donation to the temple,

and the woman gave me money.

And she said it's for me.
And so I wanted to buy chocolate.

- During the lent!
- I didn't buy it.

I took the money to the monastic cell and set it aside.

You will burn in hell for this.

- Yes?
- So, you are too moody

I also found a mortal sin.

This is what they gave you. Tell father don't be afraid.

... in the Holy Trinity One,
glorified and worshiped

Father, and Son, and Holy Spirit,
all my sins, that I committed

all the days of my belly
and every hour of the day...

Where did you learn such a text?

- What?
- Do not lie that since childhood you prayed like that.

I read on the Internet.

How did I sinned?

In everything, father, in everything.

And you were stealing horses?

Don't falsely accuse yourself, Sasha.

[music continues]

[priest] Our Lord Jesus Christ.

The sins of the servant of God Yuri are forgiven,

voluntary and involuntary.

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Amen.

[Arabic music]

[car horn]

Angelina Andreevna,
we work more with our feet.

- You can't even see me.
- Why, I see everything.

Oxygen, calories, geolocation.

[coach] And even a croissant,
which you ate with jam in the morning. Yeah.

Sergey, my muscles are already sore,

which I didn't even know existed.

You will soon be like a golf club.

Kolya, you can play golf with her

Masha, help yourself to tomatoes.
They arrived from home yesterday.

What, just flew alone, on an airplane?

- Yes.
- Seriously, no passengers?

Yes. Yes!

Listen, I'm directly presenting:
such tomatoes flying on their seats,

a tomato stewardess
gives them instruction.

"First put the mask on the tomato,
then on yourself…”

[Gelya] Don't feed this woman anymore.
She is already really loose, like a meringue.

What?

- How do you live without sports in general?
- Sex Therapy, Gel.

What muscle groups is this?

And it depends on the partner.
But mostly the muscles of the lips.

Sometimes you get so much loved that you feel like
like after three hours of exercise.

- Masha!
- What is "Masha"?

It's amazing cardio
muscles are stretched.

Biceps can be pumped up.
True, only on one hand.

Bliss! Not what you have.

- Sergey, so why are we wasting time?
- A?

[Kolya] It's not the point, Seryoga.

Coach with clients only sleeps in porn.

And for this part we have Masha.

[Sergey] Nikolai Vitalievich,
I'm not into those things...

[Arabic music]

I'm glad everyone is having fun. Are you having fun?

Certainly.

I'm very, very happy.

- I'll be leaving in an hour.
- What do you mean?

- Kol', but you have just arrived.
- Don't be angry.

What a beautiful morning.
Go have breakfast with the kids.

- I am losing weight.
- Confirmed.

Then don't have breakfast. Or have breakfast
and then lose weight with sex therapy.

That's interesting, with whom?

Damn, they wanted to go to the club,
to a restaurant.

Seryoga, take the girls to the circus,
to the club where they want to go.

- I can take you to the old city.
- We planned to have a rest together.

- You annoy me.
- Don `t cry.

[music continues]

I'm sponsoring a movie right now.

There is the main character
is sent to the bottom of the ocean in a boat.

- And what?
- If you whine -

I will approve and leave you to the sharks.

That's not funny at all.

- Mash, I don’t have a life, but some kind of wrecage.
- The bottom in general. Hiroshima is resting.

- Seryozha, order us two bottles of Widow.
- Yes, there is already one widow here - it's me.

- Straw.
- You are my straw widow.

Well, let's eat a tomato.

Well done. Good girl.

See how smart she is.

Here we go?

[Arabic music changes to church music]

[music fades]

[Masha] Hey guys!

Sit down with us!

Tamada, come to us!

Masha, what are you, a fool at all?

- We'll be fined.
- [Masha laughs]

They put in jail for going out
to the balcony in a bathing suit!

[in English]
Come on, kids, go to mommy!

[in English] I love sex!
Come to me, my babies, f*ck me!

I adore you.

- Sergey, open a bottle for us.
- Come on, just you. She's had enough already.

We are in the Emirates - here is a woman
speaks and the man acts.

In the Emirates, things are a bit different

We have our Emirates here.

[in English] Hello!
You are so beautiful! Such beauties!

[in English]
Never mind. She's crazy.

Come with us!

[Sergei] Listen, girls.
I'm not involved in this, okay?

You don't participate in this anyway.
Kolya told us to rest.

[joyful squeals of girls]

Stop here, buy us some water.

[Sergey] Trunk full of water.

I want cold, fresh sparkling water.

- But, Angelina Andreevna...
- I want.

[Sergey] It's being done.

