01x02 - Poppycock

[bunniefuu]

How did I miss

that he has a f*cking girlfriend?

He was totally giving me vibes.

Girl, he is all over her page.

Clingy much?

What in the telenovela

is happening in my life?

"My booed-up crush

is my high school enemy's

adopted black brother?"

f*ck yes. I'd watch that.

- Jay, focus!

- Hmm!

How do I still win Sivu after this?

You don't.

Men will just

use you and hurt you

and basically as*ault you and then

act like nothing happened.

Jay, you can trust me.

You can tell me who hurt you.

It was Caesar.

- Caesar? Really?

- Yeah.

Did Makhanda break my gaydar?

Okay, but you have to report him.

Especially since

he's standing for re-election.

- Jay, you have to.

- No.

I wont I was outed, okay?

And I would never do that to anyone.

Not even a d*ck like him.

But please tell me more

about your home wrecking plans.

Don't call it that.

And Pearl is not a mountain.

Okay? She can be moved.

Natalie just needs

to not f*ck this up for me.

You need to stop

leaving your clothes

- lying everywhere.

- My side, my rules, honey.

I'm serious, Mbali,

I'm not going to clean up after you.

Are you sure about that?

This one as well.

Thanks, doll.

Who the f*ck was that?

Oh, my roommate.

First, you piss off Natalie

on the first day. And now this?

You really know

how to make friends, eh? Cheers.

Oh please,

Natalie is a breeze.

Girls like her worship me.

Okay Purr!

You need to cover

my ST-Uber trips tonight for me.

I have a date.

- A date?

- Mm-hmm.

- Even after the

- Mm-mm.

I am done wasting away

my varsity life for some as*h*le.

f*ck this romance bullshit.

From now on the only feeling is horny.

Fine. It's not like

you got customers anyway.

Hold on.

Why the hell are we

at the Engineering block?

Because I downloaded Natalie's time table.

- So you are stalking her.

- I have a plan.

Oh my God, Mbali.

Oops!

So sorry. Didn't see you there.

What are you doing here?

Okay, look, I'm ready to forgive you

for telling everybody who my mother is

and for us to be friends.

Let's have drinks together. It'd be fun.

I'd rather rewatch

the finale of Game of Thrones.

Can Can you believe her?!

Not you making drinks

your whole plan, please.

Shut up.

Two months in a cast isn't so bad, eh?

I'm out for the rest of the season.

- You you can go ahead, Pearl.

- No, you're his mom.

The moment of truth.

Who is Sivu's true first lady?

Actually, I can feed myself.

Can somebody say something

that's not about my hand?

Natalie is joining the Labia Lab.

Hey!

You're joining that antiquated club

that excludes trans women?

Unfortunately.

But you are absolutely right, Pearl.

Maybe we should, um,

we should table this, Natalie.

Fighting for the rights

of women who don't have labias.

Can we not talk about labias at dinner?

Are you ready

for the presidential debate?

I don't feel like running

for president anymore.

Oh, your injured hand

shouldn't affect your ability

to run, Sivu.

James, he needs the rest.

Didn't you hear the doctor?

That in the

They said he may never row again.

- I'm encouraging him.

- Sivu

This is a safe space.

Bottling your emotions

isn't going to help.

What ever it is, let it out.

Are you going to fix my hand?

My career? Give me back my life?

No, you're not.

So how is talking going to help anyone?

Oh, you know what?

No, you go.

Of course, you go. Of course.

Do you know about Piaget's theory

of cognitive development?

Are you about to psycho-analyze me now?

Hear me out.

It's basically two processes,

assimilation and accommodation.

Assimilation is when

we change our realities to fit us.

And accommodation is

when we change ourselves

to fit our realities.

Why do I get so turned on

when you geek out on me?

You, have to find a way

to accommodate your new reality.

Just like how, right now,

you're at my mercy.

So, what are you going to do about it?

- Well

- Hmmm!

Not much while I'm still in this.

You could still win the election.

We can do it together.

You know what I can definitely still do?