[tense Arabic music]

[music fades]

[sound of motorbike passing]

What are you doing? What are you doing?

[Masha] Pokeda!

b*tch!

Angelina Andreevna!

[tense Arabic music]

[music fades]

[old man] Yur, take the water to the guys.

Certainly.

[folk instrumental]

- Hello, Yuri.
- Good afternoon.

I brought water.

- [music continues]
- [hammer sounds]

- I brought.
- [man, gleefully] Finally.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

[joyful squeals of girls]

Angelina Andreevna,
you have exactly two hours,

in order to lose
mental virginity

in an Arab country.

- Which?
- Mental.

You should relax
get out of your comfort zone

hang out with the Bedouins in the desert.

Can you tell me more about patterns?
or about how the planets affect my sleep.

What, you don't believe in it?

- And do you believe?
- No I do not believe.

But today is the seventh lunar day,

I wrote a letter to the vag*na.

Oh look, look, look!

She seems to be answering me.

[mimics vag*na] "I want adventure!"

vag*na, we listen to you and obey!

Okay, let's obey
And you still need to go home soon, right?

Adventures, Gelya, sit down.

Okay, come on.

[funny music]

[in English]
Boys, hello! Do you surf in the desert?

[in English] We're surfing in the sea. With you!

[in English] No, no, thanks!

- [in English] Are you dating?
- No, we're just friends.

They have weird accent anyway.

Oh hello!

Guys, catch up!

[joyful squeals of girls]

[woman] Demons tortured me.

Surround, fly around at night, father.

I'm already using sleeping pills
and pray whole fast.

And now I am even ready to go to a psychiatric hospital.

I come to a neighbor, and everything is there:

cakes, salads.

When I saw it, it shook me.

I ran home

and jump under the duvet. I lie, I pray.

I pray, I swear
that this will not happen again.

When I just fall asleep - demons wake up.

Well, where are the demons?

The demons were tempting the saints
and you just want to eat.

I swear it's like it's not me.

I know myself, I control myself.

I kept the whole post, was losing weight.

I tell my friend...
I yelled at her and said:

“Why did you invite me to the post?
Why are you tempting me?"

Fasting is not a diet.

You know?
Go to your neighbor and eat well.

- It's Holy Week.
- And I give you such an obedience.

[wind sounds]

The post is not only
not to take food in your mouth,

and also - not to eat other people

And how am I now?

You tell her thanks to your neighbor.

She is not to blame for anything. Hug.

Then sleep. In the morning you will pray

and maybe stop eating
not because you mustn't

but because you yourself decided so.

Wow.

Thank you.

- Debauching.
- Dad!

What?

I mean, running for women?

Well, no, well, myself ...

It's called handshake.

And if you don't know these words,
express yourself simpler.

Well?

Well, no matter when I come,
you always sit on porn sites

- Dad, don't.
- That's it. Shut up.

Already got beaten by belt and kicked out of the house.

Came back, but can't stop.

- Yes dad!
- What?

Vitya, let me tell my father two words.

Have you ever visited these sites yourself?

And then you already gave him a belt,
Do you read these magazines yourself?

[quiet disturbing music]

[Yura's father]
Why are you humiliating him in front of everyone?

If you are sure that he goes there
not because of you

I will speak harshly to him.

But tell me are you sure?

Oh no.

[music continues]

I am not on purpose.

When you stop, how do you feel?

Yes, here ... it's empty here.

Then you want it again.

- Something gnawing at your heart?
- Yeah.

Vit', you are free
but, it turns out, locked in prison.

- How is that?
- You are under arrest of your desires

- Do you play sports?
- Yes, football.

A? Fine. Come on.

Pas, Vit'! Pass, pass!

- Is the box in the yard?
- Yes.

[Yura's father] Do you drive with boys?

Get out more.

And don't lie in bed for a long time in the morning.

Woke up - got up, exercise, shower.

And on the Internet

other than p*rn*graphy
there are many more interesting things.

[Yura's father] Different countries, beautiful places.

You can always find something interesting.

You whisper a prayer - let go.

And if it doesn't let go --

come to me again.

- Thank you.
- Bless you.

[music continues]

[screaming seagulls]

[Arabic music]

Yes Yes. Put your hands up.

- One here, one here.
- [Masha] Guys.

Need to push off at the same time
two hands up.

So the waves are small.
And it is possible so that it covers,

as in the picture, with the head?

Well, you just try to
climb first and not to fall!

Grab it normally under the buttocks.

Hey, hands off. Thank you.

- Get out, get out, go, beauty.
- What are you, it's okay

Well, I'm not to you, I'm saying to the wave.