- Hmm?

- This.

Um, your parents

could walk in anytime now.

You'd better keep quiet then.

Oh please, as if I'm the loud one.

If you were my only one

I would worship you. I will worship you ♪

Ah, ah ♪

Are you going to order more,

or you have your hands full?

Yes, another round.

Hey, listen, I'm really hard right now.

Good. It's gonna make it so easy

for me to take advantage of you.

That sounds a bit rapey.

Hey, relax.

I want your full verbal

enthusiastic consent

when I touch you. You hear me?

I'm done with this place. In two minutes,

act like you're going

to the toilet and slip out.

Meet me at my car.

- Do you understand?

- Okay.

Good boy.

Wait, um, what about paying?

Where's your sense of adventure? Hey!

What the f*ck?!

- That was wild!

- I told you it was gonna be fun.

Oh my God!

Let's go back to my place. Now!

Did you see table three?

I think they just left.

I'm sorry girl,

you have been played.

You know it's coming off your tips, right?

f*ck!

- Mbali!

- Hmm!

Where is that

idiot friend of yours?

- What?

- The Indian one with the big mouth.

Oh! Darling,

he's g*y and has taste.

You don't stand a chance.

Your friend and his boyfriend

skipped on a very

expensive bill and I had to pay for it.

Aphiwe, why am I in it?

I can't afford it, Mbali.

I have to save each

and every cent that I get

to stay here in school.

Hmm, cent, huh?

Here you go.

That should last you for the week.

Wow!

You are such an idiot. You know that?

Why do you say that?

How is bevvy going to help my hand?

- Vodka fixes everything, my friend.

- Mm-hmm.

Except you.

For smashing that first year girl

Okay, firstly,

I did not smash and

I don't like seeing

people getting bullied.

- Give me that.

- Okay, Pearl.

- Don't call me Pearl. f*ck you, bro!

- If you say so.

Pearl says that

- maybe it's time for me

- Yeah, okay. Here we go again.

You know I'm being serious, bro.

She said that maybe it's time for me to

realign and just focus more on the

election and the campaign debates.

Well, we need you

to take down that f*cking Caesar

guy and his r*cist politics.

Like, can't we all just get along, huh?

Ubuntu vibes, huh? You know what I mean?

Yes.

So you think I could win it?

Listen to me, man.

You are Sivu Olympic Levin.

You got the campus

and you got the boytjies

What else do you need, huh? You got this.

How's Coach taking all of this?

He's f*cking bleak, man.

He thinks that we might lose this season.

But um,

he'll speak to you later.

Don't worry, bro.

I'm your captain. I got you guys.

- Yeah, man.

- I got you.

But on a serious note, though

how are you gonna wank, huh?

Aww!

Come on, man. Come get a swim.

So, did Diet Company X

persuade or manipulate

their customers into believing

that they can lose

10kgs within the first month.

Manipulative.

I mean their success

stories were already thin.

They followed

a healthy diet and they exercised.

It wasn't the diet pill that worked alone.

They simply sold a lie.

Oh, hang on!

I mean, it's not like the company

said you shouldn't exercise and eat well.

Did they lie or did they just

omit some information?

Isn't it the same thing?

Well, you can't really blame

the company if you fall for anything.

Spoken like a true Hadebe.

Hey!

This isn't personal.

This is supposed to be a debate.

That's what we as marketers do.

We zone in on the shared interests

and values of the customer

to win them over.

That's why personal data

and browsing histories

are valued very highly.

What if the said customer

is super annoying

and dresses like a ten-year-old boy

but you really need them on your side?

Totally hypothetical.

Hypothetically, you do your research

and you reach them on their level.

And that's how you persuade them.

Remember guys, marketing is

about the needs and wants

of the customers. You need to understand

their desires in order to

Mbali, what are you doing?

Hey, I didn't see you there.

Don't see me one more time

and I'll get a restraining order.

I was just listening to this dope band.

You know the Medicine Dolls?

Have you ever heard of them?

Sing one of their songs.

Okay. Um

My vicious little sister ♪

Stabbed me and then I die ♪

wow wow wow wow woo ♪

Hmm!

You really do know them.

- Really?

- No.

- What do you want?

- For you to stop being such a b*tch.

Oh, me a b*tch?!

And for us to move on. Look,

- let me help you with these banners.

- No.

- Let me help you please.

- Let go! Please.

Why won't you give

our friendship a chance?

Let it go!

When he say it's just the tip. Am I right?

This took me hours to do!

Hours, Nats? And you only

gave it that many inches?

f*ck off.

What the hell is going on here?

Um, it was all her fault.

Oh. Easy, right?

Blame the Black girl.

Your privilege is peaking.

Wow! There's no need for that

"pseudo-woke" racial policing here.

Oh, really?

Ladies and gentlemen,

a round of applause.

We have a tea girl in the house, huh!

- I'm about to strike a rock

- Okay. Listen

No one is striking anyone, okay?

Look, Zanele, I'm really sorry.

It was a mistake.

Do you know what the real mistake is?

You.

We should never

have allowed you into our society.

You are not a culture fit.

You're not an LL.

My mom founded the LL.

You know what?

Don't forget to take your friend with you.

She's not my friend!

Okay remember ladies, you need

to bring it straight to your C-cups.

Straight to the C-cups.

Watch the leg.

- Straight to your C-cups.

- Come on, you green machine!

Come on, guys. You can't win

by looking at me. Keep rowing.

Jay, into the chest.

Hey, buddy.

Didn't the docs put you on bed rest?

You know me, Coach.

A captain can never abandon his team.

Um, quick chat, in my office.

Coach,

what's going on?

Okes, so let's get in the water.

Come on!

You heard the man. Double time.

Move your legs!

Okay.

It's like this.

I cannot afford

to have a captain who can't row.

So

Kyle will be stepping in as Captain.

Yeah?

I'll leave you boys to it.

Listen Sivu, I

- I wanted to tell you. It's just that

- No words.

It's okay.

Listen,

you're still a part of the team, my boy.

Yeah.

And we'll be there for you at the debates.

We're still cool, right?

- Yeah. Cool, thanks.

- Yeah, man!

Bring it in.

Hey, go. Go lead the guys. k*ll it!

You know I kind of love how

everyone uses Colonel Graham as ashtray.

Uh, it's what he deserves.

Oh?

And how about men

who skip out on their bill?

sh*t. You heard about that?

You can never come to my room again.

Aphiwe will k*ll you.

- I want my money.

- Not you with literal receipts!

Look, I can explain.

I'm trying to see graduation.

And that won't happen

if rich kids like you steal from me.

I'm not rich yet.

But thank you for believing in my vision.

My money.

Look, I don't have

the cash right now. Okay?

You have until tonight.

Otherwise,

I'm reporting this to the police.

Geez. She's intense.

See now what I have to go through.

You gonna get me back into LL.

Talk to Zanele. Do what you need to do.

She was looking

for any reason to exclude you, dude.

You're not a "culture fit," remember?

You're saying that

you want to be my friend?

Now is the time to prove it.

Yeah, prove it.

We got pivot your brand

from white supremacist to

pro-Black revolutionary.

And we use this colonialist as*h*le to do

no, to do it.

Okay wait, try that again

but in English just for us.

We steal the bust,

and we give it to the LL.

Okay, Mbali, that is crazy, stupid

and will definitely get us expelled.

No way.

f*cking with statues

of old white dudes is peak fashion.

Besides, your white

privilege will protect you.

We can do it tonight during the debate.

I don't know.

Do you want back in

that stupid club of yours or not?

You'd be considered an ally.

Thanks.

Okay.

I didn't call you

for an afternoon quickie.

Please.

It's never quick with me, baby.

Listen, the waitress from last night

confronted me. It was a mess.

So?

So, I need your

other half of the bill money.

She'll live, okay?

I'm not so sure she will.

And it was

your idea to dine and dash. Okay?