[sound of waves]

[screaming seagulls]

- Are you, Alexander, a photographer?
- I'm a cinematographer

I'm making a movie about Ju.

Cinematographer from Ussuriysk
making a film about black from Dubai.

- Are you g*y guys?
- Sorry.

And you? Sorry.

Whoa!

Listen, g*y.

Have you ever been to the "Kinotavr"?

Now let's finish the film and go.

But, you know, better in Karlovy Vary.

Yes, there are no such orgies.

By the way, I was at the "Kinotavr",
and there is everything there.

One celebrity told me
Do you the best sex I had with?

- With Kozlovsky?
- With her.

No, with a security guard.

There are stars around, and then such a move by a knight.

Or with a surfer.

By the way, I'm a surfer.
- [Gelya] Forget it guys.

Listen, don't film. And what?

Nothing. I took a guard, a star,
and hung out together.

It's a pleasure doing business with you, Maria.

So you just gave yourself to the left dude?

- Well, what, I can not get high?
- [Gelya] And how was it, you got high?

The guard is okay.

And the celebrity is plastic.

I want some coddling.

[tense music]

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

[sound of waves]

[church music]

[music continues]

Take scissors and give them to me.

[priest] Take the scissors and wait for me.

[music continues]

[priest] Take the scissors and wait for me.

[priest] Brother, what is your name?

Sinful monk Matthew.

[church music changes to club music]

I have never seen you so happy.

And I have never been like that.

Now let's finish the dance and then let's go home, okay?

[music continues]

Now let's just go home.

- Thanks guys!
- Let's go to the toilet.

Fine.

[notification sound]

Okay, that's it. We finish and go home.

No, it is not over.

Yo-my. Sergei called already.

Mash, I'm a mother of two, damn it!

Oh, Kolen'ka will scold, it's so scary!

[music cuts off abruptly]

[Gelya] Damn, there is no connection at all.

Lord, how do you live like this? As in the 37th.

Constant surveillance. I would hang myself.

So hang yourself.

How long have you been suffering with us?
At Colin's expense.

Okay, okay, I'm just offended

that my girlfriend can't kiss Joo,

when you want it so badly.

[Gelya]
I myself can order this in Moscow.

You can't, Gelechka,
you can't, you can't, you can't.

There you have to call, choose,
negotiate, hide. It's unrealistic.

And everything is real here.

Now or never.

[Gelya] Masha! What are you doing?

Are you convincing me?

Nope. If you want, go home.
You have morning exercises.

And I stay.

Are you setting conditions for me?

Have you eaten Baku tomatoes?
Come back to earth.

We leave, say goodbye and go home.

Op!

Sorry, let's go.

[club music playing at full speed]

Well, let's leave?

[music fades]

[unnatural voice] Gelya!

Masha, I love you!

I can not hear!

Am I beautifull?

You are the b*mb!

In Senegal you would have been beaten with sticks.

- Why?
- As a token of respect.

I'm drunk.

Me?

[muted music]

I love you.

And this is very good, you know?

Salty.

Hey girls!

Do you need lifeguards?

- No!
- I'm the best rescuer of Dagar!

Don't swim here, boys.

We are very good here.

Are they waterproof?

Atomic resistant. Like my marriage.

"Bye" tell them.

And this is in vain.

- Yes.
- [Kolya] How are things?

They are still in the club, Nikolai Vitalievich.

- Well, how are the children?
- Children are sleeping long ago.

Seryozha, you look, do no bother them
there too much, let them relax.

The main thing is that you
would have everything under control.

Well…

Now the connection is bad.
Yes, I do control, of course.

[Kolya] Can you remind them
about the Mariana Trench.

Tell them they're waiting there.

[Kolya laughs]

Do you know exactly where they are?

- Yes, of course.
- [Kolya] All right.

- Call me later.
- Yes.

[crowd cheers]

[tense music]

[animal growls]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[music cuts off]

[in English] Hello, miss.
Do you live in our hotel?

- [grinding]
- [sighs]

[in English] Do you live in our hotel?

[in English] I live in Moscow.

In Russia.

So you are staying here?
What is your number?

Where is my villa?

[sound of waves]

Miss, are you okay?

- Hey miss!
- We're from the hotel.

If you live in a villa, we can
call there and request a transfer.

Gelya, is this some kind of joke?

[in English] Miss, miss, please!

[in English] Back off.

Thanks guys. Everyone, go.

No, no, miss.

- You need to go.
- May I have your passport?

You have to go

Okay, Maria.

Fine.

I'm sorry, but you are not registered.

What do you mean? I have reserved.