I just need your half please.

Just charge it to the game.

Well, the game can suck my d*ck!

Already did that.

Seriously, just pay Aphiwe.

It's the principle of the whole thing.

Okay, Mr. Ethics.

Oh, but hurry up.

We have to meet Natalie after this.

Sure, can you just keep a look out for me?

Come on!

- sh*t, but that was awesome!

- That was amazing!

I think you're my soulmate.

I love this for us.

Now let's get

that m*therf*cking bust.

Welcome to the 2023

SRC underground debate.

I keep it burning all day,

and lit all night.

I'm the host with the most, Rizzla!

Alright. This is how

it's going to work tonight.

The loudest applause picks the winner.

No applause,

you get to show your nuts

on campus and let them hang.

So this is what's going to happen,

our candidates

are going to go at each other.

I'm gonna give them 30 seconds to debate

and make sure

that they've got a fire point.

This we call,

The Chili Champion.

I've got the hottest wings

you all can find in Makhanda

to make sure that your points are

on fire because the wings

will burn you!

But before we get into that,

please allow me to welcome

the hottest girl on campus, Raeesah.

- Oh girl, you looking fly.

- Thank you.

- You ready? Pick one.

- Alright.

- It's getting hot.

- Mmm.

"What's your plan to help

finance underprivileged students

facing exclusion?"

Yes, ask them.

- Yeah.

- That's a hot topic.

Brother Caesar,

it's on you. The stage is all yours, Sir.

You see, the exclusion of the black child

is a miscarriage of justice!

We don't have looted monies

acquired on the backs of black laborers

that allow us to be able

to afford this institution.

Yes. Sure.

Therefore I call,

for the complete and unadulterated

erasure of all historical student debts.

Onwards and upwards.

- Power!

- To the people!

Up next we have Sivu Levin,

the only Black man

you'll find in the water, by choice.

The stage is yours.

You see, the university has things

in place already for the underprivileged

things like the financial aid

and scholarships that can actually

help the people who are underprivileged.

And don't have White parents!

Hey! Go f*ck yourself, okay?

I don't know you,

you don't know me.

f*ck yourself.

You don't know me.

Guys! Guys!

Listen, calm guys,

calm down. This is not about race,

or who your parents are.

Cause all lives matter.

Yes!

Sivu!

What do we have?

A pre-revolutionary.

Mmusi better have

My money in the bank! ♪

Money in the bank,

money in the bank. ♪

Alright.

Up next, the brother

with one name and one name only.

Brother Mubarak. Make some noise!

We pay for education,

because they are poisoning us.

Using micro-chips

that they put in our water

and brainwashing us.

Emancipate your minds.

Don't drink water!

So, all we have to do

is unscrew it and dig it out.

This is all I could get

under such a short notice.

It's f*cking amateur hour.

Okay, take this.

sh*t, guard! Come!

What the f*ck?

Yeah!

I got it from my dad's tool box.

I'm going to blow the thing,

and then it'll slide right off.

What? I learnt it on TikTok.

Why would your algorithms even be show

- You know what? It doesn't even matter.

- Alright.

Let's go.

Let's get it!

- Okay.

- Are you ready, guys?

Listen.

How will you

prioritize the mental health

of students as the president

accompanied by the favorite on campus,

FW de twerk!

- No! Comrade!

- Twerk.

We are not going to be doing that.

That was canceled

from the roster of the debates.

All the candidates

have to participate in the

Twerk!

- Twerk!

- That is the problem.

They make us dance for airtime and chicken

and now they want us

to dance for democracy,

after something is named

after an apartheid denialist!

Yeah. Let's go.

What's your problem?

Is there a chicken here?

Are scared because

you don't have any moves?

Coconut! I am not the token black here.

Run!

That's the only running

you'll be doing this year. So run.

In the absence

of Caesar Mokoena,

we know who the winner is.

Sivu Levin!

Sivu!

Brother, you know what you got to do.

As the loser, he's got to

- Take it off!

- Come on!

- Come on!

- Take it off!

Take it off!

So heavy!

- Why is this head so heavy?

- Oh tell me about it.

- Pick up your feet Natalie!

- I'm trying.

What, the f*ck was that?

sh*t! The f*cking debate must be over.

So soon?

No,

we have to go to the car!

- Back. I'm going. Step back!

- Okay, put it. Put it.

- Back off!

- Oh, f*ck!

Get up, Natalie!

Did I just see

Mubarak's full frontal p*nis?

Uncut! I like it!

Huh! Is it better?

Yeah. More to love.

Seriously, we need

to get you a d*ck, friend.

- Let's go.

- Fast! Remember the bust!

Come on. Move on. Let's go.

- Oh, f*ck you, Graham. One

- Damn!

two, three.

- Stupid big head!

- f*cking Graham.

So, now what?

Well, Nat will present it

to the LL and deliver

a revolutionary, anti-colonial speech.

And that will get her back in.

I never wanted to be a part of the LL.

No, seriously.

This was all just for my mom.

With this stupid society she gave

more than two shits about me.

So? That's normal.

I mean, my mom gave one sh*t about me.

No. Actually, no shits.

She was constipated.

Well I wish my mom would

just stop giving shits about me.

Look, Nat, this is

only worth it if you want it.

- But, what about my mom?

- f*ck her.

f*ck them all! Look,

we're adults now, okay?

We are living for ourselves.

Look, what I found.

Mom, knock!

This is what Nelson Mandela

went to prison for.

Well, Professor Levin,

if we're keeping it 100,

he went to prison for terrorism.

But okay.

Mbali, you should join the Labia Lab.

They could use your spiritedness.

Mom, no one is joining the LL.

Not Mbali, and especially not me.

And I won't be joining either.

- Not that anybody asked.

- And Jay.

But the

- The Labia Lab is our thing.

- Mm-mm.

Of course, you're joining.

No, I'm an adult now.

I can live for myself.

So f*ck all of you!

Oh girl, you're not actually

supposed to say to her.

I respect you're

finding a voice.

I'm also very disappointed.

Yeah, well, at least

that's something you're used to.

Yeah.

Guys, I'm f*cking free!

I can do whatever the f*ck I want.

I can try MDMA, and lose my virginity,

I kiss a girl maybe.

Okay, pause. Pause!

Mbali, you might wanna take this request.

Oh. Okay, Nat.

- Duty calls, my dear.

- No, what about the bust?

We'll figure something out.

- Do you want to go?

- No. Mbali, please wait for me.

I still have

some pills to sell at the bar!

Baby, it wasn't that bad.

- Wait. Hold on.

- What's that?

It's zero-one-three.

It's okay, it's fine.

I'll open it for you.

Baby, wait. I'll open it for you.

There you go.

Okay.

Thank you, sir.

You're going to take us home.

Hey Mbali!

Baby, it's Mbali.

- Hey.

- Hey It's you?

Well, we're still mad at you.

We are?

Yeah, look what she did to you.

I am not mad at her.

If I'm mad, then

you're mad. That's love, babe.

How can I thank you

for defending my honor?

You can start by giving us a free ride.

Okay,

- Baby, it's not

- Clearly, the debate went well.

For Caesar,

who knew I had to do more than just smile.

Well, it's a really good smile.

Thanks to his orthodontist.

Hey, baby.

Don't you want to take a nap?

- Let's take a nap.

- No.

We need to brainstorm better answers

for your next debate because

Well that was bad.

I'm gonna need

something bigger than answers.

You are bigger than answers.

Hey, no. No f*cking.

It's, ST-Uber policy.

Oh, I love the hair.

You were serious

about this Natalie 2.0 thing.

Oh, for real. Look,

I made a list of everything

I want to do and gave it deadlines.

- Look.

- Oh Nat,

only you would turn

having fun into homework. Ah!

So listen,

I think we should dump

the bust on campus after dark.

That way not too many people will realize.

Ours is simple, my brother.