However, it's time for you to leave.

b*tch!

[In the Arabic language]
Osman! She will stain the towel.

[In the Arabic language]
She leaves in our towel.

- [in English] This is our towel!
- Miss!

Please. This is our towel.

[in English] Don't touch me. Crazy?

- This is our towel!
- I have no clothes.

OK, got it.

But you can go to the store
and buy some clothes.

[in English] Okay, I get it.

Listen, get off me.

[in English] I'll complain to you.

- Burn in hell.
- Please, Miss...

[in English] Here... Here it is.

You guys will be fired.

[in English] Thank you.

So.

- [in English] Good morning madam.
- Hello.

The seventh villa in the name of Burkov.

Your girlfriend has left and your number
did not reserve. I'm really sorry.

What "reserve, not sorry"?
The seventh villa, "seven"!

- [in English] I'm sorry.
- Where are my things?

[in English] My things!

Got it.

- Hello.
- Katyusha, hello.

- But I can’t find something for Gelya.
- [Katya] Good luck, sorry.

- Hello, Kat', what are you?
- [in English] Out, please.

[Katya] Angelina flew to Moscow.

- So get me tickets as well.
- [Katya] Maria Alexandrovna, goodbye.

- I say, take my tickets.
- Sorry.

[annoyed] Get me out
anyone from here or not, b*tch!

[Masha] f*ck.

They screwed me and dumped

Self-indulgent bourgeois.

What is "swig"? What are you looking at?

[Masha sighs]
Lord, how is this done?

So, six, five...

[Yura's father] Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Well done.

You screamed at night. Why?

Screamed?

I do not remember. Probably a terrible dream.

[screaming seagulls]

I really don't remember.

I woke up and everything was wet.

There.

- It happens.
- Is it a sin?

Theophan the Recluse wrote,
it happens unconsciously

comes from shameful desires. How are you?

Unconsciously.

Pray and work.
Evaporate everything from the soul and from the body.

Dad, why watch porn?

For no reason.

It's better to make love.

If you don't become a monk,
but you will be a novice or a worker -

marry, you will love your wife,
and you won't need anything.

All this is nonsense, from the evil one.

- [Yura] Where do they watch it?
- On the Internet.

You said there are many
interesting, beautiful.

Even in a pile of garbage you can find a pearl.

But while you're looking
you still get dirty.

[dispatcher] Passengers of flight 2357,

en route to Moscow.

The airline apologizes
for the inconvenience...

[cashier] Are you getting the ticket?

No, f*ck, I'll stay here.

- A?
- Are you in the 70s?

[Phone calls]

- Nataha, great.
- Mash, have you arrived?

At home, yes.

- Alive?
- What do you mean?

You go to the Internet, to Telegram,
maybe already in the news.

- I'm scared for you.
- I'm having sunstroke.

[notification sound]

[tense music]

[Natasha] See? I am scared for you, I say.

Be afraid for yourself.

Mash, everyone is looking for you.

[music intensifies]

[notification sound]

[sighs]

[club music]

Guys, this is Oscar.

[sighs]

[squeals]

Don't touch us!

[Gela roars]

I posted it all, I have
stream is on! f*ck! Good!

[announcement sounds]

[notification sound]

[disturbing music]

[beeps]

Kirochka, dear, hello. How are you

[Kirill] "Honey", f*ck. And how many?

Priceless, of course, dear.
Maybe on video?

You're calling me for the first time in six months.
What kind of dear am I to you, Mash!

Kir, but you have a real problem.

- [Kirill] I know. And what I have to do with it?
- Can you meet me at the airport?

- So that they hang me by the legs from the balcony?
- What?

What do you think your beach friends
will be just patted on the head?

- What's wrong with them?
- You know, I'm even glad.

- It couldn't have ended any other way.
- What are you happy about?

I am happy that I will be dead?

Listen, Masha, it just now started to
let me go, about your thing

So no, the entire Internet was flooded with videos,
there is some cool n*gga

and the guy who filmed
it's all on the phone, is ret*rd,

banging my girlfriend together.

Awesome, Masha!

You know what, go f*ck yourself
with your misfortune.

- sh*t, I don't remember anything at all.
- They don't remember anything about you either.

- But you can't dump me, can you?
- That's it, disappear.

Just disappear, go somewhere
I don’t know, f*ck, to my grandmother on the train.

And if you're over the hill, sit there.

If I find you, I will
I'll finish you myself, I promise you.

Can you transfer me just a little
bit to Sberbank?

Man, give me a cigarette, please.

[sound of passing cars]

[sad music]

[music continues]

Do you also want to be a monk?