We fully support the removal

of the bust of Colonel Graham

as an act of political warfare

against this institution's

colonialist rule.

- Yes!

- I think it's too late.

Furthermore,

along with this revolutionary act,

we call for the

renaming of this institution

to Makhanda University,

Yes!

in honor of the people that

originally owned this land.

Yes!

- Power!

- To the people!

To be clear,

is it you who stole the statue?

That,

is not important, my brother.

What is important is that once

I'm elected as the SRC president,

- Caesar!

- I wish to instill

and inspire this kind of radical

understanding with my people.

- Power!

- To the people!

I can't believe

he's twisting this to an election.

- So, who stole the bust?

- Er

- Sivu Levin!

- Shut up! What the f*ck are you doing?

Uh-uh!

Mm-mm.

No. Don't fool us.

Don't fool us!

We know,

that Mr. Rainbow Nation

doesn't have the ba*ls

to carry out an act such as this one.

Furthermore, he's just a sellout,

like his hero, Nelson Mandela.

Not only does he have

bigger ba*ls than you, Caesar,

Oh?

but he strongly believes

in the decolonization of this campus.

He knows that to obtain

true and real freedom,

these colonial symbols must be destroyed.

Tell Sivu Levin

to bring it here and prove it.

Yes, prove it!

We had a plan.

I couldn't just stand here and

let Caesar twist it to his own benefit.

- He's a liar.

- Yeah, now you're a liar.

- You're making Sivu a liar.

- Okay okay

we are all liars, so what do we do?

This is a good way

to eclipse Caesar in the election

and to get the student body on your side.

I mean, you're already

trending on The Spill.

Our plan is more nuanced

than just trending.

We need to work on your messaging,

Sivu, and lying isn't a part of it.

Politics is lying!

Is that you talking or your mother?

Uh, Pearl, just pull it back.

Why did you guys steal

the bust in the first place?

Now, that's a long a story.

I think it started when

my parents couldn't conceive

Natalie! Arrgh!

Look, you wanted something bigger.

This is it.

Mbali,

what do we do now?

This Sivu guy wants to buy our votes.

He thinks we're in a crèche.

There's your girl.

No, Sivu is fooling us.

Who does he think we are?

- Where is he and this bust?

- My goodness!

You obviously

have a death wish,

to come back to me 12 hours later.

Oh, so much drama!

And please don't spend it all on clothes.

Or maybe maybe you should.

Here is this fraud.

Here is this fraud. He can't row anymore.

Thank you to you.

So many of my peers.

talk about decolonizing education.

All talk.

I am a man of action.

A leader

that leads from the front.

And I have taken the first step.

You should never be a SRC President.

The first step that'll change the course

of this election.

The first step for the people.

Put it on, boys.

Yeah.

This is how

I take out the trash.

How, with your one arm?

That dramatic reveal

was all you, wasn't it?

- Oh, you know it.

- All our education matters.

So vote for me as your SRC president,

- Never.

- and together we can take

- out the trash.

- This guy is being ridiculous.

Take out the trash!

Take out the trash!

Take out the trash!

Take out the trash!

- Take out the trash!

- If this is a game you want to play,

then you better be careful.

Because I 've been

doing this far longer than you.

You're nearly 30.

Shouldn't you be

paying out your retirement annuity?

Carry on.

When I am your president,

all student lives will matter.

When I am your president

We will build

We will build

a safe space for all students

here at GU.

Because this GU

- belongs to all of us.

- Hey, Hey,

it's your girl, Rae.

Welcome to The Spill,

where we dive into the tea,

The whole tea and nothing but the tea.

Raenbows, in studio with me today,

we have Junior Gumede.

And he's got some tea of his own to spill.

Junior, take it away.

The rowing team of this university

led by Olympian, Sivu Levin,

is toxic.

The initiation practice is cruel

and disgusting.

I was victimized,

and Sivu just told me

to shut up and take it.

That's the kind of person that he is.

And he should never be the SRC president.

Sivu Levin should just be canceled.

It's about to go down.