I dream.

I want to be like you dad.

Dreaming is not enough.

Need to decide.

Listen to your heart.

Not me, no one.

Only yourself.

[music fades]

Crap. Now.

[Phone calls]

Hey Kol.

Mash, where are you?

[Masha]
Plane landed urgently due to bad weather

or a technical problem, I did not understand.

Wonderful. We wait.

Please, is it possible without it?

We're not in the 90s, don't scare me.

- [Kolya] What are you talking about, Masha?
- And why do your guys write to me?

What guys, where are you?
We want to help you.

[Masha] Well, here's the video, guys, well!

[Kolya] Video?

You're talking about these assholes,
who r*ped you?

- Well, yes.
- So it wasn't enough to beat them

Goats, f*ck.

They gave you drugs after all.

Well, nothing, we will do everything according to the law.
We'll get them into jail properly, don't worry.

- Where are you?
- Well, in transit.

So, are you all right then?

Well, you're not to blame, are you?

Me not.

Quiet, quiet, little one, don't cry.

Throw me a geolocation, my guys will drive up,

we'll send you on a private plane.

How's the tomato?

[Kolya] Like a tomato.

Wait there, they'll pick you up.

- And where to wait, at the airport?
- Well, are you there?

- Wait there.
- Yes.

Oh hi Yuri.

George.

Will you tell your father, George?

- Will you?
- No.

Right. Do you know,
what your dad will do for that?

Nope.

On other week he
locked two men in a garage for five days.

And gave to each a block of cigarettes.

They were puking further than they were seeing.
Came out green.

I did not know.

What, did they quit?

Well, anyone will quit there.

[employee] What?

Okay, joke.

Everything is fine.

Just made a admonish[scolding].

[church music]

What, do you want that too?

[music fades]

I decide.

Does that mean you can't go?

All the will of God.

If he sees in me
monastic dispensation, I'll go.

Well, you can't get married then, right?

Right. Monks renounce marriage.

I can still as a dad, as a priest.

Crazy. What the hell do you need this for?

You don't want to live normally, like ...

[sad music]

Why are you here?

Well, we have something there concern.

And you're still small.

Yes, have seen enjoyment in his life.

And he stole it from you. This is how?

My dad is a saint to me.

Good night.

[music intensifies]

[girl stuttering]
It is loud here, but beautiful.

[Yura's father] Thank you.

Now you are part of this beauty.

Who do you hear?

[stuttering] Chickens.

What else?

[girl stuttering] Chickens are very loud.

Chickens are quiet.

[chicken chirping]

They are screaming in your head.

[Yura's father] Take it.

Let it go and stop
stutter now.

Well?

Say Say.

Why are you squeezing it

let go, don't hold it.

Come on.

Speak.

Speak!

[Yura's father] Speak!

Speak!

[no stutter]
What should I say? I let go, what next?

[church music]

[music fades]

[disturbing music]

- Maria Alexandrovna?
- Yes.

I'm from Nikolai Vitalievich. Come on.

Nicholas told me
that we will go to Moscow.

Yes sir. Come on.

- Where?
- Don't worry. Let's go, let's go.

So.

Lord help me please.
Tell me, send a sign.

I really want a monastic feat,
I'm ready for the cut.

I am Your son before You.

Lord help me please.
Tell me, send a sign.

I really want the monastic feat.
I'm ready for a haircut.

I am Your son before You.

[music continues]

[train noise]

Can you do this?

I can do like this.

Shall I turn on the heating?

Thanks, yeah. Somehow got overheated.

Are we going far?

[car horn]

- Damn it.
- Get out.

[driver] Remove the car

Hey, hello, get the car out quick.

[music continues]

Where the f*ck!

- Here! f*ck, come!
- Get in the car.

[dog's bark]

Hush hush! Hush, sit, hush.

[sounds of a passing car]

[dog's bark]

- Don't you fuss.
- Now.

Who the f*ck is hustling around here?

[driver] Try geolocation.

[Phone calls]

[Phone calls]

[call ends]

b*tch!

[thunder sounds]

[thunder sounds]

[thunder sounds]

[church music]

[Yura] Give us our daily bread today;

and forgive our debts, just like we
we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

Lord, have mercy, Lord
have mercy, Lord, have mercy.

It's a pity that at the age of 16
one can't become a monk, dad.

Do not rush.

I've already decided everything.

You better decide where to throw out
the rotten potatoes tomorrow, for starters.

[music continues]

[knock on the window, man] Father Barsanuphius!

You are called to the gate!

[thunder sounds]

[music continues]

[thunder sounds